Home Again
by samsjazz
Summary: Stopped from jumping off the cliff, Bella and Jacob soon begin a relationship but a mistake makes Bella flee. She returns months later with danger hot on her heels to seek the protection of the pack for her and the surprise she brings with her.
1. The Fears That Made Me Flee

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it, only wish I did, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyers, just the plot is mine.

Ch. 1

The Fears That Made Me Flee

I was now driving down the now all too familiar road; I was heading to the place I hadn't seen in many months. I took a glance at the clock on the dash. It was later than I expected. I wanted to get to Charlie's before it got too late. I had a lot to do and wanted to do it all before dark.

Right now I really didn't want to be driving around at night. Especially now that I knew I was being hunted again. I had gone months blissfully believing that I was safe and couldn't be found. How naïve I had been. I had spent more time in the last two years being the object of evils ill intentions than I truly cared to think about. Now I no longer had the option to believe I wasn't ever out of danger. I wasn't the only one in danger now. If it was just me that was in danger I wouldn't have returned, wouldn't have brought trouble back with me. I don't have that option. I am in need of the pack of werewolves that are close to my heart. I need their protection more than ever before.

Though I need the protection more, now is ten times harder to ask for it. That is one thing I'm dreading more than showing up on Charlie's door step after being gone for over half a year and a giant surprise trailing behind me. I feared going to see the pack more than when I went to the ballet studio to face James. I had fled Forks, Charlie, the pack and Jacob without an explanation, a note or goodbye. I left my family; pack included and in facing them I didn't know what I'd find and it scared me. Though I feared the pack's reaction to my return and request, I feared Jacob's more. I knew what I had done to him was what Edward had done to me. Except it was worse because I didn't have the decency to give him his goodbye or explanation; even if what Edward told me was a lie, it was something. I held onto Edward's words because they were all I had left of him. What did Jacob have, nothing. I most likely broke him like I had been broken. Now I just prayed there had been no one to fix him like he had done for me, because surely he'd be lost to me. It hurt to think of him moving on from me, when I knew I never would. But that was the consequence for my actions as wrong as I now believed them to be.

I pulled up in Charlie's drive a little later than I intended but still plenty of time to do what was needed. I parked the car and climbed out. As I was about to close the door I heard the front door open and close. I turned to face my father, and was surprised when I came to face Billy, my father's best friend and Jacob's father, out on the porch. A look of utter bewilderment, and shock crossed his face before he replaced it with his usual calm visage. Seconds later Charlie rushed out.

"Hey, Billy who's here?"

The second he spotted me, he froze, his face shown shock, amazement, and even a little anger. Before either had a chance to speak, I did.

"Hi dad, Billy."

My voice was shaky, but that was to be expected. I had been gone for nearly seven months with only one call two weeks after I left, just simply saying 'I'm alive' and then hung up. Before I was able to say more or before they could respond a distinct sound came from the backseat of my car. I quickly turned my attention to the backseat and ignored the two men with bugging eyes.

I opened the back door to look on the very wide awake faces of my beautiful angels. I knew if one awoke the other was sure to follow.

"Hello angels do you want to go inside and have a chat?" I asked as I unhooked both carriers and set them outside the car and grabbed the diaper bag. Now that my big secret was out might as well begin to explain myself some. I picked up the carriers and headed to the house and to the two men still frozen in their spots. I climbed up the stairs, walked around the aged statues and made my way to the living room where I set down the two carriers and plopped on the couch. I anxiously awaited the long and lengthy conversation that would follow. I would give them the answers that were needed but I had to make it to La Push to talk to Sam well before dark.

While I was waiting I uncovered the carriers and saw that they were wide eyed and alert. They were looking at me with the eyes I longed for more than my next breath. Every time they would look at me my heart would lurch and pang. I searched for their pacifiers, gave them to them and again waited for my inquisition to begin.

Charlie walked in pushing Billy. Both now looked deeply angry. Charlie's expression was still filled with shock and many questions while, Billy's was deeply contemplative. Charlie pushed Billy in front of the couch I was on and then set himself beside me. As they had entered I had dropped my eyes so that I couldn't see their anger, now I warily raised my eyes to the two men I knew would love my angels as much as I and one other but who would also be terribly angry at me. Billy's gaze was the harshest and I quickly dropped my eyes to the carriers to help give me strength.

"Bella…" Charlie began a little hesitant. I looked up at them again.

"Bella is this why you left." Billy finished and it was a statement not a question.

I nodded my head. I took a deep breath and prepared to give my reasons for leaving. I needed to be careful. As much as I'd love to give them both all the reasons, I couldn't. My reasons though mainly in the realm of normal life still involved things from the supernatural. A world Charlie was not a part of, a world I intended to keep him from. If it was just Billy and me in a room I could tell him everything without restraint, not that I would, but I wasn't going to get that option. I was attempting to sort out what I was going to say, so to procrastinate I created a distraction.

"Would you like to meet them?" Uncertainty filled their eyes.

"It's okay, you can hold them, and I know you'll be careful." They nodded and I leaned down and unbuckled the closest one.

"This lil' bean is Juliana Emilia; she's the oldest by two minutes." I said as I handed her to Charlie. Awe crossed their faces as they took her in. I quickly moved to the other carrier.

"This peanut is Charlotte Sarah," I said as I took her out of the carrier and handed her to Billy. At the mention of Sarah, his eyes darted from Juliana to me. His eyes were sad at the mention and quickly were filled with questions. He dropped his gaze to stare at the bundle in his arms. He looked at her a moment and then returned his eyes to me the question in them never leaving. I knew what he wanted to ask, but wasn't the answer obvious by just looking at my girls.

Both girls had dark black curly hair. Even as young as they were they both had a head full. While Charlotte's eyes were closer in color to mine, a milk chocolate; Juliana's were nearly black in color. They both had my lips but everything but their skin color was all their fathers. They were feminine miniatures of him. Their skin was a creamy russet. Nowhere near my ghostly pallor and several shades lighter than his.

I decided to just come out with the answer to Billy's unspoken question. It would ease some discomfort in the room.

"Yes Billy, their Jacob's," my heart panged at the mention of his name.

His eyes grew sad and he nodded his head, he looked at both girls and then back at me.

"Why'd you leave Bella? Why'd you keep this from him, from us?" He asked his voice held nothing but sadness.

I sighed, my momentary distraction over and I still hadn't come up with what I was going to say. I needed to organize my thoughts and shut my emotions down. If I didn't they threatened to topple me and make functioning impossible, much like the night I found out I was pregnant.

I had to do this, not for me, I had to do this for the little girls in their grandfather's arms. I had to do this for their grandfathers and most importantly I had to do this for Jacob.

I knew I had hurt him by leaving. Now I feared I would hurt him more with my return. With shaky breath I steeled myself and began.

"The day before I left, I woke up and felt terrible. I rushed to the bathroom and vomited. It had been the sixth day in a row, I had a feeling it wasn't the flu, so I went to the store and got the tests. When all four came back positive, I did the normal thing and got really scared. Scared for myself and the responsibility now placed on my shoulders. Scared at how you two would react, what you'd do. How Jacob would react and how he'd feel. I knew what this would mean for me but what about Jacob. He already had so much responsibility on his plate. With school and his work on the reservation, his other job also along with him home responsibilities he was only sleeping three to five hours a night and we only saw each other one day a week if we were lucky. How would he fit our child into that life? Not to forget he was sixteen." I took a large breath and began again.

"So I made a decision. I wouldn't put this on him. If he found out, I knew that he would try to take it all onto himself and he'd run himself more raged. He would have to give something up. The only thing he'd be able to give up was school; he'd have to drop out. I knew eventually he'd regret quitting school and giving up his dreams and goals. He would come to resent this life that was forced on him and it would be the end of what little adolescence. Along with the end of his adolescence and his resentment of this new life he'd eventually come to resent me for forcing this on him. I wouldn't have been able to survive him ever hating me; I wasn't going to stick around for that to happen. The next morning I packed up and left. I ran away from safety, family and friends so that I could protect him from himself and I ran before he could hate me or leave me."

I took a giant shaky breath and wiped the tears that were threatening to fall. I looked to Billy to try to tell him with my eyes that there was more to my reasoning. Billy, being Billy seemed to see that and gave me a small nod. Both men were digesting what I had told them and remained quiet.

"How old are they Bells?" Charlie asked.

I small smile played on my lips. "They'll be two months Tuesday. I was three and a half to four months along when I left and they were born five weeks early." Charlie gave me a nod and became contemplative.

"Not that I'm not happy your home, and there's no way I'm letting you leave now, but why'd you come back now? I mean from what you just said you were trying to protect Jake, so why come back now?

My breath caught my singular reason for coming back today was the one thing I couldn't tell Charlie. He was thankfully free of the world I had immersed myself almost from the moment I moved to Forks. I couldn't share with him the life I shared with the Cullen's or the life that I shared with the pack. I have spent over two years lying to him and I have to continue to do so. Through lying I'm protecting him from that life. My ghost continues to haunt me and now hunts my daughters, I can't have Charlie know the truth and have him in more danger than he is. Even if I believed he could handle the truth, I couldn't take the looks of horror, revulsion and disappointment he'd give me and the pack. So I came up with part truth. It was something that would have had me come home, just not the reason I came so quickly.

"I came back because I realized I can't do this by myself. I can't properly raise two children on my own. It would've been easier with just one child, not two. I came back because I decided I couldn't continue to do Jacob what Renée did to you. I couldn't keep him from his daughter anymore and I couldn't keep them from him. I see now I lost a chance to grow into a relationship with you as a kid. A chance to have a fatherly presence in my life and that caused me to lose my childhood early. I don't want the life I had for my girls. I want to give them what I never really had, a childhood with both their parents in their lives every day. Even if Jake and I don't ever get back together, I want him in our lives. I came back before too much time had passed and he lost out on them being babies."

The hole in my heart that I thought long gone came back in full fury at the thought of Jake no longer wanting me. That would be the only way we wouldn't be together. I knew from the day I let him in and we finally became a couple that I would never not want him. These last few months without him were a hell I would wish on no one, yet I brought it on myself.

I truly believed long before Jake and I began our romantic relationship, long before I realized I wanted one, that he was integral to my existence. He had decided to fix me, mend my shattered broken heart and soul. He did it and expected nothing in return. For the longest time I was unable to give him anything in return. I couldn't even give him the hope that while I knew he felt more for me than I him, that I would ever be able to return those feelings. He always accepted and loved me without condition. He took me as is and fixed what he could. As he fixed me he began to take a permanent hold on the pieces he fixed; taking more and more of my heart with it.

I realized while he was fixing me that the pain I was in was me holding onto Edward's Bella; the life that Bella had wanted. I held it in my death grip all the while dragging me down with it. But she died that day in the woods. The empty Bella didn't know who she was without that life and that family. But even the Bella that Jacob was building back up, piece by agonizing piece, was still clinging to that nonexistent life. That caused pain to both Jacob and me.

I fought Jacob and I fought Jacob's Bells. I was pushing him with one hand while I held onto him with the other. I'm sure it confused him to no end. In truth I was afraid, afraid to give myself to another, to risk my still fragile heart. Especially to the one who had painstakingly fixed it? Because if I gave him my heart and he broke it, there would be no one left to fix it. I would become unfixable. So with much hesitation I let Edward's Bella go and became Jake's Bells.

I knew without a doubt I couldn't live without Jake in my life, he was my solid base. He kept me safe and protected both from the mystical and myself. He let me see that I was enough, that I was wanted and loved as is and he would still love any changed that came along. He loved and adored me with all that he was, he held nothing back from me and in time I held nothing from him. I had told him everything. About the monster that had taken hold of my chest, my feelings about all the Cullen's. I even told him about his voice and my actions to get that voice. I believed that last thing would destroy us. Of course he was angry that at the beginning I had used him but he forgave me quicker than I deserved. I had a feeling this time I wouldn't be forgiven so easily.

Even after my vent of everything he accepted and loved me. I loved him all the more for it.

Not only had Jacob fixed me but the pack had to. After I found out their secret they had welcomed me with open arms, well most of them did. I felt I belonged with them. I felt more at home and loved than I ever did with the Cullen's. With the Cullen's I believed I didn't fit their level of perfection. I wasn't infallibly beautiful and pristinely perfect; I was human with human flaws. With the pack I belonged, I was like them, just really pale. I didn't need to do or be anyone to fit in, I just did.

Kim and Emily and then eventually Rachel became my closest friends. While Quil, Embry and Seth were like my little brothers who just happen to be freakishly tall. Hell even Sam seemed like an older brother to me. When I let Jake in, they all let me in; to them I was a part of the pack. I loved my life with them, but with them came my greatest fear, the fear of losing Jacob. One word controlled my happiness on tiny cable so easily cut would destroy my entire world. Imprinting, it was a curse and a curse word to me. Nothing was more foul and poisonous to me, yet it brought happiness to most of the people in my world. Only two other people shared my hatred for the wolfy voodoo Jacob and Leah.

I understood all the implications involved in imprinting but I chose to ignore them, the fear of letting Jake go so he could imprint was too strong so I pushed it to the back of my mind. I settled my fears with his promises that he would never imprint, that it wouldn't happen because I was his soul mate and the ancestors were wrong, he loved me too much to imprint. While the fears were tempered they never settled. I was constantly reminded of the power of imprinting. I had witnessed two imprints; I had seen the looks that crossed the faces of both Quil and Paul. I seen the shift in them the moment it happened. There was no denying if Jake imprinted, I would be but a distant memory. Even if I hadn't actually seen it I would have been reminded what would await me by the one person that hated me more than Victoria, Leah. Hell she made the hatred that Rosalie threw at me look tame and kitten like. I've never figured out completely why she hated me.

In the beginning of our relationship I feared every woman he would see. I would wonder if that was the woman that would take my happiness and sanity with her. I feared that one day Jacob would come to see me to say goodbye, that he no longer loved or wanted me. The fears of losing him made the pain of losing Edward pale in comparison.

I finally had decided I would live my life with Jake as if there was no mystical threat to our happiness. I would enjoy each and every moment I was given with Jake for however long I had him.

That was until I found out I was pregnant. I knew if I stayed and we raised our child together and one day he came home to tell me he imprinted, he no longer would be leaving just me. He'd be leaving me and our child. That would kill me to see the pain on my child's face. The insecurity it would cause of not being good enough for their father, I couldn't do that. So I resolved to leave. Leave to avoid him leaving me. Leave to avoid him resenting me. Leave to avoid him leaving his child. Leave to give him a break from some responsibility. I was going to free him from it all, and put it all on me.

I was so truly scared of the truth of it all, I ran. Never understanding the implications of my choice; I didn't even completely think out what I needed to do to support myself. My thoughts were solely focused on running away from the pain and heartache that hadn't even happened. Heartache that grew worse from my choice.

I drove until my emotional pain and physical exhaustion was too much to continue. I had subconsciously stopped in a town near a large forest. I stayed in the town; I no longer had the energy to run farther, I was unable to put further distance between me and home. The first day in that town I found a decent job, found an apartment and a doctor. The most important thing in my life to date occurred in that town but never for one second did I live in there. I subsisted on a basic level to provide for myself and my girls. I had no friends and my thoughts never left Forks or La Push. My heart remained on the beach with Jacob. I cried myself to sleep every night.

The only thing that consumed my thought was Jacob and what I'd done to him and how he was doing without me. I knew he'd never forgive my leaving and the fact that I'd kept his daughters from him. I would never love another but if he didn't take me back, if he was sans imprint, it would be my rightful punishment. I just prayed my actions wouldn't have a negative effect on our daughters.

Over my many months away and my constant thoughts of Jacob and my actions, I came to terms with many of reasons for leaving, especially imprinting. I decided it no longer mattered that he hadn't imprinted on me. We had a connection that was special. Had the supernatural never existed we would have been considered soul mates. People outside our small circle, like Angela, saw this and she commented on it often. He knew me better than I knew myself and he could read me better than I've ever read my favorite classics and I could read him just as well. He hid nothing from me and I hid nothing from him. I didn't think even his imprint could compete with that. As much as it hurt he would forever be my Jake and I would forever be his Bells, even if we were together.

I ended my mental rant, thankful that Charlie and Billy let me have that. They let me be and just took in their granddaughters. I realized that the girls needed to be changed and sometime in the next hour or two fed. I took Jules from Charlie and changed her first. While I was changing her, Billy handed Charlotte over to Charlie. When I was done with Jules I gave her to Billy and went to take care of Charlotte and handed her back to Charlie. I got up and went in the kitchen to throw the diapers away. On my way back into the living room I took in the scene before me. Billy and Charlie were smiling broadly at their granddaughters and cooing contentedly. As much as it made me happy, it also hurt my heart that I'd kept this from them, even if it was only for a short time. I glanced at the clock behind Billy on the living room wall and knew I needed to head to La Push soon if I was going to make it back before sunset.

I gave a heavy sigh, not ready to try to explain to Charlie why I needed to go to La Push, if I wasn't going to go talk to Jake. I knew Billy would understand mostly at the mention of Sam but I was going to leave both with more questions than answers. I just needed to be vague for now. At my sigh they both looked up at me.

"I was wondering if you two could watch the girls for about an hour. They've been changed and hopefully they won't get hungry for another hour or two. If they do get hungry there's two bottles in the diaper bag, just warm them in some hot water but make sure to check the temp first. I'll try to get back as quick as possible." I said quickly.

"Where you headed Bells?" Charlie asked, his eyes full of more questions than the one asked.

"I've got to La Push to talk to Sam. When I get back how bout I make us all some dinner, K?" I tried to ignore the look of surprise that flew onto both their faces at the mention of Sam's name instead of the one they expected but I was hopeful the mention of some home cooking would distract them from asking about it.

"Why do you have to go talk to Sam, I thought you said Jake's their dad?" Charlie asked, sounding a little angry. I felt my jaw drop. While I had been expecting him to ask why I wanted to see Sam, his paternity comment just pissed me off. What would get into his head that either I would lie about the paternity of my children or the fact I would cheat on Jake and Sam would cheat on Emily was beyond my realm of understanding.

"Jake is the father dad, it's just really important that I speak with Sam." I replied very irritated. I flashed my glance to Billy, trying to convey the importance of going to La Push. I was praying he'd see it so that I wouldn't have to come up with another lie to pacify Charlie. He must have and subtly nodded his head towards me.

"That sounds great Bella, it's been a while since we've had some of your home cooking and I think us to old farts can handle two babies for an hour, we did raise kids ourselves you know." Billy said smiling.

I nodded my head to Billy in silent thanks and then rushed to my babies to say goodbye. I kissed each on their foreheads and then I placed one on the cheek of each Charlie and Billy. I turned and rushed out of the house and made my way to the car. I sighed, started the car and began making my way to La Push.

**A/N:** This hasn't been beta'd, so if anyone is interested in betaing this story, please pm me and please review. Thanks.


	2. Stammering Alphas

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that is Twilight; it all belongs to Stephanie Meyers. If I did Bella would have realized that an eclipse is only temporary and the sun is forever reliable.

Ch. 2

Stammering Alphas

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I had to go see the people who I cared most for in the world second only to the four I just left and Jacob, people who I had left without reason or explanation. They had let me into their world and lives without pretense and most never faulted me for my love of my former vampire family. They had protected me relentlessly at the risk of their own lives. I owed them so much, for saving me, for helping Jake fix me, for loving me, for making me apart of their family. How'd I repay them, I left them high and dry. So of course I was nervous. I deserved nothing but their anger and for them to kick me out but for the safety of my children I had to bite the bullet and see them and ask a favor I'd never be able to repay, along with all the others I'd never be able to repay.

My only unending hope was that when I knocked Sam would be the one to answer the door. I really didn't want Jake to answer or god forbid, Leah or Paul. That would be the greatest form of torture and would make what I had to do impossibly harder.

My mind raced with all the possible things that could be said to me the moment the door opened. I was praying they would listen and help me. They were the only option I had to keep me and my children alive. I would do whatever was needed to ensure their safety.

As I pulled into the memorable yard I noticed that from the outside the house looked quiet, but I from experience that wasn't necessarily the case on the inside. I parked the car, climbed out, shut the door and stopped. I steeled myself and marched up to the house. With wracked nerves that made my entire body shake, I knocked. I began chewing my nails in an effort to calm myself while holding my breath awaiting the horror behind the door.

I waited and listened intently to any sounds coming from the tiny house. I heard nothing but soon noticed a figure walking towards the door. The figure was massive and defiantly male, thank god not Leah. I took a deep breath and prepared for the door to open.

The man that opened the door startled at seeing me; his face shown complete shock and I waited for him to speak. He seemed to be stunned into silence. I was silently thankful it was Sam that had been the one to answer the door but I continued to wait for him. While waiting I heard the voices of the pack laughing with one another. Soon I heard the laugh and voice that tore at my heart.

"Quil quit acting like an idiot and sit your ass down." Jake bellowed and laughed and quickly addressed Sam.

"Hey Sam who's at the door?"

Panic took hold and I looked to Sam pleadingly. He still hadn't removed the look from his face, as if he hadn't heard Jake from behind him.

"I was wondering if I could speak with you, privately." I asked in a soft voice, praying they wouldn't hear me inside. My hopes were quickly squashed as the house grew deathly quiet. I cringed. They all heard me and I knew they all knew I was here. I needed to get Sam away from the house. I had to ask him my favor before there was any confrontation from the pack or Jake.

"Out of hearing distance, please?" I pleaded and nodded towards the house.

That finally seemed to snap him out of his haze and he nodded and motioned for me to head to the beach. We walked silently together but I could feel his questioning eyes boring into me. I continued to avoid his gaze till we reached a piece of driftwood. I sat and waited, I was shaking and I barley had a handle on my emotions. Hearing Jake and the silence that followed had unnerved me. I had no idea what would happen once Sam and I started talking but I was going to try to remain calm. He sat and I waited for the barrage of question he would throw at me.

"Bella?" He asked hesitantly, his voice firm, he was in Alpha mode.

"You wanted to talk, so talk."He continued. I sighed.

"Look Sam, I didn't come back here to cause problems, though I know I will. I know I hurt everyone by my actions, but at the time I did what I thought was best." I continued before he could interrupt, which he looked what he was about to do.

"I came back because I need your help, I need the packs help, now more than ever. I know I don't deserve it but if it was just for me I wouldn't ask. I'm no longer asking for just me, I'm not the only one in danger this time. I have one question for you before you speak. After I left, did you or any of the pack catch any sign that Victoria had come back?" His eyes had been hard but at the mention of Victoria his eyes bulged a little and then he put his mask back on.

"Yes, about a week or two after you disappeared we caught her scent, but we haven't had any contact from her since. Why?" Well fit my theory that she went off in search of me after I left.

"Well yesterday I was coming from the store when I looked into the woods a fair distance behind my apartment. I noticed a figure about halfway up a tree. I saw fire red hair billowing around said figure. It was Victoria. Thankfully it was really sunny and I was in a fairly public location so she couldn't get to me, yet. I needed to get away before she had a chance to get to me. So I grabbed everything I needed from my apartment and drove away and came here."

"Sam if it was just me that was in danger now, I wouldn't have come back and asked this of you or them, but my life is of secondary importance, right now there are two who are more important. I need you to protect them because they are important to me, to Charlie and Billy, to the pack and to Jacob." I don't know why I couldn't just come out and tell him about my babies but I really think that it was because I knew he would hate me the instant he heard because I had taken a pack brother's children away.

"Bella who else needs to be protected from the red-headed leech other than you, and who is it that's important to the pack?" His voice was full of confusion and I wasn't surprised. The fear of telling him was mounting and I was again shaking. I took a deep breath and answered.

"I need you to protect my children from Victoria. Sam, I need you to protect me for them." I was pleading, but I didn't care I needed them all to protect my babies from my ghost. Protect them where I couldn't. The pack was my only option, if I had to get on my hands and knees and beg every one of them, I would.

Sam gasped, his eyes bugged out and he stared at me in complete shock, I waited for him to speak very afraid of what he'd say. I knew he needed a moment to let what I just said sink in. I did drop a pretty big bomb on him.

"Your…your…you…children?"He stuttered. I looked down.

"Yes Sam, I have children, two daughters."

"Is that…it's why you ran, why you disappeared…left without any explanation or proof of where you were, Bella? You left because you were pregnant? Why would you leave? Why when you didn't have to do this by yourself, we would have all stood behind you." His voice had gone from questioning shock to a scolding fatherly tone filled with anger.

"Sam, I had my reasons for why I left and at the time I believed they were valid. Yes, I left because I found out I was pregnant but you aren't the person I need to give my explanations to first." If Jacob even wants to talk to me I mentally added.

"You will get an explanation after him, right now I just need to know if you're willing to help me, help me protect my girls?" He sighed

"Of course we'll protect you and your daughters, it's our job and they're our family." I didn't miss that he had left me out of said family, it hurt but I really didn't expect to be welcomed back blindly. Now that I was back I would have to work my way back in, build the trust back.

"Thank you Sam, I know I deserve nothing from you or anyone and I don't think I'll ever earn your forgiveness for my actions. I am willing to try anything to get you all in my life again for me and my daughters. I acted impulsively on my fears and never considered the consequences of my choice. I royally fucked up and everyone is paying for it; some more than others." I was near tears and I was struggling to keep them in.

"Bella, I'm not going to lie and say you didn't hurt us or that you didn't mess up, I won't ever deny that; but I can see you were scared and given time we will _all _forgive you. We had no idea what you were going through to make you decide to leave. We can't judge you for your fears. We love you and we are all glad you're back safe. And it seems you brought along some extras. Where are they by the way, I'm sure everyone would like to meet them." I smiled at the thought of my 'extras'.

"I have Billy and Charlie watching them, they've been in the car for a day and I also thought it would be easier to ask you without two babies in tow plus I think their grandpa's didn't mind watching them for a while. As for meeting them, I think someone else needs to meet them first, after he meets them, then it's whenever it's convenient for you all, since I fled I really have nothing to do but watch my girls."

"How old are they Bella?" He asked he seemed a little uncomfortable.

"They're two months Tuesday." He smiled a little and then his face got hard.

"When are you going to tell him Bella, it's not like I can keep this from him for long." He said sadly.

"Whenever he'll listen to me, we both know he can be a stubborn ass and won't hear a word I say, though it's not like I don't deserve it. And I hate to ask anything else of you Sam but can you keep the girls a secret from the pack, as much as you can, until I talk to him? He needs to hear it from me and not second hand from someone else."

"I'll try my hardest Bella, but you know how the wolf thing works so you need to tell him soon. I can't keep this from the pack long and I won't keep this from Emily either."

I sighed, nodded and stared at the sand. The next few days, weeks, months, I didn't even know how long, were going to suck. _You really shouldn't have left then_. My mental voice berated. I was going to have to dredge up most of the shit I have tried to push down that last few months. I mean Charlie and Billy got the PG sunshine version. I was stressed. I had a murderous vampire intent on my painful death after me, eight werewolves and their significant others angry with me (even if I deserved it) and two babies who require me for all their needs and who don't know how to sleep at night or at the same time. I didn't think I could take much more on my plate but I had yet to deal with the fallout. I glanced at my watch. I needed to get back, my hour was almost up.

"Sam thanks for everything, but I got to get back to the girls. I told Charlie and Billy I'd only be an hour because the girls need to be fed, bathed and put in bed."

"I understand Bella; just wait to leave until I've assigned some wolves to you to go to your house, okay?"

"Okay. Really Sam thanks, I don't think I can say enough how much I'm indebted to you."

He stood nodded to me and reached a hand out to help me up. He surprised me by pulling me into a hug.

"Glad your back Bella, I really missed you, we all did." He whispered in my ear. He then planted a small kiss to my forehead, something he had begun to do not long after I started dating Jake. I had asked him once why he started do that, he said it was his way of showing he cared for me and that he felt like an older protective brother and a kiss to the forehead showed that without words. I chocked back a small sob at that gesture, as a few tears fell down my cheeks.

"I'm glad I'm back too, you have no idea how much I missed you all." I whispered back, not really able to speak much louder without my voice cracking.

We walked back to the house in silence. My mind racing on how I was supposed to talk to Jacob. What was I going to say? How was I going to tell him? Would he forgive me? Would he phase? What would this mean for us? Was there even an _us_ anymore? So lost in thought I didn't realize we made it back to Sam's. As the house came in view, my heart stopped, my breath caught and I became instantly fearful. I wasn't ready for this yet. I wanted more time, time I wasn't going to get.

Jacob sat on the stairs of the porch with his knees up his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. His whole body was rigid and his back taught. Just by looking at him I could tell. HE. WAS. PISSED. _Can you blame him_? He must have heard our approach and he tensed. I was afraid of what I'd see when he'd look up. I was on edge and my mind was telling me to run to my car and leave, my heart kept my feet firmly planted. I couldn't run, not from him, not again. Sam placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I'll go take care of it right away, it'll be okay Bella." I just nodded my head.

He walked up the stairs and clapped Jake on the back and walked inside, most likely to put a wolf on Charlie's. I shuffled my feet back and forth, I needed and wanted to tell him but I had no idea how to start. I watched him warily afraid of any move he'd make, but truthfully I was more afraid he'd just tell me to leave and not let me explain or sit blankly and give me the cold shoulder. His head remained in his hands and he began rubbing his face in frustration or anger, it was most likely a mix of the two. I flinched at his tone when he finally spoke.

"What the hell Bella!" He growled out. He stopped rubbing his face and raised it to look at me; I quickly dropped my gaze not wanting to see the anger and fire in his eyes.

"What…huh…you look different, you're…you've changed." His stammered and his tone had changed; I couldn't place the emotion behind it.

I furrowed my brow and looked at myself. How did I look different? I mean my hair was in a braid, it was a little redder because I had spent more time in the sun, and I was wearing some new clothes.

"Huh?" _That was your brilliant response_.

"You look different…your hips…are wider and you've filled out more in places…you look older."

"Yeah well things happen, people change, the age, and I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to take that Jake." I was a little worried he thought I was fat, I mean I know I was rounder but I still had some pregnancy weight but I had just given birth two months ago and I was breast feeding, did I really look that dissimilar?_ He didn't know you were pregnant deary_. He gave a heavy exasperated sigh, probably trying to keep himself calm.

"What's going on Bella, you've been gone for six months and sixteen days with only one phone call to Charlie months ago just telling him you're alive, what the hell was that. And you come back and the first fucking person you see is Sam." His tone was harsh again.

He's acting exactly how I expected him to. I needed and wanted him to be angry with me. I also needed to tell him but I couldn't just blurt it out could I?

"Jake, I…" How was I going to tell him, what was I going to say. I had no fucking clue. I knew he was getting angrier the longer I stayed silent. I knew I was on a timeline with Charlie, with Sam and now Jake I needed to get on with it. I was nearing my hour but I had to do this first. My heart hurt hearing him yell and I wanted to run from him, really badly but I couldn't, not again, never again. This was one of the major consequences I had to face.

"I came to see Sam first because yesterday Victoria found me. I wanted to ask him if he could have the pack protect me again. He agreed." I decided with the least disturbing bit of news first. _Really the least bit of disturbing news you have is a vampire is trying to kill you, again_. Before I could continue he busted in.

"What a load of bullshit Bella. Victoria was after you before you abandoned me, the pack, Charlie, but you still left. What you thought she wouldn't find you. I know even you weren't that naïve, but then again what do I know, you've changed." He was basically growling now and if I would have been brave enough to look up I pretty sure he'd be shaking. What he said hurt; he knew he was hitting low. I knew he was taking out his hurt on me which I rightly deserved but had he taken lessons from Leah and Paul on being an asshole. I had a feeling the changed comment no longer had anything to do with my appearance. _You think_.

"I know that Jake, I never expected her to not find me, I just thought I had more time is all and I didn't come back to have Sam to protect just me. I'm not the only one in danger anymore." I had started with a raised voice but finished rather meekly. I was beginning to tell him but when I told him I wasn't going to be angry so I finished with a more even tone. I wanted him to hear the love in my voice when I told him he had daughters but what he said next was blowing my stay calm idea out of the water.

"What the fuck, Victoria finds you and you come running back and ask Sam to protect you and your new boy toy or something, that's real fucking rich Bella." My jaw dropped, did he really just say that to me. I had lost my ability to speak, this man before me knew me better than any other person on the face of this planet. He knew I was not that type of girl. I knew he was in pain, but so was I. I was pregnant and gave birth, took care of both girls all without him_. You did that to yourself_. I knew that but I had done it for him. I loved him, I would love no one again, it was too painful to love anyone else and he was the father of my children, he was it for me and he was speaking to me like that. Did our relationship mean anything to him? _He's hurt, what'd you expect, candy and roses_. I remained silent as I tried without success to calm down. I needed to tell him now before I screamed the truth at him and stomped off or he phased, neither outcome was desired.  
"Or something…"I paused, took a deep breath and continued. "Jake, I needed him to protect something other than a boy toy. I asked Sam to protect my daughters." I didn't raise my eyes to see his expression and though I couldn't see his reaction I was still afraid. The bomb was dropped and I was waiting for its fallout.

He stopped breathing, stopped moving, stopped shaking, and if I had the guts to look at his face he'd probably stopped blinking as well. He finally drew in a long ragged breath but still remained silent. I was growing antsy. I looked up towards the house, there was no longer any movement and the sounds that I had heard when Sam and I came back were gone. Well I guess I didn't have to tell the pack. _Wolf. Out. Of. Bag_.

"What did you just fucking say?" There were many emotions in his voice mainly shock, anger, and pain and complete and utter disbelief.

"I said, I asked Sam to protect my daughters from Victoria. They're safety was more important to than seeing you first. You were second on my list." My voice became shaky along with the rest of my body. I had the imitation of a leaf down pat.

"You have daughters, as in plural?" His voice again held an emotion I couldn't place.

"Yes, twin girls." I could come out and tell him everything at once but I had the feeling that he was still trying to process everything and I had a feeling he was doing the math in his head. But he and I both knew that I hadn't been gone long enough for any other possibility other than him as the father and soon he'd realize it.

"How…huh…what…when…who?" Was all he could get out.

"I was pregnant when I left, between three and a half to four months, and I gave birth to twin girls five weeks early about two months ago."

"Is that why you left me, because you were pregnant?"His voice was sad and shaky filled with anguish. I flinched. He sounded weak and broken. _Broken because you broke him_. I didn't want to know what kind of emotional scars I left on him but I had a pretty good idea and now I just made them worse. I just cut every wound deeper and inflicted deep painful new ones.

"Yes, I left because I was pregnant with our child, well children." I answered the question I knew he was thinking so that he didn't throw an accusation at me about infidelity.

"Fucking Christ Bella why the fuck would you do that to me, to them, hell even to you. Did you think at all about what that would do to us? To me? Did you really think so little of me that you didn't think I wouldn't take care of you and our child? That I wouldn't support you and the babies, tell me." Oh god, I didn't want him to go there. _Great make him feel inadequate Bella_.

"God Jake, no I didn't think that, I will never think that…"

"Then why the fuck did you leave with my children, why did you leave, why did you leave me?" He was defeated but his tone was still angry.

"I was scared, I did what I thought was best. I did it out of love and fear."

"That's bullshit, you left without giving me a say in my children's lives and you say you did it out of love. You don't leave someone like that out of love. You fucking know that better than anyone. You know your precious leech didn't love you and that's why he left, if that why you left, you didn't love me. Why did you really leave, to go find him? But he stayed gone so you come running back to your second choice with my children in tow." He was growling out his words, but I didn't really care right now. I knew how wrong he was. My leaving had given me a lot of perspective on Edward's actions with me in the woods. I understood why he did what he did better now. Right now another comment Jacob made shot me full of anger.

"God you can be a real fucking idiot. I didn't leave to go find Edward. This has nothing to do with him. I am over him. I left because I love you. I know it doesn't make sense to you now and maybe it never will but at the time it made perfect sense to me and it was all I could think to do to make your life easier. Do I regret what I did? Absu-fucking-lutly. But my reasons for leaving were important then, I left to make the life of the man I love easier, even if it made mine harder."

"What you did to me, you don't do to someone you love." His tone was harsh.

"What do you want me to say, that I didn't love you and that's why I left? Cause it's not true. I do love you but fear took control and I acted. Do you want me to say I was wrong and I made the worst decision of my life? Yes I was wrong and it was a horrible decision on my part. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it every second of the last six months and sixteen days. But don't you for one fucking second believe or imply that I don't love you with everything that I am." I was hurt and very angry and now that the truth was out I wanted to leave.

"Look Jake, I'll give you every reason and every fear that made me leave but I won't right now. We are both too emotional right now and I need…"He cut me off.

"You need, I don't give a shit right now about what you need; I want to know where my daughters are." He was back to yelling and my patience had run out, I needed to defuse his anger and give him a chance to calm down.

"There with Charlie and Billy at my house. I need to get back to feed and bathe them. I told Billy and Charlie I'd be an hour and it's been longer than that now. I know we have a lot to talk about but I told them I'd make them dinner. How would you like to come over for to meet your daughters and have some dinner?" He remained silent, I guess my dramatic change in tone or what I just offered threw him off.

I turned my back on him and made my way for my car. When I reached the door I turned back to him keeping my eyes down.

"Jake, dinner will be done in about an hour and the girls won't go to bed for another two. If you want to come great, if you still need time I understand, but you're welcome anytime to see them." I climbed in the car, started it and backed out and started making my way to Charlie's.

I went over everything that had just happened with Jake. It went badly. _Could've gone better_. I've never been so angry with anyone in my entire life. He said things that cut me to the core. Had I not been fighting my own guilt I may have fought back, but I didn't because I needed and wanted to fix our relationship, if it was salvageable. I needed to take his blows so that his anger faded and he would listen to me. If his anger didn't fade, he would close himself off from listening to me and nothing would be fixed. If he wanted and was still free to be mine, I wanted nothing else. I wanted no one but him, he was my sun and he was the father of my children.

Even if he didn't want me back, or he imprinted, I would always love him. I had realized long before I left that there was no one else in my future. We had a lot of hostility and issues to get through for the sake of our daughters first before we could work on us. They deserved parents who if didn't love one another, they at least got along and were able to work together. I would not move away from Jacob, our girls were not going to be shipped back and forth like I was. They would have a relationship with both parents year round.

The only problem I had with fixing us was I had no idea how to do it. How do I make up for leaving him and taking his children? I had a long uphill battle to face, but I was willing to fight the whole way for him.

**A/N:** Please review, all your criticisms mean a lot to me and keep me motivated to keep writing. Thanks to everyone who commented on my first chapter, it made my day.

I think that for now I will try to update bi-weekly but that will most likely change to be either weekly or every other week depending how much ahead I can remain.


	3. The Inner Voice of Hell

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that is Twilight; it all belongs to Stephanie Meyers.

Ch.3

The Inner Voice of Hell

Driving back to Charlie's I couldn't get my nerves in check. I was nervous about Jake meeting the girls. I didn't know how he was going to react when he saw them. But to be honest I was more anxious that he wasn't going to show up tonight at all.

I had given him the hour because after those emotions were released I knew he needed time to wolf out and go on a run. _Surprised he didn't during the fight_. I knew he would deal better in wolf form with everything. He had told me once that human emotions are muted as a wolf. But even after his wolf run would he come?

I couldn't decide if I wanted him to come more that I was afraid that he wouldn't.

My emotions were hanging on a precipice. I was about to have an emotional breakdown and just one more thing was going to push me over. I had to calm down and center myself. I couldn't fall apart no matter what happened tonight. My girls needed me and I needed to stay strong for them and Jake. He needed to take his hurt, anger, and feelings of betrayal out on me and I needed him to.

I pulled into Charlie's drive, got out of the car and went to the trunk. I grabbed the playpen and the two duffel bags I packed yesterday and brought them to the house. I put them in the foyer and went back to the car to grab the groceries I had bought the day before and brought them into the kitchen. I then took the bags and playpen into the living room. The moment I crossed the threshold to the living room my angels immediately started to whimper, I figured it be time to feed them now. I walk to the diaper bag and grab the two remaining bottles from the cooled compartment and went into the kitchen to warm them, the entire time ignoring the curious stares being thrown my way.

With the bottles warmed I trudged my way back into the living room. I kissed my babies hello and handed each man a bottle, hopefully this task will keep them quiet while I get started on dinner.

"Hey you two, do you think you can handle feeding and burping the girls while I make us some grub?"

"No problem Bells, you know you don't have to make us anything, we can get take out. I understand if you're tired."

"It's not a problem; it's been a while since I've made anything for more than one person and it's my way of saying thanks for watching them." I quickly turn into the kitchen before anymore can be said.

In the kitchen I unpacked all the groceries I had brought with me and began searching the pantry, fridge and freezer for something to make. I had to take into consideration that if Jacob were to come the quantity I had to make would have to increase dramatically. With that on my mind I noticed several pounds of thawed ground beef in the fridge. I then went back to the cupboards and pantry to check for staples to use with the beef. I saw that there was everything there for several meals. I decided on a very large pot of chili it was easy and one of Charlie's favorites. Yes it was July but it was Forks and I was chilled. And if Jacob didn't come then there would be plenty of leftovers for Charlie and me for a few days.

I got to work browning the meat and bringing together all the other ingredients. Once the meat was browned I threw everything else into the pot and added the spices to taste. Once it was all combined I set the table for four, I was really hoping he'd come tonight. I made my way back to the living room to see if the girls were done eating.

Charlie and Billy were chatting happily to one another while burping the girls. I noticed they had set down the empty bottles; I went to collect them so I could wash them to fill later. On my way back to the kitchen I heard my name called.

"Huh?" I responded and turned back to face the two men with questions in their eyes.

"I was just wondering how your talk with Sam went, you were gone a while and you seem kind of down." Billy asked quirking an eyebrow my way. Of course he would ask about this, he knew my meeting was more than me asking Sam a simple question. Ugh, I didn't want to talk about this. I was nervous and edgy, I couldn't get my thoughts off Jacob and our fight and Billy was annoyingly perceptive and he'd notice quickly if anything I said was off.

"Umm… my talk with Sam went…great, way better than I expected." I said trying to sound cheerful and hoping to leave the conversation at that. _You never were that lucky_.

"So if your talk with Sam went well, what has you looking so forlorn?" Why did Charlie have to jump in on let's quiz Bella into nervous breakdown game. Before I could respond Billy blew me out of the water. _Since when was he perceptive_.

"How did Jacob take the news, Bella?" Damn that man. He always knew more than he let on. He knew Jacob was there and he probably wanted the confrontation to happen sooner rather than later, I didn't want to answer, so I decide to deflect. _Snooping old coots, I am not going to give you what you want_.

"You knew he was there didn't you?" He just nodded and continued to stare at me expectantly just waiting for me to answer. _Someone shoot me now_.

"Umm…he wasn't the most cheerful person I've seen." So I decide being sarcastic was the best option to relieve my tension, Billy didn't look too pleased. I sighed.

"He acted exactly as I expected him to. He was angry, stubborn, hurt, shocked, and sad. I didn't really think I'd get anything different from him." I decided to come out with it considering I sucked at lying and Billy and Charlie would see through any lie I tried to get past them, especially Billy. I really didn't want to talk more so I changed the subject.

"I need to clean these," holding up the bottles, "and fill them and a few others so I have some for tonight and tomorrow morning, if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen; I'd knock first though before you enter." With that I turned and went back to the kitchen.

I had decided while making supper that I needed to pump. Fleeing a murderous vamp took a hit on my milk stash. I normally had six extra bottles ready to go, but fleeing for an entire day had me using them up. I knew the girls would be hungry in the middle of the night and early morning so I wanted to have bottles to use. There was nothing worse than trying to breast feed two hungry babies at two in the morning.

I grabbed my pump and started on filling the newly cleaned bottles. I was on my sixth bottle and very pleased I was able to fill that many, though it had been a long time since I last pumped. I thought I heard the front door and my heart picked up pace at the thought of Jake and the babies in the same room. I was instantly ten times more apprehensive.

I waited for the pumping to finish before I went into the living room to call them to dinner. I was expecting to hear voices, to hear Jacob speaking to Billy or Charlie. Yet I heard nothing. I was a little worried he hadn't come and I was imagining the front door but remained seated, I wanted this bottle full and soon I was done pumping.

I began to clean myself up when I heard a strangled intake of breath coming from the doorway. I jumped and quickly covered myself. I readjusted everything and slowly turned to the doorway, not really wanting to know who was there, seeing who it was I silently groaned. Standing there taking up the whole doorway, looking like the bronzed Adonis he was, shirtless of course, stood Jacob. _Dear Lord_. I had gone way to long without seeing the wonder that was before me, god how I missed it. Every defined muscle on his chest and abdomen was calling to me. _Give me a break it's been a while_.

He was looking at the ground now and his face was tinged in a hint of red and was filled with shock and something I couldn't really see, maybe…desire…, but that couldn't have possibly been it. _No that's you, sweetie_. I just looked at him, silently appraising him. I had been too much of a coward to look at him at Sam's. He was for the most part still the man I had loved for over a year and been in love with for a year; except anything of the boy I loved before his transformation was gone; all that remained was the hardened mask of a man with too much on his overly full plate. And one of the things I had been trying to avoid by leaving was suddenly dropped on his lap without the months of preparation I had had. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you there…I was just…just trying to get caught up again. I didn't have much time yesterday. They tend to get hungry in the middle of the night and I needed some filled to have on hand and I wanted to…to get caught up. Sorry you had to see that." I was babbling and mumbling and I was sure I was eight shades past red. He didn't say anything and now I wanted out of the room.

"Dinner's ready if you want to grab a bowl and a seat, I'll go get the other two." I stood, grabbed the filled bottles and put them in the fridge. I turned to walk out and noticed he hadn't moved I brushed past him, desperately trying not to touch him. _Great job Bella first day back and you show him your freaking boobs, real fucking classy_. Ugh, why did this have to be so uncomfortable, it's not like he hasn't seen them before, I really wish this was easier. I wanted that comfortable flow back. _But you destroyed that by leaving, you know_. I hate my inner voice right now.

Once in the living room, I looked at the two grandpas. They looked so happy and content holding their granddaughters.

"Hey you two, dinner is ready." I said as I walked up to Billy who held Jules and grabbed her to place her in her carrier. I smiled at her and then turned to Charlie who was handing me Charlotte, I cooed to her and placed her in her carrier as well. Charlie pushed Billy into the kitchen and I had decided to remain in the living room while the men ate. I wanted to stay with the girls and I was using the excuse that there wasn't room in the kitchen for the four of us and the two carriers. _No you're really avoiding what had just happened in that kitchen_. Ok so I was; I really didn't want to have to sit there with them for that meal. I'm not sure I'd even be able to eat now.

A minute or two later Charlie came back in the room. I had begun to set up the play pen under the big picture window on the opposite side of the room. I didn't have a crib here and I wanted them to sleep lying down and not in their carriers, they had spent too long in them.

"Bells you coming to eat?" He asked.

"No, I'll get some once you're all done in there, no need to leave the girls alone and it'll be too crowded to bring them in there." _Keep telling yourself that_. What I said was mostly true and he retreated back to the kitchen. I moved to the couch and sat looking down at the girls.

The moment I sat and before I could occupy myself, I seen that Jacob had walked into the room, looking uncomfortable. I sighed, I really wasn't ready for this, and I was scared beyond belief, of what I'm not sure. Jacob was meeting his girls, the girls he's had no part of until now. _Because of you_. The girls look so much like him that they steal my breath away. I hesitate a little before asking him.

"Would you like to meet them?" I nervously asked, avoiding eye contact. _Coward. _ I could always read him so well and I was truly afraid of what I would see in his eyes. He nodded his head and I motioned for him to sit on the couch. I pulled both carriers closer to me. He sat near me but not close enough to really touch. I leaned over and unhooked the one closest to me.

"This is Charlotte Sarah." I took her out of her carrier and cradled her in my arms. I held her as he stared at her. He swallowed thickly and a look of awe crossed his face. He reached for one of her tiny curls and twirled his fingers in it. He looked a little hesitant.

"Do you want to hold her?" He nodded and I slowly placed her in his arms.

"Watch her head, support her neck." He cradled her in his arms, well arm. Her head and most of her body fit in just his hand and the rest wasn't even as long as his forearm. I chuckled a little; she had never looked so small before. His eyes shot to me and I quickly dropped my gaze.

"I'm doing ok right?" He asked nervously.

"Great, I just noticed how small she is in your arms."

He returned to stare at her as she looked up at him. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, and I was starting to tear up. I could see their connection, it was beautiful. Then I felt incredibly guilty. I had kept them apart; I had prevented this from happening. I selfishly acted on my fears. The day I left, I never considered how important their relationship would be. All I thought about was how it would affect Jake and me. After a few minutes of staring at her he cleared his throat.

"So why did you decide to name her Charlotte Sarah?" He asked. Oh shit, I hadn't even thought of how he'd react to the names. I hoped he liked them; he was on my mind when I named them.

"I…uh…when I found out I was pregnant I always pictured I was having a boy, then a while later I found out I was having twins, I just figured I was having two boys. I wanted to name one after his grandfathers so he was going to be named Charles William and the other would be Jacob Ephraim. To my surprise when they were born they weren't boys and the names wouldn't work. I decided on Charlotte because it's the feminine of Charles and instead of William for the middle name I chose Sarah in honor of her grandma. Is that…is that o.k.?" I was mainly asking about the use of his mother's name more than his like of the name in general.

"I love it, thank you, does she have a nickname?"I smiled, glad he approved and thinking of her nicknames.

"Yeah, I call her peanut but her babysitter calls her Charlie." I chuckled thinking of the confusion that would cause. I let him look at her for a while longer and I thought he would like to meet her sister.

"Do you want to meet her sister now?" He nodded and I took Charlotte and placed her back in her carrier and gave her, her pacifier. I unhooked Juliana, pulled her out and handed her to Jacob.

"This is Juliana Emilia." He had the same look he had looking at Charlotte, awe and amazement. I couldn't let this moment pass; I reached down into the diaper bag and grabbed my camera. I took a picture of the beautiful site in front of me.

"Why'd you pick Juliana Emilia, I mean I know no one in either of our families with those names?" He asked genuinely curious.

"Well I told you she was to be named Jacob Ephraim, after you and as much as I love that name, it wouldn't have worked out well for a girl. I chose a first name that corresponded with Jacob, and I like Juliana, and I wanted her middle to be after someone we both loved and was in our lives so I chose Emilia after Emily. Since she couldn't have the same name as you, she still has the same initials and her nicknames are Jules and lil' bean."

"Lil' Bean and peanut, where'd you get those?" he asked curious with amusement in his voice. I blushed.

"Oh, um…when I first seen the ultrasound, the baby looked like a little bean, and the name stuck throughout my pregnancy and after. When I found out I was having twins they were more developed and I didn't want to call them both Lil' bean so I called the other peanut. Jules was born first so I gave her lil' bean and Charlotte peanut." He nodded his head and continued to look at her. I saw the same connection he had with Charlotte.

"Bella…" he began but hesitated. I could tell what he wanted to say was serious so I cut in. I didn't want it to ruin the happy moment.

"We'll talk later; just take some time to get to know them. I'm going into the kitchen to get a bite to eat, if you need anything just holler, okay?" He nodded, and I moved Charlotte closer to him and handed him Juliana's pacifier.

I marched into the kitchen picked up my empty bowl and went to the stove to fill it with chili. I sat down and tried to ignore the smiling fools at the table while I ate. It worked for a while but soon their piercing glances made eating impossible.

"What?" I asked annoyed. Setting my spoon back in my bowl and I looked up to glare at them. Those two were the worse gossips I knew, they could put Jessica Stanley to shame; they were up to something and I didn't like it. Their smiles grew but they continued to stare and remain silent.

"Ok you two get your little girly grins off your faces and tell me what's up with you?" I asked indignantly**. **I heard booming laughter come from the living room; we were both thinking the same thing about our gossipers. The sound made my heart sing and my face light up. Billy and Charlie both broke out into chuckles.

"We heard what you said about naming the girls and we really feel honored that you wanted to name them after us." Charlie said with an enormous smile on his face, the biggest I've ever seen. If I didn't know those two so well I would've believed that's what they were on about, but seeing as I did, their back and forth looks and grins said they were for a different reason. Looking at both Billy and Charlie I knew that I wasn't going to get it out of them, so I dropped it.

"Of course I would want to name my children after the people that mean most to me and to them. It made me feel that I had a piece of each of you with me."

"Well thank you all the same Bella, I'm sure Sarah would've been honored that you gave her granddaughter her name." Billy said somewhat sadly.

"No Billy, its Charlotte's honor to carry the name of the woman who loved so well and raised such amazing children, your son if proof enough; I just wish she was here to see her grandchildren." My eyes were teary, _stupid hormones_.

To avoid anymore mushiness that would have me crying buckets I finished eating quickly. I noticed that after I left Jacob in the kitchen to eat, he hadn't, so I filled three bowls for him and set them aside. I then put the remaining chili in the fridge for leftovers. I did the dishes and cleaned the sinks; the girls needed baths and considering their size, the sink was the best bet since I left the baby bath at my apartment, 22 hours away.

Just as I finished up in the kitchen, I heard one baby begin to cry. Before I even made a step towards them, my name was yelled.

"Bella!" Jake called out panic clear in his voice. The moment I entered the room I seen that it was Juliana who was crying.

"What'd I do? I didn't hurt her did I? Why's she crying?" The panic that was in his voice had risen and was all over his face as he looked at her desperately. I would have laughed had he not looked so scared.

"Jake calm down, it's okay. Put her up to your shoulder, it's most likely gas. There you go, now gently pat her back." While he was burping Juliana I heard the tell tale sounds of Charlotte grunting and groaning. That had Jake's attention in a micro second. I guess he was going to get the crash course on diaper changing tonight.

"Is she okay?" Again there was fear in his voice. I would have to get used to this version of Jake. He normally showed fear of nothing; but he had no experience with babies. This was all new to him and happening at once, and he was also a wolf. He always worried his strength would hurt someone, especially someone close to him. That fear had to be magnified by holding his tiny, very young, fragile children. Also because he was a wolf, he is a born protector, all his instincts point to do just that, protect. It's his instinct to keep his offspring safe and happy. It must really upset the wolf when they are crying or cranky. Not to mention the general unease of being a new parent. I was probably ten times worse the first week after I left the hospital. I had to calm him down.

"Jake she's okay, it's nothing, she'll need a diaper change in a few minutes. You're doing fine. You have to try to keep calm, you can't freak out, they sense that and they'll get upset. It's okay when they cry, they're just telling you they need something. You're not going to hurt them. You always told me you'd never hurt me and I know you'll never hurt them." He visibly relaxed except his face. He was now resting his cheek on Juliana's head and looking at Charlotte. His face was filled with worry, apprehension and hurt.

"Jake no one expects you to know how to do this. It's okay to worry, you're their dad, it's innate for you. I can promise you that you will make mistakes but they won't care because they will know you love them and they won't remember. You're learning. You should have seen how much I worried my first weeks." More hurt crossed his face and his eyes harden at the last comment. _So maybe it wasn't the best idea to mention your absence right now._

Charlotte was done with her business but soon Juliana started up. They needed to be changed and bathed. I looked up at the clock, it was nearing their bedtime.

"Since they both need to be changed and they need their baths, how about we change them, give them their baths, and dress them for bed."

He had been scared he'd hurt them and I needed to show him that he wouldn't. He also had to learn how to take care of them. His eyes got big when I mentioned everything I wanted him to do, but quickly returned to their normal hardened state.

"Okay, but you'll have to show me how." Nervousness laced his voice.

"I will." I picked up the diaper bag and brought it to the center of the room and took out everything I needed to change them. I spread the pad out and grabbed Charlotte in her carrier and set her by the pad.

"Come sit by the pad and I'll show you what to do with Charlotte and you can do it yourself with Jules." He got up and moved to sit by my side. I realized that I hadn't gotten the bath water ready and having two naked babies waiting for the sink to fill was dangerous.

"I got to get the bath water ready, I'll be right back and we'll get started." I stood, went to the duffel with their things and grabbed two baby towels along with the baby shampoo. I marched into the kitchen and made my way to the sinks. I started running the water to get it to the right temperature and filled both sinks, set everything on the counter and returned to the living room, ignoring the glances.

Sitting down again by Jacob I pulled Charlotte out and placed her on the changing pad. I showed Jake how to take the outfit off. I showed him how to clean her up once the diaper is off and how to roll up the dirty diaper. Once she was done I laid her on her outfit next to the pad, so that if she peed it was no biggy, I had to wash it anyways.

"Okay, lay her down on the pad and do what I did. Once you're done we'll bring them in the kitchen." He nodded and moved the pad, set her down and did what I had just done. He was extremely careful in his movements, with a look of extreme concentration but his brain seemed to go a mile a minute.

Once he was done we picked up the girls and went to the kitchen. I nodded to Billy and Charlie and went to grab two wash cloths and poured some shampoo in the water.

"We're going to put both in at the same time. You'll have to hold her head and neck, keep her stable with one hand and wash her with the other, okay?" I took two glasses out of the cupboard and added one to each sink and placed Charlotte in one sink, Jake placed Jules in the other.

He followed my movements on Jules while I washed Charlotte. Once they were washed I handed him a towel and drained the sinks and I picked up Charlotte and wrapped the towel around her, Jake did the same with Juliana and we wrapped them up. I smiled at Charlie and Billy as we walked back into the living room to diaper and dress the girls. We dressed them in onesies and placed them in the play pen under a light blanket. Once they were settled I made my way to the couch and plopped down. I rested my head on the arm rest and closed my eyes. I was exhausted, and sighed, my day wasn't finished. I still had to talk to Jacob.

"Bella?" I heard Jacob ask.

"Hmm." I was really too tired to open my eyes yet, when we started talking I would attempt to or I could talk with my eyes closed.

"When was the last time you slept?" Okay, I wasn't expecting that question for our conversation but I really had to think about it.

"What time is it?"

"Quarter after nine."

"Just under 40 hours ago then."

"Okay, we really need to talk but your too tired to have any talk right now, get some sleep and we'll talk tomorrow." Jacob said quietly.

"Sounds good, let me just go say goodnight." I got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen.

"Dad I'm going to bed. I think I'm going to sleep on the couch so I'm close to the girls so that when they wake up they don't wake you up." I said in a yawn.

"Okay Bells you get some sleep and tomorrow we'll talk." Charlie said looking pointedly toward me, oh yay, another conversation I can look forward to tomorrow. I just humbly nodded my head. I left the kitchen and went to my room. I tried not thinking about the last time I was here and quickly grabbed a blanket and my pillow. I returned to the living room to set up the couch. In the living room I saw Billy looking intently at the babies who thankfully fell asleep.

"I'll see you soon my two beautiful angels. Maybe your mom can bring you two down and she and I can talk." The look Billy gave me meant that there was no room for protest. What was this, let's have several emotional tense conversations with Bella in less than two days, did they really think I could handle that or were they trying to see how fast I'd break? _Well you did say you'd do anything to be back in their lives, right?_ I just nodded.

Charlie wheeled Billy outside which left me and Jacob alone again. I turned to the couch to make it up for the night. When I finished I saw that Jacob was staring enrapturedly at the girls, a small smile turning the corners of his mouth, he leaned over and placed a small kiss on each of their heads. Again guilt stabbed me, as he stood he started turning to me, I quickly dropped my eyes.

"Bella, tomorrow." He said with finality. I was not going to get out of the talk, I knew that and I didn't really want to, he was just the only one I wanted to have.

"Yeah, tomorrow." I wasn't looking forward to the other talks I was going to have to have. There was only so much emotional turmoil I could stand at one time, I had a feeling I would find out how far I could be pushed. I needed to sleep so I lay down on the couch and curled up. If I was going to face the gauntlet then I needed to get my rest. I pulled the blanket up and watched as Jacob again bent over to kiss each girl and then he ran a finger along the cheek of each. He stood turned and walked out. A few moments later Charlie walked in. He walked up to me, kissed my head as Jacob kissed the girls, and stood.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Night Dad." I replied blankly. I was still stuck on the fact Jacob left without saying goodbye or really acknowledging me after telling me of the talk we would have. I hated this strain between us. _You put it there_. There was this tension that was pulling on my every nerve and stabbing my heart. It made it hard to breathe and concentrate, I wanted us back. I wanted Jake and Bells back; the natural flow of our relationship. I wanted my best friend back; but I wasn't naïve enough to believe that was possible after everything. I had a long walk ahead of me and with more than one person, I wasn't sure I had the energy or the sure footedness to make that journey, but I'd find it somewhere I had no choice.

Not long after Charlie climbed the stairs to go to bed, I tried to sleep but like every night since I found out I was pregnant my thoughts drifted back to Jacob and the pain; and like normal I silently cried myself to sleep where I dreamed of the life I lost when I left, and the trust I destroyed.

**A/N:** I have to again say thanks to all my wonderful reviewers, I really appreciate all your encouraging words and support. Thank you also to my readers, it means a lot that you are interested in my story.

I've decided that after Chapter 5 I am going to once a week updates, so I would like to know which day you would prefer I update, Monday or Friday are the choices, either leave your response in a review or a PM. Thanks again.


	4. The Day of Surprises

**Disclaimer: **I sadly don't own any of the characters for they belong to Stephanie Meyers

Ch. 4

The Day of Surprises

When Charlie came down in the morning dressed in his uniform I woke. It surprised me that it took him coming down to wake me, with two babies I became a light sleeper. I looked up at the clock and realized that I had only fallen back asleep two hours ago after the girls had been awake for an hour and a half after three hours of sleep after the previous wake up. Thankfully they never cried before I went to them. Charlie seen that I was awake and gave me a look. I knew he wanted to talk; about what I had no clue, but right now I was too tired. I hoped he would let me off until tonight, until after I talked to Jacob and so I could get a few more hours of sleep. God must have been smiling on me, or at least took pity.

"Bells go back to sleep, we'll talk tonight after I get off work. If you need anything today, call the station they'll know where to find me." He said happily. He went about his morning breakfast routine and left. I soon fell back asleep.

I woke later to a repeated pounding. I couldn't place it, I was confused and still in my sleep haze. I sat up slowly and the pounding continued. I quickly realized it was someone knocking at the front door. Confused at who it could be I got up and stumbled towards the door. I was shocked by who was on the other side.

"Hello Bella."

"Uh… Hey…Hi…Em, Rach what brings you by?" My voice was full of apprehension. I had a feeling I knew why they were here, but I didn't know what they knew or how they felt about everything, especially me. I didn't know if they knew about what I brought home with me or my venomous stalker.

"Go to see you too Bella, I heard that there are two new Blacks I need to meet." Rachel said with a small smile on her face but it never reached her eyes. I swallowed thickly, why did I have a feeling today was the day of release. The day where most of my secrets for the past half year were going to tumble out, with our without me wanting them to.

"Oh yeah, I figured you'd heard. Come in. They're asleep right now but will wake up soon. I'm going to have some breakfast, have you eaten?"

I turned and walked to the kitchen. I grab a bowl and fill it with cereal. I sat at the table and they followed. I ate quickly and put my bowl in the sink.

"We ate; we fed the pack this morning." Emily said. I sighed; I knew that meant they had a pack meeting, which also meant 'let's talk about Bella time'. So most likely everything I had said was out. Everyone knew I was back and with children and followed by the familiar vamp bitch. I was a little thankful that they knew even though I had wanted to tell them especially the girls. Before I left we were friends, Emily my best behind Jake. I owed them the truth almost as much a Jacob; I owed them more than I owed the pack. They were there for me when I wasn't able to be there for myself. Now I knew they were told, but I needed to know what they were told.

"So…what have you heard?"

"Well, that you got knocked up, got scared, ran away and the leech found you so you ran back with two bitty bundles in tow. Had a major argument with Jake, he took off and went wolf, that's about it." Rachel said with nastiness heavy in her voice. They got all I said and I didn't know what to say. I was nervous and I decided to try to make amends, though I didn't deserve it.

"I know what I'm about to say won't ever make up for what I did, but I'm so very sorry for leaving and for leaving without a note or anything. You both mean so much to me and I heedlessly and selfishly left when it became too much for me. I never considered who I was hurting beyond me. I was blinded by my fear. I'm not going to ask you to forgive me because I don't deserve it."

The whole time I spoke I didn't look at them. I stared at the pattern on the table and saw a pattern emerging in my own actions of late. When talking to people I couldn't look at them. I couldn't look at them for fear of the accusations and pain I'd see in their eyes. _Pain you put there_. I hurt so many people with my actions and the guilt from doing so was preventing me from making eye contact. I was a huge coward.

Before they could say anything or I chanced looking up, one of the girls began to cry. I quickly hopped up, glad of the distraction and went to grab her. I picked her up and put her on the diaper pad still on the floor. I changed and dressed her for the day. I placed her in the carrier with a pacifier in her mouth. I went back to the play pen and noticed the other was awake. I changed and dressed her and placed her in her carrier. I went to the kitchen and warmed two bottles, I seen that I would have to pump soon. I turned to the two women staring at me.

"Would you like to help feed them?"

They jumped up quickly with giant smiles and I think one squealed. They followed me and sat expectantly on the couch. I handed one each a warmed bottle and then a baby.

They sat a while just looking at the baby they were feeding. I had gone into the kitchen and grabbed the pump and four empty and cleaned bottles. I returned to the living room and sat in the chair. I covered myself and began pumping.

"So what are their names?" Rachel asked not taking her eyes off her niece. I was confused; I thought they were told everything I had said.

"Did…weren't you told their names?" They shook their heads. Why wouldn't Jake or Billy tell them, especially Rachel? They must have seen my confusion.

"Bella we haven't seen Jake since he left Sam's nor have I talked to Dad." Rachel responded. Why the hell haven't they seen him, he was always at the pack meetings, he never passed up on Emily's cooking. I put that thought on the back burner till I spoke with Jake. I looked down at who each was holding and smiled a little. But then I felt a pang of worry, would Rachel be mad that I had used her mother's name and how would Emily feel. I quickly switched bottles and turned to Rachel.

"You're holding Charlotte Sarah." I studied her expression, but she gave nothing away. I thought I should explain my reasoning.

"I used Sarah for her middle name so that if you or Rebecca wanted to use the name for your daughter, you two still have that option. I didn't want to take that from you, she was your mother." I tried to reason with worry in my voice.

"Bella I'm not mad, like you seem to think I am. I'm happy she has my mother's name and Becks and I wouldn't have been mad if her first name had been Sarah, she's Jacob's daughter, he has every right to have his daughter named after our mother." I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had held. My heart rate returned to normal. I suddenly realized that for the next couple days every conversation was going to be an emotional rollercoaster.

"What's her name?" Emily asked of the girl she held, her smile still hadn't left.

"Juliana Emilia, I named her after Jake and you." Her eyes got big.

"Why?"

"I wanted to name my children after people who were important to me and their father. You are a mother to that pack, you love all those boys like children and you are my best friend. You accepted me with an open heart when I had no right to expect that. I had no right to that secret. You were there for me when I couldn't be there for myself. You loved me, so why wouldn't I name her after you."

After what seemed like hours a long shocked silence was broken.

"Thank you Bella." Emily said happily.

"No, Thank you Emily, for all you've done." Before I could continue she interrupted.

"Why'd you leave Bella? When I spoke to Sam he said you had reasons for leaving us, and when you were telling Jake, you said you were scared. Can you please tell us why you left?" Wow go for the hard question.

"Well Emily, Rachel, I need to tell you my reasoning, tell you everything I was going through, I really would but I need to tell Jacob first. He needs to know before everyone, he deserves to know before anyone, I owe him that. Once he does know I promise I'll tell you." And I did want to tell her, I wanted to confide in her my fear of the future, that they were justified; that even if my fleeing was very wrong, which I now believed it was, that my reasons weren't wrong, because I truly believed Jacob would believe they were. I needed her to tell me though my fears justified I had just overreacted. I needed her support.

Yet I feared even she wouldn't truly understand my fears. She had Sam. She was assured from the beginning that he could never leave her or resent her. She could do no wrong in his eyes. Emily could empathize with my situation but she could never sympathize. She had never been abandoned by love like I had been; she couldn't understand the scars that left on my heart. She couldn't understand the pain and uncertainty that being left brought. She couldn't understand the unworthiness imprinting or the lack there of on my part brought and sadly neither could Rachel or Kim. Of course Emily understood physical pain and scars caused by the one you loved but the emotional wounds were much worse. So sadly I was alone in my fears.

"I understand Bella but please talk to him soon. He needs it, we all need it and I want my friend back." She said looking down, the end of her statement struck me; she wanted to be friends again?

"You…want…?" I couldn't even finish the thought in my head let alone get it out of my mouth. I figured after my hasty departure I would forever remain on the outside of the pack, never one truly allowed into the sanctum, but if Emily or Rachel accepted and forgave me I'd be welcomed again. I'd have my family back and I'd never let them go again. And as much as I wanted to let that hope flow through me, I couldn't. I lost one family forever, once. I don't know if I've lost this one yet, if I did, I don't know what I'll do. They made me a better me, they let me feel like I belonged and was enough not like I was tagging along and trying to fit into a world I didn't belong in.

"Bella you are my best friend, and besides Kim, you were the first female involved in this life, in this pack. You understood my worries like the boys didn't, you know how dangerous this life is for them because you were involved in it yourself. We shared an understanding of this life together. For a long while it was us three against those boys. I love you and I already love your girls but I have to know what happened to make you leave to forgive you, and I will forgive you."

By the time she was finished tears had formed in my eyes. The hope that I had pushed away and tried to keep from forming reignited with full force. But yet I didn't really think I deserved to be forgiven this quickly or easily, I had hurt them all, made them worry and wonder. Worries I wasn't sure if I wanted to know about, but like them I needed to know. I needed to know what I had done to them, just like they needed to know why I left and what that life alone was like for me.

I pushed the tears back, calmed my frayed nerves and looked at both, especially Rachel who seemed uncharacteristically silent.

"I'll tell you what I told Charlie and Billy last night, but I want you to know that what I'm telling you is not all of it and you will get the rest later…after." They nodded and I recounted what I had said the previous day. By the time I was done I again had tears in my eyes.

I decided I didn't want to cry anymore with them. They agreed and they began grilling me about my pregnancy; what it was like, what cravings I had, was I scared. During the talk I got up and took a photo out of my purse, a photo I have carried every day since it was handed to me. I handed them the copy of my first ultrasound and the one that showed me carrying twins. They then asked about my labor and delivery. I was as vague as possible; I didn't want to remember that experience.

Soon the babies needed to be changed; I changed them and handed Rachel Jules and Emily Charlotte.

I leaned back and relaxed a little as I realized it had been a while since I had last showered. If I was alone I wasn't really going to get the chance to, so I decided to take advantage of the two adults in the room.

"Hey do you two mind if I run up and shower, it's been a while and it would be a lot easier if someone was here to watch the babies while I did so?"

"Sure go right ahead." Emily replied.

I grabbed my bag still in the living room and raced upstairs to the bathroom. I stood enjoying the warmth and familiarity of this shower. I let the water melt away all the tension from my situation. While the water flowed I could relax and ignore the insipid nagging ache on my heart and the trouble of thoughts of Jacob. I had questions about what my absence was like for him, but I was too afraid of the truth to ask. _Ignorance is bliss_.

I quickly finished my shower, dried off and reached for the duffel I had brought up with me. I stared down at the clothes that I actually packed. I frowned, I only had really packed two days worth and weren't really adequate Forks choices. I picked the better of the two and dressed.

I made my way down and both Rachel and Emily must have noticed my frown.

"Bella what's wrong?" Emily asked.

"Oh it's nothing really, silly even, considering. I just looked through the clothes I brought with and noticed my disappointing packing skills." They looked at me confused.

"In my rush to get out of dodge and get back, I pack quickly without much thought for me and the girls. I didn't really look what I was doing and my choices weren't the best for Forks nor was it near enough. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm going to do for clothes for me and the girls."

"How much is not enough?" Rachel asked.

"Well with what I'm wearing and what I wore I have one outfit left and I don't even know what I have for the girls."

"You have three days worth of clothes?" Emily asked shocked.

"Yeah, I was a bit more concerned with getting back here as quickly as possible; I left pretty much everything back at my apartment." Which was true, everything I had purchased or brought with me when I fled was at my apartment, I had no choice but to leave it all and now I had no clue on how to replace it.

"Oh," was all Emily said as she shared a look with Rachel. A small smile slowly formed on both their faces and a maniacal glint formed in their eyes. Needless to say I was scared.

"Do you have plans tomorrow Bella?" Emily asked sweetly not lessening my fear.

"No," I replied stretching the word out belaying my hesitancy of what they were up to. I had seen that look from them only a few times and it never ended well.

"Good then tomorrow you and the girls are coming with Rachel, Kim and I and we are going shopping." Yep I was right, scary.

Emily, though nowhere near as shopaholic as Alice at times has come close. I have a feeling that I'm not going to get out of this and I missed them so much I was willing to put up with this torture.

"Okay," I replied still hesitant for what they had planned and the looks in their eyes.

"But just so you know I really don't have all that much money in my checking account and I have to get the babies some stuff considering I left most of it." I had no idea where I was going to get the money to replace everything I left, I knew I was going to have to look for a job and a babysitter but I knew I didn't have enough to tide me over, even with Charlie letting me live here. The need for a job outweighed my choices in Forks. I knew I need more hours and pay than my previous job offered and plenty more than Newton's offered and my abrupt departure wouldn't sit well with any employers in town. God, couldn't anything be taken off my ever growing list. _Nope, isn't responsibility fun?_

"That's fine, what do you all need for the girls, and what did you leave behind." Rachel asked.

I quickly went into everything that I would eventually need that I had left behind, and then told them some of the things I left behind for myself. I sighed and looked up at the clock and noticed it was lunch time.

"You two hungry?" I asked and they nodded. I got up and began making my way to the kitchen when Rachel called out to me.

"Why don't we go to the diner and get something, one less thing for you to do, my treat?" Rachel asked.

I was extremely hesitant to reply. As much as I wanted to not cook the thought of going into public now was a bit too much. I had no clue what had been whispered about me since my departure. I knew the moment that I was seen with the babies, the rumors would run rampant and few would probably be true. Not wanting a spectacle didn't help with the thought that I knew I had to get back out and into the world. I had hidden myself for nearly seven months. I couldn't hide anymore; I couldn't hide my girls like I was ashamed of them. I had to face my action and stand up for myself, something I didn't do when Edward left. If I couldn't stand up to relative strangers how could I expect myself to stand up to my family, make them understand why I thought it best to leave. I wouldn't allow Forks to walk all over me like they had done in the past.

"Bella?" _Space much_.

"What…Yeah, sure, let's go. Let me grab a few bottles for the girls and their diaper bag and we can go."

I went to the kitchen, put the bottles that I had filled away and grabbed two from the fridge. I packed the diaper bag and turned to help Rachel and Emily secure the babies in their car seats.

I picked up the diaper bag, my purse and one of the carriers and made my way to pick up the other when Rachel picked it up with a smile. I took a quick look outside and seen it was sprinkling. I needed to cover the girls. I set down the carrier I was carrying and made my way to the playpen to grab to light blankets. I handed one to Rachel and took the other to cover the other. I then picked up the carrier and the five of us made our way to my car.

I moved to the back of my car and placed the carrier I held in its holder, then I moved to the other side of the car, took the carrier from Rachel and placed it in its holder. Rachel climbed in the open space in the back seat and I made my way to the driver's door pulling out my keys on the way. Once we were all settled. I backed out and began the drive to the diner.

On the drive to the diner my nerves grew, I tried to ignore them, to push them away, to no avail. I would no longer have my secret and I would be placed front and center for public scrutiny. Once I stepped through those doors it would only be a short amount of time before all of Forks and La Push knew my secret.

We pulled up, climbed out, and I let a huge breath out in an attempt to calm myself.

"It's okay Bella." I nodded at Emily's attempt to reassure, not trusting my voice to my nerves.

I grabbed one carrier, the diaper bad and my purse while Rachel grabbed the other. We made our way into the diner. The moment I stepped in silence fell over the once roaring diner. I looked up and everyone's eyes were on me. Emily and Rachel quickly found a booth and I followed my eyes now trained on the floor. I slid in first and placed the carrier and diaper bag in the seat next to me and I put my purse in the diaper bag. Rachel slid into the opposite side and put the carrier she held in the seat next to her while Emily slid in next to me, I figured to prevent me from accomplishing the escape attempt I already had planned.

Even though we had sat down I could still feel every pair of eyes in the diner bearing into me. The blush I was so familiar with rose with a vengeance. Almost as if ear plugs were pulled from my ears a booming roar of whispers ensued; and my blush rose again as I heard some of the things said. I wanted nothing more than to leave. Definitely the reason Emily sat next to me. Was I really that predictable? _Yes, yes you are_.

I tried to keep myself busy in the attempt to ignore the hum of rumors forming around me. Humiliation was burning through me; never before, for not even a second, had I been ashamed about having gotten pregnant at nineteen and been unmarried, that is until this very moment. I really wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

"Mind your own god damned business and leave the girl alone!" Rachel yelled to the nosey crowd. I was never so thankful to have her in my life. The diner horde quieted quickly and went back to their murmured conversations, their stares finally leaving me.

"Thanks Rach."

"No problem Bella."

The waitress finally made her way to our table and took our orders. I asked for a large glass filled with hot water so I could warm the bottles. She came back with our drinks and the hot water. Just as I finished warming the second bottle to feed Juliana I heard the bell of the door chime. I looked up at who entered and groaned.

Walking through the door were several of my high school friends; all cheerful and laughing until they took me in and the baby in my arms, then their eyes grew exponentially. I quickly began feeding Jules.

"Bella?" Angela asked with unadulterated shock in her voice while she threw quizzical looks at Mike, Jessica and Ben behind her.

"Hey guys how are you." I replied as casually as my voice would allow, Rachel just raised her eyebrow in question, she looked so much like her brother at that moment my heart stuttered. Yeah I know, this so wasn't a causal situation.

"Wow, Bella when did you get back?" Angela asked the others still seemed unable to speak at the moment. I dropped my eyes to the bottle to see how much was left and so I could avoid the intense gazes of my distant friends.

"I…um…just got back yesterday." I answered as I looked back up their wide eyes darting back and forth between Charlotte, Juliana and me.

"Wow…you're…you…you're a mom?" Mike asked somewhat incredulously.

"Apparently?" I asked, wasn't it obvious.

"Since when," Jessica scoffs.

"Two months tomorrow." I replied trying to focus on feeding the baby in my arms. My eyes moved to Rachel and then Emily and I noticed both shared an unreadable expression.

"Oh cool, their so tiny and cute." Angela beamed. I smiled back to her, thankful for her happy presence.

"So whose are they? Jacob Black's?" Mike asked curtly.

My jaw dropped, was he seriously implying that I didn't know who the father of my children were. Or was he just so hard up on the fact I never fell for any of his advance in the past. I know he was sore when I started dating Jacob but to make such a hurtful accusation and in front of the entire diner and said persons sister was low, I was really starting to question our past friendship. I was too shocked to speak.

"Are you blind, isn't that obvious dickwad, of course they're my brothers, Christ can you be any more inconsiderate." Rachel spat. God I loved her. Thankfully Mike had the decency of look abashed.

"Sorry Bella, I really didn't mean anything by it. Well…I just… we just heard you…left. Everyone was really worried…sorry." He finished shyly. Not that I really accepted his explanation.

"Yeah I left and had babies doesn't mean they weren't Jake's." I finished not wanting to say more. I heard Charlotte whimpering and dropped my eyes to her.

"Rach she needs to be burped." I said as I handed her a burping cloth from the diaper bag.

Blessedly the moment I spoke the waitress came to the table with our food. As Jules finished her bottle I moved her up to my shoulder so that I could burp her and eat. I had lost my appetite from the atmosphere in the diner and I wanted to leave. I had been subjected to enough humiliation at the hands of Forks' finest and I needed to retreat to my house where I could avoid the world. Wasn't it enough that I had to face Jacob and Charlie today, did I now have to face everyone in my life? And with that thought a painful realization came to light.

Renée. I hadn't called her yet. Shit. Though I hadn't really had the time since my return I knew I needed to call her immediately, she was another person on my long list of people I abandoned. That really wasn't a conversation I was willing to have over the phone. I mean how do you tell your mother you're a mom after disappearing for nearly seven months; a mother who drilled into your skull the horror that was young motherhood and marriage. I was sort of praying I wouldn't have to and that Charlie would call her and tell her for me. I knew I couldn't let him do that as much as a part of me wished it. So now I had to add another person to my list of confrontations. _Yippee. Hole where are you and may you so graciously swallow me whole_.

I felt a bit bad for ignoring my former classmates but I knew Mike and especially Jessica would have a field of questions for me, questions I really didn't want to answer. I had made an attempt to mend the friendship after my horrible zombie days but the friendships showed their scars. It didn't really help that even before I started dating Jake I spent the majority of my free time in La Push. It was really hard to reconcile the supernatural aspects of my life with my regular, blissfully unaware, human friends. It was easier to be with Jacob and the pack because they were of that world and understood my life. And the questions Mike and Jessica would pummel me with would most likely require me to lie to hide the supernatural aspects of my decisions. I didn't want to lie, so avoidance was the key.

After our food arrived and my four classmates retreated to their own table; Emily, Rachel and I ate in relative silence. I could tell that they wanted to talk to me more. Their furtive glances gave that much away, but I was no longer in the spilling mood. I held Jules tighter and kept glancing at Charlotte while eating silently.

Both Emily and Rachel gave me wide eye looks at the amount of food I was eating. They seemed to not realize that I was eating for three. It took a lot to keep myself full in order to feed my babies, especially two wolf pups. My girls defiantly had their daddy's appetite.

"Wow Bella, you can really pack it in now." Emily said with laughter in her voice. I was a bit miffed.

"Well I feed three, two of which are Jake's hungry pups, can you really blame me." I laughed.

Emily's face filled with understanding, she knew what it was like to feed wolves, I 'm sure she got the picture.

Soon we had all finished eating and I then began to pack Jules up along with the bottles into the diaper bag.

"Bella do you want to go?" Rachel asked curiously.

"Yes, the sooner the better," I replied.

With raised eyebrows she silently handed Emily her purse so she could pay for lunch as she set Charlotte in her carrier. As soon as I seen that she was secure I slid out of the booth with the diaper bag draped on my shoulder while pulling Juliana's carrier with and then began to make my way to my car. I couldn't really get out of there any quicker. Sadly I could hear the quiet murmuring and hushed whispers as I left. Lunch felt ten times worse than my first days at Forks high or even the weeks and months after Edward left, combined. I felt like the town pariah and sadly I probably was. What's the big deal about teen pregnancy?

I buckled Jules into the holder in the back of the car and climbed in the back waiting for the others. I was agitated and antsy. With all of the stares thrown my way I was made painfully aware of the conversations I still had today.

I watched absentmindedly as Rachel leaned into the back seat and placed Charlotte into the holder. She moved to the passenger seat and buckled up while Emily sat in the drivers. I wasn't able to drive in my current state of mind. My thoughts were frantically racing from Jacob and our upcoming 'discussion' and on what I was going to tell Renée. I was blissfully pulled from my mixed up thoughts.

"So Bella where do you want to go now?" Emily asked from the driver's seat.

Currently that was a somewhat loaded question. My first instinctual response was to answer with bristled sarcasm, 'To the bottom of a very deep dark hole'; I squashed that comment knowing sarcasm wasn't needed today. It would lighten the mood considerably, much to my pleasure. I wanted to go to a lot of places. I wanted to go back to where I was. It was simple there, no drama, no excessive emotional pain, no death sentence hanging over my head, it was just plain peaceful. I really wanted to go back in time to the day I started this whole mess and make me change my mind, so that I wouldn't leave. I wanted to go to bed for a week without waking up but none of these things would do, none of them would fix the mess I made. The answer was not where I wanted to go but to where I needed to go. It was time to fix the mess I called my life.

"Just take me back to Charlie's; I need to wait for Jake." I finally replied

They both nodded in understanding. The rest of the short ride was silent. Emily looking at the road ahead, Rachel looking back at her nieces and me staring out the back window; all of us in quite thought.

We arrived back at Charlie's five minutes later. With a hefty sigh I climbed out pulling Juliana's carrier with me and slinging the diaper bag over my shoulder and trudged to the porch. I knew Rachel would grab Charlotte so I didn't move to grab her too. The weight on my shoulders increased with each step I took and a heavy sense of dread filled all my senses as I stepped through the front door.

Emily was right on my heels with Rachel slightly farther back carrying Charlotte. I patiently waited for Rachel to catch up and stepped further into the foyer. When we were all in I grabbed the carrier Rachel held and proceeded to the living room. The girls needed changing and a nap. I was going to join them on the last endeavor.

I rounded the corner to enter the living room and the sight before me halted me in my tracks, stole my breath from my lungs and made my heart stutter and then race. Any thoughts I had of a nap disappeared with the sight before me.

The only thought racing through my very muddled brain was, 'I'm not ready yet, not now.'

Quickly following my shock came the very audible gasps coming from both Emily and Rachel.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for the amazing response I have received for this story; never in a million years did I expect this kind of response for something that came out of my head. A special thanks to all those who reviewed, your comments made my week I haven't commented on everyone but it doesn't mean they aren't appreciated, and also to those who added this story to their alerts and favorites. Let me know what you thought. Again let me know which day you would prefer me to update, the choice is either Monday or Friday; leave your response in either a review or a PM. Thanks samsjazz.


	5. Things That Make Me Remember

**Disclaimer: **I sadly don't own any of the characters for they belong to Stephanie Meyers, I make nothing from it I do it simply for its enjoyment.

**A/N:** This chapter is a bit longer than the others and a large portion of it is in italics, the italics mean it is in memory form.

Ch. 5

Things That Make Me Remember

There on the couch sat a visibly furious Jacob. I could tell just by the tremors that flowed from him into the couch. I knew he was coming over at some point today but was still surprised to see him and even more shocked to see his anger. When he had left last night he had seemed sad but not angry. What had happened to make him so close to losing control?

With that last thought I turned on my heels and went into the kitchen. I didn't want my girls near him when he was like that, even if he kept control of himself and didn't phase. They didn't need that around them, and I was going to try my hardest to keep it like that.

I heard no steps behind me, meaning no one followed but as I entered the kitchen an inhuman snarl shook the windows. I wasn't scared, I never have been, nor will I be fearful of his wolf but the snarl clued me in that his anger was directed at me, the reason still fuzzy. And surprisingly the babies showed no reaction to what had just occurred.

"JACOB EPHRAIM BLACK! Calm the FUCK down, right the fuck now. Your children and their mother are in this house. If you can't calm down right now and control yourself, get the hell out until you can." Rachel was screaming at the top of her lungs at her brother. Of all the imprints only Rachel had the balls to take on a pissed off werewolf, Paul really met his match in her.

After Rachel's scolding of Jacob I heard nothing for several minutes. I began pulling things out of the diaper bag so that I could change the girls. I didn't know if they really needed it but I needed to remain busy. I tried to keep my focus on the task at hand but my mind was firmly planted in the living room going over the millions of possibilities of what happened after her rant. Did he leave? If he did when was he coming back? What has him so boiling mad? What did I or didn't I do to make him so angry? If he didn't leave has he successfully calmed down? Did I want to talk to him anytime soon when me walking out of a room had him at his brink? My brain wouldn't stop with the endless questions of what ifs, as my ears strained to hear any little sound in the living room.

"Don't you dare give me that look, Jacob Black. Do you have any idea what it means that Bella walked out of the room? That she of all people was worried about you phasing on her. She of all the girls that know about the pack…" she pointedly refused to use the word imprint because of the pain she knew she would cause if she did because I wasn't one. "…have never, ever been afraid of any of you mangy dogs, even at your most volatile; she walks up to all of you even if you're shaking or a wolf as if you are still your normal sunshine human selves. She's the only one who as ever walked through a phased pack without fear or afterthought or willingly taken a ride on your wolf. Did you even realize through your anger that she had your daughters in her hands, or were you too blinded by fury to see that? She just fled this room out of fear of you and you have the audacity to get angry with her for leaving the room when anyone else would have done the same thing, your fucking lucky she stayed in the damn house." She paused for a moment and the house was silent again.

"Now I know you two need to talk, cause god knows all the shit you two have to sort out, but god damn it Jake you can't get this angry again, it's dangerous, and you could cause her to run again but this time she'll do it to protect her babies from you, and I'll let her go. So please calm down or I won't let her talk to you till you do, and I want some answers." Her anger was gone but the scolding tone remained.

I was shocked by all she said and I looked down and realized I was in the middle of what looked like my second diaper change. I had been so focused on the event in the other room I had absentmindedly changed my daughters. I was shaken by what Rachel had just told Jake. While most of what she said was true, my reason for leaving the room wasn't and my leaving town with the babies in tow wasn't going to happen even if he physically hurt me. I wasn't going to take his daughters from him, I had already done that. He was entitled to his anger, and his anger was tied to his wolf, I had taken both of their daughters away from them, I deserved the wrath of both the man and the wolf.

I had never been afraid of the wolves in either form; take the first time Paul phased on me in anger. To me they were still the men I knew regardless of their form. I never felt safer than in their presence; but for Rachel to say I was afraid of Jacob is not entirely correct. I knew without doubt that he wouldn't have phased anywhere near me. I left because I didn't want the girls near him angry, they didn't need that atmosphere in their emotional environment.

My mind and heart were racing with all the emotions that began to flood through me the moment my eyes set on Jake's shaking form. I had finished changing the girls again without much active focus and placed them in their carriers and I was currently staring out the kitchen window at the forest behind the house. I jumped when I felt a light hand on my shoulder.

"Bella are you okay?" Emily asked timidly and sadly.

"Fine," I replied quickly.

"Are you sure, you're crying." She pointed out.

"What…"I reached up and felt under my eyes and sure enough my cheeks were damp with tears. "Oh yeah, really I'm fine, just thinking, I guess it made me tear up, really he didn't scare me…I just…I didn't want the girls near that, I know he wouldn't have done anything." I said trying to reassure her of my lack of fear.

"Oh Bella you really aren't afraid of them at all are you?" Her voice had lighted considerably.

"Well there was that first time Paul phased in anger and Jacob jumped in the air to stop him and when I seen them in the meadow, other than that, no I'm not, they're just brave men and a woman who happen to fursplode." I chuckled at the memory of my introduction into the world of wolves.

"You know I'm never leaving again even if he asks, right?" I asked her so quietly I barely heard it. I needed her to understand, I need them all to understand, that no matter what I wasn't leaving. I wouldn't and couldn't do it again. I had survived only months without them and it nearly destroyed me. All their hard work was nearly dismantled and I was allowing it because without me really realizing it they all had become my world, my life and without them I believed I had and was nothing. Up until the moment I found out I was having a baby a very sizeable portion of me still held out the vain hope of Edward and the Cullen's return. I had come to the understanding long before that day, that even if they did return I would never be one of them. Jacob, Emily, Sam, Rachel, Kim and the rest had ensured that, and they didn't even know.

From the day I realized I loved Edward I believed I would love no other but him. I held onto him with white clenched fists long after his departure, unwilling to let the thought of moving on like he asked to enter my psyche. Even as Jacob fixed my heart and soul I refused to let the tiniest inclination that I could move on, could love him more than a most cherished friend enter my mind. I believed most vehemently that I would never love anyone the way I loved Edward. I was right but not in the way I perceived. I had believed that I couldn't love anyone but Edward as intensely as I had him; I believed I wouldn't feel strong romantic love for anyone but him. That thought alone crippled me most times I let myself think it. I know how wrong that was; of course I wouldn't love anyone the way I loved Edward, one loves individuals differently, relationships are different as the people involved in them. So I would never love anyone like I loved Edward, I did eventually realize I loved someone with similar intensity that burned me blissfully; it's just that this love snuck up on me, it grew and bloomed like climbing ivy. I wasn't aware of it until it had encased my entire being. It had snuck up on me in the form of a most cherished friendship. The love I feel for Jacob matches the intensity of the love I felt for Edward. The love I still harbored for him long after my relationship with Jacob began.

Was it wise to love two so deeply, I don't know? All I knew at the time was I couldn't shut my feelings off as I had tried to do with Jacob. Just as my love for Jacob snuck up on me, the understanding that my love for Edward had waned and changed crept into my consciousness. I knew that I would always have love for Edward but I was no longer 'in love' with him.

The only problem I had now was that I would remain 'in love' with Jacob for the rest of my life. We had created an unbreakable bond I would never have had with Edward. My children ensured I would love Jacob until my last breath. He had done what Edward would never be able to do, he took possession of my whole heart and he would remain its holder till I left the mortal coil. I just hope he realized that. Leaving him was not an option I could endure a second time. The first an act of desperation which I regretted almost from the moment I ran.

"I know," was all Emily said.

My patience was running thin on the thoughts of what was occurring in the other room. I was a ball of nerves, frayed and firing in brilliant annoyance. I needed to relax, my day was far from over, I needed to calm down, way down, or I was going to have an aneurism. So I did the one thing that would ensure my calm. I made my way over to Juliana's carrier, picked her up, held her close, stuck my face in her curls and breathed in her enchanting scent. I just closed my eyes and inhaled. Almost instantly I relaxed. I stood there for I don't know how long just breathing my daughter in. Her scent was my balm nothing worked like her. I was broken out of my quite moment by someone calling me.

"Bella?" Rachel asked. I slowly opened my eyes and turned to her.

"Hmm?"

"What did you want to do?"

"What do you mean?" I asked her thoroughly confused.

"Do you want to talk to him right now or do you want to wait, I mean after that display he should understand if you didn't want to speak with him right now." I sighed and turned to Emily still closely clutching my eldest child like a life preserver.

"I know you've been gone a while now and Sam and Paul are probably worried sick about you being in 'leech-lover' territory but do you think you two can keep an eye on the girls while Jake and I leave to have our talk? I think it best if we don't have that conversation near anyone, especially the girls." I asked somewhat shyly because if she said no, I wouldn't talk to him. After his living room display, I wasn't going to have that intense of a conversation that I know it would be anywhere in the vicinity of my children or anyone else for that matter. I would take his wrath but I wouldn't subject anyone else to it.

"It's not a problem Bella, we'd be happy to spend more time with the babies."

"Well it's their nap time so they shouldn't be too much of a hassle and they've been changed and fed. If we're gone for more than three hours they may get hungry. I have bottles in the fridge for them; just warm them with hot water. Um…" I didn't know what else to tell them. I was nervous to leave them for an undetermined amount of time.

"Bella if anything comes up we'll have one of the wolves on watch go get you and Jacob." Emily said having noticed my hesitation.

With one last inhale of Juliana's scent I placed her back in her carrier; I pressed kisses to her forehead and both cheeks. I then did the same to Charlotte.

The time had come; my nerves were on high alert, making me look like I trembled in fear. Sadly I was afraid, afraid of his righteous anger, afraid more of his indifference. I knew this talk wouldn't set us on the path to fixing our relationship in any of its forms, hell it would probably make it worse. He would demand answers, I would give them, but it wouldn't fix anything. We had fought over the main reason of my leaving so many times in the past. It had been the main reason for me denying him in the beginning. I knew the moment the truth left my lips he would be in a fury against me. If he didn't hate me now, surely after he would. He always vehemently denied he would ever leave me it that way and could never understand why I wouldn't or couldn't believe him. Did I not have evidence enough in our little circle that it was not possible for him to keep that promise? But he never gave up the fight for me and eventually I did give in though I never once lost the fear of losing him to some stranger. Where once I had nightmares of running and chasing and finding nothing, I now had dreams of seeing Jacob's cold eyes empty of love as he looked at me but filled with joy as he took in the faceless woman next to him, leaving me alone again, this time without my sun.

I turned to the little shelf under the phone and grabbed the keys to the vehicle I hadn't seen for months and driven in nearly a year. I made my way to the foyer and waited. No one made a move or said a word. We were all frozen, waiting, for what I really didn't know. I needed to bite the bullet and get this started, the quicker I got it started the quicker I could get away and back to the refuge that was my children. I needed to do this for them; their childhood was going to be way too tense if I didn't get my issues sorted out.

"Um…Jacob…did you want to go talk now. I mean if you don't that's ok, we can do it another time." I was giving him the choice, it was best to take it from me; I have a bad track record with decisions and if I really had to I would wait to talk to him. I turned and faced the front door, waiting, shaking, and fidgeting. I never heard him but the moment his hand landed on the small of my back I was set alight. I had never realized how cold I was in his absence, every molecule was tingling. I quietly reveled in his delicious warmth, wishing this brief touch would advance to him enveloping me in his arms. God how I missed be held by him or touched by him. He applied a little more pressure and I opened the door and made my way off the porch and turned to the garage. I glanced back and seen that he was making his way to my car.

"Jake…um…I thought we could take the truck." I then continued walking to the side of the garage and pulled off the tarp that was placed over it last fall. I stuffed the tarp into the garage and opened the driver side door and climbed in and waited some more. In truth I wanted to take the truck in attempt to get back some of our past. We had so many memories in this truck, maybe it would help. What I didn't expect the moment the door shut was the flood of memories that ran through me. I was barraged with every sweet and happy moment that incurred in this cab. All the intimate moments I shared with him. The hesitant touches and blazing kisses; I again cursed myself for my stupid rash actions, I had missed him so much and I knew I would miss him some more.

He finally climbed in next to me but sitting as close to the door as possible, clearly defining the canyon between us. I pushed the hurt his action caused deep in me knowing I really did deserve it. I started to truck, put it into drive and headed out.

I was driving fifteen minutes before I realized exactly where I was going. I don't know what drove me to drive there, I figured it was the mention of it in the kitchen, or the rush of memories the moment I entered the cab, whatever it was seemed fitting for the conversation to follow. So much had happened on or near that stretch of road. Memories burned into me like a hot poker, memories both good and bad.

Jacob had stayed silent the entire time; I couldn't find the courage to even move my eyes in his direction. I didn't know how our talk was even going to begin. Would I be the first to speak or would he?

I finally turned onto the beloved gravel road. I noticed him shifting around in his seat but still didn't turn my gaze to him. My eyes trained on the road ahead taking everything in I hadn't seen since before Christmas. Then much like the first time I traveled this road my gaze drifted to the towering cliffs, this time I saw no oversized boys flinging themselves off.

Taking in those massive cliffs made my heart ache. I remember myself standing upon them waiting and wanting something that was never really healthy for me. My life was altered that day. I didn't realize it then, but later I had a feeling that because of what had or hadn't occurred at the top of the scraggly rocks that I went down a different path then I had originally intended. I had no proof or no clue why I even thought this but I knew my life shifted that day. As the truck continued to roll down the road, the thought of loosing site of the beauty before us was almost painful. I slowed the truck and turned it so that it faced the opposite direction we were before. I stopped the truck and parked it. I just sat there again waiting, this time for the inevitable.

As I waited I realized the terrible idea it was for us to sit in such a confined space. With the truck off the vent wasn't blowing fresh air and his scent permeated the cab. I was enveloped by it. It made my body tingle, my mouth water and my soul cry. His scent, his heat was a harsh reminder of everything I threw away by getting in my car and driving away that cold and harsh January day. My reasons had seemed so important that I couldn't imagine I was wrong or what I was doing wasn't the right thing. God how could I have been so stupid.

Sitting in the cab became too much, before anything could be said, I flew out into the fresh air. I was free of his scent and his heat and the feelings of missing them dissipated. I went to the back of the truck dropped the tailgate and climbed up. I sat there facing the cliffs and remembered that fateful day where he changed me and my life.

* * *

_I stood at the top of the utmost cliff, the wind whipping around me. I looked out over the ocean, I could see the storm approaching. The ache in my heart and the coming of the storm reminded me I needed to do it soon, or my chance for the day would be taken with the rain. _

_ I wanted to hear his voice, needed it like my next breath. The hole in my wounded chest was raging and the only thing that would quell it was this fall, and his voice. At the very back of my mind my judgment seemed colluded but I craved so much for his voice to end the pain and throb he created, if only for mere moments._

_ The wind increased in speed and it began to chill me, I moved closer to the edge of the cliff slowly taking in the water below. From up here it looked almost peaceful. I was waiting for the roar of the voice I craved to chastise me for my stupid foolish dangerous action. I wanted the velvet voice to soothe me from within. It wasn't coming, he wasn't coming, so I edged closer to the point of no return. In truth I was terrified of jumping even as I was mere inches from oblivion but the pain and need were greater and outweighed any fear I felt._

_ I stepped right up to the edge, when I looked in front of me it was as if I was floating. The wind whirled around me, enveloping me like a glove chilling me but I didn't care. I cared for the sweet release that his voice would bring. This being the most stupid thing I had done to date I was sure he would be here, had to be here. I held my breath and waited for the soft velvet to caress my heart. Nothing. I prepared myself to jump._

_ "Bella."_

_ I smiled and breathed a heady sigh of relief as all pain left and joy filled me. He was here._

_ "Yes," I said aloud as if he was next to me, because to me he was, he was right behind me._

_ "Don't do this please," he pleaded and I smiled again, I was getting what I wanted. Him to argue with me; the longer I drew this out the longer he would speak with me. I now had to outweigh keeping his voice longer with the danger from below._

_ "You gave me no choice, if this is the only way you'll come to me I'll take it." My voice strong, I am excited to get this reaction out of him. _

_ "It's too dangerous Bella, please don't do this." He pleads again._

_ "You wanted me to be human, you wanted me to keep my promise, but you broke every promise you made to me. So I'm breaking this one." I yelled into the wind._

_ I rolled onto the balls of my feet and raised my arms as if diving and crouched._

_ "No B…" He began._

_ I was confused for a short second why he suddenly cut out. Then I felt it, just as I was about to jump off the cliff, warm arms wound their way around my waist and pulled me back. I looked down; two warm russet arms were pulling me away from the cliff, from Edward. The pain came, roared inside my chest. I needed to get off that cliff like I planned, I was sure he would yell at me once I was in the water._

_ I fought the arms that held me secure. I twisted and turned in the arms. I used all my strength to pry them off me. Nothing, nothing worked, they were too strong. I was angry this person was keeping me from Edward, taking him away._

_ "Let Me Go!" I yelled still struggling._

_ "No Bella, it's not safe." I knew that voice._

_ "Let me go Jacob, I want to jump." I tried to not sound angry, but I was seething. He was supposed to be here for this not stop me, he promised._

_ "No." I became frantic; he was pulling me away from the edge closer to the woods._

_ "Let me go Jacob please, I need to jump, I have to jump, please don't stop me." I was pleading._

_ "No Bella, you're not jumping." His voice sounded pained but I didn't care._

_ "Let me go now damn it. You can't do this you can't take him from me. You're taking him from me. Now let me go." I was trying my hardest to free myself by any means necessary. I was flailing in his arms, kicking, twisting, and trying to punch._

_ "Who Bella?" He asked though I think he knew._

_ "Edward damn it, you stopped me and he left Jacob, you took him from me, let me go so I can hear him please, please don't take him again." I was pleading, hoping he would let me go. I knew he wouldn't and I was so angry, the hole in my heart was raging, getting revenge already for the brief encounter I had with the angelic voice. I was angry, hurt and crying; he still wouldn't release his hold on me._

_ He backed further and further away from the face of the cliff, slowly into the woods. Soon I could no longer see the cliffs, only hear the waves crashing at its bottom, he never loosened his hold. I never gave up my fight to get back to the cliff._

_ He reached my truck and finally set me down with him between me and the direction I wanted to go. I tried to get around him but his arms still held me, keeping me in place. I whirled on him. I began pushing him._

_ "I hate you, I hate you, you took him from me, I hate you." I screamed crying, my pushing had resulted in me closer to my truck; as I had failed to move him just push me further back. _

_ It was pouring no, we were both soaked to the bone, only I was getting chilled. I was still sobbing and still pushing at him, I refused to look at him, to angry to do anything but push on his chest._

_ I decided that pushing wasn't helping let my anger out and I raised my right arm into a fist and intended to begin punching him. Just before my fist struck him he grabbed my wrist and stopped the momentum and quickly grabbed my left to prevent me from using that as well. He then pulled me into an almost too tight hug._

_ They fell, every wall I had built up around myself to keep me from doing what I was now doing, I was sobbing against his scorching chest. Great heaves of sobs were coming out of me. Never before had I really cried in front of Jacob, sure I let a few tears fall but never cried. I couldn't hold it in anymore, the pain of Edwards abandonment was coursing through me, the hole where my heart once was engulfing my entire chest cavity, the pain unbearable, so I let it out in tears against the chest of my best friend. _

_ I was crying so hard I hadn't noticed Jacob pick me up or put me in the truck. I hadn't noticed him driving. When I was finally able to take in my surroundings after I furiously wiped my tears with my eyes, I noticed we were at the Black's house. My cries hadn't stopped but they were no longer the soul shattering wails I had up on the gravel road by the cliffs. Jacob parked the truck took the keys out of the ignition and sat._

_ My cry laden body, heaving in an effort to get enough air was snuggled up against Jacob. I didn't know what was going to happen now. The walls that had fallen against Jacob's chest weren't going to be able to be built up again, I knew that. Jacob had seen something up there that I had kept in the depths of me. He was going to have some major questions. Most likely my mental stability being his main concern, but I was afraid I was going to lose my closest friend when he learned the truth of my actions since the moment I came to see him all those weeks ago._

_ The thought of Jacob leaving because of my own stupid actions sent me into a new set of body shaking sobs. I couldn't control them as the horror of losing Jacob flew through me. He would hate me for using him to get help induce my delusions. He would turn his back on me and leave me to rot in this unyielding pain. My days would be dark without my sun but I deserved any actions he took, I deserved for him to leave me, hell I preferred if he was going to leave me, he leave me to Victoria. Any pain she dealt me would be nothing compared to living in a world where Jacob wasn't in my life._

_ My sobbing continued and without notice I felt Jacob pick me up and carry me into his house. He sat with me securely in his lap cradling me like a child._

_ "Please don't leave me, please." I begged him through my tears. I was clutching at him desperately, so afraid he'd let go and push me away. I couldn't survive the pain that was to come without him._

_ "Shh…Bells honey…shh, it's okay, I'll never leave you, ever. I promise." He said into my ear trying to console me. It made me feel guiltier for the way I had used him._

_ "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." I cried some more against his chest._

_ "For what honey, you have nothing to be sorry about." His voice was desperate, he was trying to find a way to get me to quit crying but it was only making me feel worse. He didn't know how wrong he was; I had so much to be sorry for. I didn't deserve him; he was too good for me._

_ My sobs had quieted but the tears continued to fall, I was too afraid to tell him all I had to be sorry for, too afraid to break his heart when he had done so much to fix my broken one. My selfish actions would break the only good thing I had going for me. I stayed curled up into his chest, his arms securely wrapped around me, his warmth drying off my rain and tear soaked body. I never felt safer or more scared in my entire life. It was a true contradiction yet I felt both equally._

_ I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know I feel myself being shifted on Jacob's chest. I slowly raise my eyes to look at him. He stares down at me with pained eyes. He stares intently at me, seeing if I'm going to burst into sobs again, thankfully they are behind me, at least for now. Who knows what will happen when I'm alone to my thoughts and without my sun to bandage my mental and emotional wounds. His eyes change and he becomes hesitant._

_ "Bells what were you doing up on the cliffs, just before the storm?" His eyes have hardened, his resolve firmly set, I am not getting out of this talk. As much as I don't want to talk about what occurred up on the cliffs I owe him the truth, I steel myself for the pain._

_ "You promised me cliff diving and then you were gone. I know you were chasing Victoria, I get that but…I…I just…I needed to jump from that cliff, I needed to feel free."_

_ "So you just wanted to cliff dive, why today when the storm made it too dangerous. Bella you could have died had I not pulled you back, do you realize that you could have died had I not been there. What would that have done to Charlie, to Renée, to me?" His voice cracked on the 'me'._

_ "Oh god Jake, I didn't mean it like that, I didn't want to die, I didn't even think about the danger of the water below, I was more concerned with the height of the cliff." I was a bit hopeful he wouldn't bring up my freak out._

_ "Bella who were you talking to up there?" Shit._

_ I dropped my eyes unable to meet his eyes. I was so afraid of what would happen when I told him, but I didn't see any other option but the truth._

_ "You promise not to get angry."_

_ "Bella, just tell me."_

_ "Edward, I was talking to Edward." My chest constricted and the hole blazed in my chest. Saying his name hurt. I had gotten away with it before in my frenzy and it was now exacting its revenge for such boldness._

_ "How were you talking to him, I was up there too and I didn't smell any leech. You and I were the only ones up there Bella." I wanted to chastise him on the use of leech but considering I was going to jump off a cliff to hear the voice of the vampire who dumped me and left me in this state I dropped it._

_ "You're going to think I'm crazy." I muttered quietly._

_ "Bells I change into a rather large wolf, along with my best guy friend and my best friends ex is a vampire, if I don't really think you can say anything that will make me think you're crazy, unless you tell me you're a fairy. Now come on." He was trying to make me feel better but it only made me feel worse, I was going to burst a rather large bubble labeled 'best friend'._

_ "I can hear his voice, in my head; I was talking to a voice in my head. See crazy."_

_ "How, like can you hear him all the time or what?" I shook my head no and looked at him_

_ "I only hear him, when I'm in danger or doing something dangerous, like in the meadow with Laurent." And the recognition hit his eyes and his face transformed into the 'Sam mask'. I wanted to cry seeing that, he was distancing himself already._

_ "So the bikes and you coming to see me was only a ploy to hear your precious leech, you were using me, what else did you do to hear him, what other stupid dangerous things did you do Bella, when else have you heard him?" He asked harshly._

_ "Um…I…I heard him the first time after a movie when I walked up to these guys outside a bar and um…every time I rode the bike till I got better and…"My tears were freely falling. "Then in the meadow…and…" I didn't want to tell him this one, but I couldn't stop telling him, though it hurt to see the pain in his eyes, it felt kind of freeing to openly talk about it. "…and when you were telling me we couldn't be friends and you…you were shaking. Also today on the cliffs but he stopped talking the moment you grabbed me."_

_ "Christ Bella, what the hell were you thinking, why would you use me like that, did _I_ mean nothing to you, am I just a fucking toy to you."_

_ "Yes in the beginning I used you because I was in so much pain and hearing his voice for even the briefest of moments brought some relief to that. So yes my intent was to use you to relieve that pain, but what I didn't realize that just by spending time with you, you were making me better. My heart hurt less whenever I was with you. I genuinely laughed with you. You made me better, and yes I still heard _him _but I needed you to. You are so important to me; I don't want to not have you in my life. Being near you makes me better. I like being better. Please don't be mad at me please, I don't want to lose you even though I deserve it." I was back to crying and finding it a bit ridiculous couldn't I go an hour without the wet works._

_ "Bella the thought of you using me pisses me off and hurts. You are my best friend, I share something with you I don't share with many, I know your hurt but this adrenaline junkie thing has to stop now if you want me to remain your friend. I can't watch you put yourself in danger like that again. It's also not very healthy to hear your ex's voice in your head. I want you to tell me every time you hear it ok." His voice was still hard but his eyes had softened. _

_ "You promise you won't leave me, I need you so much Jake." I asked meekly._

_ "I already promised that Bells, you are my best friend but I have to tell you something." I nodded._

_ "I know you love him and miss him but honey you need to let him go, hanging on to him like this is going to get you killed and I can't allow it. You need to talk about it. If you want to talk to me I'll listen, if you want to talk to a girl, Emily is a pretty good option, but you have to move on, I can't and Charlie can't see you like this much longer, it's killing us."_

_ "It hurts so bad Jake, I don't know how, every time I think of him being gone it's unbearable, I don't know how to let him go, I don't know if I want to." My eyes burned with all the tears that had fallen, Jacob was a blurry figure in my eyes and my arms were wrapped tightly around my chest to hold me together. The thought of giving Edward up, even just the voice was a horrible thought. I was frantic to hold onto anything that had to deal with him. It wouldn't be easy letting something go that had been my entire world for so long, but I knew he was right. And then I heard it._

_ "It's okay my Bella to move on, please move on. Be happy." Came the ethereal voice of my absent love and for some reason it felt like a good bye. I let out a choked sob at the thought that this was going to be the last time I would hear his velvety smooth tenor._

_ At hearing my panicked cry Jacob began to worry. "What is it Bells, what's wrong?"_

_ "Its…he…he…Ed…move…hap…" I was unable to say anything coherent. My chest was heaving and constricting in pain, pain I hadn't felt since that evening in the woods. Jacob sensing this wrapped his arms tightly around my torso and pulled me against his chest._

_ "Bells I need you to take deep breaths, come on for me you can do it, deep breaths." I tried to do what he was telling me. I fought to take big heaving breaths and for the longest time I only could get sharp pants. Eventually I was able to get deep breaths and calm down._

_ "Bells what happened, what's wrong." Worry was still laced in his voice, any anger he held against me was lost in his worry._

_ "Ed…he said…I think he said…goodbye. He told me to move on and be happy."_

_ "As much as I hate to agree with a bloodsuckers voice in your head Bells, he's right, you need to move on for you to be happy. If you wallow in this pain you'll slowly kill yourself and then what would the point of me saving you all the time." He lightly chuckled_

_ I shot him an annoyed glare and curled back into him where I promptly fell back asleep. I woke to the front door of the Black's home opening. Billy was being pushed in by Sam both had aggrieved expressions. I knew immediately something had gone wrong._

_ "What's wrong, was some hurt, and is everyone ok? Was it Victoria?"_

_ "You didn't tell her?" Sam asked Jacob._

_ "Something came up, I didn't get the chance…How is he?" He who, oh god someone was hurt. I looked at Billy and he visibly paled and he shook his head behind me I heard Jacob suck in a breath._

_ "Bella, Harry Clearwater had a heart attack and didn't make it, Charlie is with Sue right now at the hospital but he will want you at home when he's done there." _

_ That evening everything had changed. I had started the process of moving on from the love that I thought would last eternity. It was painful and ugly but I did move on. That day had also changed the pack. Leah and Seth Clearwater had both phased that day, thus causing Harry's heart attack._

_

* * *

_

I was brought out of my memory by Jacob clearing his throat. I turned from the cliffs and looked at him. He was staring at the same place I had been, he was thoughtful and his brow was furrowed.

"Have you…have you heard his voice since that day?" His voice was pained.

"No, you were there the last time I heard it." He nodded his head and remained silent for several minutes. I waited I sensed he was trying to organize his thoughts.

"Why'd you leave Bella?"

* * *

A/N 2: So I've decided that I will update on Monday's so look forward to the next chapter next week. Thanks to everyone who has read my story especially those who have left reviews; your words of encouragement mean so much and keep me motivated.


	6. Reasons1,2,and 3 Don't Mean Shit

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyers.**

Ch. 6

Reasons 1, 2, and 3 Don't Mean Shit

I didn't know how I wanted to answer that, I had so many reasons back then, so many reasons why I'd left but they all boiled down to one thing. I mean I could go into a long drawn out monologue but I didn't want that, I wanted to answer him simply and honestly and not bullshit him. I figured if I just answered the questions and didn't go on and on, he may take my answers and reasons to heart and not flip out. I was at least hopeful on that front.

"I was scared." There simple, yet so very not simple.

"Scared of what, of me?" He asked detachedly.

"No Jacob, like I said back at the house, I am not scared of you, never you. I was scared of everything else."

"What's everything? You're being vague here Bella."

"First I was terrified before I even found out for sure, it was so scary to imagine I was nineteen and pregnant. I had no idea what I was going to do. I took the tests and sat on the bathroom floor crying, shaking for over an hour. I hadn't even looked at the tests yet but I knew, I think subconsciously I knew before Christmas. That was the only thing that would explain my nausea and exhaustion during the holidays. I didn't want to acknowledge the truth."

"You knew for weeks that you were pregnant?" He asked viciously.

"No, I didn't know for sure until the afternoon before I left, when I took the tests, now looking back I had the symptoms for a while, I just tried to find other rational reasons for them like holiday stress."

"What else were you scared of Bella, I know you didn't just leave because you were nineteen and pregnant, you would be that anywhere you went."

"I sat for hours on the bathroom floor having a pity party unable to look at the tests, I thought a lot about what it meant now, for me, for you, for our lives. I grew up with the perfect example of what young pregnancy and parenthood did to couples in love, I am that example. Even though logically I know I'm not at fault for Charlie and Renée falling apart and her leaving. If I hadn't been born when they were so young, they might not have fallen apart under the pressures of parenthood. Renée might not have felt so trapped and run away. Parenthood destroyed my parents' marriage. My god it took Charlie until I was nineteen for him to start dating again. I was shipped to Forks; I didn't feel I belonged anywhere because I had no firm foundation. I was terrified that it would happen to us. That the foundation I was beginning to build with you would crumble under my feet and then my child would feel how I did."

"You were terrified that being teenage parents would tear us apart?"

"I love you so much and the thought of us not being in love, of us not being able to parent together because we were torn apart was more than I could handle. I was shaking, I was so scared."

"When I finally got up a bit of courage to look at the tests, any tiny hope I had that I just had a really bad case of the flu or I had some sort of food disorder was quickly whisked away. I was pregnant. I kept thinking of how I would tell you, of how you'd react. I could imagine your shock and your fears, but none of the same fears I had. I then pictured you smiling your biggest sunshine smile. I knew you would worry and be nervous but I knew you would be overjoyed, jubilant. You would have gone into immediate overprotection mode, and as much as I sometimes hate that, I really would have been blessed with your joy, because it would have soothed most of my fears. I think that thought got me through so many nights without you; the thought of how happy you would have been, preparing to be a father. Knowing if you knew you would be so happy." I swallowed thickly.

"If you knew I would have been happy, why'd you leave, because you're right I would have been blissful, Bella none of these things you were scared of would make you run?"

"Thinking of telling you reminded me of telling Charlie and Renée. I knew they would be highly disappointed in me but it was Charlie's reaction to you that had me worried. I was afraid he would hate you, threaten you life. I was worried it would harm your relationship with him. I know you think of him as a second dad because he has been there for you your entire life, he helped with things Billy couldn't, I worried you'd lose that. I was worried you'd lose him."

"I thought about everything Charlie had done when he found out I was coming. All he gave up. I thought about all you'd have to give up. You have so many responsibilities already I didn't know how you were going to handle this one when I didn't know how I was going to handle it. I mean Jake I only saw you on Saturday's for both November and December and most of October and even then most of the time we were with the pack; I know you only slept like three to five hours a night. You had school, which you had a year and a half left, your after-school job taking care of your dad, all your wolf duties. Something would have to give, and I knew you'd give up school. You had threatened to do just that during the months that Victoria was so relentless. You would have given up your dreams for the baby. Then one day you'd resent me for taking those dreams away."

"Bella if I chose to quit school and give up those dreams so be it, it was my choice to do so, and most of my dreams were lost the moment I became a wolf. Even if I gave up my dreams for the baby I would have never resented you or the baby, they would have been actions of my own choosing."

"I know you think that but I also know what happens to young parents. I thought about how Renée resented Charlie for keeping her trapped when I was little, I was terrified that if you gave up school and your future plans because we got knocked up that one day you'd resent me and the baby, the thought of that happening made me sick and sent me into a fit of sobs. Once I came along my mom began resenting my dad for the loss of her dreams so she left. I didn't want you to leave me like she left him. I couldn't bring up these fears with you because you would make promises and assure me, but I truly feared you'd one day hate me for ruining your life."

"But Bella, I am not your mom."

"Then the thought of you leaving me reminded me that one day you would leave me, even unwillingly. You have promised and swore again and again that you would never leave me and you wouldn't imprint and I told you I believed you. We have had so many endless fights over this since I learned about it. It was the reasons I fought off your advances for so long, even after I realized I loved you. It was the reason I was scared shitless every time we met anyone new. It was always a terror in the back of my mind, one I usually pushed into silence. Whenever anyone would walk up to you that I didn't think you met I would literally hold my breath praying I wouldn't witness you fall in love with the woman you'd leave me for. Whenever we were apart for long periods of time I prayed you wouldn't be coming to tell me you were leaving. I never really told you of my fears because any time it was mentioned we would argue over it; and really for me at the time any time with you was worth it for me. I would enjoy every day I was given with you, because you being in my life made me the luckiest woman."

"Christ Bella, how many god damn times do I have to say this for you to get it. I. WON'T. IMPRINT. I can't imprint. You are all I see, all I want to see. You're who I chose, you're who I choose. I have loved you from the moment we argued about our true ages and I had an unbreakable crush on you since that day on the beach where I told you the legends. Whether whoever controls imprinting sees it or not, YOU ARE MY SOUL MATE!" He yelled the end out. His words made me melt and my heart ache because I wanted to believe him so badly but couldn't anymore. I knew imprinting was going to cause us to have a fight and I was prepared to fight him on it. It was the main reason I left, I knew rationally the other fears could have been dealt with given time and negotiation but I couldn't reconcile him imprinting.

"I know you said that but please listen, after I found out I was having a baby, you imprinting became a big problem for me. I thought I could handle you leaving me for your imprint before, but I was just lying to myself. I knew without a doubt when that happened I would be irrevocably broken. No one would have been able to fix me again, because the only person who could fix me was already gone. The moment those sticks showed me their two pink lines I had to think about the baby. When you imprinted you weren't just leaving me, you'd be leaving your child. Our child deserved more that an empty shell of a mother and a father who loved someone else more. I know logically we would have shared custody but it would still leave a scar on our child. Believe me I know, I have that scar."

"Though they didn't say it or believe it. I always believed that I was the reason for their marriage ending. I always felt responsible. I felt inadequate of their love, because Charlie didn't fight hard enough for me to stay, because Renee took him from me without considering the damage of not having him in my life would cause. I was able to handle those fears until I met the Cullen's. Being near them doubled my feelings of inadequacy; their leaving sealed those feelings in. When you imprinted and left, I didn't want our child to feel what I have felt since my parents' divorce, I couldn't do that to him or her."

"I thought that whole day and night and I decided I wouldn't survive you leaving me, or hating me, so I would leave. I would give you time to find your imprint, finish school, start on your dream, free you from the pressures placed on your shoulders. I was sure what I was going to do would hurt you but I reasoned you'd find your soul mate and you'd be happy."

"Bella, that is some of the most insane reasoning ever given for leaving, what the hell made you think that leaving would solve any of the problems you mentioned? Why the hell didn't you talk to anyone before you left, someone that could have talked sense into you?" He asked harshly.

"Because had I spoke to anyone, they would have convinced me to stay without much effort and at the time I didn't want to be convinced and I firmly admit I wasn't thinking the most clearly or sanely at the time. I believed I was doing right by you and our baby so I didn't want to be swayed from my decision. I'd like to say it was pregnancy brain but really it was the culmination of months of fears and built in values exploding on me at once and I couldn't deal. So I left. I loved you and the thought of you leaving me destroyed me, I didn't want to wait for you to leave me and the baby, so I left you. I figured it would hurt less in the long run if I was the one to leave. That when you eventually imprinted I wasn't with you so it wouldn't destroy me like it would have done had I been with you. I left you so you couldn't leave me and abandon me." That's when it hit me smack dab hard in the nose that last sentence should have ended 'like Edward did'.

I have known since the day I had shown up with the dilapidated bikes that Jacob wasn't anything like Edward; I had depended on that fact nearly every day since. Similarities hurt me too much and stopped me from feeling better. There were literal differences one was cold as ice the other hot as the sun, but emotionally they were like that too. Edward was cold to almost everyone not in his circle; he was a man of his era calm and collected. Jacob warms everyone he meets, his smile outshines the sun. He can make anyone have a great day just by being near him, he lightened one's heart. Edward was overprotective and concerned about outside appearances while Jacob was protective but not overly so. He let me take risks within reason and never cared what anyone thought of him. They were polar opposites and I loved them both. But it wasn't until this very moment I was treating my relationship with Jacob as if he would do exactly what Edward had done.

I had never felt good enough to be in Edward's life; and he echoed those sentiments in the forest with the words he spoke. Though I didn't fit in with the wealthy vampires, I did truly believe I belonged with my wolves, but that didn't mean my feeling of inadequacy weren't carried with me to them. I went through my entire relationship with Jake placing Edward's actions on Jake. The fear and betrayal I felt because of Edward clouded my relationship with Jake. Imprinting was just the source I used to place the blame on Jacob; but I have always known, deep, deep in my heart, Jacob is not Edward. I was more scarred from Edward then I had previously believed. I had come to the assumption that after dating Jake, and falling in love with him, I was healed, that the wound left by Edward had slowly healed over. Most of my reactions to things in Jake's and my relationship were always unconsciously controlled by the scars left on my heart and mind. My panic the day I found out I was expecting just forced that concept from my panic raddled brain and I reacted without much thought.

Jacob was right I should have gone to someone, anyone and told them of my fears. They would have shown me reason when reason didn't exist in me. I think that's why I didn't though. I was at the point where I didn't want to be reasoned with. Anyone could have gotten me to stay with a few words and I knew that in my panic haze so I avoided and ran as quickly as possible to prevent me from staying.

"So you're trying to tell me is that you left me, with the knowledge you had our child growing in you, all because you were scared of things I would nor could ever do, am I getting that right?" Anger was growing in his voice as he spoke. I had remained pretty much emotionally detached throughout my explanation I think it was the only way I'd be able to tell him. I was exasperated, yes the majority of what I said I knew deep down he wouldn't have done, except the imprinting, which was the only thing I couldn't believe he wouldn't do. He has no control of whom or when he imprints but fighting about imprinting right now would get us nowhere. I sighed.

"Yes, I spent 16 straight hours thinking of everything bad that could happen either because of the pregnancy or just in our life and I didn't think rationally or logically, I became overwhelmed, panicked and fled. I know now what I did was wrong and hasty and I'm so sorry for everything I put you through."

"Sorry, you're sorry? Bella you left me with nothing, not even a goodbye, do you know what I was thinking, wondering what the hell I did to drive you away and then that call, it killed me. Not only did you only talk to Charlie but you only said two words, two fucking words. Sorry doesn't cover the pain and worry Charlie and I went through. I lost watching my children growing inside you; I lost hearing their heartbeats, seeing them on an ultra sound. I lost talking to them through your belly, feeling them kick when I placed my hand on your belly. I missed their birth, cutting the cords, holding them in their first minutes of life, seeing them open their eyes. I missed their first diapers and feedings, their first day; and what hurts the most is that if it wasn't for Victoria, I think I would have missed more firsts." I didn't like the tone of his voice, there was no anger, no malevolence just pain, deep emotional pain.

I was crying silently because everything he said was true. I acted cowardly; I refused to call home for fear of having them convince me of the one thing I wanted most. I didn't give them the peace of mind of knowing I was okay, safe and happy, even thought I wasn't happy. I didn't give them a reason for my leaving so of course they would put the blame on themselves. I had made them miserable by my unexplained absence and I made my own life miserable for not admitting that I was wrong and I was making me worse by staying. I couldn't even turn my head to look at him the guilt was eating at me. I hung my head and slouched my shoulders, admitting defeat because though I had given him my reasons for leaving they weren't enough for me to have remained where I was, and I had taken all of that away from him and from me. I grabbed my purse and pulled out the two pictures I treasured most and handed them to him.

"I know you weren't there to see it live but I want you to have these, they are the first pictures of our girls, I have carried them with me since the day I got them but they're yours now." With that I handed the ultrasound pictures to him never raising my head from my firm gaze on the ground below.

"Do you really think that this will make up for anything you did?" He asked abrasively.

"No, I don't think it makes up for one thing, I'm just trying to give you something you didn't have before, now you know what they looked like when they were four and six and a half months along. No, you weren't with me when they were taken but you can see their development in them."

"How…Why…Did you really think that Victoria wouldn't find you?" He was asking a bit flustered most likely because of anger.

"No, I knew she would find me, I just hoped it would take her longer than it did, I worked very hard to make it difficult for her to track me by scent and I was in a relatively sunny place. I was planning to leave there and go somewhere else but she found me and it was time for me to return, I'm just thankful I spotted her before nightfall."

"Christ Bella, how could you be so dense, you could have gotten yourself and our daughters killed by believing that you could hide from her, you couldn't even hide when you had eight werewolves on constant alert for her. Speaking of how you made it difficult for her to find her, what did you do?" Was I really going to tell him all I did to make sure he didn't find me, because I knew he looked?

"I knew that one of the pack was watching and would follow me if I just took off. I packed everything I wanted to take and stuck it in my car and then I made it look like I was going to Newton's knowing that they couldn't follow me directly. When I believed they were on their way I took the 101 to Port Angeles and drove around a bit trying to confuse my scent, I then drove to Olympia and did the same. At Olympia I hopped onto I-5 and drove south until Portland where I again drove around. I tried to drive through big cities knowing it would confuse my scent thus making it impossible to track me that way. I drove for a long time, after a while I decide heading in the same direction I would be easier to track so at Sacramento I took the 99 for a while and then I turned east until I didn't want to drive anymore, I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to continue so I stopped and stayed. I knew I needed to let someone know I was okay so I drove to Vegas after I got settled and called Charlie. I drove to Vegas because it was a few hours from where I was staying and if he tracked the number he wouldn't find me. I didn't want to be found."

"Where were you Bella?"

"I stopped in Lake Isabella, California. It was normally sunny, a somewhat average size city, and had several large roads out of town."

"So you drove trying to dump anyone following you and stayed in a highly populated area, were you ever going to come back?"

"Yes, I was planning on eventually coming back, I was just going to give you time to sort your life out."

"When…When were you going to come back, how much of my children's lives would I have missed?" He asked irritated

"I…when I left I planned on staying away long enough for you to at least have graduated high school but the longer I was away the harder it was to stay away I don't think I could have lasted another six more months away." I knew he was going to blow with that information.

"What! You were going to be gone six more months to a year longer, meaning I would have missed their first birthday. I would have missed their first teeth and words and them starting to walk, god, how could you do that to me, to them? God, it makes me so angry that I have to be thankful to that bloodsucking wench for you being here with me only missing…exactly how old are they?"

"They turn two months old tomorrow, the seventeenth." I answered quietly

"So I only missed two months, how great." He replied sarcastically.  
"Jake…" I sighed.

"What, I'm right aren't I, don't I have a right to be pissed about it, up until yesterday I didn't even know they existed and I had no idea where in fuck you were or what had happened to you. Now you tell me that if it wasn't for the leech who wants to kill you I would have missed the first year of their lives or more."

"What do you want me to say, that yes I planned on being gone that long and would have kept them away from you for over a year? Yeah that was the plan, but it was physically killing me to stay gone, I was barely sleeping at night, I worked my ass off just to pay for daycare, my rent and utilities and my food. I was burning out and it made me miss you so much more. I didn't go one night not thinking of you and the way your arms felt wrapped around me. I didn't leave because I didn't love you Jacob, I left because I did. Though we were hundreds of miles apart you haunted me in my days and in my dreams. I am sorry I put you through what I did, I am sorry I kept our babies from you. I didn't want to hurt you but I knew I would, I'm sorry but…but…but." I couldn't continue as I finally succumbed to my tears and sobs poured out. The pain of what I had done was finally hitting me with brute force and was suffocating me.

"I don't want your tears right now Bella, you still don't know what you did to me. You wanted me to finish school well guess what, I was too emotionally fucked up after you left to even go to school, I haven't been to school since it let out for Christmas break, I say I'm officially dropped out, so that plan of yours went to shit. For the first two weeks you were gone I had a little bit of hope you just ran away for a little while, that hope was the only thing that kept me sane, sane enough to wrack my brain on why you'd leave me. I thought we were doing great. I was so in love with you I had our whole future planned out. I wanted to marry you, take care of you, build you a house make babies with you, and grow old with you. You left and that future died with the fumes of your fleeing car. Then that fucking call, that cruel emotionless fucking call sent me over the edge. Do you get what those words did to me? I broke; I couldn't keep human form for more than thirty seconds and that was with an Alpha order from Sam. The pack wasn't able to stay phased with me because of the weight of my emotions even in wolf form. I ran away to give them a reprieve from me so they could do their fucking jobs. I became all wolf so that we could all be phased at the same time and they wouldn't fall under my pain. I spent four months as a wolf away from home thinking of the most horrid things that could have happened to you because that was the only way I could figure out why you had left. Something must have happened. And the only reason I came back was because Sam Alpha ordered me to come back and he ordered me to phase back, he had to force me to stay human for me to stay and for three weeks I wasn't allowed to leave the reservation so that I was prevented from running again." My body was quaking with the sobs I was silently letting out trying to be quiet because I didn't deserve to feel pity for myself for what I had put him through, it was worse than I thought and it was killing me. I was a horrible person, a cruel vindictive person who only cared about herself. I didn't think my leaving would have been that bad on him and when he told me about the future he planned for us, the hole I thought long healed shredded my heart and the pain overwhelmed me but I refused to show it.

"I thought the leech had found you and was torturing you and that you had died. I truly thought you were dead and I felt that I had failed you, failed to keep you safe from harm like I had promised. I thought that you missed your precious leech family so much that you left to find them to become one of them. Even after everything that the pack had done for you, you still ran after who you wanted more because god knows I'm not good enough for you. I spent so long wracking my brain trying to figure out what I had done wrong that had driven you away with nothing, absolutely nothing and ripped my heart out." I had wanted to know what it was like for him, but nothing could have prepared me for what he was saying. I hated myself more than I hated Victoria, Laurent and James combined. I had hurt him and the pack more than Edward ever had; how Emily and Rachel had even been nice to me I have no clue. How Sam could speak cordially to me is beyond me, but I didn't deserve anything but unending hatred. I had brought all this pain onto a man I loved with everything that was me. I was a vile, wretched harpy who deserved to rot it the pits of hell for what I did.

"I wanted to hate you; I thought if I did it would make it easier, that it would take some of the pain away. But I couldn't. I wanted to move on see if there was someone else out there for me but I couldn't see anyone else. Every time I closed my eyes I see you and your beautiful smile and it kills me. Whenever I dreamed of the future we would have had, I'd wake up in pain again and I would wish you were dead because then I wouldn't feel like a failure and I wouldn't have been abandoned. As soon as that wish leaves my brain I hate myself for thinking it. I don't want to love you anymore but I do, I don't want to need you anymore but I do, I don't want to crave you and your body but even now I want you, to devour you. I don't want to miss you anymore, but I do. I just want to be free of you and yet I don't because I know no matter what I will always love you more than I could ever love anyone and I know without a doubt you are the best for me." There was only absolute anguish in his voice, I think he was even crying but being as I was now curled up with my knees to my chest as my body continued to convulse with my quiet sobs I couldn't even get the strength to look.

"I met my daughters for the first time yesterday and I am so absolutely enamored and in love with them. They are perfect in every way. They are the perfect mix between you and me and I love them more for it. I ache to hold them and cradle them. I don't ever want to let them go so that I can keep them safe. It makes me insane to know that Victoria is after them. I don't want to go another day not having them in my life. I love them so much and I love you more for giving me them and right now I want nothing more than to take you in my arms, go get our daughters and take you back home where we can be a family, a proper family but I can't and I won't. I won't because I can't forgive you right now. I want to be able to but I can't, you hurt me and if I forgive you I'll hate myself for doing so. I want to be able to know that when I see you, you'll stay but I don't trust you. I can't trust you, every second of every day I wonder if I'm dreaming and I'll wake up and you're still gone. I fear that every time I show up at your house you'll have left again and the familiar pain will come back only this time it will be worse because my daughters will be gone."

"Is that why you were shaking when I came back from the diner this afternoon?" I asked in a meek voice barely above a whisper.

"I thought you had left again and taken the girls, I was so angry and then when you turned from me it pissed me off even more, if I frightened you I'm sorry."

"Jacob I learned my lesson, I'm not going anywhere for any reason, you are stuck with me for the rest of your life because I want our daughters to grow up with both parents close by, so they never feel like they have to choose one over the other."

"I wish I could believe you, I guess all I need is time till I can trust you again." With that he got off the bed of the truck and ran to the forest on the side of the road leaving me alone and I hadn't felt that alone since the night nearly two years ago when another love had left.

I was raw, my emotions blistered inside me and I wanted so much to just go numb. I wanted to curl up and not move I knew I had destroyed Jacob by leaving, but I never thought it had been that bad, that he'd been unable to stay human for months, that the pack couldn't live in his head. I was sick and disgusted with myself. I composed my tears enough so I could see straight. I pushed everything I was feeling down so I could climb off the truck, shut the tailgate and climb in the cab. I rolled down the windows to free me from his scent. I started the truck and headed back to Forks and to my babies. I had to fix some of this for them and for him, I had to get him to forgive me and trust me, though I didn't know how I was going to do that. I guess time is the only thing I had because I didn't know what else I could do.

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**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted or favorited this story it means a lot that you appreciate what I created. Sorry this is late, I had a technical difficulty with my laptop power cord failing and had to borrow someone else's computer to post this and it has slowed my writing down a bit but I will be at it full force tomorrow, if this chapter seems under snuff that is why and I do intend to reread this chapter and fix any problems there may be with it. As a reader did you get all your questions answered from Jake's perspective or did you see something that he didn't ask? Let me know and I may add it into my new updated chapter. Thanks everyone, samsjazz.


	7. Regrets, Love, Tears and Fears

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of the Twilight characters, that all belongs to Ms. Meyers. If I did Bella would have loads and load of puppies with Jacob.

Ch. 7

Regrets, Love, Tears and Fears

My chest hurt, my eyes burned, I couldn't breathe out of my nose and the talk with Jacob was racing through my brain. I couldn't think of anything else and it's even a wonder I made it back to Charlie's unharmed because I have no memory of driving back. I now sat by the garage where I parked the truck. I sat going over everything that was said trying to calm down enough so that I could walk into the house. I looked over at the drive and noticed the cruiser there. Just what I needed a talk I no longer had the energy for nor cared to have today. I was burnt out and all I wanted to do was go to sleep and not wake up for a week, I wanted to shut down and not process everything that I had done to the man and family I loved. I wanted to hold my babies and drift away in the simple world of just their existence. I took deep breaths through my mouth because my nose was still useless and I wiped the tears that wouldn't stop.

Once I felt I was calm enough at least enough to take care of my daughters I climbed out of my truck and made my way to the house. I grudgingly climbed the stairs and opened the front door. I walked till I could see into the kitchen no one was in there but there was food cooking on the stove. I moved into the living room where Rachel, Emily and Charlie were all sitting watching the TV with the volume so low I doubt they heard it. I moved my sight to the playpen and seen by babies sleeping. I moved over to them and quietly and gently picked Juliana up and held her to me. I needed her to keep me sane. I stood in the living room blocking everything that wasn't my daughter out. I slowly swayed back and forth rocking her humming a lullaby softly.

I clung to her as my lifeline to sanity. I was inhaling her essence letting it calm my frantic and painful thoughts. I had to let go of the poisonous thoughts currently taking up my mind and every breath was riding me of them. I was lost to the world with her in my arms. Suddenly I became aware that even the TV was no longer making any noise. My back was to the three taking up residence on the couch where they made no sound. I didn't want to look at them afraid of what they'd see on my face. I knew I looked like a mess, I could feel my skin tightening because of the drying tears.

"Bella?"Charlie asked very hesitantly.

I opened my eyes and turned to the three who were boring into me with their questioning eyes. Emily and Rachel looked sad, sympathetic and understanding, but still staring intently as if trying to decipher what had occurred between Jacob and I. Charlie at first looked confused and then he turned puce with rage.

"Yeah?" I replied back, my voice betraying my false sense of calm. Suddenly two loud intakes of air, very similar to those I had heard when I came back from the diner, were let loose from Rachel and Emily's lips. Their eyes grew wide with understanding as if they knew exactly what happened.

"What the hell did that little shit head do to you Bella?" Charlie asked through gritted teeth.  
"What?" I was confused, why the hell would he think Jake had done anything to me. Though I was even more confused why he called him a shit head, Charlie loved Jake, sometimes I thought he loved him more than me.

"What did Jacob do?" He bit out.

"Ch…Dad he didn't do anything we just…I just…Dad its Jacob you know him." I didn't really want to rehash the conversation I was currently trying to ignore.

"If he didn't do anything then why do you look the way you do, my god you don't look much better than you did when Sam found you in the forest after Edwin left. Now what did he do?" He yelled whispered. I flinched at both the reminder of that terrible day and the months that followed and in realization that I did feel close to that. I didn't realize I looked that bad. Though thankfully I wasn't exactly as bad as I had been; I feel like my world is falling apart but not that I wanted to die.

"He told you didn't he?" Rachel asked in a sad knowing voice.

"God damn it Bells what the hell could he have told you that has you like this?" Charlie yelled more loudly this time. I didn't want to have this conversation right now but either I talk to Charlie now or he was going to wake the babies.

"Charlie calm down and lower your voice or you'll wake the babies." I forcefully said back.

I kissed Juliana's forehead and lovingly set her back in the play pen. Without speaking I moved to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it from the tap. I turned and slowly slid to the kitchen floor with my back to the cabinets. I took a large gulp of water and then set the glass on the floor next to me. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around them and laid my head on top of them.

I was trying to cocoon myself from my day. It was thousands of times worse than I had first imagined it being today. I was hopeless that I would ever have anything resembling a relationship with Jacob. I hated me more than he did and I don't think I was ever going to forgive myself for what I put him through. I wanted to go back to that cold January day when I was starring at those tests and yell at myself to stay. To go to Emily or Rachel or even call my mom, go to someone that could have given me reason and stop me from making the giant cluster-fuck of a mistake I made. In leaving I didn't accomplish anything I was trying to do by leaving. He didn't go to school and get good grades. He didn't perform his wolf duties. He couldn't work his part time job. Not only did his life fall apart but it affected everyone in his life. Billy lost months with his son, Embry and Quil lost months with their best friend. I didn't know what I was going to do to fix the mess I made. I didn't know if I could fix it. I was losing what little hope I had left.

I was taking deep breaths trying to keep myself in control and keep calm. As bad as I felt I wasn't going to wallow in the pain and turmoil. I had my babies to care for. They needed me more than I needed to cry. Though that's what I really wanted to do.

I felt them before I heard them; silently Rachel and Emily slid to the floor on either side of me and laid their heads on my back. One of them, I don't know which, began rubbing soothing circles on my back. They were trying to console me; I didn't like it because as much as I wanted to feel better I didn't deserve it especially from them. I had destroyed Rachel's brother in ways I never thought possible for him. I had obliterated my sun. He had become a black hole of misery sucking everyone that loved and cared for him with him into his depression. I'm a vile horrible evil harpy who only hurts, and sadly everyone knew I had hurt him before. I hurt him for weeks with my constant rejections after his unending professions of love, even when we both knew I was in love with him. I guess I'm an expert at hurting those I love, and I didn't want to be. I wanted to be like Jacob where I fixed the broken instead of doing the breaking. I wanted to fix him so that he was my sun again.

"Why?" I asked in a choked whisper to Emily and Rachel, though at the moment I don't know what I was really asking them.

"Why, what sweetie?" Emily asked.

"Why…why…how can you forgive me…you should hate me like he does." I was fighting the tears again but I wasn't going to let them fall, I didn't deserve to feel sorry for myself nor did I deserve their comfort.

"Bells he doesn't hate you, I don't hate you and I forgive you because you came back and you know you made a mistake. I know you won't leave us again, now I don't know all the reasons you left but you thought you were doing right by him and you. You had him in mind when you did what you did. While I think you were incredibly stupid you did it because you love him. He just needs time to see that you aren't going to hurt him again but never think that he hates you." Rachel said trying to soothe me, which made me feel worse. I tried to ignore the mention of 'Bells' it just reminded me that he hadn't said it once, it was like he was pointedly refused to say it and that hurt me more than if he had called me a bitch.

"But he does, he told me, he said…said he doesn't love me or want me and he can't forgive me. Oh god what have I done?" I was falling into the darkness that was too familiar and the only keeping me out completely was the two angels in the other room.

"Bells?" Charlie asked firmly but with worry filling his voice. Of everyone in my life, he had the right to worry if he said I looked as bad as I did. He had seen me at my worst; even Jacob had never seen me that bad. Charlie had lived day in and day out with me catatonic or in my zombie mode. He deserved anything he asked of me; just right now I didn't think I had the energy either, physically, mentally or emotionally. With a very heavy sigh I raised my head to look at my father.

"Yeah Dad?"

"What did he do, what did he say, come on Bells you got to give me something, I hate seeing you like this." He said desperately

"Dad…he…I can't I'm sorry, I just can't." I was fighting the tears and everything I had been feeling thirty minutes ago and if I said it out loud I was going to fall apart again and I wasn't willing to do that. I dropped my head back to my knees and tried again to cocoon myself from the heavy burden my guilt brought.

"Bella when do the babies need to go to bed for the night?" Huh? Now that was a subject change.

"I usually try to get them to bed by eight or eight thirty in fact I should probably get them up and feed them. If I want them to sleep at all tonight they can't have that much longer of a nap." I said to my knees unsure how I'd react if I met the eyes of anyone in the room. With a deep shuddering breath in I raised my head and began the difficult task of getting up.

Emily and Rachel removed their heads from my back and leaned back against the counter. I stood and made my way to the fridge. I grabbed two bottles and noticed that there was only two left meaning I would have to pump now. I really didn't think I had the energy to breast feed in the middle of the night. I closed the door and went to the sink to warm the bottles. Once warm I took them into the living room and set them down on the couch side table. I went to the playpen picked up Peanut and woke her up praying the whole time she wouldn't cry and wake her sister. Thankfully she was working with me and woke silently and stared at me with her big giant full eyes. I still had trouble believing Jacob and I made this tiny little miracle in my arms. I didn't understand how I could love something so much instantly. The first time I held my daughters I had felt this all encompassing blind adoration and love and I silently wondered if that was how imprinting felt; I didn't allow myself that thought for long. My very being was altered the day they were born. I didn't breathe for me, I didn't love for me, I didn't eat for me, I wasn't a part of this earth for me. My entire existence became about them and their lives. I knew it was now the same for Jacob. What a royal mess I had made of all our lives.

I was still playing the 'what if' game on loop in my head but knew it would do nothing but make me feel worse. I stared at my daughter in the eye knowing I had to fix everything for them.

"I'm sorry baby girl, I'm sorry I kept you from your daddy. I swear to you and your sister that I will fix this, I will make this better because I love you two so much and I love him so much too." I promised my daughter and myself.

I heard muffled whispering coming from the kitchen but really didn't care to strain my ears to hear what they were saying about me. If I needed to know they would come to me. I wanted to focus on simple tasks that didn't require me to get too emotional or confrontational so I let the three in the kitchen be.

Charlotte started to squirm in my lap and I knew she was getting hungry, I reached over and grabbed a bottle and began to feed her. She was eating hungrily when Jules began to whine. Shit. I hated when that happened especially when they weren't in the carriers or the swing. I knew if I quit feeding Charlotte to go get Juliana she would wail and if I waited until Charlotte was finished then Juliana would begin to cry. I was debating what to do when Charlie came into the living room made his way over to the playpen picked up his whimpering granddaughter and then grabbed the other bottle and began to feed her.

"I'm sorry Dad."

"For what Bells?" He asked absently because the majority of his attention was on the girl in his arms.

"For everything, for leaving, for doing so without any explanation, for not explaining now, for getting pregnant in the first place, for not trusting you when I did find out. I've put you through so much since I moved back here, I've caused you so much stress and you deserved none of it. I never meant to hurt you, I just got so lost. I am so sorry." My voice cracked on the last word.

"I know you're sorry. It's just…you can't leave again, I can't take it. I almost lost you and I don't want to do that again, we all have a lot to decide on in the next little while but you're to wiped to any deciding right now and Jacob needs to be here too and by the way you look I don't think that's the best idea." I just nodded not knowing what to say.

Shortly thereafter Charlotte finished her bottle so I picked her up to burp her. I wanted and needed to get lost in my baby routine, the thing was coming back had destroyed that routine and I could sense myself struggling to stay stable. Feeding and burping my daughter wasn't helping the emotions and thought running through me. If I wasn't careful I was going to have a panic attack which would only upset the babies and make them harder to get to sleep tonight.

"Bells, Charlie, we're going to head back now. Are you going to be okay?" Rachel asked. I just nodded because right now 'okay' was relative. In the traditional sense I wasn't but was I going to fall apart, no. In the corner of my eye I saw that Charlie also nodded.

"Okay, I just turned the pot on the stove down, so whenever you two are ready your supper is done and Bella we'll be here around nine tomorrow and then we can head out." Emily said.

"Thank you, you two…I." Rachel interrupted before I could finish.

"You don't need to say anything; we'll see you in the morning and make sure you get some sleep." Both Rachel and Emily moved to the babies, gave them kisses on their foreheads and then left the house.

I stared at the spot they had just vacated hoping and praying they would come back to keep the pressure of Charlie's presence far away. If they were here Charlie wouldn't feel the need to grill me about whatever he wanted. He most likely wanted to know where I was but who really knew what he wanted.

I finished burping Charlotte and decided that I would change and dress her for bed. That way I could maybe put her and her sister to bed a bit early and get the sleep I so desperately needed. I dropped to the floor pulled the duffel bag and diaper to me and pulled out what I needed. I plopped her down and began undressing her.

"Bells what are you doing?" Charlie asked still standing but now burping Jules.

"I'm getting her dressed for bed, that way I can put them to bed a bit earlier tonight." I said as I finished snapping the snaps on Charlotte's pajamas. I then placed her in the carrier next to the play pen with the pacifier in her mouth. I began picking up all the babies things and putting them in the duffel bag so that I could wash them later. I then when to Charlie and took Jules from him and changed and dressed her for bed as well. Once she was secured in her car seat I stood and turned to Charlie who was looking at me but he remained silent.

I grabbed the two dirty diaper and dirty bottles and marched into the kitchen. If I was supposed to go out with Emily, Kim, and Rachel I was going to need a lot of bottles considering I had no clue how long I was going to be gone. I washed all the dirty bottles sitting on the kitchen counter and then grabbed the baby blanket that was draped over on the chairs. I sat down, covered up and began pumping. There was only problem, with nothing really to do while I waited for the bottles to fill I had nothing to occupy my mind. For what felt like the hundredth time since Jacob stood up and walked away from me, I replayed my conversation with him. I think I did more harm to him than Edward did to me, I didn't want to believe that Jacob or anyone would have to endure that pain but the sound of his voice and the images it brought was too much for me not to think that he didn't feel that amount of pain and heartache. Now I just prayed that it wouldn't take as long as it took me to heal. I knew I needed to leave these thoughts alone for now, they weren't doing me any good if I wanted to sleep in the next week I would have to leave them for now and deal with them later when I wasn't so emotional or tired.

I had thankfully filled seven bottles and after cleaning and covering up I put them all in the fridge. I figured I would still have to pump before we left in the morning to make sure I brought enough along. As I was turning around after closing the refrigerator door I noticed that Charlie was standing in the doorway slightly leaning against the frame. He just stood looking at me with a blank expression. I stood for a moment waiting for him to speak. When he didn't I sighed and made my way to the stove to see what Emily made for me and Charlie.

I lifted the lid and inhaled the amazing scent wafting from the pot. Glancing down it looked to be a stew; I grasped the large spoon sitting on the stove top and stirred noticing root veggies and bits of meat. Umm, Emily's beef stew, yeah it was July but right now I didn't care I could use some comfort food and this stew would do the trick. I'd have to thank her tomorrow. Grabbing a bowl out the cupboard and a spoon out of the drawer I filled my bowl heaping full and sat at the table to relish in a meal I didn't have to cook myself. Silently Charlie pushed off from the doorway and followed my lead and filled a bowl of stew too, sat next to me and began eating as well. We remained eating in silence through both Charlie and I's second helpings. Once finished I turned the stove off and put the leftovers in a container in the fridge, there was enough for Charlie to have tomorrow for lunch and maybe lunch the next day.

I filled the sink with hot water, soap and dirty dishes as I began washing Charlie interrupted my attempt at distraction.

"Bella, can you please come here and talk to me?" I stopped washing and made my way back to my chair and plopped down.

"What do you want to talk about dad?"  
"Are you okay Bella, I mean the way you looked and…he didn't…and you've…ugh." I stopped him before he could continue his uncomfortable thoughts.

"Dad, I'm okay. I mean considering I've been back little over a day and I've had some of the most painful and intense confrontations of my life and I'm now the butt of many jokes around town and it's not going to get any better anytime soon. Considering I haven't had a good night's sleep since I left and until my girls learn what sleeping at night is I won't be getting one. I just know that the next few months are going to be really bad and I feel like I'm stuffing all the bad into a few days. I'm burning the candle at both ends but once it goes out I'm going to have to keep going because I have two little girls that depend on me for everything and right now I have no way to make sure they get everything they need. So if I take everything in to consideration, I'm doing pretty well because really I should be overcome with countless panic attacks." I said as I placed my elbows on the table and roughly ran my hands through my disheveled curls, thanks to the wind that was coming of the ocean off La Push. I had vented just a little of what I was bottling up and if I released anymore I was going to fall apart, so I relocked it all back up, Charlie wasn't going to get much more out of me. Right now vegging in front of the TV with the babies till it was their bed time seemed ideal.

"Your right…"Charlie began. Huh, about what? "You've been doing this by yourself since the beginning and I have a feeling right now that Jake needs his space or you need your space from him. You got a lot on your plate and it's just going to get fuller. How about you head to bed early and I take care of the girls tonight and for the overnight, that gives you a chance to sleep and a break from all this responsibility." I openly gaped at him, speechless. I didn't expect this and I felt bad. He shouldn't be doing this, they were my children. The fact that I was so exhausted though made his offer seem idyllic.

"There's no need for that Dad, they're my responsibility not yours and they can be a hand full at night, and you have a full day of work tomorrow, I'm just going shopping, I can sleep on the way there and back. I'll just hang out in the living room with them till it gets closer to their bed time and then I'll put them down, I might get an hour or two more of sleep that way."

"Bella I wasn't suggesting, I'm telling you I'm taking care of the girls tonight and you're going to go up to bed and sleep a full night of sleep, now go get ready and head to bed no arguing." He stated the tone in his voice meant it was pointless to argue, but I still felt bad.

"Fine I won't argue with you, I can see it's pointless. Thank you, I have plenty of bottles for them and the diapers are in the bag by the couch. They tend to get up every two to three hours until it gets closer to morning then it's like four. If you need help with anything don't be afraid to come get me, I can handle lack of sleep." I was silently very grateful he was doing this, I just hoped the nightmares stayed at bay, the last time I had a long stretch of sleep that lasted more than four hours I awoke screaming waking my babies up in the process and they were so freaked they hadn't calmed down for hours.

"Go to know, now get your but upstairs and get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning. Night Bells, love you." He effectively ended our conversation and forced me to go up to bed at the same time.

"Thanks dad, I love you to, so much." I walked over to him wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, he blushed deep red.

"Goodnight." I walked out of the kitchen and went to my baby girls. I unbuckled Charlotte, picked her up, hugged her placed kisses on both her cheeks, and placed her back in her carrier, replacing the pacifier back in her mouth. I did the same to Juliana. I then went to the stairs and slowly climbed them. I went into the bathroom and did my nightly routine.

Slowly I made my way to my room. At the door I just looked at it. The previous times I had been here I hadn't stopped to look around. When I had left I mostly took my clothes and not much else, save for a picture or two of Jake. Now looking around my ghost like room it seemed like I had never really left. There were papers still strewn on my desk that I had left. My bed was still unmade, one of Jake's basket ball shorts poked out from under my bed, one of t-shirts hung off my rocking chair, the one I had stole for pajamas not long after we had become intimate. Those items made me ache in more ways than one but what made me ache the most were all the pictures of Jake and I all over my room and of all my friends. How I longed to go back to those simple days where my biggest problem was if I was going to see Jake soon or not or what I was making for supper. My own was now mocking me for my mistakes.

Pushing away the pain the pictures brought I moved to the shorts and t-shirt. I shut my bedroom door and changed into them. Boy was that a dumb idea, they still smelled like Jake. His scent enveloped me and I missed him more now. I moved to the window and opened it, wanting some fresh air to remove the heady scent of the man I loved from my room to grant me some respite. I climbed into bed and soon sleep took me.

I opened my eyes; I was staring out at James Island from First Beach. It was a rare sunny day it was neither hot nor cold, a perfect day. I was reclining on the sands with my arms behind me baring my weight; my toes were digging into the sand reveling in the feel and warmth. I tipped my head up and closed my eyes absorbing the sunshine. I heard a child laughing and running up to me I opened my eyes and turned my eyes to the sound. This child was dressed in a beautiful lilac sun dress with no shoes on her tiny feet; her long black hair was in two beautiful pigtails full of ringlets. She had a million watt smile as she ran up to me laughing "Mommy, Mommy." I got to my feet as she came up to me. She excitedly wrapped her arms around my legs in a fierce hug.

"Hi baby, where's your sister?" I asked my daughter, awed by her joy and beauty. She was so much like her father, she was glowing, her holey smile making the sunny day pale. She turned to look out at the ocean and then turned to look up at me. In that instant the sunny day turned a dark gray, the look of an approaching storm. Her eyes held a sadness that made my heart break. What had happened she was so happy a moment ago?

"Charlotte baby, what's wrong where's your sis…?" My question was stopped as I seen her whip her head away from my gaze to look to my left down the beach. I followed her gaze to see Jacob walking pointedly to us, his gaze fixed on me. When he was several paces away Charlotte moved to him. He bent over and picked her up. When my eyes met his, I realized they were filled with sadness and sorrow. My heart clenched. I knew what he was going to say and I dropped my head.

"Bella I'm so sorry, I…I promised you this wouldn't happen but I was wrong. It's just with what happened I couldn't look…and so…I just looked at her once and I'm so sorry but we can't…I can't." I snapped my head up and standing behind Jacob was the most beautiful Quileute woman I had ever seen. Her long raven locks fell straight to her lower waist while she looked at Jacob with love filled onyx eyes. Her bronzed skin glowed as a small smile played on her lips. She walked up to him and he placed my daughter in her arms and threw his arm around her shoulders. My knees gave out and a wail left my quivering lips. He had…but he had promised me he wouldn't, that he couldn't but he still did and now I was all alone. Not only had she taken him from me she was taking my child to.

"Where…is Jules?" I sobbed out. His eyes hardened and I knew…I knew and a more painful wail, a sob that no longer sounded human came from my chest. I knew and now I had nothing or no one.

I bolted awake. I had the pillow pulled tightly to my face to muffle my scream. As soon as the scream ended I continued bawling. The pain of that dream, a dream I had had repeatedly in the last two months cut through me. I tried to calm down, relax my breathing. I took large deep breaths. I wiped my face of its tears. I collected my thoughts and glanced around my room. My window was still open but I was a sweaty blubbering mess. How with my window open had I gotten so hot, well it seemed that there was no breeze blowing into my room as my whole room still smelled of Jacob? At that realization the images from my dream came flooding back. I pushed them away, refusing to believe that they could happen. I laid back down my breaths calmer now. I was relaxing and now I was trying to go back to sleep, within moments I fell back into a dreamless sleep for the last few hours of my night.

I woke to a bit of sun peaking through my open window. I was much cooler than when I had awoken hours before. I felt more refreshed than I had in a long time. I sat up and stretched. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to shower. If Charlie was downstairs watching the girls I was going to take advantage and take a nice long relaxing shower. I washed my hair and myself. Once done I climbed out, walked to the mirror taking in my reflection. I still didn't look so hot. My pallor was still tinged in grey and I still had deep dark circles under my eyes but thankfully I looked better than I had last night. My eyes were no longer ringed or filled with red. The swelling was gone and I was thankfully snot free. I brushed my hair and then made my way to my bedroom to get dressed in the last outfit I had in Forks.

I walked down the stairs as silently as possible hopefully the babies would sleep a bit longer. Long enough for me to pump and eat some breakfast. I peeked into the living room to see Charlie sleeping on his back with Charlotte sleeping on his chest. I tiptoed into the living room and pulled the camera from the diaper bag. I snapped several pictures of the two.

I pulled the three empty and clean bottles from the diaper bag and put the camera back. I grabbed the four bottles that Charlie had used last night and cleaned them. I sat at the table, covered myself and began filling the bottles, I didn't know if I could fill all seven but I hoped, there was still three in the fridge and if I filled all seven I would have enough till this evening without pumping until this evening. Thankfully I filled all seven and placed them in the fridge. I then started on breakfast. I figured omelets were good enough. I didn't want anything other than eggs and they were more substantial than scrambled or over easy. Once I had two done for both me and Charlie I made my way back into the living room. I seen that Charlie was awake and he had the silliest smile on his face looking at Charlotte. I giggled and moved to pick her up so he could eat. I gently picked her up clutching her to my chest. She stirred a little and then settled again after moving her fisted had up to my chest and her head turned to the side.

I settled at the kitchen table with Charlotte still clutched to my chest, I ate quietly enjoying the simplicity of my morning. My babies were sleeping, I had enough milk for them for the day, I had had a fairly decent night of sleep and Charlie had some time to bond with his grandbabies.

"You look better Bells, sleep did you some good." I just nodded my head and continued chewing.

"How were they last night, I hope they didn't give you too much trouble?" I asked fearful they were difficult for him, considering I had four empty bottles this morning they had to wake at least twice last night which was normal for them.

"They went to bed on time after a diaper change and they woke up twice last night. I didn't know that if one woke up the other was soon to follow, you were right they are a hand full, I have to hand it to you Bells, you do it with so much ease. You make taking care of the twins look so effortless, they are a lot of work you do a good job. You're a great mom." Charlie said

I had tears running down my face and I didn't know what to say. He sounded proud. Proud of his nineteen year old daughter who was a mother of two, what he said made me feel less like a disappointment.

"Thanks dad that means a lot. I'm sorry you have to put up with all my mistakes, I've put you through a lot since I move here and you've handled most of it pretty well, I'm so glad you're my dad and I'm so glad I moved back here in spite of all the drama." I meant all of that. Yes, moving back here wasn't my favorite idea and I had been through hell almost from the moment I arrived but had I not moved here I wouldn't have this great relationship with my dad, something I missed desperately while I was away in California.

"I'm happy you came back to kid, just…you can't run again Bella, no matter what. This old man can't take it again. If you ever get so overwhelmed that it feels like you need to leave please for peat's sake come to me and talk." Charlie beseeched.

"I know dad, no more running, you're stuck with me for good; I'm not leaving Forks again. It was hell being away not something I ever want to go through again. So if I ever feel that I'm overwhelmed I will come to you, promise." I tried to mollify him.

"Ok kid, I need to go up and get ready for work, you need any help with the babies or do you have it covered?"

"I got it dad, I've been doing this alone from the beginning and if one cries then so be it till I get them ready for the day. By the way what time did they have their last bottle?"

"Uh I think it was sometime around five. They sucked those bottles down like they were starving wolves; they really are their father's daughters." My eyes widened a bit before I forced them to look normal.

"Yeah they've had a healthy appetite from the beginning; I think the doctor said they put on like five pounds in their first month. He said that I might have to start supplementing my milk with formula if I can't keep up with their hunger." I said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, well, I should go up and get ready for work now." With that Charlie fled.

I chuckled and then made my way to the fridge to grab two bottles. I began to warm them when I heard Juliana whimper from the living room. I let her be until I knew the bottles were ready. I was thankful my babies were as calm as they were. They never cried a lot, never were too terribly cranky. They were genuinely happy babies. I don't know what I would do if they were cranky or fussy babies because they were already a hand full. I made my way into the living room and set the bottles on the couch side table. Charlotte was still slumbering in my arms but I knew that with her sister awake it wouldn't be long until she woke up as well. With my one working hand I grabbed one carrier and set it on the couch so that I could place Charlotte carefully inside hoping I wouldn't force her awake with my movements. Once she was secured I moved to the play pen to see Juliana laying there wide awake just looking up at the ceiling.

I picked her up and cooed to her. After my dream last night it felt good to have her in my arms and know where she was. To know she was safe and happy made me feel comforted and the fears my dream brought were appeased. I marched back to the couch took my spot and laid her on my lap. I looked over at Charlotte and noticed she was now awake. I was amazed my babies were so calm, usually they whimpered and whined more in the mornings. I grabbed one bottle and gave it to Charlotte. While I held that bottle up for her I reached for the other and gave it to Juliana. They drank greedily and soon they were done. I replaced Charlotte's bottle with her pacifier so that I could burp Juliana with both arms free. I finished burping Jules and put her in her carrier with her pacifier and went to burp Charlotte. She let out a loud belch as Charlie came down the stairs.

"Bells I'm off to the station have fun shopping with the girls." He came up to me and handed me a wad of cash. I looked up at him with my brows furrowed and confusion in my eyes.

"What…Dad…What?" I asked still very confused

"For clothes and things, I did notice you didn't bring much stuff with you and that means you'll need clothes and baby things. I figure you didn't have much money with you so I figured I'd help out some. And no you can't complain and say I didn't need to do it, you'll take this money and spend it. Now close your mouth and just accept the money, okay?"

"Thanks Dad." I said defeated. He chuckled and walked out the door.

I figured now was a good time to get the babies ready for the day. I grabbed a matching outfit for each girl and I began to change their diapers and clothes. Once they were dressed I cleaned out and repacked the diaper bag for the day. I filled the cooled compartment with the remaining bottles in the fridge and made sure that my purse was in the bag as well. I zipped it closed and placed it on the couch next to me.

Just as I sat down I heard a knock at the door. Figuring it was the girls I headed to the door. When I opened it I was surprised. It wasn't who I was expecting and the look on his face made me flood with panic instantly.

"Oh, god she came back here already didn't she Sam?" Worry filled me. Worry for the safety of my babies but also for the wolves that would have to hunt her down. I knew that the wolves were capable of fighting vampires; they had proven their strength to me but that didn't mean they were invulnerable. I was on edge and I just wanted to be safe, but I wouldn't be until Victoria was gone from my life for good. I wondered if my life would ever be normal. I just stood at the door staring expectantly at Sam waiting for him to drop the anvil of bad news, waiting for my bad week to get worse.

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorite or had this story set to your alerts. I have received some amazing review that made me so happy; they really touched me, so thank you very much. Sorry this was updated a little late but the Labor Day holiday kept me from working on it. This chapter wasn't betaed as I didn't have a chance to get it out in time sorry for any mistakes in grammar. Let me know what you think.


	8. What Manner of Hell is This

**Disclaimer:** All Characters associated with Twilight are not mine but belong to Ms. Stephanie Meyers, I've just borrowed them for the time being and am giving a certain character a life she should have chosen, I make nothing from this.

**A/N:** There seems to have been a bit of confusion in the last chapter. The portion of the chapter that took place on First Beach was a dream/nightmare. It's a dream that Bella has had repeatedly since the birth of her children. It is a culmination of her strongest fears. No Jacob hasn't imprinted during her absence.

Ch. 8

What Manner of Hell is This

I stood waiting for Sam. Waiting for him to move, to blink to speak, yet he did nothing. He had confusion written across his face which only served to confuse me and make me panic more. He continued to stare at me quizzically as if looking at me would answer his questions but right now I was the one with the questions. I was for sure when I seen him at my door that he was here to tell me Victoria had arrived and that the babies and I were in imminent danger. I needed him to say something either to confirm or assuage my fears.

"Sam?" I squeaked out. Though I wanted to hear what he had to say I feared it.

"Bella do you mind if I come in?" He gestured through the door behind me. I numbly nodded my head and turned. I debated for a second in I wanted to be in the living room or the kitchen. I realized if he was going to tell me Victoria was here I there was a good chance I might fall apart a bit and I didn't want to do that in front of my daughters as much as I wanted to be near them right now. I marched to the kitchen table and took a seat while I waited for Sam to follow me in and explain why he was here.

"Why…What brings you by so early Sam?" I tried to cover my panic with an air of nonchalance. I don't think it worked because he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yesterday when Emily and Rachel came back they told me they were taking you shopping today because you left pretty much everything back in your apartment when you left so now you need clothes and the babies need things too, is that right?" He asked in a calm voice, his voice and now calm visage didn't explain why he was so confused when I first opened the door. He was here because I left my stuff in California?

"What, seriously, you come here and then say nothing, the look on your face scares the hell out of me and you tell me you're here because I'm going shopping?" I ask incredulously and somewhat furious.

"Bella if Victoria were near I wouldn't have knocked and I wouldn't have been the barging member of the pack either. Whomever was on patrol would have barged in grabbed you and the babies and high tailed it to La Push without explanation. So please worry less. We haven't caught her scent yet so were safe, you're safe, and the babies are safe. Though I was thinking that until she's caught it would be better for you if you spent the majority of your time down in La Push because it's a tad bit easier to watch you when there are ten wolves watching out for you instead of the two we have on patrol." He finished but never answered me as to why he was here.

"Okay so no Victoria then why are you here Sam?" I asked exasperated and very impatient.

"Oh Bella, you always get to the point." Sam chuckled. "I was informed you have left everything you own in your apartment, things you want and need and I assume you have no way to get those things in your current predicament, am I correct?" His voice filled with a conciliatory tone.

"Yes but I don't have the funds to have it shipped back here." I was still confused why my stuff would bring him here when he could have asked this over the phone.

"Okay then, I need your apartment keys, and the address to that apartment and a list of everything that has to stay in that apartment." His alpha timbre leaking out into the orders he gave me. I rolled my eyes because we both knew it wouldn't work on me.

"I'll humor you with your little Alpha order, why do you need those things?"

"Well, I'm thinking since you can't go back to get your things, not that anyone here would let you, I thought that I would send someone to go clean out your apartment and bring all of it back, that way you save money, you won't have to lose all your possessions, you and the babies stay here where we can keep an eye on you and you won't have to worry about things back there anymore." He finished of matter-of-factly and I hated how right he was.

"Fine, I can see there is no point in arguing with you on this, though I would like to say that this is not needed, and you shouldn't have to order anyone to go if they don't want to." I conceited defeat, he was right, I did need the things I left back in California but the idea of one of the wolves packing up all my unmentionables left much to be desired but then again I had already come to terms with all of them seeing me naked at one point or another in Jacob's mind, why would seeing such things even faze them.

I walked to the diaper bag and pulled my keys out of my purse, pulled my apartment keys off and walked back to Sam and handed them to him and pointedly ignored the large grin he wore from having won me over without me complaining.

"Now this is new for you, I think it is the first time I wanted you to do something and you did it without arguing back. I'm shocked what has happened to the Bella I know and love."He said in a mock appalled voice.

"Ugh. You know I hate you right?" I huffed.

"Oh Bells, I hate you too, though I did expect more of a fight with you, I haven't seen you do a good foot stomping protest in months and was really looking forward to it." He said shaking with silent chuckles, probably remembering the last time I did that; I could see his eyes filled with mirth. I huffed in annoyance which only served to cause him to laugh out loud.

"Hardy har har, I'm glad you think so highly of me, you know I don't stomp my feet anymore." I said a bit put out but still fighting a small smile.

Suddenly the light mood shifted and a darker look filled Sam's face.

"Emily told me that your talk with Jacob didn't go so well, and Rachel and she suspected that um he told you about his time away. She said Charlie thought you looked like you did the day I found you. Are you okay?" I could see in his eyes he was remembering that day, the day he said he couldn't help but become a little protective of me.

"Why does everybody keep asking _me_ that question? Yeah he told me some, more like yelled it but I needed to hear what I did to him…I couldn't…I didn't want to believe he was in that much torment. I'm not the one who was hurt, I did the hurting, you should be yelling at me for hurting him. And to answer your question, no, I'm not okay, I betrayed the man I love for what now seems like stupid reasons." I was fighting tears but I wasn't going to let them fall, today I was going to forget about yesterday and just have fun with my closest friends and revel in a stress free, confrontation free day.

"I don't want to ask, I don't really think I want to know, but I need to know, was it as bad as he said it was or was he editing it? Was it really that bad?" I asked extremely hesitantly because I didn't know how I would handle it if he said it was worse, I wasn't even coming to terms with what he told me, why did I want to add to it before I could process what I had heard first. Maybe hearing it from someone other than Jacob would make it easier to process, or hearing it without the gut wrenching pain laced in every word would get me to deal with what I had done and begin to make amends.

"I don't know." He said his eyebrows pulled together in thought. How could it be he didn't know if what Jacob said about being alpha ordered to remain human? Before I could think further he interrupted my thoughts. "Jake hasn't phased since you left my house the first night you returned. He's doing his patrols in human form and he refuses to speak to any of us. Whatever has happened between the two of you since your return is completely between the two of you. So I don't know if it was worse than what you were told. All I can tell you is that the first few weeks after you left were really bad and then he went wolf so it got a little better for everyone here after a while I felt he had been gone long enough and I ordered him to come back. I'm not going to lie to you Bells, but he's been pretty tore up from the moment he realized you ran and weren't coming back. His thoughts were dark and even though we can't hear his thoughts now that you're back and he's met his daughters it looks as if a weight has been lifted off of him."

Before I could even think about what he said or respond to him I heard the front door being whipped open. I jumped.

"Okay we've patiently waited the time you allotted and now I'm done waiting. I've got me some babies to meet, a girl to chew out, some money to blow, some clothes to force on a poor defenseless mother and a day to kill quit your yammering and let's get cracking." Kim yelled from the foyer and then quickly albeit loudly stomped into the kitchen right up to me. She looked down on me sternly arms crossed across her chest and then she cocked her hip and raised her eyebrows expectantly, for what I had no clue.

I stood slowly my eyes never leaving Kim's her expression remained fierce and her eyes hardened. I held my breath and waited for her to start on me, to finally have someone yell at me the way I was supposed to be yelled at. To have someone release the vitriol they held for me leaving. Just when I expected her to pounce she surprised me. Kim whipped her arms around me and hugged me in what could only be considered a wolf hug. The breath I had been holding whooshed out of me but the fierceness of her hug left me unable to draw a needed breath.  
"Kim let her go she needs to breathe, she's starting to turn blue." Sam admonished. Thankfully she relented and I was able to draw in much needed air.

"I…I…" I was trying to speak between deep breaths but before I could continue she but in pointing her finger at me.

"You don't get to speak right now, you get to listen." I dutifully nodded my head and remained quiet to hear what she wanted to say to me. "What in god's name where you thinking leaving like that, I should smack you upside your pretty little head and then try to see if I can shake some sense into you but I know that won't do any good cause you already left. You will not do anything like that again you hear me; if you do I will drag you back here by pretty little curly hair. Now show me my nieces." She ended and I just nodded and walked into the living room, Rachel and Emily where still standing in the foyer fighting smiles on their faces, I had a feeling they had wanted to say something similar to me yesterday but had refrained.

I sat on the couch and watched as Kim and then Sam came to sit in the living room. Guess he wanted to meet the babies too. I spent the next twenty minutes introducing the girls to basically their aunt and uncle. They were both enamored with the girls.  
"Ok, I've chewed you out and met your babies now we have money to blow and lots of clothes to try on you and these two little girls even if it takes us the whole damn day, no hop to and get your ass out the door." Kim ordered. "Sam you're driving." Wait what?

"How's that going to work my car only holds six and if Sam is coming, why is Sam coming?" I was confused there was no way all seven of us were fitting in my car especially if one was an alpha wolf, he took up to much damn room.

"I'm coming because there are three imprints, two wolf babies and a woman whose life is at stake against a sadistic vampire going on this shopping trip and there is no way you're all going without a wolf and there were only three wolves willing to go on this shopping excursion. Two of which are currently on patrol right now so that left me, so now I'm the one who's going with you bunch and were taking Kim's parents SUV that way we don't have to take two vehicles."

I nodded my head in agreement and made my way out to my car to pull the bases out to place in the SUV. I placed them in the middle row because I knew that they would be too much of a hassle if I placed them in the third row. I didn't even want to imagine the problems that would occur if they were in the third row and I had to pull the carriers over the middle seat. Once the bases were securely buckled in I went back into the house to grab the babies and the diaper bag.

Walking into the living room I noticed that all four were bent down over the babies cooing happily, instead of grabbing the babies I made my way to Charlie's recliner to sit and watch them interact with the babies, only Sam seemed to notice my entrance. When Rachel started talking to them in baby talk I snorted. Who knew gruff Rachel could speak so sweetly. She looked up and gave me a withering glare followed by a smile.

"Are we ready to commence the torture or are you guys just going to stare at them the whole day because we all know what I would choose?" I asked not sure I really wanted to go shopping but knowing if I didn't I would have to wash the two outfits I wasn't wearing so I could re-wear them tomorrow not something I wanted to do. Sam's idea to go get my things was looking better and better.

"Okay lets go, Bella do you have everything you need for the babies packed?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, I had everything ready to go before you got here, they've been fed and changed so they won't need to eat for a while, and I already moved the carrier bases to the SUV so all I have to do is put them in and I'm ready." I said as I stood and grabbed the diaper bag and made my way to pick up the babies. Before I could grab either one of the carriers Sam grabbed them both and we all made our way outside where I locked the front door.

Kim and Rachel climbed into the third row while I helped Sam place the carriers correctly and then sat next to the babies. Emily and Sam climbed into the front with Sam driving. He backed out of my driveway and we began our day of shopping. I felt like we were traveling to Hades, the highway my river Styx.

I must have fallen asleep not long after we left Forks; I awoke just as we were arriving in Port Angeles. I glanced over at the babies and noticed they were intently staring at Rachel and Kim who were making faces at them. I just smiled at them and turned my attention to the road ahead to try and figure out where we were.

"You guys where are we heading first?" I was hoping that it wasn't the mall; I really didn't feel like carrying the babies around the mall all day because I didn't have a stroller to use.

"Shit." I exclaimed and then I was slightly abashed for swearing in front of my children, not that they understood me but I needed to curb the habit I learned from the wolves before they did.

"What's wrong did you see something, forget something…?" I interrupted Sam before he could panic properly.

"No, none of those things I just remembered that we will probably go to the mall and I don't have a stroller for the babies and we are going to get tired of carrying them."

"Well do you have one and you just forgot it, or is it wherever you were, where were you anyway, or do you just not have one?" Kim asked

"I was in southern California and no I never had the need for on so I didn't spend the money on one, I carried them from apartment to car, car to daycare or car to doctor, but now that I'm here I can see I'm going to need one for at least walking around the res."

"Okay, first stop Baby's Я Us® then discount stores and then the mall." Emily supplied happily, Sam and I groaned, at least I wasn't the only one who was dreading today.

"Shut it you two." Emily scolded as Sam made his way to the first store.

Once Sam parked I climbed out and began to take the carriers out while Sam summarily took them from me, I gave him a questioning look.

"It's easier for me to carry them till you get a stroller; my arms won't get tired from the weight like your arms will, and that way you have your arms free to shop." I nodded in acceptance and then grabbed the diaper bag. I intended to stay close to Sam and the babies; sure that he had no clue what to do if they cried but as soon as we walked through the entrance my arms were grabbed by Rachel and Kim and whisked away to the stroller aisle. Where Sam and Emily ended up I wasn't quite sure but my attention was currently occupied on twin strollers. While I was focused on price, both Kim and Rachel were looking at all the gadgets they came with.

After looking at the entire twin stroller section I had picked one and so had they but they greatly differed in price. The one I picked was a very economical one-twenty while theirs was a whopping three-fifty. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, there was no way I could afford that even if I had a job.

"You guys there is no way I can afford that, how about this one?" I knew they were going to protest my choice, if I really admitted it my choice wasn't the best and it didn't serve all the needs the others did.

"Do you want that one Bells really want it, nope didn't think so." Rachel said after seeing my downcast eyes. Sometimes I hated that she could read me almost as well as Jake and Billy. I swear the Blacks printed a Bella manual.

"And you don't have to buy it, we are." Kim said fervently.

"No you're not, they are my children and I'm the one that needs a stroller not you, there is no way I can allow you guys to spend your money on my things." I wasn't going to use my friends for their money.

"Well, look at it this way, if you'd been here we would have thrown you a baby shower and you'd have received these things then, so now you're just getting them today, so no complaining when we buy you things." And with that Rachel shut up my complaining by making me feel like shit for leaving.

"Fine but I don't need that expensive one."

"How about this one Bella?" Sam asked from behind me still carrying my daughters with a million watt smile on his face. I turned to look at the stroller he was trying to point at with full hands. It was much more than the one I had picked but also much less than the one the girls picked. It had everything I wanted and needed and it sort of matched the carriers I had.

"That's the one." I said happily. Rachel had grabbed store personal to help with the stroller since we had no tools to put it together and we needed it today. They quickly took out pick and came back with our assembled stroller. Sam promptly placed the carriers in their spots and I placed the diaper bag in its compartment. Then I was pulled down to the next aisle where I noted that Emily had a cart and was throwing things in blindly. I groaned loudly for several reasons, one I knew they weren't going to let me pay for any of this stuff and two, I had no clue if she was getting anything in the right size and I didn't want to tell her she was getting anything wrong. Almost as if she had heard my thoughts she brought up that topic.

"Okay Bella I want you to look over everything in this cart and see if you need or want it and if the sizes are right if not hand it to me and I'll either get the right size or put it back all together." Emily said handing me multiple packages of onesies of different sizes. Knowing I couldn't have enough of those I picked out the correct sizes and a few that were slightly larger than what they were wearing now for the future.

We spent forever at Babies Я Us® and I don't even want to know the money that those three women spent on me. I tried not feeling guilty because if I showed it I would be royally chewed out, but I couldn't help it. They had gotten me tons of things I needed and was going to need in the future like teething rings and larger bottles. After the baby store Sam's stomach as well as my babies' stomachs decided that is was time for lunch.

We stopped for lunch at a small restaurant near the discount stores. I have to say the stroller was really going to come in handy with table room. I no longer needed more table or chair room for the carriers and I could sit at the end of the table with the stroller next to me and take care of all their needs.

I knew I missed my friends when I was gone, the ability to vent with them, to joke, to talk about nothing, but nothing reminded me of that more than sitting with them at lunch. The oppressive atmosphere I had been under since I had returned lightened in their presence. Not one depressing thought had entered my mind since we had sat down. I was able to laugh freely without watching my words, making sure I didn't mention my absence. Sam and Rachel had me crying with laughter talking about their teen years on the res. with Emily joining as well. I told them some of my more frantic mother moments with dirty diapers that seemed to be messier than my little babies should have been able to produce, or changing them and they peed all over me. Much of the stress I had been under for the past seven months was gone for the moment and I took that moment to take deep lung full's of needed breath.

After feeding the babies and changing them, which Emily made Sam do as an uncle duty, I didn't quite understand that but seeing him look so uncomfortable was quite enjoyable. We made our way to a second hand store where I was pushed into a changing room and handed clothes to try on. I spent the next hour or two in varying states of undress and redress as Emily, Rachel and Kim approved or disproved of clothing choices and every time I complained they told me to can it. I shut up after that and let them do what they wanted, while Sam was once again on baby duty.

We left the discount store with bags of Forks appropriate clothes for me and even some for the girls for when they were a bit bigger. Sam then drove us to the mall where we all climbed out and the three torturers' discussed more plans for my discomfort. Sam shot me an apologetic glance before we entered. While the sign above the door said 'Port Angeles Mall', I thought it should read, 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,' like Dante's has over the entrance to hell.

I was again stuffed into the changing room where clothes were thrown at me to try on. Only now the comfortable jeans, tees and sweaters from the second hand store were replaced by slacks, blouses and (shutter) dresses and skirts. After they had amassed a gargantuan pile of bottoms they were working on tops and dresses. I was trying on this really beautiful (if I didn't have to wear it) deep violet dress. It was a halter style dress with a high neck in front and began mid back. It had a slight empire cut that thankfully hid the remainder of my post pregnancy weight. Sadly I didn't mind it too much, I had no clue where I'd wear it but that hadn't stopped them from the beginning.

I made my way out of the changing room and waited for the verdict. Before a word was spoken Rachel handed me a pony tail and told me to put my hair up. I kindly granted her request and then did a twirl for them to get the full effect. I didn't expect the reaction I got.

"What in holy hell is that Isabella Marie Swan?" Rachel all but yelled at me. Confused I looked down at the dress to see if there was something wrong with it, noticing nothing I raised my questioning eyes to the three who were staring at me slack jawed and then Sam rushing to see what the commotion was.

"What's what?" I asked

"That thing on your back, what is it?" Kim asked faintly kinder than Rachel. I turned to the mirror to try to see my back when I heard Sam draw a breath in.

"Is there something wrong with the dress, I thought you might like it?" I asked confused because I had seen nothing on my back.

"I don't give a rat's ass about the dress right now Bella. What Is That?" Rachel again asked as she marched up to me and placed her finger on my middle to upper back and then in dawned on me what they were looking at.

"It's a tattoo." I answered simply.

"No shit Sherlock, what the hell is it?" With a heavy sigh I told them.

"It's a black swan in a tribal design, there is a wolf in the design at the center of the swan and silver bells around the neck of the swan. Below is the birth date of the girls with their initials on either side of the date."

"When and why did you get it?" Emily asked

"I got it a week after the babies were born, I couldn't get it if I was breast feeding and at the time they hadn't gone on my milk yet except for the first two days. I had wanted to get it done when I was pregnant but it wasn't safe so I waited. The tattoo represents my daughter's family and who they are. They are Black's and they are Swan's. The wolf represents their father while the bells their mother and the tribal design represents their Quileute heritage." I need a reminder of why I did what I did after they were born and this was it. I did it for the love of their father and them. Even alone I carried him with me. So what about the dress?" I casually try to change the subject.

"Well I like the tattoo and the dress, I say you get it." Kim announces. While the others stayed quiet on the matter.

"Do you have anything else for me to try on? Hey Sam can you go to the food court and get me a glass of hot water to warm the bottles with, please?" I knew the babies were probably getting hungry and I had no clue how much longer we were going to be, though I was feeling the need to pump. Sam took off to find me the water while Rachel handed me several more shirts to try on. While Sam was away Emily brought me several pairs of under clothes to pick out which I did begrudgingly and then she went back to grab several more of the corresponding size.

When the clothes were done I was placed in the shoe department and I stopped trying to be cordial to my friends. I had spent way too much time doing something I hated and to make matters worse almost all choice was placed in their hands. This felt suspiciously like Bella Barbie. I quit trying on shoes when Sam returned with the water and I warmed the bottles. I took my time feeding the babies and then when I noticed they needed to be changed I grabbed the diaper bag and began pushing the stroller towards the restroom. Rachel stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going missy, sit your tiny hinny down and I'll go change the girls."

I growled and stomped back to the chairs where Emily and Kim had three more pairs each for me to try on.

"Guys why are you making me try on so much stuff, there is no way Paul and Jared will be happy with the money you're spending, especially on me and I know you don't have this money laying around, and for the record I'm paying for what we get here because I already feel awful for what you've spent." I whined and stomped my foot which made Sam burst out laughing and said something that suspiciously sounded like 'thought you didn't stomp your feet anymore, huh.' I really did want to know why they were doing this, first off I didn't deserve it and second we had never bought this much stuff ever on one shopping trip, combined. They chose to ignore my question and comment and motioned for me to take a seat and continue with shoe shopping.

When they had finished the foot and clothes torture the finally announced we were done for the day and we could head back. I jumped for joy and followed Emily and Kim up to the register scared to find out what I was going to be spending. Reaching in the diaper bag for my purse only to notice it was gone. Panicking, I looked all around the stroller for it and then was making my way back to the chairs we were at to see if it was there. Finding nothing I made my way back to the girls to see Kim paying for my things and Rachel holding my purse with a cocky smirk on her face.

"Damn it Rachel and Kim I said I wanted to get what I got here, why won't you let me buy my own clothes?" I asked thoroughly frustrated.

"We were told to make sure you didn't spend a dime today; and to make sure you got everything you needed, not that we weren't intending to do that already." Rachel indulged but remained vague.

"By whom?"

"Let's just say by several generous benefactors as well as Kim, Emily, Sam and I." Still remaining vague but I knew I wasn't going to find out from her.

We made our way out of the mall (hell) and out to the SUV where the purchases and the stroller were placed in the back and then the babies set in the bases. The rest then climbed in the vehicle and we made our way out of Port Angeles. I was exhausted. Shopping had taken it all out of me and I quickly succumbed to sleep listening to the lull of the tires on the highway.

I woke with my head facing the babies, they were still asleep. I twisted so I was sitting properly and noticed we were no longer on the road to Forks, that we had passed Forks a little while ago. I was nervous about what was going on.

"Guys where are we going?" I asked already knowing where we were heading but hoping against hope that it wasn't true.

"You'll see." Was Sam's reply.

I anxiously waited for us to arrive at their intended destination knowing I had no way of getting out of this. I wanted to put off nothing more then what they had tricked me into; I wished I had driven my own car.

"Guys I don't think this is such a good idea, I mean I don't think he really wants to see me right now."

"Well it's a good thing that he and Seth are on patrol then, he doesn't have to decide yet if he's ready to see you." Sam supplied.

We pulled in the drive and I affixed my eyes to the house in front of me. It looked suspiciously empty but I wasn't convinced. There was no way they would bring me back to an empty house, no that house was probably busting the seams on the inside. Full of people who should hate me and most likely do. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

After Sam parked the vehicle he turned to smile at me and I sent him a sneering glare meant to show I was not happy with this little deceit. Emily and Sam climbed out of the front while I stubbornly remained sitting, refusing to walk into their house and greet the pack and all their anger. Before I could put in a good petulant effort the door next to me was ripped wide open and I was unbuckled and pulled out before I could blink or breathe. I was then pulled into a rib cracking hug and spun around.

"Hey, can't…br…ea…the." I choked out to my unknown attacker. I was placed on my feet and I looked at a smiling cheerful Embry who was practically vibrating. Before I could say anything I was hoisted up into another set of arms and given the same treatment. I was set down again and now standing in front of me were two grinning werewolves.

"God I missed you Belly Bear." Quil spoke happily.

"I hate that nickname Quil, why do you insist on still using it." I growled out and he smiled. Embry came up to me and threw an arm over my shoulder.

"You know Bee that things haven't been the same since you left, life is just so boring. I mean I haven't had a good chase in months and you come racing back here and I'm avidly looking forward to good ole' vamp chase. You just bring the fun girly."

"I'm glad I could be a source of entertainment for you Embers, and I missed you too." With that he ruffled my hair.

"Aww Bee we missed you for other reasons too like the dinners you made and desserts, and your cookies, I really missed your cookies. Now what I want to do now is meet your rugrats." Embry said smiling broadly at me. I was wanted to know how he could be so nice to me. Of everyone in the pack he had the most reason next to Jacob to hate me. He knew what it was like to grow up without a father, to have that special connection denied him by his mother. The very thing I had done to my daughters, yet here he was treating me like I had been gone on an extended vacation when I had betrayed his best friend. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that no one was treating me how I deserved to be treated.

I moved to the door I had been pulled out of and grabbed the diaper bag and one carrier and then moved to the other side of the vehicle to pull the other carrier out. I then made my way to the house as I reached the stairs I heard two low growls behind me. I whipped my head around to see what had set Embry and Quil off, I noticed their eyes were firmly fixed on the house. I threw them a questioning glance and they moved closer to me but continued to follow me inside.

Once inside I knew why they were growling. Leah was throwing a tantrum and only once inside could I hear what she was saying.

"This is just rich; first I'm forced to protect her ass, again. But now I'm forced to sit at this party for her little bastards. Hasn't she caused us all enough trouble? First she wrangles in Jacob and uses him then the whole damn pack. She gets knocked up and runs away like a scared little girl and destroys our brother and pulls the rest of the pack down a god damned black hole. Now she's back and we're throwing her little mutt's a party. This is so fucked up." She spat out at Emily and Sam. I had frozen the moment I heard her voice. Her hatred towards me didn't bother me any, it was no different than before I left but her hurtful spiteful words towards my daughters had me fuming.

"If you don't want to be here then leave. I'm not forcing you to stay and be in their presence if you don't want to be, but I will not stand here and let you speak badly about them. Get over yourself and leave if it's too much of a problem for you."

"Who are you to tell me to leave; no one wants you here so you leave get out and don't come back. I'm sure it would do us all some good to be free of you leech, cause god knows your nothing better than the soulless bloodsucker chasing after you."

"Well as I was the one forced to come here without my knowledge or consent and I have no way to get back to Forks it's a little hard for me to leave. But if you want it that badly I'll walk my ass to Billy's." With that I tried to make my way out the door but was stopped by Embry and Quil blocking the door and shaking their heads at me. I huffed indignantly.

"Leah, if you don't want to be here then go." Sam ordered.

"God I don't understand how you lot can forgive her so easily, it makes me sick." She yelled as she marched out the back door.

"Sorry Bella, I didn't think she would go off like that. I…" Sam trailed off.

"Sam, I didn't expect her to react any differently than she did, I'm used to that by now, I just didn't like the way she spoke about my children, I shouldn't have asked her to leave like that it's not my place." I said lamely.

"Oh I can't wait till Jake sees how she went off like that, he's going to tear her a new one and then some." Quil said happily.

"Emily where would you like me to put them, so everyone can meet them?"

"Just go to the living room Bella, I'm going to get started on dinner." Emily answered and I made my way to the couch.

Once I was sitting I finally looked around at who was all here. It seemed that everyone besides Jacob, Seth and Leah were now present in the Uley house. Jared was sitting in an arm chair off the far end of the couch with Kim happily in his lap. He looked slightly uncomfortable, probably from my presence. Paul sat in the far chair at the dining table with Rachel next to him. He looked how he normally looked around me, indifferent, but I could see silent fury in his eyes. Collin and Brady were sitting with their backs against the wall near the television talking under their breath to one another. Quil and Embry had moved to sit on each side of me. I placed the carriers on the floor in front of me and reached down to pick up Juliana and I handed her to Quil, who I sadly knew had better experience with young children. I then grabbed Charlotte and handed her carefully to Embry. He was almost as careful as Jake had been. Once the babies were out of the carriers and in full view for the wolves they all perked up to see.

"They're so tiny." Embry remarked.

"Well their twins so they couldn't grow as big as one baby could and they were also born early. It doesn't help matters that you guys have enormous hands either."

"Are you going to introduce us or do we just stare at them?" Quil asked. And so I introduced my daughters to their father's best friends and pack mates. The girls were passed around from wolf to wolf. Each one stared at the baby in his arms. It looked as if they were bonding with the babies much like wolves in the wild bond with the cubs in their pack; it was really interesting to watch.

After the introductions were over I grabbed one baby and a blanket from the diaper bag and made my way to the kitchen. I sat on a chair at the island, threw the blanket over myself and began to breast feed. I decided that since I couldn't pump any time soon so the four bottles I had left I would need for tonight, I needed to breast feed. When my daughter had her fill I covered up and went to go get the other to feed her. While I was feeding her Emily stopped cooking to talk to me.

"I know you have a lot of your mind right now but do you remember a conversation we had back in October or November about what you wanted to do for your career? About what the boys suggested we do?" Emily asked.

"You mean about us cooking for a living?" I asked to clarify. As my baby finished eating; I covered up. I walked back into the living room and handed her back to a cheerful Embry, he really liked holding the babies.

"Yeah that's what I'm talking about, did you ever think about it, consider it?" Emily asked me somewhat timidly after I returned to the kitchen, now to help her with supper.

"When they brought it up I thought about it and every once in a while when I was away I would imagine what it would have been like if I had stayed and we had done it."

"Are you still interested in the idea, would you consider doing it now?" That shocked me, we hadn't brought this up since the boys had suggested it after a bonfire we had at the end of October. I hadn't given it serious consideration because I thought that path was lost the moment I left.

"How would it work? I have no money, no experience in restaurants and I have two babies to support so I'm going to have to find a job to do that and not only that but…" Emily interrupted me.

"Bella, this would be your job, and we talked about employing the pack because it's hard for them to get traditional jobs so you'd be protected at work. And yeah, we both don't have experience in traditional restaurant work but we both have cooked meals for bonfires and the pack. We're used to big productions. If we do this it will bring income in to everyone and make it easier for you to provide for your girls. The money thing we'll figure out." She explained. I was amazed.

"You've thought about this a lot haven't you, more than just an idea?"

"Yeah, I mean other than feeding these wolves and taking care of this house I have no other work. Sam can't get a full time job because the demands of the pack prevent him from doing so. The option of running a business gives everyone involved flexible schedules and constant income which will help with the food bills. I've found a few suitable buildings here in La Push and also in Forks."

"Wow." It was all I could say. Before I could ask more questions or reply to her thoughts Charlie, Sue and Billy came through the door. What the hell was everyone doing here; didn't Leah say something about a party?

"Emily why is everyone here, and what did Leah mean about a party?"

"Well…um." A squeal interrupted her answer.

"Bewwa?" A very excited Claire squealed from Quil's arms. Where had she been? He placed her on the ground and she ran to me. I picked her up and she squeezed me around my neck.

"Whewe wewe you? I missed you." Claire said.

"I missed you too sweetie, I was away."

"What did you do?"

"I had babies." I answered and her eyes lit up.

"Babies? Whewe awe they?

"They are in the living room, how about Quil brings you to them." I supplied as she gave me a peck on the cheek and I then handed her to Quil.

"So what about this party?" I again asked Emily.

"Well yesterday at lunch you said that the babies turned two months today and since the pack had yet to meet the girls, me and Emily thought that it would be a good idea to get the pack together and meet the babies today." She said as she set the table with all the food that was made. Then she turned and called everyone to dinner.

I returned to the living room to change the babies and then place them in their carriers. Once they were both in the carriers I brought them to the table so I could eat as well. Everyone chatted idly on matters of little importance as they ate; the atmosphere was light and enjoyable.

"Bella remember to write down the address to your apartment and the items that need to stay there." Sam said as he handed me a sheet of paper and pen while I finished eating. I wrote down all the pertinent information and handed it back to him. He nodded and handed it to Embry.

"So Embers is going, why?" I asked.

"He volunteered along with Seth, it worked best for them since Quil has to watch Claire, Collin and Brady are too young and the others have other duties they can't leave." Sam supplied while looking at Rachel and Kim. The other duties were that the imprinted wolves couldn't leave. It was just easier for Embry and Seth to leave. Sam just couldn't say that because Charlie was in the room.

"Well thank you Embry and please pass my thanks on to Seth when you see him. Do you know when you're leaving?" I asked as I turned my attention to him.

"I'm thinking tomorrow morning would be the best time, we'll head straight down there, pack everything up and head straight back. I'm thinking that it should only take us three to four days."

After supper I moved to the living room with Embry, Quil, Sue, Billy and Charlie to watch a movie while Rachel, Kim, Emily and Sam cleaned up dinner. I sat in between Embry and Quil with the babies at my feet. I can't remember what movie that was put in as I curled up next to Embry and laid my head on his shoulder and soon succumbed to sleep.

I awoke much later lying down in my bed very confused at how I got there and sweltering again. I idly wondered if Charlie left the heat on and didn't know it. I glanced at my alarm clock and it read two a.m. That meant I had been asleep nearly six hours. I made my way down stairs to check on the babies. On the couch once again was Charlie sleeping. Both my girls were out so I went back upstairs and returned to my bed where I fell into a blissful sleep, filled with thoughts of happy families.

A/N 2: Sorry this is so late, this chapter tortured me, though it is mostly filler, it sets up a few things so these things needed to happen, it is also about 3000 words longer than my average chapters so you get a little extra for your wait. Thanks again for everyone who has read and reviewed this story, we broke 100 reviews on the last chapter and I couldn't be happier. Let me know what you think.

8


	9. The Day in the Life

**Disclaimer:** Anything belonging to Twilight I don't own, it's all Stephanie's.

Ch. 9

The Day in the Life

I woke with the sun flitting through my opened window along with a soothing breeze. I stretched and quickly went through my morning routine, thankful I was getting to shower, it was hard when I was in California to get to do some of the necessities, like shower. I was incredibly thankful for Charlie and all the help he was offering me, but I was going to make certain that he no longer took anymore night shifts with the babies, they were my responsibility. I walked back in my room and noticed all the bags from yesterday, whoever brought me home must have brought up the clothes also. With a tiny bit of joy I rifled through to find a comfortable outfit suitable to lounge around the house in.

Making my way down stairs I walked into the living room where Charlie was rocking Juliana in his recliner holding the pacifier in her mouth, she was awake but seemed content. I knew that he had used the remaining of the bottles I had left so I would have to pump before the girls ate for the morning. Smiling at my dad and making my way into the kitchen I grabbed all the dirty bottles from the diaper bag and kitchen counter to clean them. Once clean I picked up the pump, very thankful I could because I was full, I hoped that I could fill at least half of what was needed for the day to make up for the fact that I only pumped once yesterday.

I sat listening for any noise in the living room when I heard whimpering. Julian was losing her patience with the pacifier and she was going to want to be fed, if she wasn't soon she was going to wake her sister. I quit pumping for the moment, covered up and picked up two of the recently filled bottles and brought them into the living room, I handed one to Charlie and then reached in the play pen for an alert Charlotte. Once they were fed, Charlie headed upstairs to get ready for another day at work. I placed them pack in their play pen and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Looking around the kitchen, it was easy to see that a trip to the supermarket was needed to increase the food stuffs to feed more than Charlie, and I highly doubted that he even ate much at home while I was gone. I'm sure he spent the majority of his meals with either Billy or Sue. I rummaged for ideas on what to make and decided that I'd use the rest of the eggs and bread for scrambled eggs and toast with jam. Charlie walked in just as the eggs were being finished.

We sat in silence, me unable to bring up the conversation we had yet to have, him probably trying to figure out how to start said conversation. I'm sure there were many things he wanted to know about where I was and what I did while away, I really had no clue but I knew I was going to be uncomfortable answering most any question he asked.

I finished my breakfast and put the dirty dishes in the sink; I sat at the table, covered up and finished pumping. At this point I didn't care if it made Charlie uncomfortable, I needed to finish the bottles and I wanted to avoid his talk, it accomplished both equally well. Charlie shifted back and forth in his chair for a while then got up and placed his dirty dishes in the sink next to mine, walked back to me placed a kiss on my forehead and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, soon the sound of the front door reverberated through the house.

I finished pumping and placed the filled bottles in the fridge. I checked on the girls and returned to the kitchen. I decided that the house need a thorough cleaning, with the way the food stuffs looked I was sure that the house hadn't had a good cleaning since the last one I did. The girls were happily occupied with the visual aids in their play pen and pacifiers so I got to work on the dishes. Once they were done I moved on to sweeping and mopping. I went back into the living room where I changed the diapers and put them in their outfits for the day and placed my happy babies back in the play pen. Since the day I fled their schedules had been disturbed and if I wanted them to continue sleeping well at night then I was going to have to put them back on the schedule they were used to. They were going to need a nap somewhat soon but I figured I could clean some more before they did.

I moved upstairs to do the bathroom and collect the laundry from mine and Charlie's rooms. Cleaning had taken a good chunk of my morning and I still had the living room and laundry to do. I got the washer started and moved to the living room to see that the girls had fallen asleep. I couldn't do much cleaning with them asleep so I needed to do something else while the clothes washed. There had been something I was avoiding, something I needed to do, but doing it wasn't going to be fun because this was something that shouldn't be done over the phone. I had to call my mom. She needed to know I was home and safe. She needed to know she had granddaughters, but how was I going to tell her in a way that didn't seem aloof or lacking the importance the situation granted. I knew I couldn't blurt over the phone that I was a mother; I needed her to come to Forks without telling her the reason she had to come. And knowing my mother it wasn't going to be an easy task, she was going to grill me over the phone, I was going to have to put up the tough fight to remain as vague as possible. Given my years of lying experience to both my parents I hoped I could pull it off.

With determination I grabbed the cordless phone and the new baby monitor that was purchased yesterday, I made my way up the stairs to call the woman I hadn't seen nor spoken to since Christmas. The phone rang.

"Hello Charlie, any word on Bella?" My mother asked before I had a chance to speak.

"Mom." I responded hesitantly.

"Oh my god, Bella?" She nearly shrieked.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Bella, baby? Are you ok? What happened? Where were you?" She asked frantically.

"Mom, I'm fine and yes I'm okay. I'm sorry I ran away and put you and dad and everyone else through all that torment and worry. I was stupid and rash."

"Bella why'd you run away?"

"Mom I really want to tell you but this is something I need to tell you in person." I said trying to placate her worry, I wasn't going to tell her anything about the babies and my reasons for leaving, she was just going to have to come to Forks because there was no way I was going to go to Florida.

"God Bella I was so worried, why don't you come down and see me and we can talk?" She asked.

"Mom I can't leave, I…you…I need you to come here, and I need you to do it as soon as possible."

"Are you in trouble Bella, what's going on, you can tell me?"

"Mom, I just need you to come to Forks and you can have Phil come too, he should know too…"

"Know what Bella, tell me what's going on right now."

"I can't tell you, mom please just come to Forks as soon as you can, I'm sorry I'm worrying you but I will not tell you this over the phone. Please come." I was pleading with her, fighting the urge to just tell her so she wouldn't worry unnecessarily.

"Does Charlie know you're in trouble Bella, is it Jacob, is…is it…Edward?" She asked very diffident to mention Edward afraid she mentioned an emotional bomb.

"No mom it really has nothing to do with Edward and yes Charlie knows." Hopefully she forgot her mention of Jacob.

"So it's Jacob then, what did he do to make you run away and act so secretive on the phone, this is almost like the time you ran back to Phoenix." I sighed.

"Mom, I just…I can't…I don't want…I don't want you thinking anything bad about him, he did nothing wrong, he's the one hurting right now and until you get here I can't tell you what you want to here. I'm going to be vague and secretive because I will not tell you this over the phone, I don't want to share this with you thousands of miles apart. I'm sorry if I'm hurting you but…I need you mom, just please come." I finished sadly.

As much as I didn't want to admit it I wanted my mom here to give me advice on being a young mom. Advice on how I could fix the mess I made with Jacob because she done something similar to Charlie. And even though I was a mother right now I just wanted to cuddle in my mother's arms and let the complications of my life fall away for a little bit. I wanted to just be someone's child for a moment instead of someone's mother.

"I don't like this Bella but I'll come as soon as I can. I'll try to drag Phil with too; he was so worried about you too."

"Okay."

"So besides why you left, how are you doing?"

"Considering I disappeared and gave everyone one a reason to hate me, I'm doing fine most everyone has welcomed me back openly. That is more than I expected, only Jacob is acting how I expected and he has every right to being the way he is right now. It's just difficult being away from him when he's so close."

"How long have you been back?" She sounded a tiny little bit hurt.

"Um…yeah…I got back Sunday afternoon and I would have called you sooner but I had to deal with a lot back here."

"Bella this is really big isn't it, your secret?"

"Yeah, really big, I wish you were here right now, I need your advice so badly, I don't know what to do and I just want someone to tell me how to fix my mistakes." I said my voice belaying my desperation to fix everything with Jacob.

"Oh sweetie, I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but I can't tell you anything but give it time and things will get better. I have a feeling that it won't help you with your problem though." She said sadly.

"No it doesn't but it still helps to hear your voice, I really did miss talking to you mom." As I finished speaking I heard one of my babies begin to whimper. I turned the monitor down so that Renee couldn't hear and I began trying to find a way to quickly get off the phone to attend to the babies.

"Um…mom…I have to go, something just came up. I'll talk to you later and let me know when you're coming or if you can't come. Hopefully I'll see you soon."

"Are you sure you're okay baby, you seem a little frazzled right now?"

"I promise I'm fine mom. I love you." I could now hear wailing from downstairs.

"Okay, I love you too baby, I hope I'll see you soon, bye." I quickly hung up and rushed downstairs to calm my daughter.

Descending the stairs and then entering the living room I glanced at the clock to see that it was time to feed the babies. I picked up my vocally upset Juliana and made my way to the kitchen to warm two bottles for them. I shushed her, bounced her and patted her back to calm her down. She wasn't having any of it and her wails increased. I rushed to the diaper bag and grabbed another pacifier and put it in her mouth. She suckled for about three seconds and began crying again. Once the first bottle was warmed I put it to her lips and she took it quickly.

She devoured the contents of her bottle more quickly than she had ever done before. I moved to burp her and when she did I felt the warm gooeyness before I smelt the offending odor. Thankfully my hair was on my other shoulder so I didn't need to clean that out. I walked into the living room and set Juliana in her carrier with her pacifier and made my way to laundry room, I removed my shirt and added it to my large pile. I moved the wash to the dryer and threw my newly dirtied shirt and the rest of the load in the washer to wash. I grabbed one of Charlie's clean shirts off the dryer and put it on so that I could continue washing my clothes. I picked up Charlottes warmed bottle and went to go feed her. She ate happily. I burped her and placed her in her back in the play pen with her pacifier.

Juliana was still acting fussy so I picked her up and went to Charlie's recliner so that I could rock her. I placed her on my shoulder and gently patted her back as I rocked her. She was nuzzling the crook of my neck and grabbing at my collar bone and whining quietly. I thought she might be hungry after spiting up bottle but I was afraid that if I gave her more milk she might spit that up as well because she seemed to have an upset stomach. I stood up and grabbed Charlotte's empty bottle. With Juliana in my arms I went to the sink and cleaned the bottle and then filled it with tepid water. I went back to the living room and fed Juliana the water in the recliner.

She finally seemed to calm and relax. I placed her in the play pen with Charlotte and went to clean the bottles again so that when I pumped later, there were clean bottles already available for me to use. I heard that the washer was done so I pulled out the load and put in a new one. I checked the one in the dryer and pulled it out because it was done, and replaced it with the load I had just pulled out of the washer. I folded the dried load and set it on the dryer for me to put away when the rest of the laundry was finished. I made my way into the kitchen and made the grocery list.

I walked back into the living room when I heard one of the girls begin to cry. I notice a very strong odor coming from the play pen. Charlotte was fine but Juliana was the one crying again. I picked her up and regretted it immediately. She had messed herself out of her diaper and up her back. I held her gingerly in my arms and sat down near the diaper bag. With one arm I pulled out the diaper pad and laid her on it. I cautiously removed her soiled clothes and placed them in a pile. I then removed the diaper and began cleaning her as best I could with wipes. Once she was clean enough to hold I walked into the kitchen and filled the sink for her bath.

I gave her, her bath and then grabbed one of the outfits I had just folded and walked into the living room to diaper and dress her. I put her back in the play pen in a different spot. I marched to the kitchen to look for a safe cleanser but found none so I filled a small bucket with warm soapy water and a tiny amount of bleach and began to clean the soiled diaper pad and then the dirty portion of the play pen. I picked the dirty outfit and began to rinse it out in the laundry room sink. I cleaned out the sink and filled it with water and a bit of detergent to soak the outfit. I then went to change Charlotte.

I was a tad worried that Jules was being fussy and Charlotte wasn't. I hoped that Juliana didn't get anything from all the people she had been around the past three days. Because I was worried she did I went to the phone and called the clinic to make an appointment with the pediatrician. I didn't want to be the overly fussy mom but I couldn't help it when it came to my babies when they were like this. I was at least thankful I wasn't in the blind panic I was the first time Juliana got a fever. With the appointment made for Tuesday afternoon I went to the play pen and pulled Charlotte and Juliana out and put them in their carriers so we could make the trip to the supermarket. As I'm about to walk out the door to make sure the carrier bases are back in my car, the phone rings, I move quickly to answer is, resulting in me stubbing my toe on the door frame. With mumbled expletives I pick it up.

"Swan residence."

"Bells?"

"Oh hey Dad, what's up?"

"Sue was wondering if you wanted to do dinner together since we all didn't really get to talk to you last night with everyone there and you passing out not long after dinner."

"Sure, sure, sounds good dad, I was heading to the supermarket now, is there anything special you want tonight or the rest of the week?" I asked.

"No whatever you make I'm sure will be great, do you need help with the groceries, I have the jar for food in the cupboard above the sink for you to use."

"That's okay, I have to get diapers and things for the babies that I forgot to get yesterday so I'll get groceries dad."

"Um dad…I called Renee and I asked her to come to Forks so that I could tell her about the girls and so she could meet them. I won't tell her over the phone though she tried to get me to tell her. So, um could you make sure you don't say anything if she calls to interrogate you?" I pleaded

"Okay Bells, I'll see you when I get off at four, love you kiddo." He said and then hung up before I could reply.

I quickly rushed out to my car and noticed that both bases were in my car but were not buckled in. I opened my car secured them properly and went back in the house to grab the babies, the diaper bag and my purse.

Once at the store I grabbed two carts, one for the baby carriers and one for my purchases, this was the reason I always got groceries when the girls were at the babysitter, it is really a hassle to try to push two carts around the store. I moved around the store as quickly as I could pointedly ignoring the stares everyone was giving me. Some were out right bug eyed staring, some were trying to do it slyly others just ignored me, which was fine with me. Thankfully the whispers I had heard at the diner were not recreated here at the store. Grabbing everything I needed off the list and also a few things I didn't have I made my way to pay.

They thankfully had the bag boy go out to my car to help me load the groceries, or he loaded the groceries in my trunk while I buckled the babies up. I wanted to get home quickly because they were going to get hungry soon and it looked as if it was going to storm as well.

When I pulled up at the house there was a very happy werewolf sitting on the porch steps grinning. I got out and went to the back seat to pull the babies out. Quil ran up to me to help me. He took one carrier while I took the other. I walked into the living room and took Charlotte out of her carrier and placed her in the play pen, Quil followed my actions and did the same for Juliana but a little more delicately. He followed me out to the car where I popped the trunk and began pulling out my purchases. Quil fills his arms with more than twice of what I carry and be both go to the kitchen, he quickly goes back to get the remainder of the bags. I began pulling out everything from the bags and putting them away. Once Quil is back in the house he helps with putting away the groceries. Once I began hanging out with the pack regularly they all seemed to learn where everything in the kitchen was because Jake knew, so it didn't surprise me that Quil was putting everything in the right spot. What did surprise me was that he was even here.

"Hey Quil, what are you doing here, not that I mind the help?"

"Well, I heard you on the phone with Charlie talking about going to get groceries and with the babies I figured you could use the help." He smiled

"You're hungry and you want me to make you something right?" I laughed lightly.

"You caught me, I haven't had your cooking in months and just the thought of it makes my mouth water and I figured since I'm here I could check on the pups."

"For Jacob." I finished for him, sadly. The look in his eyes told me everything I need to know. Jacob was avoiding me and he was now using the pack to check up on his children so that he could avoid me. I guess he's phased since yesterday then. I ignored the festering wound the thought of Jacob ignoring be created. I deserved to be held at arm's length for as long as he needed me to be there but not coming to see his daughters because of that hurt.

"Just let me switch loads and then I'll make you something Quil, if you want you can go in the living room and watch the babies."

I moved to the laundry room, pulled the dried clothes out and folded them and placed them on the piles on the dryer. I moved the washed clothes to the dryer and then placed the clothes Jules dirtied earlier and the rest of the load in the washer I started it. I moved to the kitchen to make lunch for me and Quil. I decided on grilled turkey paninis with tomato, basil and provolone cheese on sourdough bread. I made two sandwiches for me and six for Quil.

I called Quil into the kitchen where we ate, me keeping my head down avoiding him, avoiding asking the questions I wanted to ask, really avoiding the answers more than the questions. I was afraid I wouldn't like what he had to say. I could think of Jacob's motives for his actions all I wanted but they were just that, my thoughts. I didn't know for certain if he was avoiding me or if he was just more alert for patrol than the others because the threat was against his children. I wanted to remain in blissful ignorance because if he was ignoring me and by proxy the babies then I was going to want to know why, besides his anger. Had he finally had it with me and didn't want me in his life? I had to stop the thoughts before they festered.

I heard a groan of approval come across the table and I looked up at Quil and smirked. He was patting his belly and all his food was gone. He stood and placed his plate in the sink. He walked up behind me and placed a peck on the top of my head.

"Thanks for lunch Belly Bear, but I have to get back to patrol, I'll see you later." He smiled and walked out of the back door towards the woods.

"You're welcome Quil, and quit calling me that nickname." I said knowing he could hear me.

I decided to feed the girls now before I got started on the supper for Charlie, Sue and I. I wanted to pump now before Charlie got back so that we could avoid the awkward atmosphere that was breakfast. I filled the remainder of my cleaned bottles, happy I got caught up from yesterday and from coming up from California. I didn't know how much longer my body was going to keep producing this much milk, but it was getting kind of exhausting and painful. Good thing I was meeting with the doctor next week.

I fed them one of the freshly pumped bottles and then went back into the kitchen to start on the Bar-B-Q pulled pork I was making for supper. It was going to take several hours for the pork to cook and then it needed to rest for a bit. Once the pork was cooking I cleaned the kitchen up a bit and then went to clean the living room.

I checked to see if Juliana had spit up her bottle like before but happily she didn't but she still seemed fussy so I picked her up and went to the recliner to rock her again.

I must have nodded off because the next thing I knew I was waking up to Charlie taking a picture of me holding a sleeping Jules. I smiled at him; I didn't have that many pictures of me and my babies because there was no one around to take them. I hoped it turned out so that I could make a scrapbook of their childhood one day.

"Hey Bells, how was your day?" Charlie asked after pulling off his gun, picking up Charlotte and sitting on the couch.

"It was just the typical day for me, I cleaned the house, worked on some laundry, went grocery shopping and hung out with my babies."

"Well whatever you're making for dinner smells great." He supplied happily.

"Oh speaking of which I have to pull that out of the oven, Dad what do you say having Sue pick up Billy and he can eat with us too?" I asked.

"Sure sounds good, you want to hand me the phone and I'll call her." I get up, place Jules in the carrier nearest Charlie and put the pacifier in her mouth. I grab the phone and hand it to Charlie and go into the kitchen to pull the pork out.

I let the pork rest while I mixed up my bar-b-q recipe. Once that was finished I pulled the pork apart, replaced it in the pan, poured my sauce on it and put it back in the oven at a much lower temperature. I set the kitchen table for four and made my way back to the living room to change the babies' diapers.

"Bells?"

"Yeah Dad?" I looked at him, he seemed uncomfortable and I knew he was going to try to have a talk.

"What…How…Didn't we…?" He tried asking but kept stopping.

"How did this happen, is that what you wanted to ask? It happened my first time, I wasn't thinking straight and I doubt Jacob was either. I know we talked about contraception and every time after we used it, we made a mistake and I destroyed everything." I really didn't want to talk about my sex life with Charlie

"Why'd you think you couldn't come to me? Yes I'm disappointed but I would have helped you no matter what."

"I wasn't thinking clearly that day, so no I wasn't going to come to you or anyone, I thought there was nothing anyone could do to help, I'm sorry."

"What's done is done and there is nothing that can be done to change it, but Bella if you ever get in trouble again, you come to me before you decide anything. I can't lose you like that again. It killed me not knowing where in tar nation you were."

"I promise dad."

Any further talk was interrupted by the arrival of Sue and Billy. Charlie got up, handed me Charlotte and went outside to help Billy up the stairs. I put Charlotte in her carrier next to Juliana and went to the kitchen to take the pulled pork out of the oven and then place the buns and condiments on the table along with the iced tea I had made earlier in the day. I moved to the laundry room and switched loads, folded the dried load and started a new load, I only had one more to wash and I'd be done for a little while.

Upon reentering the kitchen I noticed that Sue had a dish in her hands. She was walking towards the fridge. I supposed it was a dessert or a meal for later.

"Hello Sue, did you need me to take that for you?"

"No dear I'll just put this in the fridge, I thought since you were nice enough to make dinner I would bring a dessert."

"Thank you Sue." I replied kindly, it was still a little awkward talking to her knowing she was my dad's girlfriend. I'm sure she wasn't happy with me for the pain and turmoil I put Charlie through either.

I was surprised when not only did Billy and Charlie come into the kitchen but Rachel and Paul as well. I quickly went to the cupboard and grabbed two extra place settings and then to the closet in the foyer for two chairs. Rachel left the kitchen and came back with both carriers. The kitchen was now officially cramped. I put the pork in a serving dish and set it on the table and we all sat down to eat.

Billy and Charlie talked enthusiastically about a fishing trip they had planned for the coming weekend while Sue paid silent attention to them. Rachel, Paul and I ate in silence, something I was familiar with but Paul's indifference to me made it an uncomfortable silence. When mostly everyone was finished I went to the fridge to grab Sue's dessert. While I was cutting Rachel cleared her throat. I stopped what I was doing to see what she wanted.

"Um, Bella would it be possible for me to take the girls for an overnight visit either tomorrow or Friday night?" She asked hesitantly.

Her hesitation bothered me. I thought about why she would be timid, unless she wasn't asking for herself, she was asking for Jacob. While I knew I was going to have to let him have overnight visits I couldn't do that right now. With the way Juliana was acting to the fact that Renee was hopefully going to be visiting soon. Not to mention Jake had no experience with babies save what I had him do the other night. If he wanted to avoid me he could but I couldn't let him have the girls for overnight right now till after their doctor visit.

"Uh…I don't think that's such a good idea right now…but if you want to take them for part of the day that would be fine." I said as I placed the dessert on the table and went back to the fridge to pull out two bottles.

I picked up Juliana first. I wanted to feed her so that if she repeated her morning incident then I could handle it accordingly and try to make an earlier appointment with the doctor for sometime this week. She ate at her normal pace, not eating hungrily like before. I ate my dessert while she drank her bottle. Rachel got up, picked up Charlotte and fed her, never commenting on what I said, which confirmed my belief she was asking for Jacob.

Sue and Charlie cleared the table and then she washed the dishes. Billy, Paul, and Charlie moved to the living room to catch the latest Mariners game. I contemplated saying what I wanted to tell Rachel knowing it was going to come off as harsh but the fact that Jacob was so obviously avoiding me stung and I wasn't in the mood.

"If Jacob wants to spend time with the girls all he has to do is ask and I'll gladly bring them down to see him but right now I can't let him have them for an overnight visit." Before Rachel could comment Sue spoke.

"I didn't expect anything different from you Bella." I was shocked, was she being harsh or what. Her tone didn't come off as harsh but I was apprehensive.

"Why?" Rachel asked for me.

"She's a young mom and while she can handle them gone for the day because they were at daycare, having them gone overnight scares her, I'm sure she gets up at night just to see if they're breathing, so her being uneasy about Jacob taking them overnight without her knowing he could handle it scares her." I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Sue wasn't criticizing me, she was being understanding.

"How about I drop them off at Billy's house around noon and he can have them till after dinner and I'll do the same for Friday?" I asked Rachel.

"Works for me, if he doesn't like it he can grow a pair and talk to you himself." She replied annoyed.

The rest of the night past in relative calm; Sue, Rachel and I remained in the kitchen chatting about nothing of importance while the boys watched the rest of the game. Once the game was finished, Billy, Sue, Rachel and Paul all filed out and I got the babies ready for bed, glad I was able to keep them on their schedule. I brought my pillow and blanket down from my room and plopped them on the couch. I knew I couldn't keep sleeping on the couch and I was going to have to find a way to make the play pen fit in my bedroom but, tonight I would sleep downstairs. I bid goodnight to Charlie and fell into a fitful sleep where I was once again tormented by my disappearing daughter and Jacob's imprint.

**A/N:** This chapter sets up a bit of drama in the next several chapters so while nothing really important happens it's still needed. I know many of you wanted to see Jacob, but I know what I'm doing and you won't see him till two chapters from now, sorry, but I hope you'll be happy when you do see him. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, the response was amazing. I can't thank everyone enough who has read this story. Let me know what you think.


	10. When It All Comes Out

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it all though I really want to own Jacob Black or most any member of the wolf pack.

**A/N:** I'm really nervous about this chapter, the large section of this chapter in italics is a memory and it is lemony. I'm nervous because I've never written anything resembling citrus and as such I struggled with that portion of the chapter, a lot. I hope I did it justice.

Ch. 10

When It All Come Out

My hope that Juliana just had a disgruntled tummy yesterday was dashed not long after the clock struck twelve. I woke to the shrill cry of my baby girl. I jumped up and rushed to the play pen, glad for at least tonight, I had decided to sleep on the couch and that there was at least a floor between the babies and Charlie. I picked her up quickly and rushed to the kitchen, hoping she hadn't awakened her sister.

I bounced her up and down trying to shush her to calm her cries while I frantically began warming a bottle, about fifteen seconds in I gave up the wait for the bottle, sat at the kitchen table and began to breast feed her. She latched on immediately and drank hungrily finally quieted and unable to wake her sister. She was still sniffling and I wiped the tears that lay on her tiny delicate cheeks. When I thought that she had drunk her fill I pulled her off and threw the burp cloth that was still on the table over my shoulder and set her there to burp. Just like yesterday about the time she burped she spit up most of what she drank onto the burp cloth on my shoulder. I was again thankful I had the where with all to move my hair away from her. I threw the dirtied cloth on the last pile of clothes I had to wash and then went back to the kitchen.

I tried to push the hot licks of fear that bubbled up in me as I filled a cleaned bottle with tepid water and gave it to her. I placed my hand on her forehead to see if she was running a fever but she felt as she always did. I couldn't figure out why she was spitting up entire bottles of milk and then be fine after a bottle of water. I was fighting a panic I hadn't felt for a very long time, pushing the memories I didn't want to remember. I clutched my daughter closer, breathed in her scent and prayed that this didn't mean anything.

Not long after she finished the bottle she fell asleep. I knew I should put her back in the play pen to sleep but I worried that the moment she was down the fear I was fighting with her in my arms was going to be exasperated with her out of them. So I selfishly kept her clutched tightly to my chest and moved to recline in Charlie's chair. I pulled the throw that was resting on the back of the chair down and over me and my daughter and after much rocking back and forth finally fell back asleep.

My sleep hadn't lasted long and before I knew it, Charlotte was whining in the play pen while Juliana awoke and began whining in my arms. I marched to the kitchen to refill the bottle of water and noticed I had been asleep for two hours. I went to the fridge and pulled the bottle out that I had attempted to warm earlier and warmed it for Charlotte. Once warm I put Juliana in a carrier and then moved to do the same for Charlotte. I sat in between both carriers and gave each girl a bottle. When they were finished I pulled Charlotte out to burp first and then for a diaper change. I placed her back in the play pen where she quickly fell back asleep. I pulled another burp cloth out of the diaper bag and began to burp Juliana.

I heard it before I sensed it any other way. Her belly began to rumble and gurgle and before long it leaked up the back of her diaper like it had yesterday. I quickly stripped her in my arms and pulled the pajamas off before they were dirtied more and waited for her to finish. It seemed like déjà vu as I cleaned her up and gave her another bath, redressed her and placed her back in the carrier till I could clean up the mess. Once everything was cleaned I picked her up, settled back into the recliner, covered up and attempted to fall back asleep with my baby in my arms.

The rest of the night was a more normal night with the girls, they woke twice more and thankfully Juliana had kept down both bottles and her diapers had been normal. The panic was put back to the depths of my mind and slept fitfully on the couch, unable to get the kind of sleep I had had the previous two nights.

Charlie showering pulled me out of sleep and I got up so that I could pump. I had exhausted the bottles I had filled and if I was bringing the girls to Billy's then they were going to need them. Ah the thought of that little red house brought up emotions I wasn't sentient enough at the moment to quell. I needed four more hours of sleep or two cups of dark coffee. Seeing as I could get neither I let them roll through me. I missed that house and the memories that resided there.

That place was my refuge when nothing else was. A safe haven where the man I love, unwearyingly put back together. It became my second home a place where I could see my past, present and future clearer than I had ever seen eternity with the Cullen's. It was a place where I had been included in on the tribe's greatest secrets. The days where I spent at rapt attention listening to Billy tell me all of the Quileute legends, and committing them to memory. It was the place where I learned you can love again; you can love your best friend. The place where I, with the man I loved, created the only things I considered true perfection on this earth, who were happily sleeping in the other room. Now it was the one place I was dreading more than any other. With Jacob blatantly avoiding me, I wondered how the drop off was going to go, was he going to continue using Rachel, Billy and the pack as his cover. Was this how we were going to raise our children with others as a buffer for hand offs? I knew he was in pain, I wouldn't nor couldn't deny that, but I would hope he could place that as a secondary concern behind the raising of his daughters with me.

It stung fiercely that he didn't want to see me because I couldn't fix anything if he refused to see me. I couldn't make right the errors made. I couldn't show him I was trustworthy and worthy of the forgiveness I so desperately wanted. We couldn't parent effectively if we never even saw one another.

Knowing I would have to drop my girls off at his house where he may be while I was being overrun by a storm of emotions did nothing to help me convince myself that actually dropping my girls off was a good idea. Especially in the state Juliana could be in. I was being the cliché new mother and I didn't want to let her out of my sight for anyone even her inexperienced father and aunt, not that I had much more experience. I knew I was going to have give him alone time with them but it just seemed too soon. In the whirlwind of emotions and unease I finished pumping and began looking at what I could make for breakfast.

After making breakfast and eating it before Charlie descended the stairs I made my way to the laundry room to finish the last load and fold what was dry. I wasn't in the mood to have any conversation knowing he'd bring up the girls going down to La Push or about Juliana's fussiness last night. I was in avoidance mode and my previous experience as zombie Bella made it possible to make sure I didn't have to speak to him at least through the morning, even if I felt a little guilty because of how understanding and helpful he's been.

He left for work with a kiss to my head and a goodbye thrown over his shoulder as he marched quietly through the front door. I turned to see a small package sitting on the kitchen table. I walked closer to it weary of its contents, as if Charlie would leave a ticking bomb waiting for me on the table. The closer I got I noticed a note on the top of the box. I picked up the note and the cover of the box gave me a shock, I didn't think Charlie would get me something like this, I mean I know he had one for work but he hated it. I never had one before; there had been no need when I moved here with my school, work and fun radius all within a twenty minute radius. So why did he now see the need for me to have one and why on earth did he think I had the ability to run such a contraption? The note read:

_Bells,_

_Here is something that may help you on your runs back and forth to the res. With all the running I don't want you to get stranded with those precious babies in the back seat and have no way to get in contact with anyone and be stuck hoping someone pulls over to help you. Don't worry about the cost, I've got it covered. I don't want to hear any complaining about how you don't want it or that it's too expensive. You need it and any cost is worth it to make me worry less. So suck it up and enjoy it._

_Your Dad_

Putting the note down I opened the box that held a shiny new cell phone. I flipped the cover and tried to figure out how to turn it on. There was no power button like on my computer. I started pressing buttons and finally found one that worked. I felt appropriately embarrassed I was a teenager in the twenty-first century and I didn't know how to use a damn cell phone, I was going to have to ask one of the pack for help and I don't know when I'd hear the end of it. Sighing I put the phone back in the box and walked to the fridge pulling out two bottles to warm, the girls should be getting up soon and would be hungry as it had been a while since their last bottle.

Checking the girls they were still asleep and I had no intention of waking them after the night I had, I'd let them sleep another hour before I woke them. I decided to put away the laundry I had folded already away. I left two outfits for each baby on the dryer and then marched upstairs to my bedroom where I began putting away my clothes. I cleaned out a dresser drawer to put some of the babies' clothes in. After the clothes were put away I sat on my bed and surveyed the room. It was a mess and a heavy reminder of my happy distant past. If I was going to move the play pen up here for the babies to sleep in until the crib got here I was going to have to do some arranging and while I couldn't do it now, I'd do it when the babies were in La Push. That way I'd have something to do to distract me from the empty house and thoughts of Jacob.

I hadn't wasted much of the hour so I went back downstairs to pack the diaper bag for the day. I had exhausted the diapers I had brought with me so I opened the pack I bought yesterday and stuffed several days worth in the bottom of the diaper bag along with a new package of wipes. I put two of the outfits I had left on the dryer in the diaper bag and a few burping cloths as well.

Walking to the play pen I noticed that the girls were awake but happily just looking at the little toys on the side of the play pen that would be used once they started moving around more. For now the shiny and colorful little bobbles just kept their rapt attention for hours on end, something I was silently thankful for. I grabbed the bottles from the kitchen placed them by the carriers that were still sitting near the couch from last night and went back to put the girls in the carriers. I again fed both perched on the floor between the carriers at the same time.

Juliana had drank her bottle at about the same pace as Charlotte so the tiny worry I had that she'd put in a repeat performance was quelled and I decided to burp her first. Once they were both burped I changed their diapers and dressed them in the second outfits I had left on the dryer earlier.

I still had a few hours until I had to leave to go to Billy's so I the blanket I had used last night off the recliner and laid it flush on the floor. Pulling the girls out I laid them on the blanket far apart from on another that I could lay between them. I hadn't had time in the last few weeks to just play with my girls. I took a few of the toys I had bought on the shopping excursion out. I noticed as I played with my daughters they were starting to smile. Their lips would tweak and I could just make out the ghost of their fathers brilliant smile now it looked more like his impish grin. My heart clenched at the idea of their father missing such an amazing thing as their first smiles.

With a groan I laid my head down on the blanket, why, oh why, couldn't I be a rational woman? Why couldn't I react to things how normal people reacted to things, maybe then I wouldn't have left because I was scared? I would have stayed and then right now Jacob and I could be laid on the floor together playing with our daughters as they smiled for the first times. We could take the nightly feedings and diaper changes. He would calm the fears I kept ignoring right now. But I knew if I was normal I wouldn't have reacted well to having a vampire for a crush, and then I wouldn't have found out about, or reacted well to finding out my best friend and future love was a werewolf. My innate ability to be good with the weird made it impossible to react sanely to stressful situations that could change my life. Now at least I could never use running as an option in anything. It was something I could never do again.

With the thought of Jacob missing anymore of their lives I decided I could go down early. I got up and pulled four bottles out for the day. Having just eaten they should be good till a little after lunch time and then just before I picked them up, and if not they could supplement with water. I knew I was going to have to give them a schedule to follow and a few pointers if Juliana got sick again. I retrieved a piece of paper and pencil and wrote down everything I thought they would need for the day and put it in the diaper bag along with the bottles. I put the girls in their carriers with their pacifiers and secured them snuggly.

I walked out of the house and secured the front door, not knowing when I'd return thinking I could go see Emily and talk to her without the pack around. I knew nothing was sacred within the pack but between me and Emily at least I could talk about my fears and feelings without it getting back to Jacob. I could use her as a sounding board to sort through the mess that had become my life. If you'd told me the day I moved back to Forks that within two plus years I'd be a mother with no real discernable path in life. I would have burst out laughing at the thought of first being a mother and second the fact that I wasn't in school getting a degree even though even then I had no clue what I wanted to do for a career. Being with the Cullen's had just caused me to not think about it and then their abandonment had sent my life in a tailspin where I didn't have the ability to think about the future in long stretches of time.

The closer and closer I got to La Push and the Black's abode the more apprehensive I became. What if he was there? Would he hide? Would he answer the door and talk to me. Would he turn his back on me? A memory of the time when he had been kept from me by Sam filled my mind. Though this time it was his own choice and he wasn't doing to protect me, it was to hurt me in the only way he knew how, his absence. He was punishing me by keeping himself away from me, much like he felt punished when I was gone. Though I knew I deserved any punishment he gave me, even two days absence had begun to wither a considerable hole on my heart. I felt acute pain from his decision to keep himself away from me.

I pulled into the drive of my second home and parked near the house. I took in the unchanged abode in front of me and then my eyes went back to the garage behind the house and my heart seized. There standing before me was the one place I didn't want to see right now. With my inability to push emotions and memories aside, seeing that building brought up a deluge of both.

I remembered the first time I had entered that cherished building. Dragging along the dilapidated motorcycles to Jacob in an effort to fix them but in true essence, fix me. Or the countless days after where I watched him with rapt attention as he lovingly put them back together. The day that most stuck out to me burned me in more ways than one.

_I drove down to the res. to see Jacob. I had last seen him three days previous, when he had gotten all of our friends together on first beach. Today though I was in desperate need of my sun, I needed his light and joy and warmth to seep through all of me and take away the darkness. It was a Saturday so Charlie and Billy had left early to go fishing, Jacob most likely got up with them to help his dad. And being it was Saturday it was Jacob's day off meaning I could spend the whole day alone with his warmth and goodness with no distractions from school, work or pack. _

_I pulled into the drive way and drove closer to the garage where I knew he'd be. The Rabbit had needed work and he hadn't the time to do it. I knew he'd take his day off to do that work. I walked with trepidation I felt in my toes, I was uneasy in mind, thought and emotions swirling through me that I couldn't share with anyone. I was waiting for the consistency of Jake to quell the raging emotions._

_Before I could reach the door of the garage it opened before me, Jake pulling me into one of his signature bear hugs. I placed my head in the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent. In his arms the world was righted and all evils evaporated. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and I squeezed him right back._

"_Hey Bells." He said happily._

"_Hey Jake." I sighed happily, he was already having an effect of me._

_Instead of setting me down he walked into the garage, shutting the door behind him, and went to the couch he had placed in there in May to give me a more comfortable place to sit when watching him work._

_Sitting down he kept me in his lap while I straddled his lab, I had to pull my legs from behind them to fold them around his. I still hadn't released my arms from the death hold they held on his shoulders._

"_What's going on Bells? You okay?" The smile not leaving his voice._

"_I missed you." I mumbled into his neck._

"_It's been three days."_

"_I know it's been too long, I missed your warmth."_

_He chuckled. "Ah I see I'm just your space heater, is that all I am to you?"He says with mirth heavy in his voice._

"_No, you're so much more than my space heater, you're my sun, and you make me feel all toasty inside."_

"_Let me warm you up then." He leaned back as I lifted my head. He captured my lips and secured his hands on my hips. Our lips moved and melded together in a dance I loved more and more every day. I don't think I would ever tire of kissing Jake._

_I moved my hands that were clutched together at the base of his neck up into his shortly cropped hair. I ran my fingers through the hair and began slightly tugging on the strands eliciting a small moan from Jacob. He pulled me closer with the hands that were still planted on my hips. We were fused from our head to our hips._

_His hand began ghosting up and down my sides, bringing forth delightful tingles that flowed through my entire body. His hand would rise until the just rubbed the edges of my breasts and then descend till they reached where my backside swelled out and begin their path again. The only thing it made me think was; more, more, moremoremore. _

_He moved his left hand from my side into my hair as he cupped the side of my face as he began to deepen the kiss by enticing my mouth to open with his tongue. I gladly obliged. He began to move his other hand down to the edge of my shirt and then under where he moved his fingers in a slow tortuous massage of my lower back._

_When the need to breathe grew more than the need to continue kissing he used his hold on my hair as a way to tip my head back and then moved his lips down my jaw to my ear where he wrapped his lips around and nipped gently and then embarked on the path down my neck with open mouth kisses. I moved my hand from his hair to trace the sinews of his upper back._

_He reached my collar bone where his open mouth kisses were now nips and suckles. Without much conscious thought my hips began rocking on him in order to alleviate the need that was beginning to grow within me causing Jake to groan in response. He paused his kisses in order to look me in the eye where the question was obvious; 'Is this okay', without words I nodded my consent and he slowly removed my t-shirt. _

_He immediately pulled me closer and began trailing kisses and nips down my chest to where I really wanted him. I began running my nails up and down his back and over his arms. He shivered in response. His hands left my hair and back and began to inch closer to my breasts. I moved my hands to my back and unhooked my bra, letting him know I wanted to go further. As my bra loosened he pulled it from me and threw it in the direction of my shirt._

_We were both breathing heavily and as he began kneading and pinching me I began mewling in pleasure, as his lips descended on my chest I could no longer contain my moans of approval. We were rocking together the pleasure growing between us; I could feel his desire for me grow beneath me and I'm sure he could smell mine for him._

_He turned me over and laid me down on the couch and he hovered over me never stopping the attention he paid to my chest. I moved my hand in between us and grasped his desire and then popped the button on his cut offs and carefully slid the zipper down. This caused him to stop the torture he was paying to me and lay his head on my chest and groan. I pulled him up to me so I could kiss him again. There was no preamble and we were devouring each other and it still wasn't enough for me, he began to focus his attention on my neck and collarbone._

"_Jake, I want you." I breathlessly said while running the tips of my fingers down his chest to explore his wonderful abs. I was raking my nails up and down his amazing muscles feeling every amazing groove and bulge beneath my fingers._

"_God Bells" Jake growled out in response and attacked my mouth and tongue with renewed vigor._

_I moved my arms around his lower back and pulled him closer aligning our centers both of us groaning in response. His right hand slid down my body extracting shivers in response as kneaded my hip before moving to my center where he undid the button and zipper on my jeans and then slid his hand down them to cup my center. My hips rose and I cried out, "Jake" breathlessly._

_He sat back on his heels between my parted legs and began pulling my jeans off, my shoes having come off earlier without my notice. "So beautiful," he says as he looks at my nearly nude form with reverence. Once my jeans were off he began kissing, nipping and sucking his way up my body at a painfully slow pace, paying special attention to my inner thighs, my hips and the underside of my breasts driving me mad with pleasure._

"_Jake, please I need you." He stopped and looked at me then. Looking if what I was telling him was said in the moment of pleasure or something I wanted. Sure we had been in this position before but we'd never been where I was asking him to go. We had mutually pleasured on another with our hands and mouths but had never preformed the ultimate expression of our love and today I was sure I needed him in that way._

"_Please Jake; I'm sure, so sure." I said as I brought my feet up to help my hands remove what was left of his clothes. I then brought my hands up to cup his face where I kissed him sweetly letting him know I really was sure. He responded in kind then began exploring my body with his warm calloused hands._

_With the removal of the last piece of clothing between us, we had entered into uncharted territory and my nerves increased. My breathing labored with both desire and trepidation._

_Jacob began kissing and massaging his way down my body increasing my pleasure and need for fulfillment. He reached my aching center and brought me that fulfillment while devouring my flesh like a starving man. All coherent thought was driven from my mind as he finally brought me to my release. As I came down from the ultimate high he re-climbed my body._

_I wanted to return the favor, so I reached my hand down between us when he pulled my hand up stopping me. "As much as I want you to do that honey, I won't be able to keep going if you do." He said and then kissed me brought his hands down to my behind to position me differently and then stopped._

_My eyes met his and he looked lovingly at me. "Are you sure Bells?" though his lips asked his eyes hoped I don't say no._

"_Positive Jake, make love to me." _

_He kissed me and slowly entered me. "I love you Bells," he said as he reached my barrier. I was uncomfortable being stretched but not in pain. Jacob stopped at my barrier and slowly pulled part way out and then returned breaking my virginity and his along with it. White hot pain shot through me and I whimpered in response causing Jake to freeze and look at me with fear in his eyes._

"_I'm so sorry Bella, what do you want me to do, do you want me to pull out?" He asked pain and panic thick in his voice._

"_No, just…just don't move for a bit." I said gritting my teeth praying the pain would go away because I didn't want him to leave me. Though it hurt, I felt complete with him there, filled to the brim with love. I knew it was going to hurt, it was common knowledge that the first time hurt but this, this was not what I was expecting and I didn't want it to ruin our time together._

_He froze in me and rained my face and neck and any other part of me he could reach without moving his lower half with kisses and whispers of his love and his apologies for the pain I was in. I waited an inarticulate amount of time till the pain seemed to lessen. I moved my hips to see if I was correct and though the pain had lessened extremely it was still there. I told him to try moving and he did. Now I felt both pain and pleasure and with each movement he made the pleasure increased. I also felt so much love for the man above me, more than I thought possible._

_We moved together. Meeting and pulling apart; noises emanating from each of us as we brought one another closer to completion. I knew Jake was getting close by the sounds he was making, sounds I had heard before. His movements losing their rhythm and he began moving a little more frantically inside of me. An extreme look of concentration flitted across his face as his eyes met mine. I could tell he was trying to hold out for me but I knew I couldn't find my release this time. The pain in the beginning had ensured that. As much as I wanted to get my release I was okay with it not happening, though this experience wasn't what I thought it was going to be, the love I felt for him and the way he made me feel made it more special then I had ever imagined._

_When I really thought about it, most people wouldn't find it special that they lost their virginity on the couch in a rickety garage at their boyfriend's house, but for me, for us, this garage was the beginning of us, the beginning of Jake and Bells. I couldn't think of a better place for us to begin this new phase of our relationship._

_Jake couldn't hold on for me and he found his release within me, the look on his face as he came to completion will forever be burned in me and the feeling of that completion within me made me feel so special, so loved I began to tear up. _

_He saw me crying and with his release coming before me he thought he had done something wrong or hurt me._

"_Bells, honey, I'm sorry…I didn't know, did I hurt you? Oh God…shit. I'm sorry, you just felt so good and I couldn't hold on. Bells talk to me, please tell me what's wrong." He spluttered as I cried, even this was adorable to me. How could he think that what he had just shared wasn't anything short of amazing?_

"_Jake, you didn't do anything wrong and you didn't hurt me. You were so amazing and I have never felt so loved." Kissing him to show him I meant it._

_We spent the next hour just cuddled up on that couch doing nothing but kissing and caressing slowly basking in our love. I spent the rest of my day watching him work on the Rabbit. He kept throwing me shy happy glances from over the engine causing me to blush uncontrollably. _

I was pulled out of the most blissfully happy yet painful memory by the product of that morning in the garage. One of my girls was cooing from the backseat. I smiled and climbed out of the car on shaky legs. That memory had taken a lot of me and left me emotionally and physically weak. So much had changed since that day, I had fallen more in love with him and then destroyed it by acting rashly.

I grabbed the carriers and the diaper bag and walked to the front door. I was now faced with a dilemma, do I just walk in like I used to or do I knock. I decided knocking was the best idea, that way Jacob would have a warning if he didn't smell me coming, then he could hide from me if he so chose. I waited for the door to be answered. Nearly a minute later Billy answered the door with a big smile on his face.

"Hey Bella, dropping the girls off for the day?" The joy in his voice at the prospect of spending the day with his granddaughters made me ignore the fact that I was doing this for Jacob though he didn't even have the balls to call me on the phone to ask right now.

"Yeah, I know I'm early but I figure you wouldn't mind an hour more with them. Do you want me to put them in the living room Billy?" I asked still on the porch.

"Sounds good to me." He rolled backwards to make room for me to enter. I walked to the living room, pulled the throw from the back of the couch and laid it out on the floor. I pulled the girls out of their carriers and set them on the blanket. Since I didn't feel like packing the play pen the blanket would work for the day. They weren't rolling around yet so no one had to worry about them rolling across the room.

I placed a pacifier in their mouths and set some of their toys near them. I stood and looked at Billy and my brilliant plan to have them on the floor seemed suddenly stupid. My eyes left him and looked down the hall to Jacob's room. Knowing he could be close but possibly refusing to come out made my heart physically ache and made my lungs struggle for air.

I turned back to Billy. "Um is it ok I left them on the floor or should I put them back in the carriers so their easier for you to get them if they begin to cry or what not?"

"No, where they are is fine, Rachel should be here soon to help." He supplied his eyes where mine had just been. Now I knew without a doubt he was in his room. Before I could react or respond Rachel came through the front door.

"Hey Bella, you're here early. How are my nieces this morning?" She seemed happy, the tension from last night, a distant memory for her.

"Their good I guess. I just feed them so they should be good on that front for several hours. I left you enough bottles for this afternoon's feedings as well as just before dinner. If they get hungry in between just give them a bottle of water. Right now Juliana is acting a bit off. When you feed her, if she drinks her bottle faster than Charlotte, be aware that she will spit it up when you burp her and she will have a really messy diaper not long after. If she does spit up, don't give her more milk but give her a bottle of water instead because she will have an empty stomach. I gave you an extra set of clothes and burping cloths so if she makes a mess you have something to change her into. You may have to bathe her if she makes too much of a mess." I sighed, I was really uncomfortable with leaving Juliana right now but Jacob needed this experience even if I didn't like it.

"I have an approximate schedule of when they should be fed and when they should take naps. They may not follow this but try to keep them on it as best you can. If you have any questions I should be at Charlie's. He did get me a cell but I don't know the number and I have no clue on how to find it. Any questions?" I know Jake could hear me, but if he had questions he was shit out of luck with getting an answer, because he was being a baby. Nope I'm not bitter at all.

"If I have any questions I'll give you a call." She said sitting down near the girls. The silence that followed was uncomfortable and I wanted to get out of here but the idea of leaving my babies made me freeze. I waited for what I didn't know till being uncomfortable outweighed anything else.

"Well, I'm going to go; I'll be back at about seven." I made my way to my girls, gave them a kiss on their delicate heads and walked out the front door where I stopped walking and sighed. If I hadn't stopped I wouldn't have heard it but I did and regretted it instantly; before I could make my way to the car something inside got my attention.

"There are my pups, aren't you two beautiful today." The unmistakable voice of Jacob came through the front door. I fought a sob until I was inside my car. I let a few tears fall and then I steeled myself and drove back to Charlie's.

I clambered into Charlie's trying to be numb but failing miserably. I hated this, this separation from him not only physically but emotionally. I felt like there was a grand canyon of emotional baggage to get through before we could even begin to live with one another. If I wasn't hurting him with the truth then he was hurting me any way he could. My soul ached for the man I made love to, the friend I told everything to and the wolf that made me feel safe and protected. Right now I was walking on egg shells with no end in sight.

I decided that I needed to stay busy to get my mind of everything. I finished the laundry I had left and then put the remainder of the clean items away. I decided I would feed whatever wolf was close by, as thanks for protecting me. I made Philly cheese steaks for them and then went outside the back door and yelled for someone to come. Three minutes later Collin came in the back door.

"Hey I thought you'd be hungry so I made you some lunch." I said as I pointed to the pile of sandwiches on the kitchen table. He got a gleam in his eye and then dived at the table to begin to devour his food. He ate quietly, not that he could speak with a mouth full of food. I ate my sandwich and then began to lightly clean the kitchen from its lunch mess. Once Collin was done he put the plate he used in the sink. I turned to him.

"Thanks B, food was great as always. I really missed you." He said, hugged me and then ran out the back door. I stood shocked for a few moments and then resumed cleaning.

I marched upstairs to take the shower I was unable to take this morning. I scrubbed my hair thoroughly and then gladly shaved since I didn't have a time limit. I made my way back to my room and realized I was going to have to do some rearranging to fit the play pen up here. I couldn't spend another night downstairs. The couch and recliner just weren't comfortable enough.

I spent the rest of the afternoon moving furniture, putting things away and then bringing the play pen upstairs. It was a tight fit but it would work until Embry and Seth brought the crib back. I couldn't wait to get a good night's sleep in my bed with my babies close by. Though the distance to the fridge would be a downside and might possibly wake Charlie I could live with that when I was snuggled warmly in my bed at night.

I made my way downstairs where I got started on dinner for me and Charlie. I still had two hours before I had to leave to go get the girls and I didn't want to be late. Even though I had distracted myself all day I couldn't ignore the worry that was ever present in my thoughts. Juliana being sick just made that worry so much worse. I decided that my enchiladas would be a good meal for me and Charlie so I got to work getting them ready. Once they were in I set the table just as he walked in the front door. He hung up his gun and made his way into the kitchen.

"Hey Bells, how was your day without the girls?"

"Good I kept busy so I didn't have to dwell too much on their absence but I can't wait until I can have them under the same roof as me." The unease I was in leaked into my voice.

"Well you'll have them back soon and everything will be okay." Charlie tried to reassure me.

We ate chatting idly about each other's days. Charlie was pleased that I rearranged my room so that someone didn't have to sleep downstairs. I told him of my worries about them waking him.

"Bella I lived through the times you woke up nightly and sometimes more screaming from nightmares and when you were a baby, I think I can live through this too." I winced at the reminder of my nights of screaming; knowing I was still having nightmares that scared me awake, just now I no longer woke screaming. I think it was a subconscious effort to make sure I didn't wake my children because of the nightmares, and then I'd get even less sleep than I already did.

The time finally came for me to head to La Push and I didn't leave even a minute late. I drove at a decent speed excited to see my girls. I pulled into the Black's drive and walked to the front door and knocked. To my surprise Paul answered the door with a scowl in place.

I pushed passed him, I didn't have the time nor the attention to care what crawled up his butt and died. He had always been colder to me than the others, even after imprinting on Rachel and her becoming one of my closest friends. He and I had a relationship of silent distance. I stayed away from him, he stayed away from me and when one annoyed the other we'd bit our tongues.

When I entered the living room panic set in when I didn't see the babies or their carriers. I looked around frantically for them, not finding any trace but the used bottles sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"You know it'd serve you right if he ran with them for a while right?"I heard Paul spew from behind me. If I thought I was panicking before I didn't know what panicking was.

"What are you talking about?" Trying in vain to keep my voice level.

"I mean it would serve you right if Jacob took the girls with him and went away somewhere where you couldn't find him and make you worry like he did when you were gone, when you put us all through the pain that was in his head." Paul said as he proudly sat on the couch, hands behind his head with a smug smile on his face. He knew he was getting to me and right now I didn't care, I just wanted to know where my babies were.

I don't know if it was the fact that today I didn't have any control of my emotions or if the panic made me not think clearly but what emitted from my mouth for the next several minutes made me want to retract my word vomit.

"You think he was the only one in pain, do you think I didn't suffer every day that I was away?" I asked him in a bitter voice.

"You suffer? You don't know how to suffer properly; when you suffer you make everyone else suffer along with you."

"Just because I wasn't here, just because I was the one who decided to leave doesn't mean that every day that I was gone, that they weren't some of the worst days of my life, because they were."

"You mean worse than your; 'I miss my leech so much I'm going to go jump off this cliff' days, yeah right."

"You don't know anything you pompous no good excuse for a dog." I bit out.

"Well you are a right bitch who doesn't deserve any of us to welcome you back with open arms after the shit you put Jacob, and everyone else through."

"You're right I don't deserve to be forgiven so easily, but don't for one fucking second think that what I've been through the past seven months has been shits and giggles on my end."

"What was it so hard to have a perfect little normal life while you were away." He replied sarcastically.

"Normal? What part about being nineteen and pregnant with twins of a seventeen year old werewolf is normal. What part of me having to run away because I was so fucking terrified that Jake would imprint and leave me alone that I ran over a day away so that when he did I wasn't around to see it."

"Imprinting, all this bull shit is about imprinting, are you fucking serious?"

"You have no right to judge me when it comes to imprinting, you have no clue what it is like not to be able to believe that the person you love will be there for you forever, no clue what it is like to fear that they will be ripped from you by a complete stranger. No clue what it is like to belong to someone but know without a doubt they don't belong to you. I am Jake's without doubt but it's painfully obvious he's not mine. You got your imprint, you don't ever have to worry that she'd leave you for any of the reasons I left. And she will never have to worry about you leaving her, about you falling in love with someone else. It's all hunky dory for you. Yeah you've seen it in Jake's head but you have no clue what it is like to fear something day in and day out that you know with absolute certainty will happen one day and when it does it will destroy the world you hold dear. So can your judgmental bull shit."

"Then for fucks sake why the hell did you sleep with him?"

"Because we were in love numb nuts."

"Oh I can see how much you loved him, leaving him alone to go out of his mind; you have no clue the kind of pain he was in while you were gone, no clue." He growled back.

"Your right I don't have any clue, except what he told me the other day, but you have no clue the kind of pain I went through while I was away either."

"What it was like to spend every day away from him knowing I was hurting him but to scared to come back; to physically ache for him, his arms, his smile, his warmth. I ached for him every day and every night. I didn't go one minute without thinking about him."

"Do you think it was easy being pregnant and being completely alone? Because it wasn't. All I wanted was him the first time I felt the babies kick, all I needed was him. When I first heard their heart beats every part of me cried in pain that he wasn't there, that I couldn't share it with him, with anyone. I was all alone in everything. I worked full time plus plenty of overtime to avoid being completely alone. I was in physical and emotional pain every fucking day I was away. I haven't had one single night of nightmare free sleep since the day I left. I have jumped awake in tears nearly every night. Nightmares of him being killed, of him imprinting, and of hundreds of other horrible images that will never leave me."

"I cried for hours the first time I saw my girls on the ultrasound, because I wanted with every molecule in me for him to be there to share it with me but I believed that I was doing what was best for everyone but me. Because I will never believe that Jacob's not best for me. Though I agree with the god's of imprinting, I'm not good enough for him, but that doesn't mean I wasn't torn up and destroyed to be away from him."

"You have no clue how absolutely terrifying it is to go into labor by yourself. The panic that grips every part of you and doesn't let go until you hold your child in your arms. You have no clue what it was like for me be by myself that day, when all I wanted was him. No clue what it was like to push the life I created with him out of my body and crave that he was there with me to comfort me, to calm my fears and tell me everything was going to be okay."

"You have no clue what it was like to finally have your child finally come into the world only to have your body dumped into the fathoms of the ocean when she didn't cry, or whimper, or make any sound letting me know she was ok. I was in the middle of active labor and I quit pushing, quit breathing and moving just waiting for my little girl to move, to breathe, and to cry. I needed her to do something because if she didn't I was going to go with her. For four minutes I didn't do anything, couldn't do anything. The doctors yelling at me, telling me I needed to push to get Charlotte out but I couldn't. I was terrified that if I pushed her out she'd be like her sister and as bad as it was, I couldn't comprehend losing both of them. I knew I was the reason Juliana wasn't breathing, I was the reason that she was dying. If I hadn't waited so long to go to the hospital, if I had found out sooner I was expecting, if I had done something different she would be crying her lungs out right now. I was frantic with terror. I prayed endlessly that she would suck in any air, just last a minute longer, and when another minute I would pray for another minute. Those four minutes were the longest of my life. Finally after four minutes and tons of work by the doctors did they get her breathing, did they keep her living. I was able to focus and deliver Charlotte two minutes after her sister's first breath and I prayed that she'd be fine."

"You don't know pain until you have to watch your child on a ventilator, breathing for them; you don't know torment until you hear the doctor tell you that because she was born with underdeveloped lungs and went so long without oxygen that she is at risk for a variable of problems down the line, several of which could kill her. You have no clue what it is like to wake up in the middle of the night waking up to the crib, checking to see if she is still breathing or to find out if you're going to find your daughter dead and lifeless in her crib. I fear whenever she sneezes or coughs. I am constantly afraid of losing her and then losing Jake forever in the process because we both know he won't survive the death of his child. How do you think he would have handled being in the delivery room when they were working to save her? He wouldn't and we both know it."

"So not only do I have to worry about coming into the room and finding my child dead I have to worry about a selfish egomaniacal bitch of a vampire that wants to kill me but maybe my children too."

"So get off your high horse and quit judging me because yes, leaving Jake left him in pain but it left me in pain too, and I've had to handle some things you couldn't even envision." I finally quit my rant, drained and I realized I was kneeling on the floor panting. Paul's eyes were as large as saucers and he just stared at me.

"Bella?" A pained whisper came from me. I jumped not expecting it. There in the entrance to the hallway was Rachel with tears running down her face. At first I couldn't figure out why she was crying. The realization that came sent ice through my veins. I just yelled my biggest secret to Paul, a wolf, who the next time he phased would let it all out, Jacob would find out. Something I did not want.

"Bella," She said again. I turned to her not knowing what to expect.

"Is that why when you're about to freak out or go through something difficult you cling to her? I've seen you do it more than once now, and is that why you're so freaked about her being sick right now?" I nodded.

"It helps to hold her close, to know she's really here and okay and yes it's why I worried right now because it could be something every baby gets or it's just something she's susceptible to because of her birth." My voice thick with unshed tears. I turn to Paul. Before I can say anything the front door slams.

"What the hell is going on here, I get a call from Rachel saying you and Bella are getting into a fight. Really Paul you haven't learned not to control your anger and Bella isn't breaking your hand twice in a fight with a wolf enough." Sam chastises.

"Thank god you're here Sam, I need you to do me a favor." I rush out.

"Are you two going to explain yourselves?"

"Will you do me the favor?"

"What is it?"

"I need you to Alpha order Paul not to tell anyone what he's heard nor to think about it when phased." I reply. Sam's eyes bug out.

"What, what the hell did you tell him that he can't think about it."

"Do it Sam, order me please, this isn't something you want in the pack mind." Paul says quietly.

Sam and Rachel gaped at him and I wanted to hug him. If I could keep this out of the pack mind then Jacob couldn't hate me for nearly killing his daughter. Sam remained quiet for a while just studying Paul.

"Paul I order you to not talk to anyone nor to even think about while phased, anything Bella mentioned this afternoon." Sam's Alpha timbre reverberating in the air. I blew out a relived sigh.

"You promise you won't mention anything either Rachel, please."

"Bella, he needs to know…"

"No he doesn't, he'll hate me; you promise you won't say anything."

"Fine, he won't get one word of anything, but if you ever get too overwhelmed with this you come to me okay." Rachel finally agreed.

I nodded. "Now where are my girls I want to go home."

"I just gave them a bath and redressed them, they're ready to go." She turned and walked down the hall.

"Will someone tell me what the hell is going on here, what the hell are you three going on about?" Sam asked annoyed.

"I'm sorry Sam but I can't tell you because you can't keep this from your thoughts and I don't want him to know."

"Bella and I just came to an understanding after lots of yelling. We're good now, Sam promise." Paul supplied.

Rachel walked back in the room with both carriers and diaper bag. I collected the dirty bottles and took the diaper bag from her. She set the carriers down and then hugged me. I was wishing she could just forget what she heard but I knew that wouldn't happen.

"Bella are you sure you're okay?" Sam asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, I just want to get home and get the girls to bed." I picked up the carriers and diaper bag and walked out the door calling goodbye over my shoulder.

I was glad when I made it home. I had pumped before I left so I knew I had enough milk for the night and tomorrow morning. I climbed the stairs with the carriers set the girls in the play pen and went to the bathroom to change for bed.

I slept fitfully I had shut the window before I went to bed so that the girls didn't get chilled the only problem was that I was burning hot and wanted desperately to have the window open. My dreams were of their usual horrible variety and along with waking up to feed and change the girls my sleep had serious awake portions in it. Thankfully I slept in longer than normal, figuring Charlie could defend for himself for breakfast.

With everything that had happened the last week, and it wasn't even over, I was hoping my life would slow down some. Considering Renee hadn't arrived yet, I knew that wasn't looking very likely.

A/N 2: So I'm really nervous about this chapter. Not only with the citrus but with her rant at Paul. Thank you everyone for giving me such great response with this story. It really does amaze me the number of people who read this each week. Thank you to everyone who reads, alerts, favorites and reviews this story. It means bunches to me. Please let me know what you think of this super long chapter, double the average size.

9


	11. When Darkness Takes Hold

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but my plot, and Bella's Jacob dreams.

Ch. 11

When Darkness Takes Hold

I woke Friday morning rested but not well. My emotional outburst on Paul left me feeling drained. My worries about Juliana and her sickness were suppressed for now. I forgot to ask Rachel if she had any trouble with the feedings but I didn't have one encounter last night. My hopes were lifted but still the nagging words of the doctor who was in charge of Juliana's case in California reverberated through my brain. She could get sick at any time and it could spread quickly. I was going to keep my eyes on her if there was any change.

Glancing at my alarm clock I realized I only had two hours until I had to leave for the Black's. Getting up and out of bed I tip toed to the playpen and seen both girls were wide awake. I went to my dresser and pulled out clothes to wear for the day and dressed. Thanking god that they had woken up quietly I picked them up, put them in their carriers and then grabbed their clothes for the day from their drawer. I walked down stairs and set the carriers in front of the couch. I took them out laid them out on the blanket that I had put down the previous day. I went into the kitchen and began to warm the bottles and returned to the living room to change their diapers and put them in their clothes for the day.

I fed both and then burped both. Juliana didn't have a reaction to her bottle and so I decided I'd play with the girls again this morning. Forty minutes before I had to leave I went upstairs and grabbed another outfit for each, so that if they made a mess they'd have clothes to wear. Then I went into the kitchen to pump. I placed four bottles in the diaper bag and the other three in the fridge. Once I double checked to make sure I had everything. I packed up the diaper bag, secured the girls, walked out the front door and locked it.

The drive down to the res. today was nearly as bad as yesterday but thankfully I wasn't assaulted with happy memories that only brought pain. There was still apprehension but this time it was fear that Rachel let slip what I went through while gone and I was going to have to face an irate Jacob. I was just glad that Paul had agreed to the Alpha order and he couldn't let anything slip. It still shocked me that he did that and willingly.

I pulled up and pointedly ignored the garage and the window at the back of the house that I knew was Jacob's. I was angry with him, I get that he was mad at me, furious even, but we were parents and we didn't have the right to be childish anymore. He was going to have to deal with me, and soon. I wasn't going to use intermediaries much longer. I get that I had much longer to get used to the idea of being a parent but, for someone used to a lot of responsibility he sure wasn't acting like it. Yes after yesterday's admissions I really didn't want to see him today, so if he wanted to play hide and seek in his bedroom until I left it was perfectly fine with me.

Today I knocked and immediately walked in. They knew I was coming and I wasn't early like yesterday. I noticed only Billy as I entered the living room. I stopped and looked around, I was a little nervous leaving them with Billy alone but if he was in his room like yesterday I'd have nothing to worry about. I pulled the blanket off the couch, placed it on the floor and put them down on it. I was going to ask Billy if someone was here but he interrupted me.

"Hey Bella, do you think you could stay till Rachel gets here, I'm the only one here and I'd feel better with an extra hand and I'm sure you'd feel better than to leave those two beauties alone with their grandpa." He smiled kindly; he must have seen my hesitation.

"Sure Billy." I said as I sat on the floor between my daughters and began to play with them. Their small smiles becoming bigger and I smiled along with them. It was weird that something as tiny, as insignificant as a smile would make my day, but it did. The beginnings of their toothless smiles melted my heart. And as much as I didn't want them to grow up too fast I couldn't wait for the day they giggled.

"Bella could you join me over here?" Billy asked as he motioned to the couch.

I got up hesitantly; I could see by the look in his eyes, this wasn't going to be some light banter to pass the time until Rachel came. I wondered if this was going to be the talk he insisted on the night I came back. I didn't want it to be but I was at the mercy of my family, and anything they wanted from me, I was going to give them, in order to heal the wound I inflicted.

"I know when you were telling Charlie and I about the reasons for your leaving, it seemed that you had more to say but couldn't, am I right to assume that some of your reasons were of the supernatural variety?"

I only nodded in response, I couldn't find my voice. The subject he wanted to discuss was just too painful at the moment especially with the latest dreams I had been experiencing. I was balancing a want for Jacob back and the need to keep myself separate from him emotionally to protect my very fragile heart. Even if every fiber of my being craved him and needed him to soothe the cockles our separation had created on my heart, the reality that he'd imprint made me want to push that need deep, deep down where I didn't have to feel it. I was becoming an enigma in my own head.

"Am I also right to assume that it was imprinting, or the fact that Jacob hadn't imprinted yet that led you to believe running was your best option?" Though his words could be conceived as chastisement, the tone wasn't, and he was just trying to understand.

"I really don't feel comfortable talking about this with him in the other room Billy."

"Well then lucks on your side because he's not here, it's just you, the babies and me."

"Just like yesterday?" I quipped back.

"Bella…" he began.

"Billy there's no need, he's your son, I'm just the girl that broke his heart, he's where your loyalties lie."

"Bella, my son is being an idiot and while I allowed it yesterday, I don't condone it. Now I'm trying to understand why you left and we're alone here to talk, I'm sorry if it hurt having him hide from you but that boy is stubborn as you know, and he's not the only one who is." He looked up at me and smirked

"I do feel sorry for you two though." He said.

"Why"

"As stubborn as you both are, it's going to be hell when your girls are older." He mock shuddered and then smiled broadly.

"Bella, he is my son and you hurt him, but as much as you try to hide it, to cover it up in apology I know, I can see that your time away wasn't easy. You are my family, Charlie is my brother in every way that counts; blood be damned. I want what's best for all of you, and I think you're as good for my son as he is for you."

"Billy please don't, I…if I…I can't." I was fighting the image, trying to keep it buried deep within me. Jacob hated me and I was now convinced there wasn't going to be an us, again. If I listened to what Billy said, if I gave it any consideration it was going to rip through me.

"Bella…God I told that kid he's acting stupid, but does he listen to his old man, no. I know your concerned with the whole imprint business but according to all our records it's rare, he may not need to imprint or able to. Are you willing to give up on him just on the chance that he might, are you willing to give up the fight when if you just gave in you'd have the chance to be happy until the day the earth took you back."

"But he's Alpha, you have told me so many times, all Alpha's imprint, so how can you tell me that he might not, the chance for him is larger than it is for any other wolf." My voice was broken, I wanted to believe him so much but I'd survive better if I didn't.

"I don't know what to tell you other than it'll work out kid, I promise. There's no way you two can make such beautiful kids if it wasn't meant to be. Just give him some time kid, he's had a lot to wrap his head around the last few days, let it sink in a bit."

"I want to Billy, but…I just…god this is so frustrating and what he did yesterday really hurt and he…he hates me and doesn't trust me so I don't see how it's going to work out and I don't, can't get my hopes up."

Before he could respond Rachel walked through the door and froze when she looked at me, my saddened expression made her eyes narrow and turn towards her father.

"Drop it Rach, he didn't do anything." I said as I went to my girls and gave them both kisses. I could feel Billy's quirking eyebrows and piercing eyes behind me.

"Try to follow the same schedule as yesterday and I'll be back by seven, if you need me for anything I'm going to Emily's for a little while and then back home." I walked out the door, running from anything more Billy or Rachel had to say. I just didn't want to bring anything emotional up, I wanted to be alone but that would make me think and feel and I wanted a distraction, so Emily's it was.

I drove absentmindedly to Emily's trying to ignore the words Billy had said to me back at the house. What did it mean that even he didn't think imprinting would be a problem for me and Jake? Ugh, I couldn't even entertain that thought because the subject of that thought was so angry with me he was acting like a ten year old and hiding in his room to avoid me. This was too eerily similar to when he first became a wolf, but this time he had less help in avoiding me and he actually wanted me to come to La Push just not see me.

I pulled up at Emily's to see Quil sitting on the steps waiting for me. He gave me a quizzical look as I walked up to the house. As I got ready to ascend the stairs he stood and reached out to grab my wrist. I stopped and looked at him.

"I'm sorry for spying on you for Jake." He said sadly.

"Its fine Quil, he's just being a child right now and he knows how to use the pack and his family to spy; just don't do it again, if he wants you to spy tell me first." He nodded and released me. Just before I got to the door, I noticed Leah coming out, while this didn't shock me seeing the black eye, swollen lip and large partially healed cut that ran from shoulder did. I gasped and she glared and quickly brushed past me. Before I could ask Quil interrupted.

"Jake heard what she said about you and the girls Tuesday night and he got back at her, it was amazing." He supplied happily. I know I shouldn't have been happy that they fought but I was glad she got punished for bashing my children. I walked inside with Quil behind me. The smells coming from the stove told me Emily was in full lunch preparation mode. I smiled; helping with lunch would be the perfect distraction.

I walked to the sink, washed up and began helping wordlessly. We fell into a silent rhythm we had learned last year. She did one thing, I another, when it came time to move, we flowed around another without bumping, tripping or hitting the other.

Once lunch was set on the table the pack descended, it was like the bowls hitting the table was the dinner bell. Everyone ate gleefully. I noticed three missing, Paul, Leah and Jacob. The latter didn't surprise me and I guessed that the other two were on patrol. I had seen at least one pack member daily since my return and there was still no mention of Victoria. I knew better than to hope she'd take a while to find me considering it took her six months to find me the first time I disappeared.

After lunch was cleaned up I decided it was a good time to ask one of the boys to help me learn how to use my new phone. I wasn't looking forward to this conversation.

"So…umm…I was wondering…" The whole room stopped and turned their attention to me. Cue the blush. "Charlie gave me a cell phone and I have no clue how to use it, so umm…could one of you help me?" Silence, eerie silence descended on the kitchen.

"What, Bella Swan, adult teenager, the woman good with weird doesn't know how to work a cell phone, what are you fifty?" Quil yelled out in mock horror, laughing and the whole room broke out with him.

"Ha ha Quil, ass," I turned from him and turned to Brady, I knew he was the techie other than Embry, "Hey Brady, do you want to help me?" I asked batting my lashes and trying to give him my puppy dog eyes.

"That's evil B; you know none of us can say no to those eyes." He groaned out. I smiled smugly; I did know that, it was something I found out last summer just before I ended up breaking my hand on Quil's face.

I moved to his side of the table, pulled out the phone and handed it to him. He picked it up opened it, and with some of the quickest fingers I've ever seen on a non-vampire began going through the phone. I waited patiently for several minutes.

Once he was done he turned to me and spent the next thirty to forty minutes explaining everything on my phone, he even programmed the number for all the pack and the imprints. He showed me how to text and put T-9 in to place (whatever that was) so it would be easier for me. Once that was done most of the pack cleared out and I followed Emily into the living room to talk.

I sat on the couch with my feet tucked under my leg facing Emily. She brought up the restaurant/café idea and asked if I was interested or if I thought about it some more. I agreed that it would be ideal. We talked about our dream place, what we wanted to serve, what type of place we'd have. We spent at least an hour dreaming about what our future could be like if we could get this place out of our heads, on to paper and into reality. Even though it wasn't real, the future it offered, the relaxed hours, the ability to watch my girls grow up and not have them in a daycare was my wildest dreams come true. Talking about it was making the idea seem more possible and less fantasy and it made me want to try that much harder to make it reality.

"Hey Bella do you want to eat dinner with us tonight, and of course Charlie is invited as well?" Emily asks.

"Umm…well, maybe but I have to pick the girls up at seven." I was hesitant to answer, with the things the way they were between Jacob and I, it might be weird if we were forced into the same room right now, especially without his knowledge.

"He won't be here Bella, he rarely comes over." She informed me sadly and guilt bubbled up in me, I had unintentionally divided him from his friends and pack. I hated this; I just wanted everything to go back to normal.

"I'm sorry." I really didn't know what to say.

"Don't be, it's his decision, you came back apologized to everyone, he's the one that is choosing to avoid you and everyone else, unless they can get them what he wants. Bella I'm not, nor is anyone else going to give up my friendship with you because he is being an ass."

"I'll come to dinner, but I have to go back to Charlie's to pump, is there anything you want me to help you with, I could make something?" Not wanting her to do all the work, she spends most of her time cooking for the majority of the wolves and I like to help her when I can, to alleviate some of her work load.

"Yeah, you could make your apple crumble that everyone loves." She smiled happily. I agreed and quickly left so that I could go to the store and get the ingredients needed. I had about four hours until I needed to get back to the res. to pick up the girls and then go eat at Emily's.

I decided to pump first because I was feeling full and I didn't want to cook when I felt uncomfortable. I was getting a little worried; the girls were eating more in a day now than they were even a week previous. If they kept this up I wasn't going to be able to feed them on my own because I wasn't producing anymore. I guess it was another thing I was going to have to bring up at the doctor's appointment.

Once I was finished pumping I cleaned up and began making several pans of my apple crumble. Two for the wolves and one for Charlie, Emily and I, I was glad I knew the recipe by heart so I could go through it quickly. Once they were in the oven I went to the phone to call Charlie.

"Forks Police Department, this is Molly, how may I direct your call." The receptionist said.

"Yeah, this is Bella Swan, could I please speak with the Chief."

"Oh hey Bella, sure I'll patch him right through, he sure is happy to have you back."

"I'm sure he is." I replied uncomfortably waiting for the sound of her transferring the call.

"What can I do for you Bells? Is everything okay?" Charlie asked worriedly.

"I'm fine Dad, Emily invited us for dinner at her place, I made my apple crumble for dessert, are you free to go or did you have plans?"

"Oh that sounds good, it's been a while since I've had her cooking and your apple crumble, I'll gladly go down there for dinner. And I'll be home in about an hour." He sounded happy enough.

"Okay dad, see you then, we'll leave about six thirty so that we can pick up the girls before we eat."

"Sounds good, bye Bells."

"Bye Dad." And I hung up.

I began cleaning the kitchen up from my apple crumble marathon. I had just finished the dishes and was going to put them away when the phone rang. I dropped the towel on the counter and went to answer.

"Hello Swan residence."

"Bella" I heard his voice and the frantic tone to it but I couldn't register that he was calling me.

"Jake?" I squeaked out.

"Bella, ah, Juliana started crying about a half hour ago and I can't get her to stop, I've tried to feed her, I've changed her, burped her and even rocked her and she won't stop, I don't know what to do and now Charlotte's crying too. Billy isn't here and Rachel and I have no clue how to get her to stop can you please come." His voice was pleading, but worry and fear were also there. I could hear Juliana and Charlotte's wails in the background. What he said about Juliana felt like a stab in the gut. What I had feared must be true and she was sick and uncomfortable. I needed to keep a lid on my panic so that I could safely make it to the house.

"I'm on my way, just keep rocking her and have Rachel take Charlotte out of the room to calm her down. I should be there in twenty to twenty five minutes. Try to keep calm, if you're panicky then she won't be able to calm down, she can feel your emotions Jacob." I tried to sound firm to cover of the utter terror I was feeling, if I couldn't calm her down quickly or figure out why she was crying I was going to run her to the emergency room right away, not caring if Jacob found out the truth.

I hung up without waiting for his response. I pulled the crumbles from the oven, shut it off and wrote a quick note telling Charlie to bring them with him when he left. I told him I was leaving early to help Emily. I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily so if she calmed once I was there then I would go to Emily's and if I had to go to the hospital then I would call him.

I grabbed my purse and keys and ran out to my car. It had begun to rain lightly, so speeding wouldn't be an option for me. I made my way carefully out of town to the La Push turn off. I tried to stay calm to focus on the road but my mind wasn't with me it was in the living room of the Black's house with my little girl. I couldn't watch her suffer. It was my fault she was sick like this. If I had taken the pregnancy tests when I first experienced nausea around Thanksgiving then I would have gotten pre natal vitamins sooner or if I had gone into the hospital when I was experiencing early labor, maybe they would have seen that she had underdeveloped lungs and given me the medicine needed to help her. I was in a barrage of what if's.

I noticed someone walking on the side of the road up ahead of me. The man's clothes were covered in mud from the knees down and his clothes were soaked through. He was walking in the direction of La Push and because of the rain he must not have heard me. He was going to freeze to death before he ever reached civilization. I pulled up behind him; I was headed in the same direction I was and I wasn't going to leave someone in need alone on the road. I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and got out of the car.

"Sir," I yelled out to him, trying to get his attention.

"Sir, do you need help; a ride?" I yelled to him again and he stilled.

The moment he stopped walking I knew I had made a mistake, a big mistake. When the man stopped in front of me he didn't twitch, it was like he had become a statue. It was something I hadn't seen much, and I hadn't seen it in nearly two years. My heart raced but the blood in me ran cold. I was the most afraid I had been since the ballet studio in Phoenix.

The man before me was a vampire and I was alone. I knew that I couldn't make it back to my car before he caught up to me. I needed to stall him until the wolves caught his scent. Hopefully it was before he could get to me.

He turned slowly. The shirt he wore had stains on it that I could only assume to be blood. His jeans were tattered and well worn; he had probably been outside for a long period of time. I noticed now that he wasn't wearing shoes, which should have been the first indication that he wasn't human. No one could have walked on the side of the road without shoes. His eyes stood out to me, they were dark red; they reminded me eerily of Laurent's the day in the meadow. I was even more unlucky, he was hungry for me. He looked to be in his late teens early twenties, not much older than me. When I took all of him in, the whole picture I knew who was standing in front of me. I had seen his face many times in the news. It was surreal seeing him as a vampire when I was used to his human face and expressions. It sent a shiver down my spine to see the change. He was the first person I had ever seen both before and after the change.

He took a deep breath in his nostrils flaring, and a smile formed on his face that made my shivers turn into tremors. Neither of us had moved but I felt my time slipping away between my fingers. His maniacal grin didn't leave. I wanted to survive with everything that was in me, for my girls, for Jake, my parents, my friends, but I wasn't. My girls weren't ever going to know me and I was never going to know them. Jake and the wolves would blame themselves for my death and anyone who wasn't in on the secret would wonder how I really died. I idly wondered what story the wolves would have to come up to explain my death. I was lost in the stories they could tell when he spoke.

"Really Bella, you made finding you so easy. Victoria will be so pleased with me." He said joyfully. I wanted to vomit.

"I didn't know you were looking for me Riley." I said around the lump of fear in my throat.

"I had been searching for you in Northern California for the past week when I received a cheerful call from Victoria telling me two wolves had shown up at your apartment yesterday morning. It didn't take her long to deduce that you had returned to your little den. It made finding you so much easier this time around. I left immediately to grab you for her, before the mangy mutts could stop me, but pulling over and helping me, Bella I was told you had more sense than that." His tone was cheerful and belied his intentions for me. The only tiny shred of hope in me at the moment was the words Laurent had spoken so long ago. Victoria didn't want me to just die; she wanted to torture me, make me suffer and she wanted to do it herself. So I wasn't going to die today, but I would be taken. That gave the wolves a little bit of time to find me and stop Riley before Victoria returned.

"It was so much easier to get to you this time around and no nasty fight to worry about either."

"This time around?" I asked but I had a clue what he was talking about, with him missing for as long as he has, a shiver ran through me.

"My dear Victoria and I barely made it to safety last year when those disturbing beasts destroyed our progeny." So it was him that escaped last year, the realization that he had survived the attack scared me, they both had gotten close to me, more than once, when I was under heavy guard by the wolves and I stupidly gave myself to him. I was going to die. I closed my eyes slowly and the image of Jacob holding his girls and the awe I saw spread across his face flashed. I kept thinking of the love I felt for those three, and that I may never get tell them.

I started backing slowly away from him, not to really get away but to just waste more time, the wolves should have caught his scent already and hopefully would be on their way here.

Backing away was futile; spending all the time I did with the Cullen's taught me that, the incident with Laurent in the meadow ironed that into me. He could hear my heart beat increasing, the shortness of the breaths leaving my lungs as the air struggled to pass the lump of fear stuck in my throat. He could smell my fear as it left the pours in my skin and hear the bits of gravel under my shoes as I shifted my weight.

He smiled more widely for a moment and then quickly raced up close to me. I was within reaching distance to my car but he was now close enough to touch. I could feel his unnecessary breaths through the rain. The sweet scent flooded my senses and my heart rate increased along with my fear. I was afraid of what he was going to do to me. The only good I seen in this is that once Victoria got what she wanted my girls would be safe.

He raised his right hand and he ran the back of his finger along my cheek. Images of Edward doing that outside Forks High gym ran through my mind; Riley's actions not of love but torture. He wanted me to cry to beg, anything then the cooled reaction he was getting, a reaction I wasn't going to give. Neither he nor Victoria would get me to cry out. I would never give them that satisfaction.

"Oh Victoria will be so pleased with me when I bring you to her, I can just imagine the delicious things she has planned for you beautiful, beautiful Bella."

The finger left my cheek and ran down my neck to my shoulder, and then down my arm. Before he reached my wrist a fearsome growl sounded from the woods across the road, the wolves had arrived. The only problem, I was now in between the wolves and the vampire. I knew what he was going to do about a second before he did it. He was going to get me out of the way as a distraction, split the focus of the wolf or wolves.

Without much warning I was flying through the air from a blow to the chest delivered by Riley. I hit a tree behind me, fell to the ground and the world went black.

I woke, I believe not much later; my lungs were burning and struggling for every ounce of air they were receiving. My vision was cloudy and blurry. I blinked several times to try to clear it. Once my vision is clear I can see my car ahead of me thirty or forty feet away. I try to sit up to see more than the grass underneath me, but I am unable because my arm is broken. I can see the bone sticking through the skin. Thankfully the shock keeps me from feeling the pain. I fall back to the ground and hear growls and snarls above me.

I roll onto my unbroken arm still struggling for breath and see a silver wolf standing protectively over me, growling at something to my right. I follow Paul's gaze and see a silver wolf and a russet wolf attempting to corner the vampire who is now missing a hand. Seeing Jacob and Leah in a fight with a vampire sends more panic through my pain riddled body. I'm scared and in pain and I just want Jacob to come and wrap me in his arms and make it all go away.

Soon my inability to get adequate breaths causes the edges of my vision to blacken and the pain in my arm comes in hot sparks and I give in to the unconsciousness that is fighting with me.

* * *

I open my eyes and I'm standing in the Black's kitchen staring out at the front yard. I see Embry and Quil playing with two little girls with their long curly inky black hair pulled back with barrettes on each side of their head and frilly purple sundresses. They are giggling madly and try to run free of their uncles. Unnoticed by the girls Seth comes up from behind and picks up one of the girls and gives her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Once he sets her down he whispers something in her ear and she stops, looks up and waves happily at me.

I look down and continue washing the lunch dishes with a smile on my face; it feels so good to see them so happy. I sense him before I feel, hear, or smell him. He quietly walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me. His hands land on the very prominent bump that is my abdomen. As he rubs soothing circles just above my belly button he leans over and lays warm open mouth kisses to my neck. I tilt my head to the side to give him more room and then moan my appreciation to the attention he is giving.

"How is our little boy and his mother this afternoon?" Jacob asks skimming his nose up my neck until his mouth is near my ear. He pulls the lobe into his mouth and gently nips at it. Another moan escapes before I can answer. I drop what I'm washing, and turn in his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck as he drops his hands to my behind to pull me closer, as close as my belly will allow.

"He's found that my kidneys are fun little punching bags and my bladder is just as fun to kick." I say as a lay a kiss at the base of his neck, the highest point I can reach at the moment.

"I'm sorry honey; I wish this was easier on you."

"Quit that, were almost done and then we will have an amazing little boy in our arms, and he is much easier than the girls were, it's just he has more room to move around then they did and he's taking advantage of it. It's not that bad." He places a sweet and sensuous kiss to my lips.

"While the girls are being occupied by the stooges how about we go back to our bedroom and spend some quality time together." Trying to emphasize his point he nips at my collarbone and then works back up my neck again, I nod my head and he leads me back to our room.

He lays me gently down on the bed where he slowly undresses me. He lays kisses on every piece of skin he reveals and works me to an unstable state of stimulation. He quickly undresses himself and then slowly makes love to me. He shows me his love and devotion to me by bringing me to the edge again and again in a slow burn that eats at all my nerves and leaves me in a heightened state of bliss where I feel light and airy all the ways to the tips of my toes and fingers. He moves with me and against me until I cry out in satisfaction murmuring his name in my incoherency.

We finish and he pulls my back to his chest wraps his arms around me and again rests his hands on my abdomen. He rubs small soothing circles on my belly above our son until I am lulled into a simple dreamless sleep wrapped in his arms feeling warm and content.

* * *

I am slowly waking up and my entire body hurts. My brain is fuzzy and my mouth desert dry. A beep, beep, beep is permeating my senses. At first I don't know what it is I am hearing but my clumsy self soon recognizes the sound as a heart monitor. Suddenly everything that happened comes back to me. Riley, pain and wolves, I am in the hospital. The next thing I realize is that I am hot, a hot I haven't been since December. It envelopes me and brings about a state of bliss I can barely contain.

I haven't opened my eyes nor moved a single muscle afraid that if I do the feeling I felt at the end of my dream will disappear along with the heat. A delicious heat, it brings about an understanding that until this moment I had felt cold, except for those few times this past week I had awaken sweating. A large warm hand began running circles on my stomach before I could think on the events of the week. Another hand placed on my hip pulled me closer to the body wrapped around me.

I knew who it was but I didn't want to believe it, he had avoided me and now he was holding me exactly how I craved. The fact that he was holding me almost exactly how he had held me in my dream unnerved me.

His hands continued their circuit on my stomach inching higher and lower at each pass; still I hadn't moved to acknowledge he was there. I was too afraid if I did; he'd pull away and disappear. I began assessing myself; I was laying on my right side and my left arm felt heavy. Then I remembered that it was my left arm was the one that was broken, it was the cast that weighed my arm down. Jake's arms were wrapped around me and our legs were entwined together. Every part of my back was touching every part of his front. I listened and I heard heavy inhales of breath and then felt his nose run the width of my neck. Slowly and lightly he grazed my neck with the tip of his nose. Back and forth as he inhaled every so often then after every couple of passes he would place a small chaste peck.

I could no longer contain my movement or reactions to his ministrations. After he placed another kiss I shuddered and tears began falling. He was here, he was holding me. The wish I had made in the grass outside of La Push came true. The horror of what I had been through was replaced by the elation that I was once again in his arms. I couldn't contain the happy tears that were falling nor the sniffles I was emitting to keep them in. Jacob place another kiss at the base of my neck this time open mouthed. He didn't resume his actions but began laying kisses up and down my neck.

"Jake," I called out not sure if I was asking what he was doing or crying out in agreement of it.

"Bells," He rasped out, voice thick with emotion as he pulled me tighter.

I no longer wanted him at my back; I began trying to slowly turn onto my back. It was difficult with him holding me so tight and the pain that filled my body. I squeezed my eyes tight and bit my lip to keep the tears and whimpers that wanted to escape back. As I turned Jake loosened his hold but didn't quit his actions, just the placement of the kisses moved.

When I made it to my back I felt him put his weight on his elbow and begin to hover over me. He trailed kisses and now licks up my neck to just below my ear and then traveled back down to my collar bone. My good arm shot up to his hair and I slowly moved my cast hand as well, running my fingers through his short inky locks. My mind was racing, my body responding and the fact that I was in the hospital where a nurse could walk in at any moment was not of any importance. He began nuzzling his way down my body, his hands running up and down my arms when he reached the valley of my very sensitive breasts he stopped all actions and froze above me.

No sound was made beyond our breathing and the noise of the monitor. I continued to run my fingers along his scalp and waited for him. Soon I felt why he had stopped. My hospital gown became warm and wet with the tears he was silently shedding over me and my heart broke. Though the room was dark as was outside I could see him above me, his body began to shake as his tears became cries.

"Jake? Baby?" My voice cracked.

"Oh god Bella, I thought…I thought," he cleared his throat, "I thought I was going to lose you." His voice broke and he cried some more.

"Hey, I'm alright, I'm here." I tried to console though I knew it was pointless, I too thought I was going to die at Riley's hand.

"When I saw you pass out while fighting that bloodsucker, I nearly lost it Bells. You were barely breathing and we had to wait for the ambulance. I was so scared."

"What…what happened, with the vampire and…and after?" He didn't move from his position on my chest but he began running his right hand up and down my left arm, to the top of my shoulder back down to the top of my cast.

"After you passed out, I lost focus and he got away but not with his hand; um then Paul, Leah and I phased back. I stayed by you to make sure you stayed breathing, not long after Sam came in his car. Sam, Jared, Paul and Leah moved your car to look like you drove off the road. We needed a way to explain your injuries so they made your car look like it was in an accident."

"You wrecked my car?" I whined. He chuckled.

"It's not too bad; I made sure they did it so that I could fix it later."

"What about after that?" I asked.

"After that Paul, Leah and Jared left and went on patrol in search of the bloodsucker while Sam and I waited. I don't really remember much of the ambulance ride or what they were saying; they were hooking you up to all these machines and then once we got to the hospital they took you from me and made me wait."

"Your dad came then and he laid into me…"

"For what, this wasn't your fault?"

"I think he was waiting to lay into me for awhile. He yelled about how if I had come to your house to spend the day with the girls you wouldn't have gone off the road, he laid into me about knocking you up. If I had thought ahead and used protection we wouldn't be in this situation and you wouldn't have left. He's so angry with me Bells that he banned me from your room."

"What, why…how are you here then?" I was confused and angry; Charlie had no right in keeping Jacob from me or me from him, even if he believed himself right, I also wondered how Jacob was here if he was banned.

"It's the middle of the night Bells, no one was around to stop me, I snuck in."

"Where are the girls, how's Juliana?" Worried about where they were.

"Charlie has them; once you got out of surgery he took them from Rachel and returned home. He won't let me see them either and Juliana is fine Rachel got her calmed down not long after I got to the hospital." He finished sadly.

"What that's not right they are your children too…wait surgery?"

"Um yeah, they had to do surgery on your arm to reset it and put some plate on it or some shit like that. And I know they are my children he just needs to feel in control right now and that's how he's doing it. It's only been a few days and I've been more worried about…"

"What do you mean a couple days Jake, you had them this afternoon?"

"Bella it's Monday morning you've been unconscious for two and a half days." He said sadly he began nuzzling my chest again.

"I've been so stupid Bells; I was so angry and hurt Monday night that I decided to punish you with my absence. I knew you'd hate that, you'd gladly choose me yelling at you for hours, over completely ignoring you, but I couldn't stay away and it was killing me just to try."

"Is that why you've been sneaking into my room at night and lying next to me?" I asked lightly, he laughed lightly in response.

"I don't know what you're talking about."He said as he began laying hot, wet open mouth kisses back up my throat, nipping gently here and there.

"Are you trying to distract me?" I asked as I closed my eyes as I became distracted.

"Would it be so bad if I did because I know what you were dreaming about and the way you smell is very distracting to me right now?" What he said finally dawned on me and I was mortified and turned on because his kisses weren't allowing me to cool off.

"So why were you…um…why did you…climb into my room at night."

"How'd you figure it out?" He asked as he bit then sucked on the one spot that would make me melt, my body burn and my mind blank instantly whenever he paid attention to it.

"I…um…I kept on waking up hot and…I hadn't been hot for months and…I was hot when I woke up…today and it…"I lost my ability to speak as he captured my lips. I knew he didn't answer my question but at the moment I didn't care. I gladly gave up the conversation because the only thing going through my brain was 'Jacob is kissing me, really kissing me.' He quickly took possession of my mouth and I let him. We could work out our problems later; right now Jacob was reclaiming me for him, for me and for each other. He was reinstating the claim on me to tell everyone else I was his and his alone.

The hand that wasn't supporting his weight off of me began caressing the back of my neck and then made its way down my good arm. Once it reached my wrist he moved it to my hip and started making its way up my torso. My breaths were becoming more and more ragged and just as he reached the underside of my breast he squeezed gently. I winced and drew in a sharp breath; it hurt and closed my eyes. He pulled back as soon as he realized I was in pain.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry honey…shit…crap I just…your scent and then I just needed to feel you to make sure you were real. God how stupid can I be your in the hospital for Christ's sake." He moved to lie on his side beside me, as I tried to calm my breaths, I figured I bruised my ribs. He helped me roll back to my side and then he pulled me back into his chest.

"It's okay Jake; I got just as lost as you did." I tried to sooth him.

"Bells, I knew better, so how about you try to get some sleep and we'll talk later okay?" His tone firmly ending the discussion.

"Jake I love you; I need you to know that, even with everything I've done was because I love you so much."

"I know Bells and I love you so much." His arms came around me again and he started the warm soothing circles on my abdomen and I quickly fell into a dreamless slumber with a smile on my face. I was back in Jacob's arms and I was never leaving again.

**A/N:** So sorry but this is going to be a long note. First I want to thank everyone for the response I received on the last chapter. I was incredibly nervous because of the intimate scene and also the confrontation with Paul is one of the first things I imagined when this story was forming in my mind. I loved everyone's reactions to what she said. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Some of them made me smile so much. I even had a threat of cold frog's legs if I killed a certain baby. I promise I won't kill Juliana. Your comments mean so very much to me, they keep me motivated to keep typing. Yes that chapter was an emotional one and this one ended on a very happy note.

Because the last four chapters were very long they have taken a lot out of me and also because I will be out of town this weekend (my main writing time) I will not be posting next week but I promise you will get a very good chapter in consolation in two weeks.

Love you bunches, and please let me know what you think.


	12. Impatiently Waiting

**Disclaimer:** I don't own, I just play in that world a little more than I should.

Ch. 12

Impatiently Waiting

I stirred awake as the light flitted through my hospital room window. I idly wondered the time before realizing I wasn't hot anymore. I turned to see what I'd known already, Jacob wasn't in the bed with me. I know I shouldn't have expected it considering he had snuck in and also him being banned, but I did. After last night, or this morning, I was so happy. Jake and I were back on our way to being an actual couple again and sure we had a werewolf pile of shit to sort out, but it would be easy because we'd do it together.

I tried to sit up, tried being the operative word, and failed miserably by only being able to rise up on my elbows. It then dawned on me that last night the only movement I'd attempted was rolling from my right side to my back and only with the help of Jacob was I able to get back to said right side. From my propped up prone position I looked at the cast on my left arm. Just where the cast ended on my hand I could see the top half of the scar left by James three years ago. I know knew I would have another scar thanks to Riley, this one being caused by whatever they put in my arm.

I didn't have much time to study myself before a middle aged nurse with long straight blonde hair braided behind her came into my room with a smile on her face when she seen I was awake.

"I see we finally woke up, how are you feeling sweetie?"

"Water?" I rasped out

She walked to the pitcher on the bedside table and poured me a small glass and handed it to me. I drank in down in two gulps but was thankfully feeling much better, the desert was now quenched but I knew I'd be thirsty very soon, at least now I could speak more clearly.

"I'm fine um but I was wondering if you could help me get to the bathroom, I uh tried to get up but my chest and back hurts too much to do it by myself." Normal Bella would have blushed at this but once you're lying prone on a bed with your legs spread for the world to see while you push out two babies, the things that made me blush were happily reduced. And asking for help to go pee, well I already did that in the days after the girls were born.

"Sure dear, it's understandable with the impact you took, but thankfully you're just bruised really bad, no broken bones there." She said as came to my side and helped me stand. Once I was stable on my feet she grabbed the pole that carried my IV, the IV that I hadn't last night, detached the heart monitor and walked next to me until I reached the bathroom. She positioned the IV near the toilet, did a double check that I could stand on my own and then left to give me privacy. Done with my business I used the hand rails to stand, washed my hands and the nurse came back in the room to help me back to bed. I couldn't stand straight with my back so sore so I took short steps to help alleviate the shooting pains running up and down my spine.

Seated back in bed comfortably with a mess of pillows propped up behind me the nurse, who I learned was named Sandy, left to continue her rounds and fetch a doctor. I absentmindedly flipped through the channels of the TV; I had never been so impatient in my life. I wanted out of the hospital and go home to my babies. I wanted to go work out everything with Jake and most importantly I wanted out of the hospital. For someone who has visited the hospital as much as me, I was a horrible patient, I never just wanted to just sit and do nothing.

About an hour after Sandy left, or 625 channel changes, the doctor finally came into my room. He stood silently and looked at my chart and I kindly held in the insults that were spewing through my mind about making me wait. He looked up at me smiled and then began explaining everything about my condition to me. I had a compound fracture on both my ulna and radius so they had to go in surgically and put a metal plate on both bones (that's going to make flying to see Renee all the more fun) so that they refused themselves properly. The upper half of my back was severely bruised from my shoulder blades down to about my kidneys, that's why I had had trouble breathing. He explained that I had a severe concussion and that was the reason I had been unconscious for so long. He then informed me I wasn't to drive for the next week, keep my activity low and stress free. I had to fight a snort that threatened to escape me on the last one; with a vampire intent on my death and a mess to clean up from my leaving I didn't know the meaning of stress free not to mention taking care of two babies. I was then informed I was going to be kept the day for observation and then released if all was fine tomorrow. At this I couldn't stop the glare that fell from my eyes at my annoyance. He left not long after and again I had to wait. This time I didn't even know what I was waiting for I was just waiting.

One thousand two hundred and forty-two channel changes later (I really wasn't watching anything, just flipping and stopping momentarily) the door to my room opened. I stopped my incessant channel surfing to see who it was. Sam and Paul walked in the room both had on their emotionless masks but their eyes gave them away. They were filled with worry and a bit of happiness.

"Hello Bella, how are you doing today? Jacob told us you woke up last night." Sam said from the foot of my bed, Paul moved to the arm chair against the wall of my room, he looked slightly uncomfortable.

"I'm fine Sam, just a little sore and annoyed that I'm trapped here for another day." Both he and Paul smirked at me and then Sam's face turned serious again, ah, the Alpha had now entered the room. I always found it odd when I could see the change Sam made from my friend to the Alpha; it always felt like the air shifted, like Sam left and the wolf took over. It took me a while to get used to seeing it and feeling it.

"What happened yesterday Bella?" Sam said his voice hard.

"Jake called me frantic because Juliana was crying nonstop and he couldn't calm her down which was upsetting Charlotte." Paul's eyes flashed to me, worry etched in them, I just dropped my gaze, he didn't know about that and I didn't want to talk about it.

"I rushed down to help him when I noticed a guy walking on the side of the road drenched from the rain. I got out offering him a ride to La Push. I know stupid, I didn't want to leave anyone out to die."

"Bella are you serious, you offered a ride to a stranger, you could have gotten yourself killed."

"I didn't know he was a vampire." I tried to defend myself, but even I knew it was a weak effort.

"Be that as it may, he could have decided to beat or rape you…"

"Sam I get that, believe me. I KNOW. But you have to understand, I saw someone in need on the side of the road. I am always in need, always having to be rescued and I can't help in any way. I just have to sit by and watch as others do things for me. I wanted to help someone, I know he was dangerous, but I was just trying to do some good."

"Okay, I know you hate being helpless, but understand this, when you support Emily, when you are there when we return from patrol, when you cook us food, or make us laugh, YOU help, you do some good. And what you pulled out on that road, if it had ended worse would have destroyed this pack. Jacob would have gone insane with grief-turned wolf for good or he would have tried to end himself, what good would that have done for your girls? Quil, Embry, Seth, the twins, me-all of us we wouldn't have handled it well. You mean so much to this pack, you may not be an imprint or a wolf but Bella you ARE a member of this pack, an integral part we can't lose." He had lost the Alpha tone near the beginning of the speech and his voice cracked with emotion. I was fighting the burning in my eyes, but it was a pointless effort as they ran down my face.

"He was talking to you when I arrived, what was he saying?" Paul asked breaking the emotional tension in the room.

"Um he said that he had been looking for me in California somewhere but when Victoria spotted Embry and Seth at my apartment, she knew I had returned and she sent him to come find me. He talked about the vampires you guys killed last year and that he was the one to escape with Victoria during their attack last summer. That's about it. Oh and I recognized him, you remember that kid about my age who disappeared about a year and half ago in Seattle, the one my dad was helping search for, it was him, he's a vampire." I didn't feel the need to share his joy on how Victoria would be pleased with the ability to torture me or the look he had when he said it, really it was kind of an understood psychopath's thought process.

"Shit, good thing I had Embry and Seth do some patrols on their way back up. I can't believe I didn't think that she could have stayed. Crap I'm so sorry Bella, if I hadn't sent them…, and he knows the area better too, and now we have to worry about her turning more locals, can this get any better." He sighed in agitation.

"Sam it's not your fault, she was always going to come back here, she just found out where I was sooner than even she was expecting. We're just going to have to deal."

"Speaking of dealing, the pack and I think it would be best if you and the girls moved to the res. That way we don't have you going back and forth between the two where it is hardest for us to watch and then we concentrate patrols a little more too."

"Not to um spoil those plans but considering Charlie isn't letting Jacob see the girls, or anyone by the sounds of it, do you really expect him to let me go after the 'accident'. He'll put a fight because he doesn't understand the need for me to be there. And where are we going to stay? There is no way Billy, Jacob, Rachel, me and the girls will all fit at the Black's and I don't know of anywhere else I can go. And what about Charlie, we can't just leave him in the house unprotected, I can't leave him, not to her, not to them." The unease at leaving my father in Forks while I'm safe in La Push scares me more than I want to admit.

"We will find a way to make it work, tomorrow when you get out how about you and the girls come to my place and we will all talk, Charlie included. Embry and Seth should be back by then."

"Where are we going to put all my stuff?" Cause even if I was staying at Charlie's there was no way it'd fit in his house.

"We'll figure it out tomorrow night. Now I have to get back, I'll see you soon and please get some rest, you're not going to get much once you're back with the pack." Sam said as he walked up to the side of the bed, gently wrapped his arms around me, and placed a chaste but firm kiss to my forehead. He let go, looked at Paul and walked out of the room.

I looked over to the man who had always been distant to me. We avoided on another as best we could with us being in love with siblings and Rachel being one of my closest friends. He always seemed to look at me distain and indifference but the look he now gave me was a look he'd never given me. It was incredibly unsettling and I didn't know how to approach him. It was as if when I went off on him I upended our previous relationship and now we were on new and shaky ground.

"Bella, I uh, I just want to apologize to you for the way I've treated you. I haven't been fair for a long time, I let my feelings from the beginning cloud my view of you and I refused to see or treat you differently. I am ashamed it took what you told me to realize you aren't the same girl I met last year, you aren't the same girl that dated a vampire." I just stared at him, I realized midway through his speech that my jaw was gaping at him and forcibly closed it.

"So, Bella I am sorry for treating you like the enemy or a bug on my shoe. You are a strong woman and a valued member of my pack. You are family to Jacob, Billy, and Rachel and to me. I want us to have a fresh start and get rid of all the bad blood between us." Shocked was an understatement, the Paul I knew and was familiar with was gone, he was being nice.

"I…uh, I accept your apology and I also apologize for saying those mean and hurtful things to you, you just happened to push the last button on my brain/mouth filter and I let loose. I really didn't mean what I was saying to you, I just think it was going to come out and you happen to be the person I let loose on."

"So…uh…what you said, is it as bad as you said it was, is she really…" I cut him off, while what a said to him at the Black's was safe from the pack mind, right now wasn't, everyone was going to be suspicious of his behavior and change in attitude not to mention this cryptic speech right now, I didn't need him saying something and it getting back to Jake. We were finally on better ground now and I believed that this might destroy that.

"Everything I said was true, and it is as bad as I said." The weight of that reality doesn't leave me and I think about it daily. It is a constant threat to my sanity. He looked up at me, squinted his eyes and then nodded his head in understanding.

"Ok, so is there anything I can do for you to help you out while you're in the hospital?" Could my day get any weirder?

"Um well, the girls have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, could you have Rachel meet me here tomorrow morning and help me take the girls to their appointment and then she can take me and the girls to La Push to meet with Sam and the pack?" I asked.

"Sure, that's all you want help with, isn't there anything else?"

"Well," I stretched the word out dramatically, "You could always speak to Charlie for me; get him to loosen up in regards to Jacob." He blanched and his eyes got wide. I've always found it funny that even though they're werewolves the entire pack seemed to have a fear coming under the wrath of Charlie.

"Okay then, I'll tell Rachel about the appointment and have her here in the morning. I'll leave you to rest so you can get out tomorrow. See you later Izzy." Paul smiles as he waves and walks out of the room.

I was alone again and actually feeling tired. You'd think being unconscious for two days and then sleeping most of the night I wouldn't be tired, but I was. It was mid morning but I decided to take a nap until a nurse came in or I received another visitor.

I don't know how long I was asleep but I woke up to a knock on my door. The opening door drew my gaze, first I seen a carrier followed by my ragged and very tired looking father, followed by the other carrier. He walked in the room smiling brightly at me. He placed the girls' carriers, one on the table by the arm chair Paul had occupied and one in the chair itself. I was so happy to see my girls after almost having myself taken from them. I was vibrating with excitement to hold them again. Charlie took one out, it was Juliana, and walked over to me. I sat up taller and tucked my leg in an Indian style so that I could lay her in my lap because I wasn't going to be able to hold her how I was used to. I was going to have a lot of difficulty with the girls now that I was down to one arm (stupid cast).

Charlie gently laid her in my lap, seeing what I was trying to do, smiled and turned to get Charlotte. I looked down at my little miracle but before I could take her in Charlie came up to me and placed Charlotte in my lap as well. I had now spent the longest amount of time away from them, even if I wasn't conscious, they had gone over two whole days without me. I now had both my angels in my presence and the weight of what had occurred truly hit.

My dropping them off at the Black's could have been the last time they'd have saw me. My two month old daughters would have lived their entire lives without me; my actions would have robbed them of their mother. They wouldn't have remembered me but would have always felt my absence. A pain I had never felt before settled over my heart. Looking at Riley, realizing he had once been a living person, whose family was still searching for him, but would never find, made me understand the decision I had made long ago as a love sick seventeen year old. Becoming a vampire, an immortal, I wasn't just going to spend forever with the family I loved so dearly, I would have had to give up my human family to do so. I had really decided that I could have left Charlie without me the way Riley's family was without him. I had always believed it cruel that Sarah was taken from Jacob when he was so young, before he could make an unmovable impression of who she was. He had vague memories of her; he said they were hazy and short. He didn't have much of what made him, who he was, because I knew without a doubt that Jacob Black wouldn't be as sweet as he is if it wasn't for Sarah Black. And yet Friday I had been willing to die, I had given up the fight against Riley before it began. I was willingly choosing to leave Charlie, Renee, the pack, Jacob and my girls without protest.

What kind of mother doesn't fight with everything that's in her to get back to her children? What kind of mother am I? The pain I felt earlier doubled and tripled from the weight the truth brought. I broke, and I cried as I looked at my daughters. I had fought so hard to take care of them, to keep Juliana healthy and alive, to get them back to the family they'd never known before; and yet I gave up the fight as soon as I was faced with danger. Ugh, I know logically that the threat to them would have vanished with my death, but the price they'd have paid because I was gone would have been worse than living under the protection of the pack, until they could take care of Victoria and Riley.

I frantically kissed every portion of their faces I could reach. I took deep breaths through my nose taking in their amazing baby scent. I hadn't screwed up enough to lose them. Through my tears I just stared at them, taking in the beauty that was my children. I traced their faces with my good hand, memorizing them the way they were today, they just stared back at me. I bent down to kiss their foreheads and whispered to them.

"I love you my beautiful angels, mommy is so sorry. She was stupid but she won't be stupid again. I promise I will always do everything I can to come back to you."

"Bells," Charlie's voice was thick as he spoke my name. I didn't turn to look up at him.

"Yeah Dad?"

"Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?" He demanded. His tone shocked me a little, I know he was upset, but about what I was a little out of the loop. I intended to talk to him about Jacob but not in a way that let him know Jake had come to see me.

"What are you talking about dad?"

"I'm talking about how when you were brought in Jacob acted like you were dying. I'm talking about how you're looking at your daughters like you were never going to see them again. I'm talking about how everyone is tiptoeing around me about what happened Friday. So please Bella, I've been walking on glass since the day you came back, there's stuff you're not telling me and it deals with that boy, come out with it and tell me what the hell is going on." He spat out clearly annoyed. I just stared at him. He was clearly more observant than I had ever believed before but he had drawn all the wrong conclusions. He believed that what I was hiding had something to do with the way Jacob had treated me, that he was the reason for my 'accident'. Not only that but he believed that I was trying to hide the fact I was afraid of Jacob physically, that Jacob was trying to harm me. I nearly laughed out loud at the thought; if there was one thing Jacob was unable to do, hurting was it, he wasn't programmed to do it.

"Dad," I started in a half chastising, half conciliatory tone, "this is Jacob you're talking about, you've known him his entire life. There isn't an evil bone in his body. He wouldn't nor could he hurt me like that. I don't know why everyone is acting the way they have been around you but Jacob wasn't, isn't the cause of the accident. I don't know what happened really, I can't remember much, so I can't tell you why they were acting like that. The doctor and nurse told me about my condition and the results of the accident but dad I'm not keeping anything from you, I've told you it all." I hoped he believed the last part because I had told him all I could, I couldn't tell him Jacob was afraid I would die when I came in because he seen me fly forty feet in the air from a blow to the chest landed by a vampire that wanted me dead, that he had watched, through the wolf mind as I struggled to breathe. Nope couldn't tell him what I was hiding.

Charlie gave a heavy sigh and looked up at me his eyes dark with unsaid emotion, emotion I'd probably never really understand because Charlie didn't share those things, he wasn't Jacob who I could read his eyes so well. He had dark circles rimming his eyes. He was exhausted and not just physically either. What had my hospitalization done to him while he struggled to take care of my daughters?

"Dad why do you have the girls, they were with Jake and Rachel before the accident." I knew from Jacob he'd gone down and taken them from Rachel.

"I thought he…and I've been so angry with him for what he did to you…I just couldn't leave your children with him, they should be at their home waiting for you."

"Has Jacob seen them since you took them from the Black's, has anyone?"

"No, he didn't deserve…"

"Dad, now you said you're angry at Jacob, for what I have no clue, but he's their father, if they couldn't be with me they should have been with him. Any issues that are between me and Jacob at the moment are just that, between me and Jacob. You don't have any right keeping his children from him or them from their family. Now I know you were trying to protect me, and I appreciate that, but dad he did nothing wrong."

"If that boy, if he hadn't got you in that condition then you wouldn't have left and you wouldn't be so torn up right now. You don't know what it was like seeing you like that on Monday Bells. I was scared I'd lose you again like with Edmund. Then he goes and ignores you this week."

"Dad, he didn't get me pregnant, we got me pregnant. I was the older one, the one who should have known better, but dad I love him and I couldn't see clearly. We are both responsible for that decision. I left, because I chose to, yes I did it for him, but we both know if he had had any choice in the matter I'd be Bella Black right now. You can't be mad at him for that choice, it was mine and I chose it because I was a scared teenage girl who suddenly had too much on her shoulders. Him avoiding me, he should do worse, I deserve it. I left him, without any explanation, I left all of you, but I left him while I was carrying his children. I took his children from him, I did what mom did to you, but I didn't tell him about them or where I was going. He has every reason to avoid seeing me and being angry but dad you can't keep him from his children when I'm the one who should be punished. He's done nothing wrong except treat me like I should be treated."

"Okay, you're right, it wasn't my place to keep him from his children; I of all people know how that feels. And I probably shouldn't have banned him from your room either."

"Dad." I whined like I didn't know this already.

"Just Bells, when I got the call about you coming in and this whole thing with you running, I've felt like have had control of nothing and I just wanted some control."

"Dad I understand but he's their father, I already made the mistake of keeping him from them. Dad I know your mad at him because of the babies but don't destroy the relationship you had with him before I came back, you're like his second father and he's the son you never had. I know neither of you want to lose that. And I'm an adult and it's up to me who is or isn't banned from my room."

"You're right, so we got all that out of the way how are you kiddo, you really did give us all a scare there?"

"Yeah sorry about that, um the doctor said if everything went fine today, then I could be out tomorrow, I can't drive for a week and have to keep myself stress free, other than that I'm a little sore but fine none the less."

"Okay, I'll get the girls ready tomorrow and then I'll help you check out and then I'll take you home where you'll relax…"

"Dad," I interrupted, "tomorrow the girls have a doctor's appointment and I have asked Rachel to come with me, and then after the appointment Emily and Sam have invited us to eat with them." I really didn't leave room for him to argue but I still knew he would.

"Do you really think that is a good idea Bella, you'll just be getting out of the hospital and I can take the girls to the doctor, are they sick?"

"Dad you don't know the girls medical history like I do, I know what questions to ask, and no they aren't sick, I just want them to get introduced and checked out by a pediatrician here and Sam is the one who found me, so I'd like to have a meal with them considering I won't be cooking much any time soon."

"How do you know Sam was the one to find you?" He asked.

"Oh um he came to see me this morning, asked how I was doing, told me about what he saw, invited me over for the meal." Planned my move to the res., but Charlie didn't need to know that yet.

"How've they been for you, dad?" I asked as I looked down at them. They looked so content in my lap, that I almost didn't even want them to leave, almost.

"Well we ran out of milk early Saturday morning so when I came in to see you, I asked the doctor what formula to get, since you're on pain medication you won't be able to breast feed for a while. They didn't like the formula at first so it made them a little bit fussy at feeding times. They still don't want to take the bottles right away but eventually give in and they haven't been sleeping the best either." While I knew they would have to be on formula for a while if not for the rest of the time they were on bottles, I still felt like a bad mom. The one job I could do that no one else could do, the one job that connected me to them so closely, was breast feed them and now I couldn't do that.

The door to my room opened bringing me out of my depressing thoughts, and in walked Sandy my nurse. She smiled cheerfully at me and then noticed the little bundles in my lap and her smile got bigger. She quickly took my vitals and then she blessedly removed my IV.

"So these are the babies your father has brought back and forth the last few days, I didn't get a chance to meet them before." She smiled as she looked at my daughters.

"Oh aren't they the most adorable little girls, they must look a lot like their father." She said happily.

"Yeah they're like his minis but they are unfortunate enough to have been cursed with my lips and my ears." I said with a smile on my face.

"No, I think they got your eyes and chin as well, and it makes them all the more beautiful because of it. You really did create beautiful girls; I bet you can't wait to get out of here so you can get home to them and their daddy." I smiled warmly at her while I pointedly ignored the small snort Charlie made when Sandy said 'daddy'. It was not going to be an easy road for Jacob and Charlie to get back to where they were before I left, and I didn't think pointing out how ecstatic Charlie was when he first learned that Jacob and I were dating would help any either.

"Thank you, no I can't wait to get home, I'm not used to just sitting in bed doing nothing, I haven't done that since they were born and I was just as happy then."

"So how old are they?"

"They'll be nine weeks on Tuesday."

"Well they must be smiling by now, I bet you love that."

"They just started and I do."

"Well it's getting close to lunch time, are you hungry?"

"Yeah a little, could my dad get some lunch as well, it's not really easy for him to get his own, with me unable to do much." She nodded, smiled at me, then Charlie and then walked out the door.

"She seems nice." Charlie commented. I nodded in agreement not looking up from my girls, trying to find the traits she said they had of mine. I always believed they had Jacob's eyes or at least Juliana did, but maybe because of whom she was named after as well as the fact I'd almost lost her that I'd seen Jake in her eyes, they are after all identical. Maybe I wanted to see Jake in their eyes because I couldn't see his.

"Bella are you sure your okay, you just seem so…oh I don't know?"

"Yeah dad I'm fine, sore but fine, I just wish that I didn't have this stupid cast on, it's going to make doing anything difficult for a while."

Sandy then came in the room pushing a cart with two trays. Charlie quickly moved to my side and picked up Charlotte and placed her in her carrier. He then grabbed Juliana as Sandy placed my tray on the table and moved it for me to eat and then she handed Charlie his tray. Charlie and I ate in pleasurable silence, me not really enjoying the meal but eating it none the less.

After we finished eating the girls started getting fussy and since he didn't have any formula with him he needed to leave to feed the girls. Only once he was out of the room did I feel the separation from my girls the most acutely I had ever felt before and I wanted to be home now more than ever.

I spent the rest of the day bored out of my mind, after spending months busy nearly every waking moment, I had no clue how to do nothing, no clue what to do with myself. I sat in the bed and continued my channel changing escapade but that quickly lost its appeal. I found a few shows, some on Food Network, a few on Discovery, that held my interest for the entirety of the programming but then I would quickly move on. The only thing I looked forward to was the checks by the nurses, Sandy's shift had ended earlier in the day, when they would check my vitals and with my continued positive progress, I would get out tomorrow morning. After dinner was brought to me I begrudgingly ate it and then I decided that I could go to bed early. I was tired and the thought of catching up on some sleep before I was on baby duty again was very appealing.

I awoke much later, but I was sure it was the middle of the night, the main lights of the hospital dimmed and there was no light coming in through the window in my room. I was once again surrounded by a delicious heat, one I now knew the reason behind and I couldn't stop the wide smile that broke across my face. Jacob was here.

"I know you're awake Bells." Jacob said with a smile in his voice as he placed a kiss to the back of my head. His arms were again wrapped around me, it was so familiar yet I had missed so much of it, it felt new again. This was the way we had slept from the beginning, both of us on our sides, him laying behind me and wrapped fully around me. I loved it.

"I missed you today." I was on my right side again; it was hard to lay on my left with the cast. I was running the fingers of my right hand up and down the part of his arm that I could reach while his right hand was making tiny delicious circles on my right hip.

"I missed you too honey, but I patrolled so that I could have tonight off to be with you. It wouldn't have done me any good to have been off and then not be able to see you and the girls."

"I spoke to Charlie, I told him to lay off you." He sighed and nuzzled my neck.

"You didn't need to do that Bells, he has every right to be angry, it is my fault you got hurt. If I hadn't been avoiding you then you wouldn't have been in Forks while I was in La Push, then you wouldn't have had to rush down there to help me with the girls and met up with that bleached out leech."

"No Jake, it's my fault I got hurt, I'm the one who pulled over to give a stranger a ride, who does that now a days. And ignoring me, you had every right to ignore me, I left you, yes at the time I believed I was doing the right thing, but I left you and if you weren't angry I'd have been worried. And you really didn't ignore me because you ended up with me most of the nights anyways. Not only that but even if you hadn't ignored, or avoided me the whole me in Forks and you with the girls in La Push could have happened anyway. None of this is your fault."

"But…"

"No buts, by the way, why did you come into my room at night, you never answered me last night?"

"Bells," Jake whined

"Why, please tell me, your actions during the day don't match up with the night, I'd like to know."

"It just after our argument…talk by the cliffs…I missed you when you were gone…so much…and Sunday night without you, I didn't like it. I didn't get to see the girls Monday so I snuck in the house to see them and then I went up to see you. It's like I couldn't not see you…so I cuddled up to you for a while, I lay with you like we used to and it felt so good to have you in my arms. I need you Bells, and I know the way I acted during the day negates that but, it was like this insane urge, I couldn't go a day without seeing you, being near you, so I snuck into your room after checking on our girls and I laid with you until you'd start to wake from a dream."

"So you came into my room at night because you need me and you want to be with me?"

"Yes." He said simply.

"So you don't hate me?"

"I never said I did, and no I don't hate you. Bells, honey, I am so in love with you. I need you and want you almost every moment of everyday. I intend not to spend another day without you ever again. I want you to be safe in my arms every night for the rest of my life. And I can't wait for you to get out of this bed and into mine so I can make love to you." He said as he began turning me and nipping at my neck and working his way down my throat.

As much as I really wanted him to continue, if he did, he wasn't going to get to make love to me in his bed because we'd be doing it in this bed and I really didn't want to run the risk of a nurse walking in on us. Not only that but we had some issues to work out before we started doing that again.

"Jake," I trying to protest his actions, he either didn't notice or didn't care. "Jake, stop, you can't…we can't. God please…" I lost all train of thought as he reached the spot where my neck and shoulder met and he pulled the skin into his mouth and sucked. My hips acted on instinct to meet his and I moaned loudly. He then quickly soothed the area with long laps of his tongue and I moaned again.

He was now hovering over me one hand threaded through my hair, with the arm holding him up over me and the other was trailing up my torso slowly to my chest. He wasn't squeezing like he had done the night before, now mindful of the bruised ribs, now he was ghosting his hand up my body making me flush with desire. He finally reached his desired destination and began giving my breasts his desired attention. He was turning me into a warm ball of goo. In the back of my mind I could hear the protest I had thought of earlier, the reasons we needed to stop but I had gone so long without him like this, they were fading quickly.

"God…Jacob please…," I tried one last time but the words never came as the hand that had been squeezing and massaging my breasts trailed its way down to the bottom of my hospital gown and gripped my thigh to move it and make room for him between my legs. I was opening up for him, making room for him to connect us once again. It felt so good.

"Please what Bells?" He groaned out, kissing his way up my neck, to my jaw, then to my mouth. I gave in to him willingly. I invited him in, and his tongue began to languidly stroke mine. The hand that was in my hair shifted my head for him to deepen the kiss further as he explored my mouth with his. The hand on my thigh began making trails up and down them, never quite reaching the apex, burning trails of exquisite heat following his fingers. I wanted him, I needed him, and I was willing to give myself to him. As he continued to kiss me and trail his warm, burning palm and fingers up the inside of my thigh my hips slowly rose to invite him to go higher. I was moaning and he would groan in response.

"Jake." I called out as his finger tips ghosted over my center and then retreated back down my other thigh. He broke our mouths apart and paid lavish attention to my jaw and throat again. I was panting and wanted nothing more than for him to take me.

"What Bells?" He asked again. He was now moving to remove my hospital gown and reason suddenly flooded me. I was in the hospital, we were about to…in the hospital where a nurse could walk in at any moment. As much as I wanted Jake, I didn't want him with an audience.

"Stop," I said boldly. "We have to stop." He groaned but it sounded more like a whine.

"I know, you just smell and feel so good. I want you so bad Bella, and right now you're driving me crazy."

"I want you just as badly Jake, but we can't, we're in the hospital and… God why do you have to be so hot."

"Oh, you just want my hot bod, is that it Bells." He said into the crook of my neck, I could feel and hear his smile.

"You know me; I'm all about your body Jacob."

"Ok, I quit, for now, but soon, very soon, there will be no stopping me."

"Promise?"

"Let's get some sleep honey; I heard you're getting out in the morning."

"So you talked to Sam then?"

"Yeah, he came to see me after he left here, told me about the meeting tomorrow night at his place. Having a meeting to try to convince Charlie to let you move down to the res., now that is a conversation I'm looking forward to." Sarcasm was heavy in his voice.

"Won't it be fun to convince my dad that I need to shack up with my baby daddy, and not make it sound all dirty?"

"Baby daddy, seriously Bells?"

"What you don't like?" I was fighting the smile, but the mirth in my voice couldn't be contained. He flipped onto his side to my left and helped me role back over onto me right and he quickly enveloped me into his arms again.

"Get some sleep honey, I'll see you at Sam's and then hopefully you will be in my arms again tomorrow night." He said and then placed a kiss on the back of my head again.

"Good night Jake, I love you."

"Good night honey, love you too."

I lay in the bed listening to the gentle breathing of Jake as he fell asleep. I followed him not long after. I slept peacefully enjoying the dreams of a future I now saw. Of Jake and I raising out girls and becoming the family I had never really known, but now craved. I saw my girls happy as their daddy and the little boy with Sarah's eyes and his daddy's smile but my curly unruly hair. I saw my future, and I had never wanted it more.

A/N: Can I just say that I am happy, amazed, thrilled and shocked. I can't believe that this story has broke two hundred reviews. You guys are all amazing. Special thanks to bellsnjake who was my two hundredth review. Thank you to everyone else who has reviewed this story, your words of encouragement keep me motivated to keep going. This chapter was tough for me. I am not one hundred percent happy with it but couldn't just go to what happens in the next chapter; I needed to have some of this stuff happen. Please let me know what you think, I really do appreciate any words you do have for me.


	13. A Tire Iron Will Have To Do

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it, nor do I own the characters.

**A/N:** So I'm a bad, bad person and this chapter took me forever to write and I'm very sorry. It is a very long chapter if that's any consolation.

Ch. 13

A Tire Iron Will Have To Do

I awoke the next morning in the hospital humming in anticipation of getting out of this bed and room. I got up and made my way to the bathroom, glad that I could now stand straight with no extensive pain. When I was finished with my business I decided to check out my bruises. I didn't have the strength to stand long enough yesterday to look at them so I hadn't. I removed the horrible hospital gown and looked at myself in the mirror. There was a long and somewhat wide bruise across my chest and it was nearly black, I assumed that was the bruise Riley left when he sent my flying away from him. I turned so that I could look at my back. That was where the worst of my bruises resided. I looked like I had painted my back black, blue and purple. The bruises ran together from the base of my neck to just above my waist. There wasn't a flesh colored piece of my skin visible and I couldn't even see my tattoo. I was going to look like an ogre when the bruises turned yellow and green.

I redressed and went back to my bed to wait for a nurse and then Rachel. I don't know what time she'd come by but I realized I was going to need help getting dressed. I also had a feeling I was going to need help getting dressed for a good while because the cast barely gave me use of my fingers and I couldn't bend my arm all that well either.

I knew I was no longer on pain killers administered by IV and I was starting to feel it in more than my arm. My boobs hurt, so bad. I'm surprised I hadn't noticed last night when Jake was kneading them, but then again I wasn't thinking all that clearly. I knew the doctors were going to keep me on some pain killer for a little while longer with my arm and that meant I couldn't breast feed the girls. I was going to have to ask the doctor today if it was advisable for me to continue pumping in hopes that I could feed them once I was off the meds or if I should just quit and let my milk dry up.

Sandy walked in the room smiling and carrying my breakfast on a tray. That was another thing I was going to be grateful for, no more hospital food. The thought of eating at Emily's later today had me almost excited but the thought of what was to come with that meal sobered the happy thoughts. I had no clue how I or hell even Sam was going to convince Charlie that it was better for me and the girls to move down to the res. without letting him in on anything that dealt with the supernatural. I don't think I could handle it if Charlie was to learn the truth. Him adding a heart attack to my long list of things to feel guilty for was not going to make me feel any better about all the times I've lied to him and all the times I will continue to lie to him.

Sandy took my vitals after setting the tray down on the table and added all the information to my chart.

"How are you this morning Bella, any pain?" She asked still writing on the chart.

"Um my arm is still sore, I don't really feel anything where the bruises are and my boobs hurt…sorry." I added the last bit about the boobs, it's just they really the only thing I could concentrate on.

"Well considering that Friday morning was probably the last time you pumped, I'm not surprised, I could recommend you pump when you get home and that would alleviate the pain but if you're going to quit breast feeding then it's just best to not do that and take your pain pills for both your arm and breasts." She turned and left the room and came back not ten seconds later with a tiny plastic cup in her hand.

"Here are your pain pills for the morning, when you're discharged they will give you a prescription for more, I'll go get the doctor to see if it's time for you to get out, I can see you want to get out of here as soon as possible." She handed me the two little blue pills and then left the room. I took the pills with my morning juice and ate the breakfast she had brought me.

When I was finished with the breakfast I looked at the clock and noted it was nine thirty. The appointment wasn't for another two and a half hours but I still had discharge papers to fill out and I wanted to take a shower. I hoped that Charlie or Rachel would think to bring clothes for me.

I again watched television, having nothing better to do while I waited for anyone to come into the room. Sandy returned to take my tray and then quickly left to tend to her other patients. I thought about what I had to accomplish today. I was going to have to figure out what had happened to Juliana last week with the doctor so that it either didn't happen again or find some way to treat it. I was going to have to find a way to convince Charlie that I needed to move to the res. when he had just gotten me back under his roof all without admitting the extreme threat I was under.

Finally the doctor walked into the room and looked over my chart; he asked me basic questions like how I was feeling, any lingering pain, any dizziness or spotty vision, excessive tiredness. I said no to all of the symptoms and he pronounced me well enough to go home as soon as my ride arrived and the discharge papers were signed.

Not long after the doctor walked out of the room Rachel walked in carrying both girls in their carriers, the diaper bag and a duffel bag as well. She smiled brightly and then placed the carriers in the same places Charlie had the previous day. She walked over to me carrying the duffel, placed it on the bed and pulled me into a hug.

"Hey Bells, glad to see your up and around. Don't scare us like that again, or I'll beat your ass."

"Sure, Sure." I smiled back because I knew she'd keep that promise.

"Okay so I grabbed you some clothes and your toiletries so that you could shower here, oh and I grabbed some towels too." She said as she motioned to the duffel on my bed.

I climbed out of bed and pulled the duffel towards me. I looked through everything and then picked it up and made my way to the bathroom. Once in there I studied the shower. It was a standard shower but that wasn't what worried me. I had no clue how I was going to wash my hair with one hand and how was I going to keep my casted arm dry. I walked back into the room my brows furrowed. I was going to have to ask for help showering. Now I know me and Rachel were close, but we weren't that close. I hadn't showered with anyone since, well that was a different matter; I hadn't needed help showering since I returned from Phoenix after the James incident and it had been Alice to help me. I blushed at both the thoughts of the question I had to ask and of the memory of the last time I showered with someone; I really didn't get very clean.

"Um Rachel, uh do you think that you could…I mean with the cast I can't really…god this is embarrassing." I muttered the last part.

"Spit it out Bella, what do you need?"

"With this stupid cast I can't really do much do you think that you could… you could help me clean up?"

"Is that all, I already figured I'd have to help you do that."

"Oh. What about the girls?"

"I figured we'd just bring them in with us." I nodded and went to pick up a carrier while Rachel picked up the other and we both walked into the bathroom.

Rachel helped me wash my hair and then dry off. I tried to ignore the gasps she made whenever her eyes landed on my chest or back. I tried to ignore the look in her eyes after she saw them but I couldn't. Seeing her react to them sent chills down my spine, I knew logically that Riley's attack could have ended me or paralyzed me, but it never settled in my brain. Other than the attack by James two and a half years ago I hadn't had to face a vampire. I hadn't had to face my own mortality. Yes I know I have been hunted by Victoria for more than a year but most of the time it doesn't' seem real just a thought. Sure she led an attack against the wolves last year, but I didn't have to face it, like they did. I haven't had to face the results of her hunt, until Riley. Now I can feel the guillotine over my head. I feel the threat and see it in Rachel's eyes and I almost choke on the reality of it.

I push down everything that comes with that reality and focus on today, this hour because I still have to live my life. I have to bring my daughters to their doctors' appointment. I have to go to Sam and Emily's to convince my protective father to let me out from under his roof when I just got back. I have to fix the problems in my relationship with Jake. I can feel myself getting stretched thinner and thinner. It wouldn't take much and I'll break, so I focus on the now and try to forget everything else to keep my sanity together.

I feel Rachel helping me get dressed and I cringe when she helps me secure the bra. My boobs feel like they are in the clutches of vice grips that are continuously being tightened and I just want relief. Not only that, but now that the bra is fastened I can feel the straps digging into my bruises and it makes the bra all the more uncomfortable. Once I'm dressed we leave the bathroom and I watch as she changes the girls' diapers and I'm filled with jealousy because I can't even change my children's diapers, with this stupid cast I'm useless and I hate it. I am starting to feel like the world's worst mother. I've done nothing but make bad decisions that have had negative effects on their lives. I kept them from their father, I nearly got Juliana killed at birth, I nearly got myself killed and now I can't even give them the most basic of care and worse I'll need help with myself now.

Before I could beat myself up further Sandy walked in with some papers. Setting them down on the table she stopped and smiled at my daughters who were cooing contentedly on the bed while Rachel played with their feet. Their smiling was getting stronger and I could hear the starts of laughs forming in their cooing. Oh how I ached to hear them laughing because I knew it would make everything right in my very messed up world.

"Hello Bella, here are your discharge papers and your prescription for your pain meds. I need you to fill out all the forms and then I'll get you a sling for your arm." She said as she handed me a pen. I dutifully filled out the forms and handed them back and watched as she walked out of the room. I put the prescription in the pocket of the diaper bag so that we could get it filled when we were done with the doctor's appointment.

With the papers filled out, my arm firmly in its sling and the babies secured in their carriers, Rachel and I walked to the clinic and waited for the doctor appointment to begin. The nerves I had fought in my hospital room were coming back. Now I was worrying about what was wrong with my daughter. My mind was racing with all the things that the doctor had warned me of when they told me days after her birth. Images of her slowly succumbing to any number of those illnesses raced through my emotional ravaged brain. I was so lost in those horrifying images I didn't hear us being called for the appointment. It took Rachel nudging me on the shoulder to bring me out of my stupor.

I nervously walked into the room. The nurse helped Rachel take the girls out of their carriers so that their stats could be taken. The clinic didn't have the girls' records but I knew a lot of what they were going to look at. The nurse took Charlotte first to be weighed.

"Okay, it looks like we have five pounds and fifteen ounces, almost six pounds, and twenty three inches long. Do you know what they were at birth? I'll mark it in pencil in their charts so that once their records come we can make it permanent." The young blond nurse asked me. I looked at her name tag and noticed her name was Corinne.

"Yeah, she was two pounds thirteen ounces and twenty inches long at birth." I informed Corinne and she marked it on her chart. We returned to the room, the nurse handed Rachel Charlotte and picked Juliana up.

"You my dear are five pounds even and twenty three inches long, now what were you when you were born?" She asked my happy daughter.

"She was two pounds and twenty inches." Again she marked it down in the chart.

We returned to the room and Corinne questioned me on why I had made the appointment. I told her all of Juliana's symptoms and everything I was told by her doctor after her birth about her conditions and everything she was at risk for. She wrote it all in the chart and left to send the doctor in. I sat in the chair and Rachel handed me Juliana. She gave me a look, seeming to know I needed to hold her to calm myself. I was worried and worried about her; the best thing for the both of us was for her to be in my arms. It was a little awkward at first to hold her with one arm but with a few little adjustments I was able to comfortably hold her. I inhaled her scent, it was all baby and all Juliana. She smelled of her baby shampoo, meaning Charlie had given them baths, and a hint of roses in morning dew.

Rachel and I sat in silence both of us just holding the girls and lost in our thoughts. What she was thinking I have no clue but her brows were furrowed as she stared at the floor and her hand was running nonsensical circles on Charlotte's back.

The doctor walked in carrying both charts he smiled and greeted the two of us. He took Charlotte from Rachel and placed her on the table against the wall in the middle of the room. He gave her the basic checkup and asked me several questions about her eating, sleeping, and diaper patterns. He said with the girls being two months old they were going to need some shots but overall Charlotte's growth since birth was exceptional for a preemie and that she was in the upper percentiles for height, though he wasn't surprised when he was informed that her father was 6'7".

He did the same thing for Juliana.

"Okay for both the girls, because of the size they were at birth and the complications of Juliana's delivery you shouldn't expect their weight, especially hers, to catch up to full term babies for a few more months. It seems their appetites are increasing so along with that so will their weight. Now explain to me what the problem was with Juliana that made you book the appointment."

I went into great detail explaining everything I had noticed with Juliana last week. About how she would suck the bottle down and then spit it up and then she would drink a bottle of water just fine. I told him about the messy diapers that followed and how she seemed fussier than normal but all of that only lasted a few days and then she was back to herself.

"So she only acted fussy during the times right after she spit up or after an especially messy diaper and it was only her? Was it only breast milk you were feeding them?" He asked.

"Yeah she only acted upset around the times when she ate and spit up the milk and yes it was only breast milk, they didn't start on formula until I had the accident and ended up in the hospital. Charlotte never acted like her sister."

"Okay so what I'm thinking is that Juliana had a reaction to your milk, like an allergic reaction, so her body acted quickly getting as much of the contaminant out resulting in her spitting up. What remained came out in her diaper."

"So she's allergic to my milk? They why after a few days was she fine and been fine since?" I was confused she has been fine on my milk since the day she started it.

"No, what I'm saying is she had a reaction to something in your milk, you must have eaten something that she is sensitive to, allergic to, and her body did what it needed to do get rid of it, do you remember what you ate that you hadn't had in a while, not since they were born?" My mind drew a blank; I had had too much happen in the last week to remember anything I ate.

"No, sorry uh… a lot's happened this past week." I lifted my cast arm as some form of explanation.

"Well I would suggest that you track your diet but seeing as you'll be on pain pills for a little while longer and I have a feeling you were beginning to have trouble keeping up so I say you just keep them on formula that way you avoid this occurring again and when they go on more solid foods you can look into any allergies she may have. She may also grow out of it by then so you may never know."

"So all that's wrong is an allergic reaction?" I was dumbfounded really a simple allergic reaction, nothing even major had scared the stuffing out of me.

"Yeah that's all it looks like it was, considering her birth weight and the complications she suffered she is nearly as healthy as her sister and they are both nearly as healthy as a full term baby. Now it's time for the shots."

The nurse came in with a tray and several syringes. I cringed as much as I hated shots myself; I hated it even more when the girls got shots themselves. The last time they were abnormally cranky and cried for nearly an hour after leaving the doctor. The shots were administered to them at the same time and for that I was grateful. The quicker we were done with this appointment the faster we could get them home and calm them down.

After a round of questions on both sides, I asked about what type of formula to put them on and the amount to feed them and I asked about how to successfully quit breast feeding quickly with reduced pain on my part or just with the reduced pain. The doctor informed me on what to expect from their growth and development for the next several weeks until they needed to come in for their next appointment. With goodbyes I walked up to the reception desk, Rachel following with both carriers in her hands the girls crying from their shots, I set up the next appointment and paid the bill and winced at the amount without health insurance. I was going to have to go see if I could get on state help like I did in California.

I needed to get out of here, having the girls crying like they were, was not helping my overly full boobs. Not one minute after they began crying did I begin expressing. Now streams of milk were coming from me and as long as they cried and whimpered would they stop. My bra was soaked before I even left the front doors of the hospital and my shirt was quickly going to become another casualty and I didn't think it would even make it to the outskirts of Forks before it would be un-wearable.

Rachel led me out to the parking lot trying to hurry and get the girls to the car because they were whimpering and sniffling but unable to fully cry for lack of air. I was shocked to see the Rabbit sitting in the parking lot. My heart raced at the thought of seeing Jacob and a small smile began to grace my face thinking he was waiting in the car or around the corner. I was hoping against hope that Charlie wouldn't blow all gaskets at the idea of me moving into the Black's house as inconceivable as it would be to stuff us all in such a tiny space. It would be amazing to be in his arms every night and have are girls close to both of us. My hopes were futile because he wasn't there, once I could see into the car I noticed that the bases for the carriers were already secured in the back seat. I turned to look at Rachel in question, first that they were out of my car and second they were secured in Jacob's.

"Oh, um, before they trashed your car to stage the accident Jacob and Sam had them pull out your cell and the car seats so that they wouldn't get damaged as well." She responded to my unasked question.

I said nothing, I was feeling more and more removed from the lives of my daughters and that of the pack and I was only in the hospital a little under four days. I knew that things were happening without my knowledge all around me but when those things, those decisions pertained me or my daughters I wanted to be let in just so I knew where I was headed. To make sure that I wasn't walking around like a chicken with her head cut off.

"Why do you have the Rabbit?"

"Oh, Jake figured since your car is out of commission for a while, the Rabbit would be the best car to use to tow the girls around in so he let me drive it to pick you and the girls up in."

Then again without a response from me, she opened up the driver side door, propped the seat forward and secured the first baby in the car followed by the second. I climbed in the passenger seat and Rachel set the seat back and climbed into the driver seat.

Rachel drove in silence first to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and a few other essentials she said she needed and then drove to the supermarket where she ran in to grab another package of diapers and several canisters of the formula the doctor suggested we put the girls on. After the shopping was finished she drove to my house so that I could pack a bag for myself and the girls.

I walked into the house with Rachel on my tail carrying the girls. I climbed the stairs and put my duffel on the bed. I walked to my closet and grabbed several t-shirts and a few tanks with bras built in. They were slightly more comfortable than any bra I owned at the moment and easier to wash. I pack a few pairs of jeans and a couple shorts. I didn't know how long I'd be staying in La Push but I wanted to bring enough so that no unnecessary trips to Forks were not needed to get me or the girls clothes. I quickly realized I might have to bring more than just clothes with me and I walked to the stairs to yell down to Rachel.

"Rach, do you know if Embry and Seth are back yet or will be back by tonight?"

"Yeah I think they'll be back by dinner, why?"

"I need to know if I should bring the play pen for the girls or keep it here."

"Yeah bring it; if you don't need it at our place you can always use it at Em's."

I walked back to my room and finished packing all the clothes I thought I would need and then took the play pen down. I threw the duffel over my shoulder and picked the collapsed playpen up with my good arm and walked back downstairs. I set everything down in the foyer. I walked into the kitchen where Rachel was just finishing washing all the dirty bottles and then packing them in the diaper bag. When she was done she put the playpen and my duffel in the back of the Rabbit and then came in for me and the girls, she carried them out and I locked the house up.

We arrived at Emily and Sam's not long after one. Everything I had packed was left in the car besides the diaper bag, as we didn't know where I'd be staying. I pulled a new shirt and tank out of the duffel so that I could change out of the soiled ones I was wearing. I took one of the carriers from Rachel and we walked into the house. I made it four steps in when I was nearly bowled over by several overzealous werewolves. Just before they made me fall over and into Rachel and as a result dropping both babies to the ground an order reverberated in the air.

"Everybody freeze NOW! What's the point of saving her if we squish her and the babies the second she gets out of the hospital?" Sam yelled in his alpha voice.

At the order every wolf froze in their footsteps, some with one foot frozen in the air.

"Thank you Sam." I said as Rachel and I walked into the house more maneuvering around the still frozen wolves. Once in the living room I heard Sam release the wolves behind me and a small clamor was made as a few fell to the ground. I set the carrier next to the couch as the wolves walked into the room more calmly.

"Hey Izzy." I knew who had spoken, both the new nickname and voice gave him away but I still wasn't used to the new tone of voice he used with me.

"Hello Paul." I replied as I turned and faced the happy wolves.

"Belly what's that smell?" Quil asked as he scrunched up his nose.

I looked at all the wolves and they all seemed to smell it as well but both me and Rachel wore matching confused looks. I was trying to figure out what they smelt that they hadn't smelt on me before, when I showered I used the same stuff as always and I wasn't wearing any new perfume, so I remained thoroughly confused.

"What smell?"

Collin began sniffing the air followed by Brady; they focused their sniffing to me and then abruptly stopped and blushed furiously under their dark golden skin. I looked to where their gaze had drifted and it all made sense.

"Oh sorry, the girls had shots and started crying and um…I can't really control that when they do and it's going to keep happening for a while whenever they cry, sorry." I finished shyly, not really comfortable explaining my leaking breasts to the pack.

"Rachel can you please help me change?" I figured that she'd be the best person to help since I didn't know where Emily was and Rachel's seen all my bits now and I believed that if I got out of my soiled clothes the smell would dissipate a little for the pack and I'd be a hundred times more comfortable.

With the clothes still in hand I marched to the bathroom, I waited and seen Rachel giving Paul a peck on the cheek and seemed to be telling him with her eyes that everything was okay. She came into the bathroom moments later shutting the door behind her. She helped me remove my top and bra and put on the new dry clean clothes. I have never been happier to have no bra on. The tank didn't cut as bad as the bra did nor did it put as much pressure on my aching breasts. She then helped me put the sling back on.

We walked out of the bathroom and into the living room where both babies were now out of their carriers. Paul was holding Juliana and Jared holding Charlotte. Quil was sitting in between the two glancing from one and then the other as soon as he saw me walk in to the room he got up off the couch. I sat down in between the two wolves that have the history of being the most indifferent to me. The thought should have made me uneasy but it didn't. Really what made me continually uneasy was Paul's change in attitude for me. The nickname and apologizing set me on uneven ground with him. I just didn't know how to react.

"Is everything okay with the girls?" Paul whispered into my ear barely audible to me but I'm sure the wolves in the room heard it. To confirm my suspicions I noticed Jared, Quil and Sam freeze minutely.

"Yeah everything is fine, they just had a checkup and their two month vaccinations, and they had to get four each so they'll be a little cranky today." I could see Paul visibly reacting.

"Okay let's gather round and think of reasons why Bella has to move to the res. so that Charlie won't have any opposition to it or doesn't reveal our secret." Sam called from the doorway as he walked across the room and sat in the recliner next to the couch.

"Why couldn't we tell him, I mean his best friend knows, his girlfriend, his daughter, his granddaughters father is a wolf as well as his girlfriends, would it be that bad if we told him, Bella was good with weird wouldn't he?" Brady asked.

"NO," I yelled, "no one is telling Charlie anything. He doesn't need to know that."

"Why not?" Collin asked.

"How do you think he'd react if he found out his daughter, girlfriend and best friend have been lying to him for years, how do you think he'll react knowing I willingly dated a vampire and was hunted, am being hunted by more than one? How will he react to learning all of you are werewolves? Do you think he'll react calmly and be okay with it all? God no, he'll blow a freaking gasket and lock me and the girls up in the house and not let any of you near me and if you come to the house you know he'll try to shoot you all. He doesn't need to know anything about wolves or vampires or the fact that one wants me dead." I sounded a little hysterical but the one thing I was sure of was not telling Charlie about the supernatural.

"Bella's right, anything that has to do with our secret remains just that, secret. What we have to do is come up with legitimate reasons for her to stay on the res."

"Why don't we just tell him that she should stay with Jacob?" Brady offered. Both the babies had fallen asleep on the ones holding them and Rachel noticed. She walked over from where she was sitting and took Juliana from Paul and then Emily walked in from the kitchen and notice what Rachel was doing and took Charlotte from Jared. They walked into Emily's bedroom and I assume they laid them on the bed. I got up and quickly followed them.

"Make sure they are surrounded by pillows so that they can't roll off the bed." I said and then they pulled the pillows from the head of the bed and surrounded the girls and then Emily covered them up. We all returned to the living room and to the conversation.

"Did you see the way Charlie went off on Jacob in the hospital; I thought he was going to shoot him for a moment." Quil said.

"Telling him that she's going to be staying at the Black's would just piss him off, so we can't make any mention of Jacob right now or her staying with him, unless it is genuinely legitimate." Sam said in response.

"So no telling Charlie Jacob really wants her there because he's in need of a good boning." Quil joked.

"Quil shut up, that is not helping and it's not appropriate." Paul chastised.

"You're not disagreeing with the truth of it though. Jakey boy's got it so bad he's giving us all blue balls, he needs to get laid, it's the least you can do for us Belly." Quil informed as my cheeks burned red.

"Quil knock it off." Sam yelled.

"Why it's the truth and the stuff last night in the hospital he almost didn't stop. What would Charlie say if he sees Jacob attacking Bella because he's got it so bad? That shit was hot."

"What about Jake attacking Bee?" I heard coming from the front door. We all whipped our heads up to see who had walked in the room.

There standing in the doorway to the living room were two wolves I had missed a lot over the last week. Embry and Seth gave me huge smiles. I realized that I hadn't seen Seth since I had left and I got up quickly to hug him. I really did miss my little brother a lot.

"Hey Seth," I said as I wrapped my good arm around him.

"How you doing Bells, I heard you tried to take on a vampire." Seth joked as he ruffled my hair.

"Hardly, I thought I was going to be good and give someone a ride to La Push, never doing that again."

"Oh and here I thought we would have our very own Buffy." Embry joked.

"Ha ha Embers."

"So I heard we're to blame about the leech being here, sorry about that." Seth apologized, his eyes downcast.

"No, it's not your fault, they would have come back eventually and who knows what would have happened then. Now we know they know I'm back and we are now taking the appropriate actions. You were doing me a favor by getting my things. Thank you, both." I said looking in both their eyes letting them know I didn't blame them for my attack.

"Well since I didn't meet the babies before I left do you think I could meet them now?" Seth asked.

"They were just put down for their nap but when they wake up you'll be the first person to see them, promise." I turned and went back to the couch so that we could continue our talk.

"How was the rest of the drive boys, any signs?" Sam asked from his chair.

"No man, not a one, she must know we might be looking for her and stayed far away and the drive went well. Me and Seth stopped off at Jake's and unloaded everything already." Embry answered.

"Where is Jake anyways?" Embry asked.

"He and Leah are on patrol, he wanted to be here when Charlie came for the discussion, so he's patrolling now and he'll come in about an hour or two." Sam answered.

"Okay, you two get tonight off and then I'll put you back in the patrol rota starting tomorrows morning shift." Sam ordered. Paul bumped my arm just then and I nearly flew off the couch from the pain at the same moment the girls started crying.

"Bells you need some pain meds? Rachel asked as Emily went into the bedroom to get the girls with Embry following. I nodded my head to answer and then stood to go get the meds.

I had seen when we were walking in that Rachel had set the diaper bag down on the table so I riffled through it till I found them and pulled the bottle out. Emily walked in after that.

"Rachel said it's about feeding time." I nodded and pulled two empty bottles and formula out of the diaper bag. Emily grabbed them and walked into the kitchen to assemble them. I followed to get a glass of water and pushed the jealousy down that she was feeding my children. I got my water, opened the bottle with a bit of difficulty, took my pills, and set my glass in the sink.

"Do you want any help Em?" I asked.

"Oh no, you go sit down, you need your rest. Embry has Juliana and I handed Seth Charlotte so he could meet her."

I walked back into the living room and the seen in front of me stopped me in my steps. Everyone in the room had either looks of shock or disgust on their faces. I slowly took in everyone's expressions. I started with Collin and Brady who were sitting on the floor. Their eyes were wide and their jaws dropped and staring. I moved my gaze to Quil; he wore a shocked and understanding expression. Next I looked at Paul, Rachel and Jared on the couch; all three held almost the same look of shocked disgust. My view moved to Embry whose eyes were round saucers and he kept dropping his eyes to Juliana and then back up. I still refused to look at what they all were. Fear was coiled in my belly ready to strike, whatever they were looking at was going to destroy my world, I was going to save looking at it for as long as possible.

I looked at Sam. He wore an expression full of emotions, several I had seen only twice before but again I brushed them off not wanting to let the coil take hold. He seemed shocked yet not as much as the others, he held no anger or disgust but the emotions I had seen before, the look of guilt especially ate at me and I knew I had look at the last pack member the one I had avoided looking at with all my being.

I drew my gaze slowly to Seth and what I saw there made my blood freeze in my veins, made my heart stop beating and placed a sizeable lump in my throat. Seth looked exactly like I had seen two wolves look previously but he was looking at Charlotte. His eyes were wide but he looked at her with love, adoration, protectiveness, hope, fear, and everything else, because she was to him. She was his everything, his world, his sun, his gravity. My stomach dropped as I realized, truly realized that Seth imprinted on my daughter. So many emotions ran through me in that instant I couldn't comprehend any of them or even process them.

When I finished my brief yet tumultuous emotional rollercoaster my emotions settled on protective and rage. I was a mother and I was going to protect my daughter for the beast that wanted to take her. He would NOT have her, ever. I narrowed my eyes at him and turned around. I needed something. I began looking for what I needed. I was going to get Seth away from my daughter if it was the last thing I did and breaking my hand twice on werewolves taught me that you didn't go after them as a human unless you had a sizeable weapon like a bat or crowbar. I looked around the entryway to see if Sam's baseball equipment was nearby, not seeing it I went to the Rabbit. With Jake being a proper car person there was no way he'd go anywhere without tire changing equipment. That meant he had what I'd need. I whipped the hatch open and dug with my good arm for what I needed.

I found my intended weapon. I slammed the hatch down weapon in hand and marched furiously into the house where the beast awaited. As I rounded the doorway to the living room I noticed Rachel was now holding Charlotte (smart of them) while the demon beast continued to stare at her adoringly. My blood was now boiling. There was no way he was ever going to take her from me. She was MY daughter and I was going to protect her.

I knew somewhere in the back of my mind reason and logic where trying to tell me to stop and think about what I was doing, that what I was thinking wasn't completely true but at this moment I could have given a rats ass about reason and logic so I now marched forward with weapon raised ready to beat the beast that wanted my child.

"Holy Shit Bella, what the hell are you doing with a tire iron?" Though I heard the words, who said them and the ability to form a response were lost on me.

"YOU will not take my daughter from me, you will not have her." I ground out between clenched teeth as I glared at the thief.

"Oh God Bells, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I…you know I can't control this, I'm sorry." The demons words were lost on me, I didn't' want his apologies for taking my daughter; he still intended to take her.

"You will not take Charlotte away from me, I will not lose her too; you will not have her, she is not yours, she is my daughter and I will not lose her too." I know I was repeating myself but that's all that was going through my head as I got ready to swing Jacob's tire iron.

"Bella drop the weapon." Sam ordered, I ignored it.

"Come on Bee, you don't want to do this." Embry said with Juliana still in his arms, he was holding her closely to his chest. I almost relented until I seen him again and my rage reignited. I took two more steps forward when someone stepped in my way; I was just going to have to step around them.

"Izzy, he isn't going to take her and you won't lose her, you haven't lost either daughter. That's Seth you know him, he couldn't harm a fly. You don't need to protect Charlotte from him. You won't lose her, I promise." Paul spoke softly to me and it jolted me, I paused.

"Now give me the tire iron," He said as he placed his large warm hand on my weapon above my hand, "and look at him, look at Seth."

I stopped my violent thoughts and just looked at Seth. Seth my little brother who was the sweetest person I knew. Seth who didn't have a bad bone in his body. Seth whose eyes were looking at me now were filled with both extreme sadness and sincere apology were eyes I had seen hundreds of times before and stole the air out of my lungs.

Now standing before me in the exact place Seth had been was Jacob. The eyes I had previously seen as Seth's were now the eyes Jacob had given me in everyone of my nightmare where he left me. Jacob was giving me those eyes, the-I'm-sorry-I-imprinted-am-leaving-you-eyes.

The last two nights had been amazing, Jacob and I had started on a path of reconciliation and now in one act it was all destroyed as two of my biggest fears were combined into one and smacking me in the face, imprinting and the loss of a child. I drew in a very shaky breath as I gave into the idea. Though I knew it was Seth standing before me all I could see was Jacob with those damn sorry eyes.

I think I absently dropped the tire iron a while ago but I wasn't quite sure, I was lost in the image of Jacob before me and it was slowly breaking me apart. I was fighting the emotions that wanted to get out. They were trying to drown me like they had done before. I had lost the last time I was consumed by them, and I had run away for half a year. The emotions were coming but my response mechanism couldn't be used this time. I couldn't avoid everything I was feeling; I had to face this head on. I had to do what I should have done the day I found out I was pregnant. But that very thought made me lose the ability to stand, to hold myself up. Doing what I had to do was going to take everything out of me.

I wondered idly why I hadn't hit the floor and why I was hot. I finally broke my gaze with the Seth/Jacob and looked behind me to see Paul. He was now sitting on the ground with me in his arms, the tire iron next to him. I should have been thankful he caught me but I couldn't be.

My world was shattering and I could only feel the despair that came with giving up on the only one thing I wanted most in this world, Jacob. I was so confused and hurt and scared. Why had this happened, how was it possible. I had him in my grasp; we were going to begin again, and now. Now I don't know if I can, his child was imprinted on, he can no longer deny that he won't imprint if it has happened to his child. That tiny sliver of hope that survived on that promise was gone.

I was at this point in all out sobs and Paul pulled me closer in his arms in an effort to comfort me but I couldn't feel it. I was lost in the pain of being without Jacob of choosing to give him up before I lost him. It was stupid and foolish on my part but I couldn't see any other way to spare me from worse pain. If I was feeling like this now how would I feel when he did imprint and we were together. Why, why, why kept going through me.

"Why?" I cried out. I was asking many things in that question. Why this, why now, why my daughter, why was I in this pain? All of them asked, none of them answered.

Seth/Jacob crouched down in my line of sight; a pained look graced his young face. I cringed and drew back into Paul.

"God Bella, I'm so sorry, shit, please tell me how to make this better, do you want me to go get Jacob?" Seth asked. And I cried louder because as much as it would hurt I still wanted Jacob to hold me and tell me it would all be okay.

"No, are you stupid Seth, getting Jacob right now would not be the best idea for you, the second he finds out what you dead he's going to want to kill you." Quil or Embry said from somewhere in the room.

"Well look at her, we can't leave her like this, how will Jacob react when he comes into the room and see's her like this." Seth said.

I cried some more and slummed in Paul's arms. I was only staring at the floor and not cognizant of the world around me, they could have been talking about me and I wouldn't have noticed. I was lost in the pain and heartache of giving the father of my children up after just getting him back in my arms but I didn't see any other way. Just the idea of giving him up was making my bones and heart hurt and my lungs ache with the breaths that were fighting to enter and exit when my body didn't want them to move. My mind wanted my body to shut off and give up.

I don't know how long I cried in Paul's strong warm arms that reminded me too much of someone else but at some point my wails of pain became whimpers and sniffles but I never lifted my eyes. Suddenly the noise of the room that I had ignored before became deathly quiet and all the hairs on my arms stood upright. I didn't know how it knew but my body knew. Jacob was here.

"What the hell is going on in here?" I heard Jacob yell and I pulled myself in closer again into Paul to protect myself from what I was going to do.

"Bella, Bella what's wrong honey?" He asked, his full of voice worry. I shut my eyes firmly; I knew he was going to come to me and touch me and ask me to look at him. Any of those things could easily break the resolve I had set in my endless tears. I would break things off with him; for me as well as him. The look Sam gave when he had seen the imprint was a look I never wanted to see on Jacob. Because for Sam, as well as all of us, we all knew Sam still loved Leah, just not as much as he loved Emily. The guilt of the pain he caused her ate at him and it showed whenever someone imprinted or whenever he looked at her. I couldn't stand to see that look on Jacob.

"Paul what the hell is going on, why is Bella crying in your arms, you don't even like her." The worry had left his voice and anger was filling it.

"Jacob you have to calm down, we'll tell you what's going down but you have to stay calm." Sam said.

"Bells, please tell me what's wrong." Jacob said as he crouched down near me and placed his burning hand on my waist. I whimpered and pulled myself away from him.

"Bella?" I could hear the panic that now laced his voice.

"I'm sorry, so sorry Jacob…I can't…we can't."

"What are you talking about Bella?"

"I can't be with you now, I'm so sorry" I cried.

"What the hell are you on about? We were just talking about being together just last night, what happened to make you change your mind?"

"Bella I'm not going to let you do this, you are not giving up on us and I'm not giving up on us. If I have to fight for you again I will." His voice was firm and I was sure he would do it. I cried more. I kept thinking too much, too much, toomuchtoomuchtoomuch. I knew emotionally and mentally I couldn't take any more and I was breaking and cracking from the pressure.

"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on in this house?" He yelled as I felt him stand and whirl to the rest of the room. From my position I could see the feet of everyone as they moved around the room. It looked as if two wolves were standing in front of another, most likely blocking Seth from Jacob.

"Seth imprinted…" Sam started.

"Christ Bella, just because he imprinted doesn't mean I will…" He began to protest.

"On Charlotte," Sam finished. A growl filled the air and then silence.

"Seth outside and Bella we aren't done." Jacob growled out and stomped out the door and it slammed.

Jacob was going to fight me for me and I didn't know how to feel about it.

A/N2: I know most of you are probably angry with me but I have a reason for what I did and in time you will learn it so please bear with me. I will also explain the imprint better. Yes I do find it creepy that he imprinted on an infant but I will give my reason later and it will explain it more. Sorry again this was so late, I didn't mean it to be I just couldn't get it to work right, right away. Thanks again to everyone who has read, favorited, alerted and reviewed this story. It means a lot and I love reading the words of encouragement or your responses to the chapters they really touch my heart. Thanks again and please let me know what you think.


	14. Aftershocks

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or its characters. I own this story and Juliana and Charlotte. I don't make money from it, I just get it out of my head and let people read.

Ch. 14

Aftershocks

After Jake stomped and slammed his way out of the house, silence filled the room. No one said anything, no one moved; I don't think many were breathing. The fallout of the imprint, my reaction and breakdown and now Jacob's reaction had yet to settle in the group. It was bad enough when Quil imprinted on a toddler that he'd never met before and was in no way tied to him before but for Seth, someone both Jacob and I saw as a little brother, to imprint on our child was awkward at best and I think at the moment everyone was afraid of what Jacob would do to Seth.

I had a feeling he'd be harsher on him because of my reaction to the imprint. Had Seth not imprinted on our daughter, I knew I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. I wouldn't have decided I couldn't be with him. I wouldn't have become a blubbering mess in Paul's arms and I definitely wouldn't have gone at him with a tire iron. Jacob would most likely blame Seth for having to fight for me again and the loss of what our relationship would have been had he not imprinted.

I tried not to think about the imprint on my daughter and what it meant. I was truly freaked out and I believe rightly so, the last two people to be imprinted on were Blacks. Rachel and Charlotte were now two fifths of all imprints. Everyone had been told it was rare but now half the pack was imprinted and Jacob the blood alpha had yet to do so. How could I not be worried? I didn't want to think about Charlotte getting imprinted on and what deep down I truly felt about it because that made me feel like a horrible mother. No mother should feel what deep down I was feeling currently. While I loved her no less, cherished her no less, but this new feeling was eating away at the back of my mind and making me feel guiltier and guiltier as each moment passed.

Finally the stillness of the room was broken when Seth took a deep breath and turned to face the door. He paused and looked down at me. The movement caused me to look up at him, the first time I had raised my eyes since I had succumbed to the pain and fallen in Paul's arms. His eyes were so sad and it almost made me break out in fresh tears. Charlotte was his world and her mother and his friend was in emotional pain because of something he had unintentionally done.

He steeled himself and began walking out the door Jacob had walked out minutes before, Sam stood and followed him. He would prevent Jacob from doing too much harm to him. With the click of the door the uneasy silence continued on for a short stretch of time. Since my march out to the car, the movement of time didn't flow properly. I didn't know how long I cried, or even what time of day it was.

I was settling into a familiar feeling of emotional numbness, trying to bury everything I had felt as my body was wracked in pain. I was trying to get back to that place that had left me able to survive my zombie Bella days. I am a mom and had to be there for my children, no matter how badly I wanted to curl up and sleep and even if I couldn't do much at the moment I would do all I could to distract myself from Jacob and what he had promised.

"Paul, carry her into my room, Rachel go out and get everything she brought with her, Embry, give Juliana to Quil. You and Brady go to Jake's and get the crib and everything that goes in it and bring it here. Jared and Collin go and patrol, Sam, Jake and Seth may be occupied for a while and then Charlie, Billy and Sue are coming over for dinner and they will want them here." Emily ordered.

I felt Paul stand with me in his arms and as he walked me to Emily's room. I closed my eyes as the passing scenery was too much for my very busy mind. I felt the bed give as he laid me down on it. I didn't fight him when he pulled away but the very familiar feeling of being cold came up on me. I didn't know if it was because I no longer had a wolf near me or if it was because I had sent Jake away. Before I could think too long on that I stuffed it down with a dozen other things I didn't have the emotional fortitude to think about.

As soon as Paul walked silently out of the room Rachel and Emily came in, Rachel carrying the duffel I packed as well as the one she had packed this morning to bring to the hospital.

"Okay sweetie, we have to get you cleaned up a little bit, Charlie is coming soon and he can't see you in this state, or he won't let you live down here on the res. And now more than ever you need to be here." Emily said sweetly as she put her arms under mine to lift me up. I tried to help her but between my pain raged body, which seemed to have burned off the pain meds I took earlier, and the emotional tsunami I was going through I didn't have the energy.

She sat me up and Rachel brought her a warm wet wash cloth. She slowly and carefully wiped my tear ravaged face. She continued clearing the tracks of tears until my face, ears and neck were free of the marks my pain left. I could see what she was doing out of my unfocused eyes, not caring much, just trying to continue to numb myself but the afternoon's events kept running through me brining fresh worries and fears, but thankfully no more tears fell. Maybe I was becoming number than I thought.

Emily pulled my brush from my bag and slowly begun unsnarling what some people would refer to as my hair. When she was finished Rachel sidled up behind me and slowly put it in a French Braid.

No one said anything, they didn't offer empty promises that everything would be alright and I didn't lie and say I was fine. We just were. Once my hair was done, Emily put a little make-up on me to hide my sallow skin. It would have been the first give away to Charlie. I knew as well as them that the survival of myself and my children revolved around me living on the res. and at the moment I didn't know where that was going to be. Because surely they wouldn't have the girls and I live with Jacob. I don't think I could fight him like I intended to do if I was under the same roof as him, day in and day out.

Emily moved to remove my t-shirt and Rachel jutted her hands out quickly to stop her. I looked up slowly to see the question in Emily's eyes.

"You don't want to see the bruises." Rachel whispered behind me. Emily's eyes grew big but she determinedly continued to remove the shirt. Once the tear soaked shirt was off Emily slowly moved around the bed to see the bruises that were not covered up by my tank. She lightly ran her fingers over the upper portion of my back and then pulled the back of the tank up to see under it. I flinched when she touched the lower portion of my bruising but I couldn't see her expression and was okay with that. At least my heart and mind now matched my battered and bruised body.

A shirt I hadn't witnessed them pull out was pulled over my head and then they stopped fussing over me and just sat by me. I could feel them wanting to ask questions, questions I was sure I didn't want or wasn't able to answer. I knew they wanted to console me with words but we all knew there was nothing that they could console. Nearly my biggest fear, as if it had happened to the one I feared it would, had come true almost in front of my eyes. They couldn't say it would all be okay, they couldn't promise me that when they no longer believed it to be true. Their unasked questions and tacit conciliatory words made the silence in the room thick. The silence was encroaching on me in their presence and I didn't want to be in the room anymore. A whimper and cry from the living room made me shoot up, despite the protests of my back and rush to the living room.

I was met with Quil's sad eyes; he was trying to shush Charlotte while continuing to hold Juliana. With much difficulty I kneeled on the ground in front of the carrier Rachel must have placed her in when Emily issued the orders and slowly began picking her up, my good arm doing the supporting of her head and neck while my casted arm helped pull her safely to my chest.

Holding her both healed and hurt my heart. She was most likely oblivious to the chaos that had occurred around her beautiful big brown eyes, at least I hoped. But looking in her eyes also reminded me of what I just chose to give up. I was happy to hold her again and she seemed happy that I was holding her as well, her cries had stopped as soon as she seen me. While my world had been turned upside down, hers was still intact. She still needed me even though I wasn't breast feeding her anymore or able to change and dress her. She needed me because I was her mother and I wasn't going to take that for granted. Yes I needed help to do the basics but I could do one thing that no one else could do. When I laid either girl on my heart it usually calmed them, it was the one sound besides my voice they had heard constantly since conception. All three of us had a connection that couldn't be taken lightly. Half of them was me. I held her closer as I let her heal me a little; I had to be okay for them.

I heard whines and growls fill the back yard, I figured that whatever Jake had to say to Seth, or whatever he thought necessary at the moment was now occurring. I didn't want Seth to get hurt, even though hours ago I was going to beat him. As much as I really hated what happened and hated imprinting, I loved Seth and I didn't want him to be harmed because of something that was out of his control.

"Quil could you go outside and phase and tell Jacob I don't want him to do anything to Seth. He shouldn't be punished." I asked quietly, my voice barely above a whisper and you could hear it horse from all the crying and lack of talking. I sit on the couch and pull my legs up so I can lay Charlotte in my lap and so Quil can put Juliana there as well. He placed Juliana in my lap, placed a kiss to the top of my head and walked out the same door all the wolves leave out of to phase.

I just sat staring at my daughters. I lost myself in their eyes and bent over and placed kisses to their heads and took giant whiffs of their scents to calm me. I needed to be calm because Emily was right. Charlie couldn't see me in the state I was in; I had to appear as I was yesterday. He needed to know I was alright so that he could let me out of the house and worry less. If I looked like I did now, he wouldn't let me out of his sight, which would continue to make the job of the wolves harder. It would also make him worry more and I had made him worry more than most fathers ever did about their children. I didn't want him to worry about me anymore.

The ruckus outside quieted, Quil must have gotten the message across, though no one came back in. I was grateful; I didn't know how to deal with Jacob or Seth right now. I was fearful that for a long time every time I looked at Seth I'd see Jacob. I knew as long as I decided I couldn't be with Jacob, as long as he continued to fight me for me I wouldn't be able to look at him. If I looked at his deep onyx eyes I'd give in and be with him, but I'd always be fearful. I couldn't believe his promise that he wouldn't imprint anymore.

I know I should have more trust in him and I did. I trusted him with my life, my soul, my heart, but I couldn't trust him on this one thing and it was killing me. I couldn't wrap my head around what it meant that Charlotte was imprinted on, it just didn't make sense to me, she was only half Quileute and I know that didn't mean anything because Emily, Claire and Kim were all only half Quileute but all three were full Native. I was confused and I didn't know how to clear it up. I knew I was going to have to talk about the imprint with Sam or Billy to figure out how it is possible but I needed more time to wrap my brain around it.

While I was still staring at my girls I seen a glass of water thrust in my view. I looked up and seen Rachel holing a glass of water and two pills in her other hand. She gave me a small smile. I uncurled my good hand from under my daughter and took the pills, thankful she realized I was in pain.

I looked up when I heard the back door open as Quil walked in and sat next to me on the couch. He sat close enough to throw an arm over my shoulder and I winced in response.

"Oh sorry Belly," He said as he smiled at me. Rachel walked back into the kitchen with the empty glass. I could hear Emily starting to prepare dinner and Rachel didn't come back out so I figured she was helping her.

"You know that no one will love her or care for as much as he will, right?" Quil asked. I knew he right, but that's what bugged me.

"I think that's one of my biggest problems with the imprint, besides the age gap and the fact I see him as my brother. She's two months old, the only two people who should love her like that is Jacob and I. We should be her world and now, now were not, we will be secondary to him for the rest of her life. We should be the ones who love her most. I shouldn't have to lose my daughter until she's fifteen and falling in love for the first time and she should fall in love more than once. Jacob and I are supposed to be the ones she runs to when she skins her knee, now she'll run to Seth. I only had her for two months and Jacob only had her for a week. That's the one thing I am most not okay with in all of this."

He looked abashed, I don't think anyone could make this alright in my eyes at the moment, there was just too much I didn't like about it and the more I thought about it the more it upset me. My comment caused Quil to become quite. It was so very unlike him, but everyone was quite now, everyone was lost in their thoughts.

"Did he hurt Seth?" I asked, unsure if I wanted him to or not.

"He chased him for a while, yelled some but I phased in before he attacked him, uh he won't be back for a little while, and he needed a good run first." I was relieved with all of it, Seth wasn't hurt and I didn't have to avoid Jacob.

I front door burst open and a smiling Kim walked through the door.

"Hey guys," she paused when she seen no one else in the room, "where is everyone? Sorry I'm late, had to help mom finish something up."

"Hey Kim," I said quietly and then dropped my gaze back to my girls. They had fallen asleep on my legs. They both looked content and at peace. I ran a finger of my right hand around their brow bone and down their nose, then over their lips and across their cheeks. I was trying to memorize them how they were at this exact moment because all too soon I knew they'd change and grow.

"What's wrong?" Kim asked, I looked up and noticed she was looking at Quil. I sighed.

"Seth imprinted." I didn't like the way those words tasted in my mouth.

"Oh my god, so who's the lucky girl? Is she here? When are they going to tell her? Yay another girl in the group." She said happily. But her smile fell when she noticed when my expression twisted into a grimace.

"Who…" She started to ask.

"On Charlotte," Quil told her. As expected her jaw dropped and then she was silent like everyone else.

"Oh um…wow…so…" She stopped not sure what to say.

"Where is everyone?" She asked after a moment of silence.

"Jared and Collin are patrolling. Leah, Paul and Sam are making sure Jacob doesn't take any bites out of Seth. Embry and Brady are bringing some of Bella's things from California over here and Emily and Rachel are making dinner in the kitchen because Charlie is coming over for the meeting." Quil informed her again. I remained silent again staring at my daughters.

"How are you doing Bella, you okay?" She asked I could hear in her voice how uncomfortable she was. I just nodded.

"I'll go and see if they need help." Kim said and I could hear her leave the room.

Not long after Kim retreated into the kitchen, to hide from the uncomfortable silence in the room; (Quil never leaving me though and I was kind of glad, he let me be and if I wanted to talk he'd listen), Embry and Brady walked in carrying the crib and its bedding into the house. They set everything down and walked into the kitchen and came out moments later tools in hand.

Quietly they began to reassemble the crib. I was confused, why were they doing that here, I thought I was staying at the Black's (not that I wanted to right now). Before I could ask the front door opened again as Sue pushed Billy in the door. She wheeled him into the living room, past the two hard working and silent boys, and next to me. It was weird hearing the pack so silent. I was used to clamoring noises that made your ears pound. I was used to almost constant laughter or angry yelling matches that ended with two or more pack members outside phasing. I wasn't used to this still, crushing silence. It was suffocating.

"How are my grandbabies today Bells?" Billy asked. His smile spit his face and reminded me so much of the one I couldn't look at right now.

"Good." I replied. Watching as Sue moved to sit in the armchair near Billy.

"I heard from Paul and Rachel last night that they had a doctor's appointment today, how'd that go, everything good?"

"Um yeah, just a check up and they had their two month vaccinations, they are gaining a good amount of weight, Charlotte's almost six pounds and Juliana's now five pounds and both are twenty three inches long."

"Why are they so small, I think Claire's mom said she was seven pounds when she was born?" Quil asked.

"They were preemies and twins also. They had to share everything I gave them so they didn't gain as much weight as a single, had they made it two or more weeks longer they would have been one to two pounds heavier. They have only gained three-ish pounds since birth because their bottles were five ounces at a time. The doctor is happy with their growth, so I'm happy."

"Quil the older they get the faster they will catch up to single full term children. I bet by six months no one will be able to tell they were born early." Sue said.

"Where is everyone at?" Billy asked as he looked around. "I thought we were going to have a pre-Charlie meeting, to discuss all the issues about Bella moving in, and why in the heck are you boys building the crib here?"

Quil, Embry, Brady, and I all dropped our gazes from Billy's overly perceptive eyes. He'd know immediately at our movement something had happened, he just wouldn't know what it was. I'd rather not look at his piercing eyes as they tried to silently drag the truth out of me.

"What's going on Bella?" He asked, his voice firm, meaning no bull.

"Rach and Em are cooking dinner; Kim just came and is helping them. Embry and Brady went to get the crib and its bedding at Emily's orders. Jared, Collin and Leah are patrolling. Jacob, Sam and Seth are also phased." I answered, not really caring he didn't want me to beat around the bush; I didn't feel like talking about it again.

"If Jared, Collin and Leah are patrolling, why are the other three phased?"

"They're talking."

"Bella. What's going on, what are you avoiding?" His voice very firm.

"Seth imprinted and I freaked out, Jake ordered Seth outside to 'talk' and Sam went out to keep it from getting out of hand." I was mentally asking 'don't ask who, don't ask who', but knew it was futile, they were both members of the council, imprints were almost as important as new wolves and this concerned Sue's son, they were going to ask. I swallowed thickly against the lump lodged in my throat. I was absentmindedly stroking Charlotte's curls.

"Imprinted? Wow there hasn't been one of those in over a year. Thought all the boys had seen all the girls in the res. Wonder who it could be that he hadn't seen before…" He broke off, I lifted my eyes to peek at him through my lashes; his eyes were wide and frozen on his granddaughters. He had figured out who Seth hadn't met before, but not the specific person.

"Was ho!" He exclaimed. I knew from hanging out with the pack that was Quileute for 'no way'; my thoughts exactly.

"I don't know if this has ever happened before, I don't…no wonder you freaked Bella."

"Who did Seth imprint on? Billy what hasn't happened before?" Sue asked worriedly.

"Never before has a wolf imprinted on the offspring of another wolf, to my knowledge. Seth imprinted on one of the twins." He informed.

"Which one?" Her voice had gotten softer, whisper quiet.

"Charlotte."

"Oh my." Sue breathed.

"Bella are you okay?" Billy asked. I don't know if it was the tone in which he asked or the fact I think he wasn't alluding to the imprint but I felt the burn of tears as soon as the question was asked and a part of the wall that held the torrent back broke.

"No." I shook my head as tears began leaking down my face. I was fighting with everything in my not to break down again. I couldn't break down again. The pack was counting on me to hold it together so Charlie wouldn't get suspicious. They wanted his approval as much as I did about moving down here. Sure I was nineteen and I could do as I chose, I just wanted him okay with it, and not be worried about me. With a deep breath I pushed everything back behind the wall, stopped the tears from falling and wiped the ones that did.

"What's wrong Bella, why…?"

"I can't Billy not now, not till after Charlie leaves, please?" I pleaded as I squeezed my eyes tight.

"Okay Bella, okay."

"Billy what does this mean now, for the girls legitimacy?" Sue asked my head shot to her. Legitimacy? Did I say that out loud?

"Bella the girls are only half Quileute, and tribal law states that anyone less than half blood quantum is not considered Quileute, anyone who is half must be born on the reservation to be included in the tribe." A heavy blanket of guilt was just dropped on me. My cowardly actions in running had taken a large portion of my daughter's heritage with them. The tribe would never see them as one of their own. They were decedents of the last true chief, the granddaughters of its titular chief, daughters of the next one and of the true alpha of the pack and would never be legitimate. I could feel the blood leave my face as the nausea grew. Couldn't I do anything right?

"But now that Seth has imprinted on Charlotte and the fact that they are Jacob's children and you weren't privy to this information we may need to find a way to legitimize them in the tribe's eyes and its laws."

I just nodded my head. This day was already too long. Too much had happened that I wasn't processing and dealing with. I had already broken once and if this kept up I'd break again.

"Why wasn't I told of this before?" I asked not sure if I wanted the answer.

"You've had enough to deal with the past week, and then you were attacked and in the hospital. I felt as well as the rest of the council that this particular problem could wait since your children were girls and couldn't inherit anything from Jacob in tribal standing." He answered but it didn't make me feel any better.

Kim walked back in the room after Billy had quit speaking carrying two full bottles; I glanced up at the clock and noted that it was about time for their feeding. They hadn't waked yet, but I could tell by the way they were now shifting in my lap that it wouldn't be long until they woke.

"Rachel said that it was close to their feeding time, she made the bottles and said to bring them to you so that when they started crying you wouldn't express too much; whatever that means." She said answering my unspoken question. I blushed a little at the expressing comment. Thankfully only Billy and Sue knew what she meant as they gave small smiles.

"Thank you Kim, and tell Rachel thanks." I felt bad that Rachel remembered the schedule I had given her last week yet I couldn't, though what could I expect I had been thrown for more than one loop today.

Not ten minutes later did the girls wake up. First Juliana stirred and in her stretch she smacked Charlotte in the face and woke her as well. Sue quickly stood and took Juliana from me and one of the bottles Kim had brought while I took the other and began feeding Charlotte once she began whimpering.

It felt nice to feed my daughter, it had been four days since I had done it last and though it was no longer my milk they were eating, I was still feeding them. In feeding her I noticed that she was keeping her eyes open longer than she had done in the past. She lay in my lap sucking on the bottle wrapping her tiny fingers around one of mine while staring intently at me. I couldn't have fought the smile that broke out on my face at that.

"Can I hold her?" Seth asked tentatively after walking in the back door, I hadn't even heard him or Sam come in. I pushed the feeling that had erupted at the question. I didn't want him to hold her, but I wasn't about to hurt him because I was feeling the way I was whenever he looked at her.

"Sure, sure."

He walked over and reverently picked her up. Juliana was currently being held by Billy, moving there after she had finished eating. He moved to the spot next to Quil on the couch and held her, cradling her in his arms. I couldn't look, the feeling was rising to the surface and I had to turn so it wouldn't get too much of a stronghold on me.

I was saved from the swell of emotion that came with him holding my daughter by Charlie knocking on the front door; he still found it odd that we all walked in without doing so, and waiting for Emily to answer it.

"Seth can you please put Charlotte in her carrier and Sue could you put Juliana in hers?" I asked, knowing we'd be eating soon. The growling of the stomachs of the wolves in the room, making it clear the food was close to done. The discussion would be best if no one was holding a baby.

Once the girls were secured they were carried to the table and set down around it. I sat near Charlotte; I didn't want to be far from her at the moment. Seth wisely sat away from her, though I could see pain at this I just chose not to acknowledge it.

The table had been set earlier and now Rachel, Kim and Emily were bringing in large bowls and platters full of food. Everyone was setting themselves around the table. Sam sat at the head of one end of the table, Billy the other. Charlie sat down across from me Sue next to him. Embry and Brady left to patrol so that Leah could come in. Quil sat next to me, Seth next to him. Once all the food was on the table and Emily sitting next to Sam. Rachel next to Sue and Kim in between Seth and Emily, there were now two spots left, I knew one was for Leah and I figured the other was for Jacob. He had said yesterday that he was coming and Sam had told me earlier he patrolled early to be here.

Though at the moment I didn't want him here; it is easier to fight him if he isn't near me. Before I could think on it Leah and Paul came in the front door, walked to the table and sat down silently. Leah never looked up from her spot next to Rachel while Paul took the spot next to Sam. He looked up at me and gave me a sad smile. Weird.

"How was work today Charlie?" Sam asked as we ate.

"Okay but there is news coming out of Portland and also Olympia of several disappearances in the last few days. Several people disappeared from each city on both Saturday and Sunday nights. They had no connections to one another but were taken from areas near one another. No trace at all. It's weird; it reminds me of some of the missing people from last year in Seattle." All air was sucked from me and I chocked on the food I had been chewing. I couldn't tell you what I was eating, but I was no longer hungry. Everyone in the room besides Charlie froze for a moment. I think everyone realized what he had just told us.

It had started again and now there were two cities being culled for an attack.

Not a moment after everyone froze; they resumed eating, though now more somberly. A new weight was now hanging over the packs heads. Last time she attacked with seven, she and one escaped. We all knew she'd attack with more, how many more we had no clue.

When Charlie was done eating he looked up at me.

"Bells you and the girls ready to head home?"

"Uh…" I didn't know how we were supposed to start this talk; we had never got this far in the discussion. I didn't think we had even agreed on a reason.

"Um…Charlie, I think for a while it would be best if Bella stayed here on the reservation." Sam said, taking control.

"And why do you think that Sam?" Charlie asked his voice harsh.

"Well with the cast on her arm she needs help with the babies." He replied unfazed by Charlie's tone.

"I am completely capable of helping her in that respect. I was the one who took care of the girls while she was in the hospital." He defended.

"What about work Charlie?" Sue asked. He shot his eyes to her and they narrowed.

"What's going on here?" He asked.

"Charlie you have to work and Bella can't take care of the girls by herself." Emily said.

"She can't take care of herself, by herself." Rachel interjected.

"Well I can help her as well."

"Charlie, this morning I had to help her shower and dress. When she dirtied her clothes earlier today, I had to help her change. I doubt either of you want you to help her in that way." Charlie blushed red at that.

"I know you want her in your house right now, but she needs more help than you can give her. Emily or I can give her that help and it's not practical for us to run to Forks everyday to do that. It's just easier, until she gets that cast off, for her and the girls to stay down here." Rachel said.

"Well I suppose your right. I don't like it but where is she going to stay. I love you Billy and Rachel but there is no way I'm letting her stay with you when your boy is there." As much as I agreed with what he said his reasoning was all off.

"She's staying here." Emily stated. Everyone's heads turned to her, including Sam, when she said that. I guess she didn't discuss this with him.

"You're right, she can't stay at the Black's but she needs help with the girls. We have a spare room here and I would love for her to stay here. With all the boys coming and going there will be plenty of hands to help with the babies and Kim, Rachel and I can help Bella when she can't do something." Everyone was quiet for a while, not expecting Emily to have it all planned out. I had thought from what Jacob talked about yesterday I was going to the Black's. I had been all for that, hours before but with the new kinks in my life this was the better alternative.

Where better for a danger magnet to stay than at Werewolf headquarters.

Twenty minutes later and I was escorting Charlie to his car to say goodbye.

"See you tomorrow kiddo. You sure you're okay to stay here for awhile?" He said as he hugged me, mindful of my bruises.

"Yeah dad, see ya tomorrow. Love you." I said as I hugged him as tight as I could.

I watched as he climbed in his cruiser and drove off in the direction of Forks. I turned back to the house. I started walking back ready to go in and relax but then realized that Seth was still in there and most likely he was either holding her looking all devoted or he was looking at her with eyes full of devotion. I needed a break so I walked to the stairs and sat down on them breathing in the clean La Push air and looking at the stars.

I didn't hear the approach but being a wolf I shouldn't have expected to hear it. I only noticed someone was with me when in the corner of my eye I see them sit down. Turning my head to see who it was, I noticed who but couldn't quite believe it.

After her little tirade a week ago and seeing her in wolf form attacking Riley and then her mandatory dinner with us tonight I hadn't seen nor heard hide or hair from Leah Clearwater.

I looked at her for a moment taking in her gruff expression. I hadn't really spent much time looking at her in the past, (not that she gave me much chance to). She looked how I felt.

There was a question burning my tongue, itching to get out. I had held it in a very long time, too afraid to ask her. But know after today it seemed highly appropriate. I just hoped she would answer truthfully and actually talk to me. I bucked up the courage, took a deep breath and asked.

"Leah...?"

**A/N: **Thank you to all who read, favorited, alerted, and reviewed the last chapter. I am so thankful for your words and am glad you aren't mad at me for the imprint. I really love all your comments and guesses on what direction I might be heading with the story. Thanks for your kind words and as always please let me know what you think of this chapter. Who knows one of your comments might give me some direct inspiration for some upcoming drama.


	15. Confrontations

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it and I don't make anything from it.

Ch. 15

Confrontations

She made no outward movement that she heard what I had said. She sat on the steps, knees folded up to her chest, arms clasped around leg and her head resting on her bent knees. She was lost in her own world. She may have been too lost in her own thoughts to hear me, so I repeated myself.

"Leah…?"

"What." She bit out not turning her head but I could see the tension in her frame now.

"Um…do you think…would you have…?"

"Come on Swan spit it out, I don't have all day; I have to protect your sorry ass."

"If you had known everything you know now about wolves and imprinting while you and Sam were dating, just after his change, or before that even, would you have stayed with him? Would you have stayed with him even though you knew he was destined to leave you for another, maybe not know who it'd be, but that he would and wouldn't love you the same anymore, would you have stayed and loved him as long as he was still yours?"

She didn't say anything for quite a while but I knew she heard me because she was shaking a little and I could see her eyes grew big for a moment and then relaxed but still she didn't say anything. I didn't expect her to for a while; I wanted her to really think about it because I needed to know the answer.

"I don't…I don't know."She finally said. I didn't respond I knew she had more to say. She was quite for several long minutes. I could tell she was warring with herself on whether she should tell me everything.

"Had I known everything I know now…I…even not knowing it would be Emily. I think…I think I would have stayed. I love Sam with everything I am and even knowing back then, I don't think I could have walked away from that love. I probably would have thought our love was strong enough to make it through and disregarded his chance of imprinting. Maybe if I knew that I wouldn't just loose him in the imprint I might have pulled away to save at least one of the important relationships to me."

"Why are you asking me?" She asked.

"I'm scared, all the time, I love him and I don't want to lose him. What if down the road were engaged and I lose him, or I am pregnant again. It eats at me and is destroying me."

"Imprinting just didn't take my fiancé from me; it took my best friend and sister. Had he imprinted on any one else I might not have been so hurt, so pained, and so betrayed over it after I found the truth out."

"He's my choice, the one I choose to love wholly but imprinting took my choice away, it took his and Emily's choice away. Even if I had the knowledge beforehand I don't think I could have walked away from him, hell Bella I still can't walk away from him. Maybe I wouldn't hate it so much if our choices hadn't been taken, had he and I fallen out of love and he naturally fell for Emily I wouldn't be so bitter but this was forced on all of us."

"But why would you stay knowing the pain you'd be in?" I asked my voice small.

"He was, is my world even given the chance that I'd lose him I couldn't have left him, couldn't have stopped loving him. I couldn't have left him. Every moment I had with him was worth it. He was my first love and I thought then that love made you invincible it's a hard lesson to learn love can break you just as easily." I wasn't sure if I saw it correctly in the lack of light but I thought I saw a tear trail down her face.

"How can you stand it seeing him, seeing them? How can you stand it knowing he still loves you just now it's no longer enough for him to give her up?"

"You have met me right; I'm not the prime example of standing it. I'm not going to lie to you and say it doesn't fucking hurt but sometimes when I'm alone with my thoughts and somewhere where I bury it real fucking deep just the thought that, had he a choice, had we all not phased that we'd be together. I can get lost in that and imagine the life I'll never have with him. Then again sometimes I wonder if we would have worked out forever had it hadn't happened. I'll never know, he'll never know. But every moment I spent in our love was worth it for the time we had it and I don't think I could have given that up. Even knowing it would end."

"Can I ask you something?" She said looking at me for the first time. I just nodded knowing my voice would crack and break.

"I saw in Sam and Seth's memory of after the imprint the way you looked at Seth changed. And I don't mean from rage to sadness. It was like you were looking at someone else, who were you seeing?" The breath I was drawing in at that moment was stopped by the sudden formation of a giant lump in my throat.

"Jacob, I saw Jacob. I've had so many nightmares about Jacob imprinting and telling me he's leaving me. Seth gave me those same apologetic eyes that Jacob gave me in every dream. At the moment Seth gave me those eyes he became Jacob. Even now, hours later, he still looks like Jacob; I can't see him as anyone else even though my other senses tell me he's not my sight says he is. It's a walking nightmare and a reminder he's not mine."

"Is that why you asked me the question, you want to know if Jacob is worth it, worth the fight?"

"No, I know he's worth it, he's pretty much worth everything to me. I think I asked because, yes you survived Sam leaving you but I wanted to know if you would have behaved differently with the knowledge, maybe held her heart to yourself so he couldn't break it so easily. I asked because I was broken almost irrevocably by love before and when he does leave I'll be broken again and he won't be there to fix me. I hate that this single fear is controlling me so completely."

"Do you hate Seth?"

"No, I don't think I could ever hate him, even after the imprint. I hate imprinting. It binds wolves to someone not of their choosing. If it happened after they chose, then so be it but not instantly. Yes they fall in love with them and some of them may have ended up together anyways but, it forced Sam to Emily, and Quil to Claire. I don't want Charlotte to have anyone forced on her. I want her to experience life free of the supernatural. Well as free as she can be being the daughter of a wolf. I want them to grow up happy with family surrounding them. I want them to fall down and scrape their knees and figure out that they can get up on their own. I want them to make friends and lose them and know that life will go on. I want them to fall in love and get their hearts broken by stupid immature boys that Jake with threaten. I want them to make mistakes and struggle to figure out the path their lives will take. It's like the imprint is trying to force Charlotte on a path I know she would have never chosen otherwise."

"As much as I don't like what imprinting did for Sam, Jared and Paul. I hate what it is doing to Quil and what it will do to Seth. They are told that their imprint is their soul mate, their mate. I don't think I can agree to that not just as the mother of someone who was imprinted. I don't think Charlotte will ever see Seth as anything other than her uncle. Our parents are dating and the way Charlie looks at your mom and the way she looks at him. I don't see them breaking up anytime soon and the girls are going to see her as Grandma Sue. I can't see it working out as the legends say it should, nor do I want it to. I don't see much difference for Quil either. Are they limiting their romantic options because they were told they have to be with the girls? I don't know but being imprinted hasn't stopped Quil from being a perv and hitting on every girl in the room. I don't hate Seth I just hate what he's been forced into and that at sixteen his choice was taken and at two months Charlottes was taken. But what's worse, what I hate the most, as much as I hate imprinting and all it is, what makes me feel like the worst mother in the world, is right now I'm jealous of my own child. I'm jealous that she got to be imprinted on and I didn't. That I have to stay away from Jacob so that I'll survive his imprinting, that's what I hate the most."

"Wow you've thought about this a lot."

"I have spent most of the day thinking about it, I also spent the last six months plagued by thoughts of nothing else but imprinting." We were silent for a few minutes neither of us felt the need to say anything to fill the silence.

"Can I ask you a question?" She nodded.

"Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you exactly." I snorted in disbelief.

"I don't like you particularly, for some of the things you did and some you didn't but no I don't hate you. Would I have just poured out everything I just did, if I hated you?"

"Okay so you don't hate me, why do you strongly dislike me?" A smile graced her normally austere visage, it threw me a little because it was so rare; so rare in fact that I may have only seen it once before.

"Most recently I dislike the shit you put Jacob by deciding it was best to leave, that was not cool. It was hell in his thoughts and emotions, made me look like I was full of sunshine and rainbows."

"No offense, but you were a cold fish towards me long before I ever left."

"Touché Swan, I think in the beginning I wrongfully blamed you for what I am and for the loss of Sam and Emily. I thought that if you hadn't been with the leech then he and I wouldn't have changed and we'd be together but the more I thought about it I knew I was wrong. Sam changed long before you moved back and left me. Then I blamed my change on you." I raised by eyebrows in confusion.

"If you hadn't been with Cullen and gotten yourself hunted by that leech in Phoenix then the whorish red head wouldn't be hunting you and I wouldn't have phased to protect you."

"I think you would have phased with-out Victoria. Go ahead and blame me for Seth, Collin and Brady but…There were seven Cullen's and with your phase Quil and you fulfilled the sixth and seventh wolves to seven vampires ratio. The continued presence of Laurent, Victoria and her minions cause the other three to phase." The pack and I had speculated countless times about why the pack was so large, that was just my theory. I wasn't trying to defend myself because I did blame myself for the childhood loss of the youngest three of the pack, hell in a way I blamed myself for the phasing of the entire pack.

"I…I don't blame you anymore, I agree that had you not moved here I would have still changed. I was…am filled with so much resentment that I would have changed no matter what. I just used you as a scapegoat for my anger and resentment for what I was, what I am. I kept finding new ways to not like you for that reason. I'd find new ways and then I would then forgive you for them."

"I think the main reason I dislike you still, the reason you really have no control over because it wasn't something you did, nor is it something you can even fix is that when you first found out about the wolves it didn't faze you and then you were welcomed into the pack without much protest. Yes you ran with vampires so the world of weird wasn't a stretch for you. But they welcomed you without malice for your choice to be with your former associates. Sure Jake and the pack were mad that you willingly chose to hang with leeches but once you accepted them they forgave you. You became an honorary member of the pack. When I joined no one wanted me here. I was a pain to them, an annoyance. I was and still am this awkward thing they don't know how to deal with. I am sometimes treated like this cancer they can't get rid of and yet even when you left all of us, even when you destroyed Jacob they all still loved you and they welcomed you back without making you suffer. They treated you more like family then they treated me and I didn't like you for that and I was jealous of you. I don't like that you took my place in Emily's life. She was my best friend first." She paused in contemplation of her next words.

I was crying now, silent tears falling down my face. I could hear the pain and ache in her voice, how could I not know any of this, how come Jake or any other wolf not tell me? I knew that they knew how she felt but yet they kept silent and kept our canyon sized rift intact.

"I think one other thing that made my blood boil was because the Cullen's came here and caused the pack's change to occur I hated them. They destroyed lives because they chose to come back here where they knew wolves lived. They could have moved anywhere but chose here. Had they not come and caused our changes then I wouldn't have caused the death of my father. Their being here caused me to phase which caused his heart attack. I lost my father, my fiancé, and my best friend because they selfishly chose to come here."

"Then they left you and destroyed you worse than they destroyed any other life. They left you this heartless, soulless lump of a girl who was barely alive and thought of herself as a worthless being. I've seen through all of the packs memories of those first months after they left you Swan. You weren't in you, you were gone. They destroyed you so badly that you jumped off a cliff with a storm approaching to hear the voice of the boyfriend who dumped you and left you in the woods. All the memories I've seen are heartbreaking and painful and it is only because of Jake that you are even here. I figured with that with the hell they put you through. The self-hate they left you in. The two steps from dead without a second thought that you'd hate them as much as I and the pack do. You have every reason to hate them yet you don't. It pisses me off that you forgive them and still love them. You should at least be mad at them but you aren't even angry and that makes me angry. I wanted you to share in my hate of them but it's like you can't. Ugh." She finished and ran her hands through her short cropped bob and tugged in frustration.

"How could I hate the ones I saw as my family? I loved them and they only left because I know he asked them to. I know they left because he believed he was protecting me. I can't hate them; I don't know how to hate them. They gave me a family when I thought I'd be alone forever. Yes I have Charlie and Renee but I never really got to grow up with Charlie, having a father was more a concept than a reality and Renee I was more a mother to her than she to me. With the Cullen's I got a father and mother in Carlisle and Esme. I got the siblings I knew I'd never have in Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice. They were my family and yes they left but I don't doubt their love for me it's just that their love and loyalty to Edward was stronger. Yes they hurt me and yes he hurt me worse but I don't hate them nor am I angry with them, we just weren't meant to be. Had they not left I would have never come to Jacob, I would have never have known what it is to be loved by him and I would never have had my two beautiful angels, that I can't imagine not being in my life now."

"Leah I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but…I am so sorry. I am sorry for the pain you have gone through because of your change. I am sorry for the pain you were caused because of imprinting and the loss of two people you held dear. I'm sorry it took your father and now you have to travel through this world without him. I am sorry that you felt replaced by me in the lives of those you held dear, I didn't know and if I could do anything to change it I would."

"For what it's worth Swan I wish Jake had imprinted on you. You two really are great together and if he had, you two wouldn't have had to go through so much hell."

"I don't think Jake or I would have liked it if he had imprinted after his change. Now, I would love nothing more it would get rid of my biggest fear. I don't know about Jake now but for me a little weight off the shoulders would be nice."

"Why do you say not in the beginning when he first changed?"

"Jacob hates the idea of having his choices taken away from him. His change into a wolf was the first, having to keep me in the dark was the second, had he imprinted then, he would have felt he as well as I were being forced together. He would have fought it and we most likely wouldn't have gotten together for a very long time."

"But he already wanted you long before he wolfed out. You were his choice."

"Yeah he did want me but he knew that if there was an imprint then I would have been compelled to choose him because of it. He wanted me to choose him for him and him alone, which I eventually did do. He would have hated me choosing him for any other reason than to be with him."

"So you two are damned if you do and damned if you don't?"

"Pretty much, it only happens the first time they look at you and he's already done that, if it had happened then we wouldn't have gotten together like we did and he would have resented it when we finally did and now it's tearing us apart because it hasn't happened and I'm afraid of when it happens for him and some bimbo."

"You're the only thing besides the girls he thinks about, I don't know why but I believe him when he says you are his soul mate. You two know each other better than you know yourselves, it really creepy sometimes." She said with a small chuckle.

"I really want to believe that, and sometimes I do, it's just I'm afraid that if I give in and believe him fully then I'll have no one to blame but myself when I'm destroyed when he imprints."

"So you're just trying to protect your heart by pushing him away? But I can see it Swan you are destroying yourself by pushing him away and now your destroying him as well." I didn't know how to respond to what she said because it was all true. I knew it, she knew it and Jake knew it.

"Well I've had enough of this girly bonding shit. I'm off." With that Leah stood and walked off the porch and into the night.

"Good night Leah, thanks for the talk." I yelled out into the darkness

"Night, Swan." I heard come from the woods off to the side of the Uley house.

That had to be one of the most singularly odd experiences of my life. I just had a civil somewhat enlightening conversation with Leah Clearwater. Even though I just experienced it I still couldn't believe it.

I stayed on the porch running through everything that was said. She had made some really good points in reference to enjoying Jake while I had him and how he saw me but I just couldn't get over my fear. I had lived with it for so long and was controlled by it for so long I didn't know how to let it go and just be. Jake always says I worry too much and he's right but I don't know how to let it go.

I don't know how long after Leah left that I remained on the porch alone. I was still lost in my thoughts. This day had been way too eventful and I was going to have to spend the next few days processing all that had happened and what was said, only I knew I didn't have a few days. Jake would soon come for me for our 'chat' and he'd want us to work out our problem and I had no clue what to say to him anymore.

"Hey Bells, I got the girls all bathed, fed and changed for bed and moved the crib into the spare room where you'll be staying. Do you want me to help you change into some pajamas?" Rachel asked from the doorway.

"Uh yeah sure, thanks for helping with the girls and um…me. I wish you didn't have to help me."

"It's no problem Bella, they're my nieces and you're my sister of course I'd help you."

I stood up and followed her into the house. We walked into the kitchen where she handed me some more pills and a glass of water to chase them down. I took the pills and walked down the hall to my 'new' bedroom. I noticed my bags were already in here. I grabbed the duffel bag and pulled a suitable pair of pajamas out. I undid the sling on my arm and pulled the top shirt off over my head. I tried to take the tank off without help but it was futile. I couldn't get it off by myself so I waited for Rachel. She knocked and walked in the room. She quietly helped me out of the tank and into my pajama top. Next she helped me into my pajama pants. I had a feeling if I wanted to get dressed without help for the next several weeks I was going to be wearing a lot of sweats and pajamas around the res.

I walked into the living room to help her get the girls and carry them to the crib. Upon entering I froze. There on the couch was Jacob reclined and it looked like he was sleeping. But that wasn't the reason I froze, on his chest laid both girls sleeping soundly; one girl on one of each of his amazing pectorals. They both had their fists clenched and they were lying on his chest next to their tiny bodies. I could see all that I loved about his body but it wasn't just his body that had me reacting, the sight in front of me was beautiful. It was the most adorable thing I had ever seen and I could feel my heart melting. All three looked incredibly content and I couldn't find it in me to move them.

I heard the clicking of a shutter on a camera and looked towards the kitchen where both Emily and Rachel were furiously taking pictures of the sight before me. I noticed Rachel had my camera and was grateful, this was too cute to not capture on film.

I just stared at my family. Even though we weren't together at the moment we were a family. A beautiful family. I didn't want to let it go for anything. I didn't want anyone to come in the middle and break it up. I think in the back of my mind I had already made the decision but was ignoring what the voice was saying because my heart was still protesting. Yes Jake and the girls were my family but we would be no matter if Jake and I were together.

After their camera escapades Rachel and Emily moved to the couch to pick the girls up. I was grateful because I didn't know what to say to him and I knew he'd wake up if I walked near him to get the girls. He jolted awake and wound his arms around the girls as Rachel and Emily approached them, firmly holding the girls to him.

"Jake, we have to put the girls in the crib." Emily whispered as she reached for a baby. He loosened his arms and they were able to pick up the girls. I quickly got out of the room. What can I say, I'm chicken. Before Emily and Rachel left the room Emily turned to me.

"I'm taking the baby monitor into my room so that I can help you with the night feedings, if they cry and by chance neither Sam or I don't hear, please come and get me."

"You don't need to do that, if you just leave some prepared bottles in the fridge, about six then I can warm them up and you guys can sleep." I felt bad that she was planning on getting up at night with the girls. She had enough on her hands with feeding the pack and keeping her house she didn't need to lose sleep at night as well.

"You sure, it's not a problem for either of us." She sounded uneasy.

"I'm sure, you guys do enough for me as is, get your sleep, and I can handle nightly feedings if the bottles are made." I tried to assure her.

"Okay, if you're sure, I'll make some more bottles up and set them in the fridge."

"Positive, and thank you Emily for everything, you have no clue how much it means to me."

"Not a problem, good night Bella."

"Night, Emily." She shut the light off and then shut the door.

I situated myself to lie comfortably on the bed. Once I had my casted arm propped I succumbed to the drug induced sleep my pain meds allowed. I was nearly asleep when I heard my bedroom door open and then quickly if not almost silently close. I heard no one but I knew that didn't mean much. Three years with the supernatural told me they were silent as ghosts.

Ten seconds after the door had closed I knew who was in the room. I couldn't explain why now all of a sudden I had this weird connection with him but I knew he was here. I felt the hair on my forearms and the back of my neck stand up. I could feel he was standing behind me by the bed before I felt it sink under his weight. He crawled into bed and adjusted his position to be on his side and more comfortable. He then silently pulled my body flush with his and snaked his arm around my waist but remained silent.

I wanted to protest, needed to protest. Without words he was breaking down my resolve and I think he knew it. He had promised he'd fight me on this and he was. He knew being close like this weakened any arguments I could come up with, but my mind was screaming at me to tell him to leave, that I was going to get hurt if I gave in. My body and heart were praising his ingenious idea because his heat, his body, his closeness is exactly what they were craving. I don't know if it was the medicated haze I was in or if my body was wining the argument with my mind at the moment but the moment he placed a kiss to the back of my head and pulled me as close as physically possible, I quit the fight for the night. I sighed and snuggled back into him and for the first time in a long time I started falling blissfully asleep in the arms of the love of my life. I had let all worries go and just felt his closeness. As I drifted off I heard him.

"I'm not giving you up again Bells, if I have to fight you to have you, so be it, but I can't live without you being mine. I tried to do it for six months and it was hell. You are mine and I am yours and you can't say differently. I love you Bells, with all I am. Goodnight my beautiful pups." My head shut up its protests and I fell into a blissful dreamless sleep.

I woke up feeling refreshed. I noticed several things when I woke. One, Jacob was no longer in the bed with me and two it was day time. I could see the dreary gray sky that signaled life in the Olympic Peninsula. I don't remember ever waking up last night with the girls which I found to be odd. I didn't believe for one moment that they had slept through the night at their age. I stretched and rolled out of bed. I grabbed my sling and put it on with a little difficulty. I made my way to the crib to see the girls asleep. As quietly as possible I walked out of the room shutting the door behind me.

I walked into the kitchen where I had heard humming. I noticed that Emily was as usual slaving away at the stove. She was busy making a large breakfast and she didn't hear me enter the room. I walked to the cupboard grabbed a glass and I saw in the corner of my eye Emily jump.

"Bella you scared me. How'd you sleep last night?"

"Uh…fine. Actually I slept the whole night. Sorry you had to get up with the girls, I didn't intend to sleep that deep; I think it had something to do with the pain meds I took before I went to bed."

"Bella neither Sam nor I got up with the girls last night, we didn't hear anything from them." She said.

I walked to the fridge and notice there were only two bottles in there. I looked back in the sink and saw four empty bottles sitting in the drying rack. If Sam, Emily or I didn't get up with the girls yet they drank two bottles each. Just as I was getting more confused about what happened last night I was reminded that Jacob was in bed with me when I fell asleep. My heart melted a little at the thought of him taking care of their nightly feedings.

"Emily was Jacob here when you woke up?"

"Yeah he and Sam left for patrols not long after I got up."

The morning passed quickly with wolves coming in and out of the house grabbing breakfast and either going on patrol or hanging around the house. Not long after I had woken up Rachel had come to the house and help me get dressed for the day in another tank and a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. It was supposed to be nice today, not sunny but nice. Once I was dressed I helped her to the best of my current ability to get the girls dressed and ready for the day. A blanket was laid out in the middle of the living room floor and they were placed on it with some of their toys.

Thankfully Seth stayed away because I just didn't know how to deal with him right now. I love Seth, I really do but the imprint; I just couldn't wrap my brain around it and be okay with him near Charlotte at the moment. I'd acquiesce and let him see her, only because it would be bad for him if he didn't, but I didn't want to be in the room when he did see her.

After lunch the house occupants had dwindled down to Emily, Rachel, the girls and I. The girls were currently down for a nap and Emily, Rachel, and I were watching some chick flick on the TV. I heard a knock on the door.

"I'll get it Em." I called back behind me as I heard the girls wake up with a cry. As I reached the door I saw that Emily and Rachel were walking back into the room to grab the girls. I opened the door and was completely shocked into silence.

"Oh my god baby, are you okay!" Renee yelled out as she pulled me into a hug that could have competed with the wolves for force.

"Air," I choked out and she quickly released me.

"Mom, I'm fine, it was just a concussion and a broken arm, and I've had both before." I tried to console. I was highly aware that Emily and Rachel were still in the bedroom with the girls and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to tell my mom she was a grandmother. It was easier to tell Charlie, Billy, Sam and Jacob combined then to tell Renee.

"I was so worried when Charlie called and told me Friday about your accident, that I planned on getting the quickest flight out but he convinced me that you'd be fine and to come when my flight was already scheduled. So here I am so you're going to tell me what's been going on with you."

"Okay Mom, how about we go sit in the living room and we can talk." I hoped that Emily and Rachel heard who was here and stayed in the bedroom.

"Bella, why when I went to Charlie's, did he say that you are staying here on the reservation?"

"Oh, because of the cast, I uh…need help getting dressed and I need help to shower so I don't get the cast wet. So Emily offered for me to stay in her and Sam's spare room till I was better."

"Oh…" but she was interrupted by my lack of luck as Emily and Rachel walked into the living room.

"Bella who was at the door?" Rachel asked

"Oh my goodness, Rachel Black? You look so much like your mother" Renee exclaimed.

"Hello Renee it's good to see you." Rachel replied blushing a little.

"And Bella who is this?" Renee asked pointing at Emily.

"Mom this is Emily Young, you've heard me talk about her, this is her place and her fiancé is Sam Uley."

"Hello Emily, thank you so much for helping Bella, but I can see you two have your hands full right now. Bella why didn't you tell me Rachel was pregnant?" My eyes bugged out. Renee thought…she actually thought the twins were Rachel's.

"Why would you think they are Rachel's mom?" I could feel myself starting hyperventilate. She thought the girls were Rachel's, how was she going to react when she found out they were mine."

"Well of course they're Rachel's both of them have Billy's face and they definitely have the Black's nose. They both look like little Jacob's. I mean they look almost exactly like he did when he was a baby." Renee supplied. I sometimes forget that she knew Jacob and Rachel when they were babies. I forget that she was close to Sarah as well.

"Um mom, there's a reason they look like Jacob…"

"Bella?"

"They aren't Rachel's children…they are…um…mine and Jacob's children." I said in a near whisper.

"Bella what are you talking about, they can't be yours, that's impossible."

"They're mine; I gave birth nine weeks ago." I was looking down at the living room floor I didn't want to see the look on her face.

"Bella, baby…is that what… is this why?" She stopped speaking and paused. I let her be and collect her thoughts. Rachel walked up to me and I sat back on the couch, tucked my legs up under me and she laid Juliana in my lap and then handed me her pacifier. Emily and Rachel then took a spot to sit on each side of me, lending their silent support. Emily was cradling Charlotte on her shoulder so that she was close to me.

"Bella, when you called me last week you said you had something big to tell me about why you ran away, is this why you ran, because you were pregnant?"

"Mom when I found out I was pregnant I freaked, panicked and ran as far and as fast as I could. I didn't think of anyone but me and I'm sorry but yes I ran because I was pregnant and this is what I wanted to tell you in person and not over the phone. I wanted you to meet your granddaughters."

"Bella, I thought we talked about contraception and sex. How did this happen?" she asked and I wanted to make a flippant comment like 'we had sex' but I didn't.

"I…we got lost in the moment and didn't think about the consequences"

"Did he pressure you into it?"

"What god no, we made the decision, if anything I pressured him."

"Bella I thought I made you understand the gravity of this choice, I didn't want you to make the same mistakes I made." Hurt and anger flushed through me at that moment.

"The mistake of having me?" I asked glibly.

"Bella…" She tried to say but I cut her off.

"No…My children are not mistakes, nor are they unwanted. They haven't ruined my life or my choices. I do not regret bringing them into this world. I am sorry you feel that I am a mistake but you have no right to imply that my daughters are such."

"I never meant to imply that I thought you were a mistake. You aren't and I know they aren't either. I just wanted better for you Bella. I wanted you to go to college and then marry and start a family. I wanted you to have choices, freedom to choose where you wanted to go in life and not be strapped down by responsibilities too early."

"Mom, I haven't known what I wanted to do with my life for a long time, so they didn't take anything away from me and I did choose to go where I wanted, here. I love it here, its home. I love my girls and I will never regret the choices that brought them to me. I know I chose a hard road but I will walk it with my head held high and a bounce in my step because it may not be traditional but this is the path I have chosen to take. The life I will live."

"We'll give you two some time to talk some more. Bella if you need anything we'll be in the back yard working on the garden. There are two bottles already made up in the fridge." Emily said as Rachel stood and then they both walked out of the house.

"Bella what are you going to do now?" With that question I knew I was in for a long afternoon.

A/N: So this story has reached over 300 reviews and I can't believe it. Thank you so much Lyssa03 for being the 300th reviewer. Thank you to everyone who reads, favorites, alerts and reviews this story. It really means a lot to see the reaction to my first story. I am a little nervous with the two conversations in this chapter so please let me know what you're thinking.


	16. Our True Ages

**Disclaimer:** All Characters within the world of Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyers, I do not own, nor do I make anything from my works.

Ch. 16

Our True Ages

"What…What do you mean?"

"I mean, how are you and Jacob working things out? What are your plans to support your children? What are your plans for you, where are you going to live? You can't raise your children in Charlie's small house and I doubt that your friends are going to let you stay long." Who was this person talking to me, I had no clue.

"Where is this coming from mom? You aren't the person who makes plans; you are the fly by the seat of your pants, why all of a sudden are you interested in my life plans?"

"Bella you need a plan. You have two babies to care for and raise. You are a single mother and it will not be easy if you don't have a plan on where you'll live, what you'll do then you're going to struggle doing the basics and you'll rot away on this reservation."

"Mom I may be currently single but I am not alone in raising my girls. Jacob and I are together on this not to mention a very large support system behind us to help. What I plan on doing to support myself and my children is that Emily and I are going to open a café. That gives me the ability to have flexible hours to care for my girls and an income as well. And just because you hate it here doesn't mean I do. This place is my home. I love it here and I love the people more. Just because you felt stifled doesn't mean I do."

"What about this baby, what if you come back with me and Phil to Jacksonville. You already have a nice room at our house and we could make room for the girls there as well. I could help you take care of the girls while you work during the day and you can start to get on your feet."

"Have you even listened to a word I said? Jacob and I are raising our girls, here. I am going to be working, here. I will not be going back to Jacksonville with you. I am NOT leaving Jacob again. I may have made scarily similar mistakes to you but I am not going to repeat any nor am I you. I am not you; I make my own mistakes and have my own problems. I can't fix these problems the way you fixed yours."

"I know you want to do this with Jacob but Bella you need to think about what is best for you and I think that letting me help you get on your feet is just what you need."

"No mom. Leaving Jacob is not what is best for me. I've done it once and it was hell. I will not leave him and I will not take the girls from him. He's their father. I will not have my daughters grow up without their father like I did. He will be in their life every day. I am no longer living my life to be just what's best for me; it has to be what's best for them. Being here is best for them."

"So are you saying that I shouldn't have moved with you, that I should have stayed here and been unhappy?"

"Mom, you are telling me to do what's best for me in this situation, not what was best for you in yours. Do I wish that I had spent more time with Charlie growing up, more than just a few holidays and a few weeks in the summer, then yes. Maybe if I had had a more constant male role model than I had growing up then maybe I wouldn't have grown up with such a lack of self confidence. But what's done is done and we can't go back. But I can insure that they have what I didn't." I was angry and I couldn't believe the woman I called mother was only thinking about herself. She had been here for quite a while and had yet to ask to meet her grandchildren. I didn't even want to examine the wound that left on me.

"I'm sorry Bella I with…I just couldn't stay here any longer. I wish you hadn't made such an irresponsible decision."

"What decision would that be mother, because I believe the majority of the decisions you wouldn't be happy with you have made yourself so you really have no right to judge me. Let's see; unprotected sex that led to underage pregnancy, check. Running from father of child with child in tow, check; keeping said child from father, check. So what decision are you unhappy with."

"Bella you have no right to speak to me like this."

"You're judging me and telling me I'm doing everything wrong instead of supporting me. I have acted mature for my age my entire life. I was more of a mother to you than you were to me. For once I acted my age and had sex with my boyfriend and yes I got pregnant but you are my mother and you should be supporting me."

"Bella I am supporting you, I only want to help."

"By convincing me to yet again leave here and leave Jacob?"

"Bella do you really think you and he will work out?"

"What the hell Renee, now you're trying to convince me that Jacob and I won't work out? Why because you and dad didn't? I'm not you and Jacob's not dad. The problems currently between Jacob and I are just that between Jacob and I and we will work them out. You have no right to do what you're doing."

"I just don't want to see you hurt when this doesn't work out baby, you've been hurt before?"

"I know that you really didn't get to know Jacob when we visited last and you only really remember him as a young child but Jacob loves me. He loves me so much and in ways I can't explain to you. I know you think he's just a teenage boy who took advantage of his inexperienced girlfriend but you're wrong. His love for me isn't a boy for a girl it's a man's love for a woman. He loves me flaws and all and see's the beauty in me where I can't. Jacob is not Edward. He couldn't do what Edward did to me. I know hurt, you don't need to remind me mom but Jacob is physically unable to ever hurt me in any way." I didn't want to continue this argument with the girls in the room so I stood and took Juliana into the bedroom and placed her in the crib with the pacifier in her mouth and then returned to the living room.

"Bella, you two are young the chances that you'll work out are slim."

"You're right the world's against us, the tribes against us, but we don't care and you shouldn't either. Jacob makes me happy, he makes me better than I would be without him and he loves me, what more do you want?" I pulled Charlotte out of the carrier Emily had placed her in before she went outside carefully and put her in the crib with Juliana. When I went into the living room I could tell she wanted to say something more but I had something I needed to say.

"You know you've been here for quite a while now with the girls in the room and you've spent the entire time basically yelling at me but not once, not once have you asked to meet your granddaughters. They have been in the room the entire time and not once did you even look at them. They are your blood and you seem not to even care. I screwed up royally by leaving, but I am on my way to fix it and all you can do is question my current life and the decisions I've made when you should be supporting me and eagerly meeting your grandchildren. All you're doing is trying to get me to leave Forks. It's not happening; I'm not leaving Jacob again. It will kill me and him. I know you think we can't be in as love as we are, as young as we are. You're wrong."

"Now I need a break from this conversation. I think it's best for you to head back to Forks and go stay wherever you're staying. I'll talk to you later." With that I walked out the same door Emily and Rachel had walked out to find them.

"Hey Em, Rach?"

"Yeah Bella, over here." I heard Emily yell out. I walked in that direction.

"Um do you think that you two could watch the girls for a while, I uh…I need to cool off for a little bit and get out of the house. I can't be there right now with her still in there." I was fighting angry tears and heartbreaking tears. I couldn't believe everything that had come out of her mouth; it was like she wasn't even my mother.

"Sure thing sweetie, where you heading so that the boys know where you are?" Rachel asked.

"I'll um…maybe I'll go to the beach or maybe…, I don't know."

"It's okay Bella, we got the girls covered, go get some time to yourself." I nodded my appreciation and turned to walk away.

I made my way down the road that led to First Beach. I just absently walked running the conversation with Renee through my head. The words she said, the things she implied were unbelievable.

Before I realized where I was going I was at the front door of the little red house I adored. I didn't know why I ended up here but I hoped no one was here. I needed to be alone.

I had spent the majority of the last few days stuffing major events that should have overpowered me. I was fighting breaking a part. I nearly did it yesterday when Seth imprinted. I could feel it, the weight of everything I was repressing pushing down on me. I was losing my fight with keeping it from all coming down on me at once.

I made my way to the kitchen to get a drink of water and then I sat on the floor against the counter as it all fell apart.

Everything was coming out now and I couldn't contain the sobs. I was feeling the guilt of leaving. The guilt of putting Jacob through all that pain. I was feeling the immense weight it would be to keep my head above water in relation to raising my girls. My bank account was almost empty and now with my cast I won't even be able to get a job to help me survive. I was guilty because I was keeping a secret from Jacob regarding the girls but was to afraid he'd hate me if he knew the truth about Juliana.

I was feeling the guilt that again innocent people were dying because of me. Dozens and dozens of people had already died because Victoria felt their deaths would help bring about mine. Mothers and fathers have lost children. Husbands had lost wives and wives, husbands. Sons and daughters have lost parents all because someone wanted me dead. I was responsible for their deaths.

I was feeling the guilt that the pack's lives were put on hold to hunt down the vampire that was hunting me. They were risking their lives every day for me and I could offer them nothing but gratitude in return. I felt horribly inept and helpless.

I hated myself for hurting Jacob and turning away from him because I was afraid. I wanted to be with him more than anything. I just didn't know if I could see past imprinting and be with him.

I don't know how long I laid on the Black's kitchen floor just crying about everything. I was literally unable to get up under the weight of everything pressing down on me. I knew I couldn't stay here forever and I didn't have time to process everything but I didn't know if I could just stuff everything back down either so I did nothing but feel everything.

I felt myself being picked up in strong warm arms and placed on a sturdy lap but gave it no mind past the movement. I had nothing left to do anything more.

I was replaying the past week, the past months all back to the day in January when I decided to leave. I was replaying all the pain I've been in and put the people I loved through.

I knew Renee was angry and hurt with me for leaving and not telling anyone where I was. I knew she was just taking her pain out on me but I couldn't condone the way she spoke to me or forgive the things she said. I was hurt beyond measure by her words and actions.

"Bells honey, what's wrong? What happened?" I heard Jacob ask through my tears. When I realized it was him I clung to him. I didn't care we were in an undefined stage because I just needed him at the moment. I didn't respond just clung to him tighter, my uninjured arm wrapped tightly around his neck the other trapped between us and my face firmly planted in the crook of his neck as I continued to cry. I felt him run a soothing track of aimless circles on my back so light that I barely noticed him doing it and not aggravating my bruised back, trying to soothe me and I sunk more into his arms.

"Baby please tell me what's wrong. I went to the house and Rach said that your mom came by and you left before she did, and you asked Em and Rach to watch the girls. They said the portion of the conversation they heard didn't go well and that when you left you didn't look to good. What happened honey?" His voice was soft but filled with pain because he didn't know how to get me to stop crying.

I tried to tell him, tried to get the words out but all that happened was a replay of everything and I cried some more. I knew I probably looked like a disgusting snot monster but didn't care. I couldn't hold any more in. If I couldn't process everything I had to just deal with this.

"Shh baby, take a deep breath and try to tell me. I can't fix anything if you don't tell me. Please honey let me make it better?" He pleaded.

I fought to calm the sobs coming from my chest. I took deep shuddering breaths in an effort to even them out and speak. Seemingly to make me or him more comfortable, Jake picked me up and placed me on his lap so that I was straddling him, my knees bent and resting by his hips. I readjusted my hold on him and snuggled my head deeper into his neck. He unhooked my sling and I wrapped my casted arm around his neck as well.

My sobs had stopped, my breathing had somewhat evened out but the tears still fell. I was unable to speak yet so I just breathed my Jacob in. His scent calmed me better than Juliana's did and I drug it into my lungs like a balm to my festering guilt filled wounds. My breathing still shuddered my shaking body and he still ran his palms flat on my back up and down while I calmed enough to speak.

"Please Bells, please tell me what happened and what's wrong, it's killing me seeing you like this." He said and then placed a kiss to the top of my head but he waited for me to speak. I took a deep breath preparing to speak.

"Jake…" My voice sounded wrong. It was scratchy and thick. I tried clearing it.

"Yeah Bells?"

"You smell good." I said and then took a deep breath filled with him.

"Thank you and you smell good too."

"I love you."

"I love you to and as much as I love hearing you say that, I know that wasn't what had you crying." He chuckled humorlessly.

"Renee came to see me at Emily's; she said that she went to Charlie's and he told her where to find me. She said she was so worried about me because of the accident and how she wanted to come up right away but Charlie told her to come when she planned. The whole time she was talking Rachel and Emily were in the bedroom with the girls they had just woken up from their nap. I wanted them to stay in the room so I could explain everything to her in a way that she wouldn't freak out so I invited her to come talk about everything in the living room."

"She only asked about me staying on the res. and then Emily and Rachel walked into the room, Rachel asking who it was at the door. My mom was so excited to see Rachel and she said she looked so much like your mom. She noticed the girls then and gushed about how beautiful Rachel's children were and how they had this trait of Billy's or this trait of the Black's and then she said how they looked like you when you were a baby; that they looked like little you's."

"The shock in her eyes when I told her they were mine and everything just went downhill from there." I shook my head to get the images out.

"What went wrong Bells?" His voice was still soft but I could hear something in the undertones that bellied the softness he was exuding.

"At first she didn't believe that they were mine, said it was impossible and then when she finally regained the ability to speak she just started asking how it had happened, 'hadn't she and I talked about contraception and then she asked if you pressured me. You'd think you were the older one in our relationship with the way people have reacted to the pregnancy."

"Bella do you think I pressured you into being with me that way?" His voice couldn't hide his genuine fear.

"Of course not. Jacob I am the older one of the two of us, I was supposed to be the more responsible of the two of us, if I didn't want to make love to you I wouldn't have. I decided I wanted to be with you and we chose to do that together there was no pressure involved."

"I'm assuming that didn't send you running from the house?"

"No, she then implied that she taught me better than to make the mistake I made, the mistake that ruined my life like she did. I asked her if she meant me. I was so hurt and angry that I wanted to hit her. I didn't like that she insinuated that the girls are mistakes because they aren't and they haven't ruined our lives."

"I'm taking that it didn't get better after that?" His voice was hard and I knew he was mad.

"No, not long after that I think Emily and Rachel got uncomfortable and they went outside and then the talk declined fast." I took a deep breath and continued. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him.

I then told him what she said after that. I told him how she tried to get me to go back to Jacksonville with her in the guise of her helping me with the girls and helping me get back on my feet. I told him no matter how many times I told her I wasn't leaving Forks or him she wouldn't listen. I told him how she kept saying that I and he wouldn't work out and we'd end in pain just like her and Charlie.

"I was so hurt and furious and she kept going at me and wouldn't drop anything, she didn't listen to anything I said. What hurts the worst is that the entire time she was there, going at me trying to get me to go back with her and give everything up here the babies were in the room. The moment she learned they were ours she quit looking at them. The entire time she didn't look at them and she didn't ask to meet her grandchildren. It's like she ignored the fact that they even existed at all. After I told her that I just had to get out of there. I asked Emily and Rachel to watch the girls and I walked away. I was going to walk to First Beach but ended up here. Everything that I have been trying not to think about came down and I just broke Jake."

"Honey what's everything? What are you holding in, in that pretty little head of yours?" His words were light but still the concern was laced in every word. I turned my head from the crook to the side and laid my head on his chest and he moved his head to rest on mine. We sat there together for several minutes not saying anything. I was reveling in his warmth and closeness. In these quiet moments I could forget all my pain and worries and just drift in our own little world.

"I'm scared Jake."

"Of what Victoria? You know I won't let her get anywhere near you. I know that that vampire did last week but I won't let her get to you and take you away from me, it is my job to protect you and the girls and I'll do that to my very last breath."

"I'm afraid I'm going to lose you Jake." I said quietly and began running the fingers of my right hand back and forth on his unclothed chest.

"I promise you'll never lose me."

"You can't promise that. You could get hurt fighting vampires and not come back, or you could get into a car accident or…or."

"Or I could imprint?"

"Yeah," I sadly said, fighting the tears that threatened to fall at the thought.

"I've told you before I won't imprint, that you're my soul mate, why won't you believe me?"

"I want to but, I can't, too many things are telling me you will. First in the entire wolf history not one Alpha is known to have not imprinted and you may not be Alpha but it is in your blood. You can't deny that because you are bigger than Sam. Not only that but your daughter, the next in the line of Black's was just imprinted on. As much as I don't like the imprint it seems to prove that your soul mate is out there and you'll find her."

"I don't know how to explain this to you Bells, but when I say I don't want anyone else, nor do I see anyone else I don't and it's like my wolf doesn't either. So how can I imprint when my wolf and me only see you." He said quietly and sweetly and placed a kiss to the top of my head.

"Now I heard what you said to Leah, how you thought I was worth the fight, did you mean that?" He asked.

"You are, sometimes I just wish I knew who I had to fight, and sometimes I think I should just fight you. I know yesterday I told you that I couldn't be with you and at the time I meant it. It is just too painful a thought to lose you. But talking to Leah and defending you to my mom put a lot in perspective for me. I'm keeping us apart because of one thing, granted a big thing, but only one. No one will love me like you do and no one knows me like you do. I just have to get over my fear and be with you and believe we are meant to be together."

"Bella I promised I'd fight for you and I will because I want nothing more than for you to be with me again, to be mine. I want to go to bed every night with you and wake up with you in my arms. I want to make love to you every waking moment of the day. I want to raise our girls together and watch me when I chase off any boy that comes within two hundred feet of our pups. I want to make a dozen more babies with you and see them growing in that beautiful belly of yours. I want to marry you because saying the name 'Bella Black' does the most wonderful things to my heart. I want to grow old with you and sit on our porch as we wait for our children to come over with their children."

"You can't promise you won't imprint, you don't know for sure?"

"Okay I'll quit promising I won't imprint if you'll be mine again."

"I miss you."

"As I miss you, so will you be mine again?"

"Will you leave me alone if I say no?" I ask my voice light and joking.

"No I won't, I'll hound you like the dog I am until you and our pups are under the same roof as me."

"So you'll leave me alone if I say yes?"

"You say yes and the first opportune moment I get you alone and I am going to lick and devour your body from head to toe and then I'm never letting you go again."

"When did you become as pervy as Quil?"

"What can I say honey, having you this close to me is driving me crazy and all I want right now is you."

"I love you Jake and being without you is too painful, I'm just so scared so I'm not going to say yes, but I'm not saying no. I just…I wanna say I need time but that's not it…we've had enough time apart, how about we don't move in together under the same roof for a little while?"

"I'm okay with that because even though Charlie now has proof I deflowered his little girl and hasn't shot me I don't think he'd grant me the same courtesy if we shacked up right now; I really don't want to test my healing capabilities at the moment."

"Really Jake? Deflowered?" I said with a smile on my face.

"Yes Bells deflowered or would you rather call it taking your maiden head, stealing your innocence, destroying your virtue, poppin' your cherry, would you like me to go on or is there another more appropriate term you'd use?" I could feel his smile on the top of my head and the joy it brought I hadn't felt in a very long time.

"Please don't and I believe I'm the destroyer of virtue considering I'm the older of the two of us."

"I believe that at last count I was the older one at thirty-eight and you were what, thirty-two?"

"Yes that was the total at last count but it has been quite a while since we last calculated, I could now be much older than you, you know?" I tried to hedge.

"But we haven't so until further notice I'm the older virtue stealing werewolf" Mirth was thick in his voice.

"Sure, sure, think what you will." I loved this. We were joking and everything was light. We weren't talking about anything serious we were just being Jake and Bells. I sighed and relaxed further into him.

This was something I missed so much the last six and a half months. I missed my best friend. I could always tell Jake everything and even though we were in a romantic relationship as well, he was still my best friend. We could go from declarations of love to being silly. I couldn't really describe the healing my heart did while we were laughing together.

"Bells?" He cleared his throat, he was getting serious again.

"Yeah Jake?"

"I know the things your mom said hurt, and I know you told her off, but do you think she was right? I can't leave the res. I'm stuck here as long as I'm a wolf and then I'll probably have council duties that will keep me here. Don't you have dreams of living in a big city or going to college or traveling around the world?"

"She's not right Jake. Before I moved here I figured after high school I'd go to college but I didn't know for what, probably Literature or something but I was never sure. I figured I had six months to a year to pick a school and then two years of gen eds to do before I really had to pick a major. Then I met the Cullen's and any planning I should have done I didn't do. By the time I graduated I planned on being a member of their family. I highly doubted that I'd be going to school for several years after words so I didn't make plans. Then they left and I didn't think farther ahead than trying to live through the pain. By the time I came to you I still hadn't thought much of the future besides the one I lost. When I graduated I knew I was going to take a year off to figure out what to do. By the time I should have made a decision I had already found out I was pregnant."

"I don't think college is for me Jake. Sure I could go to Peninsula Community College in PA for business classes to help me and Em out with the café but I don't need a degree. I like the idea of living and working on the res. Forks and La Push are my home. I don't need or want to live in a big city. And traveling the world? I figure I've had enough adventure for several lifetimes here. I want to live here with you; it's my choice, not hers."

"So you don't mind living your life on the res.?"

"No I don't mind spending my life with you on the res."

"Okay, so we've covered your mom and we've covered us, what else had you crying Bella?"

"What didn't have me shedding tears this afternoon? I've spent the last week and a half ignoring and shoving everything down to deal with later. My brain decided today was the day to think about it." I knew I was being vague and not telling him what he wanted to hear but there were things I wasn't willing to tell him. I just got him back and I didn't want to lose him.

"You can tell me you know? Maybe talking about it will help you deal with everything."

So I told him everything I was willing to tell him. I told him how I feared for him and the wolves against the new army Victoria was building. I told him how the pressure of raising our girls scared the shit out of me. I told him how the guilt of all the lives lost because Victoria wanted me dead made me feel like a miserable human being. I refused to tell him about my guilt about Juliana. He sat and listened to me talk till I no longer had the voice to speak. He tried to soothe the things he could soothe. When he knew there was nothing he could say to comfort me he just let me speak, getting all my worries out of my mind.

When I was done I just laid my head back into the crook of his neck and let his scent soothe the tears that began flowing again. I took deep breaths and soon I was succumbing to sleep.

I barely felt when he shifted me in his arms, but I woke enough to rebury myself into his warmth. I felt when he stood but made no effort to open my eyes and demand he let me walk. I woke only briefly as he laid me in my bed at Sam and Emily's. I vaguely heard him speaking to Charlie on the phone but what about I had no clue. In my haze of sleep I heard him and Emily place the girls in the crib. I felt him as he crawled into bed with me, wrapped me in his arms, kissed me on the back of my head and I fell in a deep sleep where my only dreams were of the future Jake and I were going to have. Of a world that no longer held any of my current problems and worries.

**A/N:** Thank you to all that read, alert, favorite, and review this story. I can't explain how much it means that you read my story week after week. I love to read the responses you make to my work, it gives me the incentive to work my hardest on this story. I'm a bit worried about the Renee portion of this chapter.

Please let me know what you think.


	17. The Rabbit Hole & Other Disasters

**Disclaimer:** I don't own, it all belongs to another and I am not she.

Ch. 17

The Rabbit Hole and Other Disasters

I woke up the next morning much like the day before. I was sad that Jacob wasn't in bed with me and I noticed that again I had had a silent night where he must have taken care of the girls. I found it interesting that he seemed to get to the girls before I could even hear them. Stupid werewolf super senses.

I realized that the sling I should be reaching for wasn't in the room, meaning it was still in the Black's kitchen. Climbing out of bed in the clothes I had worn the day before I made my way to the Uley's kitchen where I heard Emily, Rachel and Kim chatting idly around the stove which was brimming with food. The moment I walked in the room they all snapped to attention. I narrowed my eyes at them; they had been talking about me.

"Hey how you feeling today, do you need any pain meds, you didn't get any most of the day and then you were out like a light when Jake brought you over here last night?" Rachel asked softly.

"Um…" I had to actually think too engrossed on what they could have been talking about. "Yeah my arm hurts; I should probably take the meds. Then, um, Rach could you help me shower and clean up?" I asked softly still embarrassed I needed help showering and getting dressed.

"Of course, here you go." She said as she opened the pill bottle to take the prescribed amount out and handed it to me as Kim handed me a glass of water. I took the pills and then set the glass in the sink. All three were giving me wary looks. The kitchen was uncomfortably silent and I didn't like it. This house was usually buzzing and it being so quiet set me on edge.

"Okay guys what's going on?"

"Were making breakfast for the guys?" Emily said as she turned back to the pots on the stove.

"Okay cut the bull, you are acting all shifty; tell me what's going on."

"Well we're worried about you, we don't know what happened yesterday with your mom but by what Jake said it was pretty bad. He said you cried for hours and then he got you calmed down and you two talked and said you passed out on him. When he brought you back he put you in bed and then called Charlie. I haven't seen him that mad in a while and I've never heard him speak to Charlie like that before, really I've never heard him speak to anyone like that before." Emily said as Rachel nodded to confirm.

"Jake yelled at Charlie?" I asked in disbelief, I emphasized each word unable to believe them as they passed my lips.

"Yeah he ended up going outside to that he didn't wake you or upset the girls." Rachel supplied. Kim didn't look surprised so I'm guessing she heard all of this already.

"What…Why…" I stopped to organize my thoughts through the shock.

"What was Jake upset about that had him chewing Charlie out, Charlie did nothing wrong?" I finally got out.

"Jake was furious that Charlie sent Renee here without any warning. Jake told him what Renee said to you and then informed him that until Renee's attitude changed she was not welcomed onto the res. He said that you were supposed to stay stress free and he didn't appreciate that Renee caused you to have a break down. He told Charlie that if he didn't pass the message on to Renee then he wasn't welcome to see his granddaughters either." Blank. My mind was blank in reaction to what I was just told. This was not going to really help their already strained relationship. I had a horrible feeling this was going to turn into a pissing match and Charlie had no idea he was going up against a pissed off Alpha wolf trying to protect his pups and their mother.

"God damn it Jake. Why couldn't he just leave it be?" I cried out in frustration.

"Bella you know my brother, he see's your mother as a threat to your health and happiness, and if Charlie condones her actions he's going to see him the same way. You've been through a lot this past week and you falling apart scared the shit out of him, he is only trying to reduce the load you're carrying." Rachel said.

"Ugh, I just…he's already doing so much for me, he doesn't need…this is pointless isn't it, my complaining about this?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Yep, Jake protects his own the best way he knows how and of all of us, you are his. He wants nothing more than for you to be happy Bella even if it means keeping your mother from you." Kim answered.

"So where is everybody? I know Jake and Sam are patrolling in the morning so where is everyone else; considering all this food, the pack should be clamoring around begging like hungry puppies." For a tiny instant the three of them froze and then returned to their relaxed nonchalance.

"Christ, I hate it when shit is kept from me for 'my protection'," I made the air quotes.

"Jake and Sam found several trails on patrol this morning, they were fresh and they weren't from Victoria or the vamp that attacked you last week, they have the pack hunting the trails down. Seth, Quil and Brady are patrolling the res and Forks. Seth came in about ten minutes before you woke up to say most of the pack was near the Canadian Border. Seth told me that Sam said that if they can't find them soon they will head back and to not let you worry." Emily informed me and I tried to do what she said and not worry.

"Okay, so while were waiting, Rach, you want to help me?" I needed a nice warm shower to wash away yesterday's tears and my current worries.

"Yep let's go." She motions towards the bathroom and grabs a plastic bag from the kitchen for my arm.

Once showered we went back into the bedroom and notice the girls aren't in the crib, I figured that they must've woken while I was showering and Emily and Kim went in to get them. Rachel helps me dress; she tries to find the warmest clothes I packed because it is cold and rainy out today. Surprisingly I forgot to pack anything for cold weather. To make sure I stayed warm, Rachel went to go borrow a long sleeve t-shirt from Emily for me to wear. Rachel helped me brush my hair and she put it up into a loose braid.

We walked into the living room where I sat between Emily and Kim who were feeding the girls. I just sat and stared at them. I knew I shouldn't do it but I couldn't help it. I ran the words Renee spoke to me over and over through my head. I knew she was wrong but looking at my girls confirmed it more for me. I thought about how if in sixteen years either of them did what I did; did what Renee had done and gotten pregnant if I would feel the same as Renee and I knew I wouldn't. I would be disappointed in them like I was in myself but I would support them and be their strong foundation. I would be someone for them to lean on because life was going to be hard enough for them, they didn't need me being hard on them as well.

I had grown up my entire life knowing Renee was a flake and very self centered but she had been there for me. She tried to instill in me the importance of fulfilling ones goals. Of knowing who you were before you let someone else try to define you. I bet she thought I failed at this and to a point she was right. She thinks that because I was now a teen mother that I had lost the ability to fulfill my goals and dreams. The only thing is, is that my dreams were not what she expected. I didn't need to make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to be happy, I didn't need an enormous house to be happy and have self worth. I was happy to love and be loved by my rather large and extended family. As much of a hassle the world of the supernatural had made my life it had given me more than I had ever known to ask for. I had no apparitional goals in the form of a career. Now that Emily brought up the idea of a café or restaurant it was slowly becoming a goal and dream for me. Renee just didn't want to listen and actually hear that. She was too concerned her only child was going to remain in the one place she viewed as prison.

She had been worried that I was too young to have the relationship I was now bound to have with Jacob. We were more than just teenage boyfriend/girlfriend. The added responsibility tied us together making us form a more adult relationship. That is what Renee didn't like. Now Jake and I were tied together we were more than a couple we had become a family. And while Jake didn't define who I was, his love for me shaped me differently than if I had been single and not a mother. What she didn't see or at least refused to acknowledge is that I had already been in a relationship that had defined my existence. My relationship with Edward was the very definition of someone defining trying to define me. I hadn't known who I was or who I wanted to be when I met him so it was very easy for me to want to change myself to fit into his family. I defined myself by that family and when it was taken I was lost, the Bella before had to die so the Bella I was now could stand. That was something I was proud of while I was away. Yes it was hell to be gone from the ones I loved. Yes it was hard to be by myself but I didn't lose myself when I was gone. I had taken my strengths and made them stronger. I didn't fall apart like I had done when Edward left. I had found the person I was meant to be.

Did I like that Jacob had basically banned my mother from my life right now? I think he was right in saying what he said to Charlie about Renee. He was right that I didn't need any more stress in my very stress filled life. What I needed and wanted was a mother who would stand by my side and tell me everything was going to be okay. I needed someone who would listen to me when the girls were teething and I wanted to tear my hair out because they were always crying. I needed someone to support me when Jake didn't pick up his dirty underwear of the bedroom floor (not that he really wore any now) and I just wanted to complain. I wanted the shoulder to lean on for the human portion of my life; someone who had been where I was now and could tell me that it doesn't last forever. She didn't want to do that, she seemed not able to do that so he was justified in making sure she didn't harm our already fragile relationship and hurting me more.

I knew she was disappointed in me and I would have been a little bit hurt had she not been, I was disappointed in myself that I had not thought ahead of the consequences of my actions that day on the couch. But what she was disappointed in did nothing to help me, help the girls. She acted like I had betrayed her in the worse sense of the word. She acted like my thoughtless actions had destroyed her life not mine. She couldn't seem to see the amazing miracle that was my daughters. I hope that she just needed time to think everything through; I did just kind of throw it at her, not as bad as I had done to Charlie, Billy, Jacob and Sam. But none the less it had come out of left field.

I shook my head to get out of those thoughts. When Emily had finished feeding Charlotte she thankfully placed her in my good arm and went in the kitchen to keep the food warm and stir it so it didn't dry out.

"So Bella how are you really?" Kim asked from next to me.

"I'm fine really. Am I hurt? Yes but I…I guess talking to Jake yesterday really did help me. I had been holding a lot in and dealing with none of it. Has any of really been fixed, no but it's no longer a crushing weight on me. I feel much lighter now."

"And you and Jake being in a relationship again has nothing to do with your lightness?" Kim asked coyly raising her eyebrows, daring me to deny it.

"How did…Damn that man and his big mouth."

"Oh but you love what that big mouth can do Bella."

"Kim really?" I cried out in exasperation. In reality she was right and all the promises he made yesterday about devouring and licking me had me a little frustrated.

"That is my little brother you're talking about there Kim, could you please not, yuch?" Rachel yelled from the kitchen.

"What you already know they had sex and will be soon enough."Kim argued back. I'm so glad my sex life was up for discussion today, not.

"It's one thing to know they had sex because I've held the physical proof in my arms and changed their diapers but to talk about my brother having sex, I'd rather not." Rachel argued back.

"Hey at least you're not Jake and have to see him have the sex like he has to do with you and Paul." Kim retorted.

"Did you have to remind me? Sometimes I really hate that wolf mind shit." Rachel said as she walked back in the room.

"Yeah and sometimes it really does pay off." I said absentmindedly.

"How so?" Kim asked.

"Well…ah shit I am so not talking about this in front of Rachel, I shouldn't have said anything." I lightly slapped my casted arm to my head, why the hell did I even speak, I didn't want anyone, including Jake, to know about this.

"You started talking about it so finish." Kim demanded.

"No."

"Bella don't make me make you."

"I am so not talking about this in front of my children." I tried to hedge.

"Like they know what the hell you're talking about, start talking."

"Fine. I know for a fact that Jake wouldn't have known how to do half the stuff he does if he didn't learn it from the pack mind. We both benefited from it." I said as I blushed the reddest I've been in a very long time.

"Holy shit, how the hell do you know that…that…you're saying he learned to…how the hell? Kim tried asking me but couldn't quite get it out.

"I know for a fact he was a virgin before me in everything and the first time we did anything he was way too good for him to just be a natural at it, don't you think spending all the time they do in each other's heads that they don't learn things from one another?"

"Oh. My. God. I don't know if I'm amazed or seriously disturbed, that boy has balls." Her eyes were wide. I just smiled wide; my head wasn't the cleanest at the moment.

"Okay so now you know can we please change the subject." I pleaded.

"Please." Rachel pleaded as well her face buried in her palms. I looked up and noticed it had quit raining and the sun was trying to peak out through the clouds. Rachel lifted her head and then turned to see what I was looking at.

"Here you go Bella." Emily said as she walked into the living room carrying a plate full of food.

"You haven't had anything since yesterday's lunch you must be famished." She replied to what must have been the question in my eyes. I eyed the plate of food hungrily and gladly took it from her; she reached down and picked up Charlotte so I could eat with my one hand.

"Oh Bella, you might need this." Rachel said walking up to me carrying my sling. "I found it on the kitchen floor this morning, figured you'd need it."

"Thanks Rach."

"So…um…so you're back with Jake?" Emily asked hesitantly.

"Yeah I guess…we're…I don't know what we're doing but we aren't moving in together under the same roof for a while but besides that I have no clue what's going on. We really didn't get much of a chance to talk about it with all my crying and the passing out asleep."

"Are you happy?" Rachel asked.

"Of course, I want nothing more than to be with Jacob but… No matter how much I try to deny it I'm scared, always scared of him imprinting. I've decided that I'll stay with him, be with him until he does. If he doesn't then, well… I'll take all the time I can have with him while I have him."

"I don't understand are you guys together or…?" Kim asked

"We are and we will stay together as long as he wants to or until he imprints. As much as it will hurt when he does I can't leave him again. He is the only one I want to be with, he's my choice and as long as he still has a choice I'm his."

"What do you mean still has a choice?" Emily asked and I cringed. I was in a room with the three people I didn't want to have this conversation with. I don't think they could understand.

"At some point I will become Jacob's Leah." I said quietly. I felt as well as seen all three stiffen. This conversation was a long time coming and I didn't even want to have it.

"I get that you're scared of that but he…" I stopped Emily before she continued.

"What he'll be happier with her because she won't put him through the emotional hell I have or he will be so blissfully in love with her he'll forget all about me, even though his choice in who he loves was ripped from him, leaving me broken and battered on the sidelines like yesterday's road kill?" I fumed.

"I'm sorry I sound so harsh but there is really nothing you three can say that will console me on this. None of you know what it is like to be in my position. Hell even Leah doesn't know what is like to wait for the other shoe to drop; she just knows what it is like when it does. None of you can sympathize what it is like to wait for the man you love to be ripped from you without your or his consent. You were all given complete and utter assurance in your love. They can't leave you, you have nothing to risk by being with them; they are yours forever." I finished sadly. I didn't want to fight with them and I really didn't want to keep bringing up imprinting.

"I'm sorry. Can we just do something else?" I asked, not really wanting to be in the house under its current environment that I had created with a case of verbal vomit.

I refused to look up at them; I didn't want to see what type of expressions they carried. I did feel a little guilty for what I said but I wouldn't take it back because they didn't know how I felt and they needed to. I wasn't in the same boat as them. At the moment I was assured of Jacob's love for me now but not forever like them. I had already lost a great love. I barely survived that loss. I didn't want to think what would happen when I lost my love and best friend in one fell swoop.

I could feel the oppressive air in the room it was stifling so I stood and walked outside and sat in the porch swing that Sam had installed last summer.

I hated the fact that I couldn't get over this one thing. Granted it was a big thing, but I couldn't get over it. I was just staring out into the forest. I was with Jacob again but a little voice in the back of my head kept saying 'for how long'. I wanted to squash that little voice and tell it to shut the hell up. I was sick of being insecure in Jacob's love for me because if imprinting didn't exist I wouldn't question him being mine until my dying breath. I was startled out of my reverie by a stoic looking Embry. Though Embry was the quiet one of the three musketeers, he rarely looked this stoic.

"Hey Bee. How's are resident slayer?" He said as he waved to me as he walked up the porch steps. I just rolled my eyes.

"Hi Embers." I replied as he moved to sit next to me and then threw his arm over my shoulder pulling me in close. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Why are you the only one back, I thought you were all up in Canada?" I asked absently.

"Oh I was the closest so I made it back first, the others are maybe ten minutes behind me. Quil, Seth and Brady are still patrolling." He said as he looked over at me. He paused a second and then brought his hand up to run his large thumb between my furrowed brows smoothing them out.

"So I couldn't help but hear what you told the girls." Embry stated as if I told them the weather forecast.

"You did? Please tell me you weren't a wolf when you heard? Or do I need to prepare myself to be eaten by Sam, Jared and Paul." I begged.

"Even if I happened to be a wolf when I heard you, which I wasn't, they wouldn't do anything. We all understand what imprinting is doing to you we can see the stress and worry in your eyes all the time Bella; it was only a matter of time until you cracked and yelled at the three adult imprints. Though they are your friends they represent what you most fear, especially Emily." He said understandingly.

"Why can't I just get over it? I want to be with Jacob without having this hanging over us all the time and wanting to snap at him when he tries to soothe me. You know he used to tell me, before we started dating, when he was trying to convince me to go out with him, that us being together would be effortless. He said we were each other's natural path and we'd be as easy as breathing. For a long time it was that way; but it doesn't feel effortless or easy anymore Embry."

"Of course it's not; you got pregnant and freaked out. Those babies are a big bump on the road to being easy and you're so scared about him imprinting that you've been holding your breath for months in heartbreaking anticipation. Jake's right when he said you two are as easy as breathing but Bella you have to breathe for that to happen. So stop, take a big deep breath and just live in the moment, don't worry about what's going to come."

"Emb you're telling me, Bella Swan, danger magnet extraordinaire, mother to two babies, to not worry?" I asked dryly, he chuckled in response.

"Okay I know that's asking a lot of you so maybe just quit worrying about you and Jake. You two have enough on your plates to keep worrying about this one thing and considering his thoughts today he couldn't get much happier." He said and gave me a small smile.

"Bee, Jake is a strong man; it takes a lot for him to break under pressure but you, you're the only one who can break him completely. And the next time you do he won't come back from it so quickly."

"But Embry he's the only one who can break me as well and it won't even be his choice to do the breaking. I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to be hurt either. I'm trying to balance the need and want to be with Jake to the crippling fear of losing him."

"I get it I really do, and I think the girls in there do to, they may not know what it feels like to be you with everything you carry on your shoulder but they care enough to help take off some of your burden."

"I know that, I wouldn't be living in Emily's house or having Rachel help me shower and dress if they didn't want to help with my burden. I think I've just had so much happen the last week and a half that I'm not handling anything the way I'd want. Do you realize that of the twelve days I've been back I haven't had one normal day? I'm exhausted."

"Yeah I can see that you're exhausted and I'm guessing you are craving a normal non-drama filled day."

"Like no other but I'm a mom, I don't know what a normal day is anymore."

"Hey at least all the wolves have seen your girls so there will be no one imprinting on Jules."

"Yeah at least there's that, though I still have to figure out how I'm supposed to feel about Seth's imprint and how I plan on dealing with it." I didn't really want to think about that, every time I did I wished I had hit him with the tire iron.

"Thank god there are no more wolves to lay supernatural claims on my daughter." I sighed but noticed Embry stiffen slightly.

"What, what is it?"

"Well um, Sam thinks that with the new disappearances and with Victoria and the blond leech back that kids might start phasing again, he's not sure because no one has shown any signs yet but they haven't been back that long so who knows." I said sadly.

"Ah so more boys lives will be ruined because of me and not only do I have to worry about their destroyed childhood but I have to make sure they stay the hell away from my daughter." If I didn't have a headache before I now had a pounding one.

"This is not your fault; you didn't ask to be hunted. Yes when we phase we grow up a lot and it is a lot of responsibility but Bee most of us didn't have much of a family life before we became wolves, the pack gives us the family we never really had so quit beating yourself up okay?" He ordered

"Now the pack is coming back, no more sad talk."He said.

"Thanks Embers, you really are a great brother."

"I'm your favorite right?" He asked after waggling his eyebrows.

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer." I said as I stood up to go back into the house.

"That's because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings Emb. Everyone knows I'm her favorite." Jared yelled out as he walked out of the woods and came up to the house.

"No it's cause I'm her favorite." Collin called out happily behind him.

"You guys are all idiots, Sam's her favorite." Leah said as she walked up the stairs and gave me a giant smile. I blinked in disbelief.

"Hey Bella." Sam said as he walked up the porch behind Leah. He walked up to me and threw his arm over my shoulder and placed a kiss to the top of my head.

"I didn't get to see you yesterday, how you doing?" He asked as he led me inside, Embry following behind.

"I've been better." I answered truthfully

"I know." He let me go and walked to the kitchen for a brief moment, most likely to greet Emily and then he made his way to the table to take a seat where the rest of the wolves were already clamoring for the food. Emily must have put down while I was outside.

"Where's everyone else?" I looked at the table in question of the four missing wolves.

"Paul, Quil and Brady are patrolling and Jake said he had a couple things to do today and he'd be back here for dinner." Sam answered and I frowned. I was looking forward to seeing him.

"What…what about Seth?" I spoke his name softly.

"He um…he knows your uncomfortable with him right now so he went to spend time with his mom." Sam said and I was glad.

I walked into the kitchen where Emily, Rachel and Kim were again standing around. I dropped my gaze in guilt.

"Um you guys, I'm sorry for going off on you earlier."

"We're sorry, I know us being imprints make you uncomfortable sometimes and I know you think we don't understand your feelings but we do and Bella we don't want to see you hurt." Kim said.

"Okay, we're sorry, you're sorry, now let's move on. No harm no foul." Rachel exclaimed as she moved to hug me. I graciously hugged her back glad they weren't too angry or hurt.

"What are we doing today?" Kim asked after a moment.

"Well I was thinking that since it looks like Bella will be staying on the res. and she is in need of some warmer clothes, I thought we could head to Forks and pack up the rest of her things, the stuff she needs can come here and the stuff she doesn't can get put with the things brought up from California. That way we don't have to do the wash all the time on her and the girls' clothes." Emily said as she finished what she was doing at the stove and moved to the dishes.

"Sounds like a plan." Rachel agreed.

After lunch was finished and everything cleaned up, the girls were fed and changed and then bundled up. Emily, Kim, Rachel, the girls and I all climbed into Kim's car and made our way to Forks. There was a stack of unfolded cardboard boxes in the back and when they were filled we were supposed to call Sam or Jared and they would drive the truck up here to move the boxes back to the res. While the pack wasn't happy with the idea of us heading up to Forks they understood the reason and Sam ordered the ones patrolling to circle closer to Forks.

When we pulled up Kim and Rachel grabbed to boxes and Emily and I grabbed one of the carriers. We all marched up to my room.

"Okay if we're all going to fit up here we are going to have to make more floor space." Rachel said.

"How about we put the girls on the bed after we push it against the wall that way we can put their carriers in the hall." Emily suggested.

"I think that will work, that gives us more floor space to fill boxes." Rachel said.

Both Kim and I nodded in agreement. Then Rachel and Kim moved everything that was on the far side of the bed next to the wall out of the way and then they moved the bed out of the way. Once the bed was moved Emily and I took the girls out of their carriers, laid them on the bed and then propped the pillows around them. While we were doing that Kim and Rachel were unfolding and taping a few boxes.

Before we do anything I hear a knock on the front door. I walk down the stairs and quickly answer the door. I'm shocked by who is on the other side.

"Hello Bella"

"Hey Phil, I didn't know you were in town." I say, shocked he came with Renee but fearful she is just around the corner to yell at me again.

"Yeah um, I came with your mom to see you, I uh…stayed here to give you space while you two talked. I was going to head down to La Push to see you but I drove by and noticed the vehicle here. I was just coming to tell you that we are leaving town."

"Oh." I replied not sure how to feel.

"Well Charlie came to our hotel room and told us what Jacob said and I have to agree with him. Your mother just needs some time and she should take that time away from here. I'm sorry the talk went the way it did and congratulations on your little girls. They couldn't have a better mother."

"Uh, thank you I guess. I guess I'll see you around Phil."

"I don't agree with what she said to you and I understand how you feel Bella. I'll see you soon Bella." He said as he wrapped me in a hug and walked back to his vehicle. I closed the door in shock. I really didn't expect him to come by at all. I walked back up the stairs told the girls who was at the door and we all agreed to get back to packing.

The girls decided that the baby clothes should be packed first. Because the girls were going to grow so fast and outgrow their clothes, Emily wanted those cloths at her place for them to wear, I agreed. We all folded the baby clothes and placed them into the box, me having more trouble with it than the rest but I did the best I could. Once the first box was filled we quickly filled the second.

When both boxes were filled, Emily marked them with 'Uley' to tell Sam and Jared that they were to go to the house. Rachel and Kim lifted the boxes to carry them out of the room. Kim walked out first with Rachel close behind. Rachel stood near the bed to give Kim room to get out of the room. Just as she was stepping away from the bed her foot caught on a floor board and she stumbled a little. She regained her balance and placed the box in the hall and came to see what she had tripped on.

Rachel fumbled with the floor board, it was tight but one end was slightly raised as if it had been removed before. I knew I had never done anything with my floor other than sweep it and that portion of the floor was nearly under my bed normally so I didn't have a use to do much with that portion of the floor. As Rachel pulled the loose floor board from the floor and the hole opened up a sick feeling settled in my stomach. Rachel had to pull very hard for the board to come up; I didn't want to know what was in the hole in my floor.

"What's in here Bella?" Rachel asked with a smile in her voice.

"I…I don't…don't know." I stuttered.

I watched in horror as Rachel pulled a CD case, a photo album, pictures, an envelope and an unopened present. I couldn't breathe. I could feel myself shaking as I sunk to my knees. I was confused, so confused. I had searched high and low for those items in the weeks following my awakening from the comatose state nearly two years ago and found no trace.

I had figured he had kept his promise 'it will be as if we never existed' and he was removing anything that would have a tie to him or his family. As if I could just forget about them if I didn't have a physical reminder around. I had all the memories and feelings to tear me apart regularly for months and physical scars that would never allow me to forget. I didn't understand why he had taken the things he did but now… Now as I stared at these items I thought long lost I couldn't understand why he had placed them in my floor. Why remove the items from my life so I would live as if they never were only to place them in my floor where I would never look? What purpose did this serve? Was he just trying to torture me some more, break me some more, put the final nail in the coffin?

I just stared at the items Rachel had placed on the bed next to the feet of my children. I had tunnel vision and all I could see were the items on my bed. My mind raced, my heart tumbled wildly in my chest and my lungs struggled to get any quality amount of air. I played and replayed that night over and over in my mind as I received each item and then the disastrous effects of the paper cut.

"Bella, Bella…snap out of it damn it." Emily said and then slapped my cheek.

I looked up at her in shock. I don't think Emily had ever hit anyone before.

"God Bella we've been trying to get your attention for the last ten minutes. What are these things?"

"Is this him?" Rachel asked picking up a photo I had barley had possession of before its disappearance. I knew who she was asking about as I stared at the face I had thought about endlessly a year ago. I absently nodded my head but said nothing. I just stared at the man I once thought I would spend forever with.

I looked at the photo waiting for the familiar feelings I had felt the last time I looked at it. I waited to feel anything I had felt before but found nothing familiar staring at his deep gold eyes. I stared at the face that promised me he loved me and would never hurt me. The man who gave me a family I thought I'd never get. I just looked at the man who showed me true love, first love, and the man who walked me in the woods and told me that he was leaving me and no longer wanted me in his life. Anger I had never felt before for him bubbled up in me. I just couldn't understand his reasoning for placing these items here in my room where I might never look or I might stumble upon like today. What was his purpose?

I watched as Rachel opened the unopened present and gasped at what was inside. In the gift I believed to be from Rosalie and Jasper as a gorgeous sapphire necklace. There were three large stone that were surrounded in a setting with small diamonds. I was sure this necklace cost more than I had made in the two years since they left.

Angrily I stood and collected everything that was in my floor. I didn't know what I was going to do but I needed to do something. I was glad I had taken my sling off when I was folding clothes; it allowed me to carry these things more easily. I began to march out of my bedroom when Kim pulled the necklace from my hands. I looked at her incredulously.

"Believe me whatever you're doing right now you will regret doing it to this necklace when you could pawn it for money, so go do what you need to do just not to this."

I continued my walk through the house, made it to the base of the stairs, marched into the kitchen grabbed the keys to my truck and stomped to it. I opened the door with my good arm and threw the offending items across the seat to the passenger side. I didn't just want to throw these items in the trash, no I needed to really get rid of them and the feelings they brought up.

I climbed in the truck and started it. I knew I wasn't supposed to drive this week but I really could care less at the moment. I pulled away from the house and got on the road. I drove around Forks for a little while not sure where to go. As I hit the 101 I knew I had distractedly decided where to go. I slowed down when I knew I was nearing the drive I hadn't entered since last January before I sought the solace of my sun.

I slowly turned into the plant filled drive, more evidence that they had been gone for so long. I drove slowly as my truck crawled up the rickety drive. I wound around all the curves and pulled up to the meadow in front of the old white house I used to think of as my second home.

The house stood proud and strong but just as abandoned as I had been. I parked the truck, climbed out and made my way to the passenger door. I whipped it open with my right hand and grabbed the first thing I touched the envelope which I knew help plane tickets I never used.

"WHY! What was the point of this? Did you just want to hurt me more? Tear the wounds a little deeper?" I yelled as loud as I could as I threw the envelope at the house. I knew they'd never come back but I needed to get rid of these things and the anger that went with them.

It was funny just two days ago I was telling Leah I wasn't mad at them and no here I am standing in their driveway as I release two years of pent up anger I didn't know I had. I march back to the truck to grab another item. This time it's the photo album of my 'senior year' or really the day of my birthday. I grab it and march closer to the house ripping pages out and crumpling them up and throwing them.

"Was I just a joke for you? Let's see how fast the human falls in love and then rip her heart out. God damn it I loved you, you ass. You had no right to use me like that." I yelled and marched back to the truck and grabbed the CD.

"You are the most evil heartless creatures I have ever had the unfortunate luck to ever come across. Laurent and Victoria at least live up to their nature. You are all soulless monsters that pretend to have compassion. Fuck you all. You had no right to break me like that, you had no right to make me believe I'd be one of you one day and then rip it all away without a single goodbye. You are all the worst leeches in existence." I yell and then just stare at the house for a little longer letting the anger run through me. I whipped the CD carrying the music I had so loved at the house, it shattered on impact and I didn't feel the loss of the music composed for me, just righteous anger.

"You did no favor for me and you made death look like a better option when you left. I thought I had forgiven you but I haven't. I hate that you still have an effect on me. AHHHHH" I screamed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing out here?" I heard yelled behind me.

I whipped around to see a clearly furious Paul behind me in just his cut-offs.

"I, uh, had to get rid of some shit and yell for a while." I say as if that explains everything.

"Well did you have to do it at leech central? Do you realize the panic that went through us that were phased when we seen you tear out of the house and race to your truck. You are damn lucky Jake had shit to do today and wasn't phased."

"Do you realize what that would have done to him seeing you drive away like that and come here? He would have either thought you were running again or that you were trying to get into contact with them."

"Well I'm just giving some of their shit back; I have no intention of leaving Jake or my girls."

"Well are you done with your little tirade or do I need to wait for you to finish?" He asks with all anger gone from his voice.

"I'm done."

"Okay then, climb in your truck and I'll drive you back to your house." He said as he walked up to the driver door and climbed in, I followed.

We drove in silence until we pulled up to my house, him parking the truck where it had been before.

"Now I'll give you these keys back if you promise you won't pull that shit again and if Jake finds out about this in the pack mind you're going to be the one to explain this to him."

"Okay," I promise. "I won't pull anything like this again; I have no need to see that house again."

He hands me the keys and walks back to the woods to continue his patrol while I walk into the house put the keys away and walk back upstairs.

I see that they have three more boxes packed and it looks to be the rest of the clothes from my dresser. So far it looks like all the clothes are going to the Uley's. They all look up when I walk into the room all three pairs of eyes questioning me.

"What?" I ask

"So would you like to explain to us what all that stuff was?"

"Not really but I can see from your determined faces I have to."

I spent the next twenty or so minutes explaining the events of my eighteenth birthday and the days after. I explained how I thought Edward had taken those items we found in my floor with him when he left. I told them the words he had said to me in the forest and how only hours later I was found on the forest floor wanting to die by Sam.

After I was done telling them, Emily called Sam to come get the boxes, we lost our packing mojo and just wanted to get back to the res. the babies also decided they were unhappy and even a bottle wasn't changing their moods. I had a feeling the oppressive air of my bedroom had something to do with that.

Twenty minutes after Sam was called him and Jared showed up. We had all moved to the living room and were waiting. The second the front door opened I knew the news of my travels had gone through the pack.

"What in god's name were you thinking driving off like that?" Sam asked as frustration filled his voice.

"I was thinking I didn't want what I found in my floor to be anywhere near me and I decided to give it back to them."

"Did you have to drive off without telling anyone? We just found leeches in the area today; did you not even consider your safety?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't thinking very clearly."

"Okay, let's load the boxes and get you girls back to the res." Sam said as he motioned for Jared to lead him up the stairs.

When we returned to the res., I rocked Juliana with a pacifier in her mouth while Rachel rocked Charlotte. Kim had to leave to go home and Emily was now busy making dinner. Rachel and I sat in silence until Emily called us to dinner. My thoughts were filled with what I had found today and what it meant. My belly held an uneasy feeling that I was desperately trying to push down and ignore.

"I thought you said that Jake would be here tonight?" I asked

"He was until he phased to check in and seen a replay of today's events, he's a little angry so he's off running. He has patrol in the morning so you probably won't see him until tomorrow afternoon." Sam said without looking at me.

I spent the rest of the evening just relaxing with my girls. Emily helped me change and dress them and myself for bed as Rachel had left after dinner to spend time with Paul.

I woke up in the middle of the night to crying babies and a cold bed. Jake hadn't come back. I picked up Juliana and walked into the kitchen to warm the bottles. Once they were warmed I walked back into my room to see Sam holding Charlotte.

"I'm sorry they woke you." I said as I handed him a bottle.

"It's no problem Bella, you don't have both arms so it takes you longer to do things and I don't mind helping you. And I had a feeling Jake wouldn't come back tonight to help with the girls. He was too worried to be around them angry."

I felt bad about everything, I knew I shouldn't have gone to the Cullen house like I did but I needed to let the valve off my anger and that was the best way. I didn't think about how Jake would react. I just acted and now I'm sure he's also seen everything Embry had seen and said today and he knows that imprinting is still an issue for me even though I don't want it to be.

When he does come back to see me we are going to have to have a really deep discussion, we can't leave anything hanging over us anymore, it will tear us down little by little until there is nothing left us anymore. He needs to know all my fears about our relationship in regards to imprinting and I need to know his fears.

After the girls were burped and changed Sam went back to his bed and I went back to mine. I fell asleep with the thoughts of Jake swirling in my brain.

I woke up in the morning surprised that the girls hadn't woken up again. I checked the crib to see that they were both awake. I picked Charlotte up and walked to the kitchen were Emily was already making breakfast. She noticed me holding a baby and immediately began warming two bottles and then went to go get Juliana. When she returned we fed the girls and then we changed and dressed them for the day.

At breakfast I brought up something I had been thinking about the night before but was too afraid to ask.

"Sam I was wondering if today you could drop me off at my house and I could pack up the rest of my room by myself? A lot of the boxes are already put together and all I have to do is fill them. Most of what is left is my closet clothes and then the things in my desk that I don't really need as well as my bed."

"Are you sure you won't need any help, I could have one of the pack help you?"

"No I think with everything that happened yesterday I just need some time alone to think and this way I get something done while thinking."

"Okay I'll have Quil drop you off before he goes to see Claire and then call me when you are done." He said and I nodded in agreement.

"I don't mind watching the girls Bella, so you don't need to worry about them." Emily said from next to Sam.

"Thank you guys." I said to everyone.

Once Quill arrived I climbed in his car and we made our way to Forks. When we arrived at the house he did a quick perimeter check and then took off to see Claire.

I walked into the house and made my way to my room. I spent the next hour carefully going through the clothes in my closet picking what I was going to need in the next few weeks and deciding what could wait for a while. I had just finished the third box for the day when I heard a knock on the front door. As I walked to go answer it I wondered who it could be. I knew Phil and Renee had left the day before; at least that was what I had believed. Then I thought that maybe one of my former high school friends had decided to stop by.

All thoughts on who it could be or what they could want were driven from my mind the second I opened the door and seen who it was. Any words I could have said were left unsaid as my jaw dropped. Had I been electrocuted I wouldn't have been more shocked.

The only thought going through my head was, 'I really should learn not to open the door'.

A/N: Okay I'm a little bit sorry to leave you with a cliffy because I won't be posting next week, for this week is Thanksgiving and I'll be out of town. I am leaving an extra long chapter in conciliation. The response for last chapter was great and I can't thank you enough for all your responses and questions. I really love reading the words you leave for me. Also thanks to everyone who reads, alerts and favorites it means a lot. Please let me know what you think, I appreciate it. Have a great holiday to all who celebrate it.


	18. The Fears We Face

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything related to Twilight.

Ch. 18

The Fears We Face

My brain couldn't register who I was seeing before me. It couldn't grasp the reality of the current situation. I just stood in the doorway staring intently at the person on the other side of the threshold not able to make a coherent thought. What I was seeing was supposed to be impossible. I was told it was going to be impossible yet here the impossible, the improbable was standing before me with a matching shocked expression gracing their face.

I shook my head furiously with closed eyes praying I was just hallucinating. I could handle it if I had just broken and was now seeing things. I didn't know what to do if what was before me was real. I didn't know how to handle it or how to feel about it. When I finished shaking to dispel the apparition before me I opened my eyes and was met with the same view

"Hello Bella." The person said sweetly to me.

I forgot how the voice sounded to my ears. I forgot the beauty of it. I realized after the greeting that my breaths were coming out ragged and shallow and I was beginning to see spots form in my vision. I was unable to form the word I needed to reply, to break the trance of disbelief I was currently in.

"Bella, are you okay." The person asked hesitantly. I didn't know how to answer because in the physical sense I was presumably fine, though the spotty vision and ragged breaths would tell me otherwise, but mentally and emotionally I was entering a tempest.

I just nodded my head. I was still unable to speak around the large lump that formed in my throat. I stared at the beauty of the person before me still disbelief coursed through me. I tried to focus my brain enough to get a word out, to get anything out.

"A…Al…Al…Ali…Alice?" I stuttered breathlessly.

She had to be a hallucination, she couldn't be real. I was told I'd never see them again and I hadn't in 679 days (I figured it out the night before when my mind was racing). Her standing on my porch, in my doorway, like she hadn't been gone at all had to be a hallucination.

"Hello Bella, now could you kindly tell me how you're okay?" She asked, her voice still unsettled me.

"Hi…What? Okay…huh?" She hasn't been in my life in nearly two years and she wants to know how I'm okay. Did she think I'd be the bag of bones I was the months after they left still. Did she think I'd be still moping around after them after all this time?

"What are you doing here Alice?" I ask surprised at the anger and resentment I heard in it.

"I saw you at our house; you were yelling and throwing things and then…then you…"

"What? I what Alice? This isn't the first time I've gone to your house since you've left and you didn't come back then so why are you back now?"

"Bella I saw you and then your future disappeared. Then I had a vision of Victoria feasting in Portland. I thought she got to you." She told me worry on her face.

"And you care why, why are you back Alice?" I asked confused as to why she was here, I wasn't going to tell her that I was worried about my future disappearing scared me but I couldn't understand why now she was here when I've been in danger the entire time.

"Bella I thought you were in danger and we came back to see…"

"We?" I asked panic filling my voice. Who did she bring with her? Please, please, please don't let it be…

"Hello Bella." I heard in my disbelieving ears a voice that rocked me to the core coming from behind Alice.

I quickly shut my eyes not wanting to feel or see what his presence would do to me. Just hearing him speak my name scared me. He said it the way he had said it while we were still together. This could not be happening, not now, not ever. I had finally rid myself of the last demons they left me with besides Victoria and she was a completely different matter. I could feel the tears as they fell but did nothing to stop them. I was overwhelmed and had no way to process this.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the man who destroyed me to the point of death. I stared into those deep endless tawny eyes. I felt the Jacob healed wound on my heart throb, stretch and burn. It wanted to consume me again but I wasn't going to let it. I steeled myself and stared him down; he wasn't going to break me again.

"I would really like to know what you are doing here." I demanded, thankfully the both flinched from my tone and then looked contrite. I hadn't retreated inside yet and they hadn't stepped closer. The first I wanted to do desperately the second I prayed they didn't.

"When I saw you at our house and you disappeared I was worried, I haven't had a vision of you in a while and then I had a vision of Victoria so close I had to come and see…I didn't know if it had already happened or if it was going to. I can see by your response that you already were at our house. May I ask when?" Alice said.

"I was at your house yesterday; I don't know why I disappeared from your vision but I am perfectly safe." I decided in that moment I wasn't going to let them in; I was going to keep my life without them from them. They weren't going to learn about the pack, Jacob or my children from me. I was going to protect my own if I could.

"Bella would you at all mind if we came in and spoke with you, it is rather awkward standing out on your porch." Edward spoke.

"Fine," I said flippantly, I didn't want them outside either, I didn't need any town gossips driving by and starting something they knew nothing about. I turned and walked into the living room and sat in Charlie's recliner. I didn't want to take the chance of either of them trying to sit by me.

Both Alice and Edward took spots on the couch, both looked awkward in there stiff positions. Neither spoke they just stared at me.

"I still don't understand why you came here, you thought I was in danger, I'm not so why are you here?" I asked. I ignored looking in Edward's eyes they were far to piercing and I didn't like the emotion I saw emanating from them and just looked at Alice.

"When we realized Victoria was in the area we had a feeling that she would be coming here for you. We came here to head her off, to protect you, to check up on you." Alice answered.

"So you came to check up on me now nearly two years after you left, where were you before?" I asked.

"I made a promise to stay out of your life; I had every intention to keep that promise Bella until I learned that you could be in danger from the life I had freed you from."

"So you keep saying you came because you 'saw' that I was in danger, why do you assume I was in danger yesterday?"

"The only time your future ever disappeared before what when you went to the ballet studio with James and we stopped that, if your future disappeared now and I had a vision of Victoria I could only assume she was the cause."

"Again I ask why yesterday, I wasn't in any danger yesterday, I couldn't have been safer. Why yesterday did you have a vision of me and not before, haven't you seen me before yesterday?"

"Bella I haven't been keeping track of you in my visions since the night we left, I was asked not to. Since that night I have only checked on you once and that was last year after your high school graduation, I saw that you were with your mother in Jacksonville. Since you were safe, happy and healthy I quit looking again. I wasn't looking for you yesterday; you just popped up in my sight." She explained.

"If I may ask what were you doing at our house yesterday?" Edward asked. It had been so long since I had heard his speech pattern that the formality of it threw me a bit, I mean I have spent a lot of my free time with a pack of teenage male wolves, they weren't formal in their speech.

"I found some things I received from you for my birthday and I decided I would like for you to have them back, I didn't have a use for them." I glibly said.

Both looked shocked and I fought a smile that tried to make its way onto my face. I found such satisfaction in their reaction.

"Bella how'd you hurt your arm?" Alice asked as she stared at my cast.

"Oh, you know me clumsy and all." I tried to brush it off

"Bella we may have not been here for some time but you are still a terrible liar."

"Fine I was in an accident and I don't see why I have to explain anything to you."

"I just would like to know if you are alright."

"Really you want to know if I'm alright when you were the one to leave me in the woods without one look back. You have no right to ask and Alice doesn't either because she left without a goodbye." I stood, I was too angry to sit, I had awoken the anger I had never felt for them yesterday and it didn't want to be stomped down.

"Bella…I…we…" Alice started to say.

"Please forgive Alice and the others they were only doing what I asked of them."

"Well that's fine and dandy for them but that still doesn't let you off for leaving me in the fucking woods, Edward." They both gasped, I don't think in the entire time I had known them I had ever used such harsh language. Oh were they in for a surprise at how much I had changed.

"Bella is that type of language strictly necessary? Yes I left you in the woods but in my defense, I left you in clear view of your house you should have easily made it back without problems."

"First off yes fuck is a perfectly acceptable word for what we are discussing. Second you didn't think for one second that as much as I loved and cared for you that I wouldn't try to chase after you to stop you from leaving, even as stupid as the idea was, from leaving me?"

"I'm sorry Bella but I didn't think you would."

"I highly doubt that since you returned to my home to leave a note for Charlie telling him exactly where I had gone, if you believed that I wouldn't follow you, that I would turn around and walk back into the house you wouldn't have left him a note. But at least you did that or…"I wanted to finish the sentence to tell him what it was like for me that night but I didn't want him to know about my life from the moment he left, he lost that right.

"Or what Bella?" Alice asked.

"Nothing, forget I said anything." I turned my head so they couldn't see anything in my eyes. Once I composed myself I turned back to them and I noticed that Edwards nostrils were flaring, something I had viewed countless times with the pack. He was taking in the scents of the room, what he was searching for I had no clue but I wasn't going to ask either.

"Bella what happened that night, please I'd like to know?" Alice asked again. I hesitated before answering and I sat down again.

"I followed him much longer than I should have; I stayed on the path long after I lost sight of him. I continued walking until my body could no longer keep itself up. After I fell I just laid there not moving not doing much of anything but… I was in the woods for hours, I didn't even learn for how long until months later. If it hadn't been for… You would be finding my skeleton out in the woods instead of me at my door." As much as I had moved on from that day I couldn't keep the sadness from my voice when remembering that day.

"Bella who found you, how did you make it back?" Edward asked and I cast him a withering glare and his eyes flashed a sadness I never saw in them before. I shook my head from contemplating it before I fell into those eyes again. They did nothing but harm me.

"Sam Uley found me after I had been out there for nearly ten hours."

Edward's eyes hardened and I saw his mouth speak but he spoke so quietly and quickly I couldn't make out what he said, whatever he said caused Alice to tense and her eyes widened in horror until both resettled into what I assumed was a false calm.

"Sam is from the reservation, am I correct?" Edward asked. Did he know? Was it possible he knew the nature of Sam?

"Yes he was asked by Billy Black, Charlie's best friend, to help join the search party for me. Why is it so important that you know this?" I answered.

"Are you…has Sam…are you close with Sam now?" Edward asked flustered, I don't think he had ever stuttered before.

"What does this have to do with anything about you being here? I don't have to answer that question and I'm not going to either. You were gone for two years, do you have any idea of what you did to me that day? Do you have any clue the kind of condition you left me in?" I asked angrily.

"You've come and see that I'm not in danger, Victoria is not here. Nothing happened yesterday so why are you still here. Your unneeded guilt that I could come to harm is not wanted so you can leave and have your conscience's be free."

"We aren't going anywhere, we believe that Victoria is a possible threat to you and we will not leave until we are sure that you are safe." Edward said adamantly.

"I am perfectly safe and your help is neither needed nor wanted."

"Bella even if Victoria isn't after you, you are in danger." Edward replied soothingly but it was lost on me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked as a fury began to grow in my belly. I stood no longer able to stay sitting.

"If I'm correct then I believe that La Push is overrun by a pack of werewolves. As they were not here when we arrived, that means that they are in fact young wolves and highly dangerous. I assume from what you have said that you spend time with someone I believe to be a werewolf as I can smell at least two in the house that were here as recently as yesterday. You also carry more than two wolf scents on your person. I cannot allow you to remain in any form of danger so I will remain as long as that danger is present." Edward informed me.

"You are seriously implying that Sam is a danger to me, that my friends are a danger to me?"

"Bella you do not understand how volatile young wolves can be." I just started laughing at him in disbelief.

"You think I don't understand, you haven't been here and I have, they are no danger to me."

"So you know that they are wolves, how did you find out, I thought it was the mission of the tribe for them to remain secret."

"Yes I know I learned months after you left, I wasn't told, I was reminded. If you remember I was told about them when I was told about you. Me knowing about the wolves was imperative to my safety. You seem to have a negative opinion of them without knowing about them. I wonder if you'd have the same opinion if you knew I'd be dead without them. I owe them my life and my happiness. I really don't care if you view them as a danger because they are not, they are my family and I will not stand by and let to belittle and vilify them." I sneered.

"I am sorry if I have offended you but I must ask what danger they have saved you from that you keep implying."

"You have made the people that saved me from myself, that made sure I survived the next day, that have sacrificed their lives to make sure I saw the next sunrise out to be monsters and you are sorry you've offended me and now you want me to let you in on my life." I was now pacing the living room, ire I had never known before was boiling my blood.

"Bella if you are in danger I want…we want to be able to help you." Alice said trying to calm me.

"You want to help me when you are the reason I'm in danger. You think Victoria is only now coming after me, that only now she is trying to get to me. How very wrong you are. She has been trying to kill me since last March when she sent Laurent to check on my defenses. When he tried to make me his afternoon snack it was the wolves that you seem to find so dangerous that saved my life. When it was Victoria that tried again and again to get her cold dead hands on me it was the wolves who once again came to my aide. When she came with six more vampires that she made herself it was them who defended me. When I came upon a vampire on the road to La Push last week it was them who stopped him from killing me after he threw me forty feet into a tree. All of these attacks would not be possible if I hadn't gone to the baseball field with you that day. My life has been under threat almost every day for a year and a half."

"Not only have they saved me from vampires but they saved me from the wounds you have inflicted on me because you left, you do not get to judge them, you do not get to come here and claim you are going to protect me because if my protection was left up to you I'd be dead already." I growled out and surprisingly it sounded very much like the wolves growling.

"Bella what was it like for you after we left?"Alice asked so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

"Why, why do you want to know, it won't change anything, it won't fix anything."

"I need to know Bella; I need to know what my leaving did to you." Edward responded.

"You broke me. You broke me in ways I didn't know anyone could be broken. That day in the forest, when I realized you really left, when the words you spoke finally sunk in I just laid on the forest floor waiting for death to take me. I spent the next two weeks; at least I was told it was two weeks completely catatonic. Only when Charlie threatened to send me to my mother did I snap out of it enough to continue living. Though I went to school, to work, cooked for Charlie I wasn't living, I was existing. You haunted my every waking moment. Everything reminded me of you and your family. All my friends at school let me go because I was no longer there. I was the walking dead. My nights were haunted with dreams that would wake me up screaming in terror, in pain, in loneliness. All of that you did to me Edward when you chose to tell me you didn't love me, that you didn't want me in your life and that I was no good for you. You destroyed the very person you professed to love. Now you know what you did." After my little rant I looked over to him. He looked like I had set his soul on fire. He was a tortured burning man with no way out of the hell he was in. The breaths he didn't need to take were ragged and coming fast. He wouldn't meet my gaze so I turned it to Alice who didn't look much better. Nothing was said and no one moved for the longest time. I didn't know what to say to them and I don't think they knew what to say to me.

"You believed me." Edward whispered.

"Of course I did." I answered back.

"Of all the things I had ever told you, you chose to believe that blasphemous list of lies. Why did you not believe the thousands of times I told you I love you or that I would never want anyone the way I wanted you? You are the only thing that makes this existence worth it; it was I who wasn't good enough for you. Why, why did you believe that and not anything else?" His voice cracked slightly when he was speaking. Mid way through he stood but didn't walk around as I was doing.

"I never understood why you loved me, why you were drawn to me. It just didn't make sense to me. Our entire relationship I didn't believe I was good enough for you. I was the plain girl who caught the eye of the beautiful immortal. I never felt I fit into your world. So why wouldn't I believe the words you said to me in the woods. Hell you knew I felt that way before you did it that's why you said what you said. You knew the words to say, the only thing I don't know for sure was why. I have an idea but I'm not for sure."

"The night of your birthday truths that I hadn't been willing to face before were forced upon me. I was no longer willing to put your life at risk to remain in my world so I decided to remove myself and my family from yours. I wanted to ensure that you had a long, happy and safe life. I see now that you haven't had the last two to date. I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me." As he spoke he locked eyes with me and slowly walked towards me.

He didn't tear his penetrating gaze away and he finally stopped only a foot away from him. I hadn't been this close to him in far too long. I had forgotten the effect his burning eyes had on me. I could feel my mind becoming muddled and a false sense of something washed over me, it unsettled me. As he breathed his scent spread out and enveloped all my senses, the sweet smell made me tingle. I was worried now. I knew I no longer loved him but he was still having an effect on my body. My heart was racing and my breaths were quickening. I was afraid that if he smiled he'd dazzle me and I didn't want to know the effects that'd have on me. I stared intently back at him.

"Edward I forgave you long time ago. I thought a lot about the last words you said to me in regards to all the others before. You didn't hurt me purposefully; you had a reason for what you did. Though I have to say this; when you chose to leave to protect me from your nature you took my choice to choose my own life. I chose you as you chose me. It wasn't in your power to decide how I should be around your kind. I knowingly chose to associate with vampires and I knew the risks I was taking. What happened the night of my birthday was shocking yes but nothing I hadn't been somewhat prepared for. If you believed I was choosing wrong then you could have spoke to me instead of making the decision for me. Those lies where harmful and soul tearing and so much worse than the truth."

"Bella…" He began but I cut him off.

"For a long time I didn't understand why you made the decision for me, but now…I understand now and I also understand how wrong we were, you demeaned me by doing what you did."

"Bella I will never be able to heal the wounds I've left on you…," He moved closer and brought his hand up to cup my cheek and so softly brushed his thumb over it. "… and I will eternally try so that I may earn the forgiveness that you have so graciously granted me…"

"GET YOUR FILTHY BLOODSUCKING LEECH HANDS OFF OF HER!" Jacob roared from behind me sounding more wolf then man at the moment and I froze. I couldn't move.

I didn't know what to do. With Edward and Alice in my house I'm sure he was currently fighting every instinct in him to change. I could imagine the second I heard him that he was shaking uncontrollably. Just after I heard his voice boom through the room Alice zoomed to stand beside Edward and they both crouched against the new threat in the room.

I could see Edward wanting to pull me behind him so I stepped back and closer to Jake. I needed to get Jake to calm down or I was going to have to explain to Charlie why his living room was gone and that he shouldn't shoot the enormous wolf in the room because he was the boy he loved as the son he never had.

I didn't even want to think about how Jacob perceived the situation. I know he was seething I just didn't know if any of his anger was directed at me.

Before I could make another move or step closer Jacob marched in the house and pulled me behind him. I could no longer see Alice or Edward behind Jacob's broad back; though at the moment I wasn't really worried about that. Jacob's body was currently wracked with tremors. I had never observed him shaking this much and not give in to the wolf. I laid my hand on his lower back and the shakes slowed.

"Bella come here, he isn't safe right now." Edward demanded.

"She isn't coming anywhere near you, you leech and I won't hurt her!"

"He won't hurt me Edward, I'm perfectly safe here." There was an uneasy quiet that had settled over the room.

"Ah I see, you've moved on." Edward said sadly.

"Don't talk to her." Jacob growled out

I kept my hand on his lower back but stepped to his side. I knew I couldn't walk any closer to Edward, if I did, it would set Jacob off. I looked at Edward and he was staring keenly at Jacob, no doubt looking into his mind.

"Stay out of my head!" Jacob roared. I ignored the outburst.

"What do you expect Edward that I'd still be here, waiting for you after two years? Yes I moved on, I didn't have a choice." I felt Jacob tense under my fingers and Edwards piercing gaze shifted to me.

"What do you mean you had no choice?" His tone was accusing as he again shifted his stare on Jacob.

"I got to the point after you were gone that I had two options and at the time I didn't like either. I could either keep loving you and die, because remaining in love and loyal to you was literally killing me or I could let you go and move on. I decided on moving on and I found love again because I didn't want to die." I answered.

"This wasn't what I wanted for you Bella." Edward said sadly, Alice remained quiet, looking back from Jacob, to Edward, and then to me, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"You didn't want me to move on? You told me to, that day in the woods, I know now you were lying but you told me to, you said it would be as if you never existed." Jacob just growled to what I was saying.

"You've told him a lot about me haven't you. When I meant this wasn't what I wanted for you I meant to be with someone of this world, the supernatural world. I wanted you to be someone human."

"Who I choose to be with isn't any concern of yours, Edward. When I met Jacob he was human, a normal human boy, who was thrust into this world he didn't know of without his consent because a family moved to Forks three years previous. Jacob is the kindest, sunniest person I know and I have him to thank for saving me from you and Victoria. Just because he happens to turn into a wolf on occasion doesn't mean he isn't a good human man. You don't get to judge him."

"I'm sorry if I have offended you Bella, I meant nothing by what I said. I just want the best for you and…"

"He is the best for me, the very best. He makes me better than I could ever hope to be on my own."

"I wanted a life free from danger, free from the supernatural, for you and you being with him does not allow that." Edward reasoned.

"You do know who I am; I am in danger all the time mostly to myself; though currently I'm in danger from Victoria." Edward wasn't looking at me he was staring at Jacob in horror.

"He…you…You violated her?" Edward asked Jacob in disgust.

"What are you talking about Edward; Jacob has done nothing to harm me, ever." I said as I looked at Edward wondering what Jacob thought, I think I had a pretty good idea what it was. It was not something I wanted to discuss in front of Edward, ever.

"You let him touch you like that, you gave yourself to him?" His voice was full of vitriol.

"You don't get to judge her; you shouldn't even be talking to her. You are a sick excuse for even a leech." Jacob said as his shaking began to grow again.

"Calm down Jacob." I said.

"Step away from him Bella, he's losing his control." Edward demanded. Alice was looking frantically between Edward and Jacob. She was as worried as I was that they would fight.

"I WON'T HURT HER! Unlike you." Jacob bit out. As soon as he said this Edward's face broke into the most pained expression I had ever witnessed on him, even worse than after I had told him what he had done to me. What had Jacob shown him?

I took a step forward to come between the two. I knew if I was in front of Jacob he wouldn't charge Edward and then he couldn't fight. I was trying to save Jacob, Edward and my father's house. As soon as I stepped away from Jacob he growled loudly. I was still standing close enough to feel the increased tremors coming from Jacob. Edward was now growling at Jacob. I noticed now that they were having a silent conversation. Well Jacob was telling Edward something and Edward was looking more and more in pain. I could see this escalating badly.

"Jacob stop it." I ordered.

"Bella, get back here." Jacob said as he pulled on my arm, Edward growled in response. This was too much for me. I didn't like the escalating emotional tension in the room. I was having trouble breathing and I needed out of the room.

"Okay that's it. If I move anywhere one of you are going to growl and it's just going to get worse. I don't want any more fighting. I'm leaving." Before I could finish what I was saying Jacob roared. Shit, he was taking that the wrong way. As soon as Jacob roared Edward's fierce gaze shifted to me in confusion.

"Bella…?" I don't know if he'd learned of the girls yet or that I had left, but I didn't want him to, if he continued to search through Jacob's mind he'd find out.

"I'm going to the res. Jacob I'll be at our spot when you've calmed down enough to talk to me. Edward, Alice I'd like it if you left as well." I said as I turned to the foyer and walked into the kitchen to grab the keys to the truck.

I went outside, climbed into the truck, started it and peeled out, turning towards the res.

I pulled up into the beach parking lot, shut the truck off and pulled the keys out of the ignition. I followed the path down to the beach and then walked to the tree that held so much meaning for me. The twisted tree, looking both aged and wise sat on the beach staring at the ocean and cliffs.

I struggled to climb onto the tree because of my casted arm. Once I got up I found a comfortable spot and relaxed. I finally was able to process everything that had happened today.

Edward Cullen was back in town and by the sounds of it he wasn't leaving. Did this mean that the entire family was coming back? By the sounds of it he still loved me. I didn't know how to feel about that because I was no longer in love with him. I did care for him, he was my first love, and I don't think I couldn't not care for him. I was unsettled by the physical effect he had on me. Looking back he had always had that effect on me but my feelings for him were always the reason behind it then. Now I believed the reason was what he had explained so long ago in our meadow. He was a predator and I was his prey. Even without his meaning to he was drawing me in. I was just lucky that I knew what he was doing.

His presence was only going to bode badly for me because Jacob would only see him as a threat. The pack would also be worried. I had a feeling with any Cullen in Forks that the pack would be restricted to the lines inside boarder. That meant they couldn't to keep their large patrol sweeps making it more difficult to take down Victoria.

I knew Jacob would come but I just prayed that he had left not long after I did; if he stayed to long I had a feeling he'd screw the treaty and fight Edward. What he would say I had no clue. We had so much to go through and I didn't know where to start. I craved for the time when we faced the world together and it didn't feel like the world was trying to keep us apart.

I sat and stared at the ocean, listening as the waves crashed on the shore trying to relax when I felt him coming. I couldn't hear him and with my back to him I couldn't see him but yet I knew he was coming. I thought for about two seconds how odd it was that I knew when before I had left it had never happened.

"What the hell was that Bella, did you know they were coming to town? Is that why you went to their house yesterday?" He asked angrily as he came around the tree. He didn't sit; he just towered over me, pacing back and forth in front of me.

"What no, I didn't know they were here? I was stunned stupid when I opened the door to see Alice on the other side. I didn't want them to come. I went to their house yesterday to throw the thing that they gave me for my eighteenth birthday that I had found in my bedroom floor, at their house."

"Why did they come?" He asked

"Alice saw me throwing the things at the house and she said that my future disappeared I don't know what that means because the last time that happened…"

"What do you mean she saw you, were they already in town?"

"No, Alice had a vision of me while I was throwing the things at the house and then she said my future disappeared."

"How long are they here?"

"I…I don't know, I didn't ask but Edward said he wasn't leaving until I was no longer in danger."

"It is not their job to protect you anymore. What does this mean for us?"

"What are you talking about, them being here has nothing to do with us."

"What? Of course it does. Are you going back to him now that he's back?"

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with Jacob? Why would I go back to him, I have no reason to go back to him. Why would you even think that?"

"I would think that because I was always your second choice, you were with me because he wasn't. Now that he's back you can have him again because like he said to you, he still loves you. You can have your first choice back." Jacob said firmly.

"You're insane; you were never my second choice, ever. When you first started talking about us dating, yes I wanted Edward to come back because I still wasn't over him; but before I decided to give you a chance I wanted to be over Edward. Even if we had never dated I wouldn't be with Edward now."

We remained silent for a little bit when a thought struck me.

"That's why you were angry last night isn't it. You thought I still had feeling for Edward and that's why I went to their house. You've been afraid I'd leave you for him for a while now, haven't you?"

"Of course I've been afraid you'd leave me for him. I saw how tore up you were months after he left you. For Christ sakes Bella how where hearing his fucking voice for months why would I not worry."

"So it's okay for you to worry about Edward taking me away but I have misplaced worry about you imprinting?"

"Are you really fucking bringing imprinting into this? We are discussing the fucking Cullen's coming back into town."

"We are discussing our fears. Yours is me going back to Edward. Mine is you leaving me for your imprint. I deny I'll ever go back to him, you deny you'll imprint."

"I'd like to believe you that you'll never leave me and that I'm your soul mate but I've watched enough imprinting and heard how all Alphas imprint to believe that. I love you enough to be with you even though the chance doesn't lessen with time." I said with raised voice.

"I will say this one more fucking time. I will not imprint."

"I told you, you had to quit promising me that we both know you will, I feel you will. It's not a matter of if to me it's when. I just want to know how long I have with you, how long till you're taken from me?" I yelled, pissed off that he could fear Edward yet I couldn't fear imprinting.

"Fucking Christ Bella; I WILL NOT FUCKING IMPRINT!" I was angry and I whipped my head up.

"Yes you wi…"

**A/N: **So wow...I hope everyone had an amazing holiday break, if you celebrate Thanksgiving. For those of you that don't I hope you had a great two weeks. You guys made my break, over 400 reviews, I was so happy. Special thanks to shiftyless for being the 400th reviewer. I thank anyone who has reviewed. You all made very good guesses as who was at the door. And while I didn't purposefully intend to leave you with a cliffhanger, you did get one. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, favorited, and read this story, it means so much to me. Please let me know what you think of this chapter.


	19. The Impossible is Possible

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it, I only do this for fun.

Ch. 19

The Impossible is Possible

As I locked eyes with Jacob the words I was yelling died in the air. The look in his eyes stole everything from me in that moment. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I really couldn't remember what we were arguing about. His eyes were deep endless caverns of deepest darkest black, left over remnants of his anger but what was taking all from me was the new emotion shining in them. His deep obsidian eyes seemed to have deepened and I was seeing straight to his soul. Nothing was being hidden and I was seeing everything and nothing all at once. I had seen that emotion several times in my life in numerous eyes but never before in his and I didn't know how to feel.

I couldn't make heads or tails of what was in front of me and I soon realized he was as frozen as I was. He couldn't believe what was happening either. My mind was resplendently blank. Beyond the short analysis of Jake I couldn't keep a thought in my head long enough to process anything. I only breathed when the absolute need forced my body to take in the oxygen in so desperately needed. My heart was racing beyond what was probably healthy for a nineteen year old, somewhat fit and not currently doing any physical exertion person. I absently realized I was shaking and I was thankfully sitting because if I had been standing I would have been on my hands and knees in the sand long ago.

Neither of us has moved or said a word after mine had stopped in my throat because what was happening was impossible. We had been told time and time again it was impossible yet his eyes told me it had happened. Why had it happened now of all times? I knew I wasn't going to get answers anytime soon because we were both locked where we were. We'd become living breathing statues decorating the beach in our shock.

I just stared at him as he stared back at me. We were frozen in an undeterminable state. I knew I needed to move, I needed to find answers and I wasn't going to find them here. I slowly and carefully stood, clinging to the large driftwood log that marked our beginning over three years ago; I braced myself to prevent a crash to the beach. I took one step forward and Jacob was knocked out of his trance. The moment my foot moved away from him he began to shake and whimper. We had yet to break our gaze on one another.

I took another step towards my intended destination and he moved as well. I was beginning to panic at the emotions coursing so quickly through me I couldn't actually take the time to name them. I finally steeled myself to the possible outcomes and broke the gaze but didn't move in case I crashed to the beach. Jacob just whimpered louder. Once I knew I could move I turned from him and began the painful walk to answers.

I was nauseous as I marched along the beach and then next to the forest. My arms, legs and heart hurt as I walked up the familiar porch steps. When I reached the front door I froze. I didn't know what to say to explain what had just happened. There were no words that seemed to fit what I had just experienced. I gripped the door knob and slowly opened the door. I knew from the ruckus that everyone was in the living room so I walked there.

Before me, in a house that was a third home, a place I guess I could now consider my home for the time being, was a room full of people who seemed happy. The moment I crossed the threshold of the room, the majority of the room's inhabitants froze for three seconds and then all began to shake. Those not looking at me whipped their fierce eyes to me and then they all froze in deep confusion.

"Bella?" Sam asked his voice strong, confused but all Alpha. I didn't know how to respond so I stayed silent.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked again his eyes were wide in panic and I'm not sure what I looked like.

"I…uh…went to the beach…and we were yelling…Edward…Jacob…and then…" My voice broke and I couldn't finish. I'm sure I didn't make any sense; I'm not really sure what I said.

"Bella, what happened? Why do you smell like leech?" He asked as he walked slowly towards me as if I was a wild animal ready to flee.

"What, huh, I smell?" I asked as I turned my head to smell my shirt.

"Holy Hell you smell!" I heard around the room but kept my eyes on Sam.  
"Where the hell are those leeches? We'll take them out!" Came from someone else.

"Was anyone watching her on patrol, how the fuck did one get that close to her?" That came from a uniquely feminine voice. Soon a cacophony sounded in the room as everyone began to speak in their large booming voices. Soon Sam yelled for silence.

"Bella you smell like a vampire, are you okay?" Sam asked

"Yeah, I'm fine, I think."

"Will you tell me what happened?" He said each word carefully as if speaking to a child.

"I was at the house, I heard a knock at the door and…I was so shocked I couldn't speak for a really long time. I thought it wasn't possible. They promised…or rather he promised and yet… They asked me if I was okay and then she said she couldn't see me and I didn't understand because I was fine and in the room. They kept saying you weren't safe and I yelled at them and then he came up and touched my face and Jacob came in the room. He was so mad. He pulled me behind him. I have never seen him shake so bad before. They were yelling at each other and Jake wanted him to stay out of his head. It was too much and I had to leave so I went to the beach and…and." I stopped I couldn't form the words in my mouth.

"Bella who was at your door that made Jacob angry? Who were the vampires and what happened, you're not making much sense right now?"

"It was Alice and Edward." I whispered, still in disbelief of their arrival at my house today.

"Cullen's?" "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Oh God!" "Damn!" A chorus of responses came from most the wolves and again Sam ordered silence.

"Bella the Cullen's are back? Why are they back? How many? For how long? Are you okay?" Sam fired of questions before giving me a chance to answer. I focused on his questions so I could answer them properly. It was still difficult to think coherently with everything that had happened.

"All I know is that Alice and Edward are here, they said they came because Alice had a vision of Victoria and believed me to be in danger. I don't think anyone else is here and I don't know for how long. From what Edward was saying they'll be here a while. But I don't really know I didn't ask."

"You tried to say something about Jacob walking in and being mad. What happened?"

"Edward was standing close to me, asking me to forgive him and Jacob walked in and yelled at Edward and then pulled me behind him. Edward was saying how Jacob was dangerous and then he…he accused Jacob of violating me," Everyone drew in a sharp breath at that. "I told Edward he was wrong, I didn't know what he saw in Jacob's thoughts that made him think that. The tension was getting worse and I stepped in between them to stop them from fighting. Jacob must have been showing Edward things that caused Edward pain. I didn't know what would happen if Edward saw something he didn't like. I didn't want Jacob getting hurt or for them to tear up Charlie's living room. When I stepped in front of Jacob he grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back and Edward started growling which caused Jacob to growled back. I told Jacob I was leaving and he overreacted. I told him I was going to our spot on the beach and asked Alice and Edward to leave. Jacob found me on the beach and we started fighting about Edward and I yelled at him because I couldn't believe he could be worried about Edward when I couldn't be worried about…about and then…"

Whenever it came time to tell them what happened I couldn't get the words out. I was starting to get hysterical because of all the emotions running through me, because of the nausea and the pain. The separation from him was torture and I didn't like it but I needed answers. To get the answers I had to tell Sam what happened but the words died before they reached my tongue. All of this was impossible and yet it still happened. I had been told time and time again it happened the first time and only the first time. That must have been the millionth time I had looked at Jake and him at me.

"Okay so you left Charlie's trying to get Jacob to follow you to the beach?" Sam asked and I nodded in response.

"He found you and you two got into a fight over the Cullen's?" Again I nodded.

"While you were arguing did something happen?" I just nodded, maybe he could guess and I wouldn't have to figure out how to get my mind mouth connection back on track.

"What happened, Bella? You look like you've seen a ghost." I heard from someone other than Sam. I broke my gaze from him to finally look at the room.

In front of me stood Sam worry furrowing his brows, he wouldn't break his eyes from me. Sitting back on the couch behind him was Jared, Rachel and Paul. Paul was holding one of my daughters and from the outfit I could see he was holding Juliana. All three had their eyes locked on me worry also clear in their faces. As I looked on Paul quietly handed Juliana to Rachel. I noticed once she was in Rachel's arms that Paul's hands had a small tremor in them. Emily and Embry were sitting on the love seat and like Paul, Embry's hands were shaking. On the opposite side of the love seat sat Seth in the chair. I narrowed my eyes when I saw him holding Charlotte. I didn't like him near her and I didn't like that the pack had let him hold her without my (and what I presume to be Jacob's) knowledge as well. He gave me an apologetic smile. I was going to say something but was interrupted.

"He hasn't seen or held her since Tuesday; it was becoming painful for him. I'm sorry we didn't ask first but both you and Jacob were gone and he wasn't phased." Leah spoke from a spot on the floor near Seth's chair. As soon as I seen her I felt guilty. What had happened was of course impossible but it had happened and no longer did I fear what I had been before. I would never be her. I had now entered into the group she despised. Any movement we made on the way to becoming friend's was now lost. I suddenly felt that loss.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry Leah!" I exclaimed. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes but made no motion to stop them. I didn't have the ability to at the moment anyway.

"Why are you telling me sorry, I was the one that forced Seth over here to hold the baby, you should be mad at me, like you're mad at him." She reasoned but then her eyes focused back on me as if trying to figure out what I had been unable to say before.

"What happened on that beach that you're sorry to me for," she paused and continued to stare at me, "oh." She breathed her eyes wide.

"I don't know what happened we were fighting about…and I got so angry because he felt it was okay to be angry about Edward but Edward isn't even a problem. But he didn't think I could be worried about...he promised me he never would, that he couldn't. He was wrong and he lied to me but I was wrong too. He…he," I stopped, I'm sure I made as much sense as a fish above water. I was breathing heavily and a large lump had formed in my throat. I could no longer stand; my knees were weak with shock. Emily moved from her spot on the love seat and settled on the floor next to me wrapping her arms around me.

"Bella I need you to calm down and take a deep breath okay. You aren't making much sense. That's it." After several deep breaths and me clinging to her for stability she began to stroke my hair in an effort to calm me. "Okay now what did Jacob do on the beach?"

"He…He," I paused still trying to figure if I believed what I was going to say, "Imprinted." I whispered out. I knew the second everyone heard it because a collective gasp sounded throughout the room.

"Oh god Bella, are you…" Rachel spoke from across the room but I interrupted.

"On me," I whimpered out.

"What?" Emily breathed out above me, confusion lacing her voice. "Sam?" She asked.

"How is this possible? Why now? I thought he couldn't imprint on me? Sam, I need answers." I asked desperate for any answer he could give me to relieve the panic I had felt since it happened.

Sam moved to sit by me and Emily on the floor. He picked me up and placed me in his lap and wrapped his arms around me. It was odd for about three seconds until I realized he was holding me together. I was breathing hard again, the stress of the situation had got to me and the lack of answers wasn't helping.

"The day I imprinted on Emily I was so scared. Everything in me had changed the moment I locked eyes with her and I didn't understand. I had met her dozens of times before that day and never before had I viewed her like this. In the back of my mind I knew Leah was standing next to me as she greeted her cousin and best friend but all that mattered in that tiny moment was the woman she was greeting. My wolf was going crazy when she walked into the room to greet her aunt. Harry must have seen something in my eyes or my actions and he led me out of the room quickly. My mind raced with what had happened. I was the same but completely different. I still loved Leah but she was no longer my world. To say I was confused and scared would be an understatement. Not twenty minutes after I had seen Emily, Billy and Old Quil walked into the room. Old Quil was carrying an old leather book with him. I just stared at the book, not able to meet eyes with the men who had explained what had happened to me just two weeks prior. I listened as they asked me questions about what had occurred in the room. I answered blindly because I was itching to get out of the room and get to Emily. Then with the most pained expression I had ever seen on his face, Harry explained to me what had occurred. They clarified everything they knew about imprinting and all it meant. They told me their theories about why it occurred. At the end all I was left with was what I already knew. While I still loved Leah, Emily was now my life; she was my reason for being."

"I bet right about now you're wondering why I'm telling you all this. I'm telling you because everything I know about imprinting is from what those three men told me all those years ago and from experiencing the imprinting of my fellow wolves. Each imprinting has taught me something new. While most of the imprintings follow the general rules none are the same. With Quil and especially Seth the rules are the most loose."

"Now with you and Jacob I have several theories. From the moment you left I knew there was something more to your relationship than a simple human love bond. If it had been a strictly human bond, he would have found relief in his wolf form. His wolf was as tortured as he was. At the time I didn't really think much of it, I was more worried about him than your bond. The moment you came back though I knew without a doubt something was going on. You remember the other day when Jacob told you that he couldn't see anyone else but you and neither could his wolf?" I nodded in acknowledgement. I had no clue what he was about to say but I knew it would be important.

"I think he was right. Actually I know he was right. I've seen his thoughts. When you came back, the moment he looked at you in my yard, something changed in him and his wolf. It wasn't an imprint but it was something I've never seen before. You know that he came into your room at night to see you almost right away. Yes he was still angry with you but he had to see you, to catch your scent, to hear your heartbeat, to reassure himself and his wolf of your presence as well as the health of your children. When you were attacked by that vampire he was frantic; as frantic as Jared, Paul, Quil, or I would have been had a vampire been attacking our imprint. Yet I knew it wasn't an imprint. I was confused as to why this was. I mean his wolf sees you as his mate. That should only happen in an imprint. I have many ideas why this was."

"What are they?" I asked nearly silently.

"One theory is that you were always supposed to be Jacob's imprint. For a while I didn't believe it because he reacted no differently to you after his first phase so I figured that you couldn't be because you weren't Quileute or Makah or that you just weren't. As your relationship with him grew I noticed that his wolf became very possessive of you as well, which I found very confusing. Once you left and Jacob had the reaction he did I started considering why he didn't imprint on you the first time. I think something you said to Leah the other day made some sense and might be the reason. You said something that if Jacob had imprinted in the beginning it wouldn't have worked as well for the two of you because you weren't ready and he would have hated it. Maybe his wolf held off on the imprint because it knew the damage it would cause. But that doesn't explain why he didn't imprint later once your relationship started to progress and the fact he didn't imprint became a stressor or even when you came back.

"I then thought about what we all thought the purpose of imprinting was either to make the wolf stronger or as a way to ensure a stronger generation of wolves. Up until three days ago I was still unsure if you were his imprint, his mate. Once Seth imprinted on Charlotte, as odd as it is for all of us, I knew you were his imprint. I just didn't know why it hadn't happened."

"How'd you know I was his imprint?" I asked meekly.

"If you weren't his imprint then that means the spirits never intended for you two to be together, that he was destined for someone else, that his children were destined to be born to someone else. If that were the case there couldn't have been an imprint on Charlotte. She wasn't supposed to exist so an imprint shouldn't be possible. Now if she was born to an imprinted pair then it is likely that she could be imprinted on because the spirits intended for her to exist. Once Seth imprinted on her I knew you were an imprint. Right now I'm just trying to figure out why it took so long."

"Why didn't you say anything when you knew? When you knew I was torn up about the imprint? When you knew me and Jake were still arguing about imprinting?" I asked, he could have ended days of heartache by telling me and yet he remained silent.

"I needed to know why he didn't, why he hadn't before I said anything to you or him. Yes I believed you were his imprint but something was stopping it and I needed to find out before I told you and gave you false hope. Bella, you've been through so much since you've come back, I didn't want to put you through something unnecessarily."

"So why do you think it took so long?" Embry asked from the loveseat.

"I've been thinking about what makes Bella different from the other imprints besides the fact she isn't partial Quileute or native. What sets her apart from the others? Maybe we should call the Elders over to help with this discussion."Sam said. Paul stood up from the couch and walked to the phone quietly calling Sue, Billy and Old Quil. While we waited everyone remained silent. I stayed in Sam's lap because I didn't have the energy to move. Too much had happened today.

Fifteen minutes later Old Quil walked in followed by Sue pushing Billy into the house as soon as they entered the living room, they stood frozen taking in the scene in front of them. I'm sure they were shocked that everyone was staring at Sam and Emily sitting on the floor with Sam holding me in his arms. They didn't need to be empathic to feel the uneasy tension in the room.

"What happened?" Billy asked hesitantly.

"What didn't happen," was Sam's reply.

"Please just explain why Bella is in your lap and where Jacob is?" Billy ordered

"Well I believe Jacob is still at the beach and Bella is in my lap to prevent her from having a panic attack."

"Why would she be having a panic attack? What is going on?"

"Well let's start with the Cullen's showing up at Charlie's today while Bella was there. It sounds like there was a little confrontation with Jacob and Edward and to prevent them from fighting Bella left and went to the beach where it seems that Jacob and she got into a little argument about Cullen and imprinting. The argument ended with Jacob imprinting on her. She made her way back here for answers." Sam informed the three council members.

"What! The Cullen's are back? He imprinted, Jacob really imprinted?" Billy exclaimed somewhat disbelieving.

"Believe me the Cullen's are back, when she walked into the room all we could smell was bloodsucker and from what Bella said, yes Jacob has imprinted on her, we've been talking about why it happened now." Sam answered.

"Bella dear, are you sure he imprinted?" Sue asked, she had taken Paul's spot on the couch, he had moved to the floor in front of Rachel.

"I've looked into the eyes of Quil, Paul and Seth at almost the exact moment they imprinted. I know those eyes, I have feared that look on his face for more than a year, I have had unending nightmares about those eyes. So yes I know he imprinted because he was looking at me and no one else was on the beach."

"Sam, do you have any clue why it took so long for the imprint to take place?" Sue asked.

"I have theories, but they are just that. Until Jacob comes back and I can see his thoughts at the moment of the imprint I can't give a definitive answer. You guys know as much about imprinting as I do so do you guys have any theories as to why?" Sam asked.

"Bella I did a great disservice to you when I told you that all Alpha's imprint when I didn't believe that Jacob would imprint on anyone but you and I am so very sorry for the pain that it caused you. When your relationship developed after he phased, I strongly believed that he didn't need to imprint because he and his wolf had already chose you as a mate. Imprinting is supposed to point out the person who is best for the wolf. He didn't need that to happen; you made him a better wolf, a stronger wolf. When you came back with my granddaughters and then Seth imprinted on precious Charlotte it proved the theory that stronger wolves are made through mated bonds."

"I have a feeling that you pulling away from him in fear of imprinting, the risk of him loosing you caused the wolf to decide that the imprint was needed. It could even be that the return of Cullen was the catalyst needed. Now what were you discussing before I got here?"

"Well I was asking everyone what made Bella different than the other imprints besides the obvious of her not being Quileute." Sam answered.

"Freedom," was whispered from the female behind Sam, so quietly I barely heard it.

"What Leah?" Sam asked his body had tensed a little when he heard her voice. He must have finally realized to topic we were discussing with her in the room and the reason I had apologized before.

"The imprints were free while Bella was not free." She explained. I was confused.

"What do you mean by free Leah?" Sue asked.

"What relationship status separates all the imprints and Bella around the time of Jacob's first phase? They were all free, while Bella wasn't." Leah reasoned.

"But Bella was single at that time, you are right that all the others were single as well though." Embry argued.

"Yes they were all single but Rachel, Kim, Claire, Charlotte and even Emily, were all free. They had no previous serious attachment before the imprint. Yes Rachel and Emily had had boyfriends before but they weren't serious enough to where they had given themselves heart, body and soul to another. They were free while Bella was single but trapped. She was still in love with Cullen. She had loved him with everything; mind, body and soul. Even though he was gone, she wasn't free."

"So what, only now she's free of him?" Embry asked.

"I don't know you'll have to ask her, ask her when she let him go." Leah replied.

"She makes a very good point. Bella when did you move on from Edward, when did you completely let him go." Sam asked me.

"I let him go a long time ago; I'm not in love with him anymore." I replied.

"Well I guess the only thing we can do is wait for Jacob to get his version of things to answer some of the questions we have. I don't think it will be long, once the shock of what happened he'll follow your scent back here." Sam said.

Just as Sam said it, I felt him coming. I don't even know how to describe it but my body knew he was close. Nearly as soon as I realized it all the wolves turned their heads to the door, they had heard him coming.

As I heard him walk through the door my body began humming with nervous energy. I didn't even know how he felt about the imprint. Sure I knew had it happened last March we would have both been miserable about it. Now I wasn't, I was relieved. The one thing that I had been worrying over incessantly for the past year plus had now happened and I didn't lose him to some raven haired goddess. Though I was now reassured I wouldn't lose him something unsettling had taken home in my gut. The main reason I had run, the main reason I had stayed away from Jacob, from my family was because of imprinting and now I hear that I either was always meant to be his imprint or he wasn't going to imprint if it wasn't me. I had left for nothing. If I didn't already hate myself for leaving, then I really would now. He and I had lost precious time we'd never get back and now it was for a nonexistent reason.

"Hello Jacob." Sam said. I slowly turned my head to look up at him. The expression on his face crushed me. As quickly as I could I climbed up from Sam's lap very clumsily and scrambled to Jacob. When I reached him I took two seconds to look in his eyes and then I jumped on him, flinging my arms around his neck and I clung to him. He didn't do anything for a moment and then the wrapped his arms around me holding me to him.

If I had wanted to hold the tears in I couldn't have in that moment. Jacob Ephraim Black was mine until my dying breath and I was his for just as long. My happy tears flowed down my cheeks and neck and onto his chest. He pulled back and looked at me. He brought one of his hands up to my face and slowly and delicately swiped the tears from my cheeks.

"What's wrong Jake?" I asked, the expression he wore when he had walked in was giving me a little worry.

"Not a thing Bells," he said and gave me a small smile.

"Then why did you look so sad when you came in?"

"It's not important now that you're here." He soothed

"Jacob, I know how difficult this is going to be but could you please come outside with me and phase so that I can see the imprint, to figure out why it occurred today and not sooner." Sam asked from behind me.

"Fine," Jacob said but he didn't sound pleased. He placed a kiss to my forehead and set me down. Both he and Sam walked out the back door and I looked after him, wanting him back almost instantly.

I waited for what felt like forever until Sam walked back in the door a huge smile gracing his face. Jacob looked annoyed. He made his way quickly to me and took me back into his arms. He hoisted me up and I wrapped my legs around him. I turned my head onto his shoulder to see Sam and he rested his head on mine. Sam still smiling somewhat smugly turned to us.

"Oh you two I feel so sorry for you."

"What? Why?" I asked wondering if I should be worried.

"Because if your girls are even half as stubborn as you two then you are in for a war when they get older." He replied.

"I'm losing you here Sam, how does my being stubborn relate to Jake imprinting."

"Because had you two not been so pig headed he would have imprinted on you the day you got back."

"How do you figure that, and what does pig headedness have to do with anything."

"What is the one thing you've refused to do since the day you got back?" He asked amusement thick in his voice.

"I really don't know what you're hinting at." I was getting very annoyed with his mirth.

"You didn't look at him, you didn't meet his eyes. That first day, I saw in his memories you pointedly refused to look at him, you kept your gaze down. You even did it once he met the girls. When you talked at the cliffs whenever he looked at you, you looked away. He then spent the next several days avoiding you because he thought he should not because he actually wanted to. If you two had actually looked at one another, most of the drama wouldn't have happened." Sam said with a small laugh. I just stared at him open mouthed. It couldn't really be that simple because if it was I was an idiot.

"So why would it have happened then and not before I left?" I asked.

"That I have no clue but I could see in his memories that the wolf had been trying to imprint since the moment Jake looked at you the day you came back. Actually he partially did, he just needed the last part, the part where you two lock eyes, where the soul connects, to finish it off."

"Oh, now I feel stupid, all I had to do was grow a pair and look at you and I couldn't and then I didn't get the chance to." I said lamely.

"It's okay honey, we can feel stupid together, if I hadn't avoided you during the days before the accident then it would have happened last week." Jake said once I looked at him a large smile on his face.

"Well now that's settled let's get to the topic of the Cullen's." Billy said and I felt Jake stiffen under me. I placed a small kiss to his lips to let him know that I was okay and I was still his, Edward's presence changed nothing for me.

"Well with their presence back in Forks we'll have to pull the patrol lines back onto only our land." Sam started.

"What about Charlie, how are you going to protect him if you can't watch Forks?" I asked a small amount of panic filling my voice. If anything happened to my father I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

"Bella dear, I'll try as much as I can to get him to come down and stay the night on the res. I don't think that she'd attack him while on duty. And with you and the babies here it's even more of an incentive for him to come down." Sue said, trying to calm me.

"Bella, I'll get him to come over for every Mariners game also and if worse comes to worse then I think we should tell him what's going on." Billy said, saying the last part quietly.

"No," I ordered forcefully. "I don't care what you have to do to keep him safe and on the res. but you will not tell him about wolves and vampires. I have hurt that man enough just by leaving for the six months without word and him having to survive my zombie days I will not let him realize I have been lying to him about so much since nearly the moment I moved here. I will not break his heart any more than I already have."

"Bella we may need to tell him if the situation with the red head gets worse." Billy tried to appeal to my reason.

"I don't want him to hate me too." I whispered sadly but I knew all the wolves in the room heard me.

"Bells," Jake whispered and turned my head up to face him, he rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes. "He would be a little angry with you and disappointed for sure but he can't hate you, it's not in him to hate you. You are his daughter, he loves you. He's not Renee Bella, he won't belittle you like that, and you know that." Jake reasoned, he knew what I was thinking, and who I was referring to.

"What Renee did was wrong and Charlie would never do something like that to you Bella." Billy said.

"Sam, do you need Bella and Jake to figure out how to handle patrols now that the Cullen's are back?" Billy asks.

"No, I don't need them, why?"

"I think that with everything that has happened this past two weeks they need to talk in private. I was thinking that they could head to my house to spend some alone time together and talk about everything."

"Rachel, Paul and Seth can watch the girls. I will head back to Sue's with her and Jake and Bella can go back to my place to spend the afternoon, we will all meet back here for dinner, is that okay with everyone?" Billy asks.

"Sounds good to me, Bella, Jake; head to your place and relax and talk, be together and enjoy being imprinted." Sam said as he ordered us out of the house.

Jake and I walked up to our girls. I walked up to Charlotte in Seth's arms and kissed her forehead. I stopped and looked at Seth.

"We need to talk about the imprint later, okay." I informed him, he nodded in response. I then walked to Juliana in Rachel's arms and kissed her goodbye.

Jake grabbed my hand and led me out of the house. We made is not five steps from the house when he stopped, whirled me around in his arms and picked me up. With a giant grin on his face he carried me to his house planting kisses on my face as he went. I was so very excited for my day alone with him.

**A/N:** So I am shocked beyond words, forty-two reviews. I can't express how happy this made me. Your reviews mean so much to me so thank you for your support. Also thanks to all who have alerted, favorited, and read this story I truly appreciate it. So this chapter has a lot of information in it. I hope I answered some questions, if I didn't, please message me and I'll answer to the best of my ability. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the theories I've come up with so let me know what you think.


	20. One Step Closer

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything that belongs in the world of Twilight, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyers, I just enjoy playing in her world and changing it around to suit me. To me Bella was destined to be a Black not a Cullen.

**Warning:** This Chapter is full of adult content, if you are not of age please be warned, if you miss this chapter you aren't missing much story line content, otherwise enjoy.

Ch. 20

One Step Closer

I was so incandescently happy as we approached the Black's house,that the light of the day dimmed under my joy and Jacob's smile. It could have been a blizzard or the middle of the night and I wouldn't' have noticed. Right now I felt invincible in his arms. I couldn't get past how amazing it was that he was mine. The thing I had feared most for so long, feared above my death at the hands of Victoria, wouldn't happen. No woman would ever know how Jacob's gaze could warm you on the coldest bleariest day. No one else would know how just the graze of his finger up my arm could make my blood boil. Or how he knew what I was thinking by just my eyes, how to calm my anxiousness with his laugh or a few simple words or even a tiny peck on my forehead.

Sure I knew the road ahead of us wasn't going to be easy now just because he imprinted on me, it was just the heaviest of weights had been lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again. Like Embry had told me yesterday, I just needed to breathe, so I did. I couldn't stop the little bubbles of laughter from making their way out of me, causing Jacob to smile his sunshine smile at me. I can't remember any time before, other than when I was a child, I was this ebullient.

Jacob bounded up the stairs of the familiar red house and ripped the door open, nearly taking it off the house in his rush. He walked until we were in the living room and he slowly set me down keeping his large warm hands on my hips to steady me and hold me close to him. I looked up at him staring at me keenly. I just stared into his eyes; I couldn't believe I had really gone that long without looking into his soulful eyes that never hid anything from me.

"Are you okay with the imprint Jake; I know you didn't want to and that you hated the idea of it?" I was so happy with it I forgot how he had told me about it last year the hate and malice he held for the entire thing.

He brought one of his hands up and placed it under my jaw and curling around my neck. I indulged in the warmth that seeped into my skin as he began stroking my cheek.

"Bells, I hated the idea of imprinting because I didn't want it to take me from you. I learned a long time ago you were my soul mate and this just confirms that. Did I need it to do that, no, but you did. The thought of me leaving you scared you from being with me, scared you so much you ran to California to protect yourself from me leaving you. I knew I'd never leave you for another but you needed the imprint to reassure you of that. That's why I think the wolf imprinted on you, to give you the reassurance that you were ours and we were yours. If you're not upset than neither am I." He finished by placing a slow sensuous kiss on my awaiting lips.

"Then why did you look so sad when you walked into Sam's house?" It had been bugging me since the moment I'd seen him.

"When you walked away from me on the beach, the wolf thought you were rejecting him and I thought you were upset about the imprint. I was so shocked and upset I couldn't even move from my spot on the beach for so long. I didn't like you walking away from me again; I hate it when I think you're leaving. That's why I growled at you when you said you were leaving at your house. I fought to calm those thoughts because I knew somewhere deep down that you weren't leaving me. Then I knew that we needed to talk about what happened so I followed your scent back to Sam's. When I saw you on the floor in Sam's lap, I knew you were worried and it broke my heart. You can't imagine the joy both the wolf and I felt when you ran into my arms and I knew everything was okay."

"I'm sorry, I was so confused when I recognized that you imprinted. I thought it was supposed to be impossible for us, for me and I needed answers, I knew you were as shocked as I was. There was no way you could have answered any questions I had. I didn't want to leave you, it made me sick to leave you but I needed to know. Jacob even without the imprint I will never leave you again, you're going to have to learn to be comfortable with me saying those words. I know I've scared you badly but I'm not going anywhere." I finished sadly.

He placed his fingers under my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. They were probing mine. "Bells, I understand the reason you left me, I get it, I do and yes you left wounds but they will heal because I know you'll never leave again. Yes it will take some time for me to get comfortable when you walk away from me but I only freaked out like that because the leech was there and I was so worried you'd want him back now that he was here. I get how stupid that idea is now but when it comes to you I don't always think rationally. I knew how much in love you were with him; I knew how much you ached for him to return, to speak to you. You nearly killed yourself jumping off a cliff because of him. That thing sucked everything good and pure from you when he left. You had no light in your eyes, no color in your skin, no happiness in your heart. I fought so god damn hard for you to get all that back and you did. When you left I tried so fucking hard to figure out what would cause you to leave. He was the only thing I could think of, the only reason you'd leave the happiness we found in one another. Yes I know the truth now but the fear of him taking you from me still remained. When I saw him touching you, standing close to you, everything I worried about, in regards to him, since the moment I knew what he was came to the fore front and I believed you were no longer mine, that he had worked his magic on you again."

"Jake…" I began but he interrupted me.

"No, please Bella let me say this, I need to say this. You always feared losing me to some unknown Quileute girl; I only feared losing you to him. I feared he had always remained the most important person in your world and I was only second. I know for a fact that if he hadn't left you wouldn't be here now, that you'd be a bloodsucker and even now that kills me. It kills me to know that had he not destroyed everything I loved about you, I wouldn't get to love you now; I wouldn't get to see you being a mother to our daughters. Since the day on the beach when I told you about the legends I have only pictured my life with you. I always viewed him as a threat to our happiness but I can see that fear was just as misplaced as yours was for imprinting. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. I'm so happy to know that now we can finally be a family and raise our girls together." I dropped my head to his chest, I didn't know he had worried about Edward that much. He dropped his hand from my face and began running both hands through my hair.

"Jacob, you are right to say that when Edward left he was my whole world, the most important being in that world and I was destroyed beyond even my own imagination. You are right to say in the beginning of our friendship I wanted him back. But the moment I chose to start healing from that pain, he lost his importance and slowly yours grew. I'm not going to deny that if he hadn't left that I wouldn't be a vampire now or that he and I would be together, I won't lie to you. But the important thing to remember is that he did leave and you fixed me. You loved all my tiny broken pieces and patiently placed them back together. You fought so that once I was strong enough, I could fight too. I will always carry something for Edward, he was my first love, I can't change that. But what he means now or what he even meant is nothing compared to what you mean to me. Even without you being the father of my children, or the imprint you'd be my choice. I want my life to be with you. I chose you; you are my first choice, not the second. Not the conciliation prize. The one I want and need." I finish with a warm kiss to each peck, the highest place I can reach with my feet flat on the ground.

Jacob growls low and deep in response and it reverberates through my body as he quits stroking my hair and places his warm burning palms on my hips to pull me closer. Only seconds pass before he lifts me up against his body and his mouth claims mine. His lips are rough and demanding against mine. I groaned in approval as his lips forcefully parted mine and his tongue snaked into my awaiting mouth, my legs wrapping themselves around his waist to hold me close to him.

I could feel him moving but he didn't relent on my mouth. My good arm was at the base of his neck tugging and pulling on his hair while my casted arm was running back and forth along his scalp. I didn't pull away to see where we were going, I was too lost in him. Only when my still sore back came into contact with one of the living room walls did I pull away to whimper in pain. Immediately he stopped his actions and pulled back to look me in the eyes.

"Oh god Bella, did I hurt you?" He asked worriedly, pulling me off the wall and setting me back on the ground. He began running his hands up and down my body trying to find where he hurt me, not having the effect he intended.

"Jacob, it's just my back from the vampire, you didn't hurt me; it's still a little sensitive and bruised nothing big, promise." I said as I looked into his worried eyes.

"Can I see it Bells?" He asked, and I nodded in confirmation.

Slowly and carefully he moved his hands down to the hem of my shirt. He locked his eyes with me as he pulled the shirt from my body and threw it somewhere in the room. I was still forgoing wearing bra's at the moment and he noticed I was still wearing a tank, he moved his hand's to the hem of the tank to remove that as well. His eyes shot back to mine as he removed the last piece of clothing adorning my upper body. Since giving birth no one other than Rachel, Emily, and a nurse or two had viewed my new body. I wasn't in the same shape I had been before getting pregnant and I was worried Jacob would be turned off by my less than firm belly and larger less pert breasts. Even only two months of breast feeding had had a negative effect on their youthfulness but still I wish I was still breast feeding them.

As my tank was pulled from my body, Jacob slowly dropped his gaze down my body. I wanted so badly to cover my newly exposed body like I had the first time he saw my body but knew he wouldn't like it. He slowly ran his fingertips from my shoulder down my side slightly brushing the side of my breasts and continuing down to my hip. I was too nervous about his reaction to my body to feel any excitement from his actions.

He paused once his hands reached my hips. I was no longer looking at his eyes but focused them to his chest. I could feel his gaze burning into me and I knew he wanted me to look up at him, I was just so afraid to see anything other than how he used to look at me, I didn't want him to not be attracted to me. Gradually, I raised my eyes to meet his as I bit my lower lip in worry. His eyes were dancing in an uncontained fire. He was burning me in his stare but he wasn't looking at my eyes. He raised his right hand as he ghosted his fingers over the bruise that marked my chest. The bruise had gone from a deep purple black to garish green and yellow, I had no clue what my back looked like as I had refused to see it since that first time. As his fingers ran closer to my breast he applied a bit more pressure and then ran his thumb over my nipple which peaked and hardened in response.

He ran his fingers back over the bruise and growled angrily. Before his fingers reached the bottom of the bruise I took his fingers into the fingers of my injured hand and squeezed. He stopped growling and brought his eyes up to mine.

"I'm okay Jake, he can't hurt me anymore, and it's just a bruise." I knew I was speaking to his wolf right now. He saw his mate injured and the need to protect caused him to growl. This was the first time he was going to see the extent of the injuries I sustained at Riley's hand. While he knew where I had been injured he had only seen the cast. I had no clue how he was going to react when he looked at my back. Just as I had that thought he brought up the hand I wasn't holding and pulled all my hair over my shoulder to rest in front of me, completely uncovering my back. I dropped his hand and my head awaiting his reaction as he walked around me.

I stood completely still while he was behind me. I knew he needed to do this, his wolf needed to see this, so I stood quietly while he took in the damage done to my back. A low hum of a growl came from him as he ran his fingers lightly along all the bruises. When he reached the top of my back just under my neck he paused. Ever so slowly he began tracing a new pattern. I was confused for a small moment until I realized what he was tracing.

"Bells," He asked hesitantly. I didn't move my feet but turned my head around to look at him. I was unsure of his reaction.

"Yeah Jake?"

"Is this…what does this mean?" His voice was thick with emotion as he continued tracing the designs in the tattoo.

"It's a tattoo that represents our family. The main image is a Black Swan in a tribal design, in the belly of the swan there is a tribal wolf similar to the one you wear on your shoulder. I got this as a reminder for me and our girls. No matter what they are half Swan's and they are half Black's. The tribal design as represents their Quileute heritage and the wolf represents you as the swan represents me."

"It's beautiful," he whispered as he dropped a kiss onto the juncture of my neck and shoulder. "Just like you." He finished as he placed another kiss a little higher up on my neck. I couldn't have stopped the shudder that shot through my body even if I had wanted. He continued placing small kisses up my neck and then running his nose down it, causing my breaths to quicken in anticipation.

"Bells," Jake asked his voice thick with desire. I knew I'd agree to anything he asked of me at this moment.

"Yeah," I answered my voice cracking; it had been so long since I had been with him like this. I missed being with him like this. My blood was boiling and I had no desire to cool it.

"You stink." He stated and I sputtered.

"What…" I was dumfounded.

"You smell like the leech, come on lets go take a shower." He said as he gripped my good hand in his and pulled me behind him to the bathroom, I blindly followed still in shock at his previous statement.

Once in the bathroom he stopped and turned toward me. He placed his warm palms on my hips and pulled me flush with his heated body. Slowly and ever so torturously he ran his hands up and down my sides, igniting my desire once again. Tiny moans of approval poured from my mouth. When his hands reached the top of my jeans after several anguishing passes of his hands he moved his large nimble fingers to the button and fly of my jeans. He swiftly undid my jeans and then began pulling them off, kneeling to the ground so as to make sure they reached my feet. As they reached the floor I placed my hand on his strong shoulder for balance and stepped out of them. The moment I was free of my jeans he moved to the shower and started it, adjusting the temperature to be warm enough to be comfortable for me.

With the water warming he returned back to me, where he lifted me up and sat me up on the bathroom counter and then to fell to his knees before me again. He ran his palms to my ankles, kneading my calves as he descended my legs and as delicately as possible he removed each shoe from my foot quickly followed by each sock. He took one foot into his hands and applied pressure to the arch as he brought it up to set on his shoulder. As he ran his scorching palms up my leg slowly he began placing kisses starting at the inside the ankle and working his way up. First the inside of my calf, as his hands reached my knee, then the back of my knee as his palms burned the underside of my thighs and his fingers tickling the inside. My breathing was becoming heavy and we hadn't done anything yet. When his hands reached the top half of my thighs he began spreading them so he could get that much closer to me. He continued to place small delicate kisses up my legs until he reached his hands. I knew his wolf senses were picking up what he was doing to me. My breathing had increased again, my heart was racing, a fine sheen of sweat now covered my body and I knew he could smell what he was doing to me.

As he placed his last kiss, he moved his work to my other leg and I was sure I'd combust before he reached the top. My body was stretched taut and humming in anticipation for what was to come. All worries about how he viewed my body were pushed far in the back of my mind. When he reached the top of my second thigh he removed my feet from his shoulders and then stood between my legs. He placed his hands on my hips and brought me back to my feet. With the lightest of touches he hooked his fingers into the bands of my panties and sent them to the floor with the rest of my discarded clothes.

I brought my hands which had been resting on his well defined chest since he had stood up between my legs and lowered them slowly down his equally defined abdominals, taking in each and every ridge and indentation with the tips of my fingers and relished when they jumped in response. When my fingers reached the top of his cut offs, I quickly undid the button and then slowly slid the zipper down. I moved my hands to the sides of his shorts and slowly tugged them down. His need for me was very evident now that he was free from the confines of his pants.

He locked eyes with me and took my hand in his and gently pulled me to the shower. Through my arousal soaked mind I knew I couldn't just go in the shower without something covering my cast so I pulled back to stop him. He turned back to me with flaming eyes and raised his eyebrows in question.

"I…I can't shower Jake, I, uh, can't get the cast wet." I said as I raised my arm to demonstrate the point. He froze for a moment and then quickly left the bathroom, naked as the day he was born; I couldn't help but admire the view of the back of him. He returned with a plastic bag and walked up to me and pulling it up over my cast and tying it tight against my arm.

Ever so gently he picked me up and placed me into the warm spray of the shower. The water began cascading through my long untamed hair. I soaked up the warmth pouring over me and burning in front of me where Jacob was softly pressed against me. He moved my hair behind me to help the water to wet it quicker, while also running his fingers through the length of it.

The moment my hair seemed to be wet enough for him he reached blindly behind him, never breaking his gaze with me to grab something. I hear the familiar click of a bottle opening and the scent of coconut. I can tell he is pouring some onto his hand. Not breaking eye contact he began to lather the shampoo in my hair. After he was done washing my hair he backed me under the spray to rinse my hair. He then put conditioner in my hair, meticulously covering all the strands. While the conditioner sat in my hair he grabbed a wash cloth from the rack from outside the shower, poured a peach scented shower gel on it and began washing my body starting at my shoulders.

His touch was light but made goose bumps rise every piece of skin he touched. He washed my back in delicate strokes barely applying pressure. He moved the cloth to my front, washing each arm and then each shoulder making small dips towards my breasts. Finally he ran the cloth over my already pebbled nipples and I gasped at the feeling, the rough cloth sliding over my sensitive buds. Once they were thoroughly washed he moved the cloth to my ribs and then across my stomach. I bit my lip, and dropped my head to hide the shame I felt. Either he didn't notice my reaction as he was too concentrated on what he was doing or he chose to ignore it. Once my stomach was washed he knelt before me. He reverently washed my hips and thighs never once getting close to the apex of my thighs. I was trembling in want as he continued down my legs.

Nothing was said, it didn't need to be. It felt as if he was washing away all of the pain and drama from our past. He was cleansing both of our pained hearts, making it easier to breathe with each and every stroke of the cloth on my skin. Somehow this shower was an extension of our new beginning.

When he finished washing my feet he slowly stood and began to rinse my hair and body. As the water ran down my now vampire scent free body he began placing warm kisses to my neck and collar bone. His tongue reaching out to taste the skin beneath his mouth, then he slowly pulled the skin he had just tasted into his mouth gently sucking. I could feel his hardened desire pushing against my stomach but he made no move to relive either of our burning needs. When he reached the point where my shoulder began to descend he brought the same attention to my other shoulder.

The water began to cool so Jacob reached down and turned it off. He opened the shower curtain and pulled two towels of the rack near the shower. He silently wrapped one around my body loosely making sure to not have it tight on my back. With the second towel he proceeded to dry my hair, of course he didn't need a towel, his elevated temperature more than evaporated any water that remained on him following our shower.

With my locks an acceptable level of towel dry he dropped the towel on the floor next to our clothes and stepped out of the tub. He bowed slightly and placed one of his fore arms behind my knees and one on my upper back and swept me bridal style into his arms and walked us to his bedroom. From my position I threw my casted and plastic wrapped arm around his shoulder and pulled myself closer to his neck where I began administering the same torture he put me under in the shower. I was kissing, nipping and sucking along his neck and shoulder.

He walked into his room pausing only briefly to close the door with his foot. He moved to his bed and laid me gently on it. He moved and grabbed something from his dresser and came back to the bed. He sat behind me, pulled me up against his chest and moved my hair to the side. I felt him begin to comb through my hair.

"What are you doing Jake?" I ask softly.

"I'm taking care of you Bells; I couldn't protect you from that thing, so I'm going to take care of you." He said simply as he continued to comb my hair as he placed gentle pecks on my exposed shoulder.

I pulled away from him, bringing myself onto my knees next to his thighs and faced him. He quickly took my casted arm in his hand and proceeded to pull it free from the bag. He took my fingers into his hand and brought them up to his mouth where he kissed the pads of every finger. When he had kissed that hand he moved to the other and did the same, when he was finished with the fingers he kissed my palm and then my wrist. He placed my tiny hand in his and pulled me closer to him as he wrapped his other around the small of my back. Our chests were pressed together with only the towel was separating it.

"I love you Bells." He said as he moved me to my back and hovered over me. I looked up at him content. He was mine, the man that loved the broken me and put the pieces back together, the man that waited for me to see what he did, the man that loved me when I didn't know I couldn't love anyone but the man that broke me, that loved me through my fear of loving another, that loved me enough to protect even from myself. I loved him more than even I think I could ever express in words. But I tried.

"You are my best friend and I love you for fixing me when I thought there was no light in the world. You shone through my pain and fears. You warmed the ice that had formed over my tattered heart. You illuminate every portion of my soul. I have grown so much, changed so much under your love. You are my sun, and like the earth I would die without your light and warmth. I bask in your love and I hope I can give you back even a portion of what you have given me. You are my sun, my world and my love."

"Let me love you Bells, let me make love to you?" He asked me as he placed a small chaste kiss on my lips. I nodded to him in consent and he moved a hand to undo the towel that was still around me. He pulled me free from it and threw it against the wall of his room. He unabashedly raked his gaze along my body. I blushed in response still worried he was less than impressed with my new physique.

"Bells don't." He ordered. I froze.

"What…did I do something wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"Stop worrying about how I see you; I can see you are freaking out in that pretty little head of yours." He moved down my body and kneeled and pulled my hands into his.

"I love your arms, they are so strong and they held our daughters whenever they were distressed or just needed you to show them your love." He kissed my palm, my wrist, the crease of my elbow and then the point of my shoulder.

"I love your breasts because they gave precious sustenance to our pups. I also love their size and shape, nothing you could say could make me hate your breasts Bells." He moved and laid dozens of kisses to each breast never putting much pressure on them.

"I love your stomach because this is where you grew and carried our angels so that they could become strong enough to face the world." He said as he moved down from my breasts still laying kisses along my body and dipping his tongue into my belly button and I arched into him.

"I love your body, I love everything about you so please don't worry." And he reclaimed my mouth stopping any protests that would come, though none would. He had ended any anxiety I had and finally I felt okay about my post baby body.

I quickly matched his intensity with my kisses and reached my hands into his hair and pulled him as close as he could get to me. He groaned into my mouth and soon all of him was covering all of me. He was resting on his elbows and soon his free hands were running up and down my ribs. Up to the underside of my breast down to my hip and back to the swell of my backside and then retraced their path each time he'd reach a bit higher until his hand covered my breast and he kneaded it. I whimpered in shock as they were still a bit sensitive from breast feeding and then the stopping of breast feeding. He pulled away and looked at me.

"It's okay, just be gentle with them, they're sensitive from breast feeding." I soothed.

He dropped his head to my neck and nipped greedily along the tendon sending delicious thrills down my body and I couldn't help but moan in response. He rolled so he was partially on his side next to me. He was running his hand up and down my thigh to my hip sending tingles to my toes.

My injured hand was in his hair encouraging his actions while my other hand was running the expanse of his chest, feeling his pecs pinching and tweaking his nipples. Then I ran my hand down his abs, dragging my nails down each ridge and grove, enjoying the way they contracted to my touch.

As he kissed my body he began descending lower and lower, each kiss reaching a new piece of skin and then was devoured by his mouth. When he reached my breasts he carefully pulled a nipple into his mouth and rolled it with his tongue, I exhaled in pleasure and my good hand shot to his to help hold him there. He brought his hand up to gently massage my other breast. I was lost in the haze of pleasure brought on by Jacob. I couldn't think past anything that wasn't him.

While his hand stayed on my breast increasing the pleasure coursing through my body he drew the kisses down my body. Occasionally he would pull my skin into his mouth and suck and then take long languid laps of that skin.

When he reached my apex he kissed and nipped the inside of my thighs and then rose to where my body was screaming for him. He used one of his hands to gently push my thighs further apart to make more room for him. His hot breaths panted over me and my hips bucked in response desperately seeking what they instinctively knew would come from him. His hand that was pleasuring my breasts dropped to my hip and held my bucking hips firmly to the mattress below. My body was quaking with small tremors of pleasure and anticipation. He placed several small and chaste kisses on me and then devoured me whole. I cried out his name and several indecipherable words in response to his ministrations.

Only he knew how to get me like this and only he ever would get me like this. He knew where to touch and for how long and how much pressure to use to turn me boneless and hazy. He was driving me crazy. My body was frantically trying to pull away from him because it was too much yet it needed more. I was so close to achieving the release I desperately desired. Every muscle from my toes to my finger tips were quivering in need of what was quickly approaching, my moans and heavy panting breaths letting him know. He increased the speed of the licks, nips, sucking and the movement of his fingers brining me to my peak and I screamed out as the wave of release crashed around me. He slowed his actions drawing out the quakes throughout my body until I was a boneless, sweaty and somewhat sated heap on his bed.

He began his way back up my body, kissing and licking the path he had taken down it. A soft rumble tumbled from his body as he tasted my skin. He paused over my hardened nipples and took them into his mouth biting them gently and then releasing them and continuing on his path to my lips. He stopped and reached to his bed side table and I heard him grab something from the drawer.

He reclaimed my mouth. I groaned in pleasure at the taste of myself on his lips, on his tongue as he stroked his along mine. As he rose up my body my legs had stayed parted for him and rested around his waist. My hands were back in his hair pulling and tugging so he would get closer again. He was already building up a new fire inside me and soon he would have to sate that as well. He dropped one of his arms to my lower back and pulled me flush with him.

He rocked back onto his heels and kneeled on the bed bringing me with him firmly into his lap, never breaking any contact with any part of our bodies. His mouth ravaged mine as mine ravaged his. Dropping his hands he ripped something foil and I then understood he was getting a condom. I could feel him putting it on and then he moved his hands to my hips he lifted me enough to position me where he needed me and then slowly and torturously dropped me down on him, connecting us in the most primal of ways. We were now one being.

His hands stayed splayed on my hips and the expanse of my back as he moved me over and against him bringing grunts and rumbling growls from him and moans and mewls from me. I clung to him, lost in him again and everything he was doing to my body. I could feel us connecting on more than the physical level. This was bringing our spirits closer together and our spirits needed the coming release more than our bodies needed the physical release.

He was moving me harder and faster against him, reaching deeper and deeper inside me. My breaths as well as his were no more than pants. He was sucking and biting my shoulder and neck fiercely and I was doing the same to him. I felt the need to mark him, to place a physical claim on him but before I could he captured my mouth and his tongue began copying the movement of another part of him, thrusting, digging and claiming me completely for himself. When the need for breath became evident he released my mouth and returned to my neck.

The familiar quake began in my body and I couldn't stop the tiny screams that were coming from me. I was still kissing his neck when my lips and teeth found a spot they couldn't move from. With as much force as I could muster, driven by some primal force, I clamped my teeth on the tendon on his neck where it met his shoulder and bit sharply into him as my body shuddered with release. When I released my mouth from him I began crying out his name. Between crying out my name he would growl and then I could feel him release within me. He thrust within me a few more times and then stilled me over him but not breaking our connection.

Exhausted he pulled me with him as we fell to our sides. Before my leg could take the brunt of our weight he quickly shifted and unwound my leg from underneath him. He rolled to his back and pulled me with him. My one leg was lying next to him while the other was still over his hip, having fallen from his waist in our moving around.

I was completely and utterly sated now. I was once again boneless and every single nerve in my body tingled in completion. I sighed in contentment against Jake's chest as he placed a kiss to the top of my head and wrapped his arm tightly around me, resting his hand on my hip. We laid in silence for a while, neither of us feeling the need to fill the silence. He began running the tip of his fingers up and down my arm as I began running mine back and forth across his chest.

Soon he got up and walked to the trash to clean himself up and dispose of the condom. Before he returned to the bed he walked to his dresser and grabbed something from the top drawer. He turned and flashed me a cheeky grin and unabashedly stared at my naked frame. Climbing over me he repositioned himself into the bed and pulled me flush to his side once again, now both of us lying on our backs.

"Bells, I want to give you something I've made for you." Jake said.

"What'd you make Jake?" I asked as my thoughts return to the wolf charm bracelet he made for me for my graduation a year ago.

"I know you know what this means but I don't want you to feel pressured or anything because I'm not giving it to you for that reason, so no freaking out until I explain it to you." He said as he opened up his hand and handed me a beautifully braided leather bracelet.

There were several strips of colorful leather interwoven with natural tan leather. The colors woven with the natural leather made a beautiful design. It only took me a minute or two to realize what the bracelet was and what it meant. I had seen one on Rachel, Kim and Emily, as well as a tiny one on Claire and a larger more intricate one on Sue. He had given me a Quileute promise bracelet.

"Okay so if you aren't giving it to me for its intended purpose why did you give it to me Jake?" I asked.

"So it's supposed to be a promise bracelet, a proposal bracelet really but when I propose you'll know but I made this bracelet for you to signify my promise to take care of you and our girls to the best of my ability forever. This bracelet is kind of like your tattoo as it is a representation of our family. The two green cords of leather signify Juliana and Charlotte, for their birthstone color. The blue signifies you, for your birthstone and the red for me. The sun shape the color cords make is supposed to signify that you consider me your sun and this is a promise that I will always try to be that for you. So while this bracelet isn't a traditional bracelet, it is still a promise bracelet from me to you."

"Wow Jake, I love it." I said as I rose up a little and kissed him. I pulled away and he took the bracelet and tied it to my good wrist. Once he was done he kissed me and then quickly deepened it. If I thought I was sated before I had been wrong when in no time the flame was ignited inside of me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew we needed to talk so I pulled back from him enough to speak.

"Um…Jake…aren't we supposed to talk, we have to figure out what we are…" But I was cut off when his lips crashed into mine again. I felt him reaching for his bed side table again.

"Talk later." He said and I firmly agreed. I let him possess me again and spent the rest of my blissful afternoon in his arms where he made love to me two more times. Sure we needed to deal with things with us and the girls but I was too happy to think about those things. So once we showered again and we redressed and returned to the Uley's and our girls for dinner and the meeting that would inevitably occur.

When we walked in we were bombarded with catcalls and cheers. I turned dark red but didn't feel embarrassed. We walked to the couch hand in hand and sat down. Quickly we were handed our daughters and there we sat until dinner was ready all four of us together at last. Our Family.

**A/N:** So in the words of Bella Swan…holy crow! I can't believe I just broke 500 hundred reviews after breaking 400 not two chapters ago. Dumbfounded doesn't even cover what I feel right now. Big gigantic thanks to 'Ravenblaze123' for being the 500th reviewer. Big, big thanks to everyone who has read, alerted, favorited, and reviewed this story. I really do love to read each and every comment you make, so many, many thanks to everyone.

Though this weekend is Christmas weekend I'm here to inform you I won't be taking a week off from this story, though the next chapter might be posted Tuesday or Wednesday instead of the normal Monday. Right now I'm not sure when it will be done but I will have it up before the week is out. I hope everyone who celebrates, has a Merry Christmas. Much love and wolfy hugs and kisses, Samsjazz!

Please let me know what you think.


	21. Giggles and Guilt

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it; I just play in the universe.

Ch. 21

Giggles and Guilt

I was currently curled up into Jake's side. His arm was thrown over my shoulder and he would either give my arm a squeeze or pull me closer every couple of minutes or so, like he was trying to remind himself I was really there. I couldn't stop the little smile that formed every time he did it because while reminding himself I was there, he was reminding me he was there as well.

While I was lost in that thought I heard Juliana shift and stir on Jake's shoulder and start to wake. I was holding Charlotte in my lap because my cast had made it uncomfortable for her to be held against my chest to rest. I knew it was getting close to their feeding time so I shifted a little to pull away from Jake so that I could go into the kitchen and make some bottles. Before I could move much or tell him what I was going to do, Rachel walked into the living room carrying two bottles and two burp cloths. We both thankfully took the bottles from Rachel.

When Juliana finally woke Jake shifted her in his arms so that he could cradle and feed her. I was so filled with joy watching him feed our daughter. He was so gentle with her and the look of contentment that filled his eyes when he looked at her filled my heart to the brim. I knew when I found out that I was going to have a baby that he was going to be an amazing father, I'm so glad I was right. I knew just by looking at him, he'd do anything for his girls.

While Juliana was happily drinking her bottle I felt Charlotte stir in my lap. Just as she started whimpering I moved the bottle to her tiny little lips and she began suckling on her bottle. Next to me I could hear Jacob taking in the sweetest, softest voice I had ever heard come from his lips to Juliana as she stared at her daddy. He would coo at her and then make weird little faces and never once did Juliana drop her gaze from Jacob. A face splitting grin was plastered to my face just staring at them. He looked so happy to hold and feed his daughter. While making another face, Juliana stopped suckling and Jacob removed the bottle and continued to speak to her. He must have said something or made a face she found particularly funny because she opened her mouth and smiled a big toothless smile at Jacob and all the milk she had in her mouth came rolling out down her chin and cheeks. Seeing her smile so broadly and then spit all her milk on Jacob made me laugh.

"Do you think daddy is funny pup?" Jacob cooed to our enamored daughter as he grabbed the burp cloth and wiped her mouth, neck and then himself off. He was continuing to make faces at her and she continued to give him big toothless smiles, raising her closed fists at him and every once in a while tiny gurgles that suspiciously sounded like the beginnings of baby laughter.

After a few minutes of contented gurgles and giant smiles Jacob gave Juliana her bottle back to finish feeding her. While I let Charlotte finish the rest of hers and then began to burp her. It was a little difficult to maneuver her up onto my shoulder but once I got her there she settled contentedly against my chest while I patted her back.

When Jacob finished feeding Juliana he put her on his shoulder and threw his arm back over my shoulder and pulled me close again, laying a kiss to the top of my head. I just snuggled deeper against him in response.

"Have they smiled before?" He asked softly, his chin resting on the top of my head.

"Yeah a little though not as much or for as long and she's never laughed before either."

"That was one of the most amazing sounds I've ever heard." He told me.

"Yeah," I agreed. I shifted a little so that I could look up at him. I was flabbergasted by the joy I saw shining in his eyes, joy I knew he could probably see in mine as well before I could say anything or even think about how happy he looked he dropped his face towards mine and captured my lips in his. He kissed me languidly stroking his tongue along mine and I moaned in response. He pulled back slowly placing a few gentle pecks on my lips and gave me a devilish smile.

"That right there is one of my favorite sounds." He said smugly.

"Okay you two cut it out. I'm already an uncle to two I don't need to be one to three before the first two are even walking and the way you two are acting today that seems to be an actual possibility." Paul yelled out happily from the doorway as he walked into the room and then over to the couch to plop down next to me.

"And seriously how could you go at each other like that while holding your daughters? That's just wrong. Corrupting them and they're only two months old what kind of example are you setting for them." Paul tsked us but smiled broadly.

"Oh like you're any better, as I seem to remember you are much worse than Jake and I. So don't you go accusing us of corruption when you've corrupted half the pack." I teased back raising an eyebrow.

"Oh how right you are Izzy, I have corrupted half the pack haven't I?" He boasted proudly.

"And you're worried my infant daughter will be corrupted by seeing their parents kissing, when I've seen you do worse?"

"Oh I'm not worried that you two kissing will corrupt them, if it was just simple kissing. That there looked like you two were getting ready for round- thankfully I don't know yet, but I know it's more than two cause you guys were gone all day- with your children in your arms. And wait until the pack see's today's activities I'm sure there is some corruption on your part." He cheered gleefully. I groaned in realization that everything I'd done today would be replayed to the pack. Sometimes I really hated their mind link.

"First Bells, you know I'll try to keep it private but you know I'll slip up some, I'm sorry." He said as he placed an apologetic kiss to the top of my head and I leaned into him. "Second what the hell is going on with you two? You're joking and being nice to one another and it's not the first time, you've been acting different around her for over a week now Paul. And where the hell did the nickname from, you've never called her anything other than leech lover or Bella."

"Uh Bella and I came to an understanding last week and our old animosity kind of died away. I don't hate her. The name thing-I figure since everyone else has given her a nickname I might as well too." Paul reasoned while he avoided the reason we came to an 'understanding', not that he could really say anything with the alpha order in place. Guilt curled in my stomach as I realized I was keeping something from Jacob, something he should probably know but I was still afraid of his reaction.

A noise from the front door brought snapped us all to attention and the previous mood was forgotten. Kim came trudging through the living room door way but stopped when she looked at Jake and I.

"Oh my god." She squealed while jumping up and down. "Oh my god this is so great." I couldn't quite tell if she was saying anything after that as her squeals had become unintelligible.

"Calm down Kim, what's got you so riled up." Jared said as he wrapped his arms around her in an effort to both calm her jumping and also to just hold her. He smiled at us as he rested his chin on her head.

Kim still vibrating with happiness smacked Jared's bicep as hard as she could without hurting herself. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?" She yelled at him.

"Tell you what Kim?" He asked rather uncomfortable, he never liked her mad at him, though I could still hear the excitement in her voice.

"That they were back together, I mean look at them, they look so happy and cute together." She said happily while her hand gestured wildly at me and Jake.

"Well babe it's a little more complicated than that and I wasn't going to tell you that over the phone." Jared reasoned with her.

"What's complicated about them being together, I'm assuming Jacob got over his issue with her going over to the Cullen's house yesterday? Or is that the complicated part?"

"No, that doesn't even really matter right now, you see um…you see Jake he a…imprinted today." Jared explained and silence fell on the room as we waited for Kim to react.

No one moved for what felt like hours but was most likely seconds when, "YOU WHAT!" Kim yelled as her eyes narrowed at Jacob. The volume of her voice so loud it startled both girls who jumped awake and quickly began wailing. Both Jacob and I shot her death glares and then we quickly tried to calm both girls down.

I stood as quick as I could and began bouncing Charlotte and patting her back gently trying to calm her down. My girls never liked being woken during the middle of their sleep and they always let me know how displeased they were whenever it occurred. Thankfully I wasn't by myself right now because there was nothing worse than being alone with two angry, wailing babies.

Kim had the decency to give me and Jake a sheepish apology and then she and Jared moved to the loveseat.

"Hey Paul, could you go to the diaper bag and grab two pacifiers out for me?" I asked over the din. He nodded his head and walked to where the diaper bag sat, pulled out two pacifiers and gave one to Jacob. He walked up to me and then motioned for me to turn. I did as followed and he gently coaxed the pacifier into Charlotte's mouth. He wiggled it around for a moment or two and then she latched onto in and sucked energetically, calming her almost instantly. Paul placed a kiss to her forehead and returned to the couch. I looked over at Jacob and saw that he had stood after being given the pacifier and was doing the same thing as I was, bouncing and patting Juliana's back.

When I knew both of my daughters were calm, I walked back to the couch and took my seat, moments later Jacob took his place as well. Once I was settled he threw his arm back over my shoulder and pulled me flush against him. We both turned our gazes to Kim and Jared sitting on the loveseat. Kim flushed with embarrassment.

"Would someone please explain what the hell is going on? You said Jacob imprinted, well how in the hell is he acting all lovey-dovey with Bella then?" Kim whispered yelled.

"Well if you had let me finish you would have heard me say that he imprinted on Bella." Jared told her, his voice matched the same volume hers just had. I response to his words Kim's eyes got wide and her jaw dropped comically and then she jumped up from her seat but still staring at us both. After a minute of awed silence a rather large smile slowly began forming on her face and her eyes lit up with elation. She then started dancing around squealing in delight.

"Oh my god, oh my god, ohmygod, this is so awesome." She squealed much quieter than her outburst before but her jumping around had suspiciously started looking like a spastic snoopy dance.

"What has Kimmie lookin' like a loon?" Quil asked as he walked in the room. It was just then that I remembered he had spent the entire day at the Makah res. and didn't know about any of the events of today. At Quil's comment Jared gave a low growl.

"What," Quil asked defensively. "I mean look at her she looks like she drank ten pots of coffee and is doing a scary snoopy dance on crack." When he finished talking he looked around the room at everyone else and his eyes stopped on Jake and widened.

"Holy Fuck, Jake got laid." Quil exclaimed. A growl fell from Jake's lips shaking the babies and me. They didn't even react.

"Don't swear in front of my children." Jake ordered.

"Sorry." Quil apologized.

"How do you know he got laid?" Jared asked.

"I know my best friend, he's been sexually repressed for months, and horny as hell since Belly here came back and ever since she woke up in the hospital he's given us all blue balls with his need to claim Bella. I haven't seen him that antsy since way before they started sleeping together and now look at him he's all calm, cool and collected. They're all snuggly and shi…stuff and he's fine, not even a twitch. He looks like he's over his little 'she went to the Cullen's' freak out. My conclusion is Jake got laid." He kept eyeing the both of us as if he'd solve the biggest puzzle by staring at us.

"Why do I have the feeling I missed a lot of shit today?" Quil asked as he eyed the room.

"Quil, what did I say about swearing?" Jacob chided.

"So are you going to tell me what went down or do I have to have someone phase with me to find out?" He asked as he ignored Jacob's comment.

"Glad you're here Quil, we were just about to have a meeting to discuss some things." Sam said as he walked into the room followed by Embry, Seth, Collin, Brady, and Leah. I dropped my gaze from Leah quickly afraid of what I'd see. As the wolves walked into the living room, I saw in the corner of my eye Jared pulling Kim into his lap. The room filled quickly as the wolves settled around the room for the meeting. I noticed Emily, Rachel and Sue walk into the living room from the kitchen. I was a little shocked because I didn't even notice that Sue was even here.

Not a minute after Sam and the other wolves had come into the room did I hear Billy wheeling through the front door followed closely by Old Quil.

"Holy shi…cow, I really did miss a lot if we're having a council and pack meeting." Quil said.

"Okay now that we're all here let's bringing Quil, Kim, Collin and Brady up to speed on today's events, from what I heard Kim knows some but not all." Sam said as Kim was bouncing slightly on Jared's lap a crazy grin plastered on her face.

"This morning while Bella was at her house packing the rest of her belongings she received two surprise visitors, at her door was Alice and Edward Cullen." Sam said but was quickly interrupted by Quil.

"Sam man, I swear to you when I left her there, there were no signs of any bloodsucker; you know I wouldn't have left her there if there were." He said, pleading for understanding.

"Quil, we all know you wouldn't have left Bella alone if you had had any clue about them coming, from what Bella told me today, they didn't arrive until later." Sam relieved Quil's worry.

"What we need to talk about is the fact that now that the Cullen's are in Forks, and from what was said, that they plan to stay for an unknown amount of time we cannot cross over the treaty line to patrol. This has severely reduced our patrol routes and made it easier for Victoria and those she has enlisted to get closer to Bella. It will be harder for us to find her before she gets close to La Push; the only good thing is that we are all within a short distance from any point on our territory meaning once she comes within range it'd be much easier to grab her or anyone she sends. The negative is that this leaves Forks and all its inhabitants vulnerable. As well as once she crosses back over the treaty lines we can't follow." Sam informed.

"Do they know about Victoria and here presence here?" Billy asked. They all turned to Sam who was staring at me and then everyone's gaze moved to me.

"Alice had a vision of Victoria feeding in Portland. They questioned me about her and learned that she is after me so they know she is currently in Portland but that we know she'll return for me."

"Okay, speaking of Portland, there have been several more disappearances this week as well as in Olympia. If we are to believe that everyone that has disappeared has been turned then we are looking at over ten new vampires along with the red head and the one that attacked Bella last week, we could now be outnumbered."

At Sam's words a sickening chill ran through me, this week alone ten people had most likely lost their life because of me, ten people who would now have an unnatural drive to suck the life from more people. People who had families waiting for them but would never see again. How much pain and heartache would be caused because of me. Why must it be for my life to continue dozen's of people's lives must end and endless more destroyed? I ignored this guilt, this relentless barrage of the faces of the ones who had died because of me, most days. Most days it sat in the back of my mind where I let other things take precedence so that guilt couldn't eat me alive. With the drama of coming home and struggling to find my way back to Jake I had barely focused on that guilt, it was like it was a distant memory. Just moments ago I was happy, so blissfully happy I didn't think anything could bring me down but now the dark clouds were trying to shield me from my sun. I felt the most guilt for the man who gave me the cast I now wear. His family has searched for him for over two years, they are in pain, and they are broken because someone took his life to make him into the monster he now is so that he could help take my life. I knew if I looked up the faces of the missing, of those who were becoming the weapon to attack me and the one's I hold dear I would forever scar my soul with guilt. It is just easier to live in ignorance. As the saying goes; ignorance is bliss, so in bliss I shall remain.

"Bells you have to cut that out, their deaths are not your fault, they are Victoria's fault. She is the one killing them; she is the one turning them, not you. Just because she is coming for you doesn't make it your fault. You have to quit feeling guilty over their deaths." Jacob ordered from next to me. I looked up at him and could see the resolve in his eyes, he wasn't going to let the guilt get to me. I just nodded my head in agreement to his order. He placed a kiss to the top of my head to comfort me and I melted into it and him.

"He's right Bella, their lives are not in your hands and neither are their deaths. Now with patrols we are going to up it to three to four wolves on at all times but we are going to reduce the amount of time that you are on duty. With more wolves on duty at once the chance of any vampire getting through our lines is slim to none and with us resting more we will be sharper. I'm still trying to work on the exact schedule and the best way to stack the patrols but once I do I'd like to keep the same rotation till the she-bitch is killed." Sam said.

"Okay so we know what to do about Vicky and the evil minions but what are we supposed to do about the Cullen's?" Quil asked.

While Quil asked the question Jacob moved his arm off my shoulder and slid to the floor with Juliana in his arms. He reached for the diaper bag and pulled out the supplies he needed. He laid Juliana on the diaper pad and proceeded to change her while the conversation continued.

"Right now, the treaty stands so we can't cross over in wolf form nor can we phase on their side of the line and neither can they cross ours. I would like it if you could avoid going on their territory at all costs. I know we have to go over to get our supplies and such but please try to avoid it as much as possible. Along with avoiding Forks I want you to be careful along the treaty line. I don't want them to antagonize you into crossing the line and breaking the treaty. We have enough vampires to worry about; I don't want to have to plan a war against them as well." Sam said with his brows furrowed.

While Sam was speaking Jake finished re-diapering and redressing Juliana and then he placed her on my lap. He stretched and grabbed Charlotte from my arms to change her as well.

"Well I believe the only thing they could say or do to antagonize us is to bring up Bella and the mind reader can just search through our thoughts for any information he wants." Billy said.

Jacob returned to my side once he had redressed Charlotte.

"He's right he doesn't need to say anything to pull what he wants from our heads, it's how he pissed me off today. Bella said something about me being the best for her and I started thinking about the last time we were together and he saw it and accused me of violating her." Jacob told everyone.

"There is one thing we can do, when on patrol we don't think about Bella." Paul said from next to me.

"I would like that; I really don't want him excavating our thoughts for information on Bella when he doesn't deserve any." Jacob said.

"Well, how the hell are we not supposed to think about a member of our pack?" Embry asked.

"There is only one way I can think of to make sure you don't think about Bella or anything that deals with her, but I won't do it unless you all agree to it." Sam said.

"What do you want to do Sam?" Seth asked from across the room on the floor, he raised his eyes briefly to me and then they fell to Charlotte. I couldn't stop the hurt that hit me when I seen his eyes light up once they landed on my daughter.

"If you agree, and only if you all agree, I could put an alpha order on everyone to not think about Bella while phased or in the presence of the Cullen's. That way he can't pilfer any information from us on that regard." Sam said.

A chorus of 'I agrees' came from the room. Paul, Jared, Quil, Embry, Collin, Brady and Seth agreed quickly. The whole room waited on baited breath for Leah's response. We all knew that if she didn't agree then Sam would never put the order up, the only wolf he never alpha ordered was Leah.

"I agree, I don't like it but I agree it's for the best." Leah quietly acquiesced.

"Thank you Leah." Jacob uttered quietly.

A look passed between the two and then I could see Leah put her mask back on.

"Okay, while near the treaty line or off the reservation, no one is allowed to think about Bella in any sense since the moment the Cullens left two years ago. This includes the babies, her relationship with Jake, and the imprint. Nor can you think or speak about anything of the like around any Cullen. The Bella we have all gotten to know since the Cullens left is essentially erased when near the line or off the res." I heard the Alpha in his voice as Sam issued the order to the pack.

"Okay does that mean that we will forget Bella?" Collin asked.

"No, you will know who she is but you won't be able to access any of your memories of her within the boundaries I just stated. If you are in Forks and you see her, you will recognize her but your memory will be fuzzy and you won't be able to remember specifics, facts will be erased until you return to the res."

"Now Jacob and Seth this order will not work for you because I can't order you to not think about your imprints, because of this Seth when you are on patrol you will stay on the southern border, furthest away from Cullen land. I would also like you to stay on the res. at all times. Jacob the same goes for you unless you need to accompany Bella to Forks. Now I have to ask that any council members or imprints also remain on the res. If you were to leave it could make this order invalid if you were to think anything while near Cullen. For supply runs Emily I want you to make a list of things you'll need and give them to either Jared or Paul and they will get what is needed."

"Okay, there is one thing I'm confused about. You said we couldn't think about the imprint, are you talking about Seth's imprint on Charlotte?" Quil asked, clearly confused.

"Um, no I'm talking about Jake's imprint on Bella…"Sam started.

"What…he…no that's impossible…"Quil stammered.

"Quil, Jake imprinting was the other thing that occurred today that we needed to tell you. After Bella left her house she went to the beach, Jake followed her and then he imprinted. We have several theories as to why it occurred today, but they are just that, theories." Sam gave a small smile as he told Quil. Quil got a stupid grin on his face but said nothing.

"So now that we've covered everything how about we eat?" Sam asked. All the wolves cheered in agreement.

Jake and I carried the girls to the bedroom and place them in the crib, the meeting had lasted long enough that it was now past their bedtime. Once we got the girls settled we found a spot at the table, Jake took a seat and unceremoniously pulled me into his lap. We all ate; the normal meal ruckus reverberated around the room as everyone talked to everyone. I stayed quiet, the guilt I still felt and the enormity of the order the wolves were now under were occupying my thoughts. Hell even the events of today were enough to keep me silent for days. Things I thought were supposed to never happen had occurred and I really couldn't wrap my head around anything. The Cullen's were back (at least Alice and Edward) and I knew if the learned exactly the type of threat I was under they would quickly send for the others. I really didn't know how I was supposed to feel about their return. It had been something I had wanted for so long but after a while I had come to terms with them never coming back. They were a part of my past that seemed unfinished but my future was enough that I thought I was okay with that. Now I wasn't so sure.

The one thing that shocked me the most but I was the most okay with was the imprint. I was relieved of the biggest most oppressing fear and even though the explanation for it happening was only a theory, it was enough for me because they believed I was always supposed to be his and it was only my past that got in the way of my future. That was something I already knew, something I was familiar with. My past had always impeded my relationship with Jake; my fear of the pain being repeated always got in my way and caused me to act with extreme caution. It was the cause of me pushing Jake away numerous times, to many times to count.

What I was really having trouble with was reconciling the imprint on Charlotte and my relationship with Seth and the effect Jake imprinting had on any relationship I could have with Leah. Though Leah had always been anything but nice to me I knew she was just taking her pain and resentment out on me, I had hoped after our heart to heart earlier this week that we could have come to some understanding, now I feared all would be lost.

"Hey," Jake whispered as he nudged my shoulder lightly with his.

"Hey," I replied just as quietly back.

"You okay Bells?" He asked his voice barely any volume filling it.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be, I have the man of my dreams forever and he just so happens to have an incredibly hot body as well." I joked to cover up my current unease but Jake being Jake saw right through it.

"You don't have to pretend with me Bells, I know this has been a very emotional day, if you're not okay that's fine." He breathed back as he placed a kiss on my cheek.

"I know it's just…" I stopped I really didn't know what it was.

"I have to do something okay?" I asked. He just nodded.

"Um Seth, could I talk to you for a moment?" I asked as I looked across the large room full of curious faces.

"Uh yeah, sure, no problem," He stammered as he stood. I stood as well and walked out the back door towards the woods. Emily and Sam had placed benches in their back yard and I decided that they would be a good place to have a talk with Seth about the tension between us and the giant furry pink elephant that seemed to follow us around.

I sat uncomfortably on a bench waiting for Seth to sit as well. I had no clue how I wanted to approach this conversation with him. His imprint on Charlotte had put a large rift between us, one I created. I felt like my relationship with him was being threatened, like I was going to lose my little brother if this didn't go well.

"Look Bella, if I could control this I would've never imprinted on Charlotte, you gotta know that. I know you hate me right now and Jake isn't much better but…" The tone of his voice was pleading and I interrupted him.

"I don't hate you and I know that Jake doesn't either. I feel a ton of things about the imprint but hate for you isn't one. I know you've seen some of how a feel from Leah's memories but I want you to hear it from me." I paused and took a deep breath trying to collect and order my thoughts.

"You need to understand that when I seen you imprint on Charlotte most of my freak out wasn't even about you, it was the manifestation of my fear of losing Jake. Now that doesn't mean I'm not worried or upset because I am. I don't like that her future is set in stone, I don't like that her love is set in stone. I hate how everyone says the imprint gets a choice but they will eventually choose the wolf, because nothing is better. I want nothing more than for her to have a choice in her life. I want her to be anything and be with anyone she wants and I fear this imprint will limit her.

"Not only do I worry about her choices I also worry about the importance of you in her life. I know for experience that Quil is everything to Claire, just as she is everything to him. And I hate that you'll be the most important person in her life, she's two and a half months old and as she grows so will her dependence on you. Jake, Juliana and I should be the most important people in her lives. She should depend on me more than you but I already know she won't and I want to hate you for that. I want to hate you because I fear her first word is going to be 'Seth' and not mama or dada like it should be.

"But it's not just her I'm worried about Seth. I'm worried about you too. I'm worried because I know you'll wait for her to grow up. You are going to have to wait nearly twenty years and hope that when it's time for her to choose she chooses you. I'm worried about what will happen if she doesn't. You are an amazing person and you will be an amazing partner and husband, so if that's what you become for Charlotte then I know she could have no one better. But here is the biggest problem I see, Jacob sees you as his brother. I see you as my brother and if Charlie and your mom continue on the romantic path that they are on then they will most likely get married. To Juliana and Charlotte your mom is going to be Grandma Sue and Leah will be Auntie Leah-though I think if either girl ever calls her that she'd skin me alive-and you will be Uncle Seth. I fear that she will only ever see you as her favorite Uncle Seth and not as anything else. I don't want you to wait twenty years and have her never see you as anything other than family.

"Seth you were meant to be in love and be loved. I don't want you to wait for her and then be heart broken when she doesn't choose you. Just like I want her to fall in love more than once, I want for you as well. I want you to date and be the sixteen year old you are supposed to be and not the wolf cosmically bound to your infant niece. I want you to fall in love and get your heart broken. I want you to break a few yourself and if you find a girl who you want to marry and start a family, don't worry you'll hurt Charlotte by doing so, she'll understand and find someone for herself. I love you Seth and I just want you to be happy as much as I want the same for by little girl."

"But Bella I am happy and I already love Lottie, not in the way Jacob loves you, you know that. I can see the amazing little person she is going to become and I only want what you want for her, if she doesn't find happiness in me I'll be fine. Right now I only want to protect her and care for her. I don't know what the future holds for me and her but I'm just going to enjoy being her uncle. I just want us to get back to how we were before all this, and as important as you think I'll be for Lottie, I can promise you and Jake will always be the most important people in her life hands down." He said in earnest.

"Lottie?" I asked with my eyebrow raised, he blushed.

"Well I figured that since Juliana had a nickname, Lottie needed one as well and I thought it fit."

"You're lucky I like it or I'd kick your ass buddy." I smiled at him. He laughed in response.

"Are we okay?" He asked hesitantly.

"We're good, I'm not going to stop you from seeing her and I'm not going to be upset when you want to hold her and help out with her." I responded back.

"Let's get back inside, you gotta wiped. I don't think you know how to have a boring day." He chuckled.

"Seth I'm the mother to twin girls, the mate of a werewolf, I have a vampire ex-boyfriend and another wanting me dead, you're right I don't know what a boring day looks like."

We walked back to the house together and I felt much lighter, I was still uneasy but I expected I would be for a while. We were in uncharted territory and we had to navigate it together. I had a feeling the road ahead was going to be bumpy but we'd find our way.

Once inside Jake pulled me into his arms and led me to my room, he helped me change into pajamas and we settled into bed together. We laid on our sides, my back to his chest. He wrapped a strong warm around me and pulled me flush against him. He took his hand and pulled all my hair over my shoulder to expose my neck. He placed several kisses on the exposed skin and sighed.

"Are you really okay with Seth now Bells?" He asked softly.

"As okay as I'm going to be for a while. We're just going to have to take this one day at a time." I gave him the best answer I could.

"If you're okay with it, then I'll be okay with it. Now go to sleep honey. I have patrol in the morning so I might not be here when you wake up, okay?" He said as he kissed my neck again.

I nodded back to him in response the events of the day finally dragging me down to sleep. I snuggled back into Jake's comforting warmth and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

A/N: Sorry this is out later than I intended; this chapter kicked my ass. Because of the late posting next chapter will probably post late Tuesday or Wednesday. Thanks everyone who read, alerted, favorite and reviewed last chapter, it means a lot. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend holiday and a wonderful New Year. I shall be spending my New Year digging out of this blizzard. I hate snow. Please let me know what you think, your reviews really inspire me to write and to write quickly.


	22. I Shocked The Sherriff

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any character in the Twilight universe. I just own the twins and Adam and Lucas.

Ch. 22

I Shocked the Sherriff

I woke up alone like I suspected I would. Last night had been the first night that Jake and I had taken care of the girls together. They woke up three times throughout the night, it helped a lot to tag team the girls and I was thankful. During the last feeding, I forced Jacob back to bed so that he could get some sleep before he had to patrol, of course he insisted on staying up and helping. After changing their diapers we climbed back in bed and he once again pulled me against him. I fell back asleep almost immediately. I had a feeling that baring any vampire attacks that for the next several months are nights were going to be very similar and I was glad at the thought.

I stretched and climbed out of the bed walking towards the crib. Both girls were awake and staring at their mobile happily and content. Knowing they were awake and happy meant that they had just woken and would soon be demanding to be fed. I marched into the kitchen to prepare the bottles and then ask if Emily, or if she was here Rachel, could help me get dressed.

I had just finished mixing the bottles up and checking them for the right temperature when Rachel and Paul walked into the door. I smiled at them and then laughed when I saw Paul take a huge whiff of what Emily was cooking on the stove and then quickly take a seat at the table next to Sam bouncing up and down in anticipation for the meal ahead. Rachel smiled at him with loving indulgence and then walked into the kitchen to greet me and Emily

"Hey Rach, since Emily is busy slaving away as usual do you think you could help me get dressed and then help with the girls?" I asked as I pulled my hair over my shoulder trying to tame the scary bed head I knew I was sporting.

"No he didn't, no he freaking didn't; I'm going to kill him." Rachel said in a raised strained voice. I was very confused as to what she was upset about.

"What's wrong, what did Paul do?" Emily asked looking as confused as I felt.

"Oh Paul isn't the idiot I'm going to kill, I'm going to kill my idiot little brother." She said as venom filled her voice. I heard Paul shout and an indignant 'hey' at Rachel's idiot comment.

"What did Jacob do?" I asked.

"He…I can't believe he did that and didn't tell anyone? He proposed to you and you two didn't say anything? When did this happen?" She asked her voice loosing the anger and soon it was replaced with hurt.

"What…he didn't propose to me. Why do you think he did?"

"That little bobble on your wrist says otherwise." She accused as she pointed at the bracelet on my wrist, instant understanding finally fell over me. Sam and Paul walked into the room after hearing the commotion.

"He didn't propose, this isn't a symbol of an engagement, but it is a promise bracelet, he said it's a promise that he'll do anything to take care of me and the girls forever, a promise that someday he will propose, it's supposed to represent our family with the colors interwoven to represent us. We aren't engaged Rach, if we were, we would tell you guys right away. It's not like we could keep it from anyone."

"Okay sorry for the little freak out, I know you guys wouldn't keep something that big from me. I just saw the bracelet and jumped to a giant conclusion." She said sheepishly.

"That's okay Rach, now could you be so kind and help me?"

"How about we have these two feed the girls while I get you dressed and ready?" Rachel asked as she motioned at Sam and Paul.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, put them to work while I get breakfast done." Emily chimed as she turned back to the stove. They both nodded a bit reluctantly in agreement.

With that I handed the two bottles to the men and followed Rachel into my room. She made her way to the girls' duffel bag and pulled out two matching outfits and then she dug out two hair barrettes that we had bought on our shopping trip. I raised my eyebrow at her; she had picked some of the most girly things the girls had. I had a feeling that this was more to torture Sam and Paul then it was the girls but I still had to fight a small shudder at all the pink and frills being placed on the bed.

"Are you planning on torturing my daughters as much in the future?" I asked worried. She just gave me a big smile and then stood, gathered the clothes and barrettes in her hand and bent over the side of the crib and picked Juliana and walked out of the room. I smiled after her and gently picked Charlotte up, she gave me a tiny smile and my heart warmed.

I bit my cheeks as I walked into the living room to prevent from bursting out in laughter. The absolute horror written on the faces on two of the toughest wolves was hilarious. These tough macho men were afraid of frill and pink. I listened as she explained what they had to do with the barrettes and was shaking with repressed mirth. They looked as if she had just asked them to cut a finger off.

"Wha…Why do we have to do the girly stuff? I don't know how to do barrettes." Paul exclaimed sounding fearful and whiny all at once.

"Because I said, and I told you how to do it, now start feeding them while I help Bella." She turned and I walked passed her and handed Charlotte to Sam and followed Rachel back shutting the door behind me.

The moment our eyes met we burst into body shaking laughter.

"Not funny." Came through the door muffled, there was no doubt in my mind that Paul was not pleased that we had found this hilarious.

Once our laughing calmed and we could both breathe evenly I moved to my clothes and pulled out something to wear. As soon as my hand touched my clothes I remembered something I had forgotten in the chaos that was yesterday. I stood, pushed the thought back and turned to Rachel. She wordlessly moved to help me. We quickly got me changed out of my clothes and into the ones I picked out. I felt Rachel pull me to sit on the bed as she moved behind me.

"That bracelet really is beautiful Bella." She said as she moved all my hair behind my shoulders and began brushing it. Soon enough she was twisting and twining my hair into an elaborate French braid. I thanked her when she was done and she moved around me to put some light make-up on me. When she was finished she stood, smiled at me and then left the room leaving me very confused as to why she had dolled me up and dressed the girls up as well.

I walked back into the living room and I melted into a puddle of goo. Sitting before me sat Paul and Sam holding a little girl in their large hands. They had successfully dressed the girls and also successfully gotten the barrette into their hair correctly. They had comfortably gathered the topmost section of their hair and loosely twisted it and placed the barrette at the base holding the little shocks of hair securely where tiny curls sat atop bouncing with each movement the two made with the girls. I wanted to groan in annoyance with the fact that the girls looked adorable in their little pink dresses but it made their skin tone gleam. I had a feeling they were going to be wearing a lot a pink if their aunt had anything to say about it.

Paul and Sam held the girls up in a standing position their large hands spanned across the girls' backs their fingers reaching to the base of the necks all the way to the small of the back. What real got me was they were both smiling and talking to the girls in little baby voice. They were enjoying what they were doing and I realized how amazingly lucky my girls were. They had eight overprotective and loving uncles who adored them. They were never going to want for lack of love; they were going to find it in abundance.

"You guys having fun?" I asked as I made my way to the chair and took a seat; Rachel came in from the bathroom not a moment later and took her seat next to Paul.

"Sure we love hanging out with the girls especially when they are giving us so many smiles." Paul said in a cooing voice. I stood there with my jaw hanging. Paul 'the meanest wolf' Meraz was cooing.

"Better close that trap Izzy or you're going to catch some flies." Paul dryly said, never looking up from my smiling daughter. I just shook my head.

"So um Sam, uh I just remembered that I still have some clothes to pack at Charlie's that weren't picked up yesterday in the hubbub." I said shyly.

"Oh well, I'll send Paul and Jared up to grab everything then." He replied back.

"Well it's just that I didn't go through everything and um…" I cut off not sure what to say.

"I know you want to go to get your stuff Bella but I can't risk Edward getting anything from your thoughts…" He began but I cut him off.

"You mean you don't know? I was sure Jacob would have shared that. Yes Edward can read minds, all in fact except mine and well I guess Charlie's sorta too."

"What do you mean he can't read you or Charlie's mind? How have I known you for two years and not known this?"

"Well Edward has never been able to read my mind, we don't know why, I was just silent for him and one time he told me that with Charlie he can hear his thoughts they just sound like jumbled nonsense, he usually has to listen to it for long periods of time to get a gist of what he's thinking. As for you not knowing, I told Jacob the day I figured out that you guys were wolves. I guess I just thought that he would have thought about it at some point." I said shrugging.

"I don't like it but I have a feeling if I say no, you'll find a way anyways, so I'll wait to see if Jake's okay with it and then I'll send Paul, Jared and Embry to Forks with you to get your stuff."Sam said a little unwillingly.

Emily walked into the living room and smiled brightly at the boys whose attention was still focused on Juliana and Charlotte.

"Okay now, what kinda face it that little Lottie?" Sam asked softly. Hearing her new nickname being used so easily by Sam led me to the conclusion that Seth had come up with it days ago and had been thinking it while phased and the idea didn't bother me in the least. I really did like it.

I moved closer to Sam to see Charlotte's expression and noticed Juliana wearing a similar expression. I knew what it was and soon both wolves would to so I patiently waited for them to find out. About twenty seconds later both their noses crinkled up in disgust and they looked like they didn't want to hold the girls anymore.

"What the hell, we just changed you? Oh god does that smells!" Paul cried out in offense staring at Juliana, she just smiled at him.

"Well, Bella, Rachel, breakfast's done, boys you know what to do." Emily said as she started walking back to the kitchen. I got up slowly from my spot and followed a smiling Emily and Rachel into the kitchen.

"You're evil you know that, I doubt they'll help with the girls for a very long time, two diaper changes in less than an hour. I wouldn't be surprised if Paul never changed another diaper on the girls again." I laughed out.

"Well I figured you three will be staying here for a while and you will need help until that cast is taken off, Jacob can't be here all the time. I also figured that this is good practice for them for when they become dad's themselves. They will be doing more baby duty in the future I can promise you that." Emily promised with a gleam in her eye. I had no doubt she would.

"Here you go sweetie." Emily said as she handed me a plate of food, I saw she had placed eggs, bacon, breakfast potatoes and a cinnamon roll. I gave her a skeptical look at the amount she had given me but sat down to eat. She had handed a similar plate to Rachel and made one up for herself. We all sat in silence enjoying the drama free morning. I was happily munching on the roll when Paul marched in with two dirty diapers held as far from him as his long arms could manage and quickly disposed of them in the garbage.

"Those were the most disgusting, vile things I have ever smelled; they didn't smell like that last week when I helped watch them." He professed.

"They smell worse now because they are on formula instead of breast milk, just wait until they start on soft food, I heard that it will smell even worse." I said.

"That's just wrong that something so small can make something smell so bad." He commented and we all chuckled.

He left the kitchen and returned to the living room; a minute later he came back in carrying Juliana followed by Sam carrying Charlotte. They each took a chair next to their imprints and sat. I finally saw what Emily was hinting at earlier. They both look much more comfortable holding the girls now; they would make amazing fathers when their time came. I guess the girls were practice for the future for all the wolves.

I finished eating my fill not long after the boys came back into the room and reached for Juliana from Paul who was sitting closest to me so that he could grab food. When Rachel finished soon after she reached for Charlotte so that Sam could grab some grub.

Once everyone was finished eating Sam cleared the table while Emily put the extra's in the fridge. She always made large meals in expectation of many wolves in her home looking for food; if few came she saved the leftovers for when wolves would come over at the end of their shifts looking for something to refuel them. When everything was put away we all returned to the living room.

Emily laid a blanket on the floor and Rachel and I placed the girls on their backs on it. I went to the one box that had been brought from Jake's garage and pulled out one of their visual toys and set it up above them.

As we watched the girls stare at the things above them in wonder me and Emily began talking about how we could begin our business. We both had little experience in the business world other than balancing the finances for our respective homes. I had paid the bills and balanced my mother's checkbook since I was twelve. We knew we needed to come up with a plan to both finance and run our business. It was decided that since neither of us could really leave the reservation to do much that we would order a few books on how to start a business and how to run a restaurant. Since no one we knew had internet on the res. Emily was going to run to the community center while Jared, Paul and I went to Forks to get the rest of my things and Rachel would watch the girls.

As eleven o'clock came around Quil and Collin came by to join Sam for their patrol. Before they left Brady came running in the house yelling for Sam. Everyone tensed because he sounded worried and a little frantic.

"What's wrong Brad?" Sam asked worriedly.

"I um was hanging out on the beach with some of my school friends and um I noticed that a few of them were showing signs of phasing and um two started arguing and they were shaking and um these guys are like your calm cool and collected type, I've never seen them angry." He said quickly and in one breath, when he finished he was panting.

"Oh well ok, um Collin instead of patrolling I'll have you watch them this afternoon until Brady's patrol, then Brady can take over for you, you are off your patrol with me tonight since you'll be on two shifts straight. Now Brady what can you tell me about these boys?" Sam asked calmly but I could see the tension in his eyes, the worry of more boys phasing carved deeply into his furrowed brows.

"One is Adam Matthews; he just turned fifteen and will be a freshman um he has two younger brothers and lives with his dad. His mom died from cancer two years ago. The other is Lucas Foster he is fifteen and will also be a freshman. He is the son of a teacher and one of the public workers. He has an older sister. They are good friends who usually hang out together." Brady informed.

"Are they still on the beach?" Sam asked and I could see him thinking quickly, formulating a plan.

"Yeah they are I ran here as soon as I saw that their shaking had stopped and they had calmed down."

"Okay, I'm going to head out for my patrol now. I'll run out to the beach with Brady to check on them and see how far in the process they are and then join you on patrol, Quil. Collin I want you to watch them from the beach, don't phase and if you see them shaking and unable to calm down you pull their asses into the woods as fast as you can." Sam gave out the orders, stood up, walked over to Emily, kissed her scars and then her lips, waved bye to everyone and those who were supposed to leave followed him out leaving the rest of us to ponder the new turn of events.

We all sat quiet, not moving. I just stared at my girls napping on the floor. So much drama had occurred in their short little lives and yet they could nap because they were blissfully unaware of it all. Ten minutes after Sam and everyone left Jacob and Embry came in from their patrol.

"How are my girls?" Jacob asked as he walked into the house, once he noticed the girls sleeping on the floor he beamed warmth and moved around the blanket they were on and pulled me up into his arms.

"Hey beautiful," He whispered as he placed a kiss on my lips. I gave him a small smile.

"I missed you." I told him.

"So what's going on? Why do you guys look so down?" Embry asked from across the room.

"Let's go in the kitchen so we don't wake the babies." Emily whispered as she motioned to the table. Jake didn't set me down and just carried me to the table and took a seat with me in his lab, my back to his chest and his arms firmly wrapped around me.

"You know I can walk and sit in my own seat?" I commented on his actions.

"I know but I can see you're upset about something and I know me being close always makes you feel better." He whispered against my ear. "You wanna tell me what's bugging you?"

"Were you guys phased with anyone?" Paul asked from his spot across the table.

"Um yeah Quil phased in for his shift and said that Sam said we could leave cause he would be on duty in a bit, he really didn't think about why so we came back here. Why what's going on?" Embry spoke from his seat next to Paul looking at everyone in question.

"Before you guys got off patrol and just before the others left to go on, Brady came running in here telling us about two guys on the beach who were showing signs of phasing, they're only fifteen and not even in high school yet. Sam, Brady and Collin are all going to beach to see how close they are." I told Embry and Jacob.

"Aw shit really, more wolves?" Embry said shocked.

"Is that what you're worried about honey?" Jacob pondered out loud.

"Yeah and um I have to go to Forks to go through and pack the rest of my things and I know you won't like it." I mumbled.

"What? No, I really don't want you going over there, I don't know if the leech is waiting for you."

"That's why I talked about it to Sam and he said he wanted Jared, Paul and Embry to come with me. That way I'm protected and Edward can't glean any information off of them."

"You don't think for one minute you are going anywhere across the border without me do you Bells?" He asked sternly.

"But you can't go over there Jacob; your thoughts aren't protected by the order like the others are. If we don't want Edward to find anything out then you can't come over." I reasoned.

"I don't like this Bells but I know stubborn you can be and I know I won't win on this but I want one thing from you. I want you to call me if the leeches show up or you find anything weird ok. No hesitation, call me right away okay? The same goes for you guys, you hear, see or smell anything suspicious you have her call me and you call for reinforcements screw the fucking treaty."

"I'll call you but you won't come across the treaty line phased Jake, I don't want to have to worry about you fighting against the Cullen's. I know they won't hurt me. A war with them over me is unnecessary."

"But they have hurt you honey, and I won't let them do it again." He promised vehemently.

"That can't hurt me like that anymore Jake, even if they tried. They don't have that hold on me any longer. Plus I'm sure you want to spend time with the girls, they haven't seen you yet today and I'm sure when they wake up they'll want some daddy time. Who knows maybe you'll get Charlotte to laugh too. She was smiling a whole bunch at Sam today."

"Well that's cause Sam is funny looking. I don't like it, just hurry back to me."

"Always." I promised.

"I call Jared." Embry said and then stood and walked to the phone. I couldn't hear the conversation but whatever he said was short and quick. We waited quietly for him to come. I stayed leaned into Jake soaking up the closeness and his warmth. I also did it in an effort to comfort the wolf within. I had a feeling to the wolf he saw it as me going into the enemy's lair and wasn't going to be pleased once I left the house.

Five minutes later Jared arrived and Paul, Embry and I walked outside to pile into Sam's truck. Jake followed us out and then called the boys to him.

"I am ordering you to bring Bella Swan to her house, help her pack her belongings and place the boxes in the truck and bring them back to Sam's. If you smell, see or hear anything suspicious I want you to call me here at Sam's. You are to protect her above all else and bring her back safely." Jacob said firmly with at hint of the power Sam's voice has when he's giving an order. I looked at him in question.

"I had to place an order on them because they might wonder why they are with you once they cross over the line. This way even if they don't know you, they'll help you." He informed. He ran up to me, picked me up in his arms and kissed me fully and passionately, placing his claim on me for the others to know, to smell.

We all climbed into the truck. I was sitting in the middle with Jared driving and Paul in the passenger seat while Embry sat in the truck bed. As we neared what I knew to be the treaty line I could sense Sam's order having its effect. As we crossed the border both Jared and Paul tensed next to me like they were uncomfortable in my presence, it was really awkward to be a stranger to people I've known for so long.

"I don't see why we have to help the fucking leech lover, can't her ice cold parasitic boyfriend help her." Paul grumbled sounding exactly like he did when I first met him.

"Were doing it because we were ordered to, don't want to upset the little baby Alpha now do we." Jared cracked.

"Like he even has a shot with the leech-to-be." Paul scoffed.

"Um, could you guys quit acting like I'm not sitting here?" I asked quietly not quite sure how to act around them now.

"Whatever." Paul mumbled. The sooner we got back to Sam and Emily's the better.

The uncomfortable silence remained as we neared Charlie's house. When we pulled up and Paul got out, I shot out of my seat and made my way to unlock the door. The moment the door opened I was quickly pulled behind Embry as all three wolves started growling.

"What is it?" I asked in a strangled whisper.

"Leeches," Jared growled.

"Here? Now?" Panic laced my voice.

"No, they're gone now." Embry told me.

"Well, wait…Alice and Edward were here yesterday, do you smell them?" I asked praying it was them they smelled.

"Of course your precious leeches were here, but no there's a third and it isn't a Cullen." Paul spoke as if the information was obvious.

"Bella you need to call Jacob like he wanted." Embry said softly. I agreed so I pulled my cell out of my purse and dialed the Uley's.

"Hello?" Emily asked softly.

"Hey Emily, it's um Bella could you put Jake on?" I asked with a strangled voice as worry crept in.

"Bells, what's wrong?" Jake's voice demanded.

"The uh guys…they uh smelt a vampire in the house that isn't a Cullen."

"I'm on my way, hand the phone to Embry." He ordered. I obeyed.

"Uh huh, okay, will do Jake, see you in a bit." Embry said and then hung the phone up handing it back to me.

"He said that you two are to check around the house and the woods to see where this third vamp came from and where it entered. You aren't to phase unless it is near. I have to stay with Bella till Jake gets here." Embry informed the other two who immediately moved off the porch and around the house in different directions.

I walked to the corner of the porch and sat down against the house. I curled up, wrapping my good arm around my legs and resting my head on my knees. As much as I was thankful for Sam putting the order on the wolves, I really hated it right now. I needed my friend, I needed him to tell me it was alright but I knew that wasn't going to happen. Right now to him I was just the crush of one of his friends that he was ordered to protect. Since I couldn't have the comfort of my friends or my home I just wanted to wait for Jacob. I tried to ignore the incessant thoughts and worries that were worming through me at the moment. Mostly about Charlie's safety and what the vampire had done in my home.

After waiting for what felt like forever, Jacob peeled into the drive, parked and quickly ran to me without closing the door to the Rabbit yelling for me.

I uncurled myself and was getting ready to stand when he pulled me to him in a bone crushing hug. He didn't let me go as he turned to Embry.

"I need you to walk through the house and check it out, make sure no one is still in there, that it's safe." He asked Embry. When Embry walked into the house he called out for Jared and Paul.

"You guys what did you find out?" His voice calm but I could hear the underlying tension in it.

"It came from the northeast. I tracked it as far as the school but I could tell it came from further away. It came around the back of the house, probably so it wasn't seen from the street." Paul said.

"I walked around the house it entered and exited from the front second story window and it seemed to follow the same path back out to the woods." Jared informed and both Jacob and I stiffened at what he said. The vampire had entered and exited through my room.

"Um Jacob you gotta come up here and see this." Embry nervously spoke from the front door.

"What is it Embry, did you find something inside?" I asked.

"The thing is gone and all but I think I know what it was doing, you should probably see it too." He responded.

I followed Jacob and Embry upstairs flanked by Jared and then Paul. Once we walked into my room I knew what Embry was talking about. All the boxes that I had packed yesterday were torn open, the hamper of dirty clothes along the wall was tipped over and most of the drawers were pulled open except the bottom drawer. My room looked like a disaster. I whimpered at what I saw before me.

Jacob let go of my hand and began sniffing everything very closely. When he came upon the clothes that had been dumped from the hamper he growled so deeply lowly I felt it in my belly. He looked up at me with fury and anguish written on his face. It took me all of three seconds to race to his side and sift through the clothes and then figure out why he had responded the way he did.

Several items of clothes that I had placed in there last week were gone. The clothes that I had worn Wednesday and Thursday were nowhere to be seen and what tore my heart out was that the girls' outfits were missing as well. Jacob could smell the girls' scent, mine and the vampires mixed together.

"No, no, no nonononono!" I whispered loudly. Jacob grabbed my forearms and shook me lightly.

"Bella, what's wrong, did the vampire take anything?" He asked roughly. I just nodded as the terror ate at my gut.

"What did it take Bella?"

"Clothes, it took my clothes and the babies clothes!" I said hysterically. It had taken clothes from the two days I hadn't seen or been in much contact with the wolves, they were free of the scent of wolves.

"Fuck!" Jacob yelled. "Jared, go down and call Seth and have him contact Sam and send him over here and then send him to Emily's to watch the imprints. Paul, I want you walking around the house and wait for Sam to arrive. Embry, you're going to help me to finish packing this stuff up and getting it all into the truck. Now move." He ordered.

I watched absently from my spot on the floor as Embry and Jacob unfolded the unused boxes and filled them with the things that had been in the torn apart ones. When everything that had already been packed he began throwing everything else in the remaining boxes. I could see he was brining stuff I didn't want to bring but I could tell he didn't care and at this point I didn't either. I wanted to get back to my babies.

"God damn it those stupid fucks, why do they have to come here now!" Jacob yelled.

"What's wrong Jacob?" I asked though I had a feeling it was a vampire by the way both Embry and Jake were shaking.

"Cullens, they're outside." He responded in a growl. I could tell he needed to get outside. Embry and him grabbed the last boxes and marched downstairs. I followed quickly.

Once we were outside I could see Paul and Jared standing shoulder to shoulder by the side of the house, I guess the Cullen's were in the side yard. I followed Jacob closely around the house. He kept himself in front of me as we walked closer. Embry stayed by my side.

"What are you doing here leech?" Jacob spewed.

"I heard the thoughts of your companion and noticed he was near town. I hear you had a break-in on your watch." Edward answered in a weirdly collected voice.

"That isn't of any concern of yours bloodsucker." Paul responded.

"If it has to do with Bella and her safety it is of the utmost importance to me."

"Edward I quit being your concern a long time ago, you're not needed here." I told him coolly.

"Bella, a vampire broke into your home and stole items from you. This vampire is a danger to you and as the wolves have shown that they are unable to protect your home then I will do what they are unable to do." Now he was pissing me off.

"That wouldn't have been a problem if you hadn't come back here, we would have been patrolling the area it came from and it would have never gotten close to the house. It seems it's your fault it got through." Jacob spat. "And stay the fuck out of our thoughts."

"My, my touchy aren't we. What an anger problem we have. I expected better for you Bella. An underage school dropout, really?" Edward said snidely.

"Where do you get off speaking to me like that? You left, you don't get to judge me or him. What's with this superior bullshit you're spewing? You were never like this before." I said. I could see Jacob shaking just as badly as he had yesterday. I laid my palm on his back in an effort to calm him down.

"Jake, you can't phase, please calm down." I spoke softly.

"Yeah wolf, you wouldn't want to harm her, though she would match your Alpha's mate then. She couldn't leave you then." Edward said evenly.

"Jake, please calm down, don't listen to him. You don't want to have a war with the Cullen's and if you attack Edward right now you know that's what will happen. He is just trying to antagonize you. Don't let him win." I pleaded as his form was beginning it blur. If I didn't get him to calm down and soon I was going to move behind Jared and Paul.

"Why is it that there are large portions of their thoughts gone? It's quite odd to have such large portions of brain functions absent. It's odd but it's probably because you are all mutts and nothing more."

"Jake please, I don't want to have worry about you fighting more vampires please calm down." I said as I moved behind Jared and Paul. Jacob's form was no longer solid looking to me. Just as I moved behind Paul I saw Jacob phase from the corner of my eye.

"Oh dear God! Bella get away from that thing!" I heard from behind me and I froze. I knew that voice but it wasn't supposed to know about such things. I made sure it was free from this world. Slowly I turned and looked at the terrified face of my father.

I took in his appearance and moved quickly to stand in front of Jacob as Charlie raised his service pistol to aim at Jacob. His hand was shaking in fear but he looked resolved to shoot the wolf behind me.

"Move Bella!" Charlie ordered.

"I can't do that Dad." I said firmly.

"That thing could kill you, now move it so it can't harm anyone." He yelled.

"I will not let you shoot him Dad; you don't want to shoot him."

"Don't tell me what to do Bella! Now move."

"You will not shoot him Dad, its Jacob." I choked out as I faced my father's gun.

"Bella get out of the way, I don't want you getting hurt."

"Dad this is Jacob, you are not hurting him."

"That thing is not Jacob, now move."

"This is Jacob, I promise you; this is the man I love. This is the boy you watched grow up. Please drop your gun dad; you don't need to shoot him.

"You shoot him and you kill me."

"If you move I won't kill you, why won't you listen to me?"

"You are not shooting Jacob, dad. Please drop the gun and I'll explain everything to you." I was crying and at the point of hysterics. I couldn't see past the horror and betrayal on my father's face or the terror at what would happen if he shot Jacob.

"Stay right where you are Cullen; don't think that just because I didn't know you were there doesn't mean I don't want to shoot you as well for what you did to my little girl."

"Dad please, drop your gun and we'll go to see Billy and Sue and they can help me explain everything." I pleaded.

"Bella I want you to move away from him." Edward said from behind me.

"Fuck you Edward.

"Daddy please don't shoot the man I love." I was shaking and if I didn't need to stand to block Jacob I would have collapsed.

"That thing isn't a man Bella." Charlie replied.

"Yes he is Daddy, he is the man I love and he is the father of my children. You wouldn't hurt their father would you?" I heard a strangled gasp from behind me and immediately realized my mistake and I quickly clapped my hand over my mouth.

"Shit, Fuck, Shitty Fuck, Crap, God Damn it, Whorish Hell Fuck. Can this cluster fuck get any worse?" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"Jacob phase back please, it will make it easier if he can see it's you. Embry in the bottom drawer of my dresser is a few pairs of clothes for Jacob; grab him a pair of pants quickly." I ordered but never moved or dropped my gaze from my father.

I felt it when Jacob phased back. He walked close to me and used me as a shield to hide his nudity. Embry came with a pair of pants moments later and Jacob stepped back to dress. The shock on my father's face couldn't truly be described. I was worried he'd have a heart attack at any moment.

"Why doesn't this scare you Bella, why aren't you terrified?" He asked thickly.

"I've known about it from almost the beginning Dad, now please come with me and I'll explain everything, I promise." I felt Jacob wrap his hands around my waist and pull me close.

"Get your hands off of her, don't touch her." Charlie ordered Jacob. I could feel Jacob flinch. I didn't even want to think about the effect this would have on Jacob and his worries about how he viewed himself.

"Dad its Jacob, he can't hurt me, he won't hurt me. Now will you please drop your gun and come with me for an explanation?" He nodded, policed his brass and turned and walked to the cruiser.

"Edward go home, all you do is cause problems." I said as I slowly followed my father. I was aware of Jacob, Embry, Jared and Paul all following me as we rounded the side of the house to the front where all the vehicles were parked.

As we rounded the house Sam came running up. He looked between all of us and his eyes fell on Charlie.

"What's going on guys?" He asked hesitantly.

"Sam, it's time we explain a few things. We are going to Billy's." I said as I walked to the Rabbit.

"Bella you're riding with me." Charlie ordered. I was torn, I wanted to ride with Jacob but I needed to make Charlie as comfortable as possible. I turned to Jacob and he walked up to me.

"Go with him Bells, I'll be fine." He said, though his eyes said otherwise.

"I love you Jacob Black. Now go get the girls and bring them to Billy's, he needs to see you holding them, okay?" He kissed me his reply.

I walked to the cruiser and climbed in, never tearing my gaze from Jacob as he got into his vehicle with Sam. I could see in the distance that Jared, Paul and Embry all got into the cab of Sam's truck. I kept my gaze on Jacob as Charlie backed out of the drive. It only broke when he turned the car and began driving towards La Push and the explanation of a world he had never before known to exist. I only hoped he was like me and would be okay after everything was made clear.

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it means a lot. I hope everyone had a good New Years. Please forgive the errors, I put this up without any editing, not even a look over. Please let me know what you think, because a lot happened in this chapter and a lot will happen in the next chapter.


	23. Sheep In Wolves Clothing

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it; everything in the Twilight universe belongs to Stephanie Meyers.

Ch. 23

Sheep in Wolves Clothing

I was only absently paying attention of the scenery that we passed on our way to La Push. The tension in the car was stifling but I kept my eyes on the outside of the car. I could feel it every time Charlie would bore into me with his burning gaze. The car was filling with the unasked questions that wanted to fall from his lips, but I just kept staring outside of the car knowing I couldn't come up with the explanation that would assuage the fears he was bursting to confirm.

I both breathed a sigh of relief and tensed measurably as Charlie pulled the cruiser into the Black's drive. He parked the car, turned it off and just sat, not moving and not saying anything. I needed to get out of the car before either he started asking questions I didn't want to answer or couldn't answer. I looked up at the porch to see Billy wheeling himself out his eyebrows raised in question most likely that I was alone with Charlie in the cruiser and not with a wolf.

I took Billy's presence as an opportunity as an out and quickly clamored out of the car, falling on the ground on my hands and knees in the process as I tripped on the frame of the car. I quickly got up dusting my hands and knees off. I had several small scrapes on the palm of my good hand and my casted arm throbbed at the impact and then stung as tiny pieces of gravel fell in between the cast and my hand. I ignored it as I walked up to Billy.

"Bella, are you okay? What's going on?" He asked.

"Billy could you please call Sue and Old Quil, we need to tell the legends and explain some things." I said in a voice that gave away all my fear of Charlie finding out the truth and what it would mean.

"Sure no problem Bells, what happened?" He asked as he stared at Charlie.

"Jacob phased in front of him and I had to stand in front of him to keep Charlie from shooting him." I said lamely.

"Why the hell did my idiot son phase in front of Charlie?" He asked angry and shocked.

"We went to get the rest of my things at Charlie's that we didn't get yesterday because of things…Edward showed up because of things…anyway Edward was antagonizing Jacob and Jacob got too pissed to not phase and phased as Charlie walked around the house." I explained.

"I got him to drop his pistol by telling him that we'd come here and you and Sue would help me explain. I don't want him to know but Billy he needs to know everything now." I said as I walked into the house and into the kitchen. I needed to cook to calm my nerves. I knew it wasn't going to be easy with my cast but at this moment I didn't care. I needed to do something with my hands to take the edge off. I whipped the fridge open to see what I could use inside followed quickly by the freezer and then the cupboards.

I jumped as I heard Billy wheel into the kitchen. He apologized as he grabbed the phone and called Sue. I could hear him tell her she needed to pick Old Quil up and come quickly, that they had to explain everything to Charlie. When he hung up he turned towards me.

"Bella go sit in the living room, there's no need for you to cook right now. You need to be there when we have this talk; you are going to have to explain your part in things. He needs to hear it from you." Billy spoke knowing I just wanted to hide in the kitchen and ignore the fear that was eating me alive, slowly.

Instead of going to the living room I walked to the front door and looked out it. Charlie still hadn't left his car. He just sat staring ahead, lost in confusion and fear. Fear I really couldn't relate to because I came to the understanding of the supernatural so easily, as if I had always known about it.

Not long after I began my vigil at the door I saw Jake and Seth pull up in the Rabbit followed closely by the rest of the pack (excluding Collin, Brady and Quil who were probably on patrol or new wolf watch) Emily, Rachel, Sue and Old Quil in several vehicles. I wasn't the only one who noticed. Once the Rabbit was parked, Charlie finally climbed out of the cruiser; I was afraid what was going to happen so I rushed outside. I made my way down the porch slowly, assessing the situation. I could see the fear and anger written all over Charlie and the shame and self hatred written across Jacob's. I knew I'd needed to worry about Charlie but I was more worried about what was going through Jake's mind.

He got out of the Rabbit and went to the back seat to get the car seat out. I walked up next to him and put my hand on his back.

"Take them out of their car seats Jake, and carry them in." I whispered and Seth took Charlotte out of her seat and held her in his arms as Jake did the same with Juliana. He moved out of the way and I grabbed the diaper bag out of the back seat.

I stood next to him as he brought Juliana up onto his chest and rested her against him. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him.

"Everything will be okay, we'll get through this. Just ignore what he says for a while because he doesn't mean it, he's just scared. Once he knows everything he'll come around." I said into his chest trying to believe what I was saying. I leaned back to look into his eyes and saw that what I said hadn't comforted him, the dark look remained and I had a feeling that it wasn't all about Charlie.

"I love you Jake, now come on let's get this show on the road." I kept my arm wrapped around his waist as I walked us towards the house. Charlie hadn't moved from the side of his car as he glared at Jake. Most of the pack had gone inside. All that remained outside were Seth, Sam, and Sue. As we approached the house Jake and I were flanked by Sam on the left of me and Seth on the right of Jake holding Charlotte. Sue stayed behind to walk in with Charlie.

As we entered the living room I saw that the couch was still empty for Jake, Seth and I as well two spots on the other couch, most likely for Sue and Charlie. Most of the pack and the others had grabbed the chairs from around the kitchen table or taken seats on the floor. We all took our spots and the uncomfortable silence in the room was stifling.

"Charlie, Bella here tells me that you saw something that before today you wouldn't have believed. You want to tell me what you saw exactly?" Billy spoke.

Charlie swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "I heard arguing around the side of my place and walked up to see your son," He paused and turned his fierce gaze to Jake and then looked back at Billy; "turn into a huge, bigger than a horse, wolf and then Bella said something to it and he turned back into your son. Bella said you'd explain."

"She's right I will. I know you've heard our legends numerous times but I'm going to tell them to you again, listen very carefully." Billy said as he paused and then began telling Charlie the legends I have heard dozens of times, the first being on First Beach with Jacob only weeks after I had moved back to Forks but I listened like it was the first time I was hearing them, like I listened every time. Billy told some of the legends and then Old Quil told others. When they were finished awed silence had descended on the room.

"Now you may be wondering why we told you these stories when you want an explanation. Charlie, every story that you were just told is real. They are not legends as we like to call them they are our tribe's histories. They are an explanation for the magic that runs through many Quileute. It is an explanation for what you saw today." Billy spoke firmly and with authority.

"What does that stuff your spewing explain anything I saw? That doesn't explain how I saw Jake here turn into a monster." He spat out and I moved before I even thought about it. I was up and in front of him as I slapped him.

"Jake is not a monster, he is the best thing in my life and I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him so show him some respect." I spat out before I realized what I had done or said. As soon as it registered I clamped my hand over my mouth as my eyes widened in shock. I was frozen in my spot unable to think past my unconscious actions.

"Bells, honey, come back, sit down." Jake ordered calmly. I moved mechanically and sat next to him. I looked around the room and everyone's eyes were as wide as mine were. I looked up when I heard Billy clear his throat.

"Please forgive Bella's actions Charlie, she is fiercely protective of Jacob, especially now just as he is of her. She most likely didn't know what she was doing until it was done, it was instinct for her.

"Jacob along with the rest of the boys here as well as Leah, are the protectors of our tribe. As you heard in the stories they are gifted with their wolves in order to protect their land and their people. They are not monsters but heroes." Billy said.

"Protectors, you keep saying that, what in god's name are they protecting everyone from?" Charlie asked disbelievingly.

"I mentioned it in the stories, when the tribe faces a threat in the form of the 'cold ones' the wolves are activated with in the blood of the applicable. They form together to protect us from those who would steal our life force from us. They protect us from vampires."

"Vampires? What kind of crazy bull are you spewing Billy. There is no such thing as vampires." Charlie scoffed.

"And you didn't see Jake turn into a horse sized red-brown wolf." Leah said mockingly. Charlie looked around the room realizing we all believed what Billy was saying was true.

"Wolf…wolves…last year…Bella you said you saw the wolves in the woods last year? Are you saying that these boys and Leah are the ones who were killing all those hikers?" He asked shocked.

"No dad, at the time I was mistaken as to who was killing those hikers, they weren't killing anyone, they were trying to stop the ones who were doing the killing." I answered his worry.

"You've know about this for that long? You've known that Jake can turn into a wolf this whole time and said nothing?"

"Yes I've known for a long time that Jake and everyone here are wolves and yes I told you nothing. What would you've done if I had told you? You would've thought I was crazy and stuck me in an institution. I was protecting you." I answered.

"If they weren't the ones killing those poor hikers then who was?" Charlie asked me as well as the room.

"Chief there were several vampires in the area that were hunting in the area, they were the ones killing the hikers." Sam answered.

"You're the one's that stopped the…vampires from killing any more hikers?" Charlie asked choking on the word vampires.

"Yes we are the reason that the hikers stopped dying in the woods." Sam replied.

"So it was these vampires that caused you guys to become this?" Charlie asked motioning towards the pack in the room with his hands. I drew closer into Jake, knowing where this line of questioning was going.

"No, a large group took up residence in Forks several years ago that caused the change in the young men and woman in our tribe." Old Quil answered.

"Vampires lived in Forks? How did I not know this?" Charlie asked shocked.

"The family that moved here, we spoke of them in our stories; they had come here once before and made a treaty with my grandfather. These vampires did not survive on the blood of humans but on the blood of animals. They were not allowed on tribal land and if we had wolves our wolves were not allowed on their land. We would also keep their true identity a secret and leave them alone as long as they did not bite or kill any human." Billy said.

"Who, who are these vampires?' Charlie asked and I whimpered and turned my head into Jake's shoulder

"Bella?" He asked hesitantly. "Do you know who they are?" I just nodded, afraid of his reaction.

"Who are they Bella?" I just shook my head refusing to answer.

"Bells, you have to tell him, it has to come from you." Jake whispered to me.

"The Cullen's," I quietly said my answer but he heard me.

"What," he yelled in shock and anger as he stood and stared me down.

"When, when did you find out what they were?" He asked angrily as he walked closer to me. Jake pulled me closer to him and started growling lowly. Charlie stepped back in shock.

"Charlie, Jake won't hurt you, he's just trying to protect his mate, it's okay." Sue spoke.

"It's okay; you think it's okay that all of you knew she was dating a vampire, that she was surrounded by vampires constantly for over six months that it was a god damned vampire that left her in the woods. You all knew she was in danger and you did nothing, told me nothing. She could've died; she could've been injured…" He broke off as something came to him a realization of something he hadn't realized before. The anger he had been directing at Billy and Sue was turned in full force on me and I cowered under it.

"Phoenix," He whispered in realization. I just stared at him wide eyed.

"It wasn't because you were clumsy was it, it was because of those vampires. Did you know then what they were, is that why you ran away, were you trying to run from them? You were injured and you stayed with him until he hurt you again, is that what that was Bella." He yelled, asking questions that made him sound frantic.

"The Cullen's never hurt me." I shot back trying to defend them and myself.

"Never hurt you, where the hell were you these last two years, did you even see yourself after they left. Wait, you didn't, I know for a fact you don't even remember the first four months after they left and that you rarely looked in a mirror. Bella of course they hurt you. That's why you were so torn up, because of what they are?" He asked.

"They didn't hurt me in Phoenix, they saved me. I was so torn up because they were my family. I thought I was going to spend forever with them and it was all taken away from me in an instant with a shoddy explanation and no goodbye. In an instant I had nothing and no future ahead of me; it had nothing to do with what they were." I shot back.

"Save you? Save you from what? What do you mean forever…you were planning on becoming one of them weren't you? You were choosing to become a monster just like them?" He asked his voice acidic. I just nodded ashamed.

"What the hell is wrong with you, choosing to become a dead thing that kills other things?"

"I loved him and for us to be together I was going to have to be like him, it was the only way." I said softly in my defense.

"What about me, your mother? Did you think about us when you made that decision? Did you think of what it would do to us?" He accused.

"No I didn't because I saw nothing but him. I'm sorry, okay? I know that it was wrong to want that but he was my everything." I answered as Jake tensed next to me.

"Now what did they save you from in Phoenix that had you running away…is that why you ran away six months ago?" He asked.

"No, the reason I ran six months ago is what I told you. I ran to Phoenix because I was being hunted by a human drinking vampire. I went there with Alice and Jasper and they watched me while the rest tried stopping him but he found me. He tricked me into thinking he had mom; that he was going to kill her if I didn't go to him, so I did. He attacked me and Edward came and stopped him from killing me but not before he hurt me. If it wasn't for Edward and Carlisle I'd be dead or…" I cut off not needing to finish.

"Yeah, great, I have to be thankful to a vampire that another vampire didn't kill you. It makes me feel so good. At least they left, that is the only thing I'm thankful for at this moment. So what after the vampires left you decide to move onto the werewolf?" Charlie accused.

"What no, I went to Jacob because he made me feel better, he made the pain easier and he wasn't a wolf yet. That wasn't until later." I mumbled the last bit.

"It was those two weeks he was sick and then you accused him of joining Sam's gang right, if you knew what he was why did you tell me about the wolves?"

"Yeah it was when he was sick and I told you because at the time I didn't know who or what they were, I figured that out later."

"Figured it out, how the hell do you figure out something like this?"

"I wasn't supposed to know and after Jake sent me away I thought I'd never see him again but he came to me to remind me about the legends and I figured if vampires were real then why weren't werewolves?" I was going to say more but Charlie cut me off.

"What do you mean sent you away, Jake never sent you away he just avoided you by saying he was sick?" Charlie asked as he turned his eyes towards Jacob narrowing into fierce slits.

"Well…sir the when I first phased I was ordered to send Bells away to keep her safe and so that she didn't learn the secret…so I uh told her I couldn't see her anymore…but that didn't last cause I went her that night and asked her to remember and she did." Jacob answered for me.

"If she wasn't supposed to know why'd you go and remind her, she could've been free of all this." Charlie accused.

"Dad even if he hadn't told me I wouldn't have been free and I would have been alone and miserable. I got more than Jacob back when he came into my room that night, I got the brothers and sisters I've always wanted and I got a family that didn't require me to change who I was, they loved me for who I was and accepted all my faults and even embraced them. They helped fix the rest of me along with Jacob, I owe them so much." I professed.

"What do you mean you wouldn't have been free?" He asked. I swallowed thickly.

"When I was attacked in Phoenix the vampire- James- wasn't alone, it had a mate-Victoria- and a companion, after the one was taken care of and the other two disappeared. The Cullen's believed them to be gone, that they weren't a threat to me and that one day the mate would return to revenge her mate and go after Edward. They were sure I had nothing to worry about.

"The day I came in the house after you had told me not to go into the woods and I told you about the wolves I found out how wrong they were. I didn't come back scared just because I had seen the wolves. It was because of Sam, Jared, Paul, Embry and Jacob that I even came back at all that day. James' male companion found me in the woods where he informed me that Victoria planned on killing me for revenge against the death of her mate. It was that day that I learned I was once again being hunted, that I was in danger only this time I had no one to protect me.

"You see dad even without my involvement into the lives of the pack, I was pulled back into the world I thought I had been pushed out of by the Cullen's leaving. If I wasn't in this world, if I didn't know about the pack then you would either be standing over my grave right now or forever looking for my rotting corpse in the woods. I need the protection of the pack."

"You are trying to tell me that if it wasn't for the boys and girl in this room you'd be dead?" He said slowly as he paled under the realization of all this information.

"Yes I would be dead." I answered firmly.

"Okay, I thank you boys and Leah for what you've done in protecting my daughter but Bella, I'm still confused about how you found out about them or how you've stayed safe from this Virginia if she was after you, is she still after you?"

"I found out because Jake asked me to remember the legends and when I went to him the next day he told me about being a wolf, what it was like, the good and the bad. He explained that the pack had been hunting another vampire they couldn't catch after they had stopped Laurent-James' companion from killing me in the woods. He gave a slight description and I knew without a doubt what he had told me was true, that Victoria had come to kill me. I told Jacob everything I knew about her and with the information I held and me being the intended target I was taken into the pack. I had information they needed and I needed them." I ended not intending to answer his last question.

"You guys took care of her right, Bella's safe now?" Charlie asked the pack looking searchingly and intently.

"I'm sorry but Charlie she's still after Bella, she has recruited help more than once but is still after Bella, we've tried to catch her repeatedly but she has a knack for evasion and recruiting help, the best we've been able to do is keep her from Bella and take down her help. Now with her culling help from two cities we are looking at a very serious fight." Sam said.

"Culling help…the missing people…last year in Seattle, the hikers? It was all her?"He asked his voice shaking with shock.

"Yes, she is turning people in Portland and Olympia; she turned people last year in Seattle and attacked us, we killed everyone she brought but one along with herself. She doesn't come around a lot and she isn't the only one that comes for a while we had a guard on your house but recently we realized that was no longer working, it was just too long of a run from our patrol routes." Sam said as he informed my father.

"What happened recently that made you realize that what you were doing was no longer working, and if you aren't watching my house what are you doing? How are you keeping my daughter and granddaughters safe? And how do you explain the lack of missing people for the beginning of the year, where was she? Can't I just get a complete explanation of what is going on here?" He threw questions at Sam.

"Dad people stopped going missing because I ran away. When I left she came after me. She spent the entire time I was away searching for me, the day before I came back I saw her in the forest behind my apartment building. She was the reason I came back when I did. When Sam sent Embry and Seth to get my things she realized I had come back here and sent someone to find me, he found me on the road between Forks and La Push…"I was cut off by him yelling.

"You mean to tell me that your 'ACCIDENT' last week was a vampire putting you in the hospital, is that why Jake here looked like he thought you were going to die because a vampire attacked you? I thought you were supposed to be protecting her?" He yelled at Jake, who flinched under Charlie's accusation.

"Bella take Juliana from Jake while I grab Charlotte from Seth here, we are going home; I can't trust anyone else with your safety." He ordered and moved towards Seth who started growling lowly. I placed my hand on his arm and he quit. I didn't make any other movement and Charlie stopped his when he noticed.

"Dad, I know you want me and the girls safe but I have to ask you, what can you do to keep me safe? I mean no offense but how are you going to stop Victoria or any other vampire from getting me. I moved down here to the res. so that I am under constant guard, there is always a wolf near me, hell I'm staying in the house of the Alpha." I tried to reason with him.

"I don't know how I'll protect you but I will. I can't stand you being so far away knowing you're still in danger, knowing that these…these… haven't kept you safe. They are dangerous to you and your children. I watched a man I saw as a son, explode into a wolf not five feet from you; in what way is that safe. I finally see that Emily here wasn't attacked by a bear." He argued back.

"Dad you're right Emily wasn't attacked by a bear but what you don't understand is that Sam went through the change by himself. He had no one to help him understand what it was like to be a wolf and all the risks that come with it. Sure they had the knowledge of past wolves but that isn't the same as another wolf telling you what needs to be done. The pack is not dangerous they are protectors and they have not failed me because I am not the only one they protect. They protect you, they protect the entire tribe, the entire city of Forks and they do it without acknowledgement of the sacrifices they have made. Are there risks? Of course, just like you risk your life every day you go on duty but we are a family and we understand the risks and support our wolves. I feel safest when I am with Jacob and the pack. You don't know what it is like to be hunted and waiting for your killer to come for you daily but when I'm surrounded by the pack that worry actually fades into the background.

"You don't think Jacob is safe, I'll prove it. Jacob, go out back into the woods and phase." I ordered and he looked at me like I was crazy.

"He thinks that you're not safe, he only saw you when you were angry, he hasn't seen you as you really are a calm wolf so please go out back in the woods and phase, we'll be out back in a little bit." He wordlessly handed me Juliana looking at me worriedly and walked out the door.

Everyone in the room was looking at me in question. They didn't know what I was planning and didn't know how to react. I knew what I was planning was a bit crazy but I needed to make a point to both Charlie and Jake. Charlie needed to know I trusted Jake completely in any form and Jake needed to know that I didn't view him as a monster, that when he was a wolf I still saw Jake underneath. He wasn't two separate entities' he was one being that could take two forms. After a minute of silence I spoke.

"Seth I need you to hand Charlotte to Sam or Paul, please. I would like it if only Embry, Sam and Paul accompanied Charlie, the girls, and I out to see Jacob." I said and the question in their eyes turned to shock.

"Bella I don't think I can handle that, I don't think I can sit here while you…" I cut Seth off.

"That's why I want you to stay here, your instincts will be less inclined to react negatively if you don't see what I'm about to do. If you can't handle it then ask someone to hold you here." I said as I made sure Sam had Charlotte before I made my way to the door. Once outside I made sure everyone I requested was outside, I noticed the temperature and turned to Paul.

"Hey could you run back in and grab two blankets for the girls, it's a bit too chilly for them?" I asked. He granted my request and came out carrying two baby blankets and two pacifiers handing one each to Sam and then myself. Sam, Paul and I were walking in the direction I knew Jacob had gone with Charlie trailing wordlessly.

"Izzy what exactly are you planning on doing here?" Paul asked sounding amused, intrigued and a bit worried all at once.

"I'm showing Charlie that I trust Jacob completely and I know he would never hurt me or the girls ever. Either wolf or man and I'm going to show that the girls aren't afraid of his wolf either." I stated.

"How do you know they aren't afraid of the wolf?" Sam queried.

"The day after I came back, Jacob had come to Charlie's while Rachel, Emily and I were at the diner. He had thought I left again and he was angry and growling. He snarled loud enough to shake the windows and the girls didn't react. Every other occurrence of a wolf growling near them and they've had the same non reaction. It could be because they instinctually know that their father is a wolf or if it has to do with Seth's imprint but either way they aren't scared and I don't want them to ever be scared of who their father is."

As we broke through the trees my beautiful russet wolf came into view it had been so long since I last saw him like this, I actually missed it. I smiled warmly at him and walked up to him. Once Charlie had come through the wall of trees he froze in his spot as he came within a dozen feet of Jacob. He seemed to watch in horror as I walked closer. I made it two more steps before Charlie rushed forward and clamped his hand around my arm to stop my movement.

"Bella what the hell do you think you're doing? That thing is huge." He yelled.

"Dad he isn't a thing, it's Jacob and I'm trying to prove to you he won't harm-can't harm us. I shirked my arm out of his grasp and walked the few remaining steps to Jake. I gingerly turned Juliana in my arms so that her back was resting against my chest. With my chest as support for her neck and my good arm wrapped securely around her I reached out to scratch behind Jake's ears.

Jake dropped his head further to the ground and nuzzled into my abdomen just below Juliana's feet. His fur must have brushed against the bottom of her feet and she giggled in response. That was just what I had needed. Juliana was relaxed next to Jake. She showed no fear like I knew she would. Jake raised his head in surprise and gave me a big wolf grin.

"That's your daddy isn't it lil' bean?"I asked her softly.

"Bring her closer, I told you they weren't afraid of the wolves." I said to Sam.

Sam listened to me and brought Charlotte to Jake. Jake licked her feet and she too laughed. She stared in awe at the wolf in front of her and reached out her tiny little hand and grabbed a hold of some of his fur with her stubbly fingers and smiled as she cooed at him. Charlie just stared at the girls and me in shock. I turned and handed Juliana to Embry and then turned back to Jake. I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his large neck and buried my face in his fur.

"I love you. I told you, you are not a monster, your daughters aren't afraid of you, now go behind a tree and phase back so you can talk." I whispered against his skin knowing he'd hear me. I stepped back as he trotted off deeper into the forest. I turned to Charlie.

"Now I have shown you that the wolves aren't dangerous, any danger they possess is understood and monitored. What happened to Emily won't happen to anyone else because we all know the signs. You can see that the girls aren't scared of the wolves, they actually like them. I hope that this has calmed your fears." I said as I felt Jacob walk up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist.

"If what you say about Jake is so true then why did he phase in my back yard?" Charlie asked accusingly.

"When a werewolf first phases their phases are strongly controlled by emotions, namely anger. After a while when control is learned it takes a lot to push a wolf to phase in anger back at your house Edward was pushing every button he could to cause Jacob to phase. He got some sick pleasure by doing so but for what reason we don't know." Sam said.

"So you're saying that Jacob accidently changed or phased or whatever you call it?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, you see while at your house Jacob and the others smelt a strange vampire in your house, specifically Bella's bedroom. Because of this Jacob was already on edge, Edward was taunting Jacob's ability to protect Bella and it resulted in him being pushed over the edge. You probably heard Bella trying to calm him down, Bella knows the signs and knew the exact moment she couldn't calm him and walked to a safe distance. I promise you, you don't have to worry about Jacob ever hurting her." Sam stated.

"How many damn vampires are after my daughters and if you're watching my house how did one get inside?" Charlie's voice grew hard and rough as he glared at the wolves.

"With the arrival of the Cullen's we had to pull our patrol routes into the boundaries of our territory, we aren't allowed out of it in wolf form while they are in town so we weren't watching your house last night when the vampire came, if they hadn't shown up we would have caught the leech long before he reached Forks. Because of this we'd like it if you could spend most of your time on the res. It'd help us keep you safe as well." Sam said.

"Wow, this is a lot to take in but I can see that you all care deeply for my daughter and you are a lot better than those Cullen's, I just can't seem to really wrap my head around everything." Charlie said.

"Well let's get back inside and we'll answer any questions you have about this life and what it's like to be a wolf and any other questions or concerns you may have." Jacob said.

We all walked back to the Black's and spent the afternoon answering all of Charlie's questions. Charlie took everything in stride and Jared made a comment that the Swan's were eerily good with the weird which earned laughter from the pack. Though he seemed okay with everything; I think for him the hardest part was learning that the woman he loved, his best friend and his daughter had been lying to him for years about a lot of things that were incredibly important and integral to my safety and happiness. That wound would take longer to heal than the shock of the truth would take to wear off, but I knew he'd forgive us our actions when he realized we were protecting him from a world that was far scarier than he'd ever imagined and that we never wanted to hurt him.

I knew after everything had really sunk in and he understood everything he'd want to talk to me about the decisions I'd made while a 'member' of the Cullen family and I'd have to face the disappointment of the choices I had wanted to make but in a way I was glad my father had been let in on my odd world because I no longer had to hide from the people in my life. I could be completely honest with him for the first time since I moved back to Forks. I was going to have the relationship with him I had always craved and I couldn't have been happier at that prospect.

**A/N:** I've debated for a very long time on how I wanted Charlie to react to everything and now I'm not completely sure I'm happy with this chapter, my muse tried to abandon me, frustrating me to no end. So your feedback is greatly appreciated.

Thank you to everyone who's read, alerted, favorited and reviewed Home Again. I know I say this all the time but the response you give this story warms my heart and keeps me excited to keep writing. I can't say enough about how I love the responses you leave me. Remember let me know what you think.


	24. The Strangers I Know

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything in the Twilight universe. I only own Jules, Lottie, Adam and Lucas.

**A/N:** I'm so terribly sorry that this is so late. I struggled more with this chapter then I have in the whole of this story. I rewrote the first half of it four times and still wanted to scrap it all. I nearly quit it all together but I struggled through it word for word and with help from the amazing JSH- aka bellsnjake. I love you girl, thank you so much for your help. And be sure to check out her amazing story Three Words. Again I'm sorry for its lateness but I hope you like it. Without further adieu- the chapter.

Ch. 24

The Strangers I Know

I'm awake in the early dawn hours before I know Jake has to wake to do his scheduled patrol. I rolled around and curled into him. The girls were out because they had their last feeding about two hours ago and I knew they'd be out till around eight, when Jake would need to leave for patrol. I lay in bed remembering last week's events so clearly. The way Charlie reacted to the news of the supernatural including the involvement of the Cullen's in my weird and twisted life. I remembered the look in his eyes when in all hit him as reality. I saw the look that flashed through his mind, the idea that he had wished I hadn't moved here so that he as well as I could have avoided the inclusion into this life. I recoiled against that thought now as I had done last week.

I was sure I was supposed to be involved in the supernatural way before Jake imprinted on me, his imprint just proved it to everyone. The thought of not being in love with Jake, of not really even knowing him froze my blood cold in my veins. He was as integral to my existence now as the sun in the sky. Could I live without the sun, yes, I did nearly every day here in Washington but I didn't want to and I basked in the warmth and light Jacob gave me every moment we were together.

I ran through the events of the past week, the week since Charlie learned everything. While the majority of this week was blissfully drama free, that didn't mean that we all weren't busy.

Charlie had actually taken the knowledge of the existence of the supernatural in his life surprisingly well. Although he took it well he was not happy in the least. He had learned a lot in a short time and most of it didn't make him feel good about the life I was now living and the life he was inducted into. He learned the true extent of the danger I was in, the truth about my accident and how close I came to being dead, and what was happening in the big cities because Victoria wanted me dead. He learned about all the lengths the wolves had gone to, in order to keep me safe. It took Sam, Jacob, Billy, Sue and I to convince him not to go to the Cullen's house to go after Edward for involving me in this life, for putting me in mortal danger. Only when he realized that even if he shot Edward and it'd do nothing but ricochet off him did he relent and decide to leave the Cullen's alone.

In order to help the wolves with his protection he decided to stay on the res. when he wasn't on duty. Sue asked him to stay with her and he agreed but the majority of his off time was spent with me and the girls at the Uley's. After every one of Charlie's shifts, he would come over and talk about the day's patrolling discoveries and talk strategy with Sam or if he wasn't available, Jake; though he did tend to avoid Jake most of the time.

At first Sam looked thrown and uncomfortable with the way Charlie was acting but soon he figured that he couldn't fight the Chief of Police on this especially since it concerned his daughter and granddaughters, he also allowed it because Charlie was trying to help with my protection and it was all he could really do.

When Charlie would come over I could tell he wanted to speak with me but he would just eat with us but he never brought up what I knew he wanted to. I had seen the look of disappointment in his eyes as he learned what the Cullen's were and that I had known from almost the beginning, the horror as he realized I had planned to become one of them. I knew he wanted to discuss my past choices with me but I was afraid. It was bad enough seeing the look on his face I didn't want to hear the words come from his mouth and hear the pain in his voice.

One evening this week he did ask a question I had been pointedly ignoring; while he was talking to Sam and Jake about being wolves he brought up a very awkward topic for the pack. He voiced his worry about both Juliana and Charlotte becoming wolves as well. The only problem was that no one could give him the answer he wanted. All that we could say was that we didn't know but that because of the imprint on Charlotte that both Sam and Billy were sure Charlotte wouldn't ever phase, just like Rachel never phased after she came back. While those words comforted Charlie I wasn't so mollified. As much as I loved all of Jacob, wolf and man, I didn't want this life for my little girls. They were going to grow up knowing that their father was a hero and protector, I just didn't want them to have their lives shackled like Jake's was.

Charlie stayed with us at Sam and Emily's even after Jake and I put the girls to bed and Sam left for his second patrol shift. I could see that whenever he left to go to Sue's he looked a little uncomfortable. I knew he was still upset about all the secrets that were kept from him regarding the world he was unknowingly living in and the one that threatened me. I could tell he was mainly angry at Billy because Billy didn't tell him the danger Edward posed to me and then he didn't tell him of the danger I was still in once the Cullen's left followed up by not telling him the truth of what really happened with my accident. He was still so angry in fact that he hadn't spoken to Billy since he left his house late last Saturday night.

It wasn't only Charlie who was in an uncomfortable position with his friends. I no longer liked being around when the members of the pack came back after their shifts finished. Even with my monumental word vomit episode at the end of Charlie's gun where I spilled my 'little' I have children secret to Edward, Sam thought it best to keep the pack under the order because the order protected more than just the fact that I had children. He was keeping nearly two years worth of information from Edward as the pack patrolled the lines by keeping the order in place but it didn't mean I had to like it.

Whenever one of the pack came back and would look at me I could literally see their ambivalence towards me, their lack of recognition of who I was or why I was in their Alpha's home. Only Sam and Jacob were free from the effects of the order. I could see the hate roll off Jared and Paul as they walked back into the house every afternoon. I was just glad that their second shift occurred while I was sleeping so I only had to experience it once a day. For some reason when the order erased their memories of me they reverted back to the way they would've treated me back when I was still dating Edward, when they blamed me somewhat for what they were. I saw it last week in the cab of Sam's truck as we crossed the treaty line as all the work we had made in the last days, weeks and year disappear before my eyes replaced by malice and indifference.

I tended to hide whenever I knew a shift was coming to an end. If I was unable to avoid the shift change and I was subjected to their empty eyes they would always apologize once recognition returned. Sam couldn't figure out why it took so long for their memories to return but it did. It seemed to be hardest for Paul because he had changed the most in his treatment of me. Last Saturday after all the drama had occurred he had pulled me aside and begged my forgiveness for the things he said while in the truck and in Forks.

While Paul's treatment of me in the small moments after he came off patrol was unusually harsh it was the way Embry, Quil and Seth reacted to me that unsettled and hurt me the most. Of all the wolves these three were my brothers, the ones that warmed up to me the soonest and the ones that made me feel like I belonged. Before the Cullens left, I was nothing but a little crush for Jacob to Embry and Quil and I was just dating a rich boy in town but with the alpha order they knew what the Cullens were, they just didn't remember that I was now a wolf girl and not with their enemy. The look in their eyes was of blatant contempt at what I presumed as my treatment of their friend and how I was hurting him by being with Edward. I had hoped that with Seth's imprint on Charlotte it'd mean that he was immune to the order like Jake was but it only meant that the order couldn't stop him from thinking about Charlotte but not me. It was a long list of weirdly complicated rules that basically erased anything that related to an image of me, the mention of my name or anything that related to me by direct mention so for Seth when he was on patrol and thought about Charlotte he could remember she was Jake's daughter but couldn't remember who her mother was.

Even with the patrol ending drama, the week stayed relatively quiet, no new vampire sightings had occurred other than the Cullens scents drifting coming close to the treaty lines and the two new potential wolves had yet to join the ranks.

With the lack of drama around us, Emily and I started the serious planning of our café/diner. The longer we talked and the more we planned it started becoming Emily, Rachel, Kim and my restaurant. We had decided that Emily and I would be the face of the café, while Rachel and Kim would take care of the books and be behind the scenes.

With a serious plan in place we filled out forms for several grants that we'd hopefully receive to help us fund the café. We needed these grants because all four of us together had no credit to speak of which would make getting small business loans difficult.

While we girls were busy with our business plans, the boys had also been busy with something other than patrolling. Jake surprised me Saturday evening after Charlie left to go to Sue's for the night. With a gigantic smile on his face Jake pulled me into his room and pushed me to sit on his bed. I had taken what he wanted to show me completely the wrong way.

"Jake?" There is no way I'm doing anything with you when I know that the house is still full of supernatural listeners." I professed adamantly. He smiled cheekily back.

"Who has the dirty mind now, honey?" He asked with his voice full of mirth as I rolled my eyes at him in response a small smile gracing my lips.

"I didn't bring you in here to do naughty things with you though I wouldn't be opposed to it at all. I brought you in here because I wanted to show you what I've been doing in the afternoons after you came back and I stayed away from you." He said looking down at the ground but motioned to his tiny desk in the corner of his room with his hand. Sitting on the desk was a rather impressive stack of books that were clearly marked on their spine and I looked up at him in question. I stood up to get closer to him and so that I didn't have to tilt my head back so far.

"Jake?" I asked softly.

"I know that when I told you that I dropped out of high school you were disappointed in me Bells. I hate you being disappointed in me so the next day I went to the Alternative Ed. department in Forks and signed up for their G.E.D classes. I go in for a couple hours every other day and in about a month I can take the test and have my diploma. I want you to be proud of me Bells; I want the girls to be proud of me."

"Jake, I've always been proud of you and I wasn't disappointed in you, I was angry at myself for causing you to drop out. But I am so proud of you for doing this, but why did you go up then, we had just fought?"

"I did it because the moment I met our pups I wanted to take care of them and you. I can't do a very good job as a high school drop-out. I knew I needed this to get a decent job and then I could take care of you like you deserve."

"I don't deserve you." I muttered.

"I love you Bells, now come on I have something else to show you." He said happily as he pulled me out of his room and then the house. He walked me to the back of the house, outside his room.

On the ground in front of me was a very large concrete pad that ran the length of the house and was twice the size of Jake current bedroom and was as tall as the rest of the houses foundation.

"What is this Jake?"

"This is our room." He said vaguely.

"Huh?"

"While you were in the hospital and it was decided you and the girls would move down to the res. Before I could say anything Billy said you three would be moving into our house. Though Rachel and I knew there would be no way we'd all fit. Billy agreed and said that we were going to expand the house. What you see in front of you is our bedroom. Now that the concrete pad has cured the pack and I are going to start building. We should be done by the end of August and then we can paint it and put the furniture from your apartment in here. The plan is to turn my room into the nursery and when the girls are old enough they will get Rach's room." He finished looking somewhat worried and I just stared at him too stunned to speak.

"What do you think?" He nervously asked.

"This is going to be our room?"

"Yeah, this will be our house once Billy…and he wants us to have the appropriate space that a couple should have but his room is already equipped to accommodate him so we couldn't have it, so the next option was to add on, and this way we can be close to him as he ages." He finished again looking at the ground.

"I love that idea; it would feel wrong if we were to leave Billy here alone while we were off in our own home. This is your home and I would love to raise our girls in the home you grew up in." I replied honestly and he looked at me relieved.

So the past week while the boys weren't on patrol or watching Adam and Lucas they were helping add on to the house, they had the frame done and were now working on the roof. By the time my cast came off, Jacob would have his G.E.D. and we would be moving into our own room and the girls into their nursery and I couldn't wait.

I was pulled out of my musings by warm, wet lips trailing down my neck. A sudden shot of desire flew through my veins and I rolled on my back in response pulling Jake with me in the process with my arms wrapping around his neck. He pulled back and looked at me, his face lighting up with a broad smile.

"Ah, I see she's finally rejoined the land of the living. Where were you there, Bells? I've been trying to get your attention for the last couple of minutes. What has you so preoccupied honey?" He asked quietly his voice barely above a whisper, probably an effort not to wake the girls.

"Oh, I was just thinking about how amazing you are, getting your G.E.D. and adding on to our house-building our room- all while protecting me and helping me with the girls." I whispered back. I stared at him, watching the emotions flit through his eyes as he stared back at me.

"Well, I'm nowhere as amazing as their beautiful, strong and sexy mother." He replied back almost silently as he closed the space between us and latched his lips to mine in a small, sweet kiss full of promises and love.

He kissed me again this time harder and longer. We were soon breathing each other in as our tongues were languidly massaging the others. I was pulling him closer and running my good arm up and down his strong sinuous back as he hovered over me on one arm as his other hand was running a long track up and down my abdomen up to my breasts. He finally palmed and massaged them and I arched up into him and threw my left leg over his hip inviting him closer to me.

As I pulled him closer he drew up and away from me to pull my overly large t-shirt over my head and then quickly returned to my flushed body. He was placing hot and wet licks and nips to my neck as he traveled down my body slowly as the hand not supporting his weight was rolling, pinching and pulling at my hardened nipples. I delighted in the feel of his burning skin against mine.

We hadn't been together at all in the last week and I needed him. We had a week's sexual tension waiting to be released and we were soon lost in one another. As soon as his mouth descended on my awaiting breast I cried out to him. Incoherently asking for more than what he was giving me. The fingers of my good hand were laced in his hair both tugging in appreciation to the attention he was paying to my body and also pulling in an attempt to get him up to my mouth and where I could better align us for more.

When he finally acquiesced to my wishes our moment was broken by a shrill wail coming from the crib. Jacob threw himself on his back next to me and groaned in frustration. We both caught our breath for a few seconds and then sprung into action. I quickly found my discarded t-shirt and pulled it on. Jacob had already reached into the crib and pulled out a bawling Juliana and was bouncing her to calm her a little. I moved around him and grabbed Charlotte who had woken up in response to her sister's wails.

We both walked out of the bedroom and made our way to the kitchen where I then watched Jacob expertly make two bottles with one arm. He handed me one and we walked to the living room to feed the girls where they greedily sucked down what they were given. We then spent the next forty-five minutes changing, bathing and dressing the girls. When we were done with them Jacob helped me dress for the day and then we laid the girls on their bellies on a blanket in the living room. I was starting the girls on their 'tummy time'. It was supposed to help them strengthen their necks and as they aged it would help them gain the upper arm strength to begin to move around.

After the girls were settled on the floor, Jacob pulled me to him kissed me; reigniting everything he had started in the bedroom and walked out the front door ready to start his patrol. I just glared and huffed at his retreating form.

I turned when I heard a deep chuckle from behind me. I watched as Sam and Emily came out of their room wearing matching grins that I wanted to smack off. I was frustrated and everyone apparently knew it.

"Seems your girls are good cock-blockers aren't' they?" Sam asked lightly. As Emily giggled and walked to the kitchen.

"What…how…ah shit I hate that super hearing crap." I complained and flushed at the same time. He just laughed and followed Emily into the kitchen smiling. I lay down by my daughters and watched as they lifted their heads a little bit here and there and not for very long. I knew it wouldn't be long before they could support the weight of their heads on their own.

I just stared at them in wonder at how they were growing and changing. Soon they'd hold their heads up then they'd begin to crawl, walk, and talk. I was staring at them still in awe that I had made them, that they were half of me and half of Jake and yet utterly perfect.

My little world of wonder was interrupted by the changing of the guard as Jared and Leah stormed angrily in the house.

"God damn it how are we supposed to track murdering bloodsuckers when the ones we can't kill are pacing the lines clogging our noses with their god dam awful scent. Why can't we just send his girl back over the damn line and maybe he'd leave us alone." Jared spat out from the table where Emily wearily looked up at me as she set his breakfast down.

I stayed hidden on the floor, hidden in an effort to avoid both Jared and Leah until their memories returned. Well just Jared till his memory returned and Leah until I gained the courage to have the talk I know we needed to have.

After fifteen minutes of Jared's and Leah's grumblings about their patrol while they greedily ate Emily's cooking I rolled the girls onto their backs and pulled a couple of visual toys out for them, for them to entertain themselves and I walked into the dining area to get some breakfast.

Leah had already left and Jared was sitting silently at the table with his head in his hands as I entered the room he looked up apologetically but didn't say anything. I didn't want him to because he couldn't control the fact that he didn't know who I was. I went into the kitchen and Emily handed me a plate before I could do it myself.

"You didn't have to do that Em." I told her, they were already helping me so much I felt bad that they did as much as they did.

"Yes I did, now go sit down and eat." She ordered with a smile.

I made my way back to the table and took a seat. I ate in silence but watched the two wolves at the table. They both looked uncomfortable but remained silent. I could tell they were have a silent conversation by the looks they were sharing and a question that had been fighting to get out since Jared's outburst finally tumbled from my lips before I even thought about it.

"How long has Edward been running along the treaty line?" My voice was empty, I just didn't know how to feel about him being here and he causing problems for my family made me uneasy.

"He's been pacing the line sporadically since Sunday morning during Jake's shift. I think he is trying to get information on everything but he can't because of the order. He isn't causing much of a problem other than his scent and a few questions he throws over every now and then." Sam replied trying to make this less than it was.

"Why wasn't I told?" I asked with a little bit of bitterness. I didn't like being kept in the dark and especially about this. It made my guts twist and an uneasiness settle in my chest.

"I decided it wasn't important for you to know. I can see the uneasiness it's already causing for you and I wanted you to have some peace. He isn't causing any problems, so there is no reason for you to fret and worry like I know you are already doing. You don't have to worry about him." Sam reasoned. I just stared at him. I knew he thought of himself as my older brother, he had since he had found me curled up on the forest floor. He hated Edward for what his family made him, for what caused him to hurt Leah; but he hated Edward most for what he did to me. As my big, overprotective brother he was just trying to keep me happy and safe and away from Edward.

Something inside of me knew that this all had to end, that what was going on had to end or my daughters and Jacob would pay for it with my life. If Edward continued his sentry on the La Push boarder it would hinder the wolves' job to the point I would lose my life to my huntress.

"I want you to call a meeting with all the wolves as soon as Jake and Embry get off patrol." My firm voice said leaving no room for discussion.

"Why Bella, what's going on in that head of yours?" Sam asked curious but worried.

"I want this to end and I can only see one way to end it but before I tell you I have to talk about it with Jacob." I replied and went back to eating, effectively ending the conversation with Sam.

"Well, I'm headed to Jake's to work on the house, Paul's there. He and I will come back at eleven for the meeting." Jared said as he stood and walked out the door.

I finished eating, stood and walked to the kitchen placing my dirty dishes in the sink and then went back to the living room to watch my daughters. As I looked down on them I could see both of them sucking on one of their hands so I walked to the coffee table and picked up the two pacifiers and gave them to my daughters who were still staring at the toys above them. I sat down next to them and just watched them as I thought about what I was going to have to say today.

After I don't know how long I was lost in my thoughts, I focused on my daughters to see them asleep. I slowly and carefully picked one up and placed her in the crib followed by the other. I lay down on the bed and took a small nap until the meeting convened. I had a feeling I'd need the energy.

"Bells, honey, wake up." I heard next through the veil of sleep as I felt a warm hand running up and down my back.

I rolled onto my back to see Jake staring down at me with furrowed brows. His eyes were filled with worry and something else I couldn't read. I could always read his eyes and the fact that I couldn't tell concerned me.

"Hey, how was your nap?" He asked.

"Fine."

"Sam said you wanted to talk to me before the meeting? He assumed it was private so he has all the wolves running the perimeter for the next ten minutes so that we can talk in private." He responded nervously.

"Yeah I wanted to talk to you but first I need to ask you why you didn't tell me about Edward pacing the boarder?"

"Bells, when I saw Edward running the line Sunday I wanted to do nothing more than to tear him into tiny leech pieces but because I knew you still cared for him I couldn't so I ignored him. When Sam told me he didn't want you to know so that you wouldn't worry I disagreed with him because I know how you are. You want to know about everything and want me to keep nothing from you and I didn't but you've been through so much since you came back, so many ups and downs- some because of me- and I didn't want you to worry about him because nothing was going to happen. I knew he wouldn't cross over and he wasn't getting any information from the pack because of Sam's order. So I agreed that as long as Edward wasn't getting in the way of us doing our job, as long as he didn't get anything from us I'd keep it from you. The second something happened I'd tell you.

"I'm sorry that you're upset with me but I just wanted you to have some peace from him. I know now that you know… That's why you want to talk to me isn't it?" His voice had dropped at the end.

"Mm hm. I want to talk to Edward, get him to stop pacing the line, and maybe ask that you guys be able to patrol your original routes. I know he is doing this so he can talk to me or get information on me and he isn't going to quit until he gets what he wants. I'm afraid if he keeps doing this something bad will happen and I don't want that. So I want to talk to him, give him the answer to some of his questions and then ask him to let you all do your duties."

"I have a feeling this is more you telling me what you're going to do then asking if I think it's okay. I know that even if you outright asked me that, you'd still do it. I'm not going to stop you but I don't have to like it, and I don't. That thing hurt you so badly, so badly that you were a lifeless lump, so badly you nearly killed yourself. I thought for a very long time you'd never get better. I know he's the reason you are so scared of so many things in our relationship. I know that if he hadn't left you the way he did that you wouldn't have run when you found out you were pregnant. I have paid for his sins and we both know it. But to me what's worse than that is that he is the reason you have to live with armed guards at all times. He is the reason that you've been hunted for so long. If he hadn't introduced you to his world you wouldn't be in danger right now. You could drive to Port Angeles or Seattle without a second thought about having wolves with you. Am I okay with you talking to him? No, but I'm not going to stop you because you believe that it's what you need to do to help us protect you. I don't control you Bella, I'm your partner, your equal, in this life and I'll support you. I just don't have to like it all the time." He said and then placed a kiss to my forehead.

"Thank you Jake for understanding. I know you hate Edward but I need to do this; for me, for the pack, for you and hell even him. The air needs to be cleared and I'm the only one who can do it."

I sat up and wrapped my arms around him. I knew the man had agreed with me but I was unsure of how his wolf would respond with the thought of me going to speak to a vampire-vegetarian or not- a vampire none the less. I got close to him to calm his wolf.

"How'd you know I needed that?" Jake asked.

"What? Me close?"

"Yeah, I'm okay with you going to Edward because I know he won't harm you but my wolf is a little frantic at the moment at the idea of our mate walking up to a vampire, of being in any kind of danger, so added with the danger you're already in, he just needs you close, to put our scent on you, to claim you as ours." He stated.

"I am yours Jake, always. But as much as you want to claim me right now you can't because everyone will be back in few minutes and I really don't want to give them live audio. It's bad enough Sam knew what we were doing this morning."

"I know. I can't wait till we have our own room and then I can make you scream my name without the risk of waking the girls." He replied huskily as he lightly skimmed his nose down the column of my neck and then lightly bit the juncture of where my neck met my shoulder. This caused my breath to hitch and a moan to fall from my lips and almost give up my previous thoughts against him claiming me.

Thankfully our daughters made another loud interruption as they began whimpering from the crib. I climbed out of bed and away from Jacob as I made my way to the crib.

"See what I mean Bells, you moan and they wake up. They don't want us to have any fun." He teased. "Do you pups? No fun for mommy and daddy, huh?" He said as he picked up Charlotte, placed a kiss on her head and I picked up Juliana.

"It's time for their feeding anyways so I have feeling it's no fun for anyone until our bellies are full and our diapers dry." I responded lightly back.

I watched again as Jake made the bottles and we went to sit at the table to wait for the pack to come back.

A few minutes later the pack as well as Emily, Rachel and Kim came walking through the door. They all found spots at the table, the girls taking spots on their wolves' laps. Everyone was curious about what I wanted to talk about. I knew none of them were going to like it but if Jake agreed with me then they wouldn't do anything to stop me. I was burping Juliana when Sam finally spoke.

"What did you want to talk to us about Bella?"

"I know that Edward is causing you all problems while on patrol and I have a feeling that his closeness to the res. is going to cause more boys to phase. I don't want that any more than you do. I know why he is there all the time and I know he won't leave until he speaks to me. It is what he wants and I'm going to give it to him. I'm going to speak to Edward and I'm going to do it today." My voice firm leaving no room for argument thought I knew there would be.

"You've got to be kidding me?" Paul boomed incredulously.

"I'm not. If I don't go and speak with him he will continue to bug you along the border and I fear it is hindering your jobs. I will talk to him, ask him to leave the treaty line alone and also convince him to allow you guys back across the line to do your jobs effectively. I know it has bothered all of you that you can't protect the people you protected before. He won't listen to any of you, only me."

"I don't like it but I have a feeling that's why you wanted to talk to Jake and I'm assuming because he isn't jumping out of his skin that he agreed to it." Sam replied looking between me and Jake judging us.

"Yes she told me and I know she's right. Am I okay with her talking to her vampire ex not really but she's going to do it whether I agree to it or not and I would like her to speak to me within the next week, so agree it is." Jake replied trying to put lightness in his voice but the veiled tension still showed through.

"Okay, you want to do it today, when and where are you going to do it?" Sam asked.

"I think as soon as possible would be best and I figure at the treaty line would be appropriate that way if its needed you guys can be phased and come help me." I replied.

"There is something else I wanted to do as well." I said nervously.

"What is that Bella?"

"I want you to drop the alpha order." I said quietly.

"What, why?" Jake asked confused.

"I'll be talking about everything with Edward, most of the stuff you are all keeping from him so he'll know anyway. Also this whole forgetting me thing, I don't like it, I feel like a stranger every time you come back from patrol. I have spent nearly two years with you guys and you look at me with hate and indifference and I know you agreed to the order because of me but I hate seeing the guilt when you realized the looks you've given me or the words you've said to me. I've been hiding from all of you for the last few days and I'm sick of it so I want you to drop the order."

"Has it really been that bad Bells?" Jake asked worriedly.

"On average no, it's just the fifteen minutes immediately following the shift changes that's hell and has me hiding in fear of what will be said and the looks thrown at me. We don't need this order anymore and I don't want it. I want my friends back." My voice falling quiet at the end.

"If this is what you want Bee, then I agree with you, I hate when I forget you, I don't like feeling like that and thinking the things I do." Embry said.

"I agree Bells is a member of our pack and even though we don't intend to do it we've been treating her badly this past week and all of our apologies don't make up for the fact that we're not making her feel wanted." Seth added.

"Okay so I'll remove the order, but right now I want to know who should bring you to the treaty line."

"I think I should do it, she's my imprint." Jacob reasoned.

"That's why I don't think you should do it. You already phased in front of him, who knows if he'd try to goad you into attacking him and then we'd have a war on our hands. I mean if Kim had a leech ex and he did what he did to Bella and then said the things he said last week I don't think I could not attack him." Jared reasoned.

"I think either Leah or Paul should do it." Rachel spoke from her spot on Paul's lap as shock rained down on the room.

"Uh why?" Leah asked the question running through everyone's minds.

"Well I figure because of their attitudes towards Bella they will have less actual information to think about while dropping her off than the rest will, notably Embry, Quil and Seth who have spent the most time with her." She reasoned.

"I'll do it." Paul said. "Rachel is right; we have less information about her life than the rest and our thoughts have been the most negative while we are patrolling, the change may throw him off a bit."

"Okay so Paul will bring Bella to the line. Bella how long do you think you'll need?" Sam asked.

"I don't think I'll need or want more than an hour."

"Okay; as Alpha I am removing any order I have given since Bella's arrival that is in regards to Bella herself." Sam's voice boomed out.

"You ready Izzy?" Paul asked as he stood up.

"Yeah, let's get this over with." I answered handing Juliana to Rachel who had walked around the table to grab her. I leaned down and kissed Jake and then walked to the front door following Paul.

Before I walked out of the house I was swung around by my arm and pulled into the strong warm chest of Jacob. He steadied me and as I gasped in shock he latched his mouth to mine immediately demanding entrance to my mouth. I gave into him as he pulled me impossibly close to him as his hands ran up and down under my shirt his tongue stroking and wrapping around mine. When my need for air became essential he moved his lips to my jaw where he licked and nibbled, then to my neck where he licked, nibbled and pulled sections of my skin into his mouth and sucked deeply. He moved back up my neck and retook my mouth with his in a long searing kiss that left my knees weak and me moaning. All thought of what I had to do were gone and I only wanted to pull Jake to his bed and continue what we had started this morning. He pulled away, gave me a simple closed mouth peck, and moved his mouth to my ear.

"I love you Bells."

I just stared at him in disbelief as realization that he had done than in front of everyone. I heard several 'damns' from the pack but was too stunned to figure out who said them.

"Wha…you…no…you marked me." I accused as he walked to Rachel to take Juliana and set her against his chest where she laid her clenched fist against his pec.

"You're damn right I did honey." He said proudly.

"Why? You know I'm coming back to you in an hour, right?"

"I do know that, but I want that tick to know you're mine and he doesn't have a chance with you." He said boldly.

"Jake…" I began but he interrupted.

"No Bells, he is going to try to cajole you with eloquent words and pierce you with his eyes and then his scent will invade your senses but the closer he gets to you the more of me he'll smell on you and he will know he can't have you no matter what he says or does. He'll know he's lost you for good." I knew nothing I could say would change his mind. He had claimed his mate so that all males would know I was taken even if I knew he didn't need to.

"I love you Jake, I'll be back in an hour." I said and walked out the door to a smirking Paul.

"What?" I snapped.

"I give it to that boy, he's got balls, but I'd do the same if it were Rach." He responded. I just huffed.

"So how do you want to do this, I carry you or do you want to go wolf-back ridding?" He said as we reached the woods.

"How about you carry me, don't think I can hang on so well with the cast." I replied holding my cast up.

"Good point." He agreed, walked up to me and picked me up bridal style.

As we were walking I decided to ask him the question that had been nagging at me since he agreed to bring me.

"Why did you agree to bring me?"

"I agreed with Rach about Leah and I and I figured that since you've avoided her the past week that I'd be better choice. Now that Sam removed the order I'm glad I did."

"Why?"

"Because when he dropped the order to not think about you he also dropped the order not to think about what you told me that afternoon at the Blacks."

"You mean…" I asked worriedly.

"I mean that I can think about and talk about what you told me. I'll try not to but I think it's time you told him about Jules, Izzy. He is her father and he needs to know the risk she is under and you need to be the one to tell him, he shouldn't find out from my thoughts."

"I know I need to tell him and I planned on it. So that doesn't bother me, it's just that I don't want him to see me like that, to hear how hard that day was, to hear how I thought I killed our daughter or how I thought I was never going to hold her. Because I know him and he'll feel guilty about something and he has no reason to because I'm the reason he wasn't there."

"Izzy, that man loves you and it's not just the imprint he felt that strong for you before that; and of course he's going to be upset about Jules and what you went through that day. You don't need to carry this by yourself, share with him what that day was like and move on don't let it eat at you.

"We're here." He stated as he put me down.

"So where exactly is the line?" I asked looking around at the forest that surrounded me.

"About twenty feet in front of you and he's close so he'll be here soon."

"Okay, I'll see you in an hour and Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you not phase until I have a chance to talk to him?"

"Sure Izzy, no problem, just do it soon because once I phase it's open to the whole pack and he needs to hear it from you and not by word of mouth." He said as he walked back into the forest heading back to Sam's.

I turned and faced the treaty line, still staring at nothing but the trees that made up the forest. I didn't walk forward even though I knew I had twenty more feet to go but I didn't want to cross. I felt better being on this side of the line where he couldn't get as close as he had the last time I saw him.

I waited no more than two minutes when I saw him emerge from the woods in front of me. The sun shone off his diamond skin like I had seen so many times before. He had never looked more beautiful, he had always been Adonis to me but looking at him now I saw the tragedy that was his existence. He didn't look any different than the day I met him. Slowly I walked ten more feet, close enough for me see him clearly, yet far enough that I was still firmly on this side of the Quileute line.

"Hello Edward."

**A/N2:** Again I'm so sorry this was late; the next chapter will be out around the third of February. I have to say thanks to PrncessButtercup for being the 6ooth reviewer. It really does mean a lot that you all take the time to leave me your comments on my work. Thank you to everyone who has left a review, or set this story to alert or favorite.


	25. The Me I No Longer Am

**Disclaimer: **All Characters within the world of Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyers, I do not own, nor do I make anything from my works.

**A/N: **While I've never had a song for a chapter the majority of this chapter was inspired by 'Jar of Hearts' by Christina Perri and also 'Heavy in Your Arms' by Florence + the Machine. Take a listen to them but it's not required to read the chapter.

Ch. 25

The Me I No Longer Am

"Bella" He breathed. It sent a shiver through me the way he said my name, but I didn't know if it was good or bad. I immediately tensed at the thought and put up my defenses there was no way I was going to let him in. I made sure to lock my feet in their spot to ensure I wouldn't unconsciously walk towards him. I wouldn't get to do what I needed if he dazzled me, if I fell under his spell again.

"I didn't think you would come." He said earnestly.

"Well I figured that was what your little display pacing the border was for, for me to come to you."

"I meant I didn't think he'd let you." The words fell bitterly from his mouth.

"Is that what you expected from him?" I asked.

"I wouldn't have let you meet with your ex even if he wasn't my enemy."

"Well he's not you. Did he like the idea? Hell no. But he trusts me, he knows I can make decisions for myself, he won't control me, but just know he doesn't trust you." I responded.

"Well he surely has made his possession of you obvious." He snapped after inhaling deeply. Now I was just annoyed by his actions.

"What are you doing Edward?" I asked harshly.

"I am speaking with you Bella, is that not why you came out here?" I rolled my eyes at his tone.

"I mean, why are you…why are you on the treaty line every day bugging my friends? What are you trying to accomplish?"

"I just wanted to know how you are. I went by your home several times after you left last week but you never returned. With you on the reservation it was not possible for me to find out if you were safe? Are you no longer living with Charlie?"

"How is any of that your business? But for your information, no after my accident I moved down to the reservation so that my friends could help me with things I couldn't do with the cast." I replied stonily.

"Why are you running the line, why are you even here? Didn't you do enough damage last week? Do you even realize the mess you created, the mess I had to clean up? What were you getting at, what were you trying to do?" I spat.

"I was trying to prove to you what I said the other day. The wolves are unsafe, the scars on one of the mates is evidence of that. I had to show you that you aren't safe with them around. I mean Jacob nearly phased on top of you. You shouldn't trust them with your safety."

"You really are a pompous ass aren't you? You antagonized him into phasing while he is next to me to prove he's not safe for me. You think I don't know how to read him after over a year. And you knew Charlie was coming around the house, didn't you? What were you hoping for? That Charlie would see him phase and rip me away from and never let me see him again and then you could come to my rescue? You weren't that naïve to believe that'd happen?"

"I just wanted to make you see."

"See? See what? What did doing what you did do make me see anything than other than how much of a jerk you are. Because of you I had to tell Charlie everything. Everything I never wanted him to know. He now knows that I've lied to him since nearly the beginning. You've made me hurt my father in the worst possible way all in order to try to prove something that didn't need proving, all in order to try to look like the better man. I can tell you, you're not. You aren't even close to the man Jake is, or even the rest of the pack."

"I just wanted you to see that I am the better option and I wouldn't hold those dogs in such high regards love; you have no idea what they think about you." He sneered. I ignored what he had first said and dealt with the other part of his declaration.

"I know exactly what they think about me, it's you who should question what you see and hear." I shot back cockily. I had hated that order with every fiber of my being until this very moment. Edward would learn that he'd been played. I could almost hear the pack laughing evilly in response.

"What are you talking about love, I'm the one who can hear their thoughts; they can't hide the truth from me."

"Then why don't you enlighten me, what kind of things were they thinking about me?" My hidden joy bubbling in me ready to break out, the current form of my thoughts was shocking when I realized all this was directed at Edward. I wanted to knock him down, the man that I had waited for, for nearly a year and now I wanted to feel some of my ire and malice. I wanted the man that I thought I'd spend forever with see what he had done to me.

"I mostly heard indifference to you any time you were brought up in the thoughts of the pack. Several of the wolves are outright hostile towards you and don't want you here. Only two wolves had positive thoughts towards you, they are Jacob Black and the alpha Sam Uley; otherwise there were no positive thoughts. They are not your family Bella."

"You think your gift lets you know all. You know nothing Edward. Didn't you find it odd that their thoughts never contained anything new, it was all old information, all old memories they thought about. I spent dozens of hours with them since I found out about the pack and I've lived with the Alpha for two weeks now and not one new memory was in their thoughts was it?" I asked cockily waiting for the truth to hit him.

"What are you trying to get at, Bella?"

"I've known about the wolves for over a year, I was being hunted by a vampire, don't you think that in order to help them protect me I told them everything I knew about vampires including the fact that some vampires had special gifts, gifts like mind-reading." I could see cracks form in his carefully constructed façade.

"You are trying to tell me that they were purposely thinking those things to throw me off? That is impossible. No one can control their thoughts that much."

"Who says they had any control over what they thought. You don't think that as soon as you came back that the pack saw you as a threat to me. They made sure you wouldn't get anything from them. You're lucky the treaty is in place because otherwise most would have torn you apart for what you did to me. Since they couldn't destroy you they kept you from what you wanted most, information on me. They weren't going to give you free access to their memories."

"Do you really hate me that much?"

"I don't hate you Edward, I've never hated you. I just didn't think you deserved to have any information on me without me telling you. You didn't deserve to make comments on my life since you left. I wasn't going to allow you back into my life the way you were before. I don't hate you but I am so furious with you. What you did last week was sickening and cruel. My father should be free from this world but you did what you did and drug him into it for yourself. Just to let you know that you should probably stay away from him because if he see's you he will shoot you. He hates you almost as much as the wolves do. But what you did last week pisses him off. You acted like a spoiled arrogant child who wasn't getting the toy he wanted and destroyed the blissful ignorance of a man who should be able to live free of the monsters and protectors he is surrounded by. For someone who is over a century old you were less mature than even the youngest of the pack. You did what you did, once again, without the thought of the consequences. For that I'll never forgive you."

"I am sorry I did that Bella. I know what I did hurt you, I didn't intend you any harm. Everything I have done has been done to ensure your protection, to keep you safe from harm. I never wanted you to hurt Bella." I couldn't stop the scoff that flew from my clenched jaw. He was trying to placate my feelings and I wasn't having any of it.

"You may have never wanted to hurt me but hurt me is all you've done. I don't think you understand the pain I was in when you left."

"If you were so hurt then how was it so easy for you to move on?" He accused.

"God you are acting like a child. Yes I moved on but don't for one fucking second believe that it was fucking easy for me to move on. I died nearly every day after I realized I had to let you go, but hanging on and waiting for you was killing me."

"If I had come back sooner, would you have forgiven me and taken me back?" He asked out of the blue but I could tell he had been thinking about it for a while.

"I…don't…I have no clue how I should answer that." I said and then paused and really thought about it. I didn't know if I should be truthful or not. I knew ultimately that I'd hurt him with the truth but he needed to hear it.

"I think had you come back before…before I was forced to see that I had to move on or I was going to die that I'd have taken you back without thought of what had happened. Before I realized I had feelings for someone else. After that I…I'm not sure it would have been that easy…after a year I know I wouldn't have, I had already chosen Jake by then and I was no longer in love with you." I replied simply. I couldn't tell him how long I actually held onto the hope he'd come back. It wouldn't do anyone any good.

"So if I had come back when I had Alice looked for you?" He asked hopeful and hesitant.

"What are you trying to do here, this won't fucking help anything. I don't know what would have happened then okay? I have no fucking clue what I would have done but you didn't so there is no reason to put us both through this." I yelled exasperated, I didn't like where he was trying to take this, I wasn't his anymore and I was never going to be his.

"What is with you and all this foul language? The Bella I know never used such words and hated them even more."

"Well that's the most important thing right, me swearing? News flash for you Edward, I'm not the Bella you knew. She died that day in the forest it just took most of a year for me to realized it. I think that's why I had such a hard time once you left. I was trying so hard to hang onto the Bella you loved, the Bella you left that I couldn't see anything clearly. I couldn't see that trying to be her without you was destroying my soul. So you have no fucking right, none whatsoever to say it was easy for me, these last two years have been nothing short of living hell and the only light was Jacob and the pack.

"I was haunted by you. The moment you walked from me you ripped everything from me. All the plans I had for my future, gone. The ones that had become my family, ripped from me. My hopes and dreams about the rest of my life, existence, torn apart. The man I loved and believed to be my reason for existence, disappeared saying nothing more than he didn't love me and didn't want me. And yet I clung to all of that hoping and praying it would come back every time I woke up screaming from my nightmares. I wanted it back so much I quit living. I only got up and went through my day so that Charlie didn't send me to my mother because if he did I wouldn't be here when you came back, but I wasn't trying to live. I was a spectral, a ghost, of who I once was. I wasn't living but I wasn't gone either I was just floating through every day just waiting. I think I was struggling to die. I gave up the moment you turned away from me. I was so haunted by you, I…I could hear you whenever I was in danger, or doing something reckless and stupid and it nearly drove me to jump off a cliff. Clinging to your memory and our love was destroying the Bella I had been before I met you. Trying to hang on to your Bella sucked the life from me and I finally realized after months of heartache that I had to let you go or I would be in a box in the ground. In letting you go I found someone that loved me and let me be the damaged heartbroken girl I was and helped fix what you broke. Now I'm no longer haunted by you, I'm not the spectral of your Bella anymore." I just stared at him through the tears that had formed at the memory of my pain and desperation.

"God Bella, I am so sorry, if I had known…,"He started but I interrupted him.

"You'd what? You wouldn't have left me? You wouldn't have lied to me? What would you have done if you'd known what your leaving would have done, what it almost cost me? I know you Edward, I know you felt what you did that day was for the best and nothing I could have said or did would have changed your mind. Once you made up your mind to leave, nothing or no one could dissuade you, not even the truth of what my future would be. So don't make promises two years too late." I snapped.

"You are right, nothing could have changed my plans that day but I would have come back, I would not have stayed away. It was hell being away from you love; the only thing that kept me away last year was Alice's vision of you happy and healthy with your mother. That vision kept me going and gave me the strength to stay away. I believed you were having the life I wanted for you. If I had known that you were in danger, being hunted by Victoria and in the clutches of those mongrels I would have come back." He supplied, I could tell he vehemently believed what he said, but he could see what I saw.

"You keep saying if this and if that. It doesn't matter because you didn't know, you couldn't see-which I don't understand by the way- so there was no reason as you say to come back. In your head you probably reasoned that because you promised me 'it would be as if you never existed' that you intended to keep it. You can't hindsight a promise to me and I would be incredibly stupid to believe any promise you've made because you have broken every single promise you made me. I'm not the naïve girl you left Edward."

"Love, I know I have hurt you and that I left you in pain and I am incredibly sorry for that. I know I can never make up for that…"

"Stop. We've already talked about this. I've already forgiven you for leaving, but that doesn't mean that we can be what we were if that's what you're trying to get at. I am not your love anymore so will you please quit calling me that. I don't belong to you. I quit belonging to you when you left. There are some things apologies can't fix."

"You said the last time that you knew that I lied to you, that you knew I loved you. If you knew that then why did you…why did you move on?"

"I said stop Edward and I mean it. Rehashing this isn't going to get you anywhere. When you told me what you told me that day in the forest I believed every word you said. I believed you didn't need, want or love me and I believed it for a very long time. It wasn't until I did what you had done; that I truly understand what you had done. It wasn't until then that I realized you loved me but by then I was already in love with someone else."

"You left Jacob." It sounded more like a question than a statement.

"Yes I did." I said but didn't elaborate.

"The day Alice and I arrived, when you spoke about leaving, Jacob had a quick thought about you leaving him and the panic that quickly followed. He's afraid you'll leave again."

"I know he was that day, we have issues to work on; they are our issues."

"Why'd you leave him Bella?" He asked quietly but curiously.

"Why do you want to know? I don't want to get into this with you." I was getting frustrated with the way this conversation was headed.

"I just want to know you Bella, know what your life was like while I was gone."

"When dealing with him and our relationship I didn't always react as I should have I have punished him relentlessly for a very long time for your sins and your actions. I almost always reacted as if he would do what you did. So I left him before he could leave me."

"You say you have punished him for my actions, you left him, and I want to know why." His voice was calm but demanding.

I was quickly losing my calm demeanor and I could feel myself weakening under his intense gaze. His eyes bore into me, demanding of me and I was fighting him. The familiar feeling I had always felt when I stared into his golden orbs was filling in the tips of my extremities and working its way up. I had to keep reminding myself that I had to fight this; that I was in control of this meeting and he wasn't going to get anything out of me that I didn't want. But a tiny part of me knew I'd give in to him. I just hoped the hour was up before that happened.

"Something happened between us and I got scared. Scared he'd leave me, scared that what happened would be too much for us. After you left he was the one that fixed me, that picked up all the broken pieces he found and put them together into the semblance of a happy eighteen year old girl. If he left me and I was broken again there would be no one left to help fix me. He showed me the beauty he found in me, the assurance that I'd be okay one day, and the promise that he'd love me. He was-is-my best friend and the thought of losing the only person that was able to fix me caused me to panic and run." I answered him like he wanted but as vaguely as possible like I needed.

"What he do to you that made you scared. I swear if he hurt you I'll kill him." He growled out.

"What…god no…do you think I'd be with anyone that hurt me? He didn't do anything to me. Something just happened that caused a drastic change in our future and I freaked out and didn't trust him enough at the time to get through it together. I don't really want to talk about this anymore. I only came here to…" He cut me off.

"Does the reason you left have anything to do with what you told Charlie last week about Jacob being the father of your children?" He asked hesitantly, like he didn't really want the answer.

"I was wondering when you'd ask about that."I paused. I didn't know if I wanted him to know the truth but knowing that he'd just read the truth in the minds of the wolves meant that he'd learn it any way. "Yes is does, its most of the reason I left."

"You are a mom." His voice was filled with sadness as he spoke.

"Yeah, twin girls," A smile broke across my face as I pictured my daughters.

"Not only did he steal your virtue, your innocence, but he also hasn't made an honest woman out of you and married you. Yet you defend him as say he's the better man, the better choice."

"When will you get it into your teenage vampire brain; Jacob Black did not steal my virtue, he didn't take anything, I gave it all to him as he gave me his. He couldn't have 'made an honest woman of me because I left him the day I found out I was expecting and didn't come back until after they were born. I've been back a total of three weeks and I've been a little busy hiding from vampires who are intent on making my life chaotic and hellish. Get off your fucking moral high horse because he is not you and this is the god damned twenty-first century not 1918. If I had stayed he would have tried to make an 'honest woman of me', but I didn't.

"I don't need for him to marry me. I know he loves me. He sees the best in me but isn't oblivious to my flaws. He makes me a better person just by spending time with me. He is happy and his happiness in contagious. He challenges me to be my best. He helps me be strong and brave, to feel beautiful and wanted. He gives me hope for the future. He makes me laugh and makes my worries seem insignificant as long as he's by my side. He is my equal, my best friend, my lover, and the father of my children. Having a piece of paper that says he's mine is redundant because I know he's mine and he knows I'm his. And also you have no say in my life, you lost that right." I spat angrily at him. I was sick of his moral compass trying to dirty what Jacob and I shared.

"I'm sorry Bella. This isn't easy for me. I don't like seeing you with someone else. I don't like seeing you have a life with someone else and I hate that it's a werewolf. And I don't like seeing that your life is less than what I wanted for you."

"What did you expect after two years…you told me to find someone? Did you expect for me to still be here waiting for you, pining for you?" I asked indignantly but pained that he actually believed I'd still be here ready, willing and waiting for him. He looked at me with his deep and soulful eyes with pain. I could feel my anger ebbing away and my resolve weaken but I didn't move, I didn't want to know what I would do if he was that close again. I didn't want to know what kind of reaction his vampire nature would draw from me.

"I know what I said and I meant it that day. I believed it best for you to not be with me, to spend your life in danger from me and my family. You deserved a human life with human experiences, not to be frozen in your experiences with us or limited in your contact with others as you would have been. But deep down, I didn't want anyone for you other than me because there is no one else for me but you and I believed that there was no one else for you but me. Did I expect you to wait for me? No, but I didn't think you would have moved on so permanently. If you had moved on to a human, just any guy I figured I could have won you back if I ever returned. You know, I almost did come back last year; instead I had Alice look for you and her vision of you happy and with your mom was enough for me to stay away and let you be happy. Had you shown any sadness in that vision I would have come back. You have told me how difficult it was for you to move on but what I want to know is if you still…" As he poured his heart out, his voice becoming more and more strained all my anger was gone. We were finally having the conversation we should have had a long time ago so before he asked the question I answered it.

"Edward, I'm not in love with you anymore but I do still love you and care about you. I think that I always will. You were my first love, you were a great love and from the moment I realized I loved you I only saw my future with you, so I am always going to think fondly of you and want the best for you. I think because you were my first love it was that much harder for me to let you go and I can't let go of you completely. I fought so hard to remain in love with you but when I changed; when I let your Bella go to survive I fell out of love with you, but for a very long time I was in love with you and Jacob. Now I'm so completely in love with Jacob and I will never love anyone like I love him, just like I will never love anyone like I loved you.

"It took me a really long time to figure out that you don't love different people the same, you love different people differently. I can't have the love I had with you, with Jacob just like I can't have the life I would have had with you, with Jacob."

"Why can't you see I can give you a better life than he can?" He cried out softly.

"You can't give me a better life; you're trying to offer me a different life. Just like the love you offer me, it's not better or worse just different.

"I don't need or want a walk in closest full of designer clothes. I don't need a car that costs more than most people make in year. I don't need to live in a mansion filled with ten thousand dollar furniture and priceless art. Those are just things. I love my life with Jake; so we won't have the finest things or new things-or hell sometimes things at all, I don't care because he offers me a life full of love and family. I know we will struggle and work for everything we have. I know we will live with his father for the rest of his life and I wouldn't have in any other way, so please don't look down on the life I will have with Jacob just because it isn't how you think it should be because it is the life I want." I stopped as a thought crept into my frazzled brain and I contemplated how I should bring it up. He remained silent after my rant. As his eyes met mine I decided to say it.

"I want to thank you Edward. I want to thank you for what you did that day in the woods. I know I've yelled at you for what you did to me, you did hurt me but if you hadn't done what you did…just thank you. I know you never wanted to turn me, I don't understand exactly why you didn't want to turn me, but I understand now why you wanted me human. I love my family and friends and the thought of leaving them forever to be a vampire sickens me. The thought that I'd have to fake my death so that they didn't look for me tears my soul. I'm Bella Swan, clumsy, neurotic, a little crazy, shy, human, and a ton of other things. I am meant to be all those things. I am meant to blush at the simplest of provocations, I am meant to trip over lint and carry dozens of bruises, I am meant to burn lobster red after twenty minutes in the sun, I am meant to age and wrinkle and grey. I am not meant to be graceful and ethereal, I am not meant to be a vampire and live forever.

"So even though you tore me apart in leaving me you did something I couldn't have done, you got me to see that I am supposed to be human. Because you left you gave me the chance to experience something I never thought I wanted but I wouldn't change for all the money in the world. You forced me to live my life for me for the first time since I was a child. You gave me the chance to be a mother. I can't even explain to you what those girls mean to me or what it means to be their mother. I am blessed in ways I didn't even know one could be blessed in and it is all because you found the strength to leave me when I couldn't even see the other life you offered. I will never be able to adequately show the gratitude I feel for what you did, but thank you from the bottom of my heart." I could see the harsh truth of defeat in his eyes and he remained silent for a few minutes.

"Bella, I don't…Are you happy?" He asked as his eyes once again bore into me.

"For the most part I am. I'm happy with Jacob; he makes me happy, I'm happy with my family and being a mom. I'm also terrified almost all the time but that doesn't distract from my happiness. I know you love me Edward and seeing me with someone else causes you pain but you made the right choice. I wasn't meant to be with you forever. I am meant to be with Jake. Your happiness is out there somewhere, you'll find her and she'll make you happier than I ever could."

"I don't want anyone but you. I don't think I can love anyone but you." He replied sadly.

"You have to let me go. I was never supposed to be yours." I said simply.

"Now I want to talk about why I really came here to talk to you about. I came out here to discuss your presence along the border. I want you to stay away from the treaty line. Your presence along with any other vampire is causing the change in several young men here on the reservation. I don't want any more to lose the childhood that was taken from the pack. I don't want the choices taken from them as well. I'd ask you to leave Forks as well but I know you won't. I also want to ask that you allow the pack to cross the treaty line so that they can return to their old patrol routes. It leaves them incredibly uneasy leaving so many people vulnerable to Victoria and her minions. I know it goes against the treaty but I'm asking you to make an exception."

"Bella it is not my place to make this decision, its Carlisle's so I will ask him when he and the rest of the family come tomorrow. As for staying away from reservation grounds, I will abide your wishes. How shall I contact you with the family's response?"

"Everyone is coming back?" I asked somewhat shocked.

"When they were informed on Victoria's activities and the threat she posed to you they all immediately agreed to come to your aide. They all want to help you in any way possible to clear up the mess we created."

"That's nice…but unneeded." Not really sure what to say.

"Bella we did this to you, put your life in danger. It should be us to take care of the problem."

"Well the pack won't like it."

"I really don't care if they do or not. Now how can I contact you to give you the family's reply?"

"You can call me at the Uley's; the number is in the book. That's where I'm staying right now."

"Okay. Bella I'm sure the family would love to see you. They've all missed you especially Esme and Emmett."

"I don't think that's the best idea. I don't think Jake could handle it. It's hard enough on him now letting me be here with just you, but in a room full of vampires or near seven vampires…no I don't think that's a good idea."

"Okay…" He began.

"Are they moving back permanently?" I blurted out before he could continue.

"They are moving back for as long as they are needed and then we don't know when we'll leave but we can't stay forever." He supplied.

"Oh okay." I still didn't know how to feel about the Cullen's returning. It was something I long believed would never happen and I had come to terms with it. I now had gotten closure with Edward but I hadn't with the family and I didn't know if I even needed to, or wanted to.

We both remained silent after that, lost in our own thoughts and worlds. After what felt like hours I looked up at him. His shoulders hung defeated as his body stood tense. He didn't look up at me but just stood there, still as a statue.

"Do you know how long we've been speaking Edward?" I asked realizing that I was now just waiting for Paul to return. I needed to see Jake and have him take all the uneasy feelings I was filled with at the moment.

"About fifty minutes, why?"

"Just waiting for my ride," I smiled and he sputtered.

"Ride?"

"What never heard of wolf back? It's quite exhilarating."

"That…he lets…he's really irresponsible enough to let you ride a wolf?"

"Let me? He and I are a partnership and he doesn't let him do anything, we talk it out and come to a compromise and the wolf riding he asked me to do because he wanted to show me what it was like, just like you ran with me on your back."

"Okay you made your point."

"I know. You don't need to stay here Edward, he'll be here soon."

"I'm not going to leave you in the forest alone without someone to protect you when Victoria is out there. I'll wait till he comes."

I waited an awkward five more minutes in silence with Edward waiting for Paul. I had never wanted to see him more.

"Izzy?" I heard come from behind me. I whipped around to see Paul walk hesitantly from the thick crop of trees behind me.

"Hey Paul," I called out to him and started walking his way. Once I was in front of him he looked at me searchingly. As if he was trying to detect a change in me.

"Goodbye Bella, either I or Carlisle will contact you with a reply to your question." Edward called out from behind me. Paul quirked an eyebrow at me at Edward's comment but said nothing.

"Ready?" He asked as he picked me up bridal style.

"Your daughters are beautiful Bella." I heard from Edward and I looked at Paul in question.

"Sorry, I just left them so they were on my mind."Paul said quietly.

"Hey its okay, he's going to see them in the minds of the pack soon enough." I whispered.

"Goodbye Edward." As I said it I felt a weight I hadn't known I was carrying lift off and float in the wind. I had finally gotten the closure I had so desperately needed from him since the moment he turned from me all those months ago in the woods.

Paul carried me silently through the woods neither of us said anything for a while. I only spoke when I realized we weren't walking back to Emily's.

"Where are we going?"

"Well after you left everyone decided to head to your place to work on your room. Sam and everyone else will want to know how the talk went; by the way how did your talk with sparkle nuts go?" He grinned broadly at me. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Sparkle nuts, really?" I said, trying not to laugh.

"I've had to smell his stink and had to put up with his stalker ass for the last week I get to call his sparkly ass whatever I want and there is no way in hell I'm ever calling that tick by his first name or hell even his last."

He had a point but I'd never tell him that, so I remained silent for the rest of our walk. We finally emerged through the trees in the Black's back yard. I took in the place that would soon be my home. I could see the boys working on the new room at the back of the red house I cherished and the garage that held so many memories. The moment Paul and I broke through the camouflage of the trees all worked stopped and they all turned towards us.

Paul set me down and held me gently until I gained my footing. I began walking towards the house when I saw Jacob running to me not trying to hide his unnatural speed. He slowed as he reached me, flung his arms around me and drew me up to his chest trapping me to him with his nose buried in my hair.

He whispered "Bells," breathlessly.

"I'm okay Jake." I replied to his unspoken worry.

He pulled back enough to look in my eyes but not enough to break us apart. He stayed silent as he read me. When he saw that I was telling the truth he set me down.

"Let's go talk with Sam and the pack." I said as he laid his forehead against mine.

"God I hated that you were so close to him." He confessed.

"Well I'm fine and nothing happened. You and I both know it needed to happen." I said and then placed a kiss on his lips.

"Just because I know it did doesn't mean I liked it, I don't trust the leech when it comes to you, or anything else."

I pulled away and slipped my hand into his and pulled him to follow me to the house. He responded by letting my hand go and wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me against him as we walked back to the house.

Everyone had climbed off the concrete slab and came to stand next to it waiting for Jacob, Paul and I to come to them. I could see that Collin and Brady weren't there and I saw that Emily and Rachel weren't outside. I assumed that they were in the house with the girls.

"So how'd it go?" Sam asked. His arms were crossed across his expansive chest as he leaned against the side of the house.

"It went okay. I asked him to stay away from the treaty line and asked if the pack could be allowed to cross the treaty line to resume regular patrol routes."

"Well what did he say?" Embry asked impatiently.

"He agreed to stay away from the line and that he would speak to Carlisle about patrolling outside of reservation lands."

"Why does he need to speak with Dr. Fang?" Jacob asked from next to me.

"He said it is Carlisle's decision as head of the family and that he will call your house to give his answer within the next day. That's another thing...he said that the whole family is returning to Forks as we speak." I finished meekly afraid of the response to the last part.

"What!" The majority of the wolves screamed causing Emily, Rachel, and Billy to walk out of the house-the first two carrying the girls. Seth left the group and grabbed Charlotte from Emily and returned to his previous position.

"He said that they believed the situation I am in is their fault and they will remain in Forks until I am safe and the mess is cleaned up."

"We don't need or want their help or interference." Paul spat. Before anyone can respond, before a thought could even form in my mind, two soul wrenching, blood curdling howls sound from the woods behind the beach. All the wolves tense.

I know it's not good. The pack tries to keep their calls silent to human ears during daylight. Hearing the calls only means one of two things and neither were a good thing. The pack looked quickly from one another before they moved.

Acting quickly Seth moves to Emily and Rachel as Jacob unceremoniously picked me up and followed Seth. Before we were forced into the house Collin came running up from the beach, eyes frantic and looking for someone. Jacob set me down as we waited for what he had to say. His eyes landed on Sam and he focused on running towards him.

"Sam, Adam and Lucas just phased. Brady and I got them into the woods before they phased and anyone saw them but they are going crazy out there."

"Okay, Jared and Quil I want you to go out and patrol. Jake, I want you to go find Leah and join me to help induct our new wolves. Paul, Seth and Embry I want you to stay here. Paul and Embry I want you to keep working on the house and Seth I want you to stay with the girls in the house. You three will stay here until we come back." Sam ordered.

Seth walked into the house followed by Billy, Rachel, and Emily. I turned at looked at Jacob and I saw that his eyes were pained. He hated that two more youths had their choices taken from them. As much as he was glad that he had become a wolf so that he had the ability to protect me, he still resented everything it had cost him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried myself into his chest trying to give him some comfort.

"Everything will be fine Jake." I whispered into his chest, hoping he believed me. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze and then released me. He bent down so that his face was level with mine and pressed his lips to mine. I pressed back. I deepened the kiss and claimed his mouth for mine. I was trying to reassure him with my kiss. He pulled away before I did and laid one more chaste kiss to my lips and then led me into the house. He placed a kiss on the forehead of both Charlotte and Juliana and then walked out the front door.

An uneasy silence had settled over the room. I could see that everyone was lost in their own thoughts. It was expected, the pack hadn't had a new member since Collin and Brady joined mid last June. Back then they had had wolves joining every couple weeks so they hadn't been able to settle and form a cohesive unit yet. Now more than a year later after they had formed the tight knit group they were going to have to reorganize to let two new wolves in.

"Did you guys bring any of the girls' toys over here?" I asked.

"Huh…Oh, yeah, I put some in their diaper bag." Rachel said after she came out of her thoughts.

I pulled the throw off the back of the couch and laid it on the floor. I moved to where Rachel had motioned where the diaper bag was and pulled out a few of the girls' toys. I grabbed Charlotte from Seth and laid her on her belly on the blanket and then moved to grab Juliana from Rachel and placed her next to her sister.

I spent the rest of the day with my daughters and Seth on the living room floor. I played with them while they were awake. Laughed when Seth played raspberries on their bellies and they giggled happily. I watched them in silence while they napped. I didn't speak about my conversation with Edward and none of them asked. We were all walking on eggshells waiting. For Emily she was the most used to new wolves joining the pack as she was around for every member, for me I had been present for every wolf after Jacob. For Rachel she came back after Collin and Brady joined and even after Victoria attacked for the first time, this was all new and I could see the tension and apprehension rolling off her.

When the time for dinner neared Emily popped up from her position on the couch and marched to the kitchen and began nosily banging pots and pans around. I didn't know if she was making anything or if she had just decided to rearrange the Black's kitchen to keep her busy so I decided to investigate. Making sure Seth was watching the girls I stood and walked the short distance to see that Emily had torn the kitchen apart. The contents of several cupboards were strewn across the floor of the kitchen and she was currently buried in the fridge pulling several items out. The sight would have been laughable if I didn't know she was doing to distract herself.

"Emily," I asked hesitantly, worried to break her groove.

"What…Oh, sorry, I came in here to make something for us to all eat and I went into the cupboard there and they had canned goods mixed with baking supplies and then I went to look for mixing bowls and they were on the other side of the kitchen so I decided to reorganize the kitchen so that everything is easy to find. And then while I was doing that I realized I still had to make something to eat so I was going through the fridge and I found all these expired items so I am now cleaning the fridge out." She spoke quickly and in one breath. When she finished she took a long and deep breath.

"Emily you don't need to do that, I'm sure when I move in I'll do it anyways and I'm sure the fridge has expired food because they've been having the majority of their meals at your place. Just relax, if you want to make dinner then you can do that but you don't need to do the rest."

"But Bella I have to do something, cooking isn't enough." She cried out desperately.

"Emily…what's wrong?" Even though I knew what was causing her quiet hysteria I didn't know why she was this upset over new wolves.

"There are new wolves Bella, two. That's twelve in the pack. That is four times larger than the last pack, three times larger than the largest recorded pack. This is bad. Do you know what this means? It means that what's coming is going to be bad and…and." She stopped as she quietly began crying. Seeing her like that caused a long ago memory to click in my head. I wanted to ask her something so I walked up to her, pulled her into a tight hug and then pulled back to drag her with me to the bathroom.

In the bathroom I turned the sink, shower and vent fan on. Once she shut the door I walked really close to her so I could whisper. I knew if I spoke at normal volume Seth could hear me and what I wanted to ask needed to stay out of the pack mind.

"Emily I want to ask you something?" I whispered into her ear. She just nodded at me questioningly.

I leaned in whispered my suspicion and her eyes widened with shock as tears slid down her eyes. All the panic that I had seen etching her face in the kitchen fell away as she smiled brightly as happy tears trickled out of her eyes as she nodded.

"How…h-h-how did you know?" She asked in a shocked whisper.

"Something about you looked strikingly familiar and something you said the other day just made everything click."

"You can't tell anyone." She begged.

"Why do you think I dragged you into the bathroom and turned all the water on? I knew you wouldn't want anyone to know if it was true. Your secret is safe with me. But don't wait too long or they will figure it out for themselves."

"I know."

"Let's go make some grub and clean up that kitchen." I said smiling and then turned to shut everything off.

We walked back into the kitchen where she began putting everything away and I looked through the fridge to find enough food to feed the wolves and the humans. I found enough food and pulled it out and placed it on the counter. Emily grabbed it and began preparing it. I left her to set the table and then went into the living room.

As the smells of Emily's cooking permeated the house Embry and Paul came in. Both stopping once they were inside lifting their noses and taking deep breaths. They then moved and plopped down on the couch on each side of Rachel who had yet to move.

"Man new wolves, this is weird. It will be good that we won't have two shifts with two wolves any more but I was just starting to enjoy the drama free pack and now who knows what will happen."Embry sighed.

"What do you mean?" I ask. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what he had to say.

"I mean everyone in the pack has seen every girl on the res. and now we've all see the girls so no drama filled imprinting can happen but now with two new wolves we welcome a whole new world of problems." He explained but I was now gripped in panic as I looked at my daughters on the floor in front of me. As much as I hated that Seth imprinted on Charlotte I had come to terms with it because I loved and trusted Seth and I believed nothing romantic would become of the imprint but these two new wolves were different. They had no familial bond to Jacob or me. What Embry said was true, at the moment all the wolves had looked at Juliana and hadn't imprinted, but that might not hold true for the new wolves and I didn't know them. I had already lost Charlotte to an imprint I don't think I could bare if I lost Juliana as well.

I knew I wasn't thinking very rationally at the moment but couldn't stop the track of my thoughts as panic took me. I stayed in that frame of mind as we waited for dinner to finish.

Emily walked out of the kitchen and I assumed she was going to call us to dinner when the front door opened and in walked Jared, Quil and Brady who moved to sit on the floor. Paul moved from his spot next to Rachel and sat in front of Rachel's legs and she bent over to wrap her arms around his shoulders resting her chin on his left shoulder leaning her head on his. I picked up Juliana and Seth picked up Charlotte to make more room for the wolves. Soon the front door opened and in walked Sam, Jacob and Leah. Jacob's eyes quickly searched for me and then he gave me a small smile and made his way to me.

"Emily, do you have enough for two more?" Sam asked from the doorway.

"Uh…yeah sure, just let me set two more settings." She replied and walked back into the kitchen.

"Hey Embry, could you pull out two more chairs and another table section from the hall closet?" Emily yelled out from the kitchen and Embry jumped to help.

Jacob pulled me and Juliana up and placed me in his lap. He bent around me and placed a kiss on Juliana's head and then one on mine. I relaxed into him but all of the tension that strung my spine tight didn't leave me.

"You ready to meet Adam and Lucas." He whispered into my ear. I pulled Juliana closer to my chest and turned slightly causing a curtain of my hair to fall over her head.

The front door and two man-boys walked into the room looking incredibly apprehensive. Their eyes scanned the room slowly. I was shaking in fear that they'd imprint on my baby girl and I could see Jacob in the corner of my eye give me a weird look.

Sam pulled Emily into his arms as she came out of the kitchen. Then Sam began introducing everyone in the room, it was then that I realized that every wolf with an imprint in the room had them near them.

When Sam introduced Charlotte to the boys Seth turned her so that they could see her. My shaking grew worse. As Sam pointed Juliana out I couldn't take it and jumped and sprinted out of the room, Juliana clutched close to my chest, and ran into Rachel's room because I knew Jacob's was out of commission.

I sat on her bed and just breathed more heavily as my heart raced. I couldn't understand where this mind numbing panic was coming from. I know I reacted badly when Seth imprinted on Charlotte but it had less to with Seth and the imprint and more to do with my fears about Jacob. I was near tears and soon enough Juliana picked up on my raging emotions and started crying. I stood and started comforting her and myself.

"Its okay baby girl, everything is going to be okay." I said as I bounced her up and down against my chest.

The door of the room and Jacob walked in with his brows furrowed and a pacifier in his hand. He walked up to me, gave Juliana the pacifier and attempted to take her from me. When I whimpered he immediately pulled his hand away from her worry filling his eyes. When I met his eyes I realized where my panic was coming from and the conversation I had earlier with Paul came to mind.

"Bells honey, what's wrong? Why…Paul says that I need to talk to you, that there is a reason you are acting like this. Are you afraid of Adam and Lucas?"

"Jake there is something that I need to tell you, something I should have told you a while ago." I said as I moved back to sit on the bed. "You're going to want to sit down for this." I whispered. He sat down next to me and pulled my hand into his.

"Paul when I tell Jacob you can relay what you know to Emily and Billy who won't be able to hear." I said because I knew all the wolves would hear what I was going to tell Jacob and I wanted the others who didn't know to understand what was going on.

"Bella what's going on, what does Paul know?" He asked his voice was thick.

"I know we haven't talked a lot about what it was like for me in California and I have talked a lot about my pregnancy or the…delivery. There is a reason for that. Paul and Rachel know that reason. The first day you watched the girls by yourself…when I came to pick them up me and Paul got into a row and I told him things I have trouble even thinking about. I was scared what you would think about me if you found out so I asked Sam to order Paul not to think about it or be able to tell anyone. I now I should have told you because it is something you should've known from the beginning. I was just afraid that you would hate me when you found out and we weren't at a place where I could take you hating me."

"That's your and Paul's understanding isn't it?" He asked, his voice held some anger in it.

"Yes, I guess it allowed him to see me in a different light then the leech-lover."

"What do you have to tell me?"

"It's about Juliana and the day she was born." I began.

**A/N2: **Sorry this is out later than the date I said in last chapter, I was looking at the wrong month when I gave you the date. I am also sorry that I haven't been sticking to the schedule I originally told you, I am trying my hardest but these next few chapters may break that because I am setting up a lot of future events and I have to make sure I don't leave plot holes. This is now the longest chapter I've written. The Edward/Bella conversation didn't go the way I originally planned but I like it better. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and read the last chapter as well as has continued to follow this story. I love the responses you leave me; they inspire me to keep working hard. Thank you to everyone who has set this story for alerts and favorites. Please let me know what you think of the chapter. Also I have a quick question, do you want me to write Bella telling Jacob or just skim over it. Let me know either in a review or in a PM.


	26. Baby Alpha Miracle

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it.

**A/N: **Thank you so much to SMI4Life/Iamthemoonandyouaremysun for beta'ing this chapter. I can't say enough how much her help means to me. She is a wonderful bouncing board and support. You should go check out her stories on the Easy As Breathing ning site. It is a great Jacob/Bella site with some amazing stories and great support.

Ch. 26

Baby Alpha Miracle

I looked at him as I told him the only way I knew I'd make it through. I steeled my spine took a deep breath and prepared to shake his world.

"I went into labor early. I had been warned by my doctor that because this was my first pregnancy and I was carrying multiples that I would possibly go that early. The girls weren't quite thirty-five weeks; I knew that them being that early meant there could be complications so I was worried. It didn't help that my water broke while I was at work and I was increasingly stressed because of that.

"I was in labor for a long time. I think I was told twenty-eight hours. I'm not a hundred percent sure because those first two days are really fuzzy now. I pushed and pushed until finally I was making progress and Juliana finally came into the world. There was a complication. She was born with underdeveloped lungs so for the first four minutes of her life she did not take one single breath. The doctors and nurses worked incredibly hard to get her breathing. They pumped steroids in her to jumpstart her lungs. After her first breaths on her own, they put a breathing tube in her for the first two days of her life and then on oxygen on a nasal cannula for four more days. She spent a week and a half in the hospital. Because she didn't breathe for the first four minutes, she is at risk for several diseases including RSV and if she gets anything as simple as a cold she could easily develop pneumonia." I know I sounded clinical and removed but I don't think I could have told him how I had told Paul. I would have broken down. He needed to know the facts and I had to make sure he knew them. When I finished speaking, I looked at him through my curtain of hair. He was just staring at Juliana with wide tear-filled eyes.

"What about Lottie?" He asked in barely a whisper but I could hear the thickness in it.

"Lottie came out six minutes after Jules, screaming like she was crying for the both of them. She's perfectly fine, healthy as a horse." I whispered back, still not meeting his eyes as tears fought their way out of my own.

"Bells, what aren't you telling me? You sound so detached, clinical, like you're reading from a script, so what are you trying to hide?" His voice was straining and he continued to stare at Juliana.

"I can't…if I…you need to know and if I tell you any other way than how I am I'll…I just can't, Jake, it's too hard." I was fighting the memories; the images that ran through my head were tearing at my soul.

"But you told Paul." It wasn't a question.

"I did, we were arguing and he had made me so angry. Angry enough to get most of it out without breaking down and he wasn't you. I'm not holding anything back from you. I'm giving you all the facts, everything you need to know. I promise."

"You're hiding something. I know you, Bella; I can see it in your refusal to look at me and the way you sound." His voice had grown hard and I knew I made him angry.

"I don't want you to hate me," I strangled out in a whisper.

"Why would I hate you Bella?" He asked softly, all his anger seemed to be gone. But I couldn't tell him, I couldn't tell him our daughter almost died because of errors I made.

"Fine, if you won't tell me I'll go to the source," he snapped, stood and walked out of the room.

"Paul, get your ass out to the woods and phase!" Jacob boomed and then I could hear the front door slamming. Seconds later, I could hear it close.

I knew it was irrational of me to hope that Jacob never saw what I said that day. But I did; I hoped neither he nor any other member of the pack would witness the outpouring I had that horrible day. So as I sat on Rachel's bed clutching my daughter tightly to my chest, I knew Jacob was going to see every gory detail and I feared he'd hate me. I had failed in carrying our children safely. In acting the way I did, I endangered their lives and nearly cost my eldest her life.

But even as I feared him hating me, I knew he never would or could. I had left him for over six months and he had to try to force himself to hate me and he said he couldn't so I knew he wouldn't hate me over this. Deep down I knew it wasn't even my fault. Hundreds of thousands of babies were born every year in the same condition and it wasn't their mother's faults but reason and logic couldn't seem to reach me when I remembered the agonizing day. What was worse was not that he'd hate me; it was that he'd find a way to blame himself.

So I sat alone with my daughter in the ever darkening room when I heard someone stop at the door way. I didn't look up; I just kept staring at the pattern on the wall.

"Why didn't you tell him everything you told to Paul that day, Bella?" Rachel asked, her voice soft.

"Because he didn't need to know how bad it was for me, it would do nothing. I deserved all the pain I went through alone that day because I chose to do it alone, all he needed was the facts."

"Bella, you can't protect him from your pain. He may only need the facts but he wants everything and I think he deserves it. You can't keep these things from him, he's your partner. That means you two know the good, the bad and the ugly."

"I know," I whimpered out, understanding her admonishing tone. She moved from the doorway and sat next to me. A moment later, I sensed another presence at the doorway and looked up. Emily smiled sadly and then moved to sit on the other side of me.

"I'd ask if you were okay, but I know you're not…why didn't you tell anyone…why Paul for that matter?" She asked, somewhat amused that I had confessed to Paul.

"I didn't want to tell anyone but he pissed me off, pushed all the wrong buttons that day and I went off without my filter in place," I replied.

"Yeah, he seems to do that quite easily, except lately, and I think now I know the reason for that." She bumped my shoulder lightly as to not jostle Juliana. "Why didn't you tell anyone? Why keep it a secret?"

"I have been living with this since the moment she was born. I wake up every day with the knowledge that a simple cold could eventually kill her. I worry every night that she will quit breathing. I don't get to escape it, it's always there, ever present and oppressing. Being back here with everyone…all of you are happy about the girls, and were optimistic about everything because you didn't know. I could relax around you all and just for a moment, pretend it didn't exist. I could just enjoy being their mom without this domineering worry. If you all knew then I couldn't live through your ignorance. I could push my fears back a little farther. I could escape reality and my fears for a little while and I ate it up," I reasoned and then placed a kiss on the top of Juliana's forehead. I took a deep breath of her scent. It was balm to my nerves, reminding me she was real, safe and alive.

"Don't keep things like this from us. You shouldn't have to go through any of this alone. I know I wouldn't want to. And I know you wouldn't want me to," Emily said softly. I knew what she was alluding to and I knew she was right. I opened my mouth to respond but another someone spoke from the doorway.

"Can you two give us a moment alone? The guys are itching to eat and if you want anything you better get out there before they attack the food," Jacob spoke softly and thickly. I could hear the pain in his voice.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see his eyes; the eyes I could read so easily. I could barely bear to hear it in his voice; I couldn't stand to see it in his eyes. I hated hurting him. I had hurt him enough for several lifetimes and I didn't want to do it anymore.

I heard the door close and then I heard music turn on in the living room. It was the pack's attempt at giving us privacy even though I knew they'd still hear us. I didn't hear him as he approached so it surprised me a little when I felt him in front of me. I didn't open my eyes to look up at him; I just dropped my head in submission and apology.

I jumped when I felt him lay his head in my lap and wrap his arms around my hips. He was quiet and I remained silent, waiting for him to speak. When he didn't, I finally plucked up the courage.

"I'm sorry," I spoke softly. I looked down on him, waiting for him to look at me to know he forgave me. He still didn't speak or move so I continued.

"I'm sorry I failed her and you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I don't want to hurt you." At this, he slowly looked up at me. His eyes were puffy and I could see a myriad of emotions in them. Then he dropped his eyes to the little girl in my arms. He paused for a brief second and then brought his hands up to hold her. I let her go, knowing that he needed to hold her to know she was okay. He moved and was then sitting next to me, cradling Juliana in his arms.

"Why do you think you failed me?"

"Because it was my job to bring our children into the world healthy and thriving and I nearly got her killed," I choked out as memories of that morning flooded me.

"Bella, by what I saw in Paul's memory and by the way you explained it to me, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. They were probably just ready to come; I mean you said Charlotte was born healthy. I believe that once labor reaches a certain point there is no stopping it. Lottie wanted to come whether Jules was ready or not but it had nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. Labor is natural and there was nothing you could have done to stop it. You are not at fault for her health." He stared into my eyes, trying to get me to believe what he was saying was true. That I shouldn't feel guilt for her health, but I am her mother, how could I not feel guilty?

"I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for you that day or the weeks after."

"Don't, Jake. You can't feel sorry when I chose to leave and do that all by myself. It is my own fault that I delivered alone and went through all of that alone. I know that if you had known you would have been there to hold my hand and keep me sane but I chose not to have you there."

"I still don't like to see you suffer this alone, and I wish you had shared it sooner. I can see you carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders if it lifted any stress or worry off me, but honey, I want…no I need to share that stuff with you."

"Okay," I said.

"So is there anything else that I need to know? Jules is okay, or…" He drifted off, not knowing what to ask.

"Jules is okay. She eats as much as Lottie and she has gained almost the same amount of weight. We just have to pay attention to her breathing. If it gets raspy or shallow then we have to bring her to the hospital. If she or Lottie come down with a cold or get a fever, we have to watch her carefully and possibly bring her in." He looked down at his daughter and then placed dozens of gentle barely there kisses all over her head and face.

"Four minutes," He whispered as he looked at me.

"Four minutes without one breath," I said around the large lump forming in my throat making it hard to breathe.

"She should be dead, shouldn't she?" He asked, his voice cracking on 'dead' and falling to a whisper after almost unable to believe he was saying it. Though he had asked it, it sounded more like a statement. He placed a lingering kiss on her forehead and took a deep breath as his tears fell down his face onto our daughter. I broke, sobs falling from my mouth and I curled up. This was something I never let myself think about. I didn't let myself think about one of the first things the doctor had told me after I was safely out of delivery and I was updated on her status, an hour before they even let me see her.

"T…They…s-s-said…that…s-she…that it's…t-th-that she…is a …miracle," I sobbed out into my knees. I wasn't even sure I made any sense.

I felt myself being lifted and looked up. Jacob had shifted Juliana onto his other shoulder and pulled me into his lap. I rested my head into the crook of his neck and cried silent tears.

"This is why you were reluctant to…," he paused and took a deep shaky breath, "…why you didn't want me to have them alone over night. She was sick and that's what the doctor's appointment was for, wasn't it? It's partially the reason you freaked out so badly when Seth imprinted and why you ran out of the room when Adam and Lucas came in isn't it?" He asked, his voice soft but pained. I just nodded against his neck.

"Can you explain what you were thinking, baby?" He asked as he ran his hand up and down my back.

"It's just that she fought so hard to stay in this world and she is going to fight so much more and I don't want to lose her when she barely held on. I'm so afraid all the time that she's going to be taken away so I freak out easily with her. I don't want to lose her even to an imprint so I freaked out when Seth imprinted and I ran out of the room today to prevent one of them from imprinting on her. I'm okay with Seth's imprint because I truly believe it will never be romantic and because I love and trust Seth. I don't know those boys and I don't think I could ever trust them with her like I do him."

"You know, if either of them is going to imprint on her there is no way for you to stop it."

"I know, I just…," I stopped, not sure what to say.

"You don't want her to be imprinted on; you want her to be free," he supplemented for me.

"Yeah," I said sadly.

"Well, avoiding them isn't going to help you either. She may be free for the moment but you can't hide her from them forever and who knows, they might not even imprint on her."

"But she's Lottie's identical twin, their DNA is the same, so why would one and not the other?" I tried to reason my fear with him. The tears had finally dried up and was close to breathing normally again.

"You've thought a lot about this haven't you?"

I snorted indelicately. "When have you ever known me not to over think anything?"

"How very right you are," he replied dryly. "So, any other secrets you have weighing down those tiny little shoulders of yours?"

"Nope, all secreted out."

"Are you getting hungry? I know it's getting way past her meal time because they already fed Lottie. You want to head out there?" He asked softly. I didn't really want to go out there after they had heard me and the truth but I needed to apologize to everyone and Adam and Lucas the most.

"Yeah, I have to make a few apologies." I slowly climbed off his lap and stood. He followed me and then took my hand. I followed behind him as we left Rachel's room and walked through the hall into the living room. I was completely in his shadow as we entered the room but I could feel the silence as it descended on the room. I swallowed my embarrassment, shame and fear and stepped around Jacob to see a room full of sad eyes. I searched until I found the first two pairs I needed to apologize to.

"Paul, Rachel, I am so sorry I made you carry that secret. I was wrong to keep it from Jacob and ask you both to do it as well." I then searched for the next person I had to apologize to.

"Sam, I'm sorry I also involved you in this. Even though you didn't know what it was about, I shouldn't have used you or your authority over the pack the way I did. You have been an amazing friend and brother to me and I used you when I shouldn't have, I'm so very sorry." I searched then for the two unfamiliar faces I would have to come to learn. When I made eye contact, they looked down shyly.

"Lucas, Adam, I really must apologize to you as well, maybe even the most. You did nothing wrong and I probably freaked you out with what looked like my reaction to you, when my reaction had nothing to do with you at all. I'm sure this new development in your life is scary and traumatic, and the way I acted probably didn't make you feel any more comfortable in your new skin. I am sorry if my reaction upset you but in no way did it reflect on either of you. I'm going to try very hard to get to know you and make you feel welcome."

"To all of you," I said as I looked at everyone in the room. "I'm sorry that I have acted so deceitfully in keeping something from you, which you would have wanted to know, to which you should have been informed. These two girls are your family and you all had a right to know about the risks Jules could face down the road so that it is not a surprise. I know you love them and want to protect them but in keeping the truth from you, I was preventing that. I'm just so sorry," I finished with a heaving sigh.

"I'm sorry you carried all that by yourself, Bella dear. I know you don't like to share your burdens and that you care for others before you care for yourself or let others care for you, but we are all your family and it is our job to care for you. You carry enough responsibility and with that, too much worry for one young woman and it is our job to share that with you. You just have to let us," Billy spoke softly with kind and sad eyes from across the room. I paused to comment when Emily spoke up.

"I know you are going to say that you have been letting us take care of you and you are right but it took a hospital stay and a broken arm for that to happen. Otherwise, you'd still be trying to do everything," she said as she raised her eyebrow, just daring me to disagree.

"I hate that you all know me so well," I muttered with a pout. Many laughed.

"So, she's okay, right? I mean, I heard you tell Jake she is…but she's not sick or anything?" Embry asked.

"She's nearly as healthy as Lottie. She weighs a little less than her but the doctor assures me that in time she will catch up to her. It's not that she is sick now, it is that if she were to become ill, it could quickly deteriorate into dangerous territory," I told the room. Their faces were all somber.

"Adam, Lucas, I have someone I would like you to meet. This is Jacob's and my eldest Juliana," I said as I moved to pull her from Jacob's arms and walked her over to the two shy young men. I held my breath as they both looked at her and smiled.

I breathed one of the biggest sighs of relief as I realized they didn't imprint. I felt Jacob come from behind me, pull me into his chest and then wrap his arms around me.

"See? Nothing at all to worry about," he whispered and placed a kiss to my temple.

"Bella, you were worried that Jules would be imprinted on?" Billy asked with furrowed brows. I could tell he was heavy in thought.

"Uh, yeah, I guess I figured it would happen since Lottie was imprinted on because they shared the same DNA and all," I replied.

"I've been thinking about that since you told me about Lottie and I don't think Jules will be imprinted on," Billy informed. At that, both Jacob and I sputtered in shock. I tried to respond but all that came out was incoherent muttering. Billy just smiled and waited for me to quiet down.

"Juliana and Charlotte are not the first set of twins in the pack. When Lottie was imprinted on, I started thinking why Jules hadn't been. I know not all wolves imprint, but I, like you, figured that them sharing identical DNA would mean that they'd both be imprinted on. That was until I looked at the other set of twins. Rachel was imprinted on while Rebecca wasn't. I know Sam, Jacob and I all expected that to happen last summer when she visited, it didn't and I didn't think much of it at the time. Now that the youngest twin in each set is imprinted on, it brings to question why the older wasn't.

"Here is my theory. When Rebecca was born first, she effectively became my heir not just in legal terms but also in the alpha bloodline. Had the wolves not phased in this generation and had Jacob not been born, it would have been her children that would have carried the line. Being the one to pass the line down, I believe, prevented her from being imprinted on. When Jacob was born, he became my legal and alpha heir taking the place of his sister. But, she was still the eldest and had already been removed from being imprinted on. The same goes for Juliana and Charlotte. Juliana is your eldest, your heir, preventing her from being imprinted on. If she were to become a wolf she would be the one to imprint." He finished his statement and I relaxed completely into Jake. The tension that had turned my spine steel hard when I walked out of the bedroom was released the moment I truly believed that Juliana would be free to choose her own destiny and that she wouldn't be taken by a supernatural bond.

"Okay, now that we got that covered, I gotta feed my girls," Jake said from behind me as he gently pushed me towards the kitchen. He pushed me into a kitchen chair and went to the counter to grab the bottle sitting there, turned to hand it to me and then reached for a plate and filled it. He brought it back to the table and set it in front of me, reaching for Juliana to feed her while I ate.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked. I had seen him every night without fail and now he was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, when we told Sue that you were taking with Cullen today, she decided that it would be best to keep Charlie away until you could explain it yourself. Then Adam and Lucas phased and we decided it'd be best to keep him away for the day. He and Sue are having supper at the diner," Jake told me.

After both Juliana and I finished eating, Seth brought Charlotte into the room and placed her in my arms, saying that he had to head home to get a few hours of sleep before his night patrol began. Soon after, the rest of the wolves cleared out, all going their separate directions. All that were left in the house were Sam, Emily, Rachel, Paul, Billy, Jake, the girls and I. After ten or fifteen minutes of quiet chatter between the wolves and Billy, I gave an impressively long yawn. Jake and I packed the girls up into their car seats as both had fallen asleep a few minutes earlier.

Sam left for patrol as Emily, Jake and I walked back to the Uley house. Before he ran into the woods, Sam gave Jake his night shift off so that he could spend the whole evening with me and the girls. As I walked into my room, I was close to dead on my feet. Jake helped me change into my pajamas. I pulled Charlotte out of her carrier as Jake pulled Juliana out of hers. I was walking to put her into the crib when he spoke.

"Uh, Bells, would it be okay if they slept in the bed with us tonight? I'd feel better knowing they were close," he said quietly as he looked at his daughter in his arms, as if he never wanted her to leave the safety of his embrace.

"I…it's…," I paused as I stared at him. I knew it wasn't the best idea to have the girls in bed with us. Either of us could so easily roll over but I couldn't say no to that look on his face. "Okay, just no rolling." A large smile broke his face at that and he walked to the bed to make room for the four of us.

After adjusting pillows, he helped me into bed so that I had Charlotte next to me and then he laid Juliana next to her and climbed in himself. I laid half on my back and half on my side facing Jacob and he did the same facing me. Our girls slept peacefully, surrounded by our warmth. Jacob just stared at them, much like he had the night he met them. His eyes were full of love, adoration and hope and they never left the girls as he relaxed into sleep. I watched him and the girls sleep for a while longer until I too gave into slumber, at peace with my hand in Jacob's, lightly resting between our girls.

With the girls in the bed, I slept lightly and fitfully. So after they had woken for their first evening feeding and changing, I put them in the crib. The incessant fear that I'd roll onto them kept me from sleeping deep enough to really get any rest, plus I knew I'd sleep better with Jacob wrapped around me. With the girls safely asleep in their crib and me secure in Jacob's arms, I slept deeply until the next feeding.

I climbed out of the bed in the morning, already knowing Jake would probably be on patrol. Both girls lay awake in their crib staring contentedly at their mobile when I came to pick them up. I picked Charlotte up first, as she was closest to me, and walked to put her into the carrier in the living room and then turned around to get Juliana and do the same.

I marched into the kitchen and fixed their bottles. I noticed Emily already had breakfast done but she wasn't in the kitchen. While I fed the girls, I realized why. The unmistakable sounds were echoed from the bathroom. I knew she wanted to keep this from the pack and Sam for a while but if any one of them heard her, then the jig would be up.

She walked out of the bathroom and then caught eyes with me. She lightly blushed and I just laughed.

"I see it's started early for you. Have fun with that because it was hell for me while I had it. By the way, how far along are you?"

"I'm looking forward to it all," she supplied happily. "I think I'm about six to eight weeks but I have yet to go to the doctor to confirm."

"So what set you off?" I ask curious.

"The eggs, ugh, I don't even think I can walk into the kitchen until they are gone."

"Is anyone else coming for breakfast?"

"Yeah. Jake said before he left that a few members of the pack were coming."

Just as she said that, Leah, Seth and either Adam or Lucas walked into the house, quickly finding chairs at the table.

"Why don't you finish feeding them and I'll go deal with the eggs?" She nodded and moved to take the bottles from me.

"Hey guys," I called out as I walked into the dining area. "Not to sound rude, but I didn't get to learn both faces and names last night, so are you Adam or Lucas?" I asked, embarrassed.

"Oh, that's okay. I'm Adam."

"Yeah, he's my shadow for the day. He gets to hang out with me all day today so I can keep an eye on him," Seth called out.

I fixed three plates and brought the first one in. I set it in front of Leah and turned to walk out of the room to get the next.

"You didn't need to do that. I could have gotten my own, I just didn't know if all the food was done," she said but I could see in her eyes she hadn't gone into the kitchen because she believed Emily was in there.

"That's fine, I don't mind. You guys all work so hard, the least I can do is fix you a plate for breakfast." I returned with a plate for Adam and then went to get Seth's. Once they all had a plate, I got some breakfast for myself and sat down to join them.

Ten minutes into the meal, both Rachel and Paul sauntered in and headed to the kitchen to grab a plate. Once everyone was done eating, I grabbed all the plates and silverware and put them in the sink. I turned off all the burners on the stove and threw the little bit of eggs that were left in the trash before soaking the pan. Emily came in carrying Juliana and I saw that Seth had left the table, no doubt going to get Charlotte.

"How's little Lottie this morning? Did you sleep well?" He cooed to her as he walked back, carrying her into the room. I saw through the corner of my eye Leah roll hers.

We all chatted idly for the next hour or so. Leah avoided conversation with Emily, Rachel and I and only spoke when asked a question. She looked uncomfortable and I wasn't quite sure why she was still here. Normally, if she ate here she was out as soon as she swallowed her last bite. I knew she had just gotten off shift but I would have thought she would have gone home already.

Just before eleven rolled around, Emily had gotten up to start on lunch. I held Juliana for a while until Adam asked to hold her. Now that I knew he hadn't imprinted on her, I was more than okay with him holding her. I showed him how to hold her safely and returned to my seat. I watched as he did the same thing the other wolves had done the day of their party, the weird connection thing they created as they stared into the eyes of my daughter.

Immediately before I knew when Jake was going to be getting off patrol, Emily and Rachel pulled me into the kitchen.

"What's going on you two?" I asked, curious at their shared look of mischief.

"Well, we were talking yesterday while you were chatting with the bloodsucker," I didn't correct her; I had learned long ago that I would never get any of them to stop calling any of the Cullens such names. "I know it's been a while since you've had any time alone with Jacob. What with the pack and Charlie around all the time not to mention the girls, you guys haven't had time to just be you two. You're newly imprinted and you've had one day alone to enjoy it. I know Sam gave you crap yesterday about the girls cockblocking you but I know for a fact that Jake's wolf is probably going insane right about now. So, we are taking the girls for the day and you are going to spend the afternoon with your man," Emily said firmly.

"I…thanks, you don't have to," I tried to protest, but it sounded lame even to my own ears.

"Can it, woman. My brother needs some alone time and so do you. Please take this before you both go crazy," Rachel insisted. I gave in with a nod and they went back to working on lunch.

I tried to help by carefully pulling dishes from the cupboard to set the table with. Just as I was about to pick up the stack of plates, large warm hands secured themselves on each side of me and pulled me back firmly into a hot and hard torso. Soon enough, the hair laying over my shoulder was nuzzled back.

"Hey beautiful," was breathed over the surface of my neck causing me to shiver. His answering chuckle let me know he knew the effect he was having on me. I was going to make a comment but it was cut off as he placed scorching hot kisses up the column of my neck and then he bit lightly on the little spot under my ear. I was biting my cheeks in an effort to keep all the sounds I was trying to make in.

"Cut that out, Jake. I don't need to see my baby brother trying to get all hot and heavy. I think I've lost my appetite for the next couple days now." She gave a shiver of disgust.

"Now, go feed your children," she ordered as she shoved two freshly made bottles at him.

"Sure thing, sis," he called out as he walked out of the room.

I brought the plates out and set the table as Embry and Lucas walked in through the door. They both stopped to look for seats. While Embry's eyes were scanning the room they fell on Leah. For an instant, his eyes changed and softened; the look that fell upon his face shocked me but before I had time to truly analyze it, it was gone, replaced with controlled blankness. My eyes quickly traveled to Leah but she looked the same. Both Embry and Lucas found the last seats at the table.

I knew as soon as I saw it I was seeing something he didn't let anyone see. Something he buried deep within. How long had he been feeling like this but not allowing anyone to see? How long had I been ignorant of him looking at her the way he had? I shook off the question because I knew they weren't going to get answered now or anytime soon. Embry wanted to keep this a secret and so I'd keep it until I had the chance to talk to him in private.

I sat on Jake's lap and watched as Adam and Seth fed the girls. I knew Jake and I were given the day off so I tried to find a way to get him to come with me without the entire room knowing what we were doing.

"Jake, could you come help me find one of the girls' toys that are in your garage?" I asked.

"Sure, sure," he agreed, laying a kiss to the back of my head.

After lunch was finished, Jake helped me change out of my pajamas and into a comfortable pair of shorts and a tank. Then we walked to the garage.

"What are you looking for, Bells?" He asked as I walked through the stacks of boxes and furniture that filled the garage towards the back and my destination.

"It's one of the toys that I got for them for when they started lifting their heads up more. It's raised up on legs and has little jungle animals all over it," I called out.

When he reached me, I grabbed his hand in mine and walked him over to the couch and pushed him down to sit. He complied with a quirked brow. I settled into his lap, straddling him. His hands automatically went to rest on my hips.

"Bella, I thought…"

"Well, you thought wrong," I whispered quietly and leaned in to place kisses up his neck, along his jaw and finally took his bottom lip in between my own. I kissed him slowly with small closed mouth kisses. With each press of my lips to his, I drew out the time we were connected. As I kissed him, I drew my good hand and the tips of my fingers of the other down and around his chest, relearning every rise and fall, every inch of his tightly bound muscles.

He groaned. I could tell he was getting frustrated because every time I pulled just a little bit away, he growled, making both of us tremble. Just as I gave him another small kiss, this time lips parted, he acted. He pulled my hips flush with his and pried my mouth completely open with his lips and tongue. Delving in deeply, he took control of my tongue as his curled around mine and I clutched at his chest, digging my nails in.

His hands slowly rose in burning paths up my sides and under my shirt. As he reached the underside of my breasts, I started to pull away and sat back onto his thighs. In my movements, I felt him hot and hard beneath me. I ground into him once before settling.

"Bells," he growled out in exasperation and tried to pull me back to him but I pushed back against him and shook my head.

"You got to pleasure me last time, you took care of me. It's my turn this time. Now, are you going to let me?" I asked as I scooted off of his legs and fell in between them.

"Mhmm," was his only response and he closed his eyes. I leaned forward and began to kiss his chest. In this position, I couldn't reach very high but continued to lave wet open mouth kisses across his collar bone and then down until I reached his right nipple. I ran my tongue around the little brown nub until it was hard and then pulled it between my lips and sucked it between my teeth. I bit down and then licked to soothe my bite. I snaked my hand down between us and stroked him lightly through the rough fabric of his cutoffs.

"Bells," he sighed and ran one of his hands through the strands of my hair while the other was pulling on the back of my shirt, raising it inch by inch.

I stopped my actions and pulled it over my head and threw it behind me. I heard it land on a box as I returned to his chest. This time, I gave attention to the other already very hard nipple, still stroking him. I slowly moved down his abdomen, licking and kissing every ridge and valley.

I reached the waistline of his shorts and ran my tongue along the edge. I could feel him panting above me as he reached down and ran his hands through my hair and across my upper back and shoulders, causing electricity to race through my veins.

I pulled back enough so that I could unfasten the button to his pants. He raised his hips as I kissed and nipped at his hip. He then helped me free him from the restrains of the tight denim. He sprang free and I knew that I would never tire of seeing him ready and wanting me.

I freed the shorts from his feet and flung them in the direction of my shirt. I ran my good hand up and down his left thigh and I licked and kissed up his right. I was no longer gentle as I made my way to my destination. I was marking him as mine as I bit and sucked the skin of his inner thighs. I could hear him panting and moaning the higher I climbed while also speaking intelligible words. When I was within breathing distance of his beautiful glistening manhood, I ran my nose and lips to his deep cavernous V and scratched down his thigh with my nail. I kissed around where he was then bucking to get me closer to.

"God, honey, baby, please," his strained voice pleaded as he fisted my hair and threaded his fingers to pull me to him.

I looked up at him as I positioned myself over him. He was boring into me with dark pleading eyes. There were dozens of emotions shining in those deep pools and they all made my blood boil with need. I leaned forward, never breaking eye contact and blew a hot breath down the length of him before sticking my pointed tongue out to lick up his length. His eyes rolled back with a moan and closed.

I rolled my tongue around the tip of him, collecting all of the pearlescent fluid. I couldn't stop the moan that fell from my lips at the taste of him. I took him into my mouth slowly, making sure to firmly press against the vein on the underside of him. I went down until I was unable to take any more of him in. And because it's been a while since I've last done this, it's not much. I grasped the base and stroked what I couldn't reach as I hollowed my cheeks and pulled him out. I started a good rhythm and he helped by guiding my head with the hand in my hair.

I was taking more and more of him with each pass, stopping the rhythm to twirl my tongue around the head and then sucking just that in. I continued the rhythm I had, paused once and then began to speed up my actions. I quit stroking him and he whimpered but stopped when I took his orbs into my hand and lightly massaged them.

With a "Christ, you're killing me, baby," he pulled me from him and placed me astride his lap to attack my mouth. He tried to posses every portion his tongue could reach and ran his hands up and down the expanse of my back and then around to my front, taking each breast into his hands to roll and pinch the nipples.

"Too many clothes," he ordered as one of his hands dropped to undo the snap. I climbed out of his lap to stand. He shoved my shorts and panties down roughly. The moment they reached the ground and one of my feet was out of a leg, he lifted me up and planted me back into his lap, taking my mouth back. His left hand trailed down my side as his right took my nipple into his fingers again. His mouth descended from mine to take in the skin of my neck and shoulder. His left hand ran several tracks up and down my thigh before he cupped my waiting mound. He sank two fingers into me and I squeaked in response to the forceful intrusion.

I felt his lips as they took my hardened nipple into his mouth. He began feasting on it as if he was starving while he was stretching and pleasuring me below.

"Jake, please," I begged breathlessly.

He turned and laid on his back across the length of the couch, settling me over him. With his hands on my hips, he placed me over him. I dropped my hand between us and grasped him so I could sink down. We both groaned in satisfaction as I dropped down to take him in. I paused a moment to adjust before I rolled my hips over him. I leaned forward and placed my good hand on his chest for balance as I increased my movements. He rested his hands on my hips a moment before he slid them up my body to my breasts.

The pleasure and pressure was indescribable and I knew I could never go a week without this. The connection between us was crackling with energy and it was pulling me under and suspending me all at the same time. It didn't take long before I could feel the wave rise higher and higher and by the sounds he was making and the firm hold he had over my ass, he wasn't much farther behind me.

The thumb of one hand snaked down to where we are joined and began to roll my nub, causing me to crash with a scream. My thighs were shaking and were searching for something to cling to but had nothing really to hold. Jacob took a hold of my hips to lift me a little and began to piston into me, causing me to grunt. He hadn't let up on the pressure and movement on my nub and soon enough, I was falling under the pressures of another wave of release, this one taking him with me.

I collapsed onto his chest, panting for breath. I felt like jello and couldn't find it in me to move. He moved his hips and pulled out of me. I could feel him slide and at that moment, reality crashed down harshly and I jumped away from him.

I was shaking as I searched quickly for my panties and shorts. I got my panties on and was in the process of pulling up my shorts when Jake's hot hand grasped my wrist to halt my movement. The tears were welling up and I was fighting hysteria.

"Bells, baby, what's wrong? Why are you shaking? Fuck, did I hurt you?" His voice was rising with every question.

"I'm an idiot, so stupid, so stupid," I repeated over and over. I reached around for my shirt. My Jake's hand still on my wrist stopped me. I could feel the tears streaming down my face. He pulled me down next to him and tucked me under his arm.

"Bella, you are not stupid. Now, please tell me what's wrong?"

"I…we…how could I not…damn it…I'm so stupid. Didn't I learn anything?" I said, more to myself than him. I was lost in my head. I had no days to count by but I knew it should be soon and that caused me to freak out more. We weren't ready before but there was no way we could handle more now.

"Bella, goddamn it, breathe and tell me what the fuck is going on," he yelled as he shook me lightly, snapping me out of my hysteria.

"We didn't use protection," I cried out. He stilled.

"Shit…fuck…I'm sorry…do you know where you are in your cycle?" He asks in barely a whisper.

"I don't know. I haven't had one since I got pregnant but I know it was supposed to start soon and with me finishing breast feeding, I figured it'd start sooner."

"Okay, here is what we're going to do. Today is Sunday so the pharmacy is closed. Tomorrow, we are going to go get you the morning after pill and then maybe you should make an appointment with the doctor to get on birth control. Everything is going to be okay, I promise," he says without a hint of worry in his voice.

"Okay," I said, believing him, and I relaxed into his side.

"Let's finish getting dressed and let's spend the day with the girls. How's that sound?" He asked as he stood and grabbed his shorts and my shirt. He put his shorts back on and walked back to me. He stopped in front of me and finished pulling my shorts up, zipping and snapping them. He then pulled my shirt over my head and then brought his hands up to cup my cheeks and wiped the remaining tears on my face.

"Now, where is this toy you were looking for?" He asked as he moved to open the first box near him.

"I...uh…kinda made that up. There really wasn't a toy I was looking for," I said sheepishly.

"So, you just brought me here to seduce me?" He asked in mock outrage.

"You caught me," I attempted to joke with him but we both knew it sounded sad.

"Well, we gotta find something or the boys are going to give you shit for days."

He looked through several boxes and found the toys, pulling out a few he found interesting. We walked back to Emily's solemnly. The reality of what we did scared the crap out of me and I just wanted tomorrow to get there so I could take the pill and not have to worry about this as well.

We got to the house, he dropped the toys in the living room and we walked into the bathroom to shower. We both ignored the smiles that dropped when they saw our expressions. I didn't- and I was sure he didn't either- want to explain what was wrong.

After our shower, we packed up the girls and the diaper bag and headed to the beach with Emily, Rachel, Kim and any wolves that weren't on patrol or resting. I relaxed and ignored the giant pink elephant that spent the day following me around. Jake didn't wander far from me and every once in a while, he whispered 'It'll be okay,'' when he noticed my mind racing.

**A/N2: **Thank you to everyone who as read, favorited, alerted and reviewed the last chapter. I know it's been a while since my last update and I think from now on instead of weekly updates I'm going to move to bi-monthly updates. I feel as if the quality of my story is suffering under the rush to get my chapters out.


	27. The Beginning of Something

Disclaimer: I don't own it and I make nothing from it, it is all for fun.

Ch. 27

The Beginning of Something

I was sitting on the sand at Second Beach. Both of my girls were currently laid out on their bellies on one of Emily's thick blankets. When we set them down on the beach, Jake and I had slathered them in a thick layer of baby safe sun screen. He questioned the need for it at first as he never used it as a child. All it took was a reminder that they were my children as well and would probably fry like me.

He snorted wryly. "Honey, you don't fry, you flambé." He then moved to coat me just as thickly with the sun screen while I glared at him in mock derision.

Charlotte had spent the last ten minutes trying to put her weight on to her arms but wasn't getting anywhere, while Juliana was twisting her head this way and that trying to see her environment. I just sat staring at them, trying to shut off my traitorous thoughts and just enjoy this time watching them learn, grow and change. But the thoughts didn't stay away so I could enjoy my daughters as they approach another week older. They mocked me that soon I wouldn't get to enjoy this because I would soon be paralyzed with the worry of another life, another soul to care for.

I could feel the stares of Emily, Rachel and Kim. They focused their all too knowing eyes on me the moment Jake and I stepped from the bathroom this afternoon and haven't left. I could almost hear the questions they wanted to throw at me. But they didn't ask and I didn't move to answer them either.

Just as I was about to start hyperventilating, I saw Jacob walk out of the ocean from playing with his brothers. The sun shone off of his radiant skin, catching on the droplets that haven't dried, cascading down his rippling and toned torso, making him glisten. My body reacted and my breath caught. He walked up to me smiling, knowing he had an effect on me. While my heart raced, he kneeled down beside me, placed a lingering peck on my cheek and then trailed his lips to my ear.

He whispered, "It's all going to be okay," and then kissed the skin in front of my ear. I immediately relaxed at the contact.

He moved away from me to roll the girls onto their backs. He rested his weight on his arms as he leaned over his daughters. They looked at him and cooed excitedly, flailing their arms up to him. "You enjoying your time in the sun there, pups, hanging out with your momma and aunties?" He cooed, lifted Juliana's shirt and blew a giant raspberry on her belly. I couldn't help the laugh that broke through and from the sounds erupting around me, neither could the others. While she was giggling, he moved to Charlotte and did the same. As he was withdrawing from her, she brought her tiny fists up and curled her fingers through his hair. He chuckled and blew another raspberry on her belly and then moved back to Juliana, who began kicking her legs happily. He alternated between the two several times until they were non-stop giggling.

Through the light of their laughter, the clouds of my fears and worry dissipated and made way for joyful sunshine. As long as my daughters and Jacob were happy and healthy, my worries and fears paled in importance. So, in the light of their joy, I let my current fear go. I couldn't do anything about it today and letting it nag me wasn't letting me enjoy my day with my family. I took a deep breath and as I exhaled, I let everything that was weighing me down go.

Jacob moved from playing with the girls, who were now busily sucking on their pacifiers, to sit with his legs surrounding me and pulling me back to lean into his chest. Emily had brought a large beach umbrella with her and erected it to keep the sun out of the girls' sensitive eyes. They stared at the colors of the parasol above them, enraptured as shadows would flit around its surface from the passing birds and other beach goers.

From our perch on the beach, Jacob and I watched as Quil, Embry, Jared, Sam, Colin, Brady and Lucas all goofed off in the water. They were tossing a football around and laughing. This was turning out to be a stress free day off for everyone, one we all needed.

"Why don't you go back and play with them?" I asked Jacob softly as I ran my fingers up and down the arm wrapped around me.

"Nah, I want to sit here with you and the girls. Enjoy this rare sunny day," he said as he ran his nose along my jaw and then up to my hairline to my temple where he laid several warm kisses.

"Jake, go play with your brothers," I ordered softly. "You have a busy week ahead of you; have some fun while you have the time."

"You sure?" He asked hesitantly as he assessed my emotional condition by staring into my eyes. "You're not freaking out anymore, are you? I could see you over thinking it and being close to a panic attack from the water," he whispered into my ear. He saw that I had been falling apart and knew he'd be the only one to pull me together.

"No, I'm good. I just needed a good laugh to lighten the mood." I smiled up at him to reassure him.

"Okay then. Have fun and call me if you need me," he said as he placed a kiss to the top of my head and then moved to place a kiss to the forehead of each of the girls and they cooed again when he entered their eye line. Then he ran down the beach and joined the boys' game, smiling brightly the whole time.

We remained on the beach for another half hour. The girls' patience had run out. They became cranky and fussy and began whimpering. I could tell that they were tired and hungry. It was past their nap and feeding time. They started crying out in frustration, wails echoing across the beach. To appease them until we got back to Emily's, I gave them their pacifiers and tried to comfort them as Rachel and Kim packed everything up.

Jake and everyone else came out of the water and jogged up to us. When Jake reached us, he moved over to Emily and took Juliana from her. We all walked back to the house together trying to calm the crying babies.

Before we even made it off of the beach, I had handed Charlotte to Sam. Juliana was by far much calmer than her sister. Jake had bounced her and talked to her and she was only sniffling and whimpering. Figuring it may have something to do with the body warmth, I was enticed to give Charlotte to Sam to see if he could calm her down. Not a minute after she was safely in his arms, she was as quiet as her sister.

When we got to the house, I walked to the kitchen and made the bottles while Sam and Jake changed the girls' diapers. They hadn't been happy when they were deposited on the ground to be changed. They had been close to sleep when we returned and neither seemed pleased with being kept from their nap time. While I knew they were tired, I also knew that they were hungry. If I had let them sleep without feeding them, I knew they would've woken earlier than they needed to because of their hunger and then I would have spent the rest of the day with cranky babies.

With the bottles made and their diapers changed, Jake and Sam began feeding the girls. I could see from my spot behind Jake on the couch that Emily was staring wistfully at Sam feeding Charlotte. I could see the excitement, joy and love shining in her eyes as I assumed she imagined him feeding their child. Her eyes turned to mine and I gave her a small smile.

I knew she was happy and hopeful for her future and I couldn't help but share in that joy. But I also knew what kind of bomb she was carrying-literally-and the effect it would have within the pack. At the current moment, if the truth was to get out, then I don't think any of us would ever see Leah again. If that happened, it would tear Sue, Seth, and I suspect Embry, as well as Sam and Emily apart. It would cause a scar in everyone so deep it would never heal.

I wouldn't let that happen. This life had already taken so much happiness from my new family. I had hurt them by my actions. I wouldn't let them be hurt anymore if I could help it. And while I couldn't stop the hurt I knew Leah was going to go through, I could maybe lessen the pain.

I had to get her, Emily and Rachel to reconcile. The wolf caused her to lose and pull away from her two closest friends, the people she went to for everything, as well as everyone else. I was going to try my damndest to give them back to her. I wanted this wound within the pack to be healed. I knew it wouldn't ever be the same for them and I didn't expect it to be, too much damage had been done for that to ever happen. I just had a feeling when whatever Embry was hiding came out, she was going to need her friends.

Emily seeing my change in demeanor frowned and looked down, then looked to Rachel and then me. I tried to smile at her to ease the worries that sprang from seeing my expression but I could see in her eyes it hadn't worked.

The girls were quickly devouring their bottles; so quickly in fact that I told Jake and Sam to stop and burp them in the middle to keep them from spitting up later. They drank the last half of their bottles much slower and as they reached the bottom, they both fell into sleep, still sucking with their tiny pursed bow lips.

Sam and Jake pulled the bottles from their mouths, replaced them with the pacifiers and went to put them in the crib. While they walked into my room, the phone sounded from the kitchen.

Emily stood up from her spot on the chair and went to answer the phone, effectively breaking our unnatural and uncomfortable silence. I could hear her pick up the receiver and speak to the caller.

"Hello, Uley residence." She paused, waiting for a response.

"Uh…y-ye-yeah s-she's…yes she is," she said nervously. "J-just a moment." I could hear fear in her tone. Both Jake and Sam rushed out of the bedroom, whether at hearing her voice or that of the caller, I wasn't sure. The other wolves' frames were taut like bow strings.

"Be-Bella, you have a phone call," Emily spoke from the receiver. Her eyes were wide in shock as she covered the mouthpiece and held the phone out to me.

I got up unsteadily from the couch and carefully made my way over to the phone, afraid of who was on the other end that had Emily and the wolves in the state they were in. I took it from her and slowly brought it up to my ear as if it was going to bite me. I felt Jacob walk up behind me before I said anything and pull me back into him. He knew, knew that whoever was on the other end was going to cause me to need his strength so he gave it without me having to ask it of him.

"Hello?" I asked carefully.

"Hello, Bella." A deep, soothing melodic voice floated across the line and caused my heart to jump and my breath to catch. I shouldn't have been surprised at hearing his voice - I had been told it would happen – but I was. Every time I hear one of their voices it's a surprise because I had finally come to the point where I never expected to hear them again and was okay with that.

"H-h-…hello." My voice shook and I didn't know with what at the moment, but Jake just pulled me in tighter and I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Hello, Carlisle," I finally said clearly and firmly.

"It's wonderful to hear your voice, Bella. Edward has informed us that congratulations are in order. I hear you are a mother to two very beautiful young girls," he said congenially.

"Uh…yeah, I did...thanks." I had no clue what to say. "Is there a reason you're calling?"

"Oh, yes, dear," he spoke affably. "Edward spoke to me in private as soon as we returned home. He informed me that you asked him a question for the wolves for which you needed my approval as head of house. He said that I was to call you at the Uley house in La Push with my response."

"Y-yeah, that's what I asked," I said nervously. "Would you like to speak with the Alpha?"

"If that would make you all feel more comfortable, then yes. I'll speak with the Alpha." His tone was still affable.

"Okay, just a moment." I quickly pulled the phone from my ear and turned to hand it to Sam. He was already standing within an arm's length from me and raised his hand, taking the phone from me.

"Hello, Leech," Sam's deep alpha voice boomed. He sounded so formal, even with those two simple words and the slur. He didn't like the Cullens and what they represented; this was as nice and as formal as he'd ever be with them. His eyes turned to me as he listened.

"Yes, she did inform me that she had asked him." His eyes moved from me to Jacob and he nodded.

"Bells, you okay, honey?" Jacob whispered in my ear from behind me. His head was tilted down but his ear was turned towards Sam and the phone, still listening intently to the conversation.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just shocked at hearing his voice again. I mean, I logically knew they were in town again but I guess I thought I had come to terms with never hearing from any of them again. I'm starting to think I don't just need closure with Edward," I sighed.

"Thank you. I appreciate that you are allowing this. Hopefully, it will make catching her much easier. If we can get to her before she reaches Forks or La Push," Sam spoke congenially even with the edge his voice carried, he was trying very hard to speak nicely to the vampire patriarch.

Whatever Carlisle said next caused the wolves to growl and Sam's mask to fall in place. Jacob pulled me in closer as I felt his entire frame tense and give off slight tremors. I instinctively brought up my hand and ran my fingers up and down his forearm to calm him.

"That is not necessary; we are perfectly capable of handling this on our own." None of Sam's sociable tone was left as it fell away under the fierce set of his eyes and even fiercer timbre in his voice.

"Well, we agree on one thing, but again, it isn't needed or wanted." A constant rumble was coming from every wolf in the room. Jacob's was strong in my ear and against my back, causing me to vibrate.

"No. Bella is ours to protect and while this situation may be your causing, it is not up to you to fix it. You all would only cause more problems. Several of the wolves would love to hurt you for what you did to Bella." Ah, so that is what they were talking about. The Cullens wanted to 'help' protect me.

"I feel it would be best if you left Forks for good. Your presence in the peninsula has caused too many of us to change already. Your return now has caused the transformation of two more children, and we fear that your continued presence in the area will cause more young children to lose their childhood," Sam told Carlisle as if he was ordering the wolves clear disdain flowed through his alpha tone.

"I am sorry you feel that way but it doesn't change anything. I agree that I want the redhead taken care of as soon as possible but again, your family's help is neither needed nor wanted by anyone."

"What a freaking joke. Why can't the f-ing leeches get a clue?" Quil spat from the side of the room.

"No, that isn't nor will it be possible for that to happen," Sam said gruffly as all the wolves were quite audibly growling at the moment. Whatever had been said had pissed them off. Jake had actually picked me up and moved me from the phone as if it was going to hurt me. "As you can hear, none of my wolves are comfortable with even the idea of that.

"Thank you for your call, Dr. Cullen," Sam sneered, "and thank you for allowing us to patrol in your territory. Have a good one. Enjoy the sunny day," Sam spat mockingly at the end and then he slammed the headset down.

"Were they fucking serious?" Embry snarled. "They think…fucking think…after everything…we only let…couldn't have stopped…seriously?" He growled out haltingly and I had no clue what he was going on about.

"What did they say that has everyone so upset?" I asked a little hesitantly.

"They are allowing us to patrol all our old routes without contest but they wanted to help hunt for the redhead and the blonde. I don't want them to help; their scents will just cause problems. Plus, this isn't their concern anymore. They didn't seem pleased with this and wouldn't think of not helping as they considered you a member of their family. When I asked that they leave, they blatantly refused until they knew you were one hundred percent safe whether it causes others to phase or not. They tried to offer their help under the belief that the more help, the better. Then when I refused again, he asked that I pass on a message to you. He wanted to invite you and the girls to stay over at their house. He said that with all seven of them not needing to sleep as well as the titanium shields, you would never lack for protection or help and that they had plenty of room. You heard my response. I ended the call after that," Sam informed me and I could only sigh in response and shake my head.

With Carlisle's call, the relaxed and happy mood from the afternoon was effectively killed. Jacob, Emily, Sam and I moved to the living room and we turned a movie on while everyone else went back to their own homes for the day. When it came time for the shift change, Paul, Seth and Lucas returned to the house where Sam told them about the Cullen call. Both Paul and Seth were shaking mad but after both Sam and Jake promised it was never a consideration, they calmed.

Paul, Sam and Adam decided to go put some work in on mine and Jake's bedroom while Seth made the decision to hang out with Jake, Emily, the girls and I for the remainder of the afternoon. I had a feeling a lot of my free time was going to be spent with Seth. Jake and I were going to have to set up some boundaries once we moved into Jake's.

The rest of our day was a relaxed affair but it was still filled with the uneasiness caused by the phone call. Charlie had come over for dinner and then left early to go to Sue's. He still hadn't spoken much to Jake or me but I was just going to leave it. He'd get over whatever he was grouchy about eventually and I didn't have the energy to try and figure it out. Jake and I got the girls ready for bed after a bath and their nightly feeding. We snuggled on the couch 'till I was yawning almost constantly. The girls woke up just as I was going to bed but Jake promised to take care of it and I drifted off to sleep quickly.

I woke up to the girls crying sometime in the middle of Jake's shift. I gave them each their pacifiers, hoping it would keep them quiet and then walked to the kitchen to make their bottles. I returned to the room and watched as they hungrily drank their bottles down. I was just picking Charlotte up to burp her when Jake tiredly walked into the room.

"Hey, all my girls are up to see me," he said as he walked over and placed a kiss to my temple.

He wordlessly picked up Juliana and began burping her. Once I was done burping Charlotte, I set her down so that I could go take care of something. The moment I had stood to take care of the girls, I felt gross and uncomfortable. The moment I walked into the bathroom, I knew what it was.

Never, from the moment it first started 'till today, had I ever been happier that my period decided to come. I hadn't seen it in a year and I was ecstatic. Any worry I had in the afternoon was now gone in my flurry of tearing apart Emily's bathroom to find hygiene products. I finally found her stock, though it looked quite low, and realization dawned on me. She didn't need to replenish it at the moment.

With my business done, I returned to the bedroom to see both girls tucked in the crib and Jacob crawling in the bed and pulling the sheet over himself – his naked self.

"What took you so long in there, honey? Sounded like you were digging for gold," he laughed.

"It seems that Aunt Flo decided to make a visit," I replied as I climbed in next to him.

He made a face. "Aunt Flo," he said slowly and then I could see understanding hit him. "You're trying to tell me that the scare we had this morning was just that, a scare and nothing more, and we won't be expecting anymore pups?"

"No more pups for a good long while." I yawned tiredly as I curled up onto his chest and fell asleep.

I woke up to Jacob's chainsaw snores. I hadn't heard them in a while. The girls usually didn't stay asleep long enough for him to get deep enough into sleep to snore, and I couldn't help but giggle quietly. As weird as it was hearing, that sound was music to my ears. I had missed it so much when I was away so I decided to lie in bed and just listen while staring at his beautifully relaxed face; a face that when relaxed in sleep showed his youth. A youth that didn't have the responsibilities of protecting his people, or helping care for his disabled father when his sisters split, or fixing a broken girl who couldn't see the forest for the trees, or the responsibilities of being a young father; all of that was lost as he slept and just was.

Just as I was really starting to enjoy listening to him, the girls decided they had had enough of hearing their father's noises and began whimpering and whining. At the first sound from the girls, Jake jolted awake and as a result pushed me off of him and onto the bed. He moved quickly and picked up Charlotte.

Slowly, I climbed out of bed as well and picked Juliana up out of the crib. She had stopped crying the moment Jacob had grabbed her sister and was now just staring at him bright eyed.

Walking to the kitchen, I looked at the clock and saw that it was just under an hour until Jake's morning shift started. With everything he had to do today, I knew I wouldn't see him again until tonight. I really couldn't wait for him to be done with his G.E.D classes.

While we were feeding the girls, Emily came into the kitchen and began breakfast. By the time the girls were done eating and in fresh diapers, she had the food done. We ate in silence with the girls playing in Jacob's view on the living room floor.

"Bells, you gonna call in and get a doctor's appointment for today?" Jacob asked around a mouthful of food.

"I can. I mean, they might not be able to give me anything now, you know with…" I made a wide sweeping gesture with my arm, hoping he would understand.

"It can't hurt, can it?" He asked.

Instead of answering him, I walked to the phone and called the clinic's number. I gave them all the information they needed. I had gotten an appointment for the early afternoon.

"Well, I need supplies so I can bring her and watch the girls while she is in there. Then we can go to the store and get what we need," Emily spoke.

"That works for me. I need to get more diapers, wipes and formula for the girls anyways," I said.

"There is no way you two are going to be able to get everything you need and the girls' car seats inside the rabbit," Sam said as he walked into the kitchen to grab some breakfast.

"Well, Rachel and Kim can't watch the girls because they have to run up to Port Angeles to sign up for their business classes and fill out all their financial aid information." Emily countered.

"I could have Jared and Paul make a supply run, and get all the food and baby stuff you two need while Emily watches the girls and Embry can run Bella to the doctor," Sam mused.

"Works for me. I'll go make a list. Bella, I'll have you write down what you need for the girls. Then when you get back we can fill out all our grant applications, so that we can send them in," Emily said as she stood up with her plate and walked into the kitchen.

Jake left shortly after that. Emily started cleaning up the kitchen and Sam left to go put a couple of hours on the bedroom before he started his patrol shift. With the boys putting so many hours on the house, it was looking like it'd be ready to move into before September. I went into my bedroom and collected all of Jacob's, the girls' and my dirty laundry and brought it out to the washer. After sorting it all, I started the first load and stain treated everything that needed it for the second.

Emily and I spent the rest of the morning making sure we had everything we would need for the next week on the list. I groaned when I had to put hygiene products on the list. I knew that it wouldn't really bother Jared or Paul, they both had to deal with it with Rachel and Kim. And they also would know what was going on with me because of the pack mind. I was just used to not dealing with it at all or only me dealing with it since I had moved here to live with Charlie.

Once the grocery list was complete, we made sure we had everything we would need to fill out the grant proposals later in the day. Then, between taking care of the girls and switching out my laundry loads, there was only about twenty-five minutes left for Emily to help me get cleaned up while the girls were sleeping before I had to leave for my doctor's appointment.

The silence in the car with Embry was thick with tension. He seemed uncomfortable and I didn't know why. Nothing had really happened the day before for him to be acting like this and I knew he didn't see me see him look at Leah. But he was acting as if he had and he didn't want to talk about it. I was going to get to the bottom of whatever was going on, just not before my appointment.

Thankfully, my appointment went well and the doctor gave me a single prescription for birth control with the promise that I would come back in two weeks with the girls for their three month check up to have a checkup for myself. After picking up my prescription, Embry headed back to La Push. Halfway there, I decided now was the time to broach the subject.

"Embry, could you pull over please?" I asked nicely.

"Why, what's wrong?" He threw a worried look at me out of the corner of his eye but complied with my request. When we were stopped, I reached across the console and shifted the car into neutral and turned the ignition off, pocketing the keys.

"What's going on, Bella? Why the hell did you do that?" Embry asked, clearly aggravated.

"I just want to talk to you. I haven't had a chance to talk to you since before Jake's imprint and the Cullens coming back."

"And what, you decide that the side of the road is the best time for that?"

"Well we're alone out here, won't be bothered by anyone, I saw the opportunity and took it."

"What do you want to talk about Bella?" He said hesitantly.

"Are…are you happy, Embry?"

"What—Bella, where are you going with this?"

"I care about you and I want to make sure you are okay, that you are happy. I know with pack responsibilities and everything your life is very structured but are you happy?"

"Yeah, I'm happy enough," he replied, still confused where I was heading with this.

"So…are you seeing anyone?" It wasn't the smoothest transition for me but I didn't know how to bring up what I saw to him.

"What?" he sputtered. "You've spent nearly every day with me since you got back. Don't you think if I was seeing someone I would have at least told you about her?"

"Okay, so you aren't seeing anyone. Do you maybe like someone but just haven't said anything to them? 'Cause I know you can be shy and I know what it's like to be shy, and if it's that, then you have no reason to be cause you're a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you in her life." I realized I had been rambling through my nerves and his wide eyes told me he knew something else was up.

"What the hell is going on, Bella? Why do I get the feeling this 'talk' isn't about me being happy?"

"I want to talk to you about something specific and I don't think you wanted to do it around anyone else. So I decided that I had to talk to you in private and now is the perfect time."

He stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

"I saw you yesterday. I saw the look you gave Leah."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, trying to make it sound off handed but it came out defensive and I watched as he put his walls up.

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. You feel something for her, don't you? And it goes beyond pity or simple friendship, doesn't it?" I asked softly.

"Just leave it, Bella. Just drop it, please," he softly pleaded.

"I can't, Embry. When Jake was first starting to chase after me-–or when I finally realized that was what he was doing-you were my friend. You were my friend despite your friendship with Jake. You were my friend because you wanted to be my friend. If we had never gotten together, I know you would have still been my friend. You are my closest guy friend and I know you support me one hundred percent and I want to do that for you. Hell, I even want to be there for Leah if she'd let me but I've come to terms with that not happening. So I'll be there for her, by being there for you.

"I saw the way you looked at her. And I don't know if I just haven't been paying attention since I got back or if you've hidden it for a long time but I know what I saw isn't new. You feel something for her, don't you?" I looked at him and he looked sick. His rich bronze skin paled before my eyes as his widened.

He coughed and then cleared his throat. "Of course I feel something for her, she's my pack sister. We all feel something for her."

"Embry, you know me better than that to play off what I saw as pack solidarity. I know what I saw. You are one of my closest friends and I want you to be happy, I want you to be loved like you deserve and if you love her, than you need to tell her."

"I don't love her," he stated adamantly but I could hear the lie in those words.

"Fine, if you don't love her then what did I see yesterday? I've never seen you look at anyone like that, nowhere even close, so please don't lie to me."

"Why can't you drop this? I've worked too damn hard to keep this shit buried and now you go and drag it up."

"Embry I can see the weight this is putting on you. I can see how tired you are and I know it has nothing to do with your patrol hours. If it could take some pressure off of you, why are you keeping it buried?" I pleaded with him softly.

"Why am I keeping it buried? Because she is a pack sister, because Sam is her ex, because I know she'll never feel anything for me, because out of everyone in the pack she treated me the worst, because it will only get worse if they find out."

"I guess I figured out the whys," I paused knowing he didn't want me to keep pushing for this but knowing he couldn't keep hiding it. "But what is it? Tell me please," I said firmly but softly.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm in love with her? That I've been in love with her since before you left? That I spend most of my day trying to bury all of it so that when I'm phased no one sees it, especially her? Is that what you want to hear?" He yelled at me.

"You've been in love with her since before I left? How…I didn't…why didn't I see any of this before? Why hasn't anyone seen any of this?" I asked in disbelief that he could have kept this a secret for this long.

"What was I supposed to do? I didn't want anyone to know because she can't know. I've hidden this from everyone so that it wouldn't get out. Not only would she reject me but she'd probably castrate me as well. Who knows what Sam or Seth would do?"

"Why do you think she'd reject you? One thing I've learned about Leah is she can surprise you on most anything. If you think she will make you happy then you need to tell her how you feel."

"Why do I think she'll reject me? Are you serious? Not only am I younger than her, she happens to still be in love with Sam and to top it all off, I'm also a wolf; a wolf that hasn't imprinted. You know as well as I do that she will never get in a relationship with anyone that could leave her the same way Sam left her. Of course, she'll reject me." He sighed dejectedly.

"You're not giving her the choice to reject you either. Right now, all she knows is that Sam loved her once. She doesn't think anyone else will love her for the way she is now. I know, I believed that after Edward left me. If Jake hadn't shown me and told me that he loved me the way I was, the way I would be, then I would have never considered moving on. If you don't say anything, if you always keep this in, you will never find out. You will always live with the 'what if '. I know you don't want to live with that kind of regret, Embry. And the imprinting stuff, I know I sound like a hypocrite right now, but not all wolves imprint. You might not and if you avoid her, avoid this; you both might miss out on your chance to be truly happy."

"And if she rejects me? If she shoves it all back in my face?" He said in a broken whisper as he spoke his fear.

"At first, she may try to push you away because she is afraid. I didn't give in to Jake's feelings for a very long time after I learned of them. He didn't give up, you shouldn't either. And if she doesn't feel anything for you in the long run, at least you know, at least you tried. The what if's will kill you, Embry, believe me. I live everyday with the what if of never running away. But I did leave and I live with it. You don't want to live with never acting, never trying.

"You supported me as your friend and now I'm supporting you as mine. Go to her, tell her how you feel. Tell her why you love her, tell her what she means to you. Take the chance at being happy because of out of everyone I know, you deserve it the most. Life hasn't been good to you, this could be your time, and it could be her time. I love you, Embry, and I just want you to be as happy as I am."

"How…d-do you…how will she take what I have to say?" I looked at him and he looked so much like the seventeen year old he never got to be. He was a young adult stuck in an adult body and forced to live a life he had no clue how to. Just like the rest of the pack. They were living their lives blind because there was no way to plan for what they were.

I laughed derisively. "This is Leah Clearwater we're talking about. We both know her first reaction will be to string you up because it's against her nature to show any emotion besides contempt or anger. After that, I have no clue."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked shyly.

"Why not? Let's get everything out on the table, Bee."

"Well…how…I just don't get, Leah…really…" He interrupted my unintelligent mumblings.

"How did I fall in love with someone who tormented me for the better part of a year?" He laughed out.

"Well…yeah."

"I don't know. I do know that when I phased and I learned everything about the end of her and Sam's relationship, the imprinting, I felt sorry for her. She had been dealt a horrible hand. I understood then why she was the way she was and I hoped the best for her. Then she phased and took her rejection and her anger at what her life was out on me, bringing up things I didn't want to deal with, didn't want to think about, just so she could cause someone else some pain for once. Knowing why she was doing it, I usually just shut up and let her. Everyone else would yell at her to shut up and leave it alone, but I never did. I just wanted her to feel better, to make some portion of her messed up reality a little bit more bearable. She lost the guy she loved, her father and who she saw herself as in less than a year, so I just let her berate and belittle me.

"I don't know when all of that turned into something more. I know the longer she was in the pack, the more I saw her as a friend. I know that by the fall of last year, my feelings were much stronger than friendship and it was then that I started hiding what I felt. Only when I was human would I allow myself to think about her.

"Around the time you left is when she quit being so harsh to me specifically and was just her off putting self to everyone. She is starting to soften up but she is still in pain and not letting anyone in. Surprisingly, your talk with her is the most she has willingly opened up to anyone in a very long time. But, she is still shut off and I want to be the one that makes her open up and see that there is more to her life than what she's lost. I want to fix her. I want her to let me love her. I want to be with her. I want my future with her," he spoke fiercely and passionately.

"You need to tell her that and tell her why you love her and you can't give up if she pushes you away at first."

"What…what about Sam?" He asked worriedly as he got deep wrinkles in between his eyebrows.

"What about Sam? He's not in love with her anymore. He loves Emily. I think he would just want her to be happy because he still does care about her. The only thing he might do now is threaten you to make sure you take care of her and treat her right. As will the rest of the pack, which we both know you will. "

"How…why are you pushing for this? Why is it important to you?"

"Are you serious? Really? Why do you even have to ask that question, haven't I explained why it's important? YOU ARE MY FRIEND!" I said firmly and loudly.

"What makes you happy is important to me so of course I'm going to support you, just like you supported me not so long ago. If she's who you want, then I'm going to support you and I truly believe that you can and will make her happy. I believe you will give her the happiness she doesn't think she deserves or will ever find."

He sighed much like Jake used to sigh when I would try to put distance between us. He had spent a very long time fighting himself and his feelings. Not only to keep them from the pack and the person he felt them for but even himself. He just stared out of the windshield with furrowed brows as I stared at him.

"You're scared, aren't you?" I asked after several minutes' silence.

"Yeah, I mean, first, everything is going to change. This could cause a lot of trouble within the pack. Not to mention she could reject me like yesterday's trash. I have a horrible feeling everything is about to go to hell. 'Cause there is no way to keep this quiet, now that you know," he said sadly.

"Do you really think I would share this with anyone?" I was a bit hurt he thought that I would share his secret like that.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant that there is no way I won't be able to not think about this in the pack mind, not with everything you've said and everything I've told you, so everything is going to come out, tonight…and fuck I patrol with Sam tonight," he groaned.

"Good. Then he can prove to you that he will be supportive to both of you and maybe you should tell her before it goes out into the collective, she deserves to at least know how you feel before everyone else does." He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"What happened to the pessimistic Bella Swan I know and love? The one who was in full panic mode yesterday after having unprotected sex once? The one who didn't like confrontation and wasn't so forceful?"

"When you already have two children because of unprotected sex, you can complain to me about panic. Until then, you can't talk. Now I'm feeling optimistic about you because I think it's your turn for something good to happen."

"You wanna talk about anything else?"

"Nope, I'm good."

After I handed him the keys back he drove me back to Emily's and left afterwards. Emily and I spent the afternoon filling out grant application after grant application. We had a huge stack of applications ready to mail by the time we needed to start getting dinner ready.

Jake came back about ten minutes before it was time to eat, covered in grease and oil. I knew that he was working on cars again to bring in some income; it was now what he was going to do in the afternoons after his G.E.D classes or during his open afternoons when he didn't have the classes. It had been the first time I had seen him like that since I returned home. When he lightly kissed my cheek, I greedily inhaled the scent of him covered in oil that I had missed so much and a tiny groan slipped from me, causing him to laugh with a raised eyebrow and me to blush.

He left to clean up as I prepared the girls' bottles. With them fed and relaxing in their carriers by the table, Emily, Rachel, Kim, Sam, Jake and I ate and talked about the classes that Kim and Rachel signed up for and the grants that Emily and I had filled out.

It was raining when Jake and I put the girls to bed. I decided to go to bed early and joined them an hour later. Since Jake didn't have to patrol for a couple more hours, he joined me to take a short nap. I fell asleep where I was meant to be; curled up against him with his arms around me, holding me tightly to him.

A/N: I can't give enough thanks to SMI4Life for being my beta. She is wonderfully amazing and helped so much with this chapter. Also thanks to JSH for being my bounce board along with SMI4Life for all my ideas and freak outs. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter I really enjoyed reading what you had to say. It means a lot. Also thank you to everyone who has alerted, favorited, and read. Please check out my o/s "He Didn't Believe Her".

Please tell me what you think.


	28. A Clap of Thunder and All Falls

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything that belongs in the Twilight universe as much as I wish I did. It all sadly belongs to Ms. Meyers.

Thank you so much to SMI4Life for betaing this chapter. You really are an amazing person.

Ch. 28

A Clap of Thunder and All Falls

I woke up with a jolt to a harsh clap of thunder that rattled the windows of the bedroom. Two seconds after I awoke, the girls began crying. I was alone in bed and as I quickly crawled out of it to calm the girls, I took a glance at the alarm clock. It was only one a.m. and Jake was still out on patrol.

Before I even made it to the crib, a blinding shot of lightening lit up the room. I blinked in shock and in an attempt to recover my eyesight. Just as I reached the edge of the crib and was able to see in the darkness again, another booming clap rattled the room and fresh shrill wails came from my startled daughters.

I picked one up- not even sure who in the darkness- and quickly began bouncing her lightly against my chest as I searched for her pacifier in the crib. Once I found it, I put it in her mouth. She quickly spit it out and another flash of light burst through the room followed quickly by a rolling boom of thunder. With both girls still bawling, I quickly went out to the living room to grab a carrier.

I brought the carrier back in the room, put it on the floor and set my daughter in it. I reached into the crib and picked my other daughter up - the light from the kitchen let me see that I was holding Juliana - and began bouncing her as I tried to rock the carrier with one foot. Just then, Sam walked into the bedroom and bent down to pick Charlotte up out of the carrier and copied my movements by bouncing her.

After ten minutes of trying to calm them down and failing, I knew I needed to do something. I laid Juliana on the bed and began to undress her and then changed her diaper. Sam laid Charlotte next to her and picked up Juliana as Emily walked into the bedroom bleary eyed and carrying two bottles. After Charlotte was changed, Emily gave me her bottle and I sat on the bed to feed her.

Both girls, while drinking their bottles, were still crying. They were emitting gurgling sounds as they cried around the milk in their mouths. I was running out of ideas for why they were crying. Sam and I moved on to burping them, both of us hoping that it would calm them to sleep.

Both girls were red faced and wailing an hour later when Jake returned from patrol, rushing into the house at the sounds of his daughters crying. Sam, Emily and I had tried everything we could to think of to get them to quit. I was beyond frustrated and worried and I was at my breaking point and on my way to crying myself; tears were already falling down my face but they were silent.

"Bells, honey, what's wrong?" Jake asked, concerned as he took Juliana from Emily, who had taken her from Sam twenty minutes before.

With that, I broke. Sobs poured from my chest as I clutched Charlotte to me and cried with my daughters. I could see out of the corner of my tear filled eyes, Jacob staring at me with wide, fearful eyes. Now he had all three of 'his girls 'crying and he had no clue as to why.

"I-I-I…d-d-don't…k-know," I finally managed to get out between gasping breaths and sobs, but I knew it wouldn't help him any. I knew my tears were more than the frustration of not being able to get the girls to stop crying, even though they hadn't cried like this since I had come back to Forks. Sure, they had crying fits but they never lasted more than twenty minutes. I knew it was the last two weeks of pack turmoil and exhaustion that were the main causes of my fit.

It had been two hellish weeks since I had talked to Embry, since he had talked to Leah. Now everyone was more on edge than if a vampire had decide to take up residence at the dinner table.

I only know what had happened by what Jake had told me the next morning before his shift. No one else would speak of it out loud. And there hadn't been any vampire sightings since the Cullens had returned – well, other than them- to help with relieving some of the pack's tension.

Embry, after dropping me off at Emily's, had walked around the next hour, waiting for Leah to get off patrol and thinking about what he wanted to say to her. When she was finished, he got up the courage to approach her and talk to her. He told her how he felt about her and for how long. He poured everything out, held nothing back. And as I expected, Leah didn't react well. She had stared at him in horror as he poured his heart out and then hit him hard with a right hook and ran home, locking herself in her room.

No one other than Seth, Sue and Charlie had seen her since and even then, very rarely. She refused to patrol and under the circumstances, Sam allowed it, only wanting her to help if a leech came into the area. He wasn't going to get in the way of her and her relationships.

Afterward, Embry became withdrawn as well. He didn't come around to Emily's after he was done with patrol in the mornings nor did he come by for meals or even to hang out. He only worked on the bedroom when Sam and Seth weren't. What was worse was that he didn't speak to me at all. I understood the reason, but it still hurt.

I felt so incredibly guilty. I had just wanted him to be happy and not hide his feelings. I also thought that he would be amazing for Leah. He was strong and brave but also sweet and patient; all qualities that would do great to counteract Leah's harsh and tough exterior. Now everything was a mess. He felt rejected and alone.

He especially avoided Seth and Sam. They hadn't even been mad at him when they found out nor after Leah removed herself from the pack. Jake said he (Embry) blamed himself for the destruction of the pack and the hurt he caused Leah. He believed that out of everyone in the pack, Seth and Sam had the most reason to be angry with him, so he avoided them.

I was surrounded in a whirlwind of guilt. I had forced Embry to confess everything, not only to me but to Leah as well. I had destroyed any hope he had carried for something with Leah, along with the solidarity he felt with the only family he had ever really known.

I had spent the last two weeks with just Emily, Rachel, and Kim; just like any normal week, but even my time with them was strained. Both Emily and Rachel wanted to be there for Leah, but they knew they were unwanted. Kim didn't know how to navigate all the disorder. While we spent our uneasy days together working on applying for loans, we talked about Rachel and Kim's upcoming classes and the girls.

The rest of the pack spent more time at the Black's house to work on the addition. Jacob had said it was now looking like it'd be done a week early, meaning we would be able to move in before September and around the time I got my cast off as well.

But at the moment, I couldn't think about moving in with Jacob or getting my cast off or even Embry and the troubles I had caused him and Leah. No, at the moment, I was bawling like my two screeching children as Jacob and Emily stared helplessly at the three of us.

I needed to step away; my tears were only making the girls cry harder and them crying harder was making me worse. They both picked up on my emotions easily and when I was like this, they were as well. I took a deep breath, placed a kiss on Charlotte's forehead and put her in her carrier, walking out of the bedroom and passing the bewildered Jacob and Emily.

I walked out onto the porch. I was protected from the torrential rain but I still felt the calming breeze full of cool moist air. I sat back against the house as I tried to ease my tears and harsh breathing. I needed to calm down or I wasn't going to be able to take care of my daughters.

I breathed deep and held it in, then slowly let it out. I repeated the process several times until the tears stopped falling, my heart rate calmed and I could focus again. When I finally felt calm enough-maybe five minutes later-I stood and returned to the maelstrom in the bed room.

Both girls were still screeching but they were taking longer breaths to do so. Emily had pulled Charlotte from the carrier and was bouncing her up and down while patting her back. Jake was doing the same but while Emily looked exasperated, Jake looked fearful.

I pulled Juliana from his arms and put her in the carrier on the floor; I buckled her up and turned to Emily.

"Could you go put Charlotte in her carrier, please?" I asked and then turned to Jake.

"Go get the Rabbit and drive it as close to the house as you can," I ordered calmly but loudly over the din. I reached into the crib as he walked out of the room and grabbed two blankets. I placed one over Juliana's carrier and then picked it up and walked out to the living room to hand the other to Emily. She placed the blanket over the carrier as Jake walked back into the house drenched.

I walked to him and handed him Juliana and then turned to grab Charlotte. I was ignoring my daughters' shrill wails as I walked out the front door to the Rabbit which was stopped with the front bumper touching the bottom step of the porch. I rushed to the passenger side door and quickly put the carrier in its holder in the back seat as my back was soaked with rain. I was about to rush back to the house when the driver's door opened and Jacob deposited the other carrier into its holder and then plopped down into the seat. I quickly placed myself in the passenger seat and shut the rain out.

"What are we doing in the car, Bells?" Jacob yelled over the racket.

"You are going to drive carefully around the rez and hope this puts the girls to sleep," I yelled back.

He started the car and drove at a steady but slow pace around all the roads on the rez, being careful about the heavy rain and excess water on the roads. We were on our second pass of the reservation when the girls finally quieted down and by our third pass, they were asleep and I was saying a silent thanks. Jake made one more pass and then returned to Sam's. The rain had slowed significantly while we were driving and it was just a gentle rain. We carefully pulled the carriers free from the car and walked back into the house.

As I walked through the front door, I could see Emily slicing a log of dough in the kitchen. She looked up and gave a relieved smile at the silence coming from the carrier I held. I walked into the bedroom and just placed the carrier in the crib. I knew if I even attempted to remove the girls, they would wake and begin crying again. I then walked into the kitchen to see why Emily had stayed awake.

"Hey, why are you still up? It's the middle of the night; you didn't need to stay up," I asked her as I looked at the time on the stove. It was close to four-thirty. The girls had been up for over three and a half hours. Jacob was going to get less than four hours of sleep before he had to patrol again.

"Oh, I know. I just wanted to make sure that you got back okay and that you got the girls to go down. And I figured while I was waiting, I'd start on some breakfast. So I made cinnamon rolls, this way they can raise while we're asleep and they'll be ready to bake later. Now that they are cut and in the pan and the girls are asleep, I'm going to go to bed," Emily said quietly as she walked to her bedroom.

I followed her and went to mine. I entered, seeing Jacob pulling off his sodden shorts and I paused as I closed the door quietly to appreciate his form. My eyes slowly drew down his naked torso, drinking in each firm ridge of tightly bound muscle; appreciating the ridges of his impressive abdomen and following the small trail of hair to the deeply grooved V that led to the impressive length that was hardening under my careful appraisal of his form and then down to his strong well-muscled thighs. My perusing stopped as the bed cut off the rest of my view and my eyes snapped back to his.

His eyes were dark as he stared at me like he was a starving man looking at a perfectly cooked porterhouse. I slowly made my way to my side of the bed as I pulled my soaked shirt from my torso and then dropped it on the floor. I locked eyes with him again as I moved my hands to the hem of my sleep shorts and pulled them along with my panties down my legs until they fell on their own to the floor. He groaned quietly as he took in my form.

I carefully climbed into bed and got comfortable against my pillow, my eyes never leaving his. He moved lithely as he slid in next to me and then moved so he was leaned over me. His eyes were dark and animalistic as he neared me and then his mouth crashed into mine and he claimed every portion he could with is invading tongue.

I held back all the sounds that wanted to escape to prevent waking our daughters. He pulled away from my mouth and ran his tongue along my jaw and then bit my ear. As he was placing claiming kisses and nips down my neck, an involuntary yawn escaped my lips. He stopped what he was doing and placed his head into the crock of my neck.

"Christ, you are a naughty little minx," he groaned as he ground into me, causing me to spread my thighs. But before he could start anything, I pushed on his shoulder and he rolled onto his back next to me.

I knew he wouldn't be able to sleep in his current condition so I rolled into and climbed up onto him to straddle his waist. I leaned over him so my lips hovered over his; resting my casted arm at the elbow I slowly drug the fingers of my good hand up his arm, over his shoulder and collarbone and then up his neck to stop at his lips. He tried to pull my fingers into his mouth but I drew them back and pressed them against his lips.

I leaned in a little closer and whispered, "Shh, don't make a sound." I waited for him to acknowledge my request with a nod and then pulled away from him as I slid down his body placing kisses to his chest and abdomen as I passed it.

When I reached my desired location, straddling his thighs I grasped him at the base and stroked him firmly. I raised my eyes to his as I continued to stroke him. His eyes were deep dark pools of animalistic desire. His jaw was clenched tightly and each hand was wrapped tightly around the sheets and his eyes burned me. He arched up off the bed as I brought my thumb around his head. He remained silent but I could tell he wanted to cry out.

I continued to work him, bringing him closer to fulfillment, to that brink where colors exploded behind closed eyelids. I worked all of him and when he tensed I knew he was close, so I slid down his legs and brought him into my mouth, never taking my eyes from his, to push him over the edge. He found his release in my mouth with a controlled groan out of his as I brought him back down to earth.

I crawled back up his body, placed a small chaste kiss to his lips and curled close to his heaving sweaty chest and yawned again. My eyes were heavy; the weight of my crying freak out and unknown amount of tears were beginning to burn my eyes.

"God, honey, that was…amazing. So worth not being able to sleep 'till my heart slows down," Jake said quietly as he scooted further down the bed to place kisses to my neck and then up to that one spot under my ear and lightly nipped, knowing that he just sent liquid fire through my veins as he slid his hand up and down my side.

"Jake," I whined, "I'm tired; we have a busy day today. As much as I'd love for you to continue what you're doing, I'm going to need some sleep and so are you," I finished as I whispered the last part in another long yawn.

"Okay, honey, you're right, but I am going to continue this later," he said as he pulled me further into his arms. I laid my head on his shoulder and bicep and my arm across his stomach and leg across his thigh, curling my foot around his knee. He placed a small peck to the top of my head as I fell into a dreamless slumber.

I awoke hours later, alone in bed to the sounds of my daughters whimpering. Thankful they weren't crying, I drearily climbed out of bed and rubbed the small amount of sleep out of my eyes. I grabbed their pacifiers and gave them to the girls until I could get their bottles made. I opened the door and the delicious scent of cinnamon rolls smacked into me.

I walked into the kitchen and began making the bottles. Emily wasn't in the kitchen but the rolls were still baking so I knew she was awake. She'd never go far with anything in the oven. I finished making the bottles and started walking back to the girls as I saw Emily coming out of the bathroom wiping her mouth on the hand towel. I paused in my steps and mouthed an 'are you okay', knowing Sam was in the house and she still hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy. Her reasoning had been that with the Leah and Embry drama going on, she didn't want to add any more to the pack.

I knew she was right – hell it was the reason I had wanted all the girls to talk, to get everything out on the table and heal a little, and I agreed that if Leah found out before then, she'd blow a gasket and all hell would break lose- so I agreed to keep quiet. I knew the pack wouldn't hear the baby for quite some time as well. I had been nearly four months along when I left and they couldn't hear the heartbeats yet. She had about a month until she reached that stage.

With a nod in the affirmative and a blink of obviously tired eyes, she walked to the kitchen and I returned to my bedroom to feed my girls. While I had had loads of trouble in the beginning after getting my cast, I was now able to do things with just the fingers of that hand that I hadn't been able to do after getting out of the hospital. So with a bottle in the fingers of my casted hand and a bottle in the other, I fed my girls at the same time.

As they were finishing their bottles, Rachel walked into the bedroom. I bent over to pick up one of my daughters to burp her and Rachel moved alongside of me to do the same with the other. When we were finished burping them, we went to the bathroom to give them baths. With Juliana laying on the bathroom rug next to Rachel as she filled the baby bath, I laid Charlotte down to undress and un-diaper her. With the bath ready, Rachel took Charlotte from me and began to carefully bathe her. When she was done, Rachel placed her in a towel and handed her to me before taking a freshly undressed Juliana and placing her in the bath.

With the girls fed, burped, changed, bathed and redressed, we brought them into the living room for tummy time. In the last two weeks, they had advanced remarkably in their development. They both now were able to lift themselves up with their arms doing mini pushups, making little tiny grunts as they did. I couldn't help but gush with every little noise and movement they made. Charlotte was even beginning to start to roll onto her back from her belly but couldn't quite make it yet. I knew it'd be soon and Juliana had found that she could grab many things and loved bringing them to her mouth for proper investigation; usually it meant my hair or people's fingers and an occasional toy thrown in there. Jake had also found that they were able to hold themselves up on their legs while he held them up by their torsos.

Being as they were now three months old, the doctor had wanted to see them for another check-up to track their development and to check for any complications from their birth as well as I was to have my physical check-up. So as soon as Jake got off patrol, we were headed up to Forks for the appointment.

I gorged myself on more than one of Emily's cinnamon rolls with Rachel after she had helped me to shower and get dressed for the appointment today. While we were eating, Emily returned to her room to get a few more hours of shut eye with Sam. When I explained to Rachel why she was doing that, she pushed me into my bedroom and demanded I do the same. I tried to argue with her but as my head hit the pillow, all the arguments died in my throat and I drifted off. Having this many people around to help with the girls was making this a lot easier for me than when I was by myself. That and the girls staying up longer in the day and sleeping longer at night was giving me longer amounts of time to sleep.

I felt warm chaste kisses being placed to my face as I was pulled from my sleep. My eyes fluttered open under the dark shadow hovering over me. The dark shadow continued its actions as I focused on who I already knew it was. Jake gave me one of his smiles as he pulled back from me.

"Hey honey, you ready to go bring the girls to the doctor?" He asked. I could see that he was tired. He had dark circles under his eyes and his skin was a little paler than normal. I brought my hand up to cup his face and ran my finger lightly over the circles that clouded his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand.

"You should get some sleep, Jake. I can take Rachel with me," I said softly.

His eyes flashed open and I saw a fierce intensity emanating from them. He pulled his face free of my hand and shook his head. "No, I'm going to all their doctor's appointments, no matter how tired I am or what is going on."

"Okay," I said softly with a nod.

He pulled me from the bed and set me on my feet with a gentle peck on the lips. I pouted, wanting more. I always wanted more with him. He smiled cockily at me and walked out of the room.

"Don't think I've forgotten about this morning, babe. I have every intention of paying you back in kind," he laughed over his shoulder as we entered the living room.

We put the girls in their carriers and covered them to shield against the rain that was still lightly falling. Jake drove extremely careful over the slick roads to Forks. When we climbed out in the parking lot of the clinic, I put my casted arm under the blanket on the carrier. I had less than two weeks left and I didn't want to have to get a new one put on now because it got wet.

Jake's leg bounced impatiently as we sat in the waiting room while he held Juliana close to his chest. The girls had both fallen asleep on the drive to Forks and Juliana woke up not long after we had taken our seats. The moment he picked her up, she had quieted down and was content just listening to her father's heartbeat.

We were called back where the girls were again weighed, measured and their temperature was taken.

"Well, by looking at the charts here it looks like the girls gained about four pounds each and close to two inches each," the doctor informed us.

"How…I mean is that good or bad? I know Bells told me that they are small but are they healthy?" Jake asked uneasily.

"Well, for their length, they are in the ninety-ninth percentile meaning they are quite tall for their age–even being preemies-but now seeing that you are their father it makes a lot of sense and that is perfectly fine. For their weight, they are in the fifth percentile even with taking in their premature status. They were quite small when they were born as close as they were to full grown." Jake was staring at the doctor in full concentration, his brows furrowed, but I could see the worry in his eyes.

"But their growth since birth while slower than full term single babies is still quite normal for preemies. They are very healthy and progressing remarkably well. They are both in excellent health and I can see that their mental development is on track with full term babies their age. You two have nothing to worry about," the doctor said with a smile.

"What about Jules and the risks she is under?" Jake asked.

"Well, she is under increased risk for some things, yes, but from everything I can see, she is in excellent health. You just need to be careful around others with colds or the flu, especially children. And if she does get sick, monitor her very closely. The older she gets without any incidents, the more likely she won't face any serious complications if she were to get sick."

"Well, last night they cried for over three hours. I mean nonstop wails and screeching screams. Is that normal; are they okay, are they going to get sick?" Jake asked worriedly.

"Crying like that, well, that can happen for several reasons. If they were older, I'd say they were teething but they are a bit young for that. It could have been gas as well, but I'm assuming you did everything possible to get them to stop. I'm guessing that with last night's storm they got scared and then uncomfortable because they were woken up and were letting everyone know they were not happy at all. All I can tell you is that sometimes babies do cry like that for what seems like no reason at all but I can tell you that they are perfectly healthy and show no signs of getting sick, nothing to worry about except for lack of sleep," the doctor replied with a wry chuckle.

"So, the girls are looking good. You can schedule an appointment for next month for them to get their four month vaccinations. Bella, I know that you need to have a checkup yourself. Do you just want to wait here while I get the nurse?" He asked and I nodded.

When he walked out, I turned to Jake to see him glaring at the door.

"Jake, if you want, you can take the girls out into the waiting room while I'm with the doctor."

"No, I'm staying with you," he said firmly with a harsh edge at the door, never turning to look at me. He was holding Charlotte as Juliana sat in her carrier staring at and trying to reach for the chickadee hanging from the handle of her carrier that Seth had gotten both of them.

My appointment didn't go nearly as well as the girls'. Jacob bored holes into the doctor. The way he was looking at him for the entirety of my exam; I had no clue what the doctor had done to piss him off so thoroughly. Not only was Jacob's behavior awkward but his mere presence during my pelvic exam was downright uncomfortable.

Never, ever again will he be near me when I'm getting examined by the doctor. He hadn't even shaken the doctor's hand at the end of the appointment when it had been offered. With the exam done, a new prescription with a year's worth of refills and the next appointment set up for the girls, we left the hospital. Once we were in the car, I finally got the nerve to ask him what had been bugging me.

"What was with you in the room? Had I known you were going to act like that, I would have kicked you out when the doctor left."

"There was no way in hell I was going to leave you alone with that man, Bella," he bit out.

"What? Why? What the hell did he do from the time he was done with them to the time he started with me? You looked like you wanted to tear his head off."

"I did. I didn't like that he was going to touch you," he said bitterly.

"What? You knew going in today that that was going to happen. He wasn't touching me, Jake. He was doing a friggin' pelvic exam. I don't know if you know this, but a pelvic exam isn't the most comfortable thing in the god damn world and you made it worse for both me and the doctor!" I snapped back.

"I may have known but…Bella, you don't understand what it is like now for my wolf when it comes to other men and you. Logically, I knew he'd do nothing wrong and that it had to happen. But the wolf knowing another man was going to touch you so intimately, it really was all I could do to just sit and stare like that. It'd be much easier if you got a female doctor," he said sadly back.

"Your wolf didn't like it? Oh. Is it because of the imprint?" I paused as he nodded his head.

"Ever since I imprinted, my wolf has become highly possessive. He is okay around the pack, Charlie and my dad but any other man and he goes bonkers. When you went to talk to the leech, only the fact that I was with our girls stopped me from running to you and getting you the hell out of there. I don't want to sound like a possessive ass but my wolf is and I just try to control it. I can't help it," he said ashamed.

"I'd like to tell you I'd get another doctor but this is Forks, I don't get that luxury. I get whatever doctor is available. Just be happy Carlisle isn't working at the hospital. I don't know what to say about the wolf right now, I don't know how to appease his possessiveness but I know you aren't an ass," I said as I ignored the growl that came in response to the Carlisle comment.

He drove us to the Forks police department after picking up a new refill of my prescription so that we wouldn't have to come up just for that later. I looked at him questionably when he applied the parking break.

"I figured we could go see Charlie. I know you guys finally talked but it has been a few days since he's come to see you. Plus, he hasn't gotten to show off his granddaughters yet and you know he's itching to do just that," Jacob said as he shrugged his shoulders. I just leaned over the console and gave him a tight closed mouth kiss in thanks.

Last week, I had finally bit the bullet and cornered Charlie into talking to me. Well, it was more me calling him out on his avoiding Jacob, Billy and I than anything else. He finally told me that he had felt betrayed by the three of us more than anyone else, because we were his family. While he knew that we weren't allowed to tell him about the supernatural, the fact that I was in mortal danger had been kept from him, was the worst.

I had told him about Billy's discreet attempts to get me to leave Edward long before he had left me. I explained that while he couldn't tell Charlie what was going on, Billy had done everything in his power to protect me, just as he had been trying to protect Charlie by not telling him about the supernatural world around him. That seemed to appease the majority of the anger he held for his best friend.

The worst of the conversation occurred when Charlie found out that I had spoken to Edward in person and alone. It took some time and a lot of convincing for him to see that I had to do it, that I had needed to say my piece.

Charlie had also apologized to me for the way Renee had acted. He told me that had he known she was going to say such things to me, he would have never told her where I was and would have insisted telling her about the girls with him present. He emphasized that he has never, and will never, see me as a mistake. A surprise, yes, but never did he regret that I was created. He told me that he was proud that Jacob had stood up to him to protect me from more pain and heartache.

Charlie had finally thanked Jacob for taking care of me and apologized for how he had treated him. He and Billy were now planning their next fishing trip for this weekend.

Charlie was more than delighted when Jacob and I walked into the station carrying the girls. He cheerily walked to us and took Charlotte from my arms so he could show her off to Molly, the receptionist, and Mark, his deputy, and anyone else who was there. As soon as everyone had met Charlotte, he had come for Juliana and done the same.

"Hey Charlie, we're going to head back to the rez but Billy wanted me to tell you to come to our place for dinner tonight. He wanted to do a kind of family dinner thing with Rach, Paul, you, Sue, Bella, the girls and me since it has been a few days since he's seen his granddaughters," Jacob spoke while buckling Charlotte into her carrier and handing her a pacifier.

"Sounds good, son. See you two later," he said and then kissed my forehead.

"Love you, Bells."

"Love you, too, Dad."

When we pulled up to Emily's, I caught sight of someone sitting on the porch that had me tensed and anxious. I hadn't seen her since the day Embry looked at her. She looked nothing like the Leah I had grown used to seeing. Her hard exterior was stripped away. Truthfully, she looked like shit.

I climbed out of the Rabbit slowly and took the carrier out from the backseat while Jake took the other. As we walked back to the house, Leah stood and walked to us.

"Bella?" She said in a voice I'd never heard from her; it was almost timid. "Do…I know you told…you said that you…could we talk?" She said, stumbling on her words in a very un-Leah like manner. I was so thrown with the way she was acting I couldn't even form thoughts to answer her.

I felt Jake move up next to me and take the carrier from my hand. He was looking down at me when I finally registered what he was doing. His eyes were focused on Leah, calculating her.

"Leah, you good, you controlled?" He asked her, his voice firm.

She nodded at him and he turned to look at me. His eyes were pleading with me but in my confusion I couldn't understand his reason.

"Just talk to her," he said softly. "If you want I'll stay with you, you know, just in case."

"It's okay, Jake," I said, laying my hand on his arm, "If I see her shaking, I'll walk away. I think she just needs to talk to someone alone and you being there won't help."

"Okay, I'm going to take the girls and Rach back home now. Just come over when you're done," he finished with a kiss to my temple he gave a hard look to Leah and walked into the house with a carrier in each hand.

I didn't move but I raised my eyes to Leah and just stared at her. I couldn't read her; not that I ever really could. She always had a mask on, made sure it was firmly in place to keep everyone out, to keep them from finding out the pain she was in. But now her mask was gone; she was stripped bare and showing everything but I couldn't read it.

Jake and Rachel walked out of Emily's, Jake carrying the girls and Rachel carrying a small duffle bag and the diaper bag.

"Leah, you do anything to hurt her and you will wish for death, so watch yourself." Jake's voice boomed out fiercely. Both Rachel and Jacob threw glances at Leah and I, but said nothing more as they got into the Rabbit and pulled out of the drive way.

"Where do you want to talk?" I finally asked when she said nothing.

"Let's go to the beach," she sighed and turned, heading down the well-worn path. I followed silently, unsure in every step because I didn't know what to expect. I knew this talk was a long time coming but now it wasn't over what I originally thought it would be.

She walked onto the beach and found the same spot Sam and I had sat at so long ago. She took her spot and immediately her shoulders slumped and she put her face in her upturned palms and rubbed roughly. I took my place near her as silently as I could and waited, trying to buck up the courage to speak.

"Leah, before you say anything, I have something to say to you." Her head whipped up and she stared at me. It was then that I really saw her eyes. They were puffy and dull. She looked worse than Jake did this afternoon when he woke me up from my nap.

"I have wanted to speak to you for a while now and I haven't gotten the chance and then when I did, I was too afraid to approach you." I paused to collect my thoughts and watched as her brows furrowed.

"The day…when Jake…I know when we talked before, you said that you wanted Jake to imprint on me. When it happened and I was trying to tell you all…I felt so bad for you, I felt like I had betrayed you. That's…that's why I apologized to you, because I got something you could never get. I got the person I wanted and you…you have to watch him with his imprint. I thought afterwards that you were angry with me so I gave you your space but…I really liked talking to you Leah.

"I can see this amazing person under this persona you try to exude to make sure no one gets in or comes close. You are fierce, brave, loyal, strong and passionate. I know you would make a wonderful friend but I know there may just be too much between us for that to ever happen but I want you to be happy. Happy in the life you have, the life you could have but when Jake imprinted on me, I felt like that stopped anything between us other than animosity from forming."

"Did you mean what you said to Embry?" She asked me. I didn't miss the way she said his name with a deep sadness.

"I said a lot of things to Embry. What specifically are you talking about?"

"When he told…he said that you wanted to be there for him and you even want to be there for me?"

"Yeah, I meant it. Like I just said, I thought we could have been friends but now that I'm 'one of the enemy' and you hate me, I guess that isn't happening," I sighed in resignation.

"Swan, you think I hate you 'cause Jake imprinted on you? You just said that I told you I wanted him to imprint on you and he did. Why would I be mad at you for that? I was shocked, sure, but never was I mad at you or did I hate you. Bella, I've never hated you. Resented you, yeah sure, but not hate. But I understand you a lot better now and most of the stuff I resented you for wasn't even your fault."

"Leah, what happened with you and Embry? I mean, I know somewhat from what Jake told from Embry's thoughts but that doesn't explain your half. I mean, after he spoke to you, you pulled completely out of your life, out of pack life," I asked her, trying to get to the heart of the matter.

"How'd you figure it out, that he, you know, liked me?"

"The day after I spoke to Edward, you were sitting at the table next to Seth after everyone ate breakfast, waiting for lunch; you had your back to the door. When Embry walked in the room, he scanned it. As his eyes landed on you, I saw something flash in them, something that reminded me of Jake a long time ago. Just as quickly, he buried it and looked like he had before. I knew then that he was hiding something; something about his feelings about you.

"So, when he was bringing me back from my appointment, I thought it was a good opportunity to find out what that was. I mean, if it was enough for him to hide it from the pack-which I was sure he was doing because he wouldn't have so quickly tried to bury what I saw-then it was important and I didn't want him to have to hide a part of himself."

"So, what happened when he told you?" I asked hesitantly, knowing how Embry perceived her reaction.

"At first, I was just stunned. I couldn't believe what he was saying. It was impossible. I mean, I live in his head and I knew that he never thought about any of that, ever. So, I thought he was pulling my leg; using me for some goddamned pack prank. It pissed me off but I kept listening to what I thought was a ridiculous and pointless rant.

"Then he started talking about how he spent almost every waking moment since the fall suppressing these feelings and thoughts from his conscious mind to keep them out of the pack collective, to keep them from me. Then I knew what he was saying was true. I was angry again because he was keeping this from me and it just pissed me off. Again, a man in my life was keeping vital information about me from me. First, it was Sam not telling me about being a wolf and then keeping the imprint from me. Then my secret heritage was thrust upon me at the cost of my father and now Embry has been keeping this from me for nearly a year. I mean, if you hadn't seen that look then he would still be keeping that a secret. He only told me because he knew he couldn't keep it out of the pack mind. You forced him to tell me. So, yeah, I was furious and I punched him and told him to stay away from me," she ended in a huff and then expelled a long breath of air.

"Why'd you lock yourself in your room for two weeks?"

"You're kidding me, right? I stayed in my room because I knew if I left, I'd feel the goddamn urge to phase and there was no way in hell I was going to do that. I had enough to deal with, without having to hear the opinions and advice of my fellow pack members. I needed to deal with all of this on my own, work it out by myself. The thoughts were enough in my own head; I didn't need a dozen others in there as well."

"What did you need to work out?" She sent me a scathing look. "Hey, you were the one who wanted to talk to me. So, if this isn't what you wanted to talk about then start talking," I shot back at her.

"Sorry, okay? It's just…I haven't really had really anyone to talk to since Sam imprinted and…I lost the person I shared everything with. So, I haven't shared anything with anyone willingly in a very long time. The last time I opened up was with you the night Seth imprinted and the time before that was with Emily talking about how worried I was about Sam and my relationship the night before I lost him to her. This isn't easy but I need to talk about it with someone and you're all I've got."

"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" I reiterated in a much more soothing manner.

"Embry," she said with confusion laced in each syllable but didn't say any more.

"What about Embry? About what he said or what you feel about what he said?" I asked, trying to prompt her.

"I just don't get it; I don't see it at all. I mean he's Embry. He's quiet, shy, patient, caring and level-headed. I'm bitchy, angry, argumentative, loud and short-tempered. How does someone as nice as him fall in love with someone as abrasive as me? I can't see it," she said, looking up at me after she dropped her gaze to ponder her question on the beach.

"I think he knows that you are all those things, but I also think he sees the things you are trying to hide; the person you are under all your pain and anger. The person you buried the day Sam told you he couldn't be with you anymore; the person you made sure was behind a titanium enforced wall the day you saw him and Emily together. He sees all the bad and the good you hide and he loves it all. He loves you as a total package and not the sum of your good parts."

"But why? I was so mean to him. I spent all of my energy finding ways to torment him for months. I would literally sit at home when I wasn't on patrol and think of things to think to torture him. What kind of screwed up person falls for someone like that?" She sounded out in disbelief that he could actually love her.

"You could say the same thing about, Jake. I mean, I wasn't the prize catch when he fell in love with me. But we both know that he didn't just fall in love with the broken girl I was. He saw all the broken pieces and he figured out a way to put them together and he fell in love with the girl I was becoming with each piece that he reassembled. He loved the girl I was before Edward, the broken girl I was after and the girl he was helping me to become. He loved the entire package, just like I believe Embry loves your entire package."

"Why did you pick on him specifically?" I asked her, curious now that I had heard how much effort she actually put into her abuse of him.

"He was the easiest in the pack mind, I guess. I tortured Sam by replaying memories of us together but that only went so far as it would cause memories of him and Emily together to slip out and I didn't want that. Plus, he was my Alpha and it went against my instincts. All I could really bug Paul about were his whorish ways and his absentee father, both of which never bothered him. So, I couldn't get a rise out of him. I tried with Jared a couple of times but I could never get anything big enough on him. With Jacob, I could have teased him about you but that really didn't work because he would beat my ass whenever I brought you up in any way negative and my wolf also sees him as rightful Alpha so it was kinda the same as Sam. I wasn't going to do anything to Seth and Quil hadn't phased yet, so I went after Embry. I had loads of information to go off from the pack mind and I took it all and turned it on him. By the time Quil, Collin and Brady phased, I had found my perfect target and let them be. Well, that was until Quil imprinted. I gave him a lot of grief for that being as it was my cousin's kid but even that lost its desired effect. So, I stuck with Embry. Well, until you left. With you gone and Jake gone, I just couldn't do that to him anymore; there was other stuff in the pack that was more important. Plus, I was just repeating myself. I mean, really, you can only use the same stuff so many times before it doesn't bother anyone anymore."

"So, through all of the torment you put him through, did you ever see him as anything other than a pack brother or aggression reliever?"

"I kept up my torment act a lot longer than I needed to. I knew he was a nice guy, I just…there really is nothing great about being a wolf for me. I don't get anything out of this life that makes any portion of my life better, doing what I did to him took some of the pain and suckiness away."

"Leah, how do you feel about Embry? I mean, really feel?" I asked.

"I…I can't feel what I feel about him, so it doesn't matter," she said and then looked down at the beach again.

"Why can't you feel it?" I was confused. Sure, she hadn't admitted what she felt, but the fact that she was denying whatever it was meant it was big.

"I don't think I love him, not like he says he loves me but I like him more than anyone else in the pack. I mean, he's the only one who never tells me to shut up and drop it when I'm in a particularly bad mood. He always has nice things to say about everyone and he is gorgeous, just like the rest of the pack. But even if I loved him, I shouldn't feel it nor can I feel it. It just won't work for us," she said with a shrug.

"You mean because of imprinting?"

"Yeah, I'd be incredibly stupid to ever get involved with another wolf. I don't know if I'll ever imprint or even if he will but even the chance of it keeps me from getting in any relationship, let alone one with a wolf."

"When you asked me if I thought Jake was worth the risk of a relationship despite the lack of an imprint, did you mean that? Do you think you are worth the risk? Do you think Embry is worth the risk?"

"No, I'm…what is so great about me that he'd risk that pain? He's been in my head. He saw what it did to me. He's your friend; he saw for himself what the worry did to you. Why would he even risk it?"

"Maybe to him you are worth it," I said simply as her eyes widened a little.

"I know I'm going to sound like a hypocrite right now, but you know not all wolves imprint. With five of the twelve wolves imprinted, the chance that anyone else will is highly unlikely." I tried to sound confident but I knew she could hear the lack of it in my voice.

"Right, so are we going to ignore the fact that two of those imprints happened within days of each other not even a month ago or the fact that two of the twelve haven't even been wolves for three full weeks? They haven't been allowed to see if anyone is their imprint. They can't be trusted to really be out in public yet. You can't say it's rare or that it won't happen again."

"Well, I could say that Jake was supposed to imprint last year but yeah I get your point. I don't know, I just feel like there is a very good possibility if you or Embry haven't imprinted by now, that you won't imprint.

"I'm not you and I can't make your decisions for you, but if you feel anything for him, anything beyond friendship, then give him a chance, even if it is a small chance. Leah, you more than anyone I know, deserve your chance at happiness. Embry could be your chance. He could be your real chance at something resembling a happy life. Or he could be your chance to finally move on from the cluster-fuck Sam left you in. Whatever it is, just talk to him, please.

"His biggest reason for not wanting to tell you was because of his fear of you rejecting him. And I don't mean rejecting his love but not even listening to him and what did you do? You hit him and ordered him to stay away from you. Please, just talk to him?"

"You really think he'd make me happy?"

"He's Embry; of course, I think he'd make you happy. He would make it his priority to make sure you were happy." It was simple to me. Embry was a lot like Jake; when he loved you, you were his top priority, even above himself.

"Just give him a chance, Leah. You won't know if you never give him a chance."

"But what if he imprints after I've fallen in love with him? What if I imprint? I can't live that life again."

"As much as you'd hate it happening, it wouldn't be the same. You'd know why he left or he'd know why you left. Yes, it would blow big time and I'm not saying it wouldn't fucking kill you. But, Leah, think about this. What if you never give this a shot? You just let this chance pass you by and both of you never imprint. How would you feel in ten, twenty, thirty years from now when you are still afraid to let anyone in and you let him pass you by when he was willing to fight for you?"

Leah stared down at the sand, not moving an inch. I knew she was considering what I'd said. I sighed quietly.

"Go talk to him. At least put him out of some of his misery. He thinks that he has destroyed the entire pack by telling you. Other than his scheduled patrol, he stays holed up in his house or working on the bedroom when Seth and Sam aren't there."

She nodded and took a deep breath.

"Okay. I will. I'll talk to him." She sounded like she was psyching herself up for it. "Let's get you back to your wolf and your cubs," she said as she stood and waited for me.

"You don't have to bring me back, Leah. I can walk myself; it's just down the beach."

"Yeah and I'd have the entire pack on my ass, not to mention my mother, Billy and Charlie as well for letting you walk alone. Sorry, Swan, but you aren't getting rid of me that easily."

**A/N:** **Please let me know what you think, I really do appreciate what you have to say.** Last chapter I forgot to add this. Thank you to MrsJasperWhitlock2009 for being my 700th reviewer. Also thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Though I may not reply to everyone, I do read them all and they really keep me motivated to produce the best chapters. Thank you to everyone who has set this story to their favorites, alerts or if you just read it. It really means a lot to me.


	29. Mountains of Boxes and War of Words

Standard disclaimer applies: All works related to the Twilight universe are property of Ms. Meyers and I am not she.

A/N: *peeks out from behind screen* I have to apologize profusely for the very long wait, I didn't intend for it to happen. Real life and the death of Bella muse voice for quite a long time caused the delay. I hope from now on to continue the bi-monthly updates.

Ch. 29

Mountains of Boxes and A War of Words

I wasn't myself today. Normally, I was calm, cool and collected. I'm a very level headed person. But right now, at this moment, I was anything but. I was absolutely ecstatic and between bouncing my foot in impatience and bouncing in my chair with excitement. I looked like a five year old on ten pixie sticks and a keg of caffeinated soda.

"Calm down, Bells, or you're going to jump out of your skin or break the chair." Jake gave me an endearing grin and a shake of his head at my never ending bouncing foot and occasionally bouncing body while we were in the waiting room.

Today was the day-finally. It wasn't that I didn't like living with Sam and Emily. I did. It was great to have another, or several, sets of hands to help with the girls when I was still left with a cast on my hand and limited in the things I could do. But now, now I was free. Finally, after six weeks of being less mobile, unable to do some very basic things, I was being set free. My cast was coming off. It was so freaking awesome.

Not only was my cast coming off but mine and Jacob's bedroom was finished. So after my doctor's appointment to get the cast cut off and my arm assessed, we were moving everything from Sam and Emily's to the Black's-my home.

I was finally going to be able to be with him, under our own roof. The girls would be in their own room, and we'd all have space. Not much by any means but all the baby stuff could stay in the nursery and I would have the ability to organize my clothes myself.

Everything that had been stored in the garage was now coming out to find a home. If Jake, Billy or I couldn't use it then it was going to go to people who could.

"Can't help it, I'm so excited," I quickly breathed back, still bouncing in my chair.

"Sure, and this has nothing to do with the three cokes you had at lunch," he chuckled to himself.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, wolf-boy." He just stared at me and did that eyebrow thing that drove me crazy with desire. "Okay, I admit they may have helped but no," I smiled back at him. "I just feel like this is…like, we are now starting our life together. Billy said that I get to organize the house how I see fit and…"I had to take a deep breath.

Jake gave a bark of laughter. "Only you, Bells, would be this excited about organizing and cleaning that place." He shook his head in mock disbelief. "I know that it has been driving you absolutely batty to not have things where you want them, but that's just one of the reasons I love your crazy ass." I just stuck my tongue out at him.

I truthfully had been waiting for this day since I was drug to the local hardware store to pick out paint for both the bedroom and nursery. The girls (Emily, Kim and Rachel) and I had fun picking out the perfect colors for each room. It was while I was imagining the way the room would look, the way it would be when I was living there with Jacob that had started to build this current level of mania.

Picking out paint and finding a new duvet to cover our new bed, it gave me a sense of peace-even in all this chaos that is my life-which I had never felt before. I wasn't just picking out paint and fabric. I was creating my home, my home with Jacob and our daughters.

So, of course I was excited. I hadn't decorated my room since I was twelve and living with Renee in Phoenix. Even then, she had taken that over and I didn't even end up picking out the paint I wanted.

After the cast was cut off and I was fit with a temporary brace-one that allowed the movement of my hand-we drove in the truck to Emily and Sam's to get the remainder of my things.

When it was decided that today was move in day, Kim and Jared volunteered to watch Jules and Lottie- well, it was more like Kim volunteered the both of them-for the day. Now, Jake and I had the whole day to ourselves, just us, to move in and get our room and the girls' nursery situated. What was even better was that Sam had given Jake the day off as well. I was looking forward to the uninterrupted hours of alone time, even if all we'd be doing was unpacking and doing house chores.

It all just sounded so wonderfully normal and mundane.

Together, Jake and I worked in companionable silence. He would bring the boxes and other items in from the truck and the garage and I would go through them. I became highly unimpressed with Seth and Embry's packing skills. I could tell they did it without any order or organization and they didn't even write which room the contents had come from.

I tried not to be upset with them, knowing they had packed everything as quickly as possible and that didn't necessarily allow for any order but having things from multiple rooms in a single box was leaving me frazzled. But, my patience and acceptance of facts was blown completely out the window when I opened a box and found my dishes, silverware, glasses, some pots and pans and the entirety of my panty drawer.

"Seriously?" I asked the air incredulously as if I would get answers on how this even happened. "What is wrong with those boys?"

"Wrong with whom, Bells?" Jake asked as he carried in another box and the baby swing. The little thrill that shot through me at the sight of it almost completely overshadowed my overwhelming frustration that was becoming the chaos of unpacking everything-I had missed that thing, it had worked miracles for me.

"Look at the packing job of your idiotic brothers," I said, while motioning at the box.

Jake walked over, peered over the top and burst out into full belly laughs; he even looked like he was going to go crashing to the floor. I narrowed my eyes at him, not finding it nearly as funny as he did.

"That's what that was all about," he continued to laugh and I had no clue what he was going on about.

He must have seen my look of confusion. "After they came back, after all the drama with Seth imprinting and everything, Sam had them go over their trip down to your apartment and then the trip up. You know, to try to see if they had missed anything dealing with the parasite. They replayed their memories normally until they got to your apartment and the packing things. We didn't get any images but we got the horror and revulsion of something they found and then quickly packing it so they didn't have to see it. They both phased out before we could grill them and refused to talk about it. Then the Cullens came back and it was forgotten.

"Man, I can just see Embry and Seth opening up your dresser, screaming out in shock and then quickly running to the nearest open box and dumping it in there and taping it shut whether it was full or not and then treating the box like it contained hazardous waste." He laughed to himself again but it fell a bit when he saw my less than pleased expression. "Bells, come on, you gotta give them a break. Those two see you as their sister and I can promise you, no brother wants to take a peek at their sister's panties and even less so, pack them carefully. Ugh." He shivered at the thought and then wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close.

"Come on, Bells, isn't it the littlest bit funny to you? So, they were disgusted with the idea of getting near your unmentionables, at least they didn't paw through them like Quil would have done." He continued to smile toothily at me. "'Cause you know if they did, I'd have to kill 'em and no one wants that mess. I mean, all that blood, and I know how you hate blood and then trying to hide the body especially with the pack's super senses. You'd have to lie for me, and 'cause you're such a terrible liar, I'd be found out, and then where would we be?" He sighed in mock agitation but I could see the mirth thick in his eyes and I finally caved and laughed with him.

"Okay, so it's a little funny and you are a strange man," I acquiesced with a small smile, even though I was annoyed with the unorganized packing.

"Now, let's see what we got here." He began to finger through the box much to my embarrassment. I felt my cheeks heat and I knew I was now sporting a brilliant blush. "I missed this little number," he said as he brought up a tiny red number I wore before my body exploded because of my daughters. I could feel his eyes roving my form as I assumed he was picturing me in said article. I quickly reached up and pulled it from him. He moved to grab another one from the box and I began grabbing all that I could see and then I rushed to our bedroom and stuffed everything that was in my arms into the top drawer. I'd put them in there how I wanted later, when Jake wasn't around.

I walked back to Jake and the pile of boxes I had to go through. Jake was standing by the box holding up a large pair of panties I had worn towards the end of my pregnancy, they didn't even look like they'd fit me now.

"Bells, why do you have someone else's panties?" He inquired as he stretched them to their full size. I angrily marched over to him, stomping feet and all, and snatched them from him and went over to the garbage to chuck them.

He quirked his brow at me. "Just because they look a little large doesn't mean they are someone else's. I wore those just before the girls were born," I mumbled out.

"How big were you?" He asked, amazed, I became upset. I hadn't taken my growing size with grace when I was pregnant nor had I even thought rationally about it. I hated every pound I put on and every inch I stretched. If I had thought rationally, I would have realized that I was carrying twins from an exceptionally large man. Of course they would have stretched my body beyond what I felt looked natural for my tiny frame, and of course I would gain weight. I've never been known for rational thinking in stressful situations and my pregnancy was one of the most stressful.

I have always had low self-esteem even before Edward. But with Jacob, the way he looked at me before I became pregnant (or really before I realized it) made those insecurities go away. When he looked at me with those dark penetrating eyes I felt beautiful and flawless. But when my body started to show the changes my pregnancy was causing, all of that went out the window. My insecurities came back with a vengeance and even grew and I still hadn't gained any confidence back.

So, Jacob asking a question I'm sure was just a curious inquiry made all those latent insecurities flame up and upset me.

"Oh, honey, I didn't mean it like that." He sighed and moved to me, taking my hand in his. "All I meant was…I guess…I saw you before you knew and after you came back, I've seen the girls, and I guess I'm just curious about what you looked like-you know, round with my children…that's all I was asking. I'm sure you were a gorgeous pregnant woman-you are always beautiful."

"You really just want to know what I looked like?" I looked in his eyes and saw something flicker in there that I had seen only rarely and had never learned its meaning. He quickly schooled his face and the emotion was gone, replaced by the all- consuming love that almost always shone from him.

"Yeah, I do," he whispered and then dropped a small kiss to my lips.

"Okay, just give me a sec." With an idea forming on how I could do just that, I grabbed the nearest still closed box and cut it open. I appraised its contents and moved to the next till I found what I was looking for. I grabbed it and walked to our bedroom. I pulled my shirt of and put the item I had grabbed over my head. I grabbed a full size pillow and a smaller one from our bed and placed them under what I now wore. After a quick glance in the mirror, I deemed it close enough and walked back out to Jacob.

"Now, it's not perfect and you have to remember I was a bit bigger and firmer, more round looking and maybe a little softer everywhere else, but this is pretty close to what I looked like just before the girls were born." I walked to him as he stared at my belly, nervous of what he would think of how I looked-or, well, used to look.

The closer I got, just staring at his expression, fearful of what I saw; I was blown away when that look was in his eyes again swirled with so many other emotions. It made my heart clench and a rather large lump form in my throat. His eyes were full of protective love, burning passion and amazement and so much more. He slowly brought his hand up to my pillow belly and palmed it gently to not distort the shape.

As he stared at me in one of my maternity tops with two pillows underneath, running his hand over my pillow belly like he would have done had I not run away, guilt and shame bubbled up in me and I felt the tears as they fell silently from me. I bit my lip to stop the sob that wanted to escape. I looked away to avoid any more emotions in his eyes as they would stab at my already guilty conscience.

He inhaled and then stilled, I knew he smelt my tears but I couldn't face him at the moment and fled to the bedroom shutting the door behind me. I quickly threw the pillows onto the bed and whipped the shirt off. I wanted to collapse on the bed and give in to the tears, but I didn't. I decided to get busy instead.

I had already moved several boxes of my clothes from the shopping day with Sam and the girls into the bedroom to be put away and other things like sheets and blankets for the bed. I was grateful that while in California I had purchased a fairly nice queen sized bed. It was one of my more extravagant purchases, but at the time the size of my belly, and the inability to sleep on anything that wouldn't allow me to stretch out completely sprawled out, didn't allow me to think of getting a smaller, cheaper bed-whereas before my babies caused me to balloon I had been sleeping on my couch.

It had been one of my better ideas and now that Jake and I had a large enough room, we could actually put it to use. I grabbed the laundered sheets from the box and began to make the bed. I had just finished securing the fitted sheet and was moving to the top sheet when a hot hand shot out and grabbed my wrist to stop me.

He turned me to face him but I didn't look up to meet his eyes; I couldn't because I had cried the silent tears the entire time I made the bed. My guilt and shame churned in my belly like a heavy rock.

"Bells," he whispered. Unlike normally when he would curl his fingers under my chin and force me to look up at him, he dropped to his knees so that I was looking at him. I almost, almost, looked up to avoid his ever knowing eyes, but I didn't and met his worried gaze.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He implored as he stared at me. He brought his hands up and cupped my cheeks, his thumbs wiping soothingly at the evidence of my tears and I felt guiltier.

"I'm so stupid and so very, very sorry, Jacob," I cried out, somewhere between a sob and a sigh.

"What do you have to be sorry for? I wanted you to do that; I'm glad you did that."

"No, I'm sorry that because I was a complete imbecile I took your chance away to actually experience that, to actually feel them inside me, to feel them when they decided to play soccer in my stomach or just to let me know they were uncomfortable in the position I was in. I'm so sorry you didn't get to lay your ear there and listen to their heartbeats or talk to them. I was so stupid and I took that all away from you-hell I took it all away from me as well and no matter how sorry I am or how much I want to go back and change all that, I can't and you'll never get to have those things and I hate myself for it. If I would have just let go of Edward sooner then maybe you would have imprinted on me sooner. Or if I let that fucking fear drop and just lived my life then…why don't you hate me for all of this? Why did you forgive me so easily? I…God, Jake…" I brought my hand up into my hair in frustration and for a release of too many emotions and looked to the ceiling to break my gaze from his.

"Stop," Jake ordered and I froze. He pulled my hands from my hair, holding them in one of his and took his other hand to force me to look at him again.

"You have to stop this, Bells. You have to quit kicking yourself with the 'what if's'. You think I should hate you- I don't, I can't. You ran away because you were scared and that nearly killed me, but Bells, I understand now, I get it, I've forgiven you. I know you want to undo the hurt you caused by your actions and give back experiences you took, but you can't give any of that back. But letting this guilt eat away at you…

"Bells, I didn't get to experience your pregnancy with the girls and I am sad about that but I can also live with it because I know I will not miss another one of your pregnancies. I will get to experience laying my hand on your belly and feeling our child kick or placing my ear against it and hearing the heart beat as I talk to our child. I will be there as you bring our child into the world and hear as he or she screams to make their presence known. But remember you came back, and now I do get to experience a lot of things with the girls with you. They are almost rolling over and soon they'll be crawling and we can look forward to when they start to stand and walk and talk. We'll get to hear them say mama and dada together. But, if you keep getting torn up because of all this guilt you won't get to enjoy any of it because the past is eating at you. I need you to let it go because I have. You can say every what if in the book but that doesn't fix those sins. All we have to look forward to is our future. Bells, please, .GO." His eyes bored into mine, willing me to do as he asked. But, I had a nagging thought I just couldn't get rid of and I had to ask it before I could do what he wanted.

"Jake…do you think-I mean, do you believe that you would have forgiven me so easily if you hadn't imprinted on me? I mean, do you see me differently than you did before the imprint?" I needed to know how the imprint was different for us because I didn't feel any differently towards him. I loved him just as much as I did before. I didn't feel altered.

"Okay, how do I put this? You know what imprinting does for the wolf, right?" He looked at me for a moment but then continued on. "The drive of the wolf and man to make sure the imprint is protected and happy and to do anything to ensure that and the need to be near them. Yes, love comes into play but that usually grows from those other things. Sam didn't love Emily instantly and neither did Jared, Quil, Paul or Seth love theirs instantly either. But it was different for me.

"I loved you before I became a wolf. All those drives that come with an imprint were already there because I loved you; they just became enhanced with the imprint. I wasn't changed when the imprint occurred, the wolf was. While he felt the desire to ensure your safety and happiness with the imprint it expanded exponentially. The need for you all grew with the wolf but I already had all of that. As for forgiving you-I forgave you long before I imprinted. Hell, I think I forgave you the moment I looked at you in Sam's lawn. When you told me your reasons out by the cliffs and I went off on you about how I wanted to hate you, I had already forgiven you at that point and I was angry with myself that I had done so, so easily. I thought that forgiving you that quickly made me a naïve, love struck fool and so I chose to avoid you rather than let you in again. I'm sorry I did that to you but, Bells, honey, nothing made me forgive you other than my love for you. Quit worrying that what I feel and the things I've done since the imprint are because of it. I would have done all of this regardless. I think the only reason I imprinted was because you needed me to; once you were free and open, you needed me to imprint on you so that you could feel safe.

"Now, could you please do me a favor and quit belittling the woman I am in love with?" He joked with a lightness that eased some of the strain on my heart and conscience.

"Honey, will you please quit beating yourself up over the past? It's time we move on," he asked again and this time I relaxed and nodded as I tried to get rid of the thoughts that have eaten at me since I chose to leave. I knew it was going to take time, but I think the more things we share when it comes to the girls, the more things we experience together will help me to forgive myself even if it all. I don't think they will ever leave me completely.

"Good. Now, where were you?" He asked as his hands fell from my face to ghost down my neck to my shoulders. He massaged them gently and remained silent as he stared at me with his burning, hungry eyes.

"Well, I _was_ trying to make the bed," I intoned as I motioned back to the bed.

"Um hmm." His hands had fallen down my shoulders, down my arms, landed on my hips where he squeezed and then moved to possess each cheek with each hand. He dropped to sit on his heels and lifted me to straddle him at the same time.

He did nothing but engulf me with his eyes; the fire had increased within them and my hands which were firmly resting on his biceps felt his body heat increase incrementally. It was making my blood boil and my desire rise. Everything that had happened before was gone. My breathing had turned into panting as I stared back at him and waited for him to move.

"Let me help you with that," he groaned huskily and vaulted us to the bed, landing over me with one hand braced to stop himself from crushing me and crashed his lips to mine. I squeaked in response and then I immediately opened my mouth to let him in, to let him claim all he could reach. I needed him to take possession of me.

His hand that was still on my butt moved, up my back to my bra closure. The arm that had held him up fell to his elbow and the hand moved to the front. He deftly unhooked the hooks in the back and pulled it free with the hand in the front.

I groaned into his warm, wet mouth as he palmed at both breasts and then tweaked each nipple roughly between his fingers. I was running my nails up and down the expanse of his back, clawing him to get closer.

Impatiently, I moved my hands to the enclosure of his cutoffs. I needed him and now. I brought my feet up and around his waist to help me push them off of him as he had arched up off of me to take my shorts off as well.

It was going to be fast and hard and exactly what I needed and wanted. I didn't want slow and gentle right then. I needed him to take and claim me; to possess every cell in my body as his.

As I pushed his shorts around the sumptuous curve of his ass as my fingers greedily claimed each revealed inch of skin, our bedroom door slammed open and Jake dove in attempt to cover my nearly naked body from view and growled lowly caused us both to vibrate.

"Jesus, fuck, you two go at it like rabbits. I'm surprised you don't have ten more sprogs running around this place already." The sarcastic reply I heard could have only come from Leah as I turned cherry red at her seeing Jake and I in such a situation, even though we were in _our_ bedroom.

"Goddamn it, Jake, could you please cover your naked ass? It's bad enough I catch a glimpse of it every so often when we phase but I don't need to see it like this," she shot off. I looked up and around Jake's shoulder to see her leaning impatiently against the door frame, leering at us.

"Uh…can I help you, Leah?" I asked, trying to find out why she interrupted us when I knew she probably heard us before she even reached the house. The question was: why hadn't Jake heard her?

"Yeah, I need to talk to you. The fucking idiot is driving insane and it's your fault he's my problem so now he's your problem." She sounded slightly embarrassed but I knew that was impossible, Leah was never embarrassed.

"Leah, get the fuck out of this room," Jake growled; he had been doing that since the moment he had moved his body over mine. I could tell from the sound of it that it was a warning growl to make sure she didn't come too close when I was vulnerable. He was twitching as well with restrained anger but still not moving so that I didn't become uncovered in any way.

"Fine, I'll wait in the living room. Hurry up, though. Don't think I won't come back in here if you two start going at it again." She walked back towards the living room but left the door open.

Jake finally climbed off of me, grumbling and swearing under his breath that sounded a lot like 'cock blocking bitch needs to get laid', and he helped me get off the bed. I stood on my tip toes and brushed my lips over his in apology to both of us.

"I'll go talk to her. You go get the rest of the stuff and bring it in, try to see what goes where and just put it in the room you think it belongs in. We'll get back to this later once the girls are in bed for the night, promise." I walked to a box that held some of my new clothes and pulled out a shirt. I pick up my discarded bra and redressed, making sure to grab a pair of sandals as I walked into the living room. I knew Leah wouldn't want to talk with Jake around.

When I walked into the living room and around the stack of boxes, Leah was sitting on the couch and her knees were nervously bouncing. When she saw me walk into the room, she shot up and silently headed for the front door. I stopped to put my shoes on and then followed her in silence. I knew she'd stop walking when she was either out of hearing range or ready to speak or some combination of both.

We quit walking when we reached the community center and sat on a bench outside. I was surprised when I saw that not many people were around.

"Labor Day weekend," she said as if she knew my thoughts. "Fishers and Loggers who get off like to either go up to Seattle or down to Portland for a vacation with their families."

"Oh, I keep forgetting that it's September already," I remarked, feeling stupid. I knew it was the end of August; of course Labor Day was coming up.

"Well, you have been living in a pack surrounded bubble since you came back, figures you'd lose track on the outside world."

"I guess, doesn't really matter. I don't have a job to enjoy the day off anyways."

"True, but it does mean that Seth, Collin, Brady, Adam and Lucas all start school on Tuesday and with Jake needing to help you with the girls and having to work as well that puts more patrol time on everyone else. And as sad as it is, thank god Quil and Embry decided not to go back to school once they finished their junior year. So glad they are going to get their GED's when all this shit is over with."

"Are you trying to make me feel shitty, 'cause you are doing a fabulous job of it, good on you," I tried to reply dryly. I had ruined two more people's education on my way to seven, shit, four of them were just starting their high school careers and they were already starting behind because of obligations out of their control; obligations that could call them out at a moment's notice for an undetermined amount of time.

"What? No, I'm not. You can't keep taking on all this guilt, Swan; it's not good for you. You are not responsible for everyone's choices. Quil and Embry could have gone back to school, they chose not to before you came back. That has nothing to do with you. And the others, well, Sam and the council will do everything in their power to help them stay in school and excel. It kind of helps that the council can give them passes out of class if needed."

"Speaking of being responsible for others' choices, how is Embry annoying you my problem? You are the one who agreed to give him a chance."

"Well you're the one who convinced me to do it. I wouldn't have even considered it if you hadn't given me the impassioned speech," she shot back.

"Leah," I sighed heavily. "What has Embry done that you need my help? I don't know what I can tell you that you wouldn't…I mean you have more experience in relationships and…"

"If you didn't notice, up until just over a week ago, the only relationship I have ever had was with Sam and as you know it didn't end the best. You have more relationship experience than I do, even with you being gone as long as you were."

"So what did Embry say or do that has you coming to me?" I asked again, not quite sure what to say to what she shared even though I knew all of that already.

"He won't leave me alone. I mean, I told him I was considering giving him a chance but I just needed time. Now he is on my ass everyday asking if I am ready and I…he is annoying the ever loving hell out of me."

Okay, this hadn't surprised me. I knew how much Embry felt for Leah, so her giving him a little hope that they could be something when previously he believed they'd never be anything would make him all that more eager to begin a relationship with her.

"You're upset because a boy that likes you and that you admitted to maybe liking yourself wants to date you and keeps asking?" I asked redundantly because I already knew the answer.

"Yes, Sherlock, that's what I just said. This whole thing is your goddamned fault anyway. It's your fault you talked to Embry and convinced him to tell me how he felt. And it's your fault you talked to me and made me give the annoying little bug a chance. So, don't look at me like I'm insane. This is as much your problem as it is mine. Now that you've insinuated yourself into this mess, you get to help me figure this shit out," she sighed, frustrated and aggravated.

"You were the one who came to me last week. You were the one who wanted my advice, don't blame me for you taking that advice. What is your problem? I do not understand it. I don't know how I can help you when I don't see a problem, other than the fact you haven't said yes to him when we both know you want to," I shot back at her.

"But…," she dropped off and lowered her eyes. I really had to get used to this unconfident form of Leah that I knew she showed no one else.

"But what?"

"I…I'm afraid. I've had one relationship and it's been so long, over three years since Sam imprinted, and I haven't even had so much as a meaningless one night stand since. I guess…I just…I don't know." She sighed and an evil little plan formed in my mind.

"So, at the moment you just want to talk and listen to some girl advice and a ton of girl talk to go with it?" I asked, already trying to figure out how I was going to convince her of the impossible.

"That is exactly what I want."

"You may not like this idea and, hell, I think you may even kill me, but I have a suggestion," I said vaguely, noticing I caught her interest.

I was completely surprised, in absolute total shock, that I had convinced Leah to even walk in the direction of Emily's house. She never went there unless she was ordered to or she was getting off shift and Sue lacked the food at their place to feed a wolf. But I hadn't just convinced her to go to Emily's, I had actually gotten her to agree to talk to Emily and Rachel. Something she rarely did and when she did, it was to level both with a biting retort. If she had been cold to me in the past, she was arctic with them.

I guess she really wanted advice on Embry, meaning she didn't want to screw up with him. That gave me a little bit of hope.

Now, I can't say I didn't have an ulterior motive when it came to the upcoming meeting, because I did. Today, when Jake and I were grabbing the last of mine and the girls' things, Emily pulled me aside while Sam and Jake were loading the truck and told me she planned on telling Sam about the baby that evening. She was starting to show and she didn't want to hide it from him anymore and I agreed with her.

The only thing with her telling Sam was that it wouldn't remain a secret, the pack would find out the instant Sam phased. And yes, Leah was maybe... sorta…possibly dating Embry now and yes, Sam and Leah hadn't been together in over three years, but I feared that if some scars and slights weren't repaired before the baby news got out that Leah would run.

It is kind of hard to get over your first love when he's not only shoved in your face daily but in your head as well and finding out he's having a baby with your former bestie/sister wouldn't make the wounds inflicted on you any easier to heal.

The time had come; we were all going to hash this out. Emily was going to tell Sam tonight about the baby. The moment he phased, the good news would hit the pack and I worried all hell would break lose. Sure, Leah was giving Embry a chance but that didn't mean she wouldn't freak when this came to light and push him away as far and fast as possible. Leah needed to get her feelings about Emily and Rachel off her chest; they were eating away at her. Did I expect her to have the relationship they had before? No, but I knew Leah couldn't continue being alone like she was. She needed a female support system.

"Sit," I pointed to the chair and ordered Leah to take the spot as we walked into the dining area.

I knew that Rachel would be at Emily's as her and Kim didn't have class today and Rachel was avoiding the Black's so that Jake and I could unpack. Both looked up at me shocked as I ordered Leah.

"Swan, you may be Baby Alpha's mate, but you can't order me around," she snapped back.

"Fine. Leah, will you please take a seat?" I responded back in a mockingly sweet tone, just to bug her. With a huff, she complied.

"What is going on?" Rachel asked worriedly as she and Emily came out of the kitchen. I guess they weren't expecting to see me the rest of the day as I was supposed to be unpacking.

"I brought Leah here for a couple of reasons. One, is that she came to me for boy advice and girl talk. While I know I could probably tell her what she wants to hear and I could maybe even do a decent job with girl talk, I know that it would be easier if she had more than just me to talk to and she got more than just my advice. With her being a wolf, it is difficult to find that outside of the pack and with the current feelings she has towards the two of you, she just avoids that female contact. Second, is that the animosity and pain between you three needs to be talked out. You've all carried hurt and resentment for far too long and kept your true feelings buried. So, I've convinced Leah to come here and get friendly female advice from two people that care deeply about her and Embry. But, I also did it because I feel that all the stuff that is between you three needs to get figured out. You can't hold onto all the anger, guilt and animosity you feel towards one another. So, we are all going to sit down and hash this all out. You are all going to say what you've buried no matter what you think the other's reaction will be." I saw the anger in Leah's eyes and the doubt in Emily and Rachel's.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, Swan. You've lost all your damned marbles if you think I'm doing any of that. Yes, I came here to get advice on Embry but there is no way in hell that I'm going to participate in this bullshit circle jerk you've cocked up. I believe I've said all I need to say and that they know my feelings on the issues you want them to talk about," she spat out and began to move so she could get out of her seat.

"You keep your ass planted, Leah," I ordered firmly, not taking no for an answer. "You've always made your feelings clear, you're right. But for once, have you actually talked and listened to their side? You've been so angry, I don't think you have. I know both Emily and Rachel have tried to apologize for hurting you but you refuse to listen. So, sit your ass back down and you are going to hear them out, and then they will hear you out. All of us, wolves and imprints are a pack and with this in the middle, we are divided. To the outside world, what you are, Leah, what our mates are, is a myth. We are all we have to lean on, all we have to support one another."

"Since when did the little meek swan grow a brass set?" Leah muttered from her slumped position in her chair. Emily and Rachel still looked a little shocked at what was about to happen.

"I think it had something to do with being in labor twenty-seven hours by myself," I replied to her rhetorical question. In truth, I didn't know where this newfound boldness and brashness was coming from. I just instinctively knew that I had to be firm and unrelenting when it came to Leah, and so that's what I was.

"Okay, the way I see it, all of this stems from one singular issue, so we are going to talk about Sam's imprint on Emily and everything that resulted from that. I don't want anyone to hold back no matter how much you think it will hurt. I think we should start with you, Leah, as you are the most aggrieved party."

"I have nothing to say to her, I believe she knows everything I feel," Leah snidely snapped, looking directly at Emily.

"You've only ever told her in hurt and anger, try telling her without the bitchy attitude." I sat back and just waited.

"You're not letting us leave until we do this, are you?" She asked me but didn't take her eyes off Emily; her tone suggested that it had been more of a statement than a question. I just shook my head and remained silent.

She gave a heavy sigh and took a moment it seemed to collect her thoughts. "I want to hate you," She paused and contemplated something. "…no, I want to feel indifferent towards you; to feel nothing when I see you either with Sam or alone. I want to never think about you, but I can't. When I look at you, I feel the sting of your betrayal almost as acutely as I did they day I found out you were moving in with Sam. You were my best friend, my cousin, my sister and you took the love of my life from me. As much as Sam hurt me when he imprinted on you and took you as his, your acceptance of him, your breaking of the 'girl code' was more painful and crueler than anything he did. You broke my heart more than Sam ever could have."

I couldn't ignore the tears that were running down all four of our faces. Leah's words weren't malicious or snarky. She really was speaking from the heart at the moment and I could see the guilt written in Emily's tear filled eyes. Leah continued.

"You knew how much I loved him, and how much I looked forward to our future, yet you chose to choose him. Yes, I know now that it was the imprint and I know he stalked you incessantly, but I also know that he told you what he was and what bond he had with you before you ever accepted him. You had a choice and you chose to hurt me. That is what hurts the most. And the sick part; the part I hate the most: I can't bring myself to hate you even though I have tried, a lot," she whispered the last few words so softly that I had to strain my ears to hear her.

Emily was wiping furiously at her cheeks to stop the flow of tears down them and biting her lip in what I assumed was an attempt to stop a sob from escaping.

"I-I-I know that you think I did…what I d-d-did with Sam was intentionally malicious. I didn't want to hurt you; I never want to hurt you. When I came to your house and Sam came over, I didn't know what was going on with him. His actions were as bizarre to me as they were to you. When he broke it off with you the next day, I was almost as heartbroken as you were. When I returned home, he came to me, telling me we were destined to be together, that our souls were now eternally bound.

"Not only was I furious and appalled with him for what he had done to you, I was freaked out. I knew Sam only briefly from his relationship with you, only have met him a handful of times and here he was, just hours after destroying you, declaring his undying love and devotion to me. I slammed the door in his face and thought that was the end of it. Boy, was I wrong. He came to my house every morning, begging me to give him a chance, that he needed me. I just thought he was insane, yelled at him to go back to La Push, to you, and then slammed the door in his face again. That went on for a week, every morning, me shutting the door in his face and him sitting outside waiting for me to accept him. Never once did I ever, ever even think I would give into him. I wouldn't do that to you, even if I had had feelings for him, which I didn't.

"After a week had passed, Sam came to my door with your dad and Old Quil. I refused Sam entrance but allowed the other two. They explained the legends to me. Told me Sam was a wolf designed to protect La Push from vampires. I think I laughed at them for fifteen or more minutes until I registered their serious expressions but still refused to believe them. They told Sam to show me, so all four of us went into the woods and Sam showed me. I fainted. I woke up with Sam hovering over me in my living room. I crawled away from him and demanded them tell my why this had anything to do with me and why Sam wouldn't leave me alone. All I wanted was for Sam to leave me alone.

"They then explained that Sam had imprinted on me that day in your living room. They gave me the standard explanation to what imprinting was. That Sam's wolf had chosen me and was bound forever to me, that he'd be whatever I needed. They asked that I move to La Push so that Sam didn't have to leave his duty as a protector to watch over me. I told them they were crazy, that I didn't want this, that I couldn't do this to you and wondered how Harry could even think that I would. Sam and I weren't going to be anything. I was firm in my decision and felt that Sam would finally take the hint that I wanted him gone. They explained that a long separation from me would be painful to Sam and would weaken him; he had to see me regularly to ensure my health, safety and happiness. I relented somewhat, not wanting to cause him pain, by saying he could come up and visit me once a week and we could maybe be friends."

Emily looked like she was going to say more but Leah interrupted her, fire burning in her eyes. "So, you admit it now. You admit that you could have been just friends with Sam, that if you had asked it of him, you could have been friends and you didn't have to betray me and stab me in the heart." Emily's mouth was opening and closing like she didn't know what to say but from what Jake had told me earlier in the day, I knew what I could say, I just didn't know what Leah would do when I said it.

"Leah, you've heard the standard story of imprinting more than once and even had it replayed most likely in the minds of the pack. You know that the wolves are what the imprint needs. Jake told me something today that I think supports that. He said that his wolf didn't imprint on me because it needed to tell Jake I was the one. Jake and the wolf already knew it. I didn't want Jake to imprint, ever, but Jake imprinted on me because I needed him to because I couldn't truly be happy with the possibility of it being someone else. I think the same could be said for the other wolves as well. Kim needed a man who was calm and quiet to her loud and boisterous so she got a relationship with Jared. Claire needed an older male figure, an older brother, around because her dad is gone most of the time, that's what Quil is for her. Emily may not have wanted Sam for a relationship, she may have only wanted him to be her friend because of you, but she may have needed to be loved by a man. She may have been ready to enter into a relationship, needed a relationship, so that is why their imprint went the way it did." I tried to reason with Leah because I knew what Emily had to say yet was only going to get worse. If Leah was this angry now, how bad was it going to get when it came to Emily telling her about agreeing to move to La Push to be with Sam?

"Can you please continue, Emily?" I asked. She was looking down dejectedly at the table, the tears falling, and she made no attempt to stop them now. Rachel's eyes moved quickly from Emily to Leah and quickly back to Emily. After I spoke, she looked at me and nodded.

"I…they didn't tell me I had much of a choice when it came to the imprint like they did with Quil and Claire and Paul and Rachel. I was basically told all imprints end up in romantic relationships and that I shouldn't fight it because it would make it worse for both of us. I still refused, only allowing Sam the weekly visit. I didn't see anyone from La Push until Sam's scheduled visit the next week. We had lunch and chatted idly but I could see so much in his eyes and it made me uncomfortable. The words that Harry and Old Quil told me kept reverberating in my thoughts and I hated them. I didn't want to be with Sam and I knew even only spending one day a week, that it would eventually happen; I could feel it and I hated myself for it. The next week when Sam came, I was determined to tell him to never come back, that I didn't want him to come back. So that's what I did. When he came to visit me, I met him outside my house next to the woods where I knew he arrived from. I didn't want to invite him in and give him the belief that he was welcome. I told him pointe blank that I thought it wasn't a great idea that he came around anymore, that I didn't want to see him again. He became frantic and angry, trying to talk me into seeing him again, that he couldn't stand not seeing me daily. I responded that he had done just fine in the last week and he confessed that he had still come by daily to check up on me. I yelled at him again, moved in close and kept poking my finger into his chest, calling him a stalker and a freak. I backed up a little when I saw his eyes but I didn't get far enough away fast enough and before I knew it, my world went black in pain and I woke up forever to bear these scars.

"Sam was at my side every moment of every day that he could. The self-hate and pain in his eyes tore at me. He blamed himself for my scars when it was I who pushed him to that point. I knew as I watched him during my stay in the hospital that I had accepted the eventuality of the imprint; that I would be going home with him, to La Push. I knew that when the truth came out, I would destroy you, Leah, but I wouldn't put him through any more pain when all the light in his eyes was gone because of me. I didn't want to destroy you or want for you to hate me but somehow, seeing his eyes as dead and blank as they were, it didn't matter as much. I don't know if it was the imprint or what it was even but I couldn't hurt him any more than I had.

"I guess these scars are the karmic retribution for getting what you loved even though it hadn't been either of our choices. Maybe I got them for realizing I would have given in to him no matter what. I don't truly know, but for all the pain they have caused, the fact that I'm ostracized from other people who can't see past the scars, I know it doesn't even compare to what you've been put through. I know there is nothing I can ever say or do to make you forgive me or get back even a portion of the relationship we once had as much as I want that; I know it's not possible." Emily finished speaking but she was no longer silently crying nor was she looking at Leah.

"So you chose to be with Sam out of guilt and obligation? Not because you loved him, not because when he looked at you everything in the world faded away? Did you even like him when you moved here and threw nearly twenty years of sisterhood away, your family away, like it was shit on your shoe? Did you even like him the first time you fucked him? Did it give you a perverse sense of pleasure to know you were screwing him while screwing me over?" Leah was seething as she spat her accusations and Emily had collapsed into sobs. I knew that I couldn't say anything and thankfully it looked like Rachel knew it too.

"And you, how did it feel to throw our friendship away to befriend this traitor? You hadn't even seen me when you became friends with her. She destroyed my world and you became her best friend. How dare you? Did I mean nothing to you; did our friendship mean nothing to you?" Leah had turned her tirade onto Rachel. She was shaking but every single muscle in her body was taught with tension.

While Emily took Leah's tirade, I knew that Rachel wouldn't. There was a reason she was Paul's imprint; only she could match him with fiery anger and she didn't take it from anyone, not even a very irate she-wolf.

"Now, wait just a fucking minute. No, I didn't see you before I befriended Emily and Bella but what did you fucking expect from me, Leah? The first day I come back in over two years and I not only find out that all the legends I heard growing up were true, and that my little brother was one of said legends, but I also find out I'm eternally destined to someone I barely know in passing who is three years younger than me and barely out of high school? I was thrown into this world head first like all of you were and it's pretty fucking disorienting. I needed people in this world that I could talk to, someone that wasn't my little brother or the dog that followed me around. I would have liked to talk to you but you stayed away. I had been alone in this, wanting to talk to someone, anyone, for an entire week, wanting a friend who could help me straighten it all out for me. Yet, you were nowhere to be found. I knew you knew I was back and yet you still didn't come. So, I went to the people who were like me. I went to Bella and Emily. Yes, I knew she had taken Sam from you and I had hated her for it until it was explained to me. I wasn't planning on being buddy-buddy with her but I took advantage of the advice she and Bella gave me. Emily answered questions I had about the imprint, while Bella and her answered questions I had about life with a wolf, told me things I hadn't even thought to ask. They welcomed me with open arms and were my friend. You, you were nowhere to be found. I didn't even see you until the next week and by then you treated me as coolly as you treated Bella and Emily. What was I supposed to do? Drop them for someone who treated me like you did? Someone who believed that I betrayed her and hated me because one of her pack mates did something he had no control over? No, I wasn't going to do that, so I became friends with Emily and Bella, but did I not want to be friends with you? No, if you had wanted it, if you had treated me differently, we would have been friends like we used to be; the way our relationship is now is on you. Don't you fucking dare accuse me of betrayal," Rachel sneered at the end and then moved to comfort a bewildered Emily.

"I-I did love Sam the first time a-a-and… I didn't want to hurt you, Leah, I swear it, but I don't think anything I say will change how you feel. I don't think you even understand what it has been like for me or how I feel. Do you honestly think I like the fact that the man I love, the father of my child, only chose to be with me because he had no choice? That if he had been given the choice he would have chosen you, hands down? That I wouldn't even have been a consideration if it hadn't been for his wolf? Do you even know how horrible that is? That you aren't someone's first choice, not even their willing choice? You were Sam's choice while he had one, and you are Embry's choice, his first choice. That boy adores you as much as Jake adores Bella and you can't see it because you are afraid. Not that you don't have the right to be afraid. But, if you don't do something you could lose him; you could lose out on someone who loves you as you are. Don't throw it away because Sam and I hurt you. Do you think either of us likes to see the pain you are in because of us? Do you think either of us wants you to be alone anymore? We both want you happy; hell, the whole pack wants you happy-you deserve it." Emily slumped after she finished but I barely glanced at her because Leah's eyes were wide and horror stricken. She had even paled, looking odd with her dark skin tone.

"Y-y-y-you're…oh God…you're pregnant, aren't you? You're having Sam's baby?" She stuttered it all out but she looked like she was going to throw up and she dropped her head down between her legs.

"What? You're pregnant, really?" Rachel asked, wide eyed.

"Yeah, I planned on telling Sam tonight."

"Oh…wow, that's…just, wow, Emily." Rachel beamed.

"YOU! You conniving little bitch! You knew she was pregnant, didn't you? That's what this was about, wasn't it? Get us to pour out our feelings and bond and then when the baby news comes out, everything will be fine and fucking hunky dory? What gave you the right to force this to happen?" Leah was pointing at me lividly. I could feel more than hear the growls that were pouring from her but she wasn't trembling like she had been so I wasn't terribly worried, a little but not too much.

"I did it because it wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been forced and the pack couldn't have afforded the fall out that would have occurred had this not happened, you know that. And you did need to hear what Emily and Rachel had to say. What Emily said about Embry was true as well. Embry loves you and you might lose him if you don't do something." As I finished speaking, I watched as the fire went out in her eyes and she deflated again.

All four of us sat in silence again. We were too exhausted to fight and say empty words. Then Leah stood up.

"I'm going to go. I need to be alone for a while, get out of La Push. I won't go far and I'll call and check in daily in case I'm needed but I just need some time to think. Tell Sam I don't know when I'll be back, but I don't think I'll be gone too long." She finished and silently walked to the door.

"Leah, I didn't mean to…" I tried to say sadly as I wished I had done this all differently, but what I said was left hanging as she was already out the door, not looking back. I immediately glanced over at Rachel and Emily worriedly.

"I'm sorry I sprang that on you two without warning, but I knew that once Leah came to me, I could take the opportunity to get her to come here. It needed to happen; it has been a long time coming. If doing this hurt you, I'm sorry; I didn't want you to get hurt…I…" I finished lamely.

"Bella, as much as it hurt to hear, you were right when you said it needed to happen. There was too much left unsaid between us. And even if she still hates me, it was worth it. Thanks," Emily said and gave me a sad smile. But I could see she was trying to hold up the façade, seeing Leah like that and hearing what she had said had torn her up. I knew once she was alone she was going to break down.

I nodded and left, I wanted to get out of the room where all I felt was the guilt for what I had done. Yes, I knew that it needed to happen and that today would be the best time but I never considered the immediate fallout. Nor did I consider what that fallout would do to the other people involved in the lives of Leah, Emily, and Rachel. Embry was waiting patiently (somewhat) for Leah to make a decision one way or another. I had thought with the right motivation she would give him a chance. It was Emily who had convinced me to finally give Jake a chance last year and I hoped that she could have convinced Leah to do the same for Embry. I didn't even want to think how he was going to feel once he learned that Leah had left town.

I needed to get back to Jacob. I needed his sunshine to brighten the darkness that this day had become and I needed him to finish what had been started earlier in our room because I needed that release to take away this knot of guilt that was now twisting my gut. And then I needed a normal regular night with my girls- my family. What was supposed to have been a relaxing day unpacking and christening the bedroom with Jake had turned into an exhausting emotional day.

I didn't regret what had happened, and I would do it again for the same reasons I had just never considered the damage it would cause. Now that it had happened I just hoped that the damage I had caused today wouldn't permanently destroy the tenuous peace that had been the pack. I also hoped Sam, Seth, Paul and Embry wouldn't hate me. But only time would tell.

A/N: Please let me know what you think. This chapter is dedicated to JSH and SMI4Life without them this chapter may still not be done. They gave me support when I was struggling to write. I can't say enough how much I love you two ladies. Also thanks to SMI4Life for beta'ing this chapter. A special thanks to princessxoamber. She rec'd this story on Twific Reviews, thank you for doing that, I really appreciate it. I have to say thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. I know I haven't been responding like I should be and for that I'm sorry. I can't say enough how much your responses me to me. Whenever I was struggling to write they kept me motivated. Also thank you to everyone who has set this story for alert or their favorites.


	30. Don't Get Complacent

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it, nor do I make anything from it.

Ch. 30

Don't Get Complacent

Whimpering cries broke me from my slumber. I opened my eyes blearily against the light of the morning to look towards the sound that had awakened me. My eyes only met with the illuminated lights of the baby monitor. They immediately moved to the alarm clock next to it and I groaned. It was early, much earlier than I normally woke.

I moved to climb out of bed, still adjusting to the strangeness of the new room, when Jacob groaned as well, only his wasn't out of frustration and pulled me back into him, tightening his hold across my waist.

"Jake," I whined. "Your daughters are demanding attention; you've gotta let me go before they wake Billy up." I tried to pry myself from him again only to be met with the arm I knew I had no strength to lift if he didn't want me to.

"Too tired," he mumbled into my hair. With that I had to agree.

After Jacob and I had spent several hours of quality time together, we spent the rest of the day unpacking all the remaining boxes, or at least sorting the contents into the correct rooms and me telling him what had happened with the females of the pack. He didn't have much of a reaction until I revealed that Leah decided to leave for a while when she found out Emily was pregnant. I'm sure that Emily wanted to tell Jake and the rest of the pack herself but I needed to tell him what had happened.

With the news of the pregnancy revealed, Jake wasn't surprised that Leah decided to leave but he wasn't happy with it either. He was concerned with mine and the girls' safety. There being one less wolf and also with the younger ones starting school soon meant that patrols were going to be stretched thin. Something Jacob hated any time I was at increased risk. It also meant that he was going to have to work less and spend less time with me and the girls, which he also didn't like.

With most of the unpacking and sorting done we now had a fairly large pile of things what we were donating to the community center to give to others who needed them and several days' worth of organizing for me; I was looking forward to some quiet days. But when Jared and Kim dropped the girls off just before dinner, I could tell that we were going to have a long night.

The girls were cranky, more so than usual. When it came time to feed them their bottles, they were furious that they couldn't drink them fast enough. By the way they were acting I assumed that they either hadn't had a long enough nap or hadn't napped at all. So after they were fed, Jacob and I bathed them and put them to bed about an hour earlier than was normal. The only problem was they didn't want to go to bed and cried for over a half an hour before they cried themselves into exhaustion.

After making dinner and then eating with Jacob and Billy, Jake and I went to bed, ready to end the taxing day. I had hoped that as tired as the girls were, that they would have slept the majority of the night and it was true for the most part. The problem for both me and them was that this was the first time since they were out of the hospital that they hadn't slept in the same room as me. Nor did it help that their room didn't have a lived in scent like the other rooms they stayed in; the nursery was freshly painted and almost everything in there carried little to no scent. The room was foreign and alien to them, it unnerved them, and when they woke in the middle of the night it was harder for me to get them to go back down.

I almost, at one point, brought them into bed with Jake and I, but I didn't want that to become something either of us became dependent on. I knew it could develop bad sleep habits in the long run. I also knew it wasn't safe.

So not only was the room strange for them, they weren't near Jake and I, causing worry for me. I also had to get used to them sleeping in a separate room. I slept fitfully and I got out of bed frequently to go and check on them. I was as bad as I had been the first two weeks they were home. Every time either the girls or I woke up, Jake woke as well, worried that something was wrong. In the end, no one but Billy got much sleep.

Only at the sound of the girls' increasing wails did he finally release me and followed soon after. While I went into the nursery I saw him walk down the hall. I walked into the room and peered down on them. Juliana quieted down the moment she saw me, while Charlotte got louder. I quickly picked her up and brought her to the changing table to change her very saturated diaper and dress her for the day. I still had to go through their clothes and organize them so I grabbed whatever was on the top of the pile. Just as I was finishing Charlotte up, Jake walked into the room carrying two bottles. He took Charlotte from me and moved to sit in the rocker. I grabbed Juliana, changing and dressing her, then grabbed the other bottle from Jacob and began to feed her.

Once the girls were taken care of, we brought them into the living room to lay them on their bellies. They were starting to move around much more. Charlotte was now able to roll over in both directions and get up on to her hands and knees. Thankfully, she hadn't figured out how to move forward or even move, she just rocked back and forth until she fell over. Juliana could also get onto her hands and knees but was unable to stay up for more than five seconds and she hadn't figured out how to roll both directions but she seemed to look at her surroundings more than Charlotte did.

I was amazed at how the girls' personalities were really starting to develop now. I was seeing all these differences in them. I could see that Charlotte was a lot like Jake. She was into physically exploring the world around her and she was developing physically a bit faster than her sister. Juliana on the other hand was much more like me; she was inquisitive but she explored her world through her eyes and when she got something in her hands she would investigate it with her mouth has well. Also, Charlotte was a lot more stubborn than Juliana. If she couldn't do something she would either keep trying until she accomplished it or would burst into tears.

With the girls occupied on the floor, I made breakfast for the adults and as I finished Billy came out of his room, ready for the day. When we were finished, I went to shower and get ready myself while Jake and Billy watched the girls. I dressed in a light weight tank and a knee length jean skirt because it was already quite warm. When I came out to the living room, Jake was lying on his belly playing with the girls. He had recently discovered they were ticklish and he would gently tickle them and blow raspberries on their bellies 'till they set off into peels of baby giggles and he was currently doing just that to both girls. Billy was laughing merrily with them.

I loved watching Jake with the girls. It was always a contradiction to his large size to see him so soft and gentle. The light that filled him whenever he held them or played with them rivaled more than his sunshine smile. He exuded love for them out of every pore. I think I loved him more in the moments I saw him sitting in a chair quietly feeding one of his daughters. He would always run a finger over their tiny features as if memorizing them and talk to them in such a soft voice I could never quite hear what he was saying. I knew from the moment he met them that they had him wrapped around their fingers and I knew he wasn't even the least bit ashamed about it. Jacob Black was meant to be a father and I felt honored that I had given him that.

Just as I entered the room, Jacob looked up from the girls to smile at me. He, then leaned down and kissed each of their foreheads.

"Look there, pups. Mommy's back and isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? And you two are just as beautiful." He looked up to me and gave me a smile and then looked back down at the girls. "Pups, now I've got to go out and patrol with your Uncle Embry and Uncle Adam to keep you and your momma safe, so you two be good and don't give her and Papa too much trouble."

Jacob kissed each of them again, smiled at his dad and climbed up off of the floor to walk over to me. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me flush to him. He kissed me soundly and pulled away with a mischievous grin on his face.

"When I get done working tonight and we get the girls in bed, I'm going to continue that. And if you need me throughout the day, I'll be in the garage once I'm done with patrol." He kissed me once again on the forehead and headed for the door.

"Jake," I called out before he left. He stopped and turned to me. "Can you tell Embry that I'm sorry that I screwed all this up, that I didn't mean to cause all these problems?" I asked quietly.

He looked like he wanted to say something more but didn't and just nodded and walked out the door.

I turned to see Billy staring at the girls pensively. I watched a range of emotions cross his face as he watched them rolling and getting up on their hands and knees. A small smile curled his lips and I finally decided my curiosity was too much.

"What is it, Billy?"

"They both just look so much like Jake did when he was that age. He looks so much like her. He has all her looks and my temperament. I remember that Sarah would lay him on his belly like this after she had gotten the girls down for their nap and she would play with him and then she'd sit and just watch him. Content to do nothing but watch him, well, that was until he learned to walk and then he didn't give her a moment's respite because he was off trying to investigate everything. Gave her quite a few heart attacks, he did, he'd just walk outside- damn kid didn't even make a sound- and he'd walk to the forest or down the road. Hell, one time he walked down to the beach and just sat down and watched the waves rolling. I can't tell you the number of times I got calls at work from a frantic Sarah telling me she couldn't find Jacob because he'd run off again.

"Finally, after a while, I had to put a lock on the door towards the top, which Jake couldn't reach, to keep him in the house. But the way she looked at him when he was a baby, it's the way he looks at those girls. It just makes me miss her more, she would have adored you and the girls…overjoyed, she would've been overjoyed to be their nana." Billy gave me a bleary smile, cleared his throat and rolled out of the room.

I sat down on the floor next to the girls. I picked Juliana up first- she was the closest- and hugged her close to me, placing a few kisses to her head and then did the same for Charlotte. After setting Charlotte back down, I just laid next to them and watched them for the next hour. At the moment, nothing was as important as just watching them, everything else could wait.

oOoOo

I was sitting on the porch steps staring out at the forest, just waiting. I had spent hours trying to distract myself in the house but even that wasn't doing it for me. I was terrified something bad was happening and as much as I wanted to not think about it and not worry, that was exactly what I was doing. I would have chewed on my nails for something to do, but I had nibbled them all down to the nail bed hours before- there was nothing left to remove.

When I had heard a single wolf's howl, followed by several more in quick succession my whole body had frozen in fear. Spending as much time as I had with the pack, I had learned what warning howls were compared to the more playful ones. What I heard wasn't playful. The ones patrolling had found something and they were calling the pack to them. With a quick glance to the clock, I knew that one of the wolves was Jake, and my fear intensified.

I had become apathetic to the danger. There hadn't been much news coming out of Portland or Olympia about murdered or missing people. It had been suspiciously quiet for the last several weeks and the reminder of what hunted me kept falling behind more prominent concerns. Sure, I knew it was here, the patrols never let up and the news didn't die completely; it was just at more normal levels, so the local authorities and new agencies no longer gave as many reports. With the lack of news, I had just been more concerned about the other things in my life.

But now, waiting as the pack went hunting, I couldn't push it back. I was thankful that Seth had come to get the girls this morning and brought them to spend the day with himself, Charlie and Sue. They hadn't gotten a lot of 'grandparent' time and I knew both Charlie and Sue were aching for it. Seth also hadn't spent much time with Charlotte and it was best if he did it out of my presence. Yes, I had come to terms with his imprint on her, but I still didn't like the feeling that came over me whenever I saw him with her.

Billy had decided to go to the council's office to do some work since the girls were gone, leaving me to unpack and organize in peace.

I was thankful that they weren't with me, as much as I wanted them to be because if the vampires the pack were hunting broke through their lines, my daughters and Billy were safe and protected, away from me. They had Seth who I knew would die to save them.

I hated not knowing what was going on, only going off assumptions that I got from hearing the pack. I wanted to call Emily or Kim but figured they might not know either. I resigned myself to waiting, staring at the woods, knowing that when Jake came back he would come through them. When I got sick of sitting I would pace the porch and the ground in front of it, unable to settle the nerves assaulting me.

It was hours after I had heard that first howl; it was in the middle of my pacing route in front of the porch, that I saw movement at the tree line. I froze and focused my eyes intently at it and waited for whoever was coming out.

Jake broke through the tree line and I struggled to get my eyes to focus on him in the rare La Push sunshine. I could see that he wasn't just walking out of the forest to me; he was stalking, marching, with focused intent.

As he got closer, I noticed that he hadn't even buttoned or zipped his cut-offs and they were just hanging off his defined hips. And he was hard. As. A. Rock.

The look in his eyes was feral. He looked like a wolf on the hunt, and I realized before I could open my mouth to ask him what had happened, that I was his prey. I swallowed thickly as he stalked me, readying for an attack.

"Jake," I started saying as he got within touching distance.

Before I could say anything more his large hands grasped me around my waist and hoisted me up his body. I crashed against him roughly, causing any air in my shocked lungs to escape. I was unable to get a breath in as he crashed his mouth to mine and claimed possession of it.

Without preamble, he thrust his tongue into my mouth and swept it around, claiming everything it came into contact with and then wrapped around my tongue to massage it. Up to this moment, I had been frozen in shock; he had been rough before, he had been animalistic before, but he had never been like this. As his tongue stroked mine and his hands massaged and kneaded the flesh of my hips, I responded in equal fervor. He was waking the animal in me.

The moment I reciprocated and tried to fight him for control I felt and heard a growl reverberate through his chest; understanding immediately what it meant I submitted quickly.

Needing to be closer and needing him to touch me more, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, my fingers winding tightly in his hair and attempted to wrap my legs around his waist but was stopped by my denim skirt. I whined into his mouth, needing to feel him closer.

With a growl, his warm hands slid quickly down my hips and thighs to my knees where his palms slid under the fabric of my skirt and slid their way up kneading and squeezing, taking the skirt with it all the way so that it rested around my hips. His hands slid back down to my ass, gripping as I wrapped my legs around him and pulled me to him, his mouth never ending its rough assault of teeth, tongue and lips.

The feeling of the wind wrapping itself around my barely covered rear and bare things had me feeling exposed to any passing public. I could just imagine the sight we were: me half naked wrapped tightly around my half naked man. But before I could even vocalize my thoughts, I felt as my body came into contact with the wall of the house and my lacking for air lungs expelled what was left in them in the form of a grunt into Jacob's mouth.

I pulled free of his mouth to take much needed gulps of air. In response, he moved his hungry mouth to my neck and began moving against me ardently as his hips pinned me to the house. His hands rode up my sides and under my shirt, claiming new territory with hot, possessive hands along with growls, grunts and groans every time he made contact with my body, tasted or touched a new portion of skin. I was moaning and sighing at the same time, trying to claim the skin of his back.

My lips ached to touch his skin, to touch anything on him, to taste his amazing flavor. I granted their request by kissing open mouthed along the expanse of his shoulder and the base of his neck, anything I could reach from my pinned position.

When his hands reached the skin covered by my bra, he growled angrily against the skin of my neck that he had been making his next meal, as my shirt wouldn't allow him more room to move higher. His hands quickly came out from under my shirt and before I knew it, he had torn it in two up my body and removed the scraps.

I responded with a shocked squeak. I was now pinned to my new home, in full view of any passer-by, in nothing but my bra and panties with my skirt bunched around my hips as my nearly naked boyfriend was thrusting against me in a mind fogging-ly delicious rhythm, in exactly the perfect spot that made me not care that anyone could see me this close to nude and would soon see me as I came apart.

It should have bugged me, should have freaked me out but the raw, animalistic way he was taking me, having me not care one iota about the world outside of me and him, it was like raw desire was being injected straight into my bloodstream. And I couldn't get enough of it, it was very heady, it was liquid fire-whatever the cause of this was.

Just as my fingers were scratching their way down his back to help rid him of his shorts, I felt as my back came off of the siding and I was soon pressed against the wall of the inside of the house and I heard the slamming of the front door and the slick slide of the lock.

He resumed his movements against me, moving me closer and closer to my peak and devoured my neck again with much more ardor. He was licking, sucking and biting my neck as he traveled down the column of it. When he reached the spots he knew were most sensitive, he would suck the skin until I'd cry out in delight and nip me. He continued this way down my chest until his mouth met my bra. I knew he was leaving dark marks every time he suckled the skin into his mouth, sending shivers and shocks throughout my body to my core and causing whimpering sounds to fall from my lips.

I first thought–with what limited thought process I had left-that he was going to rip the bra free from my body like my shirt. Instead, with an annoyed snarl, he pushed the cups down and my breasts tumbled free from their restraint and he devoured them as well.

The more of me he devoured and the more he thrust against me, the more wanton and needy my sounds became. As one of his hands massaged my breast, the other traveled down my body and cupped my center for a moment, then pulled the panties to the side. He slid a finger from front to back, growling as he did so.

I moved my heels higher up his back and pushed his shorts down his legs and he grabbed the waistline of my panties and ripped them from my body much like my shirt.

Without preamble or much warning, he entered me in one firm steady thrust. We both groaned at the feel of it.

His mouth traveled back up and latched against my mouth as he moved within me at a feverish pace. His hands moved to my hips to help him as he slammed into me over and over, rolling his hips to hit every spot inside of me he could reach.

I was in delirium, my eyes rolling in the back of my head, and unable to make any sounds beside whines and whimpers or the occasional squeak in pleasure. I was lost in the world, surrounded, wrapped in a world of Jacob and body quaking pleasure. I wanted to beg him for more but with the pace we were moving at, I couldn't think coherently enough to form words. I couldn't keep my eyes open and I lolled my head back to smack against the wall, unable to even hold it up of my own volition anymore. And yet I held onto him, nails digging into his lower back as he moved powerfully within me.

With my head tipped back against the wall, Jacob's mouth moved to my neck again. He was no longer being gentle in the attention he was paying to it. He was outright biting, scraping his teeth down the column and it turned me on, much to my shock.

His pace quickened and his mouth moved to where my neck curved into my shoulder. I was so deliriously close that the moment he began to lick and nip, I lost it and found my release, screaming, shaking and writhing uncontrollably against him.

With a long, low and very strong growl, he removed himself from me and us from the wall to walk across to the living room couch. He set me on my weak and shaky legs and spun me around without a word. My shaky legs gave out under the quick movement and I fell to the couch, bracing my hands on the back of it so that I didn't face plant on the cushions.

Jacob kneeled behind me, his legs surrounding mine, pressing my thighs together and lifted me by the hips, raising the skirt back over them and moving me forward on the couch, crouching down behind me. I could feel his hot hard length behind me, teasing my senses. With his hands firmly on my hips, he pushed me forward so I had to lean on the couch further and then he tilted my hips up and entered me again in one firm stroke.

I had barely recovered from the wall when he resumed the delicious punishing on my body. The room was filled with the sounds of our slapping skin, his growls and my squeaks and pants of air. I wasn't going to last long, but judging by the way his rhythm never faltered and his force continued, he was. I came again quickly as he worked me expertly and continued to pound into me.

My arms were shaking as my body weakened under the force of our brutal movements. I was having trouble holding myself up on the couch and soon gave up and fell forward, leaning on my folded arms on the headrest of the couch, resting my head above them. This changed Jacob's position within me and he began hitting the spot that set me off. After a few of his pounding thrusts, I came for a third time and was quickly building up to a fourth.

He wasn't allowing me much chance to come down from my highs as he continually pummeled all my buttons. My muscles ached under this spectacular torture but under all of it, I was becoming exhausted.

He let go of my hips but didn't stop his movements. He leaned over me, all of his front touching all of my back and braced himself with one hand on my shoulder to pull me into him and the other arm set beside my head on the couch. The hand by my head swept the hair from my back to the far side of my neck. He began devouring the back of my neck and the curve where it met my shoulder. The same spot he had latched himself to when we were against the wall.

He was sucking and tasting the skin there as his movements became quicker and harder. My body wasn't going to withstand much more of his force much longer but his quickened pace told me he was close, but I was, too-again.

With a few more body quaking thrusts, his pace began to falter and then without much warning, his teeth clamped (into the area he had spent an innumerable amount of attention on) hard. I came again, harder than I ever have before, as I felt his teeth break the skin of my neck and him pulse within me with a loud roar against my neck. He gave several more shallow thrusts and stilled within me.

We didn't move, both of us panting at the exertion. I was trying to collect my scattered thoughts but couldn't think in a straight line much less try to speak some of the fragmented questions that were forming in my brain.

He began to run his tongue over the bite, lapping it slowly and carefully, as if he was cleaning the wound. He pulled back from me slowly and palmed my hips gently as he pulled out. It stung a bit. I knew from the force he'd used and the way he had basically made my skin his meal that I would be very bruised. Thankfully, most could be covered by my clothing, most except for my neck and upper chest. Though I'd be marked up, I couldn't find it in me to care one bit. I had just had some of the most amazing sex of my life, who cares if I'd be black, blue, purple and green for a while? They were worth it.

Jake rolled over from me and sat on the couch. I didn't think I had the muscles to move so I stayed the way I was until he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me around to sit on his lap. We stayed like that, with him wrapped around me, as our breathing normalized and heart rates slowed.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

"I…I'm…sorry. I didn't hurt you, did I?" His voice didn't match the raw passion we had just shared.

"Are you freaking kidding me? Jake, we both know for a fact that if I had made any indication that I was in pain you would've stopped. Right?" I turned to look him in the eye but his eyes were locked on my neck, on what I was sure the bite mark.

"I did hurt you, I bit you-you bled." He slowly raised one of his hands to gently finger the mark. I wasn't going to lie and say it wasn't sore and highly sensitive at the moment-it was.

"Did you not notice I came when you did that? Didn't you notice that I came, like, four times? Jake, don't do this. We just had amazing, mind-blowing, I-have-no strength-left-to-breathe sex. Quit being an idiot and let's just enjoy the fact that no one was home to hear me; though I have a horrible feeling I was loud enough that several wolves got the audio.

"What I meant by: 'What the hell was that', was where did that come from? I mean, you walk out of the woods and just take me without word or care of your surroundings. You nearly took me out on the front porch, not that I would have minded in the least. Jake, I've slept with you more times than I can count, I know how vocal you are; you didn't say a single word the entire time. This time was different; I was just wondering why? And what happened today with the wolves?"

His brows furrowed and his eyes darkened as he looked at me. I could tell he was trying to organize his thoughts, so I remained quiet and just looked at him, waiting.

Before he answered, the phone rang shrilly, making me jump. Knowing it could be Charlie, Sue or Seth asking about the girls, I got up off of Jacob. Half-way up, my legs protested and he helped me the rest of the way and stood up behind me. He walked to his shorts and put them on as I hobbled to the phone. I was going to have trouble walking tomorrow, I was sure of it.

"Hello," I spoke into the receiver.

"Hey, Bella, it's Emily. Do you think you could come over? I know the wolves are back so it's safe, and Paul just told me Jake's over there, so if he wants he could bring you over?" Her voice was worried and slightly hesitant. I looked over to Jacob, we still needed to talk, but as my eyes met his he just gave me a quick nod.

"Uh, yeah, it'll be a bit, but yeah I can come over. Is something wrong, do I need to hurry?" I stammered, shooting my eyes to Jacob in question, but he was bent over picking up my ruined panties.

"Well, we…a whole bunch of mail just came and it's from the banks we applied to for loans and some of the places we applied to for grants. I…I'm too afraid to open them by myself," she said quietly and embarrassed.

"Oh, yeah, I'll be over in like half an hour. See you then," I replied after she said goodbye.

I hadn't heard him but as I turned back to face Jake, he wasn't there and the front door was open. I quickly pushed my skirt all the way down and pulled the cups and shoulder straps of my bra up so that I was somewhat covered. I walked to see what he was doing as he threw my ruined shirt and panties into the garbage bin.

I watched him as he walked back up the porch steps, not meeting my eyes. I didn't like this. He wasn't acting like my Jake. We'd had rough sex before-sure, it wasn't to the extent of what happened today-but he'd never acted like this afterward. Hell, he'd even left bruises all over my butt and thighs and didn't freak, he just strutted around proudly the rest of the day. For us, when we were together, it was never awkward; it was easy being with him. I needed to find out why I felt this quiet rift between us.

We needed to talk about this. So, as he walked in the house, I closed the door behind him, ready to get down to the problem, but he wasn't in the living room. I walked to the kitchen to see him pulling out things for some sandwiches.

"You need to go shower before you head to Emily's; the guys won't ever let you live it down if you go over there smelling like you do and I don't…," Jake was saying as he made his sandwiches, never turning to look at me, and then he didn't continue from where he had dropped off.

I hesitated for a moment, waiting for him to continue but I knew he wouldn't. "Jake," I said very hesitantly, not sure how to proceed when he seemed to want to avoid me and the situation.

"You promised her you wouldn't be long, Bells," he said stiffly.

"Jake, what's wrong? Why are you being like this?"

"Like what, honey?" He still hadn't turned to look at me, only now he had paused in his sandwich making.

"Like this," My hands wildly motioned to his stiff posture. "You won't look at me, you're avoiding talking to me; you act like you regret what we did. You aren't acting like you…you're acting like…like…"As soon as the thought popped in, I stopped and changed subjects. There was no way in hell I was going to say that name in front of him. I liked the kitchen unbroken. "Did something happen, did someone get hurt?"

"No, no one got hurt. Like who, Bella?" His whole body was tensed. When I didn't respond, he asked again, angrier.

With a huff, I answered, very unwillingly: "Like Edward."

That got him to look at me. "What? I am not acting anything like that pompous, sniveling, whiny, uptight bitch. I am nothing like that asshole."

"Yes, you are. You're acting exactly how he'd act if he had bruised me. Now, quit acting guilty, quit avoiding me and talk to me. We should be basking in our post-coital glow but now we need to talk. Explain what the hell is going on with you. You are not acting like my Jacob."

"You really want to know?" He asked softly.

"Of course I want to know. I love you, and something is bugging you."

"Okay, well, go take a seat in the living room. I'll bring out the food 'cause I'm starving and I'll explain everything."

So with that, I turned and went to the living room where he explained what had happened and what that meant. I just listened.

oOoOo

As I drove into Emily's driveway, the awkward aftermath of my mind-blowing afternoon with Jake and the revelations that came from our talk were still spinning my head. I just didn't know how to feel.

Emily was waiting for me on her porch when I parked the Rabbit. It was odd; I didn't think I'd ever seen her outside waiting. I climbed out of the car, making sure that all of my hair was in front of my neck and covered Jacob's love bites. I knew I was going to have a hell of a time trying to cover them as the bruises healed. I didn't know how anyone else would react to the darkening marks up and down my neck and chest as well as the very red and swollen bite, and walked to the porch. She was fidgeting the entire time.

"Oh good, you're here," she said as she pulled me into the house. Only then did I realize that she would have told Sam about the baby last night. I wondered how it went. I looked around the house but saw no one.

"Hey, Em, how did it go with Sam last night?" I asked as I was drug rather hastily to the kitchen table.

"What? Oh, good, he was surprised. Speechless for a while and then he ended up wearing the biggest smile the rest of the night. He's really happy, excited. He can't wait to start planning the nursery." She smiled brightly.

"How'd he take…how'd he handle the news of Leah's leaving?" I asked, a little worried he was angry with me.

"Oh, he was pissed until I told him I understood and that he should, too. She's had a lot thrown at her and hasn't had an easy time of dealing with any of it. I told him to lay off of her and just let her do what she needed to and that he couldn't get upset with you because while you didn't plan the outcome, you were right that we needed to air everything out.

"Okay, so we've got a ton of letters to go through. I figure we'll just go through them together, put the rejections on one pile and the acceptances on the other. Then when Kim and Rach get back, we can show them the good news," Emily said, showing me the large pile of envelopes on the table. There had to be more than fifteen letters there.

Suddenly, the enormity of what those letters contained settled in my gut. My future, Emily's future, our children's future could be held in those letters and if they weren't what we were hoping for then…I didn't know what we'd do if we get turned down.

Before we even applied for the loans, we hadn't had much hope for them so I wasn't that terribly disappointed when we got rejection after rejection and denial after denial on those. All four of us were just too young without much credit to our names for any bank to be willing to lend anything to us.

What did hurt, what was a kick in the gut, was out of the handful of grant replies that we'd received, we only got two award letters and they amounted to almost absolutely nothing. I figured we were waiting on four more grant replies. I was sure even if we were awarded them, it wouldn't be enough for us to even pay for all the licensing Emily and I would need to sell and prepare food.

I didn't like the way our luck was heading. Because I was a young mother and she was going to be one in a handful of months, a traditional job would be difficult to find even if we weren't part of a pack of wolves currently hunting vampires and on red alert twenty-four/seven. It wasn't practical at the moment for me to go to and from La Push daily to work in Forks. It would only weaken the protection the pack provided and would stretch the already stretched patrols. Also, we had been counting on our café to help provide some income for some of the wolves as they couldn't work traditional work hours because of their obligations.

Emily's idea had been the best option for everyone, and if we didn't get the funding needed, our plans would be ruined and I would be looking into going back to Newton's Outfitters. Not a very appealing option. And I would have to look for a daycare to take the girls, something else I didn't find appealing either but I'd done it before, and I could do it again.

**A/N: Please let me know your thoughts. **Wanted to get this up now as I'll be busy today (My Birthday). Thanks to Charlenelweaver for being my 800th reviewer. I can't even say how shocked and amazed I've even reached that number and it is all thanks to you guys, thank you so very much. Thank you to everyone else who's reviewed. You make my day every time I open up my email and see that I have another review waiting for me. Thank you also for those who have set this story to their alerts and favorites. Special thanks to SMI4life for beta'ing this chapter and so quickly too.


	31. Unwanted Gifts

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything in the Twilight Universe. I only play in the world and with its characters.

**A/N: **Massive apologies. I was attempting to get this chapter out to you on time when my computer crashed on me and took a while to fix and when I got it back it was a struggle to get back into the chapter. I am very sorry it has taken this long. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think of the chapter. Tons and tons of thanks to smiforlife for betaing this chapter and for giving me all the help and encouragement I needed to get done.

Ch. 31

Unwanted Gifts

I felt the intense stare long before I made any effort to open my eyes. I also felt the warmth of the impossibly large smile he was surely wearing.

"Don't even think about it," I mumbled sleepily, a smile curling my lips.

"Think about what?" He asked in mock innocence.

"You know what I'm talking about; I don't want you to say anything."

"But…"

"No, nothing. Keep the trap closed," I ordered as I looked up at him hovering over me and I was right; a gloriously bright smile lit his face and his eyes shining with mirth. I missed that smile, it had been noticeably absent these last couple weeks.

"Ha-" Before he could get another sound out, my hand shot up and trapped his lips between my fingers. He gave up attempting to say what he had been trying to and waited patiently for me to let go of him.

"You promise not to say anything?" I asked with an arched brow, just daring him to defy my wishes.

Through pinched lips and with a raised hand and fingers in a boy-scout salute, I heard a very garbled "I promise." With that, I released him.

With his eyes sparkling, he brought his lips to mine. He quickly delved into my mouth and I was lost in him. As I let out a moan, he pulled back.

With his eyes full of mischief, he pulled back a little and began tickling me mercilessly.

I squirmed and wriggled, attempting to get free of his fingers as they attacked my sensitive stomach. But I failed.

"Jake, please," I screeched, a little out of breath.

"Please what, Bells?" He asked in a cocky laugh. He was enjoying this way too damn much.

My arms were currently being pinned above my head by one of his as the other teased and taunted me with the threat of more full body tickles. My ribs ached from laughing and trying to get out of Jake's clutches.

"Please stop," I pleaded, trying to give him my biggest doe eyes; the ones I knew he always fell for.

"Not gonna work, hon. Now, I'll stop if you let me say it," he compromised.

"No, I don't want you to say it; there is no need to say it. Today is just a normal day," I pressed, hoping he'd give in to me. "Nothing going on, nothing at all."

"Now, if I remember correctly, that is not entirely true. And as your baby daddy and wolf I believe it is within my rights to say it, especially if you won't let me acknowledge it any other way," he said brashly.

"You may be my baby daddy, but nothing good ever happens from acknowledging this day, I just want to ignore it," I shot back. I really didn't want to talk about my hate for this day or all the things I hated that had been because of it.

"Okay, so I get that two years ago was a bad day, but we had fun last year," he said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"We did have some fun, yes, but I also remember a few days later when we had a little more fun and now we carry the amazing titles of mom and dad."

"But, you had a good day then, nothing bad happened on the actual day, so I can acknowledge today for what it is. And you're on birth control now and surrounded by a dozen supernatural beings that won't allow anything bad to happen," he said, and then placed a kiss to my neck. I hated when he did that when I was trying to argue with him. It always tended to stop my train of thought and I'd give in.

"You're not going to drop this, are you?" I asked in concession. I knew I'd lost this.

"Nope," he said smugly; he knew he won.

"Fine."

With a triumphant smile, he pulled back a little to look at me. "Happy twentieth birthday, Bells," he whispered in my ear then kissed just under it in a tiny, tender peck.

"There, are you happy now?"

"Absolutely, I love you; now, I'm going to go help my dad get ready, how 'bout you go check on the pups, see if they're up?" He gave me one more light brush of his fingers over my abdomen that caused me to jerk in response, preparing for the onslaught that never came. He climbed out of our bed and walked to his father's room. I climbed out of bed and walked into the nursery to check on the girls.

I couldn't stop smiling; it was amazing to see him so buoyant. There was nothing of the fierce, controlled look he'd been wearing. Nor was there anything that showed the increased stress he was under. He looked like he did before everything changed-again. I missed my jovial Jake, the one who had disappeared after that day.

I looked down at the girls and saw that they were still asleep, so I decided to go make breakfast and their bottles before they woke. As I made my way into the kitchen, I realized my plans were wrong. Standing in front of the stove, looking ridiculously good, was Jacob.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked as I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist to kiss his back.

"I am making breakfast for the birthday girl. You didn't think I'd let you cook today, did you?" He turned a moment from his work to smile at me.

"Jake…," I whined.

"Why is it so hard for you to celebrate your birthday-don't say it's because of them or aging or even about what happened on your eighteenth birthday. It's more than that, and it's been going on longer than that as well. What are you going to do when the girls are older, are you not going to want to celebrate their birthdays; what are you going to do when they want to celebrate yours?" He asked with a cynical edge to his voice.

"Of course, I'll want to celebrate their birthdays and when they're older and want to celebrate mine, I'll let them, but it won't make it any easier for me," I paused, trying to figure out how to say all this.

"Then why, Bells? I mean, every time your birthday is brought up, it's like you are being forced to eat dog shit," he commented.

"Jake," I scrunched my face at the thought. "I love my mom, okay? Yes, what she did when she was told about the girls hurt more than I can adequately say, but I love her. But growing up with her wasn't the easiest. She tried her hardest to provide a stable home for me and to give me the things I needed but she was always giving in to her flights of fancy. Going off and doing this or that. She was always forgetful; chronically forgetful. Sometimes she'd forget to pay the utility bill until the water and power were shut off or she'd forget to get groceries until I'd complain I was hungry and she'd realized there was no food in the apartment," I paused and gave a heavy sigh.

"She'd even forget my birthday. I didn't mind it-or even really notice anything out of the ordinary-until I was in elementary school. When a student had a birthday during school, they would usually bring a treat for their class-like moon pies or rice krispy bars-but she would forget and I'd have to go into class without my treat and have to tell my teacher that my mother forgot. I'd get teased by my classmates. She'd always usually remember once Charlie's gift would arrive. She'd of course always try to make up for forgetting but by the time my grandma died and we moved to Phoenix, I just decided I wouldn't celebrate my birthday anymore. It was easier than being disappointed or reminded of all those forgotten days. She took it as a new age thing she thought I was doing, and though she still gives gifts, she never really brings it up.

"I guess by the time I moved back here, I had gotten used to not celebrating my birthday and when it was brought up, it brings back some of the feelings I went through. Plus, I don't like people buying things for me because it's most likely that I don't need what they are giving me. Then everything with the Cullens exacerbated the issue." I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what else to say.

He looked like he wanted to say something but just as he went to open his mouth, Billy rolled into the room.

"Good mornin' to you two and Happy Birthday, Bella." Billy's eyes gleamed. He knew my aversion to the 'b' word.

I'd known for a while that my aversion to my birthday was a bit odd, but I had accepted that a while ago and I never thought that it would be a problem in my life. But now, now that I was a mother, I knew Jacob was right. I wanted to celebrate the girls' birthday when it came. I even wanted to celebrate Jacob's birthday. So why wouldn't they want to celebrate mine? I knew the problems that I had had with my mother wouldn't occur again. Jacob would never forget my birthday.

So, when Billy gave me my birthday greeting, I bit the bullet and graciously accepted it with a smile.

"Thank you, Billy."

"Jake, you done with breakfast yet or what? I'm hungry," Billy barked. "Where my grandbabies at?"

"Sleeping, and I want them to stay that way for as long as possible," I said as I moved to the cupboard to grab plates and cups.

"Bells, would you please sit down? I'm trying to be all romantic and you are ruining that by setting the table," Jacob gently chided. I turned to glare at him and he greeted it with a bright smile.

I obliged him and sat at the table, thumbing through the morning paper, but I quickly lost interest and just stared at him working.

As I watched him, my mind drifted to all that I had been told the afternoon he took me against the wall and on the couch. All the words he had spoken and what it all meant.

_He looked terrified sitting on the couch and ate the sandwiches he had made. He tore through them in silence and I tried to swallow mine around the lump in my throat and let them settle against the dread sitting in my stomach._

_I wanted to know what he was worried about, what was scaring him. I wanted to help fix what was wrong even though I knew I probably wouldn't be able to. I knew he was also afraid to tell me what had happened. For what reason, I had no clue-was he afraid that it would change something with us? Even the thought seemed ludicrous. It was unnerving to see him like this. Jacob never looked scared about what he had to tell me…except… Then I realized quickly that he looked exactly like he did the night he came to me in my room trying in vain to get me to remember the stories-the legends-of our day at the beach. To remember the wolf-men and the cold ones. He looked as if he needed me to know the truth, but afraid that once I did, I wouldn't be able to handle it._

_He finished eating long before I did, because seeing his fear had driven my hunger away, and waited for me._

"_Jake, what's wrong? You're starting to scare me. Please tell me what it is. Whatever it is, we can handle it," I pleaded with him and took his hand in mine._

"_No, no one was…everyone is fine. Promise. The howls, well, while we were patrolling, Adam came across a couple of scents so Embry called for backup. Since there was more than one scent and they were so closely packed, it's standard practice to call for backup so no one escapes. You know, so we don't have a mate coming back for revenge."_

_I nodded in understanding. I out of everyone knew that had been the Cullens' fatal mistake concerning James. I waited for him to continue._

"_There were four of them, three males and a female. They had just skirted the boundary line and then fled. They were young, both in years and experience. I have a good feeling they are some of the ones the bitch and her minions are making. _

"_They were uncoordinated and scared shitless once they saw us. I bet they weren't even warned about what awaited them when they got here. I have a feeling they were sent here to test our reactions and borders, a scouting party. They were easy to take down, uncoordinated, they were scattered and weak. Most definitely new ones. _

"_Oh, but that wasn't all. After we tore everyone apart and started burning them, Doucheward and the little pixie showed up. They said they saw the other leeches coming and they came to help us. What a crock of shit considering it had been two on one for us and they showed up too late to do anything. He was probably hoping to pick something from any one of our brains. Thankfully, we had all phased back because the moment they showed up and with everything going on, it took Paul, Embry and Quil holding me back to keep me from phasing and tearing them apart. I think the only reason I didn't was that I was just so messed up from everything else going on. They finally seemed to realize they weren't needed, or wanted, and left, though not before griping that they were only there to help. That just pissed me more the fuck off." __His hands and arms were shaking angrily at the memory so I just grabbed a hold of one of his hands and squeezed, trying to show my support and calm him down._

"_What do you mean by everything else, Jake?" I asked him because I knew it wasn't the vampires that would have upset him like that. Other than Riley and Laurent attacking me, he was calm, cool and collected._

"_Do you remember-not long after I stopped you from jumping-when I told you how I felt like I was losing myself to the wolf?" He asked after a moment._

"_Of course, I remember. I believe I told you that, I wasn't going to let you go anywhere- that you were too important to me, that I'd help you remember who you were," I answered as the memories flooded me; the hopeless look in his eyes._

"_Being what I am has always been easier for me than the others. Everything comes instinctually to me; I don't really even have to think about it, I'm better than all the others-even Sam. The others all had to struggle to learn pretty much everything. But not me. It's as if I've always been a wolf and I never had to learn anything but control and even that came easy. And…" He broke off and stared into space; I let him be as I had no clue where he was headed with this._

"_Do you know that since the day I imprinted on you I haven't phased with Sam once?" He asked me the question but I could tell he didn't intend for me to answer, so I just shook my head no._

"_When I've been phased lately, running patrols, usually with Embry and Adam or Lucas, I've been fine. My wolf has been fine. Just like normal. It wasn't until Sam phased in that moment, I noticed something wrong. I realize now that any time he has given me an order since we got back together it has been with your safety and best interest in mind and I've agreed with his orders, so I never had a problem with them. It would prickle the wolf that he was giving orders to me but I also realized that I had been becoming increasingly agitated with him when you were staying at his place. I figured, then, that it was just me wanting you and the girls with me here, and not liking you living in another male's home._

"_The moment Sam phased in, I knew, all that was wrong. As soon as his presence settled in over the pack and they aligned, automatically, to his authority, like normal, like before, my wolf bristled. Then Sam gave us all orders on how to handle the situation. He had the younger ones fall back to the rez and before he was able to give any more orders, I felt my wolf take control. My wolf wasn't going to listen to Sam's anymore. It's in my blood, my DNA, and I've denied and fought it too long. Hell, '_I_' was fighting it while it was happening. But just like that, my blood and my wolf were taking control of the pack."_

_I stared at him slack jawed. I couldn't believe it. Being Alpha was something he had protested from the beginning. He had always been adamant in his refusal to ever be in charge of the pack. He had never wanted that duty or responsibility. That he would one day take the duties his father held within the tribe but Alpha would not be something he was ever going to be._

"_Once I unintentionally took control, the pack descended into chaos. They didn't know who to follow. They were used to aligning to Sam but they could feel the draw to me. It didn't help that Sam wasn't giving up his position and I couldn't-believe me I tried. We were all still chasing the vamp scents but had we found them at that moment we would have been useless-too distracted and uncoordinated. My wolf wanted to fight Sam, force him to submit to me beyond anything else. It didn't matter that there had been at least three leeches within a breath's distance from La Push. My wolf needed pack cohesion and the only way he saw that happening was their submission, starting with Sam. I was lost in the wolf, Bells._

"_Only when Seth phased in, worried about protecting the girls alone, was I finally able to pull back into myself enough to find some semblance of sanity and focus on what needed to be done. I ordered the wolves into action and we took on the vamps. _

"_After Sparkle Nuts and the psychic left, I… before any of us had settled down from the fight, __I whirled around, phased and went after Sam, attacked him without provocation or thought and just tore into him. The other wolves, though their thoughts were shocked, they didn't try to stop it. I beat the shit out of him, Bells; it was brutal and bloody. I kept at it until he finally submitted to my wolf and after that, I would have gone after every other member of my pack in the same manner had they not all submitted to me willingly. _

"_Seriously, how fucked up is that? Sam is one of my closest friends; he has been there to support both of us through so much. I look up to him almost as much as I do our fathers and he has had to deal with so much shit and I was so fucking lost in the wolf I couldn't even see him as my friend, just as a threat to my power. Then, after the rest of the pack gave me their allegiance, I had to get back to you._

"_Once the power shift was finished, my wolf needed you-I needed you. You had been under threat by the four we tore apart and with Dimwit showing up, it only agitated the wolf more. Too much had happened in such a short amount of time and I couldn't process it as the wolf. I had to phase back and I had to be near you. I knew you would have heard the howls and been worried. It was a primal need to be near you. The moment I phased back and started redressing, I saw you and understood what my need was. Fuck, I didn't even take the time to close my pants._

"_I had to claim you. I was Alpha wolf and I had to stake my claim on you. So I did. With everything that was going on, the hunt and the power shift, even after I phased back, I was still more wolf than me. I've never felt like that before, Bells, ever, that primal _need_ to claim and mark you as mine. God, Bella, if I didn't think this wolf shit wasn't terrifying before, I do now. It didn't matter that you may not have wanted me at the moment. I think I would have taken you regardless. It makes me sick to think I'd do that. But I mean…hell, the moment you started kissing me back and trying to get control, it incensed the wolf. He wanted to claim you but he needed your complete 's why I marked your neck like I did; it's why I bit you. My wolf demanded it. Christ, look at your neck, did I hurt you?" He frantically looked over my exposed skin with worry and guilt._

"_Jake, no matter what, I need you to understand this. I am yours; I am yours to take, to claim. I will never deny you. You also need to know, that I believe no matter how lost you are in your wolf, had I asked you to stop, you would have. You didn't hurt me, and you never will." _

_He didn't look like he believed me completely and then dropped his head in his hands in defeat._

"_I hate this shit, Bells," he cried out and fisted his hair in his hands. "I mean, what else is going to get thrown at me, at us? How much more can my plate handle, it seems pretty damn full to me. All my choices have been taken from me because of this stupid fucking curse. This had been the one choice I had left, the one I made for me and even that is taken from me, by my own fucking wolf. We have two amazing little girls but I can't even go get a normal job to support you and them. I do cheap mechanic work in my garage because that's all I can get that gives me the flexibility to be a wolf and leave to patrol and chase leeches. You deserve so much more than what I am able to give you, and now I'm not only responsible for you and the girls but the entire pack and by extension, the tribe. Because of holding the title of Alpha, I am the titular chief as well. What kind of example am I for the girls and the youth of the tribe? To the outside, I'm a seventeen year old high school dropout and father with no discernable job. How am I supposed to be a leader and a voice for being better when I've lived up to almost every stereotype about my people?" When he was done speaking, he dropped his head in his hands again and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling on the strands every now and then._

"_Jake, I know you are feeling overwhelmed right now and you do have a lot on your plate but please don't think that what you give me is anything less than what I need or want. You are an amazing partner and father. But, you are my partner, not my provider. I do not need or want you to feel that I am your responsibility along with everything else you have to worry about. I don't want you take care of me; I want you to lean on me when you need to as I lean on you. I want to work out our problems together and support one another. Right now, I can't go and get a job. I know it isn't advisable safety wise and we are also waiting on responses to our grant applications to start the café. But, Victoria will be taken care of and then I will be an equal supporter in our relationship._

"_You also have to remember that you are an amazingly intelligent man. I mean, seriously, you passed your GED with only a month of prep nearly a year before you were supposed to graduate and after you had been out of school for so long. You rebuild cars and you do an amazing job at it. You fixed the Beast when no other mechanic would probably touch it; you rebuilt your first car by the time you turned sixteen and it only took you that long because you lacked the money, not the talent. As for the Alpha stuff, you aren't alone in that. Yes, you attacked Sam, but that doesn't mean he won't forgive you or that he doesn't understand why you did what you did. I'm also sure he will help you; he will support you to make this transition easier on the entire pack. Maybe all you have to do is ask for help. As for the tribe and chief stuff, maybe that can wait a while until Victoria and the other vampires are taken care of. You just need to talk to Sam and your dad. They both understand all the responsibility you're under, I'm sure they want to help."_

_He nodded at what I said but he didn't look up, didn't look at me. He was trapped in his thoughts._

_The talk had ended then with Jake reminding me I needed to head to Emily's and he wanted some time to think about what happened and what he was going to do, just process everything. Something he hadn't been able to do. He had been through so much that when I got back from Emily's, I didn't want to burden him with what had happened, but I knew that I couldn't keep it from him either. So, I told him that we had received some rejection letters but that we still held out hope for some award letters; the truth but not enough to make him worry too much. I then told Emily, Rachel and Kim to tell their men the same thing. _

_Things between Sam and Jacob had been awkward at best since the fight. While Sam had been waiting for Jacob to step up, he hadn't expected it to be then or like that. His pride had been more hurt than anything else. But when Jacob finally apologized for how things went down and asked for help with the Alpha thing, things seemed to get better._

_Jacob also went to Billy and talked about everything that was weighing him down. I know that Billy, too, was worried that Jacob wasn't himself. After a lot of talk between the Elders and Jacob, it was decided that any council responsibility would wait until he was twenty-five and Sam would continue to hold that position until then. _

_The one thing that caused the most uproar wasn't Jake attacking Sam, or the change in the pack hierarchy; it was my bruised and bite scared neck. When Charlie and Sue brought the girls back that night, I had forgotten to make sure my hair covered the marks._

_Charlie looked angrier than he did when he found out about the wolves. Of course, he questioned how I received them, and in response I had turned as red as he was._

_After an angry interrogation, I had to admit that my neck was covered in dozens of love bites and not strangle marks, like he had thought. Thankfully, Jacob was out with the pack at the time; it had been bad enough trying to calm and explain to Charlie without him wanting to shoot Jake as well._

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the shrill ring of the phone. I quickly got up and answered it.

"Hello."

"I'm looking for a Miss Swan?" A female voice asked.

"That's me."

"Yes, I am just calling to confirm tomorrow's appointment for Juliana and Charlotte Black."

"Yep, we'll be there. Ten sharp, right?" I asked knowing Jake could hear everything and would be reminded as well.

"That's correct, and I also have to remind you to bring your insurance card in as well, the last time you came in the information didn't get entered into our system correctly."

"Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Have a good day." I hung up and walked into the nursery to wake up and change the girls. I noticed that we were low on diapers and I knew we were also low on formula. I was going to have to make a run for supplies after the appointment tomorrow. The only problem with that was after balancing my checkbook, I didn't know if I would have enough. I'd finally run out of money and with things going the way they were, we weren't going to get any grant money. I was going to have to talk to Jacob about trying to find a way for me to safely get a job.

At that moment, I didn't want to bring it up with him at all. Ever since the whole alpha thing, he had been on the war path about providing financially for me. He was spending all the free time he could out in the garage working on an ever increasing number of cars to bring in more income. That combined with more patrol hours for the wolves who weren't in school, meant the most time I spent with him was sleeping and early mornings.

He was also closer to his wolf as well; making him more easily agitated. The marks that had marred my neck, that I didn't mind wearing, had turned a dark garish green and yellow days after. When they began to fade, Jacob was quick to make sure they stayed, remarking me any chance he got. And though I really didn't mind what went into putting them there, walking around with several layers of dark bruises wasn't fun. Charlie flipped his lid when he saw my neck again and it took me more than one very uncomfortable hour to calm him down and explain. The pack understood, even the imprints, but every time they first caught a look at them, I could see their eyes widen in shock.

I wasn't looking forward to having to bring up this touchy issue and my fibbing about the severity of the rejection letters would only make matters worse. I just wanted to enjoy the happy Jacob who I saw this morning.

I grabbed one of the girls and put her in the swing in the living room and got the other and put her in a carrier on the floor so that I could go into the kitchen to make their bottles.

"Hey, Bells, honey, why don't you bring the girls into the kitchen and we can all eat breakfast together?" Jake asked from the stove.

I grabbed Juliana in the carrier and carried her into the kitchen and set her on a chair next to Billy. I then went back and pulled Charlotte from the swing. Carrying her in, I noticed that Jacob had set a fairly large plate at the empty spot on the table and an even larger one in front of him. Piled on the plates were eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes and fresh fruit. It all looked so good but I didn't think I could eat all of that, even if I spent all day trying. When I sat down, Jacob stood and grabbed Charlotte from my arms.

"You eat, and I'll feed her. I'll still be done before you," he said and grabbed the bottles, handing one to Billy who by now was holding Juliana. I just smiled and dug in.

"So, we have an appointment for the girls at ten, right?" Jacob asked after swallowing a mouthful of food.

"Yeah, remember that they are getting some vaccinations tomorrow so please don't go all wolf on the doctor when they cry. And, um, after, I need to stop at the grocery store and Newton's." I had rushed out the last part in hopes that he wouldn't question it. I was wrong.

"Sure, what do we need to get at the grocery store and Newton's?" He asked as he set the bottle down and moved Charlotte to his shoulder to burp her.

"We are almost out of formula, wipes and diapers and we also need a few food items and supplies. I want to go to Newton's to see if they have any openings."

Jacob froze and sighed heavily like he was preparing the argument against what I had just spoken, "Bells, that's not very safe at the moment and what about-"

"Don't, Jake," I stopped him. "We don't have a choice. Our daughters need diapers, wipes and formula and I have my suspicions that the doctor will have me start the girls on instant rice as well. I don't have enough money in my checking account to cover even two weeks' worth. I know with Victoria and the other vampires it's not the safest but those are things we can't live without."

"You don't need to worry about that. I'll find a way to get whatever you and the babies need. You don't need to work, Bells."

"If you two need help with things I have a little extra to help you out with and I'm sure if you talked to Charlie, he'd be just as willing to help," Billy said quietly from the end of the table.

"No, we will not be taking your or Charlie's money. I will take care of my family," Jake bit out, irritated and angry.

I shot a glare at Jacob as Charlotte started whining against his chest and turned to Billy. "Even though I agree with Jake, the way he said it was quite rude. I sincerely appreciate your offer, Billy, but I can't ask that of you. You've already helped us so much by allowing us to stay here and helping with food costs as well. I know your funds are just as tight as ours. I…Jake and I have to figure out how to do this for ourselves."

I looked at Billy who nodded and suddenly looked down, oddly focused on a few stray curls on Juliana's forehead. I knew he was trying to give us the illusion of privacy; I was somewhat glad. I didn't really want to do this in front of him.

"Still doesn't mean you're getting a job, especially at Newton's," Jacob snapped at me. His eyes narrowed, daring me to defy him. The tone and harshness of his voice caused Charlotte and Juliana to cry. Jake and Billy both tried to calm each child they were holding.

"Well, we don't have much choice; you're going to have to get over whatever manly macho shi-…stuff you're pulling right now."

"I'm not pulling anything right now, I'm trying to take care of my family. I will figure out a way to do that." He was firm and his tone left no room for negotiation. He was being pig headed and he couldn't see past his pride.

"How, Jake? Where do you have any free time to give to make more money? You barely sleep five hours consecutively a night and you hardly spend more than an hour a day with the girls including their overnight feedings and changings. You are working yourself into the ground between running your patrols, being in charge of the pack and working in the garage. You are just going to have to realize I'm going to have to get a job," I retorted back, trying to get him to see reason.

"No, it is my job to care for you and our children. I have some money already saved from before and have a few jobs almost done that will bring in more money. I'll find a way to do this."

I stood up and grabbed Charlotte from him, barely registering his shocked expression and put her in the carrier, walked into the living room and then stomped back into the kitchen to grab a still whimpering Juliana from Billy and went to place her in the swing. I gave both of them pacifiers, started the swing and prepared to walk outside. This was turning into a fight; we had already raised voices at one another and swore in front of our children. Something I swore long ago I would never do.

"Where do you think you're going?" He growled lowly.

"Outside, I refuse to fight in front of them," I hissed as I motioned to our daughters who had stopped crying but I could see their lashes still coated with tears as they stared up at us. I marched out and waited on the porch, that way we were close enough so that if the girls started crying or needed us even, I could hear them. I heard him following me.

"Obviously we're at an impasse." I chanced a glance at him. He looked imposing, his arms were crossed across his chest which he had puffed out and he was standing at his full height. "I want to get a job to help support our children and myself, while you won't hear of it, for any reason, for whatever reason."

I didn't let him say anything and started talking right away. "You think you can support us all. Fine, but thank God we live with Billy for free and that he pays the utilities as well as helps cover food costs. I can't even imagine trying to cover all that as well as everything else right now with just your mechanic work.

"Have you figured out all the costs that we are going to have to cover? Have you thought about how we are going to afford health insurance? I paid the COBRA costs with the majority of my last paycheck and I can tell you it wasn't cheap and that only lasts for four more months and then we'll have to find the money to either renew it or find another policy. And that was just the policy, that doesn't include the premium or any medical costs beyond what the insurance covers. What if one of the girls gets sick? What if one or both of them has to stay in the hospital? There are dozens of other costs as well. As long as you are patrolling the hours you do and spending time with the pack, the mechanic work you do isn't going to be able to cover that," I tried to reason with him.

"What about the grants you're waiting to hear replies on? Then you can start your café with the girls and earn money that way?" He asked.

"That's just it, Jake, we aren't waiting. The day I told you we got a few rejections, well, we got a reply on almost all of them. They were all rejections. If we were to receive a yes on the few we have left, it won't even cover the food safety course Emily and I will have to take to get our health certificates. Right now, this café isn't happening. We don't have a choice but for me to get a job and as much as I don't want to go to Newton's, there isn't much choice for a high school graduate for a job that pays somewhat decent and that can be somewhat flexible with hours."

"You lied to me? Again?" Jacob growled as fire flashed in his eyes.

"I didn't lie per say," I hedged. "I just didn't tell you the whole truth because you had enough on your plate that day and since. You've taken the world on your shoulders and I can't share most of that with you. You spend most of your time either patrolling nearly non-stop to give the ones in school the chance to actually go or out in the garage working 'till you can't keep your lids open any longer. I didn't want to add my problems to yours."

"What was that bullshit a minute ago about us figuring it out together? How are we supposed to do that when you continue to lie and keep shit from me?" He shouted again and I could see his control beginning to slip as his hand trembled. I was waking the alpha in him.

"What do you expect? Ever since you became Alpha you've been an irritable, broody, curmudgeon. You're over taxing yourself and you don't talk to me about it anymore. You cut me out as well. I don't even understand why. The only time I ever see you is at night when you're reasserting your territory or when we're getting up with the girls. So, no, I didn't tell you the whole truth and I had the girls keep it from their men as well.

"Why, Jake, why are you so against me getting a job when you are okay with me owning and working in a café?"

"It's my job to take care of you, to protect you, to keep you happy, to-" I cut him off.

"Jake, do you hear yourself?" Before I could continue, a short wolf yip sounded from the forest and Jake's attention quickly shifted. I sighed angrily and waved a hand dismissively. "Go, deal with whatever that's about, I'm heading over to Emily's. I'm sick of being stuck in the house." I turned and walked back into the house not happy that whatever was between us wasn't resolved. I hated fighting with Jake, especially when I couldn't understand where he was coming from.

I walked into the living room to see Billy changing Charlotte on the couch and Juliana whimpering from the swing. I moved to pick her up and change her and get both girls dressed for the day. I hadn't planned on going to Emily's but I was sick of feeling caged and alone and I knew she'd be there. After I dressed the girls and got them packed up, I made sure I had enough supplies for the day and put the girls in the Rabbit and headed out after telling Billy where I was going.

I made it to Emily's and when I walked in, Rachel, Emily and Kim were staring at the table. I walked to the living room to lay the girls down on a blanket with some of their toys and then went to see what my friends were staring at.

Sitting on the table were five envelopes, two were thick, and two more looked slightly thicker than the fifth, reminding me of the dozens of rejection letters Emily and I had opened two weeks previous. I took a spot at the table and noticed that the two thicker envelopes were addressed to me.

I opened the letter fearfully; I really didn't want to see another rejection, another 'no' that would be a sword through our dreams. I pulled the letter out of the envelope and realized that it was wrapped around something. Without reading the letter, I stared at what it had been wrapped around. My brain shut down and all air was sucked out of my lungs.

I couldn't realistically comprehend what I was seeing. I thought for a small moment it was a joke, a prank, that all those zeros were mocking me. Maybe my vision was blurring and creating more zeros than there really were, but I knew it to be wrong because the leading numbers remained singular. Then my hand started shaking as nausea collected in the pit of my stomach. Carefully, with as much care as I'd have with my children, I set the suddenly lead heavy check on the table and turned to read the letter.

It read:

_ To Misses:_

_ Isabella Marie Swan_

_ Emily Elizabeth Young_

_ Rachel Nora Black_

_ Kimberly Alexis Akiha_

_ It has recently come to our attention that you have applied for a number of grants in order to build and run a culinary preparation business on or near the Quileute Reservation in La Push, Washington. It has also come to our attention that you have been turned down for a number of these grants. This has been for a many numerous reasons, most of the time because not all the members of your collective are of Native background or on account of your youth._

_ We feel that this is an egregious error. We have looked over your business plans and model, given to us by an associating group to which you applied, and feel that you deserve to receive a grant which we award rarely. _

_It is a singular, un-returnable payment and neither of you will be eligible for it again._

_We wish you good luck in your endeavor and for success in your business._

_ Our kindest regards,_

_ The Western Society of Cultural Preservation_

I dropped the letter and looked at the check again. It was the answer to all our prayers. It would pay for all the expenses of a brand new building with top of the line equipment and the ability for the four of us to all take in a wage immediately instead of waiting for a profit to do so and not have to worry about money for a very long time. We would never want for anything.

Seeing the emotions play on my face, the girls stared at me in fearful curiosity until I passed the letter to each of them. I opened the second letter while they read, and nearly choked. After they had each read the letter, they looked at me.

"Well, how much is the grant for? Will we be able to do much with it?" Rachel asked impatiently and I could see the other two were itching to ask the same thing.

Before I could answer, I saw Jacob and Sam walk in through the front door. I jolted in surprise at seeing the two of them together. I knew they hadn't been able to be close to one another since the power change, their wolves making them want to fight, but they both looked surprisingly calm. As if the unease of the last two weeks was nothing but a dream or distant memory.

Also, the tension from my earlier argument with Jacob seemed just as distant and I was so happy he was here.

"Oh good, you two are here. We have great news. We were awarded a grant and Bella was about to tell us how much," Emily cried happily.

"Really, Bells? That's great. How much did you all get?" Jake asked.

I wanted to share their joy and excitement but I had a nagging feeling about this money. Well, more than a nagging feeling; it seemed as if a fog horn was blaring its warning in my ear. My main points of worry were that we hadn't applied for this grant; nor had we even heard of it. Not only that, the company which had written such a generous check, I hadn't heard of them either. And that wasn't even taking into account what I saw with the second letter. Something was hinky.

Jake gave me a worried look; he saw the nervousness.

"What's wrong, Bells, honey?"

"I have a weird feeling about this money."

"Why? What has got you so worried?" Kim asked; her eyebrows had become one, they were so furrowed.

"Well, it's…it's a lot of money. More than we were expecting if we had received all the other grants and loans combined," I supplied.

"How much is it?" Rachel asked again impatiently.

"The check is for," I paused and took a deep breath. "…it's for seven hundred fifty thousand dollars." I watched as all five sets of eyes grew comically wide and I heard a collective gasp of breath and then a roaring shout of 'WHAT?'"

"You heard me, and that's not all. There was a second letter and a second check. I opened it while they were reading the first. I looked at it while they were reading the letter."

I read the second letter aloud:

_To Misters and Miss:_

_ Quil Atera V, Jacob Ephraim Black, Embry Call, Jared Cameron, Seth Clearwater, Lucas Foster, Brady Fuller, Collin Littlesea, Adam Matthews, Paul Meraz, Samuel Uley, Leah Clearwater and any others that may follow._

_ We were recently informed about the unending service this group gives to their community and the surrounding communities and you all do it without any recognition or salary. The service you provide is valuable and you give it silently and to your financial hardship as the time you devote to the safety of others prevents you from normal, gainful employment._

_ We feel that we must rectify this slight and we have set up a trust for each of you. These trusts cannot be accessed as a whole but are set up so that you receive a quarterly check of the incurred interest, and if you wish you can add to each trust._

_ More about the workings and regulations of the trust will be sent to each of you at a later date, along with the first interest check from the individual trusts of 100,000 USD._

_ This trust was set up in gratitude of the tireless service you have given and in our most sincere apology that you have even had to make it._

_ With unending thanks,_

_ The Platt/Brandon Recompense Committee_

The group stared at me silent and wide eyed, though I could see fury boiling in the eyes of the two wolves. I could see they had drawn the same conclusions I had and it didn't sit well with them either.

I, of course, had more information to draw on, but still I knew they were right.

"How much money is that exactly?" Kim asked. I could see her trying to add the total up in her head.

"If the interest is what are on most trust's-about six percent-then that is six thousand dollars quarterly. That totals to twenty-four thousand a year, each," Rachel replied.

"In total today, we were given just under two million dollars," I answered, my voice sounding flat, lacking the excitement one should feel when given that amount of money.

"Why do you sound so unenthusiastic?" Emily asked.

"Who do we know of that has that kind of money that would know about the twelve of us doing 'community work' for the tribe? Who also know about you four trying to find funding for a business, and the money to hide behind bogus shell organizations?" Jacob replied bitterly.

"I don't know anyone rich enough to do that…Bella?" Rachel looked at me.

"I can't believe them." I knew I was thinking out loud but I didn't care. I was shocked, still, that they had done this and then had the gall to hide the truth. I didn't understand why they were doing this. Did I think that the pack deserved something for the work they did-yes-but that didn't mean that the Cullens could pay off their guilt.

"Would someone please enlighten me on what the hell is going on?" Kim demanded.

"The Cullens, they are the ones who sent this money," Sam replied coolly, calmly, but when I looked at him, I saw fire in his eyes.

"What? Why? Why would they give us all this money?" She asked, incredulous.

"They are trying to pay off their guilt for hurting Bella, for leaving her in danger," Jacob snarled. "Those pompous sons-a-bitches; they have no right; no fucking right to do this. God, they just don't know when to leave well enough alone. You are not theirs to take care of anymore."

I was frustrated and angry that they would do this, though it didn't really surprise me.

I had known them to do things I didn't want. My last day with all of them was the prime example, but this went above and beyond even that. They had been absent from my life for two years and now, now they wanted to…what, buy their way back into my life?

I was shocked, incredulous and angry. I had questions and I wanted answers. Without hearing what the others were saying, I got up from the table, grabbed the car keys and walked out of the house. I had somewhere I needed to go.


	32. Explosions

Authors Note at the end.

Ch. 32

Explosions

I raced down the one-oh-one, my disbelief and anger boiling into rage. I cared little for my speed and pressed the accelerator further to the floor, hoping to reach my destination quicker. I needed and wanted to release the inferno on the seven immortals who had, once again, meddled in my life.

Turning onto the almost hidden drive was when I realized I hadn't really thought this decision through. I impetuously fled the Uley home without planning what I was actually going to do. Now reality was settling in and I was regretting acting hastily. Why hadn't I told anyone back at the house where I was going or what I was doing?

Sure, the Cullens would never intentionally harm me but the last time I had been in the presence of all seven of them proved that wasn't entirely the case. They may not wish to hurt me but nonetheless they had. Going to their home without telling any of the pack was thoughtlessly reckless.

Not telling the pack was a bad idea. Had I told them they would've tried to stop me, of course. But that's why I'd just acted impetuously; I hadn't wanted the pack as a roadblock to what I felt was my duty, my confrontation. I was sure that now, not only had I probably worried and angered Jacob but also the pack by doing what I did. I was sure that he was furious with me and scared for me.

Parking in the place I had dozens of times before, I climbed out of the car and walked apprehensively to the house. Even though I was angry like the last time I came here, this time I was feeling entirely different. I hadn't come last time with the expectation of confronting anyone; it had been solely to release my anger. Now, with the confrontation sure to be had each step increased my dread. It coiled inside me as I thought of the effect that being close to them had on me. It was why I had stood so far from Edward when we'd spoken in the woods. The remembrance of their effect unsettled me, how I had allowed Edward to get so close the day he showed up at my house. I needed to say what I came here to say without losing myself. I wasn't sure I could do that with seven of them.

I may have wanted to turn tail and run once I understood the dangers but I knew that they heard me the moment I'd turned into the driveway. There was no way I could leave unnoticed.

I swallowed around a lump of nerves as I knocked on the front door. It was strange, waiting, only as I waited did I register the fact that I'd never knocked before. There had always been someone to open the door long before I reached it. Didn't they hear me, didn't Alice see me coming?

I moved my hand to knock again but before my knuckles even connected the door was pulled open. On the other side of the threshold was a beaming Alice.

"Bella! Sorry it took me so long. I didn't see you coming. We were out hunting and the house just disappeared, I figured it was either you or one of the dogs. We all rushed right back and only just arrived. I can't say enough about how annoying it is to not see you nor do I think I'll ever get used to it. Such a nuisance." She paused for a beat and then gave an excited squeal, "Oh, I've missed you so much."

She pulled me into a tight hug. I instantly recoiled from the frost and strength of her hold and tried to pull away but her grip was unrelenting and she didn't seem to notice. I hadn't felt their skin in such a long time. It had been a comfort once, now it was alien and painful. Like touching frozen metal with bare skin, so cold it burned. I inhaled at the shock of her hold and inhaled her scent. It had an immediate effect on me; I could feel much of the tension I carried relaxing.

Finally registering my stiff posture she pulled away frowning; soon enough her expression quickly snapped into its usual exuberance. "Come, the rest of the family has been so excited to see you." Reaching down, she took my hand and pulled me to the living room.

I took in the home I once was so familiar with and nothing had changed. They were gone two years but it looked as not even a day passed since their departure. Everything was in exactly the same spot it had been and there wasn't a speck of dust on anything. Walking down the hall I realized their home was exactly like them: frozen in time, cold, unchanged. I couldn't believe that I had wanted this life when I now thrived on the daily change in my daughters.

Everyone was posed and relaxed around the room as if they'd been placed there to ensure the vision of the ideal family. Rosalie was sitting across the room at the end of a sofa flipping through a magazine and Emmett was next to her with his arm over her shoulder grinning like a fool at me. Jasper, not far from Rosalie, sat on the arm of the chair Alice moved into, was staring at me with his penetrating gaze. Looking away uncomfortably, my eyes trailed to Esme and Carlisle sitting, hands clasped together on the other couch, both giving me hesitant, hopeful smiles that held all the warmth they'd always shown me. Edward was the odd one out standing against the wall of windows, head cocked to the side as his eyes raked over me. I shifted away from him, ignoring the look he gave me, to glance at everyone again. I was familiar enough with them to see the flaws in their human façade. They looked off to me, like life-like statues; their actions just seconds off as if it had been a long time since they'd been close to a human.

I didn't return any of the smiles or hopeful looks, just stared at them. Being here, in the same room where the path my life shifted in a blink of an eye sent me into a tumult of emotions. I was caught on an emotional tsunami, its undertow dragged me back into memories I had tried hard to forget and harder to make sure didn't affect me.

They had all decided to leave me, leave me without a goodbye or any form of closure. I had loved them as my family; I intended to commit eternity to them. All I'd gotten in return was a gaping wound that still hasn't fully healed. Their departure had left the strongest wounds some of which I was still trying to heal from.

I may have conquered the demons Edward created, but I had yet to face the ones the others left. Those demons still caused me great uncertainty and fueled the anxiety that had prevented me from letting the pack in and giving Jake a chance. I'd opened my heart up to the Cullens, trusted them, and I'd been burned seven times over. I had been afraid the pack would do the same.

The anger feeding my bravado, the reason I had confidently walked to the front door, was gone and I was lost in the uneasy middle of brave and so terrified that I'd turn and run. But knowing I wasn't willing to run anymore kept me planted but I didn't know what to say to them. Though this confrontation was a long time coming the words were lodged in my throat. I steeled myself against my fear and apprehension and faced them, hoping the words would come. I needed to face them like I'd faced Edward.

Lost in my thoughts I hadn't heard anyone speaking, but Esme's voice snapped me to attention and I turned to face her. "- everything. Two babies. You must have your hands full, never a quiet moment. And their father, as well, dealing with Victoria and the pack, I bet you hardly see one another. It must be difficult for you both."

All of this was too much for my emotions and talking to the Cullens about my children wasn't helping. I was trying to word dozens of responses based on the emotions flowing through me when suddenly they were wiped out and replaced with tranquility. The tsunami had calmed into a glass smooth pond. My eyes snapped to Jasper's. I wanted to be annoyed with what he was doing, but the forced calm wouldn't allow it. I wanted my emotions to be authentic, to feed what I wanted to say and not numb everything I was saying. I shook my head, telling him to stop and turned back to answer Esme.

"Yeah, uh, it hasn't been the easiest but we have a lot of help with in the pack and our dads. I don't know what I would do without them." It felt somewhat surreal talking about this to Esme, though the longer I was in the room the more I relaxed. The tension I had felt from Alice's cold hug was long gone and now I was filled with an anticipatory buzzing. "Everyone's been great and banded together to help Jake and me."

"What brings you by today, dear? I'm sure you have plenty to keep you occupied," Carlisle asked.

Esme exclaimed, "Oh, that's right. What a wonderful treat, Bella, to have you over and on your birthday! We just have to do something for her." She turned to Carlisle.

"That's really not necessary, I just came here-"

"Nonsense, dear. Of course we'll do something for you. Not only is it your twentieth birthday but you have two little ones at home and I know times must be tough for you. It's the least we can do for all the trouble that has been caused."

"Alice, do you have any idea what we could get Bella?" Esme asked.

Alice began talking. "Well-,"

I interrupted. "I don't need or want anything from you," I snapped. Everyone was staring at me wide-eyed.

"I didn't come here for anything. I came here today to tell you that the money you've tried to give me and the pack is not wanted. Did you think giving that money would just…what? Buy back my trust? Make me forgive you?"

"I truly have no clue to what you are referring, Bella. If the mention of a birthday gift upsets you so, then of course we will do nothing. We only thought-" Before Carlisle could continue I interrupted again.

"Don't play ignorant with me. I may be a stupid human but I know that you are the only ones who have the financial ability to give that money and the mind reader to know the names of all the pack members and everything concerning our lives. He was already caught once.

"What is it with you and doing things that aren't needed and wanted? Forcing a prom on me I didn't want, forcing a birthday party I was guilted into. We all know how that ended. You do these things 'for my own good'," My voice was thick with sarcasm. "But you never, ever do what I've asked or even consider asking me. I let it go because it made you happy and I wanted to belong with you but you made it abundantly clear that wasn't what you wanted. So why this? Why now?" As I asked my questions my voice grew less strong, less angry and became hesitant that by the time I finally asked what I really wanted to ask my voice was but a whisper. "Why…"

I looked at Alice and Emmett. Other than Edward I had been closest to them. Emmett felt like the brother I'd never had and Alice the best friend I had been denied because Renee floated between mother and friend so often that I really had neither.

"Why what, darling?" Esme returned, her eyebrows creasing in confusion.

"Why did you all leave me, leave without goodbyes? Did I mean nothing to you that I didn't deserve a goodbye from all of you? Or are all of you so heartless that you didn't care for what I deserved or needed? Was I just some passing amusement for you all and once Edward was done with me, I was tossed aside for your next little game?" My questions were harsh and I knew from my talk with Edward that they weren't even true. But they were questions I had believed were true at one point and had caused me much pain. I knew they left at Edward's asking but he wasn't their keeper and they all needed to answer for their decision to leave me.

"Belle…" Emmett began. "You do know that we only left because Edward asked us to."

"Do not think me naïve enough to believe that you all allow Edward to dictate your actions just because he reads the minds of others. I have seen you all in action. Alice's visions and the thoughts Edward hears are all taken under advisement when Carlisle makes the decision. This time you let Edward decide for you, why, to take away the guilt, the responsibility?

"You all chose to leave of your own volition; to leave me without an iota of preparation about what was to come. Edward carelessly and mindlessly threw me away in the middle of the woods. Whatever Edward's decision was about our relationship or what he asked of you, you could have had the decency to say goodbye to give me some solace of knowing I wasn't the trash I believed I was because of Edward's words. Your decision to leave tore me apart. You betrayed what I felt for you all when you left without a reason or a goodbye."

"Bella, please…"Alice tried to cut in but I ignored her. I could see Emmett, Carlisle and Esme were as visibly upset as Alice sounded but I paid them no mind. I was on a roll and wasn't going to let them interrupt me.

"No, you will listen to all I have to say. You've come back and are trying to act as if your actions have no consequences; as if what you did to me didn't destroy me. You all looked at me, when I walked in, as if no time had passed and no offence was given. It doesn't work like that. Just because you're back doesn't mean I forgive your actions."

I jumped when the front door slammed open behind me. The Cullens moved from their positions and crouched, hissing. I turned with wide eyes as the intruder entered the room.

"You're one to talk, Swan. If I recall correctly, you pulled similar shit not that long ago. Now, by all means I do think they need to answer for the shit they pulled on you but remember you aren't innocent anymore." I stared open mouthed. She was right of course but I hadn't been able to see it through my pain. She may be right but she decided that the first time I saw her after racing out of Emily's kitchen was to chew me out after barging into the Cullen's house?

"You're catching flies there. Christ, Bella, do you know how to start some drama. You got the whole pack in a tizzy. And Jake…Well I'm sure you're going to have fun with the new Alpha tonight." She chuckled. "Alpha Jake, who'd a thunk it? Seriously, woman, you have crazed vampires after you and you take off by yourself. Didn't you learn anything from being thrown into the tree?"

"Leah?"

"Good, glad to see all this drama hasn't fried your brain." She was staring warily at the vampires only some of which had relaxed in her presence.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, wondering why it was her over Jake or Sam coming here.

"I got to Sam's just after you left. Jake was ready to explode but Rachel and Emily convinced him not to come tearing over here. They explained what had happened and I told Angry Alpha and the rest of the unreasonable bunch that I'd come here because I was the only one keeping a level head.

"I get why you lost your head and came here, but I think you should wait before you say no. Let's go back to the rez and talk about it with everyone. I'm not saying we'll take it." She shot a look at Carlisle and Edward. "But we'd be idiots to turn down that much money because you're angry at them for what they did; and Jake and Sam are too prideful to consider anything but rejection. We have to consider everything."

I nodded in agreement and began walking for the door. I was ashamed at my outburst and coming here so hastily.

"Swan, you gonna get your answers?" Leah stopped me with a hand on my forearm.

I turned around, mortified. Everyone had finally relaxed and returned to their original places but they still looked upset. They just stared at me. Finally someone spoke, but it wasn't who I was expecting.

"Bella, I know you believe what we did to you was callous, but we really did do it with the best of intentions. You may not believe that and I know the impression I gave you was at best ambivalence for your presence in our lives. It's not entirely true. I do believe you are a very amazing person and the joy you brought to my brother's life was wonderful. Even given that, I thought it best he end the relationship with you, not for his sake, but yours." Rosalie sounded the most genuine she ever had with me and the most loquacious.

She continued. "The only outcome of a continued relationship with him was your death. And what a sad and pointless way to give up the breathtaking gift that is your humanity. To be able to grow, to change, to live –really live. We don't get to do that; we're stagnant, frozen exactly as we were. It is a terrible waste to become that and when Edward told us he wanted us to leave; I agreed wholeheartedly that it was what was best for you. I didn't want you to die to be with us.

"They way Edward decided to handle the whole situation was wrong. You should have received the closure you were denied, that we were denied. And we are all at fault for allowing Edward to call the shots. You weren't just his girlfriend. You were special to all of us; the first person who looked past the monster to see the person. I apologize for the hurt you were caused by the manner of our leaving and not demanding a better ending for you. And I hope that now that you have your Jacob and your children you see what we were trying to do for you; to keep you alive, safe and thriving. It's why we came back when we learned you were still in danger. We left you to ensure your mortality and returned to make sure Victoria doesn't succeed in ending it," Rosalie finished and I didn't know how to respond. I was still shocked she spoke to me at all. I hadn't had time to process everything.

"You feeling sorry is all well and good but the thing is, protecting Bella and insuring her mortality is no longer your job or concern. Bella is pack and we take care of our own." Leah was more incensed than I had seen in a long time; a fire in her eyes that burned. "Your presence is only causing us problems. We don't need you here and we as sure as fuck don't want you here. I think we'd all like it if you got your decomposing asses outta Dodge. The only thing you had left to do here was give Bella some fucking answers. That's done; she's had the closure she needs. After we decide what to do with this ridiculous money I don't want any of you to ever set foot in the Peninsula again. None of this pack wants to ever tolerate your presence again. You've ruined enough lives."

"You don't have the authority to decide that. That's for the Council and Alpha to decide," Edward snapped from the edge of the room.

"Edward!" Carlisle chastised. "You have no right to speak with our guests this way."

Leah ignored Carlisle and answered Edward. "He's right, I don't have authority but do you really think my Alpha, her boyfriend, thinks any different? Your presence caused children as young as thirteen to have their lives destroyed. Any way to prevent that from happening again, I'm all for."

"You may not want our help or believe you need it but you are wrong. Facing Victoria will be-"

"You may not be able to get your undersized brain around the fact we've taken out vamps before. We aren't some untrained pups mucking around the forest. We are trained and lethal and wasn't it not that long ago that your pasty ass came after the pack took down some vamps? Don't belittle us just because you feel superior."

"Ms. Clearwater, I believe Edward wasn't trying to insult you, but from the research we've done on the newborns both Riley and Victoria are amassing aren't going to be mindless newborns like a few weeks ago. The numbers of dead and missing have dropped dramatically from both Portland and Olympia. From Alice's limited visions and foot work we've done in both cities and their surrounding areas, we believe they are being trained to fight and being firmly controlled to not give into their newborn blood lust." The weight of what Carlisle was saying was sinking my gut like wet cement.

"I fear that if your pack takes on this threat alone, you will lose. You may succeed in keeping Bella and her daughters alive but at great loss to the pack and your tribe. We are offering our unconditional aide in this fight, whenever it comes. Jasper here is an experienced military strategist. He has decades of experience with both untrained and trained newborns. He is willing to teach your pack whatever is needed to prepare for the coming battle."

"While I find your concern entertaining, I'm going to have to delightfully-"

I interrupted Leah before she could continue her snark filled diatribe. "We'll notify the pack about your offer and get back to you about that and the money. We really must be going now." I stalked out of the room without a backward glance, knowing once I was gone, Leah would leave, too.

"Bella, please," I heard from behind me. I stopped but didn't face him, I'd said everything to him, I wanted him in my past but he kept barging into my present.

I heard Leah growl and turned to face Edward. He had rushed across the room and was standing next to me causing Leah to crouch, ready to attack, and growl her warning.

"I have no intention of harming her, mutt," he answered Leah.

"What, Edward?" I asked curtly, looking up at him.

"Please don't be like this, I only wanted to help; I only want to protect you." He had moved his hand, I'm sure to run it down my arm like he used to but I took a giant step back as Leah's growl reverberated through the room.

"But, Edward, I don't want you to; I don't need you too. I don't know how to say this any different than before. You lost any right to me the day you lied to me and left me alone in the woods. Your meddling in my life now is only causing problems. What you did with the money shit was beyond uncalled for. Quit. Just back off."

I couldn't be in the room any longer. Rosalie's explanation for the Cullen family had answered a lot of my questions about why they chose to follow Edward the way they did. But it didn't change anything really. I'd gotten my closure finally. I didn't want Edward to make any more plays for my attention. Once this money situation was discussed and Victoria and her army taken care of, I would put any thoughts of vampires away and move forward with my wolf, my children and my pack.

I walked to the Rabbit, climbed in and waited for Leah. She stormed out of the house and even from inside the car I heard the slam of the front door. I was surprised she made the effort to close it. There was an inferno in her eyes as she jogged to the car. It'd been a long time since I'd seen her that angry.

"Fucking Christ, Bella, there's getting into trouble and there's what you do. Your penchant for trouble and courting danger is un-fucking-paralleled. I've been back less than a god damned half hour and I had to come get your ass from Leech Lair. If the pack wasn't so fucking in love with you and Jacob wouldn't have had a goddamn coronary, I'd have left your pasty ass. Seriously, do you even think before you act? You fucking take forever to decide to be with Jacob. But run away or visit vampires, no thought necessary. What the fuck is wrong with you?" She yelled before I'd even gotten the car started.

"I'm sorr-"

"Don't! Don't apologize when I don't really think you're sorry. I had plans. I was going to talk to Embry, give him my answer and all of that was put on fucking hold because of you. Just drive back to Sam's."

I started the car and headed down the road. After a while I finally gathered the strength to speak.

"I really am sorry, Leah. You're right. I didn't think and I shouldn't have gone over there. It was impulsive and stupid. I didn't think about anyone but me and how angry I was. I didn't think about the danger or how anyone else would take it. I didn't let the pack talk about the money as a group first, I just left."

"Look, I get that you needed to face them. You needed closure. You needed them to answer for what they did to you. I really do get that. But right now you can't act like you aren't accountable to anyone. With the vampire threat still going on, you are accountable to the pack because we're busting our asses to keep you safe. There was a better time to go, a different time to go that you could have achieved that," she said and fell into silence

We remained quiet until the turnoff to La Push. Finally I had the guts to ask her about what she had decided. "Leah, I know I pissed you off and you probably don't want to talk to me right now but how was your time away? What did you decide?"

"You are a nosy little bird, aren't you? You realize that I should be talking to Embry first, right?" I gave her a guilty nod. "I guess, considering you're the reason I had to think about it; you're the reason he talked to about his feelings, you're the reason that Emily was trying to speak to me. You cause me problems but you've also tried really hard to help me.

"When I found out Emily was pregnant, I couldn't take it. It felt like she was shiting on the last of my dreams. I was already in so much turmoil with Embry and this was too much. I had to get outta here and deal with everything. I spent a lot of time just letting my dreams of Sam go; really let go like I hadn't before. I had to process everything that had been said between Emily and me; and let it go. Then I had to figure out what I wanted to do about Embry." She paused and took a deep breath.

"Imprinting royally screwed me over the first time around and I didn't know if I wanted to do it again. No matter what I can't get around the fact that Embry is a wolf and wolves imprint. It doesn't matter how he or I feel, there is a chance he'll imprint, or I'll imprint. I didn't know if it was worth it to even try. Another thing I would have to contend with is the pack mind. It's one thing to see the sex lives of the other wolves but to have my own played out, and two fold? And have my brother see it, too? But the thing is I'm a wolf and I'll probably be one for a long time. If I didn't choose Embry and chose to find someone else, someone human, I would have to lie every day until I gave the wolf up. I could never be honest about who I really am. I mean how can you have a good relationship if you can never truly be yourself or be completely honest? I can be totally honest with Embry; that's something I can't avoid with him.

"So I had to weigh the things I thought were important and what I could learn to deal with. And I can't have a relationship where I have to lie. Embry and I may not work out without imprinting ever happening. I can't live in fear of relationships ending. Normal relationships end all the time. So I'm going to give Embry a chance and play it by ear. I think it's better to try than to give up on something that might turn out to be amazing." Her face had descended into a soft smile.

"You really care about him, don't you?" I was amazed; she looked lighter than I had ever seen her.

"How can I not? I care about all my brothers and he saw past the tough exterior I put up. He saw me and not many people do. He was willing to wait for me, for how long I have no clue. Plus he's cute, that doesn't hurt."

"Well it looks like here's your chance to tell him." I said as we pulled into Sam's drive and saw the entire pack waiting for us. Jake stood in the middle, arms crossed and he looked furious.

**A/N: **Sorry really doesn't even cover what I am right now. I could give you a ton of excuses about why it's taken so long but they are inadequate. I will finish this story no matter what. For those who are still with me, thank you.

Many thanks to SMI4Life who was instrumental as beta and also keeping me on task once the muse came back. She's the reason you have this chapter.

Those that reviewed, left comment's and PM'd during my absence thank you. Those who alerted and favorited thank you too. I really am grateful for all the support you all have given me.

Hope you enjoy.


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